Dear Bossip: I'm Engaged, But I'm Sleeping With A 54 Year Old Married Man

Dear Bossip,

I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 7 years now. We have 2 kids and are engaged to be married.

The problem is that I’ve met a man that I’ve been seeing for almost 2 years now, and I’m madly in love with him. I eat, sleep, and breathe this man. The problem with him is that he is married, but his he and his wife are not together. They have been separated since 2003. By the way, he is 54 years old and I’m 27 years old. Does age really matter?

Anyway, when I met him he told me he wasn’t into being in any type of relationship. For a while I changed his mind, and it was all about me. But, then came his ex, not his wife either, but a girl he dated before me. He says they don’t have a relationship and that they are just friends. But, every time I turn around they are together!

I’m heartbroken. He says he cares a lot for her because he messed up on her by having a baby. By the way, she has her man, and many others, and she says she doesn’t want him! This man drives me crazy. He says he loves me and cares about me, but yet still he won’t be with me. Like, what type of game is he trying to play? I’m willing to sacrifice everything for him because when I’m with him I am completely happy. But, he keeps giving me the run around. I need to know what to do.

Every time I leave he comes looking for me and I fall right back in love with him. I need help. I am now starting to realize what is more important to me and that is my family, but how do I put a stop to these feelings I have for this womanizing man. Please help! – Ms. Make Or Break

Dear Ms. Make Or Break,

That 54 year old d**k got you going crazy! LMBAO!

Sweetie, he won’t take you serious. One – You’re trifling. You’re engaged to be married to a man you’ve been with for seven years, and you have two children with. Why would a man want to settle down with you, however, you’re out philandering with another man? You’re cheating on your fiancé. You’re stepping out on your children, your potential family, and your future husband. You’re willing to jeopardize all of this for some man who will never take you serious, despite the fact that he told you from the beginning that he wasn’t looking for any type of relationship. No man will settle down with a woman who is cheating on her fiancé.

And, what is sad is that you have made up in your mind that you and he have a relationship. YOU DON’T HAVE A RELATIONSHIP. Stop deluding yourself. You’re another one of the women in his lineup. His ex that he is spending time with is just like your and his relationship. They are sleeping together, hanging out, and having fun, just like you and he. It’s not serious for him. He’s said he doesn’t want any type of relationship. So, that is why he told you that his ex and he are not in a relationship. They are friends. They are having sex. They may be hanging out, and like you, she has a man and she comes to her 54 year old sugar daddy to get some of that schlong.

Two – He isn’t interested in being your next husband. He’s already married. He already has a wife. Yes, they may have been separated since 2003, but trust and believe he is still sleeping with her as well. Why won’t he divorce her after 12 years? It doesn’t take that long to divorce someone, especially if you know you don’t want to be married any longer. Evidently, he and his wife have a lot of unresolved issues, property, money, and children tied up together. He realizes that it’s cheaper to keep her, so he won’t divorce her. Besides, he is not going to divorce her and marry you and take on two children that are not his at 54 years of age. He doesn’t want that type of responsibility. You’re fooling yourself if you think he will marry you, or even commit to you.

Three – You’re a whore! You’re sleeping with a married man. And, I don’t care how long they’ve been separated. He’s still married. And, you’re engaged to be married. You don’t love your fiancé, and you don’t love your children. You don’t love yourself, and you’re obviously selfish. You’re out spreading your legs for a man whom you know is a womanizer, and sleeping around with other woman. You will allow yourself to be subjected to someone who makes you feel good in bed, but emotionally and mentally is unavailable. You’re a low brow gutter disgusting person. Your fiancé is home with your children while you’re running the streets after some man who can give two f**ks about you.

Four – How can you be heartbroken over a man who is very clear about his intentions? You say he gives you the runaround, but how? How can he give you the runaround when he’s told you that he doesn’t want a relationship? He’s tells you that he cares for you and loves you because that is what you want to hear. So, he tells you those things in order to keep you around. You’re his young tender. Another woman he is screwing. He’s having fun at 54 years of age. He’s having the time of his life. He has a fleet of woman pawning over him, and he is not going to settle down with just one. Think about it – if his ex, the woman he was with before he met you, was the love of his life, then, why did he have a baby on her? If she was the woman he loved then he would not have cheated on her?

Sweetie, have you asked yourself why is he separated from his wife? I’m sure it’s because he was cheating on her, and she got tired of it. She put him out, but just like you she keeps letting him come back and she can’t seem to let him go. He’s a player. A charmer. A womanizing freak, and all of you women want to be the one to tame him. IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN!

You want to sit up here and say you eat, breathe, and sleep for this man. A man who doesn’t feel remotely the same as you do. A man who, as soon as you leave, has another woman up in his bed. A man whom you know has several woman, and you’re talking about you’re in love with him, but his energy and time is spread between you, his ex, his wife, and I am sure other women he is seeing.  Then, you go home at night and lay up with your fiance, and want to act like the happy and doting mother, lover, and fiance. Damn donkey!

I hope your fiancé learns the truth and leaves you and takes the children with him. You are tired, and so very wrong. What is truly sad is that after two years of running behind some man who won’t make you his woman, his ex is in the picture and you can’t compete with her, and you feel you’re getting the run around, you realize that your own family is what’s important to you. Really? Now, your family is important to you? Girl, miss me and have several seats.

You even said that when he comes looking for you, you fall back into the same routine. Obviously, your family is not that important to you. Why don’t you leave your fiancé and go after your 54 year old lover? You said you’re happy with him, and you feel complete with him. So, spend your energy and time trying to make him your man. You don’t love your fiancé, and you won’t be happy with him even after marriage. Marriage is not going to change anything. Whatever you’re doing now, you will continue to do even after marriage. And, if you can’t be with your 54 year old lover, then I am sure after you’re married you will find another man and you will cheat on your husband. You’re not happy. Stop dragging your fiancé and children in your mess. They don’t deserve what you’re doing to them. You’ve destroyed your family, and it’s all because of your own selfish needs and wants. – Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:  @terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE!

Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!