Dear Bossip: He Wants Me To Have Rejuvenation Surgery For More Firmness

Dear Bossip,

I never ever thought I would do this, but I am reaching out to the internet for help in my relationship.

I am a 28-year old female and have always thought I have a lot to offer the right man. I am attractive, take care of my body, kind, caring and smart. I don’t try and live off anyone and try to help alleviate any load my partner is feeling.

Recently, I began dating the brother of one of my acquaintances. Long story short, the brother tried to talk to me 8 years ago, but I declined as I knew someone else he dated and felt it would be too messy. Fast forward 8 years later and here we are, dating for about 2 months, sending each other texts daily and spending every weekend with each other. He treats me really good, but there are some things that don’t sit well with me.

The biggest point of our contention is that he has made comments that I am not “tight” enough and I should do Kegel exercises. I am extremely picky about who I am with, and I have not been with many men. I have always felt that I was “tight” down there as no one has ever complained and I can always feel each of my partners. Some have even commented as to how tight I am.

Somehow he found out my ex was very well endowed (I didn’t even enjoy the sex), and he says he feels some type of way because he knows he’s not the biggest one that I’ve ever been with. Meanwhile, I assured him that we have great intimacy and things are all good. I think I take constructive criticism very well, but I’ll be honest with you I was very hurt by this comment.

My parents have always told me to treat my body with care and to not just give it to any old body and that’s what I’ve done.  I know it sounds corny, but sleeping with someone is special to me and I don’t just share my body with anyone and he knows that. I feel like all my morals don’t even mean anything because my vagina is “not tight enough.”

He says it would be better for me as I would have more orgasms and that some women are just built “different” down there. Needless to say, despite my hurt feelings I started doing Kegels, after all I felt like it couldn’t hurt. In the meantime, we decided not to be intimate for 60 days so we could get to know each other better. But, somehow someway he brings up the “tightness” thing and recently mentioned vaginal rejuvenation and I was pissed!

Like, I’m not even sure who he is having sleeping with because I feel like his perception is so off. It’s always a bit of a struggle for him to get “in” and of course with more of my body’s natural lubrication and during intimacy my body molds to him. He doesn’t seem to understand why I was so hurt and felt I was making a big deal out of it.

His response is that it’s only because he wants to be with me long term that he even mentions it and if he didn’t care about us being together in the future he wouldn’t even say anything or try to “fix” it.  The thing that really pisses me off is that he expects me to pay half for it. I forgot to mention that his ex-girlfriend had that, along with booty shots done which he paid for.

He says if he still had money like that then he would pay for it. The whole thing just doesn’t sit well with me. No relationship or person is perfect and I am okay with that, but what I am not okay with is feeling like I’m someone’s science project for them to fix.

If I have any physical flaws I think that’s better than any character flaws which are harder to change. After all, I know I have a good heart and am extremely loyal. I told him that if he feels that he is so inadequate because of my ex than I don’t want to be in the relationship anymore because it’s something I feel will continue to come up and I can’t be made to feel bad or have someone messing with my self esteem when I have so much more to offer and I’ve never been a weak chick. His response is, “So, you’re gonna throw a perfectly good relationship away instead of just fixing it?”

The whole thing is just crazy to me. I would like some advice as I am not sure what to do here.  Everything else in the relationship so far is fine. Am I overreacting?  How should I handle this going forward? – Confused

Dear Ms. Confused,

Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaby! I had to add some Henny to my coffee this morning. This right here! I fell out of my chair. Yes, ma’am.

So, let me get this straight, your boyfriend of two months is asking you to “fix” an already perceived problem in your relationship, and this “fixing” is your va-jay-jay because he is inadequate and doesn’t feel as if he making any “head” way in your love canal? Jesus be a fence! (Adds more Henny to my coffee)

I love how these men with their “short” comings, inadequacies, and hang man problems all of sudden become vaginal experts. So, he’s a specialist now, and because he’s not “filling” his role then you’re the problem. But, hold up, he’s recommended what you need to do to fix the situation. So, because your ex was well-endowed, and he doesn’t quite measure up he wants you to reconstruct your body? Uhm, he needs to have several seats! The hell is wrong with him trying to dictate over your body, and what you should do with it. This is not how this works. As you mentioned, you’re not his science project, nor are you his property. Kick his a** in his baby nuts and tell him to grow some big balls!

