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1st

first, so kiss my grass lol

You right drenk.

Ever try swinging?

Hey Girl,

Well, i can say that i left a dude once strictly for this reason and left for nothing, and after i realized it was a mistake and i tried to go back, i couldnt, and to this day i alwways think of him as the one that got away, but yet still if you dont get the dating scene out of your system (not tellin you to sleep around , please dont) just tellin you to make sure you know what you want and dont want out of a man and the only way you will know is to have dated a little, b/c if you dont you could resent him and cheat on him and i would hate for him to hurt> But if you love him and could see yourself being with him dont settle but make the decision that your heart is tellin you to do!

‘the’

But its fun to answer them , I think it was a cute letter.

Girl, the grass is brown and burnt on the other side…so stay put!

Mmmm… im sorry missy but you seem to have posted where people just dont give a phuc…

Try Dear Abby or Prudence….

Look at your reasons for wanting to be with him. Are they sincere? Look at your reasons for wanting to explore? What to you hope to gain from exploring? What may you lose by staying or exploring? No one can give you the answers you desire. You have to pose questions to yourself and be ready to live with the consequences of your decision.

Ha, lol. There are so many 40 something women out here that “just wanted to have fun” and let that great one get away. You’re only twenty-three point taken, however, 23 to maybe 28 is as good as it’s going to get, as far as options, for women to chose a mate. After that, you’re just playing catch up; comparing what was to what is & going around & around in circles making the same mistakes over and over again. I’m not telling you what to do one way or the other. Just stating the facts.

You found a good guy. I’d stay put. Whats on the ‘other side’ is a bunch of mistakes and heartache that the enemy is trying to convince you to throw yourself into. I married young…19 and had that itch to be free so I bounced. Three kids and 20 years later, I wonder what life wouldve been like if I’d stayed. I dont regret leaving but that greener lawn turned out to be a bunch of weeds, astro turf and rocks. I had to landscape it like crazy to get the roses I have now. If you are starting with Roses…why leave?

I think that what you are talking about is an age old problem. I put it like this, if you curiosity is greater than your comittment to your man or your want to be with your man, then you are going to cheat or be with somebody eventually. It’s just a matter of time before you act on it. I would say if you can get that curiosity under control, the best bet is to not compound the hurting him by cheating. Just break up with him. But if you can control your curiosity, then stay and live you life. Too many women and men kill what could be a beautiful future together to experience what the call “life”…Life isn’t about running around with this one and that one, it’s about being the best human being you can be, and if somebody can help you reach that point and you are happy..then go in with that person and go hard. If not, then leave him alone so somebody else who is qualified can do it. There are plenty of women who are more mature that will be willing to take your place, and fast. I’m just talking from a man’s perspective and experience.

Good Luck

You might think your relationship is forever but don’t be with him for all these years and than he leaves you. Than you’ll be 30 and all your 20′s have passed you by.

The world tries to make it seem like there is only one person in the world for you. But truth be told there are alot of different people you will mesh with. Its a matter of finding them.

I think you should let him go easy and just say you want to date around. Better now than when your 30 or 40. There is nothing wrong with being honest and upfront…don’t lead him on.

Good Luck

The grass on the other side has many tumble weeds! But my advice is being 23 you should explore and live life before marriage. Talk to your man. Let him know that you need some self evaluation and time apart before ya’ll make that next step. if he loves you he will do him the time being and allow you to focus on what is needed righ now. Curiosity killed the cat but a closet cat only finds more trouble ahead in time. Jus my opinion

I THINK THAT YOU SHOULD STICK WITH HIM IF YOU REALLY LOVE THEM. TRUST ME THERE ISNT MUCH OUT HERE. THERE ARE GUYS WHO HAVE GIRLFRIENDS, WIVES, AND FIANCE’S AND THEN THEY TRY TO GET YOU ON THE SIDE. IF YOU AND YOUR BOO ARE COMMITTED TO EACH OTHER I THINK YOU SHOULD STAY WITH HIM. THE GRASS IS NOT ALWAYS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE. WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO GET SOME MORE NOTCHES ON YA BELT. TRUST ME ITS NOT WORTH IT THERE ARE MORE FEMALES THAN MALES IN THIS WORLD AND IT IS SCIETIFICALLY PROVEN THAT THERE ARE 7 WOMEN TO EVERY 1 MAN. IF YOU LEAVE HIM OIR CHEAT ON HIM AND HE FINDS OUT YOU ARE GOING TO REGRET IT DONT MAKE THAT MISTAKE BE GLAD,HAPPY,LUCKY, AND BLESSED THAT YOU HAVE SOMEONE WHO LOVES YOU AND IS TREATING YOU RIGHT AND NOT CHEATING ON YOU OR PUTTING THERE HANDS ON YOU. PEACE.

