Dear Bossip: He Claimed I Gave Him An STD, But I Was A Virgin & He Was The Only Guy

Dear Bossip,

I started talking to this guy in February 2015. I was 19 years old at the time.

The first time we met was through mutual friends over social media. We dated for a whole year until February 2016. I am now 20 years old.

At the time that I was dealing with him I was a virgin. I was clicking with him and I really liked him, and eventually I lost my virginity over time. He was a hood dude and he liked me so much because I was a virgin and nobody had messed with me. I lost my virginity to him in June 2015, and he was a dog I do admit it. We were still messing around and about a year later he told me I burned him. I had never slept around and he claimed I was the only persons he was sleeping with and having raw sex.

I went to the doctor and I was positive for Chlamydia! I had feelings that he was dealing with other girls, but I liked him so much I just figured I was lucky to have him, and that someone like him would even talk to me or mess with me. Now, I’m not ugly. I do know I can have anyone I want, but it was just something about being with his bad guy that it had me going crazy! I also thought that because over time he always asked me for sex on a regular basis and we weren’t using a condom then who else could he be having sex with? I even thought I gave him something by maybe accidentally wearing someone else clothing. I totally blamed myself, especially when I knew I NEVER slept with anyone during the whole year I was with him.

So, in February 2016, he totally blamed me. He stopped calling me and ignoring my calls. I was only chasing him because he needs to know I didn’t give him anything and I’m not a hoe. He blames me for everything and stopped talking to me for months. I just really wanted him to know I didn’t give him anything

Now, he believes I was never a virgin. We texted each other every day for a whole year straight, and we went on dates. I mean this dude liked me a lot, but now something so mind blowing has happened! He called me all the time for sex, so I knew he wasn’t sleeping around. Well, at least I thought he wasn’t because stuff like this just doesn’t pop up. Could it be possible that he been had it and over time it just reached the surface? Please give me some advice on what to do. – Trying To Prove My Innocence

Dear Ms. Trying To Prove My Innocence,

Stop. Please. Just stop trying to prove your innocence, and that you didn’t burn him, and that you were virgin. He knows you didn’t burn him. And, he knows you were a virgin when you started having sex. He also knows that he is the one who burned you and gave you Chlamydia. He is the hoe. He is community d**k that you were sharing.

Yes, your instincts were right that he was messing around with other girls. However, because you were so caught up in him, his persona, his image, and that this bad boy could possible like someone like you and want you that you failed to protect yourself. You failed to honor and respect yourself, your body, and your heart and mind. You let your guard down, and gave him something so precious and unfortunately it has now turned into a bitter and regretful decision.

And, for the record, I do believe that either two things happened: 1.) He lied to you and misled you into believing that he was not having sex with other girls. You believed him and you allowed yourself to be used, and to engage in unprotected sex. That was a huge mistake. Just so that you know, he was having unprotected sex with multiple women, and was probably telling them the same thing he told you – he was being faithful and was not sleeping around with other women. He lied to all of you, and all of you believed him and had unprotected sex with him. Sweetie, you should be thankful he didn’t bring you another disease that you would not be able to get rid of. 2.) He already had Chlamydia before you and he started having sex, and he probably gave it to other women, and they confronted him. However, he came back to you and blamed you. It was advantageous for him to blame you because you were probably the least likely to confront him, and because you and he were not serious, it would be easier to end things with you.

This is a huge lesson and I hope you learn some things from this. First, never have unprotected sex with a guy, regardless of what he tells you and how he makes you feel. Don’t allow yourself to be played, to be used, to be manipulated, and to be misled into giving yourself to a man without protecting yourself, and your body. You were so caught up in what you thought he represented, and that someone like him would be into you, that you let your guard down. You betrayed yourself and your body because you gave all your power over to him. Don’t ever give someone more credit or power because you want them to like you.

Second, you and he were never in a relationship. You even state that you talked, texted, and went on a few dates. But, your relationship was never defined. You thought you were in a monogamous relationship, but notice that every time he called you it was for sex. Dating, being in a relationship, and being someone’s bed buddy are different things. They are not one and the same. If you were not clear about your relationship, then you should have asked what you and he were doing. If you assumed you were in a relationship, you still should have communicated with him to make sure that you both were on the same page. Never assume, and never think you have something exclusive, monogamous, and committed if it has never been discussed or agreed upon.

Finally, please stop running after a man trying to prove yourself and your innocence. If you know you didn’t burn him, had not been sleeping around, and you were a virgin, then please stop trying to prove it to him. He is manipulating you and playing games. He knows he is the one who gave you the disease. He knows that you were not sleeping around. And, he knows you were a virgin. He is turning all this on you because he wants to make himself look good and that you were the promiscuous one. He’s trying to save face. Girl, you know the truth. You know he’s a dog. He’s a cheater. He’s a hoe. He’s the one sleeping around and having unprotected sex, and passing along diseases. Please stop running after him, calling him, texting him and contacting him on social media. Trust and believe that your friends and anyone who knows him are aware of his behavior, and his lies. No one believes him, and quite frankly who cares what he thinks about you.

Move on. Stop fretting, worrying and investing energy into him. He is not worth it. He’s a liar. He’s a manipulator. He’s playing games. He’s a hoe. He’s not worth your time, attention, or energy. You made a mistake. Learn from it. Be stronger, wiser, and smarter. And, now you know that the bad guy is not worth it, and not worth giving yourself or body. Grow up, and protect yourself. Always use protection when engaging in sex. Always think of your body, and how important it is. It is your temple. Keep it safe. – Terrance Dean

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