Dear Bossip: I Was Cool With My Boyfriend’s Sister, Now She’s Trying To Break Us Up

- By Bossip Staff

black-woman-stressed

Dear Bossip,

Okay, so, me and my boyfriend have been together for a little over a year. This past summer I met his family when he took me to their annual 4th of July get together.

I got along with everyone and especially clicked with his sister because we have a lot in common. We hung out here and there throughout the summer, and since I work nights I even watched her son until she could get him into daycare. However, recently, she completely flipped out and started telling my boyfriend that she always sees me with different guys while he is at work. She said that I don’t really have a job and that I just use that as an excuse to go out and sleep around. It is like she just completely turned on me.

I don’t even go out a lot and when I do it’s with my boyfriend and sometimes my best friend. And, because my boyfriend knows this he confronted his sister about her lies. She got mad at him for defending me and she accused him of caring about me more than his own flesh and blood. Now, she is doing everything in her power to separate us even telling him and anyone that will listen that the baby I’m carrying is not his. She’s even saying that he shouldn’t marry me because she doesn’t want a whore in the family.

Me and boyfriend have a great relationship and we have never been happier, but his sister’s constant harassment is stressing me out. I know that as I get further in my pregnancy that won’t be good so how do we get her to stop being so meddlesome and detrimental to the life we are trying to build? My boyfriend tried talking to her but that only made her ramp up her attacks on me. – Ms. Fed Up and Tired

Dear Ms. Fed Up and Tired,

Let’s see here, you’re pregnant, and building a relationship with your boyfriend. His sister, for some reason or another, flipped on you and is starting trouble in your relationship and attempting to break you two up. Well, I’m curious to know why she flipped out? What made her turn on you all of a sudden? Something happened. I’m sure something occurred. So, what is it?

You left out some details in your letter, like the gap between hanging out with her and watching her son that something happened. And, I am wondering if while you and she were hanging out here and there, that it was her way to pry into your personal life. She’s his sister, but I’m sure that she was trying to get into your business at the same time. This is why you have to be careful when you’re dating someone and all of a sudden their family member wants to hang out and party with you. That’s when you have to say, “Thanks for the invitation, but I can’t right now. I have another obligation.” Or, “Let’s grab lunch,” and you make sure to bring a third party, or you bring your boyfriend. Don’t do one-on-one individual partying and outings. Things can be said and be misconstrued, misread, and misunderstood. I’m not hanging out with my partner’s family members alone, or going out with them. Nope. Not going to happen.

But, at any rate, I recommend that you stay away from her. Don’t engage her. Don’t entertain her. Don’t call her. Don’t answer her calls. You and she are not friends. And, you got to comfortable too quick with her. You thought you knew her, or you were led to believe she was cool, but as you are experiencing she is not your friend, or that cool. So, don’t engage with her any further. And, as you mentioned, you are getting further along in your pregnancy, and you don’t need the stress or aggravation. So, ignore her. Let her talk. Let her say whatever she wants. As long as you and your boyfriend are good, and he is invested in you, then who cares why his sister’s panties are in a bunch.

He’s already confronted her. And, despite him talking with her she still continues to do what she is doing. So, she is either jealous, upset, mad, angry, or bitter. And, quite frankly, who cares. Hell, you and your boyfriend should both sit with her and find out what is her problem. You both invite her out to lunch and ask her what happened and if you did or said anything to her for her to be acting this way. And, if that doesn’t work, then, move on with your life, and enjoy your new baby with your boyfriend and don’t engage or entertain her. You can go to the family functions, be cordial and speak, but don’t go further than that. And, besides, I wouldn’t worry too much about her because you are not building a relationship with her. You are building a relationship with your man. Your concern is your new child, and your man. She is insignificant. – Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:  @terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE!

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Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria   Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

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