LEAVE! IF IT’S MEANT TO BE HE’LL COME BACK and be the man he is suppose to be!

@ Hannibal

LMAOOOOO! You stoopid. Start by thinking about who said they are pregnant.

First of all you just found out you were 6 months pregnant. That sounds to be a problem within itself. I hope you were eating right and taking care of yourself before. Or else this lifstyle could be the least of your worries.

With that being said…I am with TB…be out. That life has no boundaries and if he messes with the wrong person it could be you or your children that are harmed. That is not a good look at all. Providing $$ isn’t all that a man needs to do. He needs to protect his family, not put you in harm’s way and with the fast life, most likely he is. You have to think about what is best for your children.

Should you choose not to leave, then when he is breaking you off some of those stacks, YOU need to be putting $$ away for a rainy day or for the kids college fund. Even if it is only $100 a month. Start with something. That way you have $$ to fall back on should one of those felonies stick.

And since he already has been arrested and been in court it is only a matter of time before they catch him out there.

If you cared anything about your family, you would have left your “husband” after the first child. You wouldnt have made the choice to continue having children with someone whose feedom/life is being compromised everyday. If you cared as much as you say you do, you would have already had this man marry you after 7 years.

Im not convinced this person is concerned with anything but the lifestyle thats in jeopardy if he is jailed or worse killed. This is the classic case of the “HOOD MENTALITY” that continues to plague the blk community. Neither of them have anything to show for the last 7 yrs but “guts full of human”.

the only thing i can tell you, is that you see he is not willing to stop being a street pharmacist and you said yourself that he is not willing to invest the money in your kids future or your future, so what is that telling you, cause if he get caught you still gonna end up with nothing, there is no money being saved or put to the side by your own admission, my question to you what are you doing to provide for your family when the day come, and trust me it’s gonna come. you have to have your own life just in case, as for me if i was in that situation i would of been in school getting some kind of degree, you guys have been together for 7 years and you could of had some type of degree under your belt for when the day comes, so just dont put this all off on him you know what he is doing and again by your own admission, so you should of been thinking about the future you see he is not, so if you end up in poverty you did it to yourself. there is no way i would be with a man and dont benefit from it especially if he is pulling the money in, its not about him it’s about you and your children and you should of had your head straight in this situation your man is thinking about him right now he is caught up in the life style, and you should of been caught up in educating yourself with that money so when the time comes and he is gone you and your children will have a good life…..wake up girl dont be stupid

First, prayer is needed. Secondly, you can’t change someone else, you can only change yourself. If in fact your change causes a change in them or not, you must be committed to what is best for your life and the lives of your children. Consider what example you are setting for them. If a change is truly what you seek, then it begins with you.

No offense, but why are you having multiple kids with a man that you are not married to? One…okay, accidents happen.

You’re letting this man get everything out of you that he could get out of marriage. He doesn’t believe he has to change anything, I’m sure, at this point. I mean, ya’ll are shacking up and everything?

The point is, that if you witheld some things and saved them for marriage, he’d probably think twice about it before deciding he’s comfortable with his life right now. I wish you the best girl, but if you’re having a hard time NOW….?

@EVERYONE THATS POSTED

I AM CO-SIGNING SO HARD TO EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU THAT HAVE POSTED SO FAR! GLAD TO KNOW THERE ARE SOME PPL OUT HERE WITH SOME DAMN SENSE!!

I dig the fact she fears for his safety…however definitely consider the childrens FIRST because right now you are thinking FOR them…literally…your actions depict to them what a life should be if they see you most of the time…perhaps you should approach him with sincerity and options well thought out as well.

This isn’t the hardest of situations but it is complicated. I don’t feel leaving when the love is strong is necessary especially if the sacrifice is “family” in return for “safety”…

I like to collect a nice perspective from outside reliable sources but then I tap into prayer and get a response that’s pleasing and satisfying.

Right on Tony R. she should prepare for the worst…

IF YOU ARE SMART ENOUGH TO KNOW HE “WON’T WIN” IN THIS GAME…YOU NEED TO BE SMART ENOUGH TO GO YOUR OWN WAY…WHAT HAPPENS IF YOUR BABIES HEAD IS BLOWN OFF OF HIS/HER SHOULDERS??? THEN YOU GOING TO BE ACTING A FOOL, BLAMING THE NEIGHBORHOOD, ETC. WHEN REALLY IT IS YOUR “HUSBAND” THAT PUT YOU IN THAT SITUATION.

Read the book ‘The Coldest Winter Ever’, your azz just might end up like Winter’s mother with your daughters ending up like Winter. The lifestyle ALWAYS catches up to you and it’s never pretty…

Erykah Badu – Otherside of the game

Leave!

Planning and Orgainizing is what keeps a family strong no matter of the career…

A. Plans, Goals, Ambitions (Have Y’all Discussed?)
B. Accomplish Things Together
C. Sincerity…If I have been with a gentleman for 7 years then he believes what got is what keeps me…he won’t take me serious to ask for change and stay…?!?! Discuss options and healthy and comfortable alternatives..

Why is she complaining now after 7 years?

You know the time to have marinated over these issues was several years ago, not now. The die has been cast.

She’s going to have to play with the hand that she dealt herself. Not many options left.

First of all let’s get it straight he is not a great father. He is a drug dealer with kids. If he gets kills tonight your kids will not even get a social security check because he has not held a job. Not only that, but everyday that he goes out to sell drugs he put not only his life in jeopardy. why are you continually laying up bringing babies into this sick and sad situation. No good can come out of this life style because end the end it’s going to catch up with him and he will either go to jail or get killed on the streets take your pick. I pray to God you’ve been smare enough put a way some money and have gotten and education because your going to need it. You need to get an exit strategy for you and your kids and get the hell out while you can.

First of all let’s get it straight he is not a great father. He is a drug dealer with kids. If he gets kills tonight your kids will not even get a social security check because he has not held a job. Not only that, but everyday that he goes out to sell drugs he put not only his life in jeopardy but also yours and those babies. why are you continually laying up bringing babies into this sick and sad situation. No good can come out of this life style because in the end it’s going to catch up with him and he will either go to jail or get killed on the streets take your pick. I pray to God you’ve been smart enough put a way some money and have gotten and education because your going to need it. You need to get an exit strategy for you and your kids and get the hell out while you can.

You are the only lady that I know of involved in that lifestyle who isn’t secretly stashing money. Maybe you are but I am unclear about that from your letter. Save some money (or stash)- then leave and go get educated/trained. Depending on men leads to poverty. A woman should always have a plan or a hustle to take care of her and her children.

Listen she loves him…

He is the father of her children

So leaving isn’t the best option and there’s more than one in this scenario…she’s not new to this but true to this.

If he’s all of these things, then I’m SURE he can find a job that is legal that will appreciate all his fine qualities. I wouldn’t stay; deals go bad, family members are hurt *and worse*; and you guys are nothing but pawns-sitting ducks in this situation. IF you love your children, you’ll leave him alone-because the road he’s headed down only leads to two things: DEATH or PRISON. You seriously need to get your priorities in order. Your children and their well-being comes first. Last I checked, AINT NO 401(K) from the block, ain’t no PENSION from the corner, and damn sho ain’t no medical benefits from the game. Do what YOU gotta do for your kids. Cuz he is NOT gonna stop. He’s enjoying the lifestyle that his “occupation” affords him. Don’t let you and your children be the ultimate price for his lavishness.

how are u findin out that ur 6 months pregnant?? so for tha las 5 mnths u didnt notice any changes in ur body? or mayb it was meant to b written “im 6 months pregnant wit our 1st son” anywho, i think that bein a mother you are goin to hav to make those sacrifices to better your family. i didnt get if it was stated that she was working or not, but mayb you shud start to get plans togethr for u and ur family, b/c we kno all gd things com to an end. and i agree wit wat Whaaa said,that u cant change another person, only urslf and ur change will bring tha change in that person, *sometimes*, but prayers to you and ur family..

In order to be taken serious you have to show effort…

can’t ask someone to change and not compromise a show of change on your end.

If she leaves him, she will be stuck with taking care of three children by herself.

If she stays with him, she will be stuck with taking care of three children by herself.

If he goes to jail or gets killed, she will be stuck with taking care of three children by herself.

Whatever happens, she’s going to be taking care of three children by herself.

Not to sound harsh but WTF were you thinking? A better question Where you thinking? You knew the mission was dangerous when you took it!

You had to know what type of lifestyle came with his “occupation”. Self-preservation is the golden rule. You must love yourself first and foremost. If you do not love yourself you will always allow folk to use you as a doormat. A peace of mind beats the brakes off of anything!

IF, he making all this money to invest in real estate, set up college funds, etc then you need to stack of some cash for you and your children. He must not give you any money, or you a stay home and he dishes cash out to you. Whatever the case maybe the song says, “God bless the child that got his own”. This one is no brainer for me. Plan your work, work your plan. 1. Pray, 2. Fall in love with you. 3. Look at your children and realize they deserve better. 4. Get enough money for you and your children to start a new and better life 5. Work on making you a new and improved woman. 6. Tell him your plan, pick your leave date and stick to it. 7. Don’t let fear paralyze you. You can not and will not soar like an eagle when you hang with turkeys — cause turkey can’t fly!!

awakened

Listen she loves him…

He is the father of her children

So leaving isn’t the best option and there’s more than one in this scenario…she’s not new to this but true to this.
_________________________________

I guess if she loves him and he’s the father of her children, she’d better learn the drug running business so she can take up where he left off when he bites the big one or has to do some serious time.

