Dear Bossip: I'm A Virgin And I Feeling Like I'm Missing Out On Life

Dear Bossip,

I am a female and I am a virgin. However, I am VERY anxious to lose my virginity.

I will be 21 years old soon, and I feel like I am missing out on life. I was a nerd in high school who came from a sheltered background. My life is fairly BORING!

Normally when I am talking to a guy, he is quick to jump straight to sex. I do not like to mention that “fun fact” about me because 80% of the time men will become weirdly obsessed with my virginity. That 20% will get turned off completely and disappear. Sometimes, I do not even have to mention that I am a virgin I must have it stamped on my forehead.

The first question that pops into their head is, “Why?” Honestly, I always thought that losing my virginity would be magical; a big deal like in the movies. Not only that, but, I have numerous friends that either became pregnant and/or caught an STD at a young age. Now, that I am getting older I am starting to feel like it’s not that big of a deal. I mean most of my family members have been having sex since they were 14/15 years old, so why not me?

I want to see what all of the hype is about! They claim to be very proud of me for holding out, yet, they often poke fun at me. Lately, I’ve been having the urge to rebel and do some really stupid stuff, basically start living life.

A few weeks ago I met a guy and we got along great, but he mentioned sex and I told him I was inexperienced. He asked what have I done so far and I told him nothing but kissing. Well, it’s been a couple days and I have not heard from him. Needless to say, he’s gone! I really want to get it over with. Is sex really that big of a deal? – Life As A Virgin

Dear Ms. Life As A Virgin,

Kudos to you for holding out and not giving in to peer pressure. And, I hope you continue to hold out and not leap out there and do something stupid … like having sex in order to “get the experience of it.” That isn’t very smart, sweetie.

Be glad and thankful for the 20 percent of men who have disappeared and got turned off by your virginity. It goes to show that they were not really interested in you, and were not ready to invest in a relationship. They were only looking for sex, and possibly a one night stand.

Now, the 80 percent is what you have to be leery regarding. They want to be the first. They want to be the ones who take what is special from you, and trust me, they won’t stick around either. Some men get off on that type of thing. Stay mindful and keep a close watch on these guys. They are not genuine in their pursuits and you don’t want to lose your virginity to someone who will treat you like a one night stand, and you never hear from them again.

My advice is to wait until you’re ready. Don’t rush to have sex just to get it over with. You will regret your decision later, and you will regret that you did it with a guy that you neither were really into, or he wasn’t really into you. Your body is your temple, and you should protect it. You don’t have to succumb to the joking and prodding from your family and friends who are having sex, and like you mentioned, they are either pregnant or have STDs. That should be an even greater incentive for why you should wait, and not have sex. You don’t want to end up pregnant by some guy on your first experience, and you certainly don’t want to end up with an STD.

Is sex a big deal? For some it is. And, for others it isn’t. We live in a sex craved and sex obsessed society. Sex is sold in commercials, magazines, movies, and on television. They sell sex to make it look wonderful, beautiful, and fantastical. But, it’s not like the movies. It’s not what you see on television or on the big screen. Sex is a serious issue, and in some instances it has serious consequences. The best thing you can do it is to follow your own moral and ethical barometer regarding your body, and who you want to share your body with. I can tell you to wait, and I can tell you that it is great. But, it is you who have to make the decision regarding your own body. And, you should never give your power over to anyone regarding your body.

So, wait! Wait for the right guy, and the right moment. Wait until you are ready, and you feel the guy you are with is there for the long haul, and that he really wants to build something with you. Wait until you know for sure and it’s not because you’re trying to prove something to someone. There is no need to rush, and no need to give yourself to someone that you will regret losing your virginity to. The first person you decide to be with should be a memorable experience because it will always live with you, and you will always know the first person you lost your virginity to, and hopefully he will be your last. – Terrance Dean 

Photo source: Shuttershock

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