Sextra: Secretly STD Positive

Good day, Bossip readers! Again, many thanks for your feedback on our sex, love and relationship column. Unfortunately, we have to address an extremely disturbing e-mail from one of our readers that we must share. This is a very sensitive matter, so please treat the discussion thread with great care.

Hey Bossip,

I have two female friends that have contracted incurable STD’s. They didn’t tell me until recently that they were infected and I decided that they needed my support/understanding more than ever. I’m glad that they both have decided to move on with their lives as best as possible. But the problem I have now is that they both are involved with mutual guy associates of mine that don’t know they are infected. One just got pregnant  and the other is just in a sexual relationship with the guy. My question  is: am I wrong for not letting my guy associates know even if we aren’t close?? I know this is a crime in some states and I’ve told my friends to let them know but they refuse. What should I do??

This is, by far, the epitome of darned if you do and darned if you don’t. Knowing that the information you possess could change the lives of two people in a matter of minutes, not to mention, a baby. But put yourself in the situation, would you want someone to tell you if a man you were dating or pregnant by has an incurable STD that you’re not aware of? You’d want someone to tell you, right?

Then on the flip side, it’s not your business to tell! These are adults engaging in sexual relationships and they should be communicating well enough to know these things about their partners! Everybody knows the risks that come with unsafe sex and it can cost you your life! Get tested together before you start this kind of behavior and this would be a non-issue, period.

ALL of your friends are being reckless. But your two girlfriends are being selfish to ALL parties involved, including you. You’re the common denominator, which has got to leave you feeling morally obligated to some extent. That’s so unfair. Maybe you should tell your male colleagues that their health is at risk and encourage them to get tested as soon as possible.

Most clinics can have results back within 3 business days, and some testing centers offer same day results. Let it be known that there are several support groups and help lines where they can anonymously communicate with other STD positive people and seek advice on how to have this painful conversation for the rest of their lives. Maybe even go with them to a support group meeting. While the situation is heavy now, hopefully in the near future they’ll take responsibility and turn this into a positive situation by encouraging young adults to practice safe sex or abstain.

What do you guys think? Should she tell?

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