I don’t understand why she’s thinking about this now.

I’m sorry but this brotha sounds as damaged as they come. It’s unfortunate that she appears to have deliberately chosen to have children with this man without the legal protections of marriage. This woman should take her kids, and GO!

First thanks for sharing your story I’m 39 years my ex husband used to be a street pharmacist but I still had my own job and I have not dated a street pharmacist since…I was lucky and smart enough to leave him before they bust in what used to be our home…I could’ve been found guilty of all that he was charged with-Have you considered that…everything is not kosher for you either if he get’s caught and then you are foolish by putting this email out there becuz when they do come in and seize property they will find this nice little tidbit you wrote which shows you knew what he was into and they will hold you reponsible as well…I’m not going to tell you to leave becuz you have to decide what I will tell you is that you may want to make certain you have a back up plan for your kids if he does get caught cuz they will definitely try to prosecute you also…what’s wrong with you putting money aside or investing into real estate are you helpless or pregnant???

This is not God’s plan for you sweets..either he live righteous or u get out of the dangerous game asap!!

Ok, stupid why don’t you go out and get a job or open a business. If you don’t have a degree or skill, which I’m pretty sure you don’t, go back to school and get an education or skill. In the end, you will GET exactly what you deserve. DUMMY!

^^not going to be easy to go, I realize that. This woman is in a lose-lose situation.

Not trying to be all in your business but since its out here why havent you tried to put money aside and do these things for the children if you know he wont. Or save some and buy your own real estate. You have an obligation to yourself and your children to better yourself. Reading between the lines with his occupation it may come to a time where you cannot take it. Good luck

Your children come first. Nothing else not you or your selfish man.

He does not care for the well being of your family. He is to caught up in the fast life.

You need to leave him and protect your children.

Wow.
I Love My Boyfriend. He Was Doing Stuff Like That.
Always In The Streets.
I Was Always Worrying About Him Constantly, But I Let Him Know That You Have Got To STop. We Don’t Have Kids Or Anything, We Been Together For 2/12 Years. I Let Him KNow If He Didn’t Stop Then I Would’ve Had To Let Him Go.
Her Man Does Not Have His Priorities Straight. I Understand What She Saying Though, Cause Everybody Gotta Eat, But At Least Put Some Money Away, Knowing His Situation.
You Need To Let Him Know It’s Your Family Or These Streets.
I Don’t Know About You, But I Love My Man && If Something Were To Happen To Him I Would Be Devastated.
Let Him Know Wassuhp.

Wow! Sad to say but I would have to leave. Now days people have no regard for women and kids. If they want to send a messgae they will kill you and the kids. Don’t be selfish you need to think about them kids if not yourself.

I know it wasn’t supposed to be funny, but Old Timer’s comment made me laugh…the irony.

When saddness is overwhelming then very hard choices follow, never be afraid to speak your mind because that is all you have is your word.. At first it was all about you and his life but now you have more lives to consider… He his choices hurt that much and you have expressed that with no solutions then you have to do something that you have never done before and maybe that is leaving, you know your household and the option that you have…

GIRL GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER. YOU DON’T NEED THIS MAN HE IS A LOOSER WHY ARE YOU WITH THIS GUY. GET OUT NOW. HE IS NOT MARRIAGE MATERIAL.

Her first mistake is saying her husband…thats the problem….HE IS NOT!!!!!!!!! Stop trying to make him act as he is one. Know your role and play it…if not get a NEW role.

alrighty then — you are fine !!

Oh, I thought he was her HUSBAND! lol! Since he’s not, in that case – LEAVE, STUPID! lol…. But you won’t leave, because you like the life and the lil bit of security that it brings you… You are putting your kids in danger, not to mention yourself! Being a ride-or-die chick is SO not cute…

@Kigali
She love her children so no she doesn’t need tubal ligation at least she see’s she needs to do better…but um why didn’t someone stop you from being born cuz you are a very hateful ugly individual..You need prayer in your life and lots of love which you must not have cuz anyone who is loved does not have as much as hate in them as you do…

@jj – cosign 100%

@Magenta
Alrighty pic is Method Man : )

Reading between the lines and cracking the code like Steve Harvey:

This chick likes her lifestyle and wants to stay in it but wants SOMEONE to validate her actions by finding a ‘positive’ in it. She already knows the stuff that everyone on this board is saying, so it doesn’t need to be said again. When people are this dumb they are looking for VALIDATION for their stupidity. This idiotic chick has brought three kids into this situation because she’s likely lazy and enjoys being his ‘kept’ woman. Writing this letter was a waste of time because she already knows what she needs to do but doesn’t WANT to do it!…easy…

@Caramel Cat
Great observation cuz she never mentioned her job and if she had one was around folks outside the hustler’s circle she would notice how whack that lifestyle is…

SORRY FOR THE ESSAY =)

you must government funds for health insurance for your kids then too? hardworking peoples’ tax money is paying for you to keep popping kids out. you probably get welfare. you are a piece of trash and all three of your kids will grow up to know the truth. like when you bring your mom or dad to school for career day? hmm what will you lie about then? when your daughters seek the same type of trashy man? hmm as long as the money is on right? your lil son will grow up to be the same? hmm what will you say then? you owe everything to your kids because you chose to bring them in this world and you owe nothing to your so called man and your vagina who is stuck on him. get a brain, get a job, grow up. FUNNY you say your life and your kids arent in danger? So he is the best at his illegal work and you think nobodyyyy will ever be mad at him or find out where you all stay? You are stupid! Why do people need license to drive but can just pop out kid after kid?

I hate when women do this shyt!! You met the ni**a while he was slangin and bangin and now you expect him to stop?!?!?!? Why, b/c you’re wifey now and want a family? Because you have those kids? That’s not going to make a d-boy stop! If anything you popping out baby after baby is going to kick his hustle game up a notch because now he has more mouth’s to feed. I’m not saying you may not work and contribute to the household but I know big daddy is the bread winner. And what type of men do you think your daughters are going to go after? Not to say that their dad isn’t a good guy b/c I’m sure he is. I’ve heard this story one to many times and most of these dude would give their right arm for their kids and want to provide for them BUT…..how’s it going to feel when your little girls run in mommies footsteps and hook up with the dopeman? Better yet, what example do you think your unborn son is going to learn??? I wont tell you to leave or stay but I will tell you that from the way it sounds, your man will be a d-boy until he can’t anymore. He has no intentions of stopping his hustle. If you can live with it, go for it. If not move around. As women that thing we really want the most is SECURITY. Money falls under that blanket but security comes from all kinds of things. Right now you have the cash but no security. I’m sure you’re worried about your families safety (yours, your man’s, your kid) as well as other things. Really think this over, REALLY. And if I sound like I was coming off harsh in the beginning I apologize. Just take this from a sista who knows what she’s talking about. The choice is yours.

Thanks for that Illuminated One…

@Choco

It’s easy. I mean, I’m sorry, some stuff is just common sense. Her writing this letter is like a woman writing a similar letter that is with a man that is abusing her. YOU KNOW THAT THE SITUATION IS VOLATILE, THERE IS NOTHING GOOD THAT CAN COME FROM STAYING IN IT. She likely is able to get expensive clothes, weaves, jewelry, drives luxury cars and can buy her babies expensive baby gear (smh at folks like this) and she likely doesn’t have to work so she’s ‘living in the lap of luxury’ in her small, feeble mind. But, she sees the obvious likely outcome and wants some dumbazz to come along and tell her it will all be ok…birds like this make my arse tired….

@ I’m Just Me: Keeping It Real Since 1983

Baby you better preach!!!! The most important thing said in your post is if you decide not to leave….when he breaks you off….intead of tricking all that money off at the mall or club. YOU be a woman and put money up for you and yours! I wouldn’t even tell his a** about it. The best person to look out for you is YOU! Again, been there, done that, seen it to many times!

Also, put options in his head that will supplement his current income while at the same time you pursue options to better yourself. Buying into some existing franchises can be a very lucrative and fulfilling decision. That way you guys can still enjoy a financially comfortable lifestyle without the worries.

@Illuminated One

That was very well written, I have respect for a man of your caliber! Go head =)

Stay where you are because you’re obviously trapped. Be proud you set yourself up for the okeedoke. Oh, and he isn’t going to let you leave. You need to retract your letter and lay in the bed you made.

@Caramel
meant to say not a long term career…

Anytime Choco!-)

@mzprettylady,

WE judge others when we know that what they are doing is evil. Thats how grown ups are.

Alrighty Then…

Damn, everyone is responsible for their own situations. You married a dopeboy, and now you want him to give the game up? Nah mommy, it don’t work like that.
________________________________

LOL!! Damn straight, it don’t work like that.

You’re not talking about the run of the mill business here.

When one of your drug customers don’t pay, you can’t send his mf account to a collection agency and have them call him several times a day asking him in one of those Indian accents if he can make a payment today.

You gonna have to shoot somebody to let them know you mean business.

Ultimately, it’s jail or death.

It’s hard to believe that everyone chiming in on this da** post is on one accord! I LOVE BLACK UNITY!!!…Almost made a sista cry.

