Dear Bossip: He & His Family Denied My Child Until I Proved He Was The Father

Dear Bossip,

I recently gave birth and now everyone who doubted my child’s paternity is stressing me out.

My child isn’t even a month old, and there are so many people against me.

When I first found out I was pregnant I was so happy. I thought I was in a good place with my child’s father. Then, things changed. I found out he told several women the baby was not his. He also told his family the same thing. I told him I never cheated and would give him and whoever else proof. I got really stressed out with everything and ended up having my pregnancy induced because the baby was in distress.

During my labor I was so uncomfortable. His mother was there because he wanted her to be. My mom wanted to be there, but there was so much tension I didn’t want my family to see it so I endured it alone. He refused to sign the birth certificate. The day I went home from the hospital he pressured me to go visit him mother, so I did.

Two weeks later we went to visit his mother and she was drunk. She told him how his sister was waiting on the DNA test. That explained why she didn’t post any pictures. Then, one of his ex-girlfriends inboxes me and told me how he denied my baby and even sent screenshots. Then, he gets his results proving that he is the father. His family posted pictures and said my daughter has his last name but she doesn’t.

Some woman started playing on my house phone. Come to find out, she is a married woman he was with, but she aborted his baby. She too was told he didn’t think he is the father.

I never cheated or lied, yet, my integrity was tested. I’m so hurt. I’m dealing with post-partum depression. I want to be happy, but I feel attacked. I was raised to believe the man should be the protector, but I feel like this man did not protect me from anyone or his family. I’m not sure if I’m overreacting because my hormones aren’t balanced, but I don’t want to give my child his name. I don’t know how to deal with any of this. – Baby Mama Drama 

Dear Ms. Baby Mama Drama,

You obviously welcome this drama into your life because you stay going to his momma house. You let him dictate and control your relationship, and he allows others to violate you with no boundaries or protection. He has denied you and your child. He got his family to turn against you. He threw you under the bus, and left you there to fend for yourself. You’re so caught up in trying to prove something to him and his family even to your own demise. If you were that tired of the drama and stress, then you would simply cut the negativity out, and just raise your child and be unbothered.

Based on your letter it’s obvious you’re still with your child’s father. Despite the fact that he has other women, and he’s telling his exes about you and your relationship, which means he is still in communication with them, or he has some dealings with them. Why are you with a man who denied your child, told others that it was not his child, and got his family to turn against you and question whether he is the father or not? Why are you running after him, still? And, for the life of me I don’t understand why during labor you allowed his mother to be in the delivery room, but told your mother to stay home? HUH? Why wouldn’t you want your mother to be there with you? She is the one person who stood by your side, and is your support system, and probably the one who is going to help you with the child. Yet, you didn’t want her to be with your during one of the most important times in your life, but, instead you allowed your boyfriend’s mother, a woman who doubted the paternity of your child, into the delivery room. Yup, you’re a glutton for punishment. You like drama. You like stress.

You’d rather allow others to abuse you mentally and emotionally because you desperately desire and want them to accept you and your child. That explains why you run over to your boyfriend’s mother house with your child. You want to be welcomed into the family, and to be part of his family. You’re willing to put yourself into the line of fire, and allow them to mistreat you because you so desperately want to be liked, to be loved. SMDH! You don’t love yourself, and you have no self-respect. If you allow them to treat you the way that they do, and you keep going back for more, then it’s obvious you do not like who you are. You’re so caught up into him, and being the baby momma who bends over backwards for her man, that you neglect your own well-being.

His family has no loyalty to you. They don’t care about you. They showed you who they were when they believed what he said about you, and how they denied the child until you proved that he was the father. They accept the child, but they don’t want anything to do with. Therefore, remove yourself from this situation. Remove yourself from their drama. Remove yourself from this torment, this hell, and this need to prove anything to them. Take him to court and put him on child support. You’ve proven he’s the father, therefore, get his behind on child support payments. Then, get yourself into therapy for your post-partum depression. You’re suffering because you keep wanting them to accept you, embrace you, and love you like you’re one of their own. That will never happen. A therapist will help you sort out your emotions and how to refocus the energy you are pouring into others who obviously want nothing to do with you. You can refocus all that energy into yourself and your child. Loving yourself, embracing yourself, respecting yourself, and setting clear boundaries. Until you learn how to take care of you and your child, then you will forever be running behind this man and his family hoping they see you, embrace you and accept you. Let them go and your life will be easier, simpler, and happier. – Terrance Dean

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