O boy here it goes…

nope 1st

WWell Second.. but still Hell to da naw

shouldn’t this be common sense..

nope if he dont care about his own seed what makes you think he will give a damn about you, and say yall had a child together…you would probably end up bein another single mother!! So take that as a sign before its tooo late

it’s best to leave someone like that ALONE so they have time to focus on themselves and get themselves together.

Here’s a better question. Is it cool to date a woman who has a baby with a deadbeat?

HE DONT LOVE YOU,,OR HIS SELF,, GET IT DEADBEAT,,,

I’m goin through this now. And the answer is yes, “girls” who are tryin to make a name for themselves will definetely date a deadbeat father. My child’s father has a devoted girlfriend but he is not in my child’s life at all and doesn’t care to be. The girlfriend doesn’t care because she is a loser. She doesn’t have it all.

**Woman with no job no ride = Homemaker**

Being a homemaker especially with kids is one of ther hardest jobs in the world.

If a man is not responsible for a life he brought into the world,why would any woman think he would treat her any different?

Why is this even a question?? Abso-f*k’n-loutely NOT!!!

i dated two deadbeats once – but they both put IT DOWN 100% so it evened out – granted, the relationships didn’t last more than a month each

Nope to the nope. Never.

Does that question really need an answer??? Blank stare …

Does She know my husband?

Why would anyone even need to ask such a question? Why?

This is why black females need arranged marriages. I am convinced that they are incapable of choosing good men. They love the narrative of being the struggling black mother who has to deal and rescue sorry black men. This makes her feel like something. If she was with a good man, and didnt constantly need to be rescued she wouldnt be able to dominate, she wouldnt be able to be the boss. That would kill her ego… being apart of a team.

The unfortunate part about this is that MOST of the women in here have or are currently dating a deadbeat brother (cause they like there man with a little thug in him) SMH!!!

I had to stop hanging with this one friend of mine ’cause he was a deadbeat… I lost respect for him…

He would tell me about how he would go to the city where his son lived and NOT visit him, spend time with him and/or even give his baby moms money…

This ni@@a knew his son missed him dearly too
but yet he would go there regularly to mess with different women…

I lost too much respect for him after a while and had to cut that ni@@a back… All that = “I f*cked this b*tch, I f*cked that b*tch” nonsense don’t impress me…

I couldn’t take hearing that bullsh*t… I’m more impressed with ni@@as doing the right thing and what they’re supposed to be doing…

@~:

And that is probably all that they were good for. You need to learn to differentiate between those kinds!

You dont make those your boyfriends, spouse, etc. They are just for fun….if thats what you do. But other than that, they definitely arent husband (even BF material).

@Slide Like A Fresh Pair of Gators

Amen to that!

@DADDYO:

Not all, sweetheart.

@ Daddyo

The unfortunate part about this is that MOST of the women in here have or are currently dating a deadbeat brother (cause they like there man with a little thug in him) SMH!!!
————————

I’m sure that comment was meant to incite but is ignorant nonethless as I’m sure that MOST women on here are NOT dating a deadbeat. Not saying there aren’t those that do but that’s still a stupid statement.

@ KAMI and Mamamia… below is the definition for MOST.

most (mst)
adj. Superlative of many, much.
1.
a. Greatest in number: won the most votes.
b. Greatest in amount, extent, or degree

@DADDYO:

LOL…cute wit. But I know what it means. I just felt like responding. Period.

I cannot STAND a man that doesn’t want to do ANTYHING ! And why do men ACCEPT money from women when they don’t have a job that’s stupid!

I have a friend whose man sits at home (they have no kids) while she WORKS AND he takes money from her! She pays all the bills! That is sickening!

I’m quite familiar with a dictionary but I’m sure if we took a poll amongst the women on this site, “most, many, greatest in number, etc” have not and are not dating a deadbeat. Still a dumb statement.

No person in their right mind will ADMIT TO DATING A DEAD BEAT! All those women are out making dumb decisions and not on the internet.

Men and women need to make their children a priority and getting a job and taking care of them is the first way. Spending quality time is also important.

@BG/Shomondo – A housewife is a very hard occupation….however; those women who stay home and the system supports them I called them welfare recipients.

Every woman would love to stay home with their kids but can’t because of finances. To stay home with your kids when you have no other means of taking care of them other than MY TAX money is irresponsible.

@DADDYO:

Just to be funny…

There- 1 : in or at that place —often used interjectionally.

Their- a form of the possessive

@BE HAPPY!:

Excellent post, hun!

@L – I have a friend whose man sits at home (they have no kids) while she WORKS AND he takes money from her! She pays all the bills! That is sickening!

***********************
we all know women like this I want to know WHYYYYY would you date a man with NO JOB!!!!!! It’s different if you are together and he loses his job and is job hunting but if I meet you and you have eNO JOB…kick rocks..catch me when you get that job

@Kami – thanks

I feel a certain kind of way about this topic..dead beat dads and the trifling women who date them!

@BIGGIE:

HAHA! You too????

@L/Kami – see that just comes from low self-esteem…all confident women know that Good D*ck is not that hard to find. and if that is what you want..meet that mofo after 12 midnight and keep it moving. Have him moving in your house eating your food…smh

the only thing worst is having a man in jail..wtf

be back..going to lunch!

@BE HAPPY!:

I know, girl! And if you really analyze those situations of the women who date men like this, I believe that is HAS to be a self-esteem issue. Something!

Certain women get this thrill of getting a deadbeat so they can feel like they accomplished something by “changing” him.

If life teaches you nothing, know that you cannot change a person who doesnt want to change for themselves first.

“Granted, there are men who are diligent and responsible who may have say, lost their job due to a layoff or what have you, and in that scenario its kinda different. I’m still going to stand by him”
—————————————————
I agree with this. Of course, if I’ve been with someone who I’ve SEEN can do better (had his stuff together at the beginning and throughout most of our relationship), no, I’m not gonna just drop him if he fell on hard times…he DEFINATELY needs to be trying though.

