Good morning Bossip readers! We have a very interesting plight that needs some attention from you all.
I wanted to know what you and your readers think about this crazy situation I have going on. I have been with my kids’ father for almost 7 years. We have two beautiful girls and I just found out that I’m 6 months pregnant with our first son. When we got the news we couldn’t have been happier! So far, my life sounds good to someone on the outside looking in but it’s not.
Throughout our relationship, my sort of husband (lol) has been a wonderful provider and support system for this family operation we have going on. Me and the kids are very well taken care of and we’ve never wanted for anything. But he’s not the corporate type that gets up and goes to work everyday and he’s not the blue collar worker either. I think you can read between the lines as far as it relates to his “occupation.” I’ve been asking him for years to put some money aside and buy some real estate or open a business or even start a college fund for the kids. But he has not and doesn’t show signs that he’s willing to consider trying to live a life of legitimacy.
I’m so tired of my heart skipping a beat when the phone rings thinking he’s been hurt or worse. Late nights without him home are horrible, and he’s already barely escaped two felony convictions! I don’t know what to do. I love him and he’s a great father and partner, but what can I do to get him to understand that this lifestyle catches up to even the most crafty, when he thinks he’s “too smart for that.” It’s not that I feel unsafe or fear for the safety of my family, but I fear for his and really just need this to end! I can’t bring our third child into the world with this type of stress and anxiety. I’ve gotten to a point where my nerves are shot and I’m an emotional wreck. But what do I do? Do I leave or stay?
tired, pregnant and confused
Wow. This is a very sticky situation you have. The words “occupation” and legitimacy along with the implications of an abundance of cash flow somewhat confirms that you and your family are years entrenched in the fast life. You also didn’t give any indication that you work or have steady income to contribute to your family operation. Would you be able to sustain your living space and expenses if your spouse threw in the towel and quit what he does or suddenly couldn’t continue? It sounds like this is a lifestyle you may have grown accustomed to, and surely it’s enticing being able to get what you want when you want it and that seems like it would be the hardest part to let go of. With responsibility comes sacrifice, and if you want to live a life without the stresses of your man’s “occupation” you might have to leave, unless he’s willing to turn a new leaf. If you do leave, where would you go? Do you have family you could reach out to? Do you have a stash of funds that you could start over with? It’s best to have a plan if you leave. Just don’t take forever making your exit strategy, do the best you can with what you have.
Your partner can do a number of things to generate income, but without being specific, you’re clearly uncomfortable with the set-up. You can choose to do whatever you want to do and be involved with whatever you want in whatever capacity. You are responsible for your own actions, but the children are victims of circumstance should anything happen to you or your partner. One thing is for sure, your children need both of you to be at your best in order to thrive. You should put your kids first and do what’s best for them, first and foremost, and maybe your man will follow your lead.
Bossip readers, what do you think? Should she stay or should she leave? Please remember to e-mail all feedback and topics and suggestions to firstname.lastname@example.org