Dear Bossip: Is the Grass Greener on the Other Side?
Posted by Bossip Staff
Good day Bossip readers! This young lady is seeking advice. Take a look and leave your thoughts!
Dear Bossip,
I need some advice. I’ve been in a relationship for going on 4 years. Before him I had dated around but nothing serious at all. He is my first and only lover. No one else even came close to getting the goodies but, with him, it just felt right. I love him with all my heart and I can see and feel how much he loves and adores me. My problem is… I guess.. curiosity and the fear of not knowing. Like I said, I’ve never had another serious relationship but I find myself wondering what it would be like more than I am comfortable with. I feel so stupid. Here I am with this great guy any girl would kill to have but I’m thinking about everything else but him. In my defense, I feel that if I don’t date around some more then I will be cheating myself out of experiencing life. I’m 23 and I’m really just starting to live. On the other hand, what if he is supposed to be the one? I don’t want to leave him out of curiosity and hurt him and ruin a good thing. Hell, even if he’s not “the one” I still would never want to hurt him. I love and respect him and he just doesn’t deserve any of that………….. I wish I could just freeze him in time, get this out of my system, then bring him back to life. Funny thing is, I guess I don’t really expect to find anyone better. I mean, besides superficial things like a perfect body, a huge bank account and a “you can have whatever you like” attitude, finding another man who is just genuinely a good man like him would be, I believe, close to a damn miracle….. BUT, what if? I guess I’m hoping to read about other girls in my situation who left and it was the worst decision they’ve ever made…. or married women who can assure me that even if I did date around, my curiosity would still be there. Better yet, someone just peak into the damn future for me and tell me what’s behind door 1 and what’s behind door 2!! It’s coming to a head now because I caught him looking at rings online. He closed the screen out and I pretended I didn’t see… Please Help!
P.S. Yes, I’ve thought about just cheating but that is out of the question. 1) Too many diseases. 2) If I tell him up front it’d be harder but at least he’d still respect me enough to give us another chance in the future if that’s what it came down to.
Sincerely,
Just a girl trying to get it right.
Hey, Just a girl trying to get it right. The first question you should ask yourself is: are you ready to be married? Marriage is a massive commitment that is meant to stand the test of time, is this someone you’re willing to invest your life and time with? It sounds like you’ve got yourself a good guy who has goals that include a marriage with you. There are plenty of good guys out there, but are you really willing to forfeit your relationship of four years to satisfy your curiosity? It kills cats. Maybe you’re one of the lucky ones who’s found your life partner early in life.
It just sounds like you need to take some time and get to know what you want at this point in your life. You are only 23 years old and have the rest of your life ahead of you, so naturally you feel the need to explore and try new things … experience what it’s like to date and live the single life. But understand that there are several single women who would absolutely love to scoop up a good man who wants a marriage and family. How do you know he will give you another chance if you leave? How would it make you feel if you decided to part ways thinking he’s waiting for you and find that he’s moved on with someone else? Then it would be the classic story of “I let the good one get away.”
In a nutshell, the grass is hardly greener on the other side of the fence so think long and hard about this. Evaluate the pros and cons of leaving and staying and make your decision based on that. What do you think this young lady should do, Bossip readers? Remember to e-mail your topics and questions to loveandrelationships@bossip.com!
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first, so kiss my gr***** lol
Bossip, boring day in news, huh?
@ EVERYONE WHO’S GOING TO COMMENT
WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD E-MAIL BOSSIP FOR ADVICE!?!?!? HONESTLY THINK ABOUT IT? IM SURE THIS IS ANOTHER MADE UP LETTER
You right drenk.
Ever try swinging?
Hey Girl,
I think BOSSIP get’s some of their stuff from ‘DEAR ABBY’ column!?!
naturally you feel the need to explore and try new things … But the gr***** is always greener on the other side, and they have bigger water bills too. You have to understand that, If you let go of what you have now you have to start all over. that is always hard, and if its the sex thang, Girl its all the same. you still have to wipe when you are finish. We alway want what we can not have. Stay with your man, and learn new tricks, you guys have only been together 4 yrs, that’s just the begining. This is the time where, you can explore, try new things.
yeah she had to have been smokeN gr***** to ask Bossip for relationship advice…….p***** dat young lady
LMAO, I meant to say Hey Girl, I have been there and done that and got the T-Shirt and it’s not worth it at all. You can grow with him! I think it’s beautiful there’s no jack in the box stuff going on! (you know him after 4 years you don’t have to worry about him springing attitude and all that other ish on you). I am happy for you take your time have fun with your girls but don’t let your curiousity be a down fall (I know).
‘the’
But its fun to answer them , I think it was a cute letter.
Girl, the gr***** is brown and burnt on the other side…so stay put!
Mmmm… im sorry missy but you seem to have posted where people just dont give a phuc…
Try Dear Abby or Prudence….
