10 Tips to Impress Your Potential In-Laws (Part I)

Posted on October 1st, 2009 - By Bossip Staff

Categories: Love and Relationships, News, Top Ten Lists

2005-04-01-20-1

Good day Bossip readers! First, I wanted to say thank you for all the lovely feedback and topic ideas for our love, relationship and sex column! Your response was amazingly positive and inspiring! One particular topic suggestion stood out because it got me thinking. How does one impress their future in-laws? This can be an extremely frightening encounter. The nervousness alone is enough to have someone on the verge of sickness not knowing what to expect, if they’ll like you and, most of all, will their opinion change the way your partner feels about you? But fret not, there are ways to combat the anxiety and perhaps the best way to do so is being prepared! You should brace yourself for the best and worst, because meeting the parents could take your relationships to new heights OR make you want to bail from not only the dinner table, but your significant other as well! So pay attention because you might not make the cut after Mom and Dad get a hold of you. Hell, after meeting them, you might not want to! Even if it doesn’t work out, you want to leave an impression … something to be desired. So take a look at these tips to impress your would be in-laws and let us know your thoughts! Remember to e-mail your feedback and topics to loveandrelationships@bossip.com!

1.) Do Your Homework - in the days leading up to meeting the parents ask your guy/girl what their mom and dad like to do for leisure. For example ladies, if Mom reads books, find out what type and her favorite author to keep the discussion light! If you don’t know about that particular writer, ask her about it! Fellas, sports is the default topic for most men but if you or Dad are not the sporty type, try for occupations. Try and stay away from politics and religion unless you already know you both agree.

2.) Be Natural - parents who are open-minded, accepting and excited to meet you will make this easy. But unfortunately, this is not the case with everybody’s Mother and Father! Especially if you’re dating the wild child of rigid no non-sense parents! If you’re not religious and don’t know scriptures word for word, don’t act like you do or pretend to be something you’re not. But be prepared to answer those questions! Always be open to be educated. For example, “No, I don’t know a whole lot about why Cain killed Abel, would you please explain?” You can’t go wrong with this approach. Furthermore, it gives them a chance to do all the talking.

3.) Be Helpful- Ladies, the kitchen is the default location to help your man’s mom. Even if she says she doesn’t need help, insist. If there’s dishes that need to be dried or washed, just do it. Or instead of asking, say “Mrs. ___, let me help you with those dishes, so you won’t be shackled to the kitchen after the meal. Everything smells delicious!” Fellas, you can help Mom and Dad if you see the man struggling with heavy objects, give him a hand, no questions asked. If you see Mom reaching for something in a tall cabinet, grab it, no questions asked. Be a man’s man and you’ll get crazy kudos. Pretty boy don’t lift a finger but to smooth the eyebrow types get talked about in the worst of ways, if not, embarrassed.

4.) Know Your Boundaries - Ladies, please don’t go to Mom with the idea that you may know him better than she does. This is a one way street to the side eye! While you may know what he does and doesn’t like, let her be the first to tell you since she was the first to know. For example, if you’re making sandwiches and your guy doesn’t like mayo, pull it out the fridge anyway and she’ll quickly let you know he’s doesn’t like mayo. Your response: “I’ve been told, but I thought you might like some.” Now she loves you. Fellas, stick to the idea that you don’t know the man’s daughter inside and out yet! He’ll share a story or two and it’s okay to say, “No. I didn’t know that about her.” Because you never want to be blindsided with with the “so how well do you know her?” Or “you know her quite well, huh?” Spare yourself the discomfort and remember you’re an outsider in their eyes.

5.) Dress The Part – Ladies, a simple dress and not so high heels are always great but be mindful of the necklines and dress lengths. Never know what the parents have gone through, and dear old Dad might be a throwback ladies man and finds that your breasts look awful nice and can’t take his eyes off them. Awkward and, not to mention, embarrassing to Mom. You get it. Jeans work too, but make sure they’re not the tightest pair you own, and if they are, wear something to cover your bum. Fellas, sagging is not cool, period. Jeans and pants that fit are a good look, and dress them up with a polo or button-up and a nice pair of shoes! No kicks, no timbs, for the first time at least!

I hope these first few tips help anyone who may be facing the parents in the near future! Look for Part 2 soon!

