Dear Bossip: I Saw My BFF's Man With Another Woman & Am Not Sure If I Should Tell

Dear Bossip,

Me and my best friend grew up together.  We lived next door to each other up until we both went away to college.

I was out celebrating my cousin’s birthday with her when I saw my best friend’s boyfriend all tucked in the corner of the room with another woman, and they were going at it regardless of the fact that they were in a room full of people. Even though me and my friend are very close, we’re practically sisters, I have seen plenty of friendships ruined when you cross the line and step into your friends’ relationship because they often seem to think you’re coming from a negative place and think that you should mind your business, (especially women who feel like they have a really good thing going).

I feel stuck between a rock and hard place because I don’t want her thinking that she is with a man that is committed to her when I know otherwise. But, I also don’t wanna risk our friendship because a lot of people would feel like it’s not my place to say anything because it’s their relationship and has nothing to do with me. My other issue is what if she was to find out he was cheating and that I knew about it and said nothing? I would feel like a terrible friend. So, I am really torn about this. – Torn About What To Do

Dear Ms. Torn About What To Do,

I recommend you call your friend immediately, and/or, you invite her out and tell her what you saw. You let her know that you are coming from a place of love, care, and compassion, and that you truly care about her, therefore, you are telling her because you don’t want her to be hurt, or embarrassed by someone she thinks and feels is in love with her, and she is in love with them. Let her know that you were just as shocked and surprised at what you saw, and it truly hurt you when you saw her boyfriend in a public setting doing what he was doing, and he seemed to not have a care in the world of who saw him. Trust, a man who is tucked in a corner at a party going at it with another woman obviously wants people to see him, and he wants to get caught. You can’t be that bold and brazen and behaving in such a manner with a woman, especially if he is already in a relationship. He doesn’t care and he wants to get caught.

Girl, I don’t understand why you didn’t pull out your phone and get to snapping pictures, or, hell, record a video. It would have sealed the deal if you had gotten proof of what you saw and presented it to your friend. That way, he couldn’t lie or weasel himself out of what is clearly in the pictures, or video. And, it would save you of having to answer the question that will come from your friend, “Are you sure it was him?” Yes, she is going to ask that question. They always do, because the first sign of hearing news, whether good or bad, is denial. People are always in denial when they hear something, “Are you serious?” “Nooooo!” “Really?” “That can’t be!”

Also, yes, I do understand about getting involved with other people’s relationships. Most times people think you are hating on them, or you want their man, or woman. Also, if you tell then it’s your word against their boyfriend/girlfriend’s word. Who will they believe? You, the long time friend, or the person they are in love with? It’s a gamble, and it makes it difficult coming between your friend and their partner. And, when you do tell and learn that they are still involved with that person you then you question if telling them did any good at all. So, yes, I understand being between a rock and a hard place. You wonder if getting involved will jeopardize your relationship. What happens when it backfires, and they don’t believe you and they get angry with you?

But, for your sake, tell your friend. Ease your mind, and release your guilt or conscious in knowing you have this information. Let her know. And, be frank with her and let her know that you are there for her. Explain to her that you are concerned and worried that in telling her it may not do anything, or change anything. Yet, let her know, that for your conscious, heart, and peace of mind, you wanted to say something because if the shoe had been on the other foot you would want someone to tell you. And, regardless if she goes back and confronts him, he denies it, or she forgives him and they get back together, then you know as a friend, a sister, that you have done your part and it won’t be on your conscious. You’ve done your part. All you can do is love her, support her, and be there for her. Because, either way, she is going to be hurt, mad, angry, upset, and saddened by the news, and she is going to need her friend to help her through this next phase of her life. She may resent you, hate you, be made at you, or thank you and appreciate you coming to her and being a friend and giving her a heads up. Whatever the outcome, she is going to need a friend to get through this, and, that is all you can do is be her friend. – Terrance Dean

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