Dear Bossip: I Do Everything For Him, So, Why Won't He Commit To Me?

Dear Bossip,

I’ve been in a situationship with this guy for 9 months. We have been inseparable for most of the time.

We have a great time together and always tell each other that we can’t live without each other. We are like boyfriend and girlfriend, but without the title. I truly love this man, but I’ve broke it off with him 3 times already because he doesn’t want a relationship and I do. Every time I break it off he comes back saying how much he can’t be without me and how lost he is without me, and, then, we jump head first back into our situation with no commitment.

We work together and he is not willing to tell them that we are seeing each other, nor does he want to meet my mom. We are together every day and I cook, clean and help him with every aspect of his life. He is also there for me when I need him. We do everything together, but he still insists on not wanting a relationship. I know what I deserve, but I have a weakness for this man.

So, recently I decided to end things because if the situation is not turning into a relationship I don’t want it anymore. So, I explain to him that I deserve more and he is cool with my decision. At 3am I get a call and of course it’s him. He is drunk and wants to come over. I let him because I hate when he is drunk and I want to watch over him. When he gets here he gets upset because I didn’t tell him I was sleep when he called. He stayed for a few and then got up and left. I started to beg him to stay, but I just let him leave. I asked him if he wanted to talk and he said there wasn’t much to talk about. So, I’m confused as to why he even wanted to come over.

When we are apart all we do is talk about how miserable we are without each other. Am I wasting my time by thinking that he really does care and will one day decide to be in a relationship with me? – Weak in New Jersey

Dear Ms. Weak in New Jersey,

Yes, you are wasting your time. He will not wake up one day and decide to be in a relationship with you. He doesn’t want to be with you. He has made that abundantly clear 9 months ago, and the three previous times you broke it off with him. So, I don’t understand why you are holding out hope for something that will never be. Hell, the man told you that he doesn’t want to tell people at your job that you and he are seeing each other, and he is not interested in meeting you mother, and for what reason? You’re not his woman, and he’s not your man! You are not in a relationship.

Girl, please get a damn grip and stop acting silly and immature. You are nothing to this man but a booty call, a side piece, a hook-up, and some regular ass. You over there cooking, cleaning and helping this man with aspects of his life, yet, he won’t invest in a relationship with you, or make you his woman. So, I have to ask, why are you doing all this? What are you getting out of it? Why are you investing in someone who is not investing in you? That just sounds dumb as hell.

Then, he calls you at 3am and wants to come to your house, and you let him. But, he gets upset and leaves after a few minutes or hours. Then, you ask him if he wants to talk, and he says talk about what. Girl, he was there to get some ass, to have sex, and because you are his side piece, his hook-up chick, you should have been ready when he got there. You over there asking him to talk. He is not there to talk at three o’clock in the morning! SMDH! Just dumb!

Ma’am, I swear you thirsty women will never win. Your thirst will keep you thirsty. You allow these men to keep walking over you, through you, and on you. A man will tell you over and over again that he doesn’t want a relationship, but you will lay up with him, cook for him, take care of him, and give him all of your time, space and energy because he tells you that he can’t be without you and you interpret that as he likes, or loves you, and one day he will see the great woman you ar, and have been to him and he will one day commit to you and you will live happily ever after. PLEASE STOP!

You are sleeping with a co-worker who doesn’t want anyone else at work to know that you and he are intimate. First of all, that is a freaking hell to the no-no! Why are you having relations with a co-worker? Why do you women keep sleeping and having sex with men you work with? These relationships never work, and never end well. Second, why is he hiding you and he doesn’t want others to know about you and him? Perhaps he’s sleeping with other women on the job, or he has a girlfriend, and other women know this. You are the bird who fell for his ole okey-doke. Third, he doesn’t want to meet you mother. This means he is not serious about you, and he doesn’t want what you and he have to go any further. Fourth, you’ve broken up with him 3 times in 9 months. And, it’s because you want a relationship and he doesn’t. So, if you keep ending it, and you know you deserve better, then why do you keep going back? He is not a prize! And, girl, all of these are red flags! Why are you not taking heed?

You won’t listen. You won’t even take the advice to end this. You are desperate. You are slow in the brain. You keep confusing good sex with like and love. And, how the hell can you claim to love someone who you don’t really even know? You’ve never met his family, or his friends. You only know what he tells you and what you hear. You are in love with the idea of being in love. Girl, end this relationship, grow up, and stop this back and forth with this man. He is not going to ever be in a relationship with you. – Terrance Dean

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