Look at your reasons for wanting to be with him. Are they sincere? Look at your reasons for wanting to explore? What to you hope to gain from exploring? What may you lose by staying or exploring? No one can give you the answers you desire. You have to pose questions to yourself and be ready to live with the consequences of your decision.
well, first thing i thought reading this is that this is a cl*****ic situation, best described in the donnel jones song “where i wanna be”. just play that song for him and he’ll understand. lol ..jk, but all i can say is, like bossip said the gr***** is hardly ever greener on the other side, but also, you shouldnt be ignorant to men just because you found the “right one” so soon in life. who knows, maybe getting out there and experiencing will make you appreciate your man that much more. or, on the flip side you might realize what you thought was so great aint great at all. so i guess what im trying to say is yes, as bad as it sounds, you should try to date. and idk based on your letter, but if you are your mans “first and only” as well, then trust me, hes feeling JUST as curious as you are, and based on what we all know about men, he’s probably acted out on his curiosity many times. hence the trying to put a ring on it so soon. well, thats my 2 cents, hope it helped
Ha, lol. There are so many 40 something women out here that “just wanted to have fun” and let that great one get away. You’re only twenty-three point taken, however, 23 to maybe 28 is as good as it’s going to get, as far as options, for women to chose a mate. After that, you’re just playing catch up; comparing what was to what is & going around & around in circles making the same mistakes over and over again. I’m not telling you what to do one way or the other. Just stating the facts.
Think about what you’re asking, you’re curious about whether you should leave a loving, committed and honest relationship with a man who adores you??
Believe me, I understand being curious, but it sounds to me that ur just curious about what other men have to offer in the sack, and that alone is not worth leaving ur relationship. It seems that God has blessed you with what so many women wud love to have. If ur not ready to be married, talk to him, let him know you need time to get to know yourself, but dont throw away four years of a good relationship so that u can sew some oats, cuz believe me, the oats that are out here, aint even worth sewing.
You found a good guy. I’d stay put. Whats on the ‘other side’ is a bunch of mistakes and heartache that the enemy is trying to convince you to throw yourself into. I married young…19 and had that itch to be free so I bounced. Three kids and 20 years later, I wonder what life wouldve been like if I’d stayed. I dont regret leaving but that greener lawn turned out to be a bunch of weeds, astro turf and rocks. I had to landscape it like crazy to get the roses I have now. If you are starting with Roses…why leave?
Yeah!! Go ahead and get *****ted out by these thugs and ballas out here, with 4 baby mommas each. Get the clap, or you may even be rewarded with AIDS. Hey sista take a look around, you see all those ***** children running around? Now think of all the unprotected sex that had to go on for them to be here on this earth. Now multiply that by 1 million.
I see this often especially today, what happen to the couple that spent their life together from age 17 till one of them died. I always see this pursuit for more ***** from women, and all they end up with is a disease, ***** children and bitter. Go to any of your neighborhood nightclub and see all the 40 and now 50 year old men and women searching for something that is not there. In there 20’s they wanted to be ‘free and not held back’ now they are pathetic to look at.
I think that what you are talking about is an age old problem. I put it like this, if you curiosity is greater than your comittment to your man or your want to be with your man, then you are going to cheat or be with somebody eventually. It’s just a matter of time before you act on it. I would say if you can get that curiosity under control, the best bet is to not compound the hurting him by cheating. Just break up with him. But if you can control your curiosity, then stay and live you life. Too many women and men kill what could be a beautiful future together to experience what the call “life”…Life isn’t about running around with this one and that one, it’s about being the best human being you can be, and if somebody can help you reach that point and you are happy..then go in with that person and go hard. If not, then leave him alone so somebody else who is qualified can do it. There are plenty of women who are more mature that will be willing to take your place, and fast. I’m just talking from a man’s perspective and experience.
Good Luck
See this is what happens, she got a good man and she still confuse. If you curious go suck a few *****s and hope this man is still around when you finish. She will be one of the women complaing about the shortage of good men 3 kids and no man down the line….that is all
You might think your relationship is forever but don’t be with him for all these years and than he leaves you. Than you’ll be 30 and all your 20’s have p*****ed you by.
The world tries to make it seem like there is only one person in the world for you. But truth be told there are alot of different people you will mesh with. Its a matter of finding them.
I think you should let him go easy and just say you want to date around. Better now than when your 30 or 40. There is nothing wrong with being honest and upfront…don’t lead him on.
Good Luck
The gr***** on the other side has many tumble weeds! But my advice is being 23 you should explore and live life before marriage. Talk to your man. Let him know that you need some self evaluation and time apart before ya’ll make that next step. if he loves you he will do him the time being and allow you to focus on what is needed righ now. Curiosity killed the cat but a closet cat only finds more trouble ahead in time. Jus my opinion
I THINK THAT YOU SHOULD STICK WITH HIM IF YOU REALLY LOVE THEM. TRUST ME THERE ISNT MUCH OUT HERE. THERE ARE GUYS WHO HAVE GIRLFRIENDS, WIVES, AND FIANCE’S AND THEN THEY TRY TO GET YOU ON THE SIDE. IF YOU AND YOUR BOO ARE COMMITTED TO EACH OTHER I THINK YOU SHOULD STAY WITH HIM. THE GR***** IS NOT ALWAYS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE. WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO GET SOME MORE NOTCHES ON YA BELT. TRUST ME ITS NOT WORTH IT THERE ARE MORE FEMALES THAN MALES IN THIS WORLD AND IT IS SCIETIFICALLY PROVEN THAT THERE ARE 7 WOMEN TO EVERY 1 MAN. IF YOU LEAVE HIM OIR CHEAT ON HIM AND HE FINDS OUT YOU ARE GOING TO REGRET IT DONT MAKE THAT MISTAKE BE GLAD,HAPPY,LUCKY, AND BLESSED THAT YOU HAVE SOMEONE WHO LOVES YOU AND IS TREATING YOU RIGHT AND NOT CHEATING ON YOU OR PUTTING THERE HANDS ON YOU. PEACE.