@Choco, if she truly loved her kids she would have wanted a better life and father for them. You set your kids up for failure when you pick a mate who is a subpar human being. What she has shown her kids is that they didn’t deserve to have a stable home environment or stable parents. She has shown them that she chose a drug dealer to be their father and that her kids don’t deserve a married two parent home. But of course you are going to give her a pass because she’s black right?

@Jazmine

I agreed with most of what you said, only thing I beg to differ with is that some times when you meet someone and began a relationship with them you expect them to change and grow as a person, in my case what I wanted or thought I needed in a man at 19 drastically changed from what I need and expect from a man at 24. I guess I expected him to grown out of that phase in his life, he didnt and I ended up out growing him.

@ mzprettylady

Thanks for the compliment.

@Sanjor
Honestly race has nothing to do with this I’m giving her a pass cuz she is a female seeking advice on how to do better…becuz she made wrong choices does not mean she doesn’t love her kids in my opinion it means she doesn’t love herself…huge difference…

OK, let’s do the math: 7 years of gettin the money (ooh, it’s good), 2 beautiful daughters, and one son on the way. Now, all of a SUDDEN (epiphany)you are – in one day – wanting advice for an answer YOU ALREADY KNOW. Get rid of the ghetto mentality chick! You have put your children in harm’s way for SEVEN DAMN YEARS. WTF? Now, your mind cannot comprehend being without him, his money, and his d#$%… and your mind is saying, “Oh, I’m carrying his son.” What a f#$%^&* legacy to leave. GTFOT! Common sense should have prevailed a long time ago.

The answer to this was known before it was written; those in the game are on borrowed time more so than the rest of us; either you gonna be in jail for the rest of your life or pushin up daisies; if she hasn’t put her children and herself FIRST and left then she must like the situation that she’s in. As Mary said ‘I CAN DO BAD ALL BY MYSELF’… If your ‘baby daddy’ ain’t changed in 7 years then its a pretty good chance he ISN’T (unless he WANTS to)

Stupid, why don’t you go out and get a job or open a business. If you don’t have a degree or skill, which I’m pretty sure you don’t, go back to school and get an education or skill. In the end, you will GET exactly what you deserve. DUMMY!

@mzprettylady

And your response was refreshing as well. Disregard those who don’t have the attention span to read your entire response and pick a line or two to bash. Obviously they need to focus, and read what you wrote in its entirety.

SMH, you have to ask? If not for yourself, for the childresn’s sake, get out of there. I don’t care if he’s using fur coast for carpet. if anything goes down and the police don’t get him, others might and they might try to get him by getting you and the kids.

You knowing what he does for a living, could be counted as an accessory to his activities just by keeping this info to yourself and not going to the law with it. Now that it’s been publically documented, if he’s ever caught and the legal systems put 2 and 2 together, your kids might grow up without a mommy or daddy… SMH again…

“It’s not that I feel unsafe or fear for the safety of my family, but I fear for his and really just need this to end!”
————————————————

WHEN will some women stop putting men above themselves and their children???

That man isn’t worried about his own safety, so why should she?? She needs to prioritize her children and get out of this black hole of a relationship before personal safety becomes an issue that she can no longer ignore.

@Kigali

Just because she dates a street dude doesn’t make her evil, it means she didn’t use her best judgment when choosing a guy and ended up being caught in the material things and glam lifestyle he provided.

Sometimes bad things happen even when you try to make the best possible decision for your life. A women might have thought she found the perfect man, he worked had his things together and ended up being a child molester? Life is crazy and I just feel its not cool to judge and bash others when you know your ish probably not perfect either. Its about uplifting and enlightening each other, now what you choose to do with the information is up to you.

@choco

Well said.

@Choco, yea its very apparent she doesn’t love herself, but what person would willingly choose to bring a child into the world with someone who isn’t father/mother material? Why would you do that to a child? Yes people make mistakes, we are imperfect, however, I just couldn’t fathom doing my children like that. She knew when she got with this man what he was. Why didn’t she use birth control? One mistake, ok, but you keep doing the same crap over and over and add kids to the mix too?

@Illuminated
And people wonder why so much evil is allowed to prosper in our world…the very ones that call evil are evil themselves…

@Sanjor
I don’t agree with what she’s done I’m simply stating that I would rather give helpful advice as opposed to being even more negative she is obviously starting to think about the very things you are questioning yourself but if you keep pushing a person down eventually they will stop trying to get up-feel me?

@MzPretty
Damn girl thank you cuz some folks can’t see the hate they are spewing which makes them no better…

@Illuminated One

Thanks =) some of us are a little more honest and understanding with the fact that you dont always make the best decisions and sometimes it takes you longer to realize your mistakes but once you start fixing the problems and striving for more then your on a path of betterment.

@BigD
She could end up without her kids…truthfully speaking they could also charge her…she just needs to start building her own life in my opinion perhaps it’s time for her to lead by example…

When are we going to stop hand holding and coddling people and telling them, “oh baby its ok, you just made a tiny mistake”? She is stupid, and yes I judge. All of us do. We judge who we and our kids associate with, and the character of people. However the Ultimate Judging of Life and Death is left in the hands of the almighty. I am full of empathy for people, but not for this female, I only have empathy for her children.

A lot of people like to compartmentalize their lives and relationships. It’s like if you have a man who cheats on you or beats you, but he’s a good provider. You know that you can’t have one without the other. You either get the money and the undesirable behavior or you get nothing.

What’s she’s not going to get is for him to change.

I’m sure people have told this female time and time again to get out of this situation, now after 7 years and 3 kids she wants a better life. Those poor kids.

@mzprettylady

Damn Mami! We have some strong black women in here, and I agree with you 100%. We as a people (all non-whites, not just blacks) have gotten away from the “it takes a village to raise a child” concept. I’m not in any way calling this young lady a child, but you get the concept. That’s the primary reason why we it’s so hard to get out of the rut we are in. When someone is so desperate that they reach out for help, we’d much rather attack that person and tell them how supid they are then actually attempt to do something positive. Besides, it’s much easier to judge from the outside looking in.

When she decided to go down this road, she knew EXACTLY where this would end up.

There was no surprise.

Why is she just now starting to complain or worry about it? It’s been there all along.

@ Choco
Co Sign and thanks girly =)

@Old Timer
I agree I had to set my foot down and when he didn’t like what I was feeding him I left-she could be really young and maybe that’s all she knows but at least she is starting to see that it is not right…and he’s prolly older so it’s easy to listen to him but she sound like she is wising up…

@choco

I understand, and concur. The people who implemented this train of thought and instilled it in people they wanted to oppress knew that once it was in place, we would continue to feed it for ages to come. Based on the majority of the responses in this forum they were right.

You cant leave your and the kids livelihood up to him. You have to stand up for yourself. If he aint stacking you should be, specifically for a great escape. Give him an ultimatum and a date. If he cant step up, step off sweetie. The “man” will take the boo to jail too these days and the kids to CPS. You sound like you know what you want to do you just need a push. Just do it, before the situation does you.

@old timer

I disagree. Sometimes people change if what they are changing for is that important to them. It depends on the person. I went from a student who maintained a 4.0 my entire school career to a college dropout and hustler to a family man who has 2 daughters, a son on the way and a very well paying job. Who’s to say this man won’t. We shouldn’t doom him before he is given the chance to even attempts to change.

@choco

Likewise.

TRS brought up the quote “Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me” in the other post, and I think it applies here.

It’s clear that this damaged brotha has been in the game for a minute. I think that many people here are going hard on the woman because she’s known this, despite realizing its dangers, and yet still chose to have not just one, but SEVERAL children with him.

It’s fair to assume that the discussion about marriage for legal protection of the children may not have come up. So it’s hard for some of us to just give her a pass because after 7 years she’s come to her senses.

That said, people do make mistakes. I just hope that this serves as a BIG lesson learned, and that as hard as it is, she’ll leave and start anew.

@MzPretty

I’m sorry…. when kids are brought into the situation, the sympathy levels go down to almost non-existent for me. I have a cousin who has three kids by three different men and she began dating a man that was a known s3x offender!

I’m sorry…. when kids are brought into the situation, the sympathy levels go down to almost non-existent for me.

IT’S OFFICIAL BLACK WOMEN LOVE THUGS.

Hi Glok!!!

Whoa you must be one of the slow ones. Usually women in this type of situation use this cash flow to their advantage like go to college and make more money incase he gets locked that way he has the option of reforming himself. Of course you will always have a harsh adjustment not having that fast money and fly clothes. News flash this isn’t 1988 and NO ONE is getting paid in full anymore. What do you have to show for? I mean do you have a job or a career and what type of dude was he to wife such and inadequate woman that wouldn’t even set goals for yourself and children. Let me guess you think you’re cute with long hair and dress pretty fly? LMAO, girl do better for those children since it’s clear you’re jaded when it comes to responsibility in my opinion I say go if you can maintain a life of necessity and work on his reform from a distance.

@ SIMPLY ME,
“IT’S OFFICIAL BLACK WOMEN LOVE THUGS”
____________________________________________________
Not this black woman! I outgrew that in the 90s!

@ Illuminated One

Great minds think alike, ever time I read your response I find myself shaking my head in agreement, your right on with the “it takes a village to raise a child” concept, sometimes it take for strangers to enlighten you or put some different food for thought in your mind, and how do we ever get better as race if were always knocking each other down and not willing to give advice or encouraging words when needed. I truly believe what you put out is what you get in return, so I put out positivity so when its my time of need I get that back. Just like you said it much easier to judge when its not you but at the end of the day its God’s job to do the judging.Its our jobs to live life to the fullest and share knowledge with each other and so forth.