What I can’t stand is when you are starting out with someone, and they AUTOMATICALLY think that you are just supposed to start helping them out with THEIR problems, yet act all iffy, if and when you actually need some help, knowing good and well if a woman they had just met started talking about moving in with them and using their car (yeah, right) they’d consider them a gold digging stalker, or something.

I start off quite submissive with men, but when I’m starting to see an entitled, non-reciprocating, yet still not attempting to be on his A-game when it comes to, at least, being considerate to me, if he’s lacking in other areas pattern? What I have to say is “I don’t know what type of desperados you’ve been dealing with, but you need to go back to them, b/c there’s a difference between being nice and generous and being a doormat.”

@ mamamia:

Thank you for calling it as you see it. Bunch of instigators everywhere.

@L
“I have a friend whose man sits at home (they have no kids) while she WORKS AND he takes money from her! She pays all the bills! That is sickening!”
___________________________________________________________

DOES SHE HAVE ANY SISTERS OR ANYTHING?

Thanks Kami…

@ Mamamia…

I must have hit a nerve. It’s not a stupid statement unless it applies. If we took a poll of most women on this site, I’m sure SOME of them will lie. But I can tell you this, out of the countless women I’m friends with, at least 90% of them have that one (or two) guy(s) they would love to forget. The common line is “he just couldn’t get it together”. Women in here are no different.

I’ll admit to dating one or two deadbeats, but that was in my early twenties. Those days are long over!!

blk men could NEVER be deadbeats…its a lie created by the WHite Man

Man, I just dont care™

@L
“I have a friend whose man sits at home (they have no kids) while she WORKS AND he takes money from her! She pays all the bills! That is sickening!”
___________________________________________________________

DOES SHE HAVE ANY SISTERS OR ANYTHING?

==============
SMH,, Now would you really want a woman like this,, I mean really?

@Man:

LOL…I’m not, I’m not!!! Its definitely GOOD, but men are more than that to me and I like to see what they are capable of in their personal lives BEFORE I choose to spread eagle for them. lol

@DADDY O:

I’m glad you have a sense of humor! Most people get upset and want to argue over some silly mess….but you’re cool wit me!

@MORE ACES
“SMH,, Now would you really want a woman like this,, I mean really?”
____________________________________________________________

No kids
Working
Generous

Um…. you DON’T want a woman like this? Shit, maybe you aren’t on the right team. LOL.

@KAMI
“LOL…I’m not, I’m not!!! Its definitely GOOD, but men are more than that to me and I like to see what they are capable of in their personal lives BEFORE I choose to spread eagle for them. lol”
____________________________________________________________

BOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

@Smoovee Sayz:

While your heart was in the right place, if you have to help take care of another man’s baby then, you should NOT be with him.

But damn girl….you did that though?? You’re good……

@KAMI,

It’s a part of growing up, yet some of us are unwilling to admit the truth. It becomes a problem when it develops into a pattern. Then women say… “I don’t know why I keep finding this type of man…”

Daddyo

Thanks Kami…

@ Mamamia…

I must have hit a nerve. It’s not a stupid statement unless it applies. If we took a poll of most women on this site, I’m sure SOME of them will lie. But I can tell you this, out of the countless women I’m friends with, at least 90% of them have that one (or two) guy(s) they would love to forget. The common line is “he just couldn’t get it together”. Women in here are no different.
——————————–

You surely didn’t hit a nerve with me as me and my fiance each make over six figures and are both bringing things to the table. I say it’s a stupid statement bc it’s a huge generalization and if 90% of the women you’re friends with fit into that category then you’re hanging out with the wrong people.

I can say that out of all my friends (from high school, college, law school, and yes even from around the way), I cannot name a single one who fits that category. Of course they’ve dated men who ended up not being great guys for whatever reason, but deadbeats who just couldn’t get it together, no. So it doesn’t apply to me or anyone I know so I stand by my statment.

opportunity is endless for white ppl so if they havnt made anything of themselves – its truly their fault – deadbeats!!! ..ohh sh*t im hearing thunder

@Man, I just dont care™:

Awww…come ‘on! What was wrong with that?? I know it sounds like BS, but its true though.

A man has more of a chance with a woman if he shows some sort of responsibility in his own life. Without the help of anyone else.

But damn…cant say that either cuz even deabeats are on the same playing field as hard-working black men! Dayum!

Wow, this is interesting. I have been dating man with a child who lives in another state and his baby mom got mad that we all spent time together and that he didn’t introduce us. Like, I think she should move on and not worry about what my man does with HIS son. She won’t take him court because she doesn’t want him to spend time with his son, so she’s stupid for neglecting her child’s needs to be with his father. Sometimes guys are forced to be inactive is all I’m saying. And 9 times out of 10 it’s because of the spiteful baby mama.

I meant to say if any woman that would be with you and accept that you don’t take care of your own SEED is as TRIFLING as you are!!!

No scrubs…

been in the situation and too much dram for me.

@DADDYO:

You’re right. And when that female/male finds themselves in that pattern then its time to take a step back and take a look in the mirror, because if you keep attracting the same people, then its time to take a look in the mirror.

@mamamia…

Sigh… what does money have to do with this conversation. Why did you feel the need to bring up how much you and your fiance earn. Just for the record, making six figures is WAY overrated. Sure it gives you the luxury of traveling and buying some of the finer things in life, but at the end of the day, who cares. And furthermore, law firms and corporations expect you to work at least 60 to 80 hours per week for that money. Get over yourself… quick.

But as far as my sweeping generalization is concerned, it applies… MOST of the women I went to high school, college, and law school with have at least one guy they’d love to forget. Off the top of my head, there’s one AKA that I know who’s has not, and that’s sad.