friend*

Let me just tell you “girl tryin to get it right” that the dating scene is not pretty out here whatsoever….finding a good man with a balance between being great at committment, not being selfish/careless, and being an all around good and WANTED man is incredibly difficult to find..

After not finding a good man after all this searching I would kill to find a man who WANTS to be in a fab relationship and isn’t lame! I can understand you wanting to see what else is out there I am 23 as well and if you have currently have what it is that your ultimate type of man would be, please stay put! If you can grow with him and want to, GO FOR IT! You’d be surprised at how much a couple can grow together without throwin the flag in…..

You spelled PEEK wrong…

You PEEK into the future or your life PEAKS at age 23.

moron!

Or you can just go on a vaction far, far, far out of state somewhere, get laid a few times with a few people SAFELY…Return back home fu#k the he11 outta of your man and move forth!

I don’t think so but it can work when you are not being true to yourself and when you have very selfish tendencies…. The grass is not greener because the grass on the other side still has to be molded as well… Meaning that eventually the other person will want the same kind of things that your former partner wanted because being in a commitment relationship does come with requirements… Another reason why I don’t feel like it will work is because you and your new friend are creating a very bad foundation when creating this new relationship…. And a cruddy person with not goals, character, moral and values will do the same to you as they would do to anything person because those are there bad and negative life habits and patterns… At the end of the day you have attached yourself with a very undisciplined and undeveloped person because anyone with standard would present there form the very beginning and would not enter into any old kind of situation at the end of the day… People who love themselves treat other around them with love and respect…

At the age of 23 I was just starting. I had a strict mother so once I got loose I got loose.Do u feel me. I actually paved the way for my little sister and just like you she is one of the lucky ones to find their mate the first try. So I say to u sweetie when you find someone that is good to you do your best to hold on to them because it’s hard to find someone that will treat you right and not play those games.
But if you still feel like you need to find out for yourself please don’t hurt him. If you love him like you say you do then talk to him. Choose the right words. But I really do think you should try different things like role play. Try out your alter ego. You would never believe how far it will take you. It works because you get to be someone totally different. You get to be someone with a different attitude. That may be the problem. You are just a little bored. You maybe so use to showing him the good and caring side. You have to balance yourself. Try it what do you have to lose? NOTHING. But if you leave your man you will be losing EVERYTHING.
Please take my advice this is from one sister to another. I’ve been there. I kept looking out the window and seeing all the pretty green grass and when I walked out the door the grass was COLD AND BLACK. Man Up and Work It Out!!!!!

So is he not hittin’ it right? I don’t understand!
You got something most women search their lives for and you’re ready to opt for some searchin’ too?
Believe it or not, a woman’s sexual peak is in her mid 30′s. Enjoy what you have now, cause in 10-15 years, you’ll have all the material things and you’ll be looking for Mr Goodbar.
Trust!

More than age it is about maturity and about you knowing what you are looking for in your partner as well within yourself…

Girl I am in the same situation with a guy that I have been dating for over 5years! I am the same age and what i have did is that I prayed about the situation and ask God to show me signs that we are not meant to be. Like let me catch him cheating with another girl or something like that! Then I will know when to give him the boot. But honey if you have a good thing… why messed that up. There are alot of people wishing to be in the same boat that we are in. Ask GOD!!

@ The writer of this message

This is why I say you must find the answers for you. Because if you come to a place like this, you will get different responses and every single one of the responses think they have the right solution. When you start trying to look outside yourself for answers your mind will only become more warped. Sit down by yourself and talk to God. Ask Him for guidance and what you shld do. But by the way, I’m speaking from experience myself, I moved in with my ex-boyfriend straight out of highschool. Before I did that my mother said to me “you must be able to pick, choose, and refuse.” I now understand what she meant. If you dont even know who you are yet, then you wont know if he or anybody else is the one for you. Both sides have a point, but it is ultimately up to you to make the best decision for you. Just ask God for the courage and strength to carry out whatever decision you come to. Wish you all the best.

