Dear Bossip: I'm Pregnant By My Co-Worker & So Is His Baby Momma, Yet, He's Mad At Me

Dear Bossip,

So, about 7 months ago my coworker, let’s call him “Joe” and I started hanging out after work.

Joe is a great guy in a bad living situation. He also has two kids with two different women. He would do anything for his kids, but here is the problem, he’ll also do anything for one of his children’s mother and I can’t take it anymore.

She’s really negative, talks trash to him, brings him down, but he continues to have a close relationship with her, unlike his other baby mama. A couple of years ago she and Joe’s daughter moved into his house. I had met his ex-girlfriend whom he dated previously to me. At the time I knew she was living there with him. Also, his son is younger then his child with her. So, it seemed as if they have not been together for some time.

Around month 2 I get a text message from his baby mama telling me that she was pregnant and to leave him alone. I sent it to him. He said she couldn’t be pregnant because they do not sleep together. He sleeps on the couch. He does not want to be with her, and he just wants to be there for his child. She was just jealous of our relationship. Joe also said that he doesn’t want to ask her to leave because she is unemployed right now and has nowhere to live in the immediate area. And, if she were to move it would be to a different state with his daughter to be with her family.

I got over it and moved on with him. Over the last few months we’ve had some really great times. We did everything normal couples would do. I had had the best birthday ever with him. I met his friends. He would bring me flowers and buy me gifts. We have the most amazing sex life. He would spend the night with me. I can’t go to his house because she won’t accept the fact that he has moved on.

One month ago when he was out of town seeing his son, I received another message from her. Again, she wanted me to leave him alone. I sent it to him.

He admitted to her being pregnant when we entered our relationship, but she miscarried. He also admitted to being in a relationship with her, but that they broke up and they are still just living together. She still wanted to be together. He planned on leaving her for me. I had had it with him. I told him if he did not tell her to get out and give me the relationship I deserve, I would leave him. Joe told me he would. Joe didn’t talk to me for a week after that.

I told him I was pregnant. I was overjoyed and looking forward to the idea of having a baby. I was hoping that this would help push him to leave her. All of my excitement was crushed when he told me he didn’t want me to have his baby and to get an abortion. He told me that she would leave him if I had the baby and he wouldn’t be able to see his daughter. I was pissed. He had just promised me they had broken up. Now, it was up to him to tell her the truth and leave her.

Three weeks pass and no contact from Joe, unless I contacted him first. Then, he sends me a text saying he is leaving me alone so that he can think. I get another message from her calling me a home-wreaking whore and letting me know I may have an STD now.

I was pissed. We get into a big fight. I demanded that he tell her the truth and leave her before I went to his house to tell her that I’m pregnant. I don’t understand why she would want him if she knows he is sleeping with me. He tells me he is sorry and that he can’t give me the relationship I want.

A week passes and I don’t hear from him. I text and call dozens of time. Finally, he calls me. Joe tells me that she moved out and he hasn’t seen his daughter since. I had never heard him that upset in the 4 years I had known him. He said that I was a mistake and I had to get the abortion. He will drive me and pay for it. He told me that he is sorry to put me in this position, but he can’t give me the relationship I want. He said that he created a lot of drama and does not want to bring another baby into it. He told me that he would be there if I decide to have the baby, but he is scared he may feel resentment towards me later.

I felt hurt because he sounded as if he was blaming me. As if I was hurting her and his child. I feel like he wants me to get the abortion so she would forgive him. He says he doesn’t want her, and he just wants to have his child in his life, and not in another state. We’ve continued to fight like this since then.

She sent me another message basically saying I was stupid and I deserve him. She said that he was on his knees as he explained I was pregnant and he begged her to stay. She told me that he never had any intentions of leaving her for me. He’s also been calling and texting day and night since she left begging her to return. She is also pregnant and told me to get an abortion because having the baby won’t make him stop cheating or making babies.

