Dear Bossip: My Husband Gave Me HIV & He's Living With Another Woman

Dear Bossip,

I have a serious problem. I started to cry as I proceeded to type this letter.

I am currently separated from my husband. It’s been a year now. Well, my husband gave me HIV, and he left me and started sleeping around with other women. My heart went out to those other woman. I told one that my husband gave me HIV and she didn’t believe me.

Because of the HIV, I’m also diagnosed with Leukemia and I am currently undergoing Chemo. My heart hurts from the loneliness. I hurt because I wanted my marriage to work, and I am hurting because I am sick.

I can’t keep a job because I never know when I may have those sick days. I often get mad at my husband and I tell him I’m going to press charges against him for giving me HIV, and for not telling me and for sleeping with other women and not telling them. Am I wrong for demanding him to take care of me by paying my health insurance and giving me money to take care of my living space (Home), which he left me with all the bills? I have to threaten him to take care of this manner.

To top off the cake, he’s currently living with another woman and didn’t tell her he has HIV. I am an emotional wreck. I just want someone to love me and my husband has always been the cheater. How can I go on with my life in this state? Please help me. – Lonely, Depressed, and Sad

Dear Ms. Lonely, Depressed, and Sad,

I truly feel for you, and it is devastating to hear about your situation, especially what your husband has done to you, and how he is handling the situation. There is a special place in hell for him. Trust me.

I strongly urge you to find a doctor, a specialist for your HIV, and I’m glad you are in treatment for the Leukemia. However, you need to make sure that you are getting the proper treatment for your HIV. You have to be diligent and find out how these two diseases work, and how they are affecting one another and what they are doing to your body. Learn these diseases, and study them like you are in school. You have to be educated about them because you have to learn how to take care of your body.

I also recommend getting into counseling to deal with the emotional and mental breakdown that is happening. You are extremely vulnerable, and the tone of your letter lets me know that you living in silence, alone, depressed, and that you have no support systems in place. You have shut yourself off from others, and isolated yourself, and this is not a good place to be. You should have loving, supportive, and encouraging networks in place to help you, encourage you, and build you up. If it’s friends, loved ones, or a support group, please find a network of people who can be of encouragement, love, and nurturing.

Next, I recommend finding out the laws in your state regarding HIV, and what are the laws for someone who unknowingly becomes infected by a partner who maliciously hides their status. In some states it is a felony, and is punishable under the law with prison. You can most likely talk with an HIV specialist in your area, or someone who is a counselor or therapist who specializes in HIV prevention, and laws. There are support networks and resources, however, you are going to have to search them out and get in contact with them. And, once you do, and if you can press charges, then start the legal process as soon as possible. Get him arrested, and please press charges and don’t back down, or back out. He is vile, and repulsive. He doesn’t care about you, love you, or deserve your empathy or sympathy. He wasn’t thinking about you as he was laying up with different women, and then came home and brought you HIV.

Look, ma’am, I’m truly sorry that you are in this situation, and I hope you get the help you need and deserve. Your husband is truly an a**hole, a gutter low down piece of –ish! Please do not harbor any sympathy for him. He is trifling, irresponsible, and dangerous. He is continuing to lay up with women and spread the disease recklessly, and without informing his partners. He needs to be in jail.

You stated that you are separated from your husband. Well, sweetie, it’s time to start the process for divorce. Let your lawyer, and the courts know what’s going on, and I’m sure they will grant you everything in the divorce proceedings. Take him for everything!!! It’s time to take back your power, get your courage, and empower yourself.

I hope you find solace, and some peace of mind. Though, this is horrible, and you are a victim of your husband’s infidelity, which has resulted in pain and suffering. It’s time to start loving yourself, rebuilding who you are, and encouraging yourself. It’s time to begin the process of healing, and this healing is your mind, body, and soul. Find a church home and reconnect with your spiritual power. Get into a support group, and individual counseling. Talk with someone about what’s going on, and don’t shut yourself off. This is not a death sentence, and you can live a fruitful and healthy life as long as you take care of yourself, and begin the healing process to loving yourself. Be encouraged, and be empowered. – Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:  @terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE!

Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!