AUNTIE VIV
HEY GORGEOUS!

Okay…..I too like many posters wonder if your more concern with losing the lifestyle u’ve become accustomed than leaving. Cuz its as clear as day that you need to leave.

You say he’s a good father…but i’d question that. Being a father is more than spending time with your kids, and buying them things. Its also the example you set for them. And most of all, he’s put you and your kids in danger. If god forbid he messes with the wrong person, if they can’t get to him, they’ll get to his family. These aren’t the qualities i consider a good father.

7 years and almost three kids…and your just now getting to this delima. The deeper u get in, the harder it is to get out. Hence, you getting so accustom to your lifestyle, your afraid of losing.

Its not a hard question. Of course you should leave. If you need the opinions of others on that, and can’t see why its so clear that you should leave…then u gotta a prob

@Illuminated One

Your first comment was well written and if you werent married………………

LOL!

Your life didn’t sound good to me after the 1st paragraph- 3 kids and unmarried. You can’t buy a house w/ his “occupation.” Any transactions over 10K in cash and the gov’t wants to know where the money came from. Your life will change for the worse-unfortunately. If he’s already been caught twice, he’s not that good at it. He will be imprisoned or dead and then what? Whatever you own will be confiscated because of how it was purchased. Used some of that money to get yourself an education, get your tubes tied, and to provide a good life for your kids. You can’t rely on your criminal boyfriend. Best of luck to you and your kids.

Everyone on here know you went thru what she is going thru or know someone who did. So clearly she has a problem and she is trying to get help. Stop putting her down and give her some sound advise. RUN, girl. RUN!

@Nique
Girl why did you take the words out of my mouth I was like hmmmm nah I’ll just keep that to myself LOL a smart well spoken man is a turn on for real…LOL I’m so glad you said what we were all probably thinking…now let me go back to my corner

@mzpretty & @Illuminated One

With all due respect, what’s the next choice of dialogue AFTER you pat these people on the head, tell them how much you understand, sympathize with their situation, and make them feel like they aren’t the complete idiots that they are? As I said before, I understand people making mistakes, but people who don’t LEARN from their mistakes and keep repeating them and in the process hurting their children…THESE FOLKS GET NO SYMPATHY FROM ME. It’s like ramming your head into a brick wall and trying to figure out why you are bleeding and in pain, and in the process have people gathering together to help you possibly find a solution to keeping your head from bleeding while you are still banging it! Do you see how wreckless it is to be slightly enabling???

@ aunt viv

how r u, today? i agree with u but i have no sympathy left for women like that bc i see and have to deal w/ their selfish choices in every day walks of life :-{

I was there some eight years ago….I left my D-boy for a life where I can be free and safe from it all. In that life style you are never free or safe. I am now married to a wonderful man….However that D-boy has decided to turn his life around, eight years too late…. He wants another chance, sad thing is…I asked you to change and I wasn’t good enough for you to do that at the time and now that I am happy and my daughter is happy, safe and secure. You want back in. Can’t allow that to happen.

@Aunt Viv

@ SIMPLY ME,
“IT’S OFFICIAL BLACK WOMEN LOVE THUGS”
____________________________________________________
Not this black woman! I outgrew that in the 90s!
—————————————————–
I’mma 2nd that!

@nique

Thanks!-)

@choco

Kigali is a woman…lmao!

I walked out of a 4 year relationship when I was 4 months pregnant with our second child, it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done but I am soooo much happier with my life now.

@Choco

Girl!Theres nothing like a street smart/book smart man- Thats a big turn on, so you know I had to throw my hat in the ring, but since ol boy married- you know…LMAO!

@Illuminated One

No problem!

@caramelcat

Point taken, however, the only EMPATHY she got from me was me being in her husband’s shoes once upon a time. SYMPATHY is when you feel sorry for someone, which never came out of my mouth, nor was it in my thoughts. The message I was trying to get across is that it solves absolutely nothing by calling her names and downing her. In my opinion that’s worse than the cause of her problems, and it’s sure not providing any kind of solution for her. If anything, it’s forcing her to withdraw back into herself and avoid any attempts to escapes to overcome this situation. You should really read “A Framework For Understanding Poverty”. It’s enlightening for the simple fact that it gives people from all walks of life a view of what it would really be like to be in that situation with very limited options. I don’t know her complete situation, only what was expressed in the “letter”, which may very well be fake. Maybe it’s just a study to see how detrimental we can really be to each other.

@WORDTOTHEWISE
ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT THERE ARE NOT GOOD BLACK MEN OUT THERE WHO ARE LAWYERS, DOCTOR(MY DOCTOR IS A BLACK MAN) ACCOUNTANT AND BUSINESS OWNERS? CHIC PLSSS SHUT THE HELL UP AND ACCEPT THE FACT THAT,”BLACK WOMEN LOVE THUGS”

@Illuminated One

I’ll check that book out and I respect your response. Stay up…

@JESSICA

I walked out of a 4 year relationship when I was 4 months pregnant with our second child, it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done but I am soooo much happier with my life now.

LET ME GUESS, HE WAS A THUG TOO RIGHT? TYPICAL ANOTHER STATISTICS OF SINGLE BABYMAMA.

@Caramel
Wait are you joking LMAO are you serious tho if that is the case WTF is wrong with her…DAYUM she’s can’t be a female talking like that about other females…Like Whoa!

@Nique
Girl fantasizing is always fun LOL LMAO

I see everyone commenting leave leave but please remember this woman will have 3 children to care for. I assume that she ha no business about her self and needs to get some quick. Fiest focus on having a healthy baby and save as much money as you can during your next 3 months of pregnancy enlist the help of family and close friends…after you child is born go to school for somthing in a high demand feild in your area (whether you like it oor not you have 4 mouths to feed (including you) and its gonna be hard. Use your savings and housing loans (student loans for living off campus) and GET OUT NOW.

@Illuminated
Yes, yes and yes…I’m tryn so hard to be good I can be a huge flirt innocently speaking tho…is that possible?
But true I empathize with her I don’t feel sorry for her I know how it is and she’s had a good run!

If she leaves him, she will be stuck with taking care of three children by herself.

If she stays with him, she will be stuck with taking care of three children by herself.

If he goes to jail or gets killed, she will be stuck with taking care of three children by herself.

Whatever happens, she’s going to be taking care of three children by herself.

*********************************************************

TRRRUUUUUTTTTTHHHHHHH!!

@caramelcat

You do the same.

Okay why is my comment waiting in moderation that bites!

MS B
SO WHAT 3 KIDS AND??? ..THIS SYSTEM OF JUSTICE IS GEARED TO YOUR CONVIENCE …SO SHE WILL BE FINE! ….STOP IT YOU THIS SHIT!!

@IlluminatedOne
I know I’m wrong now cuz I was sorta flirting with you in the comment that is in moderation and I didn’t even use profanity GOD is tryn to tell me something and I hear him loud and clear…SMH

@choco

Yes, she claims to be a married black woman. Honestly sometimes her comments are actually funny and true but her method is a little rash… I understand the points she is making but she fails to realize that ALL black women aren’t the ghetto chickenheads that like thugs and drama. She makes her points by generalizing and for people who aren’t used to her comments it will make them get very defensive. Most of the regular bloggers don’t even get offended by her comments…unless they apply to them…

Ressurrected
Don’t waste your time with Kigali that’s like talking to no one-there are no light on inside it’s we wittle brain…

WHAT UP GLOK??

@Choco,

Do you know what I and birth control have in common? We are both constantly ignored by black females.

ZING!

IlluminatedOne…
Yes, yes and yes…I’m tryn so hard to be good I can be a huge flirt innocently speaking tho…is that possible?
But true I empathize with her I don’t feel sorry for her I know how it is and she’s had a good run!
I know I’m wrong now cuz I was sorta flirting with you in the comment that is in moderation and I didn’t even use profanity GOD is tryn to tell me something and I hear him loud and clear…SMH

@Kigali
I’m certain you get ignored by all females ZING!

IJM
HEY BEAUTIFUL!

Choco

Ressurrected
Don’t waste your time with Kigali that’s like talking to no one-there are no light on inside it’s we wittle brain…
________________________________________________
So I see that you have found a new home but on the real being on these blogs requires knowing yourself because these people on here really love destruction…

Now I see why the internet is too much for many little people…

@Kigali
If you are a female I have truly been bamboozled today LOL Lord I’m really serious you are an ugly soul I can’t give you a pass a woman…

Kigali (Female condoms are cheap)

@Choco,

Do you know what I and birth control have in common? We are both constantly ignored by black females.

ZING!
________________________________________________

I really do not believe that this person is black or female to tell you the truth…

@Ress
That’s what I just said there is no way she could be someone who have ovaries LOL If I saw it I still wouldn’t beleive it…

@Ress
Yeah I found a new home but this one is not the only one I be on Baller also…

@Caramel Cat

I never said I felt sorry for her I said being a person that was once in her situations minus the children I could re late and then proceeded to share my thought process on how I chose the best course of action for myself thru far sharing my knowledge and given my honest opinion of the situation. Also like I said in my earlier post I can give you all the advice in the world it’s up to that person to implement the information and advice given. Regardless if she uses it or not I did my part in given that information all the while not being negative and judgmental of her situation. What good does that do? If a person is asking for advice then it’s obvious she’s beginning to see things more clearly and is also starting to assess the situation for what it really is. So my point was why come here bashing her as oppose to just given your honest advice on what you would do if put in that situation?