As far as ‘deadbeat’ I don’t know but I’m with someone who was down on his luck for a while but we stuck it out and I helped him when I could and now he back on his feet bought a house -not an apartment- he takes GOOD care of me mentally, financially and physically, so sometimes things aint as clear cut as they seem, just cuz a dude may not have a job when you first meet him don’t mean he a deadbeat you could be passing up the opportunity to be with a good man

@Man, I just dont care™:

*shaking head, and laughing*

You are a trip, boy! And “boy” not meaning to belittle you…..

But you DO have a point there, Mr….

OH lord.. story of my life!… As a woman who has dated a dead beat or two, I’M OVER IT! No disrespect to the men that are down on thier luck right now, but I just can’t/won’t carry another man again. As women we try to be “fixers.” We naturally have this thing where we date men and try to make things better for him. I’ve done it, we probably all have done it. If he doesn’t want to help himself fuc him.

If everybody is saying “No”, why are there so many losers out there with women? Just asking…

Sepia830

If everybody is saying “No”, why are there so many losers out there with women? Just asking…

Thank you!

HI MAN!

It would be one thing if I was with a man for a while and he ran into a rough patch, I would stick by my man til the end. BUT I am NOT trying to spend my life with a no good man who sits on the couch all day, smoked weed, and plays Maddon all day. I’m just not doing it

Sepia830

“If everybody is saying “No”, why are there so many losers out there with women? Just asking…”
—————————————————
“Thank you!”
—————————————————

Yeah, but just because ppl know better doesn’t always mean they will do better.

For example, I don’t think anyone in their right mind would suggest to someone that they should stay with a cheater, but it doesn’t mean that they haven’t been in the same situation themselves at some point.

@NIK

What’s up ma?

I’d date a man who is down on his luck as long as he has the ambition, and hustle in him to strive for something more. I supported my man for a long time while he went to school. People got on me saying that he was taking me for all I had, but here we are years later and both of us are getting our hustle on. We’re BOTH doing pretty ok now, and trust me… He takes care of me if I need it and he holds it down. It’s all about bringing out the best in yourselves and each other. Motivation, and support is very important.

Man:

what catagory do you fall in? You haven’t paid me child support in 6 months!

LOL… j/k luv ya

It would be one thing if I was with a man for a while and he ran into a rough patch, I would stick by my man til the end. BUT I am NOT trying to spend my life with a no good man who sits on the couch all day…plays Maddon all day. I’m just not doing it
————————————————-

Cosign!!! A man has got to have something going on for himself (IE school), planning a business, etc. if he’s not working. If I have to work, so does my man. If he lost his job and is actively looking for another that is one thing, but if he’s never had a job and is not currently looking then that’s a red flag.

@ Daddyo

Well considering we’re talking about dating broke down men who take no responsibility for themselves AND you insuated that it applies to me, I felt the need to point out that you’re statement is insulting even though it, in fact, does not apply to me as my fiance and I both take care of ourselves and eachother. I actually have no reason to get over myself, but thanks.

As for your statement about your friends having men they’d like to forget, I already said that of course many women, including friends of mine, have ex’s that have done something wrong and they’d like to forget. But what we were talking about are deadbeat men who don’t do shit, aren’t about shit, can’t keep a job, don’t take care of their (sometimes multiple) children. That’s what I’m talking about and I still don’t know anyone who has dealt with a man like that (and I’m from NYC) so I take offense to the statment and think you should say “some” and not “most.”

@TRS
“Cosign!!! A man has got to have something going on for himself (IE school), planning a business, etc. if he’s not working. If I have to work, so does my man. If he lost his job and is actively looking for another that is one thing, but if he’s never had a job and is not currently looking then that’s a red flag.”
_____________________________________________________________

SMH… what happened to “love?”

If you are making enough for you AND your family to live comfortably why couldn’t your husband stay at home to take care of the kids?

Cosign!!! A man has got to have something going on for himself (IE school), planning a business, etc. if he’s not working. If I have to work, so does my man. If he lost his job and is actively looking for another that is one thing, but if he’s never had a job and is not currently looking then that’s a red flag.
_____________________________________________
Yup…. What kind of man does that anyway? If I were a man I would feel less of a man sittin around my girls house all the time. I would be embarrassed? The men in my family wouldn’t have it.

SMH… what happened to “love?”

If you are making enough for you AND your family to live comfortably why couldn’t your husband stay at home to take care of the kids?
________________________________________________
That’s a WHOLE nother show Man! He’s DOING SOMETHING. I’m bringin home the bacon (which most men don’t like either) that’s ok with me, as long as he is DOING something! Raising our children would be a full time job. I’m not a housewife never was, but that would be totally fine with me. I’d actually rather it that way. Seriously

@NIK
“what catagory do you fall in? ”
______________________________________________________

I try to fit whatever category the woman I like is interested in.

I try to fit whatever category the woman I like is interested in.
____________________________________________
Man!

LOL……… POSER

I tried this once and learned my lesson. It’s not about being a gold-digger either, but if someone is going through hard times you might not get to know the “real” them if they are truly just down on their luck and not really a deadbeat. They could be depressed, angry, confused, just looking for a distraction, etc. and most times they are in no shape to be getting in a relationship and they know that. You could try it, but why do something hoping to be the exception to the rule? You know there’s otha fish in the sea that is!

I once dated a guy that was a deadbeat regardless of the fact that he had a job. I thought he would change but he was just hanging around because I would always catch him when he falls. Once I realised it though, took back my car and threw him out. I’m not a deadbeat so I wouldn’t date a deadbeat. Smell them a mile away.

@ ManIJDC…
SMH… what happened to “love?”