@ The writer of this message

Remember,you will go through this phase in ANY relationship you get into. It’s about getting past that stage. Every obstacle is an opportunity for you guys to get closer.

Damn, this ain’t Oprah or Tyra show. This letter is obviously fake. It kills me to see people trying to give advice when you know your sh!tty lil life ain’t even almost in order…hahaha!

1. Sounds like her man is a lot older than 23
2. Someone show her the statistics on HIV & AIDS in the female community – STAT!

@ Uhhhh, stupid

Why you on this website? You my momma age.

AND I’M 30!!!!LMAO

shoot make that 60/40

I was in the same situation, when i was 21 I started dating a great friend, completely in love with me, he wanted to marry me after 3 months, it freaked me out I left him and went back to my ex, fast forward 9 years and 2 serious relationship later on my end and 1 on his end, we have both grown and now have just started to give it another try. Honestly even though I hurt him over the years by gettting in relationship with 2 other guys while he was just in love with me, it was for the best, because he’s grown, had relationships, and I have grown too, and the PLUS is, i won’t have this question about how the grass is because I know. I think it’s very important to APPRECIATE and love your mate, and that is almost impossible to reach until you have EXPERIENCED life and maybe some failed relationships. All the women I know who hit a great guy on their first try are clueless as to what they have and it’s not their fault. I know if it works out with me and this guy now I will be a very happy wife. In essence I am just lucky he is still available, but I would never advise someone to stay if you have doubt because if you do I almost guarantee you that this will end in divorce. It would take a miracle to erase the “what ifs and curiosity” without actually experiencing relationship with other guys no matter what you witness around you or what your friends and family tell you.

In my opinion the grass will always appear to be greener on the other side. Every single person I know are always complaining about how they wish they could find one good mate while most married people wish they could have their single freedoms back.

In my opinion times have certainly changed and in this day and age marriage doesn’t mean nearly as much as it did to women like it did back in the 60 and even 70s when women truly NEEDED a man. Nowadays women are independent, educated and paid well so marriage is really more of a WANT than a NEED and it seems b/c they just WANT to be married in a lot of cases (like the one above) once a woman finds a good man and fulfills her WANT she starts taking her man for granted in the end. I see too many cases of people (men and women) getting married just to say they are. My philosophy is if you can’t honestly say you NEED this person in your life you need to just holdup on the marriage deal and enjoy each other’s company….what amuses me is I can almost gurantee if she let the guy get away her next letter will be about how she can’t find a good guy and she’s tired of being alone.

drenk is right …made up letter

The grass is greener on the side that I am on.

if he i such a great guy, what makes you think that if you are up front with him and do leave to “explore” some great girl who is ready to appreciate his love won’t come along and take your place???

if the thought of this doesn’t bother you then he may just be a great guy but not the one for you which unfortunately happens sometimes..i say get your own life totally separate from him (while still in the relationship) and observe.. if the other guys still pique your interest after you see what they’re like without getting involved it may be time to reevaluate the relationship…(i’ve done this and the types of guys i thought i was interested in were only interested in one thing and if that one thing is all you’re afraid of missing out on then maybe you dont really love him)

@ Alrighty then

Why do you and I agree on almost every da** thing?!?!?! I just don’t understand….women say they want a good dude…get one and then say I wonder what else is out there!!! Nothing bytch, nothing! That’s what. If he’s a good dude stay with the one you’re with.

Something tells me that she won’t be happy either way…

Don’t mess around and miss your man.

Can I post?

i think every relationship goes thru this kind of thing but you have to tell YOURSELF if it would be better to leave or stay. Your life has many paths you could take…choose one and stick with it.

lol Dreday, I see we both think the same when it comes to the rules of the game.

“It is in a man’s favor to treat a woman like shit…odds are we will attract more women”

When I was younger, I used to hate that those words were true. Now i’ve learned to embrace and exploit them lol.