Choco

@Ress
Yeah I found a new home but this one is not the only one I be on Baller also…
_______________________________________________
Never heard of that one give me the sight… Sometimes I come on your site and drop a comment every now and then…

Choco

Yeah I have others as well but in time they all get boring so then you look to relocate…

Illuminated One

@old timer

I disagree. Sometimes people change if what they are changing for is that important to them. It depends on the person. I went from a student who maintained a 4.0 my entire school career to a college dropout and hustler to a family man who has 2 daughters, a son on the way and a very well paying job. Who’s to say this man won’t. We shouldn’t doom him before he is given the chance to even attempts to change.
__________________________________

Yes, people can change……..when they get ready to change. I think that women are more quilty than men of wanting a person to change for them.

When you made the decision to change, you did. No one else could make you do that.

@Choco,

I have ovaries. I just dont let them get knocked around by men who are in and out of prison. Try it sometime.

yawnnnn what’s new ? another black woman dating a thug, thank GOD for my spanish fly.

who cares? who told her to date a thug? black women i tell ya.

@Kigali
Seriously no offense but you are not on my level I’d rather you keep and moving and I will do the same…PEACE

@Ress
Not completely off NB but when the topics seem repetitive I bounce like I think this week is dedicated to Rihana LOL

@Ress
Girl no but I will check back but I checked last week and I didn’t see any comments Melolo used to comment so I would get back at her…

This is a complicated situated situated because I am wondering are you the mother “wifey” prepared to be self- sufficient. Work, education, some sort of training to allow you to support your children. Regardless if he stops his occupation… What if… God forbids he is murdered or locked away for a long period of time are you prepared as a mother to support your children. That is what is most important…You beinf independant!! My other concern is how good is your “husband” really doing? My first concern is he is never there at night with you.. Does he have another family possibly and can’t afford to put money away for your family. Most big time street hustlas are not out in the streets late at night hustlin’ because they have the smalltime runners out doing it for them. The big timers are seldomly seen. Too many open questions, I suggest prepare yourself to take care of your children!

Choco

@Ress
Girl no but I will check back but I checked last week and I didn’t see any comments Melolo used to comment so I would get back at her…
______________________________________________
I haven’t see Mel on there in a while but I just revisited again yesterday but I am trying to eventually give my complete attention to something else because this does not feed me in the way that I need to be feed… 2010 will a whole different setting for me..

@MZPRETTYLADY

I totally agree with you. That’s so true. What you want in a man at one point is totally different then what you may want 5 to 10 years later. I can testify to that myself. I think I understand this letter like I said because I’ve been there done that too. I was 18 to 19 at the time. It was nice having the money and being able to do what you wanted to do…I was young and thought it to be fly but now, at 25, I know better. All of that leads to a bunch of nothing. I totally feel you!

RESURRECTED
HEY SIS, I HEAR THAT BUT I KNOW YOU WOMEN TALK ABOUT THIS ALL THE TIME …BUT WHEN IT HITS HOME…EVERYONE OF YOU LADIES SEEMS LOST AND CONFUSED I KNOW ITZ HARD TO JUST GET UP AND GO ,..BUT WHATZ MORE IMPORTANT ..YOU AND THEM KIDS RIGHT!?!

@Ress
I heard that boo I’m going to start thinking of my new year’s resolutions…

LADIES REMEMBER WHAT YOUR MOM AND GRANMA SAID …ALL THAT GLITTERS AINT GOLD ….STOP PAPER CHASING AND FINDING YOURSELF LOSING YOUR DIGNITY AND SELF WORTH!

@ Alrighty

That is sad. That is real sad and your friend is going to need a strong person like you to help her get on her feet because it is apparent she is entirely too dependent on this man’s “income” and way of life.

Let me ask you this though. In all this balling did she stack her money up. Does she have an account with money for her rainy day? Or did she set herself up for the fall as well when he doesn’t make it?

The well always runs dry. Please let her know that.

Glok..!!

RESURRECTED
HEY SIS, I HEAR THAT BUT I KNOW YOU WOMEN TALK ABOUT THIS ALL THE TIME …BUT WHEN IT HITS HOME…EVERYONE OF YOU LADIES SEEMS LOST AND CONFUSED I KNOW ITZ HARD TO JUST GET UP AND GO ,..BUT WHATZ MORE IMPORTANT ..YOU AND THEM KIDS RIGHT!?!
____________________________________________
That is very true it is hard to follow your won advice but to me all that is lacking in the household of the man and woman is the agreement factor… People want a partner but do not want to really let that partner in to the 1 agreement zone… Men need to listen more to there partners because you are both two adults not children with not choices..

@oldtimer

I guess I misunderstood your position on the matter. It sounded as if you were saying that he will NOT change, regardless of the reason. My apologies. And you are right, I changed when I was ready, however, I had my loving wife (girlfriend at the time) trying to steer me in the right direction, so the seed had been planted. She, nor anyone else, ever told me that I couldn’t change. It is my belief that whether you say you can or cannot, either way you are absolutely right. And yes, women are more quick to believe that they can change their mate. All they can do is help them see why the need to change. Not everyone is their own best friend.

LADIES REMEMBER WHAT YOUR MOM AND GRANMA SAID …ALL THAT GLITTERS AINT GOLD ….STOP PAPER CHASING AND FINDING YOURSELF LOSING YOUR DIGNITY AND SELF WORTH!

*********************************************************

Chuch!

Choco

@Ress
I heard that boo I’m going to start thinking of my new year’s resolutions…

________________________________________________
Yeah we need to make some in the same area…lol…

….or worst critic for that matter, considering some of these downright mean-spirited posts.

Illuminated One

@oldtimer

I guess I misunderstood your position on the matter. It sounded as if you were saying that he will NOT change, regardless of the reason. My apologies. And you are right, I changed when I was ready, however, I had my loving wife (girlfriend at the time) trying to steer me in the right direction, so the seed had been planted. She, nor anyone else, ever told me that I couldn’t change. It is my belief that whether you say you can or cannot, either way you are absolutely right. And yes, women are more quick to believe that they can change their mate. All they can do is help them see why the need to change. Not everyone is their own best friend.
___________________________________________________
I really do believe that people can change but the most informed one has to be the stronger and sometime you might not feel that you have the strength… Change takes time and many people reject it so, so do you have any advice on how to be strong for someone else while they are going through there change other then prayer?

RESURRECTED!
INDEEDY, SISTA WE MEN NEED TO LISTEN MORE CUZ ITS THE WOMENS ATTENTION THAT MATTERS MORE I FOUND OUT ,..HEY IM STILL LEARNING, YOU WOMEN NEED QUALITY TIME WITH US MEN ….BUT WE BOTH SUFFER FROM COMMUNICATION.<THATZ WHAT FUKS UP UR GOOD THING!

Glok..!!

RESURRECTED!
INDEEDY, SISTA WE MEN NEED TO LISTEN MORE CUZ ITS THE WOMENS ATTENTION THAT MATTERS MORE I FOUND OUT ,..HEY IM STILL LEARNING, YOU WOMEN NEED QUALITY TIME WITH US MEN ….BUT WE BOTH SUFFER FROM COMMUNICATION.<THATZ WHAT FUKS UP UR GOOD THING!
__________________________________________________
Yeah I am going through that battle now and men call wanting attention as being needy I hate when people play the word game over facing and address the issues.. I am not the type of person that will keep staring at the dead mouse in the room as if it was not there…

Okay really I’m laughing cuz ppl are going off up in here it’s not funny but Dayum we need to show more love and compassion LOL LMAO everything just went beserk!

You knew his ife from jump but you kept pushing out his babies b/c the money was so good and you felt that that is the life. You waited until now while you are pregnant (and being stress is not good for you or the baby)to decide this is not what you want your babies daddy to continue to do as far as his “job” is concern. Instead of not wanting for anything you should have put the money he was giving you aside for the kids education and a savings account where you could purchase the property.

BTW do you work?

RESURRECTED!
YOU FOR SURE I KNOW THINK 2 STEPS AHEAD OF THE GAME, ITS GONNA TAKE A BRILLIANT SCHOLAR TO THROW YOU OFF OR MAKE YOU TUMBLE FOR LOVE!

WordtotheWiHey lady you talk nice and with sense and they come back with more curse words then and less decency and dignity…

resurrected

WordtotheWise
Hey lady you talk nice and with sense and they come back with more curse words then and less decency and dignity…

HI BIG SIS!!!

@ IJM–

Hey lil sis!!!

Choco

Okay really I’m laughing cuz ppl are going off up in here it’s not funny but Dayum we need to show more love and compassion LOL LMAO everything just went beserk!
_________________________________________________
U are love even when it is by the least of them, which is us…lol…

BTW do you work?

**********************************************************
NOPE SHE DOESN’T! She is laid up, not saving, not in school. Just “living” this lie that is going to leave her very sad and very lonely!

@ IJM–

You gotta teach me how to play Mafia Wars or Farmville.

Yes, I relented! Lol!!!

Glok..!!