If you are making enough for you AND your family to live comfortably why couldn’t your husband stay at home to take care of the kids?
—————————————————
I believe in this statement but it’s easier said than done. A man has to provide to be a man. A woman needs to be ‘taken care of’. You can be supportive but you can’t be the breadwinner all the time. IMO.

I believe in this statement but it’s easier said than done. A man has to provide to be a man. A woman needs to be ‘taken care of’. You can be supportive but you can’t be the breadwinner all the time. IMO.
______________________________________________
Sure you can. This is not 1950. There are plenty of stay at home dads, and the mother works. I am pretty much married to my work and would love for my husband to stay home with my children.

Typing fast, meant “insinuated.”

@ Jade

Hey Lady!

I believe that man can still “take care” of you even if he’s a stay at home dad. My cousin’s husband was as stay at home dad until he landed a big time position in his field. When he got that job my cousin actually wished he was back at home all day…I think it depends on the couple.

I think a relationship should be beneficial for both parties. No woman should be taking care of a grown man and no man should be taking care of a grown woman.

As far as being a housewife/househusband that only applies if 2 stable partners who are legally married none of that shacking bull, babymama or baby daddy bull is in effect, meaning the man or wife had a job, made money and then a decision was made for the betterment of the FAMILY 2 have a stay at home parent.
If you are not married, living in assisted housing with a boo- YOU ARE NOT a housewife or househusband- You are a deadbeat. Anyone who is not taking care of their own child male/female is a DEADBEAT BUM.

My brother brought home a nice looking young lady who was in college working part time, all good and then I asked her “do you have any kids?” She said yes but my Grandparents have THEM. At that point I said, Oh how many- 3 and chick was 24. You know I had no more words for her. DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I told my brother- if you go raw with that, you looking at 18-life with a TRIFLING HO. She was dumped with a quickness because on top of having 3 kids he didn’t know about, she originally LIED about having kids- she said she had 0 when my brother asked her. But me she told the truth because I had already let her know that I think I know some of her cousins.

I’m sorry, but this whole scenario regardin’ “THE STAY AT HOME HOUSEHUSBAND” in the longrun wouldn’t work, due to the eventuality of “SELF-RESPECT” and “MANHOOD”…Sides’, I don’t care what some of you gainfully employed women say, you know and I know that most of you would eventually lose respect for a stay at home husband/boyfriend…Especially when he asks for money to buy clothes or to go out with his friends. It would be like handing out an allowance to one of your kids.

@JADE
“I believe in this statement but it’s easier said than done. A man has to provide to be a man. A woman needs to be ‘taken care of’. You can be supportive but you can’t be the breadwinner all the time. IMO.”
_____________________________________________________________

…and what’s the benefit to men to “provide” for their woman?

just like i can never date a single black mother. too much headache.

Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

I’m sorry, but this whole scenario regardin’ “THE STAY AT HOME HOUSEHUSBAND” in the longrun wouldn’t work, due to the eventuality of “SELF-RESPECT” and “MANHOOD”…Sides’, I don’t care what some of you gainfully employed women say, you know and I know that most of you would eventually lose respect for a stay at home husband/boyfriend…Especially when he asks for money to buy clothes or to go out with his friends. It would be like handing out an allowance to one of your kids.
_________________________________________________
Marquis

You have to have a good understanding between both parties to have a stay at home dad. In that kind of a situation you can’t have a “ME MAN” and “YOU WOMAN” mentality because then it will never work. You have to be confident with you and especially in your husband. Not to mention if it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work, then both of you will be working. It’s a pretty easy solution. Compromise

Being a deadbeat is not easy…. first of all you gotta juggle several women just to keep your kick game right. Then you may have to have a fatty or two for rent and transportation….but if you get one of those well off my parents pay for everything girls then you’ve hit the jackpot and need drop some seed and hope her parents pay you off!!!

@ trs… Hello. I don’t know if I would have my man stay at home because I won’t ever want to stay at home. I suppose it depends on who you marry. My husband is very traditional and even if he did stay at home, I would still have to come home and cook and clean. Not that he’s a bad person, just that’s the way he was raised and I was raised to look after a man. So, my man has to work because I expect him to put the bacon on the table. I hope I frased it well because I might be slaughtered.

@ Marquis de Sade

I don’t care what some of you gainfully employed women say, you know and I know that most of you would eventually lose respect for a stay at home husband/boyfriend…Especially when he asks for money to buy clothes or to go out with his friends. It would be like handing out an allowance to one of your kids.
————————————————-

It depends on how secure the man is with himself and it also depends on the woman’s mindset. I would like to emphasize the fact that there are always excepts to the rule. I would not lose respect for my husband if he stayed home and took on a domestic role . This is because even if he isn’t bringing in any money, he is still contributing to the household. It takes a lot of work to run a household and that’s why stay-at-home moms are celebrated. A man shouldn’t be any different.

Not all women would demean their man for wanting to take on the “Stay at home husband” role.

WOMEN: Do you think a guy could “change” with your help…if you were willing of course??

@ L… You can’t change anyone. You can only help them if that’s what they want.

don’t know if I would have my man stay at home because I won’t ever want to stay at home.
_________________________________________________

If the house is clean and the dinner is ready…I’ll let him stay home! LOL

@ Jade

@ trs… Hello. I don’t know if I would have my man stay at home because I won’t ever want to stay at home. I suppose it depends on who you marry. My husband is very traditional and even if he did stay at home, I would still have to come home and cook and clean. Not that he’s a bad person, just that’s the way he was raised and I was raised to look after a man. So, my man has to work because I expect him to put the bacon on the table. I hope I frased it well because I might be slaughtered.
—————————————————

You make some good points. I feel that most men are exactly as you mentioned…they want to be the bread winner, they want to bring home the bacon, and most of them want to make more than you! LOL

However, as I said to Marquis, I think that there are always exceptions to the rule. Some men like to cook and want to stay at home with the children. This is a dynamic that a lot of men can not handle, and I think it’s commendable. In the same fashion, there are some women who can’t cook, etc. That’s why you have to find the perfect match for you and your goals when you get married. You must be “evenly yoked…”

Oh and by the way if that’s you in your gravie you should model.