My bet is that this broad stays and cheats.

Is she ready to get married??? Seems like they are doing a lot of married activities. Since she is single, she certainly has the right to date other men. Either start marriage counseling and start the process of walking down the aile, or get out and start seeing other men…. since you didn’t “wait” to have a sexual relationship with your boyfriend; why are you “waiting” to see if you want to see other men?? I don’t get it…I think women have the tendency to confuse the word “boyfriend” with husband….

I am 26 and married…stay with your man. Curiosity is evils way of edging in. Just see if your man will try some new things on the romance side and you try some new things too. Get some extra curricular activities too somthing with your man and with out before you know it youlll be so wrapped up you won’t have time for this crap. Diseases are plentiful and good men are not.

Don’t listen to these people. This is the problem with us black women today. So damn quick to be all booed up..thats what most of us are out here thinking about..instead of traveling, trying to find a successful career, doing an amazing internship or something that really defines your 20s…we are out here looking to get married up and have babies young. This why so many of us stay married to men years down the line and we regret the decision we made…so much in damn hurry. enjoy your life…stop worrying about a man..if it’s in God’s plan you will have one!

Ive been with my husband since I was 21 and I am 40. Honestly the grass is not green on the other side. Looks can be deceiving. If you have love that is true and satisfying, Y would you want to leave it. Don’t allow temptation to ruin your relationship. You can always extend an engagement. But once the relationship is ruin, it will never be the same again. Cherish what you have. You may not ever get it again. Are you willing to risk that?

I am married and have been for 10 years. I got married at 19 and the reason why is because I knew I had found the one for me. He treats me like a queen and protects me and is a great father to his kids. He has a good job and it helps that he is fine too! Of course I have wondered what it would have been like if I was with another, but then I begin to realize it can’t get any better. I say stick with your man and stay faithful and prayerful. God bless.

ensiteful…Preach!!!

I actually went through the same thing. I started dating my man when I was 22. He too was/is my first and only.

I got the same itch to wonder what else was out there. I did NOT cheat and I would not recommend that you do that either. Wait for a few months to gather your feelings…the desire will subside.

BTW, I hear enough horror stories from girlfriends about the current dating pool. You can learn from other people’s mistakes. This process offers way less heartache.

Once the desire subsides you will realize that you love your man and that cheating wouldve been a very bad idea.

Don’t become a dumb broad, Curiosity is natural, the choice is yours if to stay or venture out, but heed my advise, if u venture out, don’t cheat breakup w/ homeboy the correct way in advance. And I am not saying to breakup w/ him after you found a potential man, no do it once you decide that is the path you want to take. So he is able to explore too, dont be selfish, because once u realize the mistake, the odds of you having him back is greater.
Base on my personal experience this is what will happen if you cheat, first you might actually like boyfriend#2 but you are not seeing this person as the true 100% person that they is, that will keep your mind in the fog, eventually your main boyfriend the good guy will find out, it will break his heart, now look what u did, a good man is now a dog he will never ever change,you will look to boyfriend#2 but guess what ur going to see the true 100% of that person rather than the part time that you had, and then your going to realize he definitely not the one, your going to try to get back what u had from the beginning but guess, he is never ever going to look at u the same, yeah he might f*** you but trust me your nothing but a tool to him for the rest of your life together.
So their you have it, from a former “Good Guy”. Wish my GF wasnt a dumb broad, maybe I would of still been a Good Guy but really why should I, cause being like all the no good fellas out their is comes w/ the benifits rather than getting f*** over with nothing to show.

memoir of a former “Good Guy”

At this point you’ve already received good advice however, it would be best to get to know what you’d rather own in your future. A marraige, kids, businesses, education and so much more could be a part of your future but you have to recognize that on your own. After you do your own research on what you personally desire than try being specific. If he isn’t the man for you than it’s more than OK to exit before considering cheating.

If you are willing to give up 80% of what makes you happy to explore 20% by all means explore. But don’t think you will be able to recapture what you’ve lost for TRUST is the true foundation of EVERY relationship.

Like someone said earlier, the grass may be greener on the other side but yours would be green as well if you took the time to water it.