who in the world writes Bossip for advice? get a fiend, hun
friend*
This is what happens to the good guys? Take witness, when you dump his ***** for you selfish ways, you will completely ruin his *****. He will then go on the ruin another GOOD girls heart. its the induction of a good guy turned dog…
You spelled PEEK wrong…
You PEEK into the future or your life PEAKS at age 23.
moron!
Out of all of the answers so far I MUST agree with Mir-Mir. No one can give you the answers but YOU. Everyone has different experiences, what happened to one may not happen to you. YOu have to be honest with yourself first. The curiousity is indeed natural,and it seems that you have just gotten comfortable. Try doing new things together first. Go on a vacation, walk around the house naked,try to instill some spontaneity in your relationship. What you are going through happens in ALL relationships whether your first our your tenth. At the end of the day, you must do what your heart tells you. Examine your reasons for wanting to stay and your reasons for wanting to leave. Dont stay just beause you feel it is the “right” thing to do and end up being miserable and making him miserable at the same time. I believe you always know in your heart if that person is “the one”. If that’s what your heart says then stay and work it out hun. Remember, relationships require work, but usually that work is required within ourselves.
Or you can just go on a vaction far, far, far out of state somewhere, get laid a few times with a few people SAFELY…Return back home fu#k the he11 outta of your man and move forth!
@ You Smell Me
This is what happens to the good guys? Take witness, when you dump his ***** for you selfish ways, you will completely ruin his *****. He will then go on the ruin another GOOD girls heart. its the induction of a good guy turned dog…
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Vice versa with women
I understand that you are young because 23 is still young and at that point I don’t think that really anyone is ready to “settle down” and get married (not now a days) anyway. BUT if you have a good man then I would stay with him. If you did cheat what would you really get out of it? Another d*ick and who said that it would even be worth it? You have to think “what if” Let’s say that you did cheat and the sex was NOT GOOD AT ALL, then you would walk around feeling guilty because you cheated but even more mad because it wasn’t good and it wasn’t worth it! Then, “what if” he found out? You’d feel guilty because you cheated, mad because it wasn’t good, and hurt because he found out,and doesn’t want anything to do with you anymore. And then “what if” you did cheat and the sex was the best you ever had, your boyfriend found out left you and you continue to “have sex” with the new man. The sex between you and the new man is good, but that’s the only thing good about him, because he doesn’t really have a good personalty and you can’t hold a conversation with him because his vocabulary is limited; but I know, it’s okay because he can put it down in the bed… After a while the whole sex thing gets old you have to have something else in common with a person, although some men and women may beg to differ, sex is not the “most important thing”. I’d rather have a man that the sex is good, but treat me like a princess and we have alot in common. Think long and hard before you do anything, because there is ALWAYS another women willing & ready to come and scoop a good man up!
I don’t think so but it can work when you are not being true to yourself and when you have very selfish tendencies…. The gr***** is not greener because the gr***** on the other side still has to be molded as well… Meaning that eventually the other person will want the same kind of things that your former partner wanted because being in a commitment relationship does come with requirements… Another reason why I don’t feel like it will work is because you and your new friend are creating a very bad foundation when creating this new relationship…. And a cruddy person with not goals, character, moral and values will do the same to you as they would do to anything person because those are there bad and negative life habits and patterns… At the end of the day you have attached yourself with a very undisciplined and undeveloped person because anyone with standard would present there form the very beginning and would not enter into any old kind of situation at the end of the day… People who love themselves treat other around them with love and respect…
At the age of 23 I was just starting. I had a strict mother so once I got loose I got loose.Do u feel me. I actually paved the way for my little sister and just like you she is one of the lucky ones to find their mate the first try. So I say to u sweetie when you find someone that is good to you do your best to hold on to them because it’s hard to find someone that will treat you right and not play those games.
But if you still feel like you need to find out for yourself please don’t hurt him. If you love him like you say you do then talk to him. Choose the right words. But I really do think you should try different things like role play. Try out your alter ego. You would never believe how far it will take you. It works because you get to be someone totally different. You get to be someone with a different attitude. That may be the problem. You are just a little bored. You maybe so use to showing him the good and caring side. You have to balance yourself. Try it what do you have to lose? NOTHING. But if you leave your man you will be losing EVERYTHING.
Please take my advice this is from one sister to another. I’ve been there. I kept looking out the window and seeing all the pretty green gr***** and when I walked out the door the gr***** was COLD AND BLACK. Man Up and Work It Out!!!!!
So is he not hittin’ it right? I don’t understand!
You got something most women search their lives for and you’re ready to opt for some searchin’ too?
Believe it or not, a woman’s sexual peak is in her mid 30’s. Enjoy what you have now, cause in 10-15 years, you’ll have all the material things and you’ll be looking for Mr Goodbar.
Trust!