It depends on how secure the man is with himself and it also depends on the woman’s mindset. I would like to emphasize the fact that there are always excepts to the rule. I would not lose respect for my husband if he stayed home and took on a domestic role . This is because even if he isn’t bringing in any money, he is still contributing to the household. It takes a lot of work to run a household and that’s why stay-at-home moms are celebrated. A man shouldn’t be any different.

Not all women would demean their man for wanting to take on the “Stay at home husband” role.
__________________________________________________
TRS

Very well put

@L
“Good ole homeless d*ck huh?? LOL”
____________________________________________________________

ha ha ha.. I think u’ve been there a time or two!

@ L

NO!!! I don’t think that you can change a man!! What you see is what you get…

NIK

Call me old fashion, but there are certain male/female dichotomies that shoudn’t be bucked…And one of those is the man should always be the main provider/protector. I know in this day and age (with the recession an’ all) that everybody has to work, but there is no way a man can feel like a man, by being a stay at home husband/boyfriend without bringing something equal or more (monetarily) to the table.

@ Nik…My mom worked also and still does, but she wanted us to be able to be strong and provide for ourselves but to also be able to respect traditions. I can never stay at home. I juggle my life and it makes me happy. Also, my hubby is a selfemployed businessman who does well but we both feel that one of us should have a steady income.

@ trs… Thanks for the compliment but that’s Ashwarya Rai, former Miss World. I love her eyes. No homo.

any female who cannot cook or clean is a dumb specie and should be slapped immediatetly. they should also be called useless wh*res.

Call me old fashion, but there are certain male/female dichotomies that shoudn’t be bucked…And one of those is the man should always be the main provider/protector. I know in this day and age (with the recession an’ all) that everybody has to work, but there is no way a man can feel like a man, by being a stay at home husband/boyfriend without bringing something equal or more (monetarily) to the table.
_______________________________________________
Well with that said, I think men who thing like that are insecure with thier manhood. (no disrespect to you) A lot of children don’t ever see thier fathers, and I think it’s great to have men who want to be involved in raising thier children. We have this man and woman role play beatin into our heads for so long that we forget to realize that it’s just important for the woman to feel like she’s contributing to the family other than being bare foot and pregnant in the kitchen. Like I said, I grew up with a judge for a mother. She got home cooked, clean, homework with SIX kids, so on and so forth. I have such strong women in my family that I wouldn’t even know how to be one of those women who changed shitty diapers all day.

@ ManIJDC… What do you want from your woman? If you provide you’re bound to get that benefit.

Everybody on here is talking bout it but let the statistics show that few are doing much about it! Half the ppl on here got a deadbeat, are a deadbeat, or had a deadbeat before…I know i have had one and they do have the best goods alot of time and they can be the sweetest but u gotta look past that cuz at the end of the day, u are better off alone than feeding a grown man..

ha ha ha.. I think u’ve been there a time or two!
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LOL!! Yup been there done that…bought that T shirt

What do you want from your woman?
___________________________________

He wants T & A…

i know every female has had me before.LOL they cannot do without me.

hey shanekwa, wots up? ohh you pregnant, well good for you, who is the daddy? me?looking puzzled. okay addios b*tch. then go look for another victim.

@L
“Do you think a guy could “change” with your help…if you were willing of course??”
_______________________________________________________________

I would change for:

Ashanti
Sanaa Lathan
Meagan Goode
Cassie
TRS
Eva Pigford
Gabrielle Union

So yes, it is possible. LOL.

@JADE SILVER
“What do you want from your woman? If you provide you’re bound to get that benefit.”
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So “Provide = benefit” ?

Sound like quid pro quo to me!!!

Did that question even need to be asked? Dahhhhhhh I mean come on

@ Lady Star…Please change your gravie. Please, I’m asking nicely.

Man, I just dont care™

@MORE ACES
“SMH,, Now would you really want a woman like this,, I mean really?”
____________________________________________________________

No kids
Working
Generous

Um…. you DON’T want a woman like this? Shit, maybe you aren’t on the right team. LOL
================
I would never be with a lazy woman, without a job, or ambition, you gotta bring something to the table, no matter what your preference

@ ManIJDC… How would you ‘change’ to be with those women. Are you suddenly going to have JayZ’s kind of money?

Nik

LOL! It’s not a question of insecurity, but an issue of “TRADITION”. I don’t have a problem with a woman with a career, but on the same token, I take issue with the whole “STAY AT HOME HUSBAND/BOYFRIEND” scenario…And as far as children are concerned, if both parties are working, then providing suitable childcare shouldn’t be an issue. I personally don’t find the whole “HOUSEWIFE” thing attractive either. I feel all women should have a career to fall back on in case things doesn’t workout…But if given the ultimatum of who has to stay home, then “MY” sense of “TRADITION” would dictate that the female should stay home…I know, I know, it’s “CAVEMAN LOGIC”, but that’s just how I (personally) see things…And yes! – It may (in your eyes) seem insecure, but in my eyes, it’s a (healthy) sense of insecurity that should be a part of any real mans’ “MANHOOD” (TRADITIONALLY SPEAKING).