RESURRECTED!
YOU FOR SURE I KNOW THINK 2 STEPS AHEAD OF THE GAME, ITS GONNA TAKE A BRILLIANT SCHOLAR TO THROW YOU OFF OR MAKE YOU TUMBLE FOR LOVE!
_____________________________________________
I try but love can be blind and people lack knowing how to really suuport each other… If I am ahead of the game is because I look to GOd for what I don’t know but being a woman is not easy especially a black woman since we are hated soo… I am glad that I am still waiting to have my family because even I am scare of making the wrong choices…

@ WordtotheWise–

Get ‘em, girl!!!

Lol!!!

resurrected

resurrected

WordtotheWise
Hey lady you talk nice and with sense and they come back with more curse words then and less decency and dignity…
***************************
Hey girl! I really need to be more dignified. I really do, but girrrrrllllll…

You know, instead of people dealing with issues, they come back with attacks on the person instead of the issue. It’s called ad hominum (sp?). I hate when people write checks their behinds can’t cash, and then they run.

Anyway, how are you doing this wonderful Hump Day?

@Ress
I just checked my site and caught your comment…I’m about to surf…I be back!

I do. In fact, I am having to be strong for my wife right now. Being human, she has made some very costly mistakes recently that have required me to step up and remind her why decided to marry each other me in the first place. Patience is key. Everyone learns the necessary lessons at their own pace. She and I learn very differently, so at times it becomes frustrating. Being a reasonably intelligent man, I know that change is absolutely necessary in order to progress. Over the past 10 years of our relationship (we are only in our late 20s by the way) we have both seen each other change quite a bit. What works best for me, besides patience, is showing many options so that she don’t change in the wrong ways. Keep in mind that the worst thing a person can do is say “I told you so.” Above all, be there for them when nobody else will. When you feel weak, tell yourself that you CAN and WILL go on. Do not let yourself even begin to fathom the concept of failure. Positive reinforcement works the same way that the negative does. It’s hard to be happy around someone who is constantly sad. Same goes for strength and weakness.

@ Sis

Yes I will teach you. Did you sign up. I just play MW not Farmville.

@ Jazmine
Thanks Jazz!!! Glad we could agree specially given the fact that we’ve both been there done that and have grown wiser go girls!!!!

@I’m Just Me: Keeping It Real Since 1983

@ Alrighty

That is sad. That is real sad and your friend is going to need a strong person like you to help her get on her feet because it is apparent she is entirely too dependent on this man’s “income” and way of life.

Let me ask you this though. In all this balling did she stack her money up. Does she have an account with money for her rainy day? Or did she set herself up for the fall as well when he doesn’t make it?

The well always runs dry. Please let her know that.
—————————————————–
I would say she’s almost completely reliant on him and his money…. She could make it by herself, most definitely, but could she maintain at the level she is living now? Hell naw! She might have to downsize cars, and home and extracurricular shit, BUT she would have things like piece of mind and clear conscience, that is priceless. It’s ok to start over… I had to learn this in my mid 20′s. Starting over was hard, one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but I did it, and I’m a better woman/person for it all these yrs later. I am always there for her, she’s my BFF til the bitter end, but at some point, our goals changed. If I had to take her and her 3 kids into my home, I wouldn’t think twice about it, but IMO she will never be the one to leave, he will…

WordtotheWise

resurrected

resurrected

WordtotheWise
Hey lady you talk nice and with sense and they come back with more curse words then and less decency and dignity…
***************************
Hey girl! I really need to be more dignified. I really do, but girrrrrllllll…

You know, instead of people dealing with issues, they come back with attacks on the person instead of the issue. It’s called ad hominum (sp?). I hate when people write checks their behinds can’t cash, and then they run.

Anyway, how are you doing this wonderful Hump Day?
___________________________________________________
Hey everyone is entitled to there day even you and I have been there so you get no blame from me but it is crazy how the ugly get some much attention… We really need to change the game…

@IJM – I love Sorority Life! lol!

Word to the wise

I meant that you are entitled to those days…

Choco

@Ress
I just checked my site and caught your comment…I’m about to surf…I be back!
________________________________________________
Ok have fun and I will be getting off in like 10 min

resurrected,

Thank you, sweetie

@ alrighty then–

IJM is a BEAST in Mafia Wars!

@1True
Wow that’s what I was tryn to get across to Alrighty cuz it sounds as if her friend’s man is in too deep as well I hope your story can prevent this in someone else’s life…

@Illuminated One – You made it because you have a true “hustler’s spirit”, sans the short-sightedness. So I know you empathize for having been in HIS shoes, but having been in and around HER shoes, I can genuinely say, the men like you are few and far between… for the most part, these type of men are not the ones you want to “ride it out” and wait for change, because it’s not happening… somehow, you would think she would know that, having been “that chick” for 7 yrs now…

Illuminated One

I do. In fact, I am having to be strong for my wife right now. Being human, she has made some very costly mistakes recently that have required me to step up and remind her why decided to marry each other me in the first place. Patience is key. Everyone learns the necessary lessons at their own pace. She and I learn very differently, so at times it becomes frustrating. Being a reasonably intelligent man, I know that change is absolutely necessary in order to progress. Over the past 10 years of our relationship (we are only in our late 20s by the way) we have both seen each other change quite a bit. What works best for me, besides patience, is showing many options so that she don’t change in the wrong ways. Keep in mind that the worst thing a person can do is say “I told you so.” Above all, be there for them when nobody else will. When you feel weak, tell yourself that you CAN and WILL go on. Do not let yourself even begin to fathom the concept of failure. Positive reinforcement works the same way that the negative does. It’s hard to be happy around someone who is constantly sad. Same goes for strength and weakness.
__________________________________________________
When I try to show my friend options and strength it like men reject this often, mad at there situation but on the other hand do not want to take the time to learn something new… My people die from a lack of knowledge… I am trying to be supportive and hold on for the rewards but it is not easy… It like with men the people that they say they trust the most is the one that they listen too the less… I do believe that love can conquer all things but that is for the one who can endure the most… I know that we all must die to self but this is usually a one side thing to most…

@resurrected

Hope that helps a little. I’m sure you already know everything that I just said, but sometimes we lose focus. We are all human.

Illuminated One

@resurrected

Hope that helps a little. I’m sure you already know everything that I just said, but sometimes we lose focus. We are all human.
______________________________________________
Yeah thanks did you read my new comment… To tell you the truth the only things that keeps me sane is trying to stay close to God and his word and sometimes even that is a struggle… Thanks for the talk…

@IlluminatedONe
Wanna get married : ) LOL Im kidding my young lover wouldn’t appreciate that but hey it’s all in jest…

Away I am out for the day everyone have a blessed one and for those who lack the message of love and peace grow the F**k up…

Choco

@IlluminatedONe
Wanna get married : ) LOL Im kidding my young lover wouldn’t appreciate that but hey it’s all in jest…
_______________________________________________
Get back in that pocket…lol.. Talk to you later..

Writer of letter,

Well you have to get into a good support system and I would leave. If the guy hasnt been doing right then he probably isnt going to ever do right. 7 years is a long long time to be waiting for someone to do the right thing. If you dont do the right then at least give your children a chance. Seriously

I’m sorry,dear, but I feel absolutely NO sympathy for you. Quite frankly, you’ve allowed and (maybe) encouraged this lifestyle for years and, although it’s unfortunate for the children, it’s partially your fault.

If you do not have one already, I would start by finding a job/ career of my own since it doesn’t look like your husband is guaranteed to be around forever. At least that way you’d be able to provide for your children without depending on anyone else.

@resurrected

Those men that are rejecting must humble themselves in order to receive what is being offered. Pride is a very dangerous thing if it prevents us from accepting good, no matter the source. Nothing good comes easy, and I think it’s necessary in order to fully appreciate the end results. I don’t know why as men we tend to do exactly what you said, the ones that we trust the most we listen to the least. Perhaps its the fact that society has deemed women weaker in comparison than men. When anyone with any sense knows that without a good woman, what’s the probablity of a good man? “It’s a man’s world…..” (You know the rest!) Furthermore, this person should be reminded that anger at the situation helps nothing, unless that anger is transformed to motivation which can make or break any situation.

What a man sows, that also shall he reap. Question is, does she want to be around when the reaping comes down? Being a pharmacist isnt going to just reflect on HIM. If he gets busted at home, she could wind up dealing w/ Child Services and having her kids taken away for endangerment. He is willing to face 20-40-60 years in prison, leaving this woman to raise those kids by herself.

Its never too late to wise up my sistah. God is not mocked.

another hoodrat making dumb decision…

as an african man, my comment will be i don’t give a f*ck.LOL

GHANA STAND UP

@choco

I know it’s all in jest! No harm in that!

@alrightythen

True, true……

@LISA LISA
another hoodrat making dumb decision…

i agree agree

@Illuminated One
Your wife lucked up with you honestly, because she has the best of both worlds, someone who knows the streets and the struggle but also knows being intelligent is important and being able to grown and change, but you’ve lucked up to because when you asked her to step up and bring something to the table she did that, I admire your mental, a lot of men do think as you do, refreshing to say the least.

@resurrected
I totally agree with this statement regarding trying to be strong and supportive only to have the man feel like he’ll be looked at as weak if he takes advice from you in regards to bettering his self.It almost starts to feel like you in a never ending battle when your only wanting to help them change for the better, I guess everyone changes at their own pace, and some never change at all.