More than age it is about maturity and about you knowing what you are looking for in your partner as well within yourself…
dont be stupid. if you are a black woman with a half ***** good black man, you’d better swoop him up–now–before someone else does. do you really think you have a smorgasbord of black male options out there, black woman. you should be blessed to have a man that is your one and only–for the rest of your life. I am a 50 year old plus, highly professional black woman. i think i can speak from valued experiences. Don’t be stupid!!!
Uhhh, stupid
dont be stupid. if you are a black woman with a half ***** good black man, you’d better swoop him up–now–before someone else does. do you really think you have a smorgasbord of black male options out there, black woman. you should be blessed to have a man that is your one and only–for the rest of your life. I am a 50 year old plus, highly professional black woman. i think i can speak from valued experiences. Don’t be stupid!!!
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Sad but true that this is the same reason why I am working with mine because most people are hurt or plucked up and we all still need love and support… They funny things is when you do right by other people no matter there betrayal against you God will always work it out for your good.. Struggle bring forth character…
Plain and simple…she wants to try new D!CK, just to make sure. Even if her man throws it down, a lot of people, both man and woman always get curious about the next. If your reason for not cheating is because you’re worried about cheating, then you need to step back and think, the want is still there. What if there were no diseases to worry about? Not too many of us good men are out there, so chances are, you leave and try something else, you will be disappointed in the long run. I have to many female friends who date, hold out, then put out and then regret it all because the guy put his best foot forward just to get it. Too much game out here. If you feel like he’s the one, go for it, but apparently he can’t be if you still want to explore.
REVISED – If your reason for not cheating is because you’re worried about diseases
Plain and simple…she wants to try new D!CK, just to make sure. Even if her man throws it down, a lot of people, both man and woman always get curious about the next. If your reason for not cheating is because you’re worried about diseases, then you need to step back and think, the want is still there. What if there were no diseases to worry about? Not too many of us good men are out there, so chances are, you leave and try something else, you will be disappointed in the long run. I have to many female friends who date, hold out, then put out and then regret it all because the guy put his best foot forward just to get it. Too much game out here. If you feel like he’s the one, go for it, but apparently he can’t be if you still want to explore.
dont be stupid. if you are a black woman with a half ***** good black man, you’d better swoop him up–now–before someone else does. do you really think you have a smorgasbord of black male options out there, black woman. you should be blessed to have a man that is your one and only–for the rest of your life. I am a 50 year old plus, highly professional black woman. i think i can speak from valued experiences. Don’t be stupid!!!
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Who is to say he is that one. I mean he sounds like a good man but baby things change. Love and find yourself. if you curious now, you will be curious later and that leads to damage becuase you will lie, sneak and cheat just to satisfy that curiousity. If he ends up later not being that one…Married or not married. At least you won’t feel as if time was wasted becuase you got whatever outta the way first hand. Sow them wild oats now and bliss wait later
They all get tired of your ***** at that age no matter what you do for them. Bottom line….she’s gonna be with someone else and she is gonna end up with someone with issues…..amebody with baby momma drama or something else. I feel for ya shorty…soundslike you got a good man. But you gotta have what you want in a mate and he is obviously not ‘ALL’ you want.
She’d better be ridiculously hot and will stay that way well into her 30s because once you start exploring and get run through by a few hundred dudes, you’ll find no green gr*****, just ice-covered mud. You’ll also have a hard time landing any dude wit his ***** together later in life because we can tell a burnt-up broad almost immediately.
You’ll be wasting time trying to keep your ***** undercover, because eventually, your conversation, demeanor, “sexually liberal sensibility” will all give you away. If you’ve gotten in a bunch of victory laps, we’ll find out. I hope the chick goes for it. Curiosity can never be satiated and it will kill you to sit on your desires.
You’ll eventually stray anyway. Do it sooner than later.
@ The writer of this message
This is why I say you must find the answers for you. Because if you come to a place like this, you will get different responses and every single one of the responses think they have the right solution. When you start trying to look outside yourself for answers your mind will only become more warped. Sit down by yourself and talk to God. Ask Him for guidance and what you shld do. But by the way, I’m speaking from experience myself, I moved in with my ex-boyfriend straight out of highschool. Before I did that my mother said to me “you must be able to pick, choose, and refuse.” I now understand what she meant. If you dont even know who you are yet, then you wont know if he or anybody else is the one for you. Both sides have a point, but it is ultimately up to you to make the best decision for you. Just ask God for the courage and strength to carry out whatever decision you come to. Wish you all the best.
Sooooo let me get this right, you are willing to compromise a perfectly good relationship, that you say is “great just so you can *****!?!? For some new *****?!?! Is that what you’re tellin’ me?
boy, some women… smh…
@ The writer of this message
Remember,you will go through this phase in ANY relationship you get into. It’s about getting past that stage. Every obstacle is an opportunity for you guys to get closer.