E-mail your topics and feedback to loveandrelationships@bossip.com

  • Nam

    good tips

  • Trouble

    Gold?

  • Trouble

    …or! maybe not.

  • Proud ArmyWifee

    This dont mean nothing, because at the end of the day if they like you they do, if they dont they dont. My in-laws dont like me because I took thier “cash cow”, and they hated it and still hate me, but maybe thats just my in-laws like that. Pray about this is my opinion.

    ****SUPPORT OUR TROOPS****

  • MochaLove

    @ TROUBLE … CYNIC!!

    First impressions are lasting and you can’t get that moment back once it’s over so it’s either good or bad. There’s a time and a place for everything … and when you meet the parents you gotta come correct, period.

    My mom would dog ALL my brother’s girlfriends if they weren’t helpful or at least ask!! I liked a fair share of them, but my brother was SO turned off by a girl who didn’t at least extend a hand. I think if they knew some of these things they might of stood a chance!!

    I think the tips were pretty good.

  • CAT EYES

    @ Trouble
    I agree that these tips are wack.Usually,I know right off if I like the person they brought home or not,regardless of appearances or conversation.

  • bored enough for Bossip!!

    @Trouble

    Your not a cynic!! YOUR RIGHT!!!!!

    I tried most of those ideas when i first met my future mother in-law… Guess what? she still doesn’t like me!!!
    I’m real with her – she doesn’t like me!! it doesn’t have anything to do with me – she just didn’t want her son to move out of her house and leave her!! (he’s 21 get over it already!!)

    Now his dad – real with him from the start.. He and i get along better than him and his son!!

    Tricks to making people (in-laws) like you don’t work!! BE YOURSELF!!

    and if they don’t like it – well F*^% them!!!

  • Pookie

    Didnt need to read that to know…same predictable tips since the turn of the 17th century

  • Crank That

    NEVER TRY TO IMPRESS IN-LAWS. IF THEY DON’T LIKE ME, THEN DON’T LIKE ME! :)

  • Trouble

    @MochaLove

    Still gotta disagree. I understand that first impressions are lasting ones…BUT!

    Whatever impressions a person gets should be derived from an authentic you. (Not some made up faux persona)

    For example, If you don’t “do” the kitchen what sense does it make to act like you do? It will show the moment you offer to help somebody’s momma in the kitchen. And then you look like the fraud you are…

    If you sag 90% of the time what will these same inlaws think of you when they realized you fronted the first time you met them?

    It’s not worth compromising your true self. If you have to front from the the start you will forever have to FRONT!

    Like, your moms dogging your brothers chicks for not helping? C’mon!
    She had her mind made up before she met them that she wasn’t gon’ like em and it wouldn’t have mattered what they did or tried to do. She wanted a househelper not a daughter in law! LOL!
    And your brother? If he would kick a chick to the curb for not being your mom’s househelper?

    It’s laughable. (But what does it say about him?)

  • TM30

    Here’s a tip, if your parents raised you right, just be yourself. If they didn’t invest in, ‘Home Training for Dummies’. Regardless what you do some in-laws are he11 bent on disliking you. When I stopped caring is when my in-laws started to come around…by then it was too late to establish relationships. I keep it cordial and have contact out of respect for my husband and children. But this is what happen when you refuse to have people run your life. The boundaries go both ways, in-laws don’t expect to come over and think you can do whatever you want. No, you have to show respect, ask permission, and stay out of people’s personal spaces.

  • white male

    Be very polite and speak properly. And mention all the school things and work related things that you are doing.

  • white male

    And mention church

  • TM30

    @Its6amHoGetOut Resident genius

    I had to put it out there. In the past 7/8 years I’ve seen things that have completely amazed me. SMH.

  • http://deleted Yasmin

    Lol @ 6am.
    Madd Funny, Definitely True Though.
    Not The Bama Part, Im Not Gonna Go There, But Your Tips Is Cool.

  • TM30

    “And mention church”

    When you mention this, be prepared to stand your ground if there is a difference. When in their presence be respectful and don’t commit to anything you are unsure of. Matter of fact if there is a difference, don’t bring it up.

  • http://deleted Yasmin

    I would never go out of my way to impress in-laws.
    If they like me, thats wassuhp, if not I would still be respectful but it is what it is. I would definitely dress proper though I do agree with that. I think that is just common courtesy. I wouldn’t front for anyone though, that I dont agree with.