HATERS

I’m about to ruffle some of yall woman feathers…. But heyyy!! I date a guy who pays child support and is not in his child life. Not because he doesn’t want to be but because the courts only permise him to see his child every other holiday and summer… When those times come it is hell getting his child simply because his ignorant babymamma is so busy concerned of his whereabout’s and her child liking to me. Every year she is pregnant with some new guy baby. She thinks these children are collateral to getting whatever she wants from these children father’s. My fiance child is the only child out of her 4 children attending private school. Everything we buy her gets passed down to the other siblings. She recently lost her Section 8 and called him saying… He needs to put a roof over his child (along with her and her other children’s head). We have on a number occassion asked for custody… Her exact words…. “Only if you continue to pay child support because you miss the first two years of her life.” Why he miss the first two years? Cuz she couldn’t stay off Maury testing other guys for the child. SMH Here is a guy who wants to be in his child life and has to bargain with the mother and pay child support. He has gotten to the point where he has given up and decided to wait until his daughter is old enough to make decisions that will be useful in the court of law to persuade the courts to side with him. Instead of having sympathy for teh story his babymama acts out in court. So first I would investigate and then make the decision… Not to mention she has threatned to move to GA on a number occassions and with her newest residence situation it looks like it will happen… Some when will sacrifice being in their children life because they don’t want to deal with the person who made them. Some woman contribute to a man’s departure…

@MORE ACES
“I would never be with a lazy woman, without a job, or ambition, you gotta bring something to the table, no matter what your preference”
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Naw, you misinterpeted what I was saying. “L” described her female friend as having a job, no kids and was giving her man money (generous). That’s why I was askin if she had some friends, sisters or whatever.

BUT to continue, I don’t have a problem with a woman being “lazy”…. There are a few women that lay on the couch all day and I wouldn’t have a problem with it. LOL.

Gangsterlove.

@ ME:

You didn’t ruffle my feathers, but it sounds like you got a good man I guess? Keep him close, take care of him or someone else will….. Good for you!

BUT to continue, I don’t have a problem with a woman being “lazy”…. There are a few women that lay on the couch all day and I wouldn’t have a problem with it. LOL.
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yeah right Man!!!!!! LOL…

@JADE SILVER
“To those women at this point they may see you as a ‘deadbeat’. LOL. What is it about them that makes them worthy. Just because they are on tv and demeed to be glamorous?”
________________________________________________________________

They MIGHT see me as a deadbeat. BUT if I could meet them in person I think I could be pretty persuasive. All I gotta do is a “get a foot in the door.”

I pointed them out as examples. So the fact that they are on tv or whatever doesn’t influence me one way or another. Now, the fact that they are fine as all outside DOES has an influence over me. And I’m not ashamed to admit this.

Hmmmm I wouldn’t date a deadbeat I DON’T THINK, but truth be told, I’m not all down for a man who spends 6 days out of the week with his kids either — unless they live with him. My husband gets his out of state kids a few times a year and that’s enough for me. He pays child support as he’s supposed to also. His kids are good, but in all reality, they can be a little interruption. I actually found myself WISHING my husband would be a deadbeat dad this year. lol

And I KNOW I wouldn’t date (ever again) a man who ddn’t work. Did that one time – NEVER AGAIN.

@Smokie

Hmmmm I wouldn’t date a deadbeat I DON’T THINK, but truth be told, I’m not all down for a man who spends 6 days out of the week with his kids either — unless they live with him. My husband gets his out of state kids a few times a year and that’s enough for me. He pays child support as he’s supposed to also. His kids are good, but in all reality, they can be a little interruption. I actually found myself WISHING my husband would be a deadbeat dad this year. lol

shame on ur selfish one …

Hmmmm I wouldn’t date a deadbeat I DON’T THINK, but truth be told, I’m not all down for a man who spends 6 days out of the week with his kids either — unless they live with him. My husband gets his out of state kids a few times a year and that’s enough for me. He pays child support as he’s supposed to also. His kids are good, but in all reality, they can be a little interruption. I actually found myself WISHING my husband would be a deadbeat dad this year. lol
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Maybe you should have thought about that before you married him. When you married him, you married his children too!

I think that the chick and the dead beat guy should just be friends and the down on his luck should focus on fixing his financial situation, stat ! Dating for a female or male who is on dire cash straits should be put on the back burner, lol…

FULL STOP.

@NIK
ok wtf is she thinking …see thats the damn problem now….hhis out of state kids lol ridic!!!!

@ Man

you know, he was a good father. i was thinking about the kids at that time i guess. we had been together for 5yrs, and i thought or figured, he was just taking a long time to mature, like they say, it takes longer for men….but we got older, and he didnt change. seperated after 5yrs marriage and last yr–divored 3yrs later.

*separated

@ Illuminate Truth

What up Illuminate???!!!

I haven’t seen you in a LONG time!

All of this could be avoided if people would use proper contraception. I’m sorry but if the man is using condoms and the female is on responsible birth control there is NO CHANCE you could get pregnant (at least not a statistically significant chance anyway).
With that being said, “mistakes” happen. And honestly I’ve avoided every man that approached me who has a kid(s). Just seems like too much drama…
Instead of going after the guy with all the looks and none of the potential, it pays off to go with an decent guy with a great personality. I tried it.. i’ve been going out with one of the greatest guys ever for 3 yrs now. THATS the TYPE of MAN women should go after!

@Illuminate Truth

thats why i left. i realized i DID/DO deserve better….just took me a long time to see that. and to see he wasnt going to change– you cant change anyone.

@ mocha77

Yeah, I know a lot of females in a similar situation….waiting for some brotha to grow from a boy to a man….with the same results. You right, you can’t change anyone but there is no excuse for not taking care of your own seed.

Another quote….

“Never underestimate the power you have to change yourself…..and never overestimate the power you have to change others.” – author unknown

I try to live by that.
Good luck with you and yours.

” I’m not all down for a man who spends 6 days out of the week with his kids either — unless they live with him. His kids are good, but in all reality, they can be a little interruption. I actually found myself WISHING my husband would be a deadbeat dad this year. lol”

Wow!! What a sad and pathetic statement, from a sad and pathetic woman. Please don’t have any kids.

@trs

Hey miss lady….how you been?