@ Alrighty Then
Sooooo let me get this right, you are willing to compromise a perfectly good relationship, that you say is “great just so you can *****!?!? For some new *****?!?! Is that what you’re tellin’ me?
boy, some women… smh…
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Men do it 24/7
I found my “one” at age of 22. I did wonder if the gr***** was greener elwhere, and found two good guys but something was off both times. Maybe cause I kept comparing them with my “one” and they couldnt compare. There are plenty of good guys out there ladies. If you a good girl they tend to find you. Or im just lucky. I am now 25. And lucky for me he took me back cause he understood I wasnt all that experienced and its rather now that i get curious then later with the wrong person or persons (his brother or friend). Think about it
Damn, this ain’t Oprah or Tyra show. This letter is obviously fake. It kills me to see people trying to give advice when you know your *****ty lil life ain’t even almost in order…hahaha!
I think she should try swinging, that way she can get more ***** (or *****, if she’s curious) and keep her man. Just make sure it’s done SAFELY!
1. Sounds like her man is a lot older than 23
2. Someone show her the statistics on HIV & AIDS in the female community – STAT!
like i said: do you really think you have a smorgasbord of black male options out there, black woman. so go sow your wild oats and complain about your lost love and your std’s later.
@ Uhhhh, stupid
Why you on this website? You my momma age.
AND I’M 30!!!!LMAO
This girl needs to stop reading books watching *****os and tv. I have been with my fair share of men and believe me its 70/30 in regards to great sex!
shoot make that 60/40
In my opinion the gr***** will always appear to be greener on the other side. Every single person I know are always complaining about how they wish they could find one good mate while most married people wish they could have their single freedoms back.
In my opinion times have certainly changed and in this day and age marriage doesn’t mean nearly as much as it did to women like it did back in the 60 and even 70s when women truly NEEDED a man. Nowadays women are independent, educated and paid well so marriage is really more of a WANT than a NEED and it seems b/c they just WANT to be married in a lot of cases (like the one above) once a woman finds a good man and fulfills her WANT she starts taking her man for granted in the end. I see too many cases of people (men and women) getting married just to say they are. My philosophy is if you can’t honestly say you NEED this person in your life you need to just holdup on the marriage deal and enjoy each other’s company….what amuses me is I can almost gurantee if she let the guy get away her next letter will be about how she can’t find a good guy and she’s tired of being alone.
drenk is right …made up letter
this website is enjoyed at all age levels. i’ve turned all my professional freinds on to this website. i was introduced to this website from a black female unsurance underwriter (not too many of these in the country) i met during the presidential elections. ya’ll crack us the hell up. my attorney sister loves this website; while her 21 year old daugter dogs us for being bossipers. you never know who’s watchin ya. by the way, i’m the baddest over 50 ***** on the planet (Miss I’m yo Mammas Age!!). i love my golden age. the older i get the better i get. you could’nt pay me to be young again–uh uh….that’s why i like to bossip !!!
The gr***** is greener on the side that I am on.
if he i such a great guy, what makes you think that if you are up front with him and do leave to “explore” some great girl who is ready to appreciate his love won’t come along and take your place???
if the thought of this doesn’t bother you then he may just be a great guy but not the one for you which unfortunately happens sometimes..i say get your own life totally separate from him (while still in the relationship) and observe.. if the other guys still pique your interest after you see what they’re like without getting involved it may be time to reevaluate the relationship…(i’ve done this and the types of guys i thought i was interested in were only interested in one thing and if that one thing is all you’re afraid of missing out on then maybe you dont really love him)
Don’t do it! There’s nothing out here. you aren’t missing a thing. If he is indeed a good dude, then stay with him. That curiosity shyt is going to get you in trouble. Be curious about trying a new dish you’ve never had or going to see that movie that you think looks like it will be good. Let’s not be curious about what’s behind door number 1 and 2. You’re going to get yourself fu**ed that way. Imagine you leave and get with a bumm and the dude you are with now gets with another girl and he ends up marrying her. You’d want to kill yourself. Just leave well enough alone and have a seat.
@ Alrighty then
Why do you and I agree on almost every da** thing?!?!?! I just don’t understand….women say they want a good dude…get one and then say I wonder what else is out there!!! Nothing bytch, nothing! That’s what. If he’s a good dude stay with the one you’re with.
The gr***** is not always greener on the otherside it appears to be, but that’s just the boarders..that gr***** is really brown..girl you got a good man stay with him and trust me it’ll be the best decision you could have made..cuz if you got out on him you’ll bekicking yourself later saying WHY???! You may end up with a big time loser who will treat you just ultra bad and shows no respect for you at all…YOU GOT A GOOD MAN, KEEP HIM! SEX is just that Sex you ain’t missing nothing, trust! and good men now days are very hard to find and come by.
Man some of yall dropped some major science on this question!
This is cl*****ic dumb broad syndrome. Yea she 23, but to most of your points, she will get soiled then try to run back and by then dude, if smart, will have found some young woman WITH sense.
These are the type broads that be tearing up a dudes car and stalking him and his new woman. They get “out there” with their w*****dom, oops, I meant freedom and get used and abused, realize what they had then freaking loose it when they discover the man has moved on.
Just cl*****ic.
There are a whole lot of dumb broads like this and plenty of old dumb broads that are so full of hate for their own messed up cir*****stance, they refuse to tell these younger broads the errors of their ways. And you know most broads REFUSE to listen to good words from a man…So comes as no surprise at the vast number of 40, 50 year old broads who still on struggle without ever having had a man marry them…
Something tells me that she won’t be happy either way…
It’s obvious to the fellas on the blog that you’re wondering if there’s another ***** out there who’s really gonna turn you out. And if we can tell this from a letter on a website, any ***** with game will definitely sense this from you in conversation.