Seriously, ma’am, dump him. End the relationship. It’s over. Hell, it’s been all of two months and he’s already trying to “fix” you. Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnd, has even gone so far as recommended vaginal rejuvenation because of his shortcomings. Uhm, no! How about telling him that he needs a penile implant, and therefore, in the future he won’t have to worry about his inadequacies and his short man complex. Ask him, “How’s it hanging?”

The hell is wrong with you women! How dare you sit up here and even consider the option of paying for a surgery to fix you, when he is the MF’ing problem! (Adds more Henny to my coffee)  Sweetie, if his ex-girlfriend went through this same exact situation, and he complained about her tightness and paid for her vaginal rejuvenation, and her booty shots, then that right there should tell you something. He’s a womanizer, and he ain’t got much to work with! He wants to shape and create his own woman to his own desirability. If he is having women reshape their walls so he can feel something, then he, 1.) Doesn’t know what he’s doing in the bedroom. 2.) His short man needs more girth and length. 3.) Needs to buy one of those rubber reconstructed va-jay-jay toys for men and he can get the exact firmness he is looking for.

I bet if the tables were turned and you said to him, “Look, my ex was an anaconda, and you…well…you’re a worm. Even though I feel it, I don’t really feel it like I need to. Have you ever thought about penile implants? If I didn’t care about you then I wouldn’t have said anything. But, because I see this relationship going somewhere I’m hoping you can fix this before it becomes a problem.” Hell, how many women would love to say this to a man, instead of dumping him and not telling him the real truth. You know some of you out there have been disappointed in the bedroom when he dropped his drawers and all you saw was this little bitty thing. And, he says, “It grows.” LMBAO! (Sips coffee)

Look, don’t go fixing, changing, reconstructing, and letting some man tear you down because he is having problems feeling your tightness. That is not your issue or problem. And, obviously, like you mentioned, he doesn’t know how the female body works, and how you mold yourself to him during intimacy. And, if he knows what he’s doing in the bedroom then he can work it from any position, or he finds the best position suitable for he and you to have an enjoyable experience.

Chile, got my blood pressure up talking about fixing you because he can’t feel nothing.

In these two months he has demonstrated several things to you, and if you don’t end this relationship they will get worse. He’s inadequate, and insecure. He’s controlling. He’s a chauvinist and a womanizer. He’s manipulative, and he’s a major a**hole! He paid for his ex-girlfriend’s surgeries to fix her. He manipulated her, destroyed her self-esteem, and made her feel inadequate. Now, where is she? Why didn’t their relationship work? Take note, Ms. Honey. He’s doing the same thing to you. Now, he’s screaming he’d pay for your surgery, but he doesn’t have the money like he used to because he was so caught up in his ex and spending money on her surgeries that he is broke. How can you be broke and telling someone they need to fix something but you can’t even go into your pockets to pay for it? Sir, sit!

If all of your conversations turn to what you need to do to fix you, then it’s time to leave. Notice there is nothing wrong with him. You are the problem. You are the one who needs to fix you, and when you complained he fixed his mouth to say, “So, you’re going to throw a perfectly good relationship away instead of fixing it.” WOW! Yup, you should have said, “No, I’m not throwing a perfectly good relationship away. I’m throwing you away. Problem solved and fixed.” Then, exit stage door left.

You are smart. You are beautiful. You have morals and values. You love your body, and have treated it as such, with love and care. More importantly, you love yourself. That’s all that matters. Don’t let this jerk of an a**hole try to dictate to you what and how your body should be. You don’t belong to him. He’s a chauvinist and womanizer. He’s insecure, and wants to try to tear you down. Next, he will be telling you that you need booty shots, and breast implants, and something else to be fixed. No, ma’am. Get out of this relationship today. And, as you’re ending it you remind him that his small man problem is not your concern. He needs to work out his itty bitty problem, and consider penile implants. – Terrance Dean  

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:  @terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE!

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