Dear Bossip: My Husband Stops Speaking & Hears Voices Telling Him Not To Trust Me

Dear Bossip,

My husband is 14 years older than me. We have been married since 2009.

However, my husband gives me the silent treatment and it truly bothers me. For instance, for about two months he has been giving me the silent treatment, and it’s over the least little thing.

We lost my uncle on Christmas Day. So, the family was at odds over a few things. I was discussing something with my husband the next day afterwards. My husband flipped out on me in front of out-of-town guests. Yes, I was embarrassed. So, I told him that he didn’t have to worry about me discussing anything else with him. Well, that Saturday my husband stopped speaking to me and didn’t say a word to me for over a week, and we almost brought in the New Year like that. Trust me, I have thought about walking away.

Other than that, my relationship with my husband is for the most part really well. We hardly argue. My husband and I do have disagreements on some things about life such as the death penalty, which I’m not for it. Also, we are always doing getaways or mini-vacations. My husband gives me whatever I ask him for, if it’s within our means. Everyone loves our relationship, and looking in at it, we do look perfect sometimes. I inform family members that we are not speaking and they are shocked to learn this.

Normally when he acts up I ignore him. The longest silent treatment has been a week maybe. Once he breaks his silence he informs me that things tell him in his head not to trust me. However, he then informs me that he is working on not thinking crazy. I have never given him a reason to feel this way. I am getting very tired of his treatment. How do I handle his silent treatment? What should I do because I’m really getting tired of it? – Silent Treatment

Dear Ms. Silent Treatment,

I have a couple of concerns, and I am particularly leery that your husband is hearing voices in his head that tells him not to trust you. Uhm, sweetie, if your husband is hearing voices, or there are things telling him in his head not to trust you, then he needs to seek professional help. The hell! He’s hearing voices, or something is telling him what to do and think. Girl, your man is hearing voices, or he thinks something is telling him not to trust you. HE NEEDS HELP! That is not normal. Your husband should be in therapy. I wonder what other things he’s hearing or things he’s being told not to do, or telling him what to do.

Now, the silent treatment is a bit childish. It’s silly, and immature. It’s obvious he doesn’t know how to either express himself, deal with confrontation or his own anger, and he can’t fully communicate when he has issues or challenges, thus, he feels compelled to shut down, and shut you out. Again, if he is unable to communicate or express him and feels the urge to shut down and shut you out to gather his thoughts, or to figure out how to express himself, then this is something he developed as a child, which he has carried into adulthood; which means he is still emotionally and mentally childlike in his behavior, and he should be in therapy to help work through this issue. It will be difficult to undo, considering he is older, and especially if he doesn’t want to address this issue. He may not find anything wrong with what he’s doing. He may tell you that this is just the way that he is, and you have to deal with it. However, if he is willing to seek therapy and get help to address it, then there is some hope. Again, he has to want to change. You can’t make him change.

And, if he is going days, and even weeks without speaking to you, then that is a problem. Yes, you’ve been married for nearly 10 years, and on the most part your relationship is pretty well, and you have mini-vacations and getaways, but, that still doesn’t address the fact that he snapped on you in front of out-of-town guests, and when he gets angry or upset with you he can go days and maybe week/s without speaking to you. How can you live with someone who refuses to speak to you? How do you work through your problems or issues if the other person shuts you out? Do you sleep in the same room, same bed? Do you just walk by each other and not utter a word? What about when you have to deal with issues in the home, or it’s time to pay bills, or deal with other problems? What about when it’s time to eat, do you ask him what he wants for dinner, and do you sit down and eat together? And, if you have children, then how do you parent when one parent is not speaking? And, when he finally speaks and he tells you that something tells him not to trust you, do you just dismiss it? Do you not ask him what is telling him this? Do you ask what other voices or other things he is hearing or being told? Honey, you should be concern about these voices! This is so bizarre.

Look, you can recommend to him that he gets into therapy, as he needs to work on two critical things – 1.) The voices he is hearing in his head. 2.) How to learn to express himself without shutting down, or shutting you out. If you want your marriage to succeed, and not feel like an outsider in your own home, and like a stranger with your husband, then get him to work on these as they are important to you, him and your marriage. Let him know how this makes you feel, and how you don’t like being shut out from him and by him. Express to him that the lack of communication, and his inability to express himself only makes you feel isolated, and he has to find a better way of expressing himself instead of not speaking, or talking to you. Also, you have to share that he needs to address the voices and things he’s hearing in his head, and that it needs serious attention. How long has he been hearing these voices, or things telling him not to trust you? If this is an ongoing thing in which hears voices, or something telling him what to do, then he needs to get help immediately. Who’s to know if those voices or things tell him to do something to you. Girl, don’t sleep on this. Get it addressed as soon as possible. – Terrance Dean

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