We all know that “life” does not last. The goal……if you want to call it that should be “do it long enough” to set yourself up legally!!
The problem is everyone in the life enoughs all the BS trappings and bottle popping and do not even realize it is ending. And, there is never anything to show for it because it is either taken or sold so they can hold onto to the life when he or she gets pooped.
Hell, I remember when my girlfriend was tired of the life with her man and she wanted us to rob his storage so she could have enough to leave him. I left that fool alone!!! I was not getting involved in that mess.

Point is that they never want to give it. The ones that do then we never know their business. Sister leave while you can and get off your a** and do something for yourself vs waiting for all of you getting hurt one way or another.

Give me a sec on the phone I owe responese

@mzprettylady

Yes, I agree on both sides of us lucking up. It hasn’t always been easy and we have had our problems, but are trying to stick it out as best we can. Thanks for the compliment!

Shut up and grow up. I go to work everyday and raise my two kids. Get a job. He can get a job. Tie and burn those tubes. And work hard like everyone else. $50 each goes to a 529 plan for my children monthly. You know what you are supposed to be doing with this man. But you do what you wanna.

You are living wrong. Own it.

@Alrighty
Pray for her and maybe distance yourself you wouldn’t want to become a victim by association…real talk!

Your kids come first. It sounds like you are exposing them to potential harm if you are concerned for the safety and well-being of your partner. You never know what the circumstances might bring. We get so caught up in money and materialist beings when we tend to miss the big picture. What happens if your partner or you gets implicated with criminal charges? Since you did mention that whatever you guys are involved in is not legit. You know…you could go down with him too right? Then your kids are left without parents because they wanted to make fast and easy money. What kinda of a living can you provide for you and your kids should your partner be no longer able to provide? If you are losing sleep at night honey…it’s clear that you aren’t making the right decision. If he doesn’t feel the need to get out the game and won’t put anything away for a rainy day—then the current situation does you and your children NO GOOD. Should something happen to him tomorrow you will have NOTHING. Have you thought about the example you guys are setting for your little girls and soon to be son? I think you know what you need to do…you just don’t want to do it.

@Choco

@Alrighty
Pray for her and maybe distance yourself you wouldn’t want to become a victim by association…real talk!
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Yes, I do pray for her, and I (try) to hold my tongue unless she asks me for my advice… I moved across the country 6 yrs ago, so I only see her a couple of times a year… Distancing myself from my old life has made all of the difference in my own…

I am in that same position, except mines is doing 25 to life. I understand were she is coming from, but when you have a relationship with someone in that lifestyle, you cannot be naive, you have too realize that, with that lifestyle, anything can happen. That means prison or worse. You have too get up do for you and your children, because you never know what’s going too happen. Luckily for me, I did not depend solely on him, I had a job and made sure if anything happened too him, I was able too take care of my child with out him. I know how you are feeling, because even too this day, I still love him very much, but I can’t worry about where he is, I have too think about me and my child. I will definitely pray for you and your kids.

@ alrighty then–

IJM is a BEAST in Mafia Wars!

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CHURCH!!!

@Tina

If only everyone had the determination that you do. Keep your head up and don’t stop doing what you are doing!

@Tina
You have really put this into a nice perspective and I can appreciate the realness you spoke on…

Boy, lots of responses to this! But here’s the TRUE REALITY…seven years so far? Well, go ahead and stay with him and continue to enjoy the materialistic things that make you feel like he’s a good provider. Stay. Because eventually you won’t have to leave him because THE COPS are gonna make him leave you! WAKE UP!

I would set a plan in place that look something like this: 1)take out a term life insurance policy on the children’s father for $1 million plus (term insurance is cheap)with or with out his consent. Also get yourself some insurance. 2) Purchase a house for your family. 3)Start a business. For example,purchase investment property there are plenty of good deals out there trust me. 4) Set some money aside. 5) Plan your exit strategy with or without him. If you both work together you might be able to make a smooth transition. If not, focus on you and have some for yourself. Good luck.

Instead of saying “He’s too smart for that” you need to be thinking about yourself. Sounds like you fell for a drug dealer and now you are stuck. Im not trying to be rude at all but it has to be said. These are the things you think about BEFORE you lay down and have kids with dudes of “questionable” character. NOT AFTER.

Good luck, wish you all he best.

Can YOU handle it when the Federal Judge gives him 240 months and a baby on the way!!!! Hun I’ve been there dont that!! You need a job if you already have one then get a better one cause your gonna need it to take care of 3 kids. I stopped at 1 child my son does not really understand the struggle cause my job provides well but he understands that Momma gets up every morning if I want to or not and goes to work and I tell him no one should take care of you and go to college go to work or run your own business (legal) like I do and find a woman who will do the same!! You are providing a bad example for the 2 girls now a son pls change your life!! THE DOPE GAME IS DEAD!!! 70% of our men are in cause of this game…I understand that its hard for him to leave but if you dont luv yourself enough luv the kids enough to do better.

I normally do not comment on these posts, but this one struck close to home. I too have a man with a complex occupation which has afforded me and our 3 children with a very comfortable lifestyle. My point of this is that I enjoy having nice cars, a beautiful home and the vacations, but I also have used these finances to set up education funds for my children and actually finishing graduate school and furthering my education because I know that one day this can all go away, and luckily when it will or I decide to walk away I will be able to.

It was cool when you first got together. Now it is not so cool. It’s too late to turn back now. No man wants to come in at this point and assume another man’s rsponsibilities. You are an accomplice in this criminal enterprise. You supported this activity for years; and you brought children into this lifestyle and put them at risk. Why weren’t you asking yourself these questions 7 years ago?

I feel bad for this chick because the reality of things is that she already knows that she don’t want to be there anymore. I’ve been in a situation like this, and there is no way you can’t tell someone that’s been getting their papers however they’ve been getting it to change!!! If anything she is gonna agravate him and he is not going to understand why she is acting like that all of the sudden…I wouldn’t… not after 7 years and 3 kids, what she should have been doing is getting HERSELF together so when ( see how I said when and not if because baby girl it is going to happen…if he doesn’t plan to back down) s”"t hits the fan, she can still provide for her kids. LADIES, DO NOT DEPEND ON A MAN TO PROVIDE FOR YOU AND YOUR KIDS UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES….I DON’T CARE WHAT HE DOES OR WHAT HE BRINGS IN, YOU CANNOT PUT YOUR CHILDREN’S FUTURE IN A MAN’S HANDS. While you are being a “kept” woman, honey, get an education, get a career, and spread your wings, so you can stand by your man and be there for him when needed. You can’t trust your livelyhood to no niccas, boo. Take it from me, and yes “the coldest winter ever” would be a good book for you to read. Just be sure that you stay on top of the situation and instead on focusing on him so much, focus on the well being of your children and yours and get your own money so y’all can be straight!

WHO SAID THIS GIRL IS BLACK??????

Well i can relate i been in the same situation its very hard because your stuck in a pretty hard situation u love him, but do you leave him? Thats your baby father he is your everything but,like i said to him FAST $ DONT LAST 2 @ LONG!!!!!!

Tina

I am in that same position, except mines is doing 25 to life. I understand were she is coming from, but when you have a relationship with someone in that lifestyle, you cannot be naive, you have too realize that, with that lifestyle, anything can happen. That means prison or worse. You have too get up do for you and your children, because you never know what’s going too happen. Luckily for me, I did not depend solely on him, I had a job and made sure if anything happened too him, I was able too take care of my child with out him. I know how you are feeling, because even too this day, I still love him very much, but I can’t worry about where he is, I have too think about me and my child. I will definitely pray for you and your kids.

ANOTHER STATISTIC HERE GUYS.LOL

@Hatian Sensation -

“LADIES, DO NOT DEPEND ON A MAN TO PROVIDE FOR YOU AND YOUR KIDS UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES….I DON’T CARE WHAT HE DOES OR WHAT HE BRINGS IN, YOU CANNOT PUT YOUR CHILDREN’S FUTURE IN A MAN’S HANDS.”
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YOU BETTA PREACH! No truer words have been spoken in this post. Get your own, keep your own, always!!

I have a cousin in the same situation…She even had to move half way around the country for him because of his “occupation” Now shes broke! 3kids! and working at home depot to support herself and her 3 kids and he’s in a mexican prison! Not to say working at Home Depot is a bad thing but it’s a HUGE
change of lifestyle for all of them! Just be smart about things and if he doesn’t put $ aside for u guys, you do it yourself!!!

So exactly what is the problem here? Why is she confused?

Just sit back and enjoy his money like you have been for as long as you can. Worry about what ever issue that arises…WHEN IT ARISES.

You can’t cross a bridge until you get there.

I have been in this situation before and it wasn’t until I decided it was not what I wanted. I thank God I didn’t have kids. Ultimately regardless of what anybody on here as to say, it’s about your children and you. I want you to look on the web for an organization call Family’s Against Mandatory Minimums and check out their. I found this site from someone personally. Maybe when you see all the people who’s life have been destroyed just by being affiliated with some people, it’ll help with your decision. God be with you and your family!

Choco

If you thing Kigali is bad, pray to God that Marquis de Sade doesn’t show up. He’s been known to bring the Apocalypse with him when it comes to these sorta threads.

That ISH went out in the 90′s..There r no more money makin drug dealers anymore. HELLO

That’s a damn shame…..

It seems like she is putting this man before her kids safety. And boo why aren’t they married yet that alone should tell you something

If you have to ask a blog site or anyone for that matter what YOU should do, then most likely you already know what you should do.

