Dear Bossip: I Didn’t Know He’s Married!

Dear Bossip,

I visit your website everyday and love your “Sextra” articles, I look for them relentlessly. Recently, I’ve noticed that people have been emailing their love issues. I was looking over one not too long ago and some of the comments were completely cruel and mean-spirited. On the other hand, I could see how they are sobering and, overall a good reality check for someone who can’t make sense of their situations from the inside. With that being said, I have a situation that I would like to share and hopefully gain some perspective. I was hooked up with a guy by a co-worker and at first I dodged him for weeks. He really wasn’t the kind of guy that I would date, but he was very persistent and I thought I’d give him a shot since the other guys I had been dating weren’t the greatest either. So in other words, it was time for a change and I gave in to his pursuits. With time he grew on me and I actually fell for him. I ended up caring for this man in a way that I never thought was possible. He was consistent, reliable, sweet and a great lover. Throughout  the time we saw each other (about 6 months) I would jokingly ask him what was wrong with him because everything was too perfect. I also know that if it’s too good to be true chances are it is. To make a long story short, he confessed to me that he’s still married but separated, when I was under the impression he was years divorced. He has his own place and his children have their rooms and toys so it appeared to be legit. But he says the reason why he didn’t tell me is because when my co-worker introduced us he “mistakenly” told me he was divorced, and he didn’t know how to correct his friend’s sketchy details  because he didn’t think he would fall so hard for me. I haven’t seen him since he told me but I really want to. I just don’t know what to do because while I’m angry at him for lying to me, I still care for him and want to see him. The bottom line is he is still married and I would be willingly, putting myself in a very vulnerable position if I continue to see him. Not to mention I’ve been his mistress for months. Who’s to say, him and his wife won’t reconcile? It’s been almost three weeks and I haven’t returned his calls. What should I do? I feel betrayed and confused.

This is tough because you both seem to have feelings for each other and have grown to crave each other’s company. The fact remains, he lied to you about being divorced. What does this mean? Is he working towards divorce or are they simply separated? I’m sure you’ve asked these questions. If so, were you comfortable with his answers? Did you feel like he answered you honestly or did it seem like he was lying? You would be the best judge of this.

The part that is most unfair is that he waited six months to tell you that he’s been lying about his marital status. This is something that should have been disclosed from the beginning so you could decide whether this is something that you want to invest your time and emotions in. He robbed you of your power to choose, which speaks volumes about his character.

On the flip side, he may have genuinely been scared to tell you. This is, by far, not the most mannish excuse, but they fall weak too sometimes. If he’s just beginning to date again since his separation, chances are he just doesn’t know what to do and how to do it as it relates to dating, and his feelings for you are probably genuine. The basic rules of dating are, you must be an available candidate! He knows this and should’ve told you sooner. He is wrong for that, but take your time and really decide, first, if you can trust him and ultimately do you want to continue to see him. Is it worth your time?

Bossip readers, what do you guys think? Remember to e-mail your topic suggestions, feedback and questions to loveandrelationships@bossip.com!