Dear Bossip: My Ex's New Girl Is Jealous & Disrespectful & I'm Tired Of It

Dear Bossip,

My ex and I have been broken up for almost 6 years. During the course of our relationship, that spanned 2 ½ years, my family and him has grown to love each other.

I am currently in a relationship and have a child with my fiancé. Although my ex and I have been broken up we still maintain a friendship. Last year my ex got into some really bad trouble so my mom let him stay with her in a city that is over 100 miles away from his family. Now that he has been out there for a year he has met a girl that he’s dating. It is pretty serious as he has moved in with her.

Whenever I go to visit my mom and they stop by she gives me dirty looks and is very rude. The first time I met her she acted totally different and was accepting of me because she and my family is close as well. Now that she knows I’m his ex she is a total bish. For example, she’ll walk into a room with my mom, brothers and I and would speak to everyone but me. I used to just speak first, but now I don’t because I don’t want to force this lady to speak to me when apparently she doesn’t. Also if she’s sitting on a couch and I sit on the same couch she’d get up and move. If my ex is upstairs and she and I are downstairs and I get up to go upstairs, perhaps to use the bathroom, she’ll be right behind me.

One day I was over my mom’s and my mom went and got him because he wanted to chill with my brother. He was over for 8 hours and the only thing we said to each other were “hi” the whole day, that’s it. When she came to get him my brother was gone and the only people in the house were me, him and my mom’s husband. She didn’t know I was there, but prior to him coming there he didn’t know either. She came in and saw me and instantly asked him where was my brother, and why wasn’t he there. They argued on their way out.

I’m getting sick and tired of dealing with her childish behavior. It has gotten to the point where my ex and I no longer have that mature, platonic relationship we once shared. He speaks to me when she’s not around, but if they are together than he no longer knows me. If he even looks my way she’ll give him this evil stare literally. Her jealousy and childish ways are going to drive me nuts. So, I’m asking you how do I deal with this problem. I don’t want to be rude, but I’m not going to be disrespected either. Me and my ex are in our early 20s and she’s in her early 30s. I would think she shouldn’t be or wouldn’t be so intimidated by me because I’m engaged with a family and there is no reason why I would want her man, nor would he want me. He seems happy and content with her.

Another fact is that we’re African American and she’s Caucasian and he has cheated on her, but only with Caucasian women. I am not jealous of their relationship. I’m actually happy that he’s decided to give love a try again. I just want to be treated with respect because although her attitude and actions are pure disrespect towards me I still treat her how I SHOULD be treated, but enough is enough. I already said that the next time would be the last time and that I’ll read her for the filth she is, but I’m not trying to go there. Any advice is good advice. – Not Worth It

Dear Ms. Not Worth It,

Read her. Get her together. And, don’t feel about it!

How can a guest come into your home, your parent’s home, and be disrespectful to you? That doesn’t make any damn sense! I don’t care how friendly she is with your family, that doesn’t give her any right to be evil and mean toward you.

You are much better than me because I would have got her right together after the first time. There wouldn’t have been all this back and forth, evil looks, and getting up and moving around because they don’t want to sit next to me. You can sit your jealous ass outside!

But, I’m curious to know why your family is allowing this to happen. I’m sure your mother and father have noticed this, so, why haven’t they pulled her to the side and said something to her? More importantly, why haven’t your ex checked her and told her to put her attitude in check? He was a guest in your mother’s home, and your mother was very gracious to allow him to live with her when he was in trouble. Thus, he should be ever more grateful toward her and her house, and he shouldn’t allow his ex to be disrespectful in her home.

So, have a conversation with your ex and tell him that he needs to get his girlfriend together, or else there will be no more of your niceness, or your hospitality in your own mother’s home. She will not be allowed to visit, come over, and be welcomed in the home. And, you need to get your family on board with this as well. You all have to stick together, or else she will continue to disrespect you and your mother’s home because she feels she has some right and claim to your ex and can do whatever she wants. However, this does not extend to being rude toward you or anyone else.

Therefore, tell your ex to handle it or you will. And, you are not telling him just to be telling him because it is no idle threat. This is fair warning, and she will be well-advised to get her –ish together, and stop being the bitter and jealous new girlfriend who feels threatened by the ex. She better come in smiling, waving, and being friendly and cordial because you have had enough of the childish immature games. – Terrance Dean

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