  • http://deleted Yasmin

    I agree with TM30, church and politics are a no no.

  • Trouble

    @GG

    Thank you!

  • Crunch Berry

    What the hell are you idiots talking about “F#@k the in-laws”? You sound crazy. If you give even half a damn about your spouse, you would make the effort to try and honor the people who brought him/her here in the first place. Not to mention, these are probably the people whom he/she loves the most in this world. You would be a fool not to consider this and govern yourself accordingly…

  • %#&?!!

    im not into wh bread but ashton can really really get it!

    i refuse to read about some stupid tips on in-laws. rolling me eyes ((o_0))
    stupid discussion

  • 1TruDiva w/the PlatinumVocals—Pimpin, Platinum style!!! J-Hud’s concert was OFF THE MEAT RACK!!!!!!!!!

    I’m sorry, but I don’t remember kissing my mother-in-laws ass!

    I’m not not will I ever put myself in a psotion to conform my thoughts or actions just to please a mother-in-law. Some MIL’s think that NO One is too good for their son and start out early on with subtle hints this.

    That was the case with mine. No matter what I did, she ALWAYS claimed to do it better.

    For instance-early on in my marriage, I ironed my husband’s work shirts every weekend. My mother-in-law visited once and commented negatively on his shirt KNOWING he had already been in it all day. Instead of saying something to her, I got up, grabbed a couple of grocery bags, went into our bedroom and collected all of his uniform shirt and placed them by the door. As she was leaving, I handed her the bags and told her goodnight. She asked what was in the bags and I told her. She frowned but still took the bags. She bought the shirts back a few days later all freshly ironed and on hangers but NEVER mentioned anything more about how I ironed his clothes.

    Sometimes, you have to find ways of subtly, yet respectfully, putting a meddling mother-in-law in her place. We all want and expect the best for our sons but there are times when the meddling can go too far!!!

  • 1TruDiva w/the PlatinumVocals—Pimpin, Platinum style!!! J-Hud’s concert was OFF THE MEAT RACK!!!!!!!!!

    There are some mothers-in-law that are miserable and think that no one is good enough for their son. There are also the ones that think you’re trying to take their place in their son’s life and that’s simply not the case.

    There are ways that you can show them the opposite but honestly–you KNOW some are just settled in their ways and don’t want to listen to reasoning.

    I couldn’t do anything to change my mother-in-laws feelings. My husband expressed to me on more than one occasion that she could stand Nina until AFTER they broke up and could understand all the love and admiration she showed her once I came along.

    Although it made for many uncomfortable situations at gatherings, I always tried to show her respect.

    Sometimes, even that doesn’t work.

  • 1TruDiva w/the PlatinumVocals—Pimpin, Platinum style!!! J-Hud’s concert was OFF THE MEAT RACK!!!!!!!!!

    *couldn’t stand Nina……

  • 1TruDiva w/the PlatinumVocals—Pimpin, Platinum style!!! J-Hud’s concert was OFF THE MEAT RACK!!!!!!!!!

    *couldn’t understand all the the love and admiration…

    Please excuse the typos.

  • 1TruDiva w/the PlatinumVocals—Pimpin, Platinum style!!! J-Hud’s concert was OFF THE MEAT RACK!!!!!!!!!

    Heck!

    I can remember the third or fourth time in her presence. She made a negative comment about the fact that my grandmother was a Justice Of The Peace and (her words) “personally, if you want to impress me, tell me she’s a judge” or something like that. Mind you, I wasn’t the one that mentioned it–my future husband bought it up. Come to think of it, most of the positive things my MIL knew about my family was through my husband. I didn’t go about asking HER personal things and I was uncomfortable with him sharing info about mine. She ended up thinking that I thought my family was better then hers which was the farthest thing from the truth!!!

    In hindsight, I always thought she was secretly looking for something NOT to like about me. On the flip side, she adored our children!!!!

  • Red

    Now try to guess why the negative commenters are either still single or not married anymore. Wanna make your spouse happy, make who they love happy. Nobody says you have to kiss a$$. Some people will never like you, that’s life, but your spouse will know if you even made an effort. They may not comment, or tell you about it, but believe, it affects them!

  • Tropical English

    Eff an in-law,

    I got your son p-whipped. Whatcha gonna do about it?

