Our Crazy, Delicious & Hilariously Ridiculous Essence Fest Adventure

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Bossip Be Trippin: Essence Fest 2018

Before I tell you everything about my White Diamonds-splashed Essence Fest adventure in the auntie-flooded streets of NOLA, I’d like to introduce myself and our new Bossip Be Trippin series where we give you an exclusive glimpse into our wanderlusty travels to events around the world.

I’m Alejandro, Associate Editor at Bossip (and seasoned auntie whisperer) who enjoys mall Chinese food, shopping at Publix and Matlock (but only when I’m cuddling with a dimply booty auntie in her favorite muumuu).

I admit I need adult supervision at all times but that didn’t stop my trip to the beautifully rustic city of New Orleans–a city I would kiss in the mouf if I could–that smelled like butterscotches at the bottom of Michael Kors purses the entire weekend.

NOLA’s 24th annual summer spectacular somehow evolved into a classy Freaknik with every species of auntie frolicking around town–aunties who still print out MapQuest directions, aunties with missing pinky toenails, Madea-built aunties, ice-crunching aunties and sparkly kitten heel-wearing aunties, everywhere.

Flocks of Flossy Posses in festive denim vests spilled into the French Quarter without a care in the world. I blame Girl’s Trip. It was wayyy too crowded. And I’m pretty sure they only wanted to risk it all on the Bourbon Street zipline. You know the one…that doesn’t really exist.

900 million too many people mobbed the Beauty & Style expo in the Convention Center where you can mingle with celebs, collect bags of free everything and support quality Black-owned shops. It’s usually a cool experience but this year’s lines were longer than Aretha Franklin tiddays outrageous.

Waiting hours for theme park rides (or free samples at Costco)? Cool. But free body butters, promo trinkets and beauty products? That’s where I draw the line.

Now, if you rock with Bossip, you know we’re always on the scene, especially at Essence Fest where we cover exclusive industry events, junkets, brunches, lunches, dinners, everything.

This year, we day partied ourselves into a day drunk tizzy before stopping by HBO’s swanky Insecure Season 3 affair at the Ace Hotel where I ate Pimp C-levels of shrimp & grits.

The eats, cocktails and visuals were exquisite. Surprise performer Ella Mai’s baby hairs were laid by 100 white-gloved angels. Ashanti could never.

The Starz Power brunch at Cochon featured portrait/shirt-making stations, open bars, delectable dishes and the stars of Starz’ hottest shows but I mostly just stared at swamp possum t h i c k Nicole Murphy who’s definitely the baddest 50-year-old woman alive.

Btw I saw the face of God and it’s a garlic, butter, Parmesan and Romano cheese-drizzled chargrilled oyster at Superior seafood. Whew, life-changing. It’s like biting into Beyonce’s soul.

Other highlights include the Pop-Up Glow Up party celebrating Ghostface R&B killa H.E.R., NOLA Edition of The Groove–Atlanta’s dopest R&B party (where you’ll meet the love of your life) and Whispersetto Goddess Janet Jackson re-reminding everyone that she’s Queen of all Pop Queens. At age 52. LEGEND.

Aside from the zillions of newbies, Essence Fest 2018 was a good time. The grumpy auntie on my flight (she looked like a Claudine) said she’s never coming back. I hope she’s OK. Her wig wasn’t. But anyway, I had a ball and hope you enjoyed Bossip Be Trippin, Vol. 1.

(If you care: I stayed at the SpringHill Suites on Canal Street that’s walking distance from literally everything (except the airport). It was lovely, the pillows felt like I was laying on Niecy Nash’s glorious bewbs and their complimentary breakfast was clutch. I recommend it.)

And now, I’ll leave you with Juvenile performing his legendary smash “Back That Azz Up” in 400 degreez NOLA heat. Enjoy!