I’ve been around here and there…..drop a quick post and I’m out.

b*tch stop lying, you know you left me for a jamaican n*gga.you said their d*cks were bigger.

@ Illuminate Truth

I have been good! I am studying for the LSAT, chilling as usual! You been missed around here so you should drop by more often!

What’s good with you?

@NIK
ok wtf is she thinking …see thats the damn problem now….hhis out of state kids lol ridic!!!!
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@plastic

Seriously!

@ trs

Wow….law school huh? Thats a good look. What kind of law do you plan to study? (cause you about to ace that test)

Same ol, same ol here. My daughter is out of school so its almost time to ship my daughter off to del. with my parents for a few weeks….and do me.

@bg(Runnin to the bank to make a big donation)

men like you = completely f*cking worthless.

you equate being a homemaker to being an unemployed deadbeat. and yet i BET you’re the type of loser that wants a woman to run behind you and take care of your a$$ like a little boy.

being a homemaker IS A JOB

@ Illuminate Truth

I want to do criminal law. I feel that is the best way that I will be able to serve my people and that’s why I am going to law school. Thanks for the vote of confidence. I have put so much pressure on myself!

I didn’t know you had a daughter! That’s cute! I bet you are ready to rest huh? LOL

@ the low priestess
homemaker is not a job, do you get income by just being a stay home mom.NO. get you lazy azz to work and STFU.

@T
i know u have been a victim LOL. and i knw you have 12 babies and cannot find the daddy.

TO I GUESS EX HUSBAND..

NO, I LEFT YOU BECAUSE YOU GAVE ME HERPES…..

NOW LEAVE ME THE F*UCK ALONE!!!

@homemaker is not a job

i have a job. and i can tell you it’s a heck of a lot easier to go to a 9 – 5 than to stay at home with a bunch of screaming brats all day AND clean AND cook.

do you have any idea how much money people spend on childcare and chefs and maids????? a homemaker performs all of these functions and gets no pay and, clearly, NO RESPECT.

what a clue idiot you are…

@homemaker thats a lie. never been a victim. no kids honey and will not be getting pregnant by one of these sorry a** dudes. again i see it everyday. now you may be a victim but not me.

actually homemaker sounds like someone who has a few victims. damn

@the low priestess
why i gotta be an idiot. so i guess you are a mom too based on your comment.all i know is a job without income is not a job.

@ trs

Criminal law is whats up. Thats right, follow your passion. Nothing like waking up and feeling like you can make a difference….and going to sleep knowing you did.

Yeah, she’s 14…..I’m a single father. Kinda why this thread meant something to me….just on the other end of the spectrum.

Sue me for hypocrisy here…but I won’t date a single
mother unless she’s wealthy & we are clear that I am just a segment of her “fun time”.If she’s not wealthy-and most people are’nt- she’s too busy & her agenda for us being together is a obvious as an iceberg on South Beach.As for men who can’t/don’t take care of his kids…THAT’S BAD.If you wanna get laid-you should probably OMIT that part of your resume.Oh…and don’t get into serious relationships.

@homemaker

semantics. you are idiot because your comments display how utterly clueless you are about life.

ok, so it’s only a “job” if you get an income. it’s still a hell of a lot of work.

being a homemaker is a 24/7/365 job. there’s no lunch hour. no paid vacation. no quittin time. it’s ALL the time.

It is simply incredible that people don’t have an appreciation for how difficult that is.

how the hell can you compare a man (or person of any kind) that just doesn’t work to someone who has to take care of a home???? HOW???

this is why the black community is in such disarray. because even those that know what to do are not appreciated.

@ mocha77:

Not at all second guessing you, but how was he such a slacker yet a good father? How does that happen, at least, for so long? What do you think his problem was? Wouldn’t it have made sense to him to try to help provide for his kids financially if he treats them well?

I’m probably not wording it right but it seems as if the two would go hand in hand.

@ Illuminate

WOW!! I am so proud of you for doing what is right and raising your child. I am sure that it’s tough being a single parent but I know that you are up to the task!

@ the high Priestess & T:

Please ignore homemaker… he/she is ONLY trying to get under your skin.

@trs
based on your lips, you are not a smoker which is a good thing.

@ trs

Thanks….but I’m only doing what should come natural (non-gender specific). Single moms do it all day, every day…..fathers taking care of their seeds shouldn’t be so foreign, but…. *shrugs*.

I think I may have taken on just as many life lessons as my daughter over time……definitely have a different perspective than most when it comes to women raising children solo.

@ Illuminate Truth

It’s very heartwarming to hear that!!! There are many men out there who wouldn’t step up to the plate in your situation.

*Claps for Illuminate*

We should k.i.t. I know that you don’t come on much but you’re one of my favs from back in the day…You can hit me up at tameas @ live (.) com.

@ Homemaker

Yep, I am a non smoker.

@ trs

Gotcha…..catch up wit ya later.

a black chic will always fuk wit a deadbeat , they claim they like them thugs. look at LIl WAYNE , he is a deadbeat , but still got like three kids on the way

It depends on wat you like and your personality. If the chick likes to be in control of each and every situation, then she might dig a fixer-upper/deadbeat, she would always win… and if he do come up and don’t give her the just due the word would be that fool wasn’t naaaathin before he met her.

wash ya ass>>>yeah, but if I can recall, one of Lil Wayne’s concubines was not black (the mother of his son). Do you really believe that women chasing behind him and all these other rappers are all black? Even in real life, if you open your eyes, you will see a myriad of women of all races wanting a piece of the action. I mean, hell, in that dreaded song Lil Wayne “sung” with Drake at the BET Awards, they prefer “redbones” or Puerto Ricans. What about Latino gang members? Do you think their girlfriends are black? Most probably aren’t. So that debunks your “black women like thugs comment). Some do, some don’t. Maybe if we opened our eyes and stopped the stereotypes, we might come together as a people. However, I think it is highly unlikely.