  • Tropical English

    @ Crunch Berry

    Nope!! He loves ME the most in this world.

  • Tropical English

    P.S.

    Never marry a man until you’ve heard him say “Well eff her then!” at least once about his mama in your honor. Then you KNOW that number one spot belong to you. He aint got to hate her, but dammit she can’t be number one no more.

  • Tropical English

    @ MochaLove

    Girl you trying to hard. Why do I get the impressions your in-laws don’t/won’t like you??

    About the cooking, my man’s mama is Jamaican and I don’t know a thing about Jamaican cooking but he will kick his mama out the way to get at my meatloaf.
    AND, I locked it down long before I started cooking for him.

    You have some valid points, but going to far. I switched it up, you better show ME your best if you ever want to get at your son again. And be damn respectful if you want to bounce my beautiful babies on your knee, LOL.

    I’m riding with Trouble & GG on this one. Eff em!!

  • TM30

    @ Tropical English

    I have to agree, maybe with not that particular phrase, though. If he can’t stand up to her and let’s her control everything, you are going to have problems. Another women trying to control another’s household is going to lead to friction. My MIL tried to dominate all my husband’s free time. This would not have been a problem if he didn’t work full time and have a young child with one on the way. It was total inconsideration. Usually I don’t care but when the things they do affect my children, either he has to rectify the situation or I will. Thankfully I haven’t..yet.

  • MochaLove

    @Tropical English – sorry, love! I have a wonderful relationship with my future husband’s mother, father and siblings, thankfully. They’re great people and they know without a doubt I love their son to the MAX! His mom knows I’m not trying to take her place, I just, genuinely, want to love her son and I think that’s why we get along just fine! I haven’t given her a reason not to like me.

    But now I understand what it means to be equally yolked … it makes a difference. Call me old-fashioned.

    I’m so glad I found him and his family … In-Laws aren’t an easy blend but I guess I lucked out.

    Ride with whomever you’d like Tropical English. Because in the end, my bed’s not empty at night and my in-laws love me without the power card or the drama!! Ha!

  • http://www.facebook.com $$ talks

    why can’t people make an effort to be polite? i don’t understand why people wouldn’t show respect and consideration for someone they are meeting for the first time.

  • Lady I

    Of course people would show respect and be courteous and all of the above, but i think what most of us are saying is there is no need to go outside of your normal self to impress someone’s parents.

    With anyone I meet for the first time or anytime after that I act my normal respectful polite friendly self, but I in no way shape or form make an extra effort to impress “b.k.a. kiss someone’s ass”. I am who I am.

  • jai

    be yourself and be honest and respectful. if they love their child and respect their feelings they will accept you.

  • jai

    bernie mac, miss you man! rest in peace.

  • Proud ArmyWifee

    @ Tropical English, that was funny seriously about if he says “eff her” at least once LOL.

    @ Jai, I guess my mother-in-law can careless about my husband then although thats a good point.

    ****SUPPORT OUR TROOPS****

  • Proud ArmyWifee

    @ TM30, WELL SAID! Only thing is, thats what my mother-in-law has been trying to do

    ****SUPPORT OUR TROOPS****

  • alc

    do some of you come back and read your comments? some of you write some very ignorant comments. part of society’s problems come from the basic lack of respect that some of you show in your comments. if you and your inlaws do not get along, your family structure is weak. it is in your best interest to have a good relationship with your inlaws. to say f’em is just pure ignorance and disrespectful.
    And to TROPICAL ENGLISH who said that her husband saying f’his mother meant she was in the #1 spot…do you realize that if he said that about the woman who brought him here, he will say it about you as well? I will bet you that he won’t EVER say it to his mother’s face, but he wont hesitate to tell you if he’s mad or provoked enough.
    The amount of ignorance & disrespect here is mind boggling. SMDH. My God, I hope I raised my two young ladies to be better than this. Some of you picked up on the lack of respect and addressed it as well…KUDOS!!!

  • http://moguldom.sandboxdev.com/wp2/2009/11/10-tips-to-impress-your-potential-in-laws-part-ii/ 10 Tips to Impress Your Potential In-Laws (Part II) | Moguldom Test Blog

    [...] okay! So y’all didn’t like the Part I! But please keep in mind, it was a topic from one of our readers who is terrified to meet her [...]

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