If you leave, you’re gonna get what you’re looking for. The sharks are gonna find you, and you gonna get turned thhe f*ck out. But there’s no going back after that. The “good boys” aren’t gonna want your ***** after you done had it in all 3 holes on the regular.
But you know you want to give in to those darker desires…let it happen, ma.
@ C.R.E.A.M.
LOL!!!! in a crazy way, that makes a lot of sense and you only being real..that is usually what happens! There are plenty of sharks, as you call them, out there just lurking and they can sense your weakness and will pounce on that opportunity and give you what you want and throw you away like a wet piece of used tissue! (applauding you for that one)
Don’t mess around and miss your man.
Can I post?
Dear Bossip and Bossipers,
First off, to Bossip, I like the picture of myself!!!….and thanks for emailing me advising that you’d posted my letter as if I wasn’t on here an hour ago hitting the refresh button like it was going out of style!
Bossipers, I want to thank you all so much for your advice and opinions. I’ve read every comment so far and I haven’t laughed and cried this much since my last Tyler Perry movie! I guess I just needed to write down my thoughts and get them organized because after doing so, I had already made up my mind. Unless he gives me a reason or I have one other than that damn cat killer, I’m going to continue to try my best to make this man the happiest *****er in the world. I had already decided that I’d just disregard the messages that said otherwise and take to heart only the ones that came to my conclusion.
Only w*****s have this type of thinking.Sorry but truth is truth.
i think every relationship goes thru this kind of thing but you have to tell YOURSELF if it would be better to leave or stay. Your life has many paths you could take…choose one and stick with it.
And this is why there are sooooo many Single women out there……crying listening to Keyshia Cole albums
Plain and simple, women don’t know what they want. They always cry bout a good man, yet when they get one, they want to suck other *****s.
It is in a man’s favor to treat a woman like *****….odds are we will attract more women and they will stay with us HANDS DOWN!
But anyway…go ahead a break up wit dude…I CAN’T WAIT to see you in the club so I can exploit that “curiosity”.
lol Dreday, I see we both think the same when it comes to the rules of the game.
“It is in a man’s favor to treat a woman like *****…odds are we will attract more women”
When I was younger, I used to hate that those words were true. Now i’ve learned to embrace and exploit them lol.
My bet is that this broad stays and cheats.
Is she ready to get married??? Seems like they are doing a lot of married activities. Since she is single, she certainly has the right to date other men. Either start marriage counseling and start the process of walking down the aile, or get out and start seeing other men…. since you didn’t “wait” to have a sexual relationship with your boyfriend; why are you “waiting” to see if you want to see other men?? I don’t get it…I think women have the tendency to confuse the word “boyfriend” with husband….
I am 26 and married…stay with your man. Curiosity is evils way of edging in. Just see if your man will try some new things on the romance side and you try some new things too. Get some extra curricular activities too somthing with your man and with out before you know it youlll be so wrapped up you won’t have time for this crap. Diseases are plentiful and good men are not.
Don’t listen to these people. This is the problem with us black women today. So damn quick to be all booed up..thats what most of us are out here thinking about..instead of traveling, trying to find a successful career, doing an amazing internship or something that really defines your 20s…we are out here looking to get married up and have babies young. This why so many of us stay married to men years down the line and we regret the decision we made…so much in damn hurry. enjoy your life…stop worrying about a man..if it’s in God’s plan you will have one!
I know exactly what you are going through. I met my hubby when I was 16 & he was 26. I thought I had landed on a cloud. Here it is 11 years later and I have been through so many different changes within myself. At least your thinking what if now…It didn’t even cross my mind until I was 21 with 1 child and I ended up making a big mistake by cheating.I felt so bad when he found out, but because of our age difference he said he had already prepared for this and was willing to forgive me and give me a second chance if I was down. Of course I was because I saw how hurt he was. he was devastated. So out of guilt I married him not long after that and that is the story of my life. He is a AWESOME husband & father. But I still feel cheated sometimes. Like I still dont know what its like to go out with my girls and stay out until the sun comes up without having to hear him ***** & moan about how I’m disrespecting him & how married women shouldnt hang with single women. I dont know what its like to live alone and not argue over pillows…lol! But at the end of the day I do love him and I know he loves me and I don’t think there is anybody out there that can compare…I have secretly dated other guys and found a few potential replacements, but its nothing like knowing who your with already.So my advice to you would be to talk to your man about it. Let him know how you are feeling before you make the leap. He might have the patience and the love for you to let you go and learn yourself. Yall will both be happier in the end. If you love something let it go if it was meant to be it will comeback to you and its yours forever…
***** SOUNDS CONFUSED.. I THINK SHE NEEDS A MARRIAGE COUNSELOR NOT THE BOSSIP EDITORIAL STAFF CHIMING IN WITH ADVICE..
HEReS MY 2 CENTS.. YOU FEEL LIKE MESSING AROUND, DO YOU JUST DONT GET CAUGHT.. THIS IS SOMETHING YOU GOTTA DEAL BETwEEN DUDE YOU WITH AND GOD..
