Good day, Bossip crew! We have a tricky situation that needs addressing! Take a look and leave your feedback in the thread!
Dear Bossip,
I need your advice. I met this guy at work about 2+ years ago. We exchanged numbers a became pretty good friends. Over the past years I’ve caught very STRONG feelings for this guy but I’m not sure if he feels the same. I constantly think about him 24/7 & I can’t get him out of my head, he seems to be the perfect guy. He asked me to the movies one night & made sure I had the money to pay for my own ticket. I felt like I was on cloud 9 just being with him alone that night. I’ve been to his house late at night & we feel asleep on the couch together and again I felt like I was on cloud 9. He has even mentioned us going to the beach & going out sometime but we never endup doing anything. He’s done and said a few things that makes me think that he may like me but I may be “wishful thinking’, tell me what you think. He’s suppose to be single but seems to be “good friends” with his ex-girlfriend. I bumped into them at a restaurant one evening and he introduced me as his ‘best friend” when that’s not the case. The way he did it was like he was tryna hide something. He seemed very nervous & felt that he was caught cheating & we have a platonic relationship. Do you think that was necessary? When we talk on the phone (which is not very often by the way) he asks about my relationships “so are you still with your boyfriend’ and things like that. I’m afraid to express my true feelings because I’m afraid of rejection. What should I do?
This sounds like love in the making! Tell him how you feel! You have nothing to lose and everything to gain! Rejection is a possibility whenever you pour your heart out, however, living the rest of your life wondering what would have happened if you had just told him is worse. Sometimes you have to put yourself out there. He sounds like a nice guy who wouldn’t go out of his way to be cold-hearted if you were to tell him how you feel.
The hardest part of it is, you two work together. So if he doesn’t feel the same way, you still have to see him everyday. Prepare yourself for the best and worst case scenario. But also think about whether you can handle the situation well enough that it won’t affect your job performance before you make any moves. But if you decide to, choose your time wisely – maybe a holiday weekend.
The only concern is the ex. While it is possible for people who have once dated to be friends afterwards, it can become a problem for someone else, like yourself, who ends up dating him later. Naturally, there’s a comfort zone with someone you’ve once spent so much time with, and that maybe the case with him and his ex. So since you guys talk so much and he asks you about your relationships, ask him about her before you go singing your heart song to him … preface your conversation with a “so, out of curiosity tell me about your last relationship. Why did it end? Do you still have feelings for her?” And from there you should be able to gauge if it would be wise to share your feelings.
Hope this helps! What do you think she should do, Bossip readers? Remember to e-mail all topic suggestions, feedback and questions to loveandrelationships@bossip.com!
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501
Aries_Blu 11/25/09, 10:25:AM
This person needs to be upfront with that guy, and ask him where he thinks their relationship status is.
This some Shhh.... 11/25/09, 10:26:AM
Sounds more like a confused trick.
say-it-loud! 11/25/09, 10:27:AM
here we go with the perfect guy nonsense. this is how folks get in trouble. there is no such thing as perfect. it is relative. perfect is nothing more than one’s realistic as well as unrealistic expectations of another person.
we get in trouble when after we finally get with mr. and ms. perfect, we are unable to reconcile are differences of what it means to be perfect.
i’m just saying…
KeepNit2Real 11/25/09, 10:28:AM
I was feeling my co-worker once….
but when I realized she was spoken for, I just slid back and realized we’d always be cool. It’s no need for anyone to beat themselves trying to figure out if this is going to work or not, blah, blah, blah.
Just see what’s up, and move on based on what they tell you. It isn’t that hard…but some people make it harder on themselves by playing the pity game shant they get what they want out of a situation.
Nique 11/25/09, 10:31:AM
Where are they working at-Chuck e Chesse?? This doesnt sound like a grown woman…
You’ve already been out with him, spent the night at his house-so whats the problem?? That should be a walk in the park for you to tell him how you feel.
If you both claim y’all are “best friends” then you 2 should be able to be upfront and honest about everything. Ask ol boy whats up with his ex.
NEXT—->
KeepNit2Real 11/25/09, 10:35:AM
Tell em Nique!!!