Do you really want your two girls to end up with someone like their dad?

Get a job, go back to school and be that role model your kids can be proud of. Stop being so co-dependent. Stand up on your own two feet. No it will not be easy, but hey…welcome to LIFE…

Peace…

@Kigali, “D’vontaninjalo”
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dead, just dead, lol

omg this osund like one of them urban ghetto books like a zane novel.lol

Honey….stack some chips and ROLL!!! I am in 13 years….SAME EXACT SIUTATION..My hose has been robbed three times, I have moved countless times, he has been shoot three different times…and there is SOOOOOOO MUCH MORE…HE IS CURRENTLY LOCKED UP…..WHAT HAS TO HAPPEN TO YOU AND THE KIDS TO MAKE YOU REALIZE THAT IT IS ALL GOING TO END …..ONE WAY OR I THINK YOU KNOW THE OTHER!!!!!! Good Luck Honey!!

That ISH went out in the 90’s..There r no more money makin drug dealers anymore. HELLO
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@The Real Housewife of BK

LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NO BULLSH*T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ni@@a ain’t selling drugs like THAT no more, ni@@a PLEASE!!! GET THE F*CK OUTTA HERE!!! LMAO!!!

How do I know, a grew up with hustlers!!!
And if they ain’t dead, they just came out a few years ago or so, etc…

A few ni@@as is dibblin’ & dabblin’ but it ain’t DAMN SURE ain’t the LATE 80′s or EARLY 90′s…

SMH at the validity of this story…

Dear Tired, Pregnant, and Confused:
I understand how you feel. I was in your situathe kids. And i know you prolly are scared to leave b/c you don’t want your kids to be without their father. Low and behold, with the life he’s leading they will one day soon. So your best bet is to take the money you get from him and put it to the side and invest in your own business. No one ever said you have to wait for him. If he’s getting crazy money the way he is, he won’t want to leave the streets and by time he makes up in his mind that he should, it will be too late. You can always invest in yourself and start a business doing what you feel your best at. With him making the money now, when he is finally ready to stop being in the streets, you will be well established and ya’ll can chill back and relax. Nothing is ever one sided. If you can go to college online, you can start a business the same way. Look it up online for what your next move should be.

1. Have your baby first. Make sure that you and the children are ok.
2. Put money away yourself. If he lets you manage it, “you” put money aside. Don’t depend on him to do it.
3. Make sure that if he should suddenly “not be around” that you have money, and a roof over your head for you and the children.
4. Do you work? Can you work? (if I missed that part, I’m sorry) Can you make enough money yourself and your family so that he does not have To “work” to provide for you. If you have not taken steps so that you can help with your famiy finances, he may feel he has no choice in an effort to take care of you all.
5. If the answer to #4 is “no” and he does not beat you or hurt the children, and if you and your children are in no danger due to the “elements” of his profession, unless you want to go on welfare, and divide up your family, stay where you are, and be supportive until you can convince him to do otherwise, or until you have a job or some other means of making money so that he does not hve to “work”.
6.(#1, really) Pray, and put the matter in God’s hands, and trust in His wisdon.
Christine

Juust stay were you are cos that guy ain’t gonna let you go.And Pray your god he doesn’t find out about this letter.cos he will roast your assz.

illuminated one and mzprettylady

Thanks for your words they mean more than you know…

Perhaps she should have thought of the implications of being in a relationship with this man before she decided to start a family with him. No matter what she decides to do in her relationship, the safety and welfare of her children should always come first and I highly doubt the children will take well to the possibility of a raid or having him gunned down somewhere. Not to mention the strain its putting on her and her unborn child. My heart goes out to all of them. God bless.

BEEN THERE DONE THAT. TOLD HIM I HAD TO ROLL; MY LIFE COULD NOT BE LIKE THAT. DOING WELL HE IS IN CONSTRUCTION NOW.

HE COULD NOT LIVE WITHOUT HIS FAMILY. IT TOOK TIME BUT IF YOU SHOW HIM YOU MEAN IT HE WILL WEIGH HIS OPTIONS AND HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO MAKE A DECISION AT SOME POINT. ( IF HE IS A SMART MAN LIKE YOU SAY)
VALUE YOURSELF AND YOUR KIDS BEFORE MONEY BECAUSE YOU CANNOT BUY A LIFE!!!!!!!!

SOME OF YOU PEOPLE CAN CRITICIZE HER FOR THE MISTAKES SHE HAS MADE BUT NO ONE IS PERFECT BUT GOD. GOD IS THE ONLY ONE TO JUDGE AND I AM PRETTY SURE YOU ALL HAVE MADE MISTAKES ALSO AND DIDNT WANT TO BE PUT DOWN BUT UPLIFTED. I DO SYMPATHIZE WITH HER AND ASK GOD TO DELIVER HER FROM THIS SITUATION FOR THE SAKE OF HER CHILDREN. SOME OF YOU CALLING HER OUT OF HER NAME BUT HOW DO YOU THINK YOU SOUND AS AN ADULT SAYING SUCH TACKY WORDS. WHAT WE ALL SHOULD BE DOING IS PRAYING FOR HER NOT DOWNING HER. I KNOW THIS WEBSITE IS GHETTO BUT TO TALK GHETTO AND BE GHETTO WITH IT IS SILLY. I PRAY AND HOPE THAT SHE FIND THE STRENGTH TO WALK AWAY BECAUSE IT CAN’T BE EASY FOR HER AND I PRAY THAT GOD HAS MERCY ON EVERYONE SOULD THAT WANTS TO JUDGE HER LIFE!

SOME OF YOU PEOPLE CAN CRITICIZE HER FOR THE MISTAKES SHE HAS MADE BUT NO ONE IS PERFECT BUT GOD. GOD IS THE ONLY ONE TO JUDGE AND I AM PRETTY SURE YOU ALL HAVE MADE MISTAKES ALSO AND DIDNT WANT TO BE PUT DOWN BUT UPLIFTED. I DO SYMPATHIZE WITH HER AND ASK GOD TO DELIVER HER FROM THIS SITUATION FOR THE SAKE OF HER CHILDREN. SOME OF YOU CALLING HER OUT OF HER NAME BUT HOW DO YOU THINK YOU SOUND AS AN ADULT SAYING SUCH TACKY WORDS. WHAT WE ALL SHOULD BE DOING IS PRAYING FOR HER NOT DOWNING HER. I KNOW THIS WEBSITE IS GHETTO BUT TO TALK GHETTO AND BE GHETTO WITH IT IS SILLY. I PRAY AND HOPE THAT SHE FIND THE STRENGTH TO WALK AWAY BECAUSE IT CAN’T BE EASY FOR HER AND I PRAY THAT GOD HAS MERCY ON EVERYONE SOUL THAT WANTS TO JUDGE HER LIFE!
We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It’s one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it’s another to think that yours is the only path.

I’m Speaking from lessons learned If you love him stay with him also get your self together{save the money he gives you and get yopurself a JOB} so that if he goes to jail you can depend on you and tell him if he goes to jail you cant be his lady but you help him out{bring the children to see him money sometimes} if you can because your children need you to be strong when and if this happens to go down

First of all let me just say, that you telling me that you have no fear for your family, is bs, i dont care how good you think you have it, a man in that type of “business” u always have to be worried about someone tryna be at the top and knock whoever they can off to get there.
You may think that your safe but its not, ever, thats a situation you have to be smart about, and you let him know, “I’m not going to do this anymore”. Im not going to just say you like the life your in, but you like the life you have. You knew what he was doing before you were together wen you first started dating, you knew, but it was different, and exciting cuz u didnt have to worry about your needs and wants because he provided them.
I will say this. You may be contemplating leaving, but you stayed this long and supported it, but now whats the difference between 7 years ago and now?
What does your heart tell you to do?
What does your mind tell you to do?
At the moment dont think family and friends, think you, and your 2 girls, and your unborn son.
What if tommorow the Feds came, or like i said someone who wants to prove they’re bad. They wont care who you are, and how pregnant you are, you will find some people that are so ruthless and they wont care how old your kids are and how many puppies you have. Contrast your your mind and heart, and go with that.

Imagine all these judgmental folks posting all this insensitive garbage. Look young lady i know i’m late posting; but you wanna know something nobody addressed the fact that you love this man. I need everyone to understand LOVE. Its makes the Its ur decisions that make the difference. We all take chances on a daily basis; so ur taking a chance. And what? that dosent make you stupid or ignorant. All that ur doing spells LOVE.

Im not about to call this person names,but thats not needed. Everyone is accountable for the people they choose,but end up blaming men,women and white people when thier choice doesnt work out.Can you spell IRRESPONSIBLE. Easier said then done because you are deeply involved with him,but leave. There’s no reason a woman should ever want to be with a man being a street guy,but thats just not reality.
Look he’s not a good man,good father,so stop trying to convince people he is. Not saying he’s satan,but lets get real here.As far as the women being educated,education has absolutely nothing to do with the kind of man a sista will choose. how many legally working,college degreed women are involved and married to men selling drugs?. you already know the answer. The truth is just so hard to take in the black community. for the women,that are or were in her shoes,dont even try and justify her actions. Every time you go to a site like essence,blackamerica web,cnn and you hear chatter about the lack of available brothas. forget about the numbers,you choose who you want to choose. drug dealers get swooped up just as often as poeple go to the bathroom.