I never asked him to kick his daughter out. I just wanted him to end the relationship with her. She is not my girlfriend and I didn’t hurt her, so why are they both blaming me? I understand our relationship didn’t start under the best of circumstances, but I’m trying really hard to make the decision if I should try to be with the father of my child now that she is gone and we can work on being happy together. We no longer work at the same location as I have recently been promoted, but we still work for the same company. I will still have to see him at company events. If we don’t end up being together how should I deal with working with my child’s father? – Clueless Co-Girlfriend

Dear Ms. Clueless Co-Girlfriend,

I keep saying that you should never –ish where you work. Hell, dogs even know not to –ish where they sleep and eat. It’s common sense. It’s basic instinctual behavior. Getting involved with a co-worker is a recipe for disaster. Never do office romances. Never sleep with someone you work with. Never get into a relationship with a co-worker. It will never work out and it will never work in your favor!

You knowingly decide to get into a relationship and sleep with a co-worker who is living with an ex-girlfriend who is also his baby momma. And, not only does she live with him along with their child, he has another baby momma out there. So, he has two children with two different women, yet, you somehow found him to be a compatible partner to seek a relationship with? SMDH!

His baby momma, slash girlfriend (because they are in a relationship and he has been lying to you about their status), hits you up and tells you that she is pregnant and that you need to leave her man alone. You confront him and he tells you that nothing is going on between them and that he is sleeping on the couch, so he doesn’t know how she can be pregnant. And, he wants nothing to do with her. He tells you that he just wants his daughter close to him and he doesn’t want to have his daughter in another state. You have got to be the most gullible and thirstiest woman needing a man, that you will disregard what is blatantly obvious and in your face.

Uhm, let me get this straight. His baby momma and daughter are living with him because she has no immediate family in the area, however, his other child and baby momma live in another state, because you stated he went to visit them out-of-state. But, he had to move his other baby momma in with him because he doesn’t want his daughter living in another state. Ma’am, does that make any damn rational sense. His other child is out-of-state. He didn’t move her into his home so that his son wouldn’t be in another state. Therefore, he is lying to you. He lives with his girlfriend. You are a jump-off.

But, hold up, he finally confesses that she was pregnant. She had a miscarriage, and they were in a relationship, but they broke up and she is just living with him. Do you even hear him and yourself? You can’t possibly believe this bull-ish he is feeding you. You can’t possibly be that damn slow. I know d**k will make you do some crazy things, but does it retard your brain so that you can’t think rationally?

Obviously it does because when you told him that you were pregnant he wasn’t excited. In fact, he told you that he didn’t want to be with you and that you should get an abortion. Then, he blamed you for the demise of his relationship with his baby momma. He stopped communicating with you for damn near a month, yet, you still think you’re in a relationship with him because you keep texting and calling him. He ignores you. You are in denial. And, she calls you yet again to tell you that she is pregnant, and he’s begging her to come back home and to work things out. Yet, you’re still calling him. He’s still ignoring you. And, you’re still in deep dumb d**k denial that you have a relationship with him.

Then, you have the never to end your letter by asking if you should work on your relationship with him and work on being happy together. YOU DON’T HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM! HE IS NOT YOUR MAN! HE HAS TOLD YOU THAT HE DOESN’T WANT TO BE WITH YOU. HE DOESN’T WANT YOU TO HAVE HIS CHILD. THERE IS NOTHING TO WORK ON.

Girl, are you really that damn slow?!? He wants to be with her, his baby momma, his girlfriend that he is never going to leave to be with you. His heart and mind is with her, not you. He doesn’t want anything to do with you. You were an easy lay, and something to do while he and his baby momma were on a break. Now, that she is pregnant with their child he wants to be a family with her. Not you. So, yes, they both blame you for complicating their relationship. They were working on them, and you were in the way. And, now you’re pregnant, and he feels that you have made his situation worse. But, he is to blame because he never should have gotten involved with you.

Now, here are you are sitting up talking about how happy and excited you are to be baby momma number three. Girl, I can’t with you. Your goal was to get him to stay with you and you think because you’re pregnant he will come running to you and want to be a family. You’re delusional. You’re crazy. You’re in denial, and you’re dangerous. You have a false sense of reality, and unfortunately you will continue to chase after him thinking that you and he have some type of relationship, and you will use the child to try to get him to be in your life. You need help. You won’t heed any advice I tell you, or recommend. You refuse to see this situation for what it is – toxic, and unhealthy. – Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:  @terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE!

Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria   Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!