@a homemaker is not a job
Job:the execution or performance of a task,
one does not have to be paid to have a job. Look at interns, alot of them don’t get paid, but I bet if they didn’t show up they would get fired.
Stop devaluing a mother who works at home taking care of kids.

Putting the bat in the mitt n hittin home runs all day!!!! All stars get top pay!! DON’T HATE!!!! you get what you PAY for LOL!!!!

Honestly, I try to stay away from men who have kids. I’m not getting any younger (27) and it is becoming increasingly difficult to meet a man who does not have kids but I TRY to stay away as much as possible. I don’t have any kids and I want to wait longer before I have any. I feel at times men bring baggage from their previous relationships with the mother of their child(ren) and I’m not ready for that. I want to get up and go whenever I want and I want a man that could do the same. I know that it would be selfish for me to ask a man to do that if he has a family so I look for men that do not have kids.

Hell yea! Bottom line is, its quite a few women will puy up the good pound game.

Its quite a few women that will lay up the good pound game.

Marquis de Sade

I’m sorry, but this whole scenario regardin’ “THE STAY AT HOME HOUSEHUSBAND” in the longrun wouldn’t work, due to the eventuality of “SELF-RESPECT” and “MANHOOD”…Sides’, I don’t care what some of you gainfully employed women say, you know and I know that most of you would eventually lose respect for a stay at home husband/boyfriend…Especially when he asks for money to buy clothes or to go out with his friends. It would be like handing out an allowance to one of your kids
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Well said. There are very few men who still think like you, hence the reason why there are so many single women out there.

It’s not just about dead beat guys not having money but some of them have serious issues, perhaps they need to get a job doing like temp work and going to a therapist, lol…. Or doing some deep soul serching, lol…

WordtotheWise, you made a comment on Latino thugs and that most don’t have Black girls friends, well you know the answer to that question, no, lol. It’s the Black chicks that don’t usually like Latino guys, lol. Why you ask, the obvious reply would be that many Black chicks don’t care for Latino guys due to the fact that as far as gender roles go Latino males are usually the head of the house hold and Black chicks are the head of their household, so that combination would be like two rams battling it out on the mountain top, lol. The best type of guy to get would be a geek, they are certainly not lazy and they are always busy on some “ideas” Lol…. But then again, these chicks are always going to the club looking for thugs or under ambitious guys, lol…

I am 31 with no children I am currently dating someone with a son(he takes good care of him). If I date a guy with a child that is one of the first things that I look at that he takes care of his responsibiltes because that says alot about what type of man he is. If he is a deadbeat I keep it moving That is a turn off!!!
I can’t stand it when some women sit up here and have kid for a man that doesn’t even take care of his other children??? What makes you think that if you have a child for him that he will take care of your child and not his others. I don’t feel sorry for women that put them selves in that situation at all!

There’s nothing wrong with having kids, most people do then don’t. 6 a.m. your wall plan isn’t realistic believe me this issue would be the top news story, lol and there would a massive deep south riot, lol….

Blasting old songs with reggae beats while their kids runnin in the streets askin people fo money

Lets not talk about those Africans up in the Bronx…. going crazy all the time because of Sierra Leone flashbacks…just glad they only got one limb most of the time.

@ Stacy Dee

That is not AT ALL being a snob, that’s just having standards and not being a desperado. I swear, I do not know what happened to “men” I know that ppl say that a lot of them are like that because women enable them by babying them, which is partially true, and women NEED to stop being so damn weak, but I don’t think that women should take the blame for another ADULTS actions just because they are messed up enough to try and get away with all that they can. THEY KNOW RIGHT FROM WRONG AND THEY KNOW WHAT A USER IS – ESP. WHEN THEY FEEL THAT THEY ARE THE ONE GETTING USED.

Hey, there’s a plethora of ppl that I could have used in the past and present for many things – BUT I DON’T DO IT. And it’s not because I’m sort of saint.

You’re not alone in being over the scrub situation, my most recent ex pulled that mess on me for about 4 months and it wasn’t because I fell for any of his crap, it was just that he caught me off guard when he intruded upon me and that started two years ago when I didn’t like turning ppl down because it made me feel bad for them. Now? F that! It’s not my job to take care of anyone but my pet, my parents when they get older and my children, if I have any. NEVER FEEL SORRY FOR PPL WHO WANT TO USE YOU!

@Sugar77, kick knowledge girl! I’m fresh out of an almost six-month “deadbeat” relationship with a man who has two daughters–#1 out of town and #2 in town. He claims that his love for #2 is more severe than his love for #1 because she’s being raised by another man. WTF???? How could a man have more love for one of HIS SEEDS than the other???? If you truly have love in your heart, it knows no boundaries and no one can come between that! He supposedly sends #1 $ every two weeks but that’s probably a joke too. The entire time we were together he never traveled to see his daughter nor did he make arrangements for her to come here to see him.

This man lied about EVERYTHING–his job that he was fired from last year (but he showed me where he allegedly worked), hiding bills he lied about paying and I could go on and on and on. Once I found out he wasn’t working where he told me and the day I came home to a house with no electricity because he hadn’t paid the bill in appreantly a few months (when I checked the bills online and sent him reminders because sometimes we do forget, right? he’d say he would pay it on this date or that but he got caught up in another lie that costed him so much $ in fines and fees he got too far behind and couldn’t catch up), I gave him the choice of telling the truth or leaving me alone. He opted to live a lie, hence, we are no longer together. Whatever the situation may have been, had he been honest, perhaps a real ride or die woman would’ve had his back. However, to keep lying and being a deadbeat, kick rocks m-f–you need someone who’s dumb enough to entertain you and your lies.

Again, it depends on the person, some chicks and guys all they date are dead beats, no ambitious people for them ! Lol…