I am pretty much hearing “forget about your happiness and settle for this guy because there aren’t that many good black men…”
Give me a break. If she stays with him she may just as well say goodbye to her happiness. Men do this ***** all the time…but women can’t do it.
Than y’all are giving HIV/AIDS statistics??? I mean if you *****ing with a trojan its all good girl.
Ive been with my husband since I was 21 and I am 40. Honestly the gr***** is not green on the other side. Looks can be deceiving. If you have love that is true and satisfying, Y would you want to leave it. Don’t allow temptation to ruin your relationship. You can always extend an engagement. But once the relationship is ruin, it will never be the same again. Cherish what you have. You may not ever get it again. Are you willing to risk that?
@ “This is the problem with us black women today. So damn quick to be all booed up..”
Umm no that is not the problem, the problem is jumping from ***** to ***** to ***** every damn weekend so by the time you are 30 you have over 100 notches on your bed post, with 3 ***** children. If you were trying to get “booed up” the marriage rate for black women would be higher.
“thats what most of us are out here thinking about..instead of traveling, trying to find a successful career, doing an amazing internship ”
Who is to say a married woman cannot do this, many of you black woman are on this super independent trip. Everyday I see successful white, hispanic, asian, indian women who travel, get PHd’s, law degrees and..gasp they are married. Why do black women feel a black man cannot be a part of that process.
“something that really defines your 20s…”
Like what? Outside of inventing something as big as the internet, curing AIDS, or solving unsolved mathematical problems the average woman or man in their 20s ain’t doing ***** but drinking and fuching in the club. Yeah she will be defined a done and ran through by the time she is in her 20’s. Just want you to know that most guys do not want to marry a woman that has over 200 sexual partners, 95% of them she met 18 hours before and didn’t even know their legal name. It’s not misogynistic it is the truth.
I am married and have been for 10 years. I got married at 19 and the reason why is because I knew I had found the one for me. He treats me like a queen and protects me and is a great father to his kids. He has a good job and it helps that he is fine too! Of course I have wondered what it would have been like if I was with another, but then I begin to realize it can’t get any better. I say stick with your man and stay faithful and prayerful. God bless.
ensiteful…Preach!!!
@ fake girl asking Bossip for advice,
leave his *****, go out there and test the waters for other *****s, have your fun, ***** whoever you want, find out the truth about your new ***** but only after youre pregnant, cry your eyes out thinkin’ “what the ***** did i just do?” try and get your “real” man back, dont become violent once he laughs in your face and introduces you to his finer, younger, slimmer fiancee with real hair and an education and better job than you have.
Definetely dont keep drivin’ by his new house, yanno the one he was gonna surprise your dumb ***** with after marraige.
6am, here to give advice to dumb ho’s
Hope that helped!
Don’t become a dumb broad, Curiosity is natural, the choice is yours if to stay or venture out, but heed my advise, if u venture out, don’t cheat breakup w/ homeboy the correct way in advance. And I am not saying to breakup w/ him after you found a potential man, no do it once you decide that is the path you want to take. So he is able to explore too, dont be selfish, because once u realize the mistake, the odds of you having him back is greater.
Base on my personal experience this is what will happen if you cheat, first you might actually like boyfriend#2 but you are not seeing this person as the true 100% person that they is, that will keep your mind in the fog, eventually your main boyfriend the good guy will find out, it will break his heart, now look what u did, a good man is now a dog he will never ever change,you will look to boyfriend#2 but guess what ur going to see the true 100% of that person rather than the part time that you had, and then your going to realize he definitely not the one, your going to try to get back what u had from the beginning but guess, he is never ever going to look at u the same, yeah he might f*** you but trust me your nothing but a tool to him for the rest of your life together.
So their you have it, from a former “Good Guy”. Wish my GF wasnt a dumb broad, maybe I would of still been a Good Guy but really why should I, cause being like all the no good fellas out their is comes w/ the benifits rather than getting f*** over with nothing to show.
memoir of a former “Good Guy”
be a dumb hoe fro 2009,
all your going to do is regret what u did, wish u had the good dude back, and that is creation of a DOG basically a guy who dont give a f**k, and it amuses me how many women complain their isnt any good black men out their because dumb broads corrupt them. Women if happen to get a good man keep him cause that is the equal of having a virgin female over the age of 18 rare, very rare
At this point you’ve already received good advice however, it would be best to get to know what you’d rather own in your future. A marraige, kids, businesses, education and so much more could be a part of your future but you have to recognize that on your own. After you do your own research on what you personally desire than try being specific. If he isn’t the man for you than it’s more than OK to exit before considering cheating.
If you are willing to give up 80% of what makes you happy to explore 20% by all means explore. But don’t think you will be able to recapture what you’ve lost for TRUST is the true foundation of EVERY relationship.
Like someone said earlier, the gr***** may be greener on the other side but yours would be green as well if you took the time to water it.
You’re dumb. If you’re weighing out the pros and cons of cheating on a good man, you clearly have no sense. All these hungry women out there looking for a good man and you’re debating on leaving one just for the heck of it? Why do you think every other article and bestselling book is about how to meet/date/marry the right one? Because it takes work! Stop being immature and either leave him if you’re not 100% sure he’s the one or throw him back and let him find the one. If you cheat, we’ll have one more bitter brother in the world and one more ho.
