Dear Bossip: After He Proposed He Left Me & Went Back To His Baby Mama

Dear Bossip, 

I met this guy awhile back when we were in middle school. We dated for 3 years up through high school.

We have now known each other for 12 years. Last summer, in June, we dated again. I came around his family and they loved me, and, as well as they invited me out of town to meet more family members. During this time he proposed to me. And, I accepted; being as though we had a connection every time we got together.

After the proposal his mom and I started to plan the wedding. Then, out of nowhere his ex/baby mother appears back into the scene, and somehow he went back to her. He says it’s because I was working and going to school and I had no time for him, which was not true.

Until this day, I still love him. He is now with his ex and they are expecting another child. I am also with my ex and we are expecting another child. But, for some reason I still can’t get over this man and I still love him. What should I do? Should I tell him? Or let it go. Please help me out.  – Confused Emotional Individual

Dear Ms. Confused Emotional Individual,

If he left you right after he proposed to you because his ex-girlfriend/baby mother came back into the scene, then obviously they have more of a connection that you and he had. And, whatever emotional, physical, or mental connection you may think you have is an illusion of your imagination.

If he left you and says it’s because you were working and going to school and had no time for him, then he is not interested in a successful career-minded and educated woman. He wants someone who will drop everything, and will make him the central focus of their life. He wants someone who will cater to him. He wants someone he is not intimated by.

So, no, do not contact him and tell him how you feel or what you’re feeling. He’s obviously happy with his ex, well, his current woman because that is who he chose to be with. They are expecting another child. They are moving forward with their lives, and so should you. Stop lingering and holding on to a past that is just that, a past!

You’re attempting to reconnect and make a teenage love an adult love fantasy. It’s not going to happen. You were teenagers who had a relationship. Now, you’re an adult still infatuated with teenage love. Grow up! The man left you after he proposed to you. Doesn’t that resonate or say something to you. He went back to the woman who had his child, and they are having another child. He hasn’t reached out to you. He hasn’t made any contact with you about wanting to reconnect, and nor has he reached out to you to tell you that he made a mistake and he is sorry. He moved on and left you.

Now, it’s time for you to move on and let him go. I know it’s hard to let go of someone who proposed marriage, and you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with them. But, if someone walks away from you, then, it’s obvious they wanted to be with someone else, and they did not love you. So, therefore, let them walk away. Don’t chase after them. Don’t run after them. Let them leave.

You’re expecting another child with one of your exes. It’s obvious you like living in the past. You keep returning and going back to men from your past to make a future. How about you focus on the present, and look for a new future with someone else if you are so unhappy? You keep trying to make these past relationships work. What is it about the past that is so appealing that you feel the need to reach back and keep reliving those moments? Those relationships with your ex-boyfriends should remain in the past. It’s a reason they are an ex.

Until you understand this, and ask yourself why you keep reliving the past, and why you keep going back, then you will keep chasing and running after love. Love moves forward. It is a verb, an action. It happens. It continues to happen. What you’re doing is stagnant, and repetitive. Get out of this vicious cycle, and spinning around in circles of the past. It will drive you insane. So, stop spinning. Stop looking back. Stop rehashing the past. Look forward. Move forward. And, hopefully you will start to see a new future for yourself. – Terrance Dean

Photo source: Shuttershock

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