You’re dumb. If you’re weighing out the pros and cons of cheating on a good man, you clearly have no sense. All these hungry women out there looking for a good man and you’re debating on leaving one just for the heck of it? Why do you think every other article and bestselling book is about how to meet/date/marry the right one? Because it takes work! Stop being immature and either leave him if you’re not 100% sure he’s the one or throw him back and let him find the one. If you cheat, we’ll have one more bitter brother in the world and one more ho.

Listen at some of these comments, and wonder if you really want to listen to this group of losers

“Keep him now because you’ll never do any better”
“All men are pigs, keep this one while you’ve got him”

These are the thoughts of bitter, self pitying, desperate individuals, and unless you want to end up like them, think before you take their advice. I can GUARANTEE if you were a dude asking this question most of the responses would be “Go! Explore your options now, youre still young, and you don’t wanna make any mistakes that end in you losing half your shit”. And they wonder why the genders can’t get along.

Everyone who says “Find yourself first” and “Talk to your man” are the only ones worth listening to. You have to understand how you view men, and what role you want them to play in your life. And also ask your man what he expects of you.

But more importantly, Know You. Most people expect to find completeness through another person, and IMO, this is a pathetic way to live your life, but people do it every day, with varying results.

i was in a very similar situation. When i was 19, i met my first lover and the only man that i’ve ever been in love with. That man gave me all of that he could of himself and loved me like i was the only woman on Earth, but after a couple of years together I decided to cheat out of curiosity. He found out, and was completely crushed!!! I thought he would leave me, but he stayed with me for a couple more years. As an act of revenge he ended up cheating on me. In the end, the pain we had both inflicted on each other no longer allowed us to be together, so we let each other go. it’s been a couple years since, and i’ve met some good men, but not anything that will ever compare to my first… so i say don’t do it!!!!!! You’ll regret it later, i PROMISE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@Ree

MAYBE if you read correctly SHE IS ONLY 23… and been with the same guy for 4 yeas… with that said… I was WAS lol. In a relationship for 5 years and im 22… You get so caught up in that on man that you feel as though theres nobody better, or no one can touch me like he does, or make me feel this good, or his kisses, hugs, whatever are the best! LIES lol… My next boyfriend was 10X better, and made it his business to make me feel like a Queen! I say Go For It. You don’t want to always have to wonder what else is out there…

gurll, just send him to me, I’ll put him on lay-away for you.

Not particularly greeenr per say…….just more weeeds

I was in your shoes. I married at 18. My husband was my 1st. After 7yrs of marriage I got the “itch” & cheated. He found out & now he hates me. I am currently going thru a divorce.

The guy I cheated with now has a girlfriend (who he met while I was trying to work on my marriage & who he would rub in my face) who he lives with.

I am by myself now. Hubby is gone, ex-lover is gone. I am surprised I am not in the Crazy Bin. Only b/c of the grace of God.

THE GRASS IS NOT GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE!! I hate having to date now. Most guys just want to f*ck. And, it is ALOT of game playing involved.

Keep your good man. You are one of the lucky ones that found your soulmate early. I could tell you horror stories of my own experiences trying to date & my sisters & my friends. Keep your good man & hold on to him tight. There are THOUSANDS of women who would love to be in your place.

Sorry to keep posting but this is what you do when you are single. i miss my husband so much! I would call him & he would do anything for me. Now, that is all gone. I am dating this assh0le who won’t even give me $30 to get my nails done. Im begging you, stay. Pls stay!

Go to http://www.them-path.com. The answers and questions you have about men, yourself and relationships is all there. It changed my life…..

The grass is never greener on the other side!! You are in question because you are getting what most women want and because you haven’t gotten what you don’t need, you feel the need to explore that. Trust me, its nothing out there that you find in TV land. That is where many women dreams and passions come from. You need to ask yourself and not even the mix of being with someone else but if you were single and alone, without this man, would you be happy and then evaluate that. I say this because you will be there one day when you dating and finding out that most of the men out here are crap now and days. There are good ones but they really are hard to find. I bet you have a pretty face and figure and probably can pull many men at a time but sometimes thats all men want and you will be exploiting yourself if thats what you are going for….sometimes its not worth it but if you feel like you need to be ALONE…do so….if not, don’t toy with his emotions. Many women are waiting on a man like that!! Remeber that as well!!