Take it to the Grave … or Come Forward?

- By Bossip Staff Categories: Love and Relationships, News, Sex and Relationships


So everybody has a secret or two, right? It’s just a no brainer and completely naive not to believe that everyone has done something(s) that they may not be so proud of or care not to disclose and have taken an oath of silence within themselves. But the tricky part comes into play when you settle into a relationship and your significant other wants to or thinks they know everything about you and your past. But is it necessary? If you have a skeleton in your closet that would change your partner’s perception of your character, do you come clean? Is it best to leave it in the dark to salvage your union? What  if you’re harboring a secret that you know would forever change your relationship or leave the person saying, “well, if I had known this earlier, I wouldn’t have invested my time.” Do you run the risk of the person finding out without your confession, take it to the grave or live with guilt? Are you being deceptive for concealing your past, which makes you who you are today, or does it even matter? Bossip asked a few people, who would like to remain anonymous, what they thought.

Well, I have a secret that I have to “take to the grave.” But I must admit, it does eat away at me when I have reflective or quiet moments with myself and … it hurts. It hurts to know that my wife would be completely crushed if she found out that I’m keeping  something from her that would undoubtedly change or end our marriage. Like [pause] um, wow. I’m even ashamed to admit it but I [pause] I uh, I slept with my wife’s sister before we got married. I don’t even know why I’m telling you this, but I guess I need to get it off my chest. I never told my boys, I haven’t told anybody. Yo, like I know that if my wife ever found out, it would be over. But I can’t lose her or live without her and my daughter. It is very selfish and deceitful. But I never knew that my wife, who I was dating at the time, would end up being my wife. I know her sister would never tell and we’re still cool; she’s in a relationship herself. But damn, man, yeah. I gotta take this one to the grave for real. And I think it’s for the best.

Oh no. I try to be upfront with everyone I date and can only hope that the man I end up with will do the same. Of course, he doesn’t need to know every detail of my life before I met him, but I believe big, huge secrets only fester and make people paranoid. My best friend, for example, was a stripper and she was engaged to a good career man who has chosen to overlook the fact that she used to strip for money. But what he doesn’t know is that she also did some escorting and performed sex acts for money. Yeah, okay, she doesn’t do it anymore but I’ve encouraged her to tell him because that’s something that I would want to know before I married someone, you know. You just shouldn’t enter into a marriage lying because it begets more lies. But to each his own and ignorance is bliss so maybe it’s best she keeps it from him. I don’t know. I guess it all boils down to the power of choice and judgment. Everybody has a secret but you choose those also.

My brother was jailed for domestic abuse in his first marriage. He’s been to anger management and worked through his problems with a therapist. He was dating this girl for a while and when he told her (about his record) she pretty much dumped him. That happened quite a few times. But I admire that he’s taken the open book approach and told the women he’s seeing that he has had anger management problems in the past. I truly believe he’s changed and is a completely different person than what he was years ago. But the chicks he dates wouldn’t know that because they don’t know the angry person he was; they’re getting the reformed man that has done a lot of work to change his ways and is still a work in progress. But I personally appreciate that he chooses not to lie and to share the parts of his past that aren’t really cool. But, you know, it’ll take someone who truly accepts him with his flaws to know that the feelings are real.

Tell us your thoughts, take it to the grave or come clean? Please remember to e-mail all feedback and topics to loveandrelationships@bossip.com.


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