Listen at some of these comments, and wonder if you really want to listen to this group of losers
“Keep him now because you’ll never do any better”
“All men are pigs, keep this one while you’ve got him”
These are the thoughts of bitter, self pitying, desperate individuals, and unless you want to end up like them, think before you take their advice. I can GUARANTEE if you were a dude asking this question most of the responses would be “Go! Explore your options now, youre still young, and you don’t wanna make any mistakes that end in you losing half your *****”. And they wonder why the genders can’t get along.
Everyone who says “Find yourself first” and “Talk to your man” are the only ones worth listening to. You have to understand how you view men, and what role you want them to play in your life. And also ask your man what he expects of you.
But more importantly, Know You. Most people expect to find completeness through another person, and IMO, this is a pathetic way to live your life, but people do it every day, with varying results.
i was in a very similar situation. When i was 19, i met my first lover and the only man that i’ve ever been in love with. That man gave me all of that he could of himself and loved me like i was the only woman on Earth, but after a couple of years together I decided to cheat out of curiosity. He found out, and was completely crushed!!! I thought he would leave me, but he stayed with me for a couple more years. As an act of revenge he ended up cheating on me. In the end, the pain we had both inflicted on each other no longer allowed us to be together, so we let each other go. it’s been a couple years since, and i’ve met some good men, but not anything that will ever compare to my first… so i say don’t do it!!!!!! You’ll regret it later, i PROMISE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
@Ree
MAYBE if you read correctly SHE IS ONLY 23… and been with the same guy for 4 yeas… with that said… I was WAS lol. In a relationship for 5 years and im 22… You get so caught up in that on man that you feel as though theres *****ody better, or no one can touch me like he does, or make me feel this good, or his kisses, hugs, whatever are the best! LIES lol… My next boyfriend was 10X better, and made it his business to make me feel like a Queen! I say Go For It. You don’t want to always have to wonder what else is out there…
Dizzy Guy you have to be the dumbest **********a on this site. *****ODY on this planet should take any of the advice you have to give on a damn thing !
Lil young 23yr old breezy only had one ***** to this date, and she is “ready!” Plain, and simple, the right game will pound her real quick.
If it hasnt already! Cuz thats all it is, judging by what I’ve read…and its natural life though.
She’s a youngin, and by her probably being horny, and definitely curious all the time, she knows( maybe she dont though) when she goes out it can be a potential flash flood between her legs if she comes across a man like me. Curiosity will get that moistened kat smaaashed everytime!
gurll, just send him to me, I’ll put him on lay-away for you.
Not particularly greeenr per say…….just more weeeds
Where is your mother or aunties? Some mature, intelligent female in your family should be pulling your coat on this. That being said, good sex, rich men, and sugar daddies are EASY to come by. If you dump this man (and he sounds like a keeper) you are opening yourself up to a life time of spinning your wheels and when you finally find somebody you think is “worth keeping” he most likely will not want you because he will easily see through your shallow ways. Harsh I know but true. The good ones are always taken because they value themselves for being men of character and they don’t go around bed hopping to find “the one”. These men know what they want and when they find it they put a ring on it! You sound like your not ready for a man like that and I almost hope you let him go so a sister like me who’s mature enough to handle a real man can have him…oops, I’m already married because I was lucky enough to be taught at a young age that it is an honor for a man to call you his wife but you get my point. On the real though, be honest with him about how you feel (if you’re mature enough to handle that) and let him decide how he wants to handle it. A little honesty on your part could save both of you some misery in the future…you avoid marrying the wrong guy and he avoids marrying a weak minded, horny-*****, selfish, immature hizzoe! God help that poor man of yours.
I was in your shoes. I married at 18. My husband was my 1st. After 7yrs of marriage I got the “itch” & cheated. He found out & now he hates me. I am currently going thru a divorce.
The guy I cheated with now has a girlfriend (who he met while I was trying to work on my marriage & who he would rub in my face) who he lives with.
I am by myself now. Hubby is gone, ex-lover is gone. I am surprised I am not in the Crazy Bin. Only b/c of the grace of God.
THE GR***** IS NOT GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE!! I hate having to date now. Most guys just want to f*ck. And, it is ALOT of game playing involved.
Keep your good man. You are one of the lucky ones that found your soulmate early. I could tell you horror stories of my own experiences trying to date & my sisters & my friends. Keep your good man & hold on to him tight. There are THOUSANDS of women who would love to be in your place.
Curiosity will get your CAT killed literally. HIV, chlamydia, gonorrhea, emotional abuse, physical abuse. It ain’t worth it. TRUST!!
Marriage is OVERRATED and OBSOLETE. I say go out and get ur backs chopped up good. Everybody’s doing it. Have fun and satisfy your need to know if you can get better. It’s a gamble just like winning money at a casino. You never want to put the dice down on a winning streak because you feel it can get better if u gamble again. Just remember a bird in one hand beats two in a bush. In the end you’ll mostly end up like EVERYONE who indulges in this kind of lifestyle. Somebody’s short term sex toy never to be taken seriously or simply considered a jump off although you may not see it that way. A lifetime of being used by losers who make a sport out of toying with your mind and chocolate box.