Choco 11/25/09, 10:36:AM
I think she is easily moved by nice gestures-I also think she should read between the lines before pouring her heart out-if dude was truly feeling you he wouldn’t waste time in telling you that the fact that he hasn’t says more than enough…and someone said it best there is no such thing as perfect-And WTF he made sure you had money to buy your own ticket-he didn’t just purchase the ticket for you—girl sound like you need a swift kick in the a-z-z in order to wake you up…
Choco 11/25/09, 10:39:AM
For real she is thinking wishful cuz no man waits to let a woman know how he feels when she is obviously making herself available and damn shorty get your house in order first-if you really already have a man! GTFOH with that high school shat!
tina 11/25/09, 10:40:AM
It sounds like this guy is playing games and grown people never should. I don’t think she should put herself out there. I believe in a man pursuing a woman. If he is feeling you then he should make it plain.If he does like you romantically and is not bold enough to let you know then this does not bode well for your potential future together. Men need to step up to the plate. You also need to make sure that this is worth potentially feeling uncomfortable at work if things do not work out.
Bg(aka...Chef-boy-r-BG) 11/25/09, 10:40:AM
If you really care give him some dome under his desk!
Bg(aka...Chef-boy-r-BG) 11/25/09, 10:41:AM
Him may be downstairs!!! LOL
rum&indigo 11/25/09, 10:45:AM
guys that want you dont give you mixed feelings… he is still with his ex. wait until he comes at you and in the meantime live your life. stop thinking about him all the time… desperate much…?
Choco 11/25/09, 10:47:AM
LOL at BG
Redd Tony 11/25/09, 10:53:AM
Dont take him seriously. Work “love” doesnt normally work out in my opinion. Only people I know that have met and openly dated and married their coworkers is white people. lol
heygurrl! 11/25/09, 10:54:AM
desperate much…?
****************************
@Rum & Indigo
LOL. Hilarious!!!!
B3 Fearless 11/25/09, 10:57:AM
I’m with rum&indigo SINGLE guys who want you don’t give you mixed signals and you two have been friends for over 2 years so you should be comfortable enough to speak feely with each other! Therefore he would have clearly let you know by now if he had those feelings toward you. And the fact that he “mentions” going out but hardly ever follows through really shows you are in the friend zone boo. If he wanted to go on a date with you it would have happened by now.
heygurrl! 11/25/09, 10:59:AM
I say, tell him ur feelings, because he has already shown u, that he is not feeling you!!
Bg(aka...Chef-boy-r-BG) 11/25/09, 11:00:AM
*Unrelated*
I happened to watch the finale of dancing with the stars last nite. Is it me or did Whitney seem a lil out of it?
heygurrl! 11/25/09, 11:00:AM
i meant DONT tell him ur feelings, and move on. Gonna have to just take this one for the team!
MoniSings 11/25/09, 11:08:AM
Nique
Where are they working at-Chuck e Chesse?? This doesnt sound like a grown woman…
You’ve already been out with him, spent the night at his house-so whats the problem?? That should be a walk in the park for you to tell him how you feel.
If you both claim y’all are “best friends” then you 2 should be able to be upfront and honest about everything. Ask ol boy whats up with his ex.
NEXT—->
——————————————-
LOL @ Chuck E. Cheese!
Redd Tony 11/25/09, 11:09:AM
@BG
Dancing with the stars BG? LOL
Sike nah man Whitney just aint the same period..
Bg(aka...Chef-boy-r-BG) 11/25/09, 11:11:AM
Maybe homegirl is beat and don’t know it!
Bg(aka...Chef-boy-r-BG) 11/25/09, 11:13:AM
@BG
Dancing with the stars BG? LOL
Sike nah man Whitney just aint the same period..
________________________________________
I know I know….
Yeah she was just standing there and hitting the high notes are a thing of the past for her now. I hate to say it but she may have took a bump!
heygurrl! 11/25/09, 11:14:AM
Where is everybody at?
Bg(aka...Chef-boy-r-BG) 11/25/09, 11:15:AM
Where is everybody at?
_________________________
I’m here if that makes you feel better
Ms.EJ 11/25/09, 11:18:AM
Goodmorning and HAPPY THANKSGIVING BOSSIP PEOPLE!
(I know its tomorrow)
@CHOCO, BG, REDD TONY- *waves hello*
I remember not wanting to date someone who went to the same school as me, because if it ended and ended it badly I do not want to see that person, therefore I definitely would advise against anyone dating their co-worker(s) especially if the other is popular or has pull within the job. Not all relationships end on a good note and that would create and cause a hostile enviorment if one can not move on. Clearly, more is going on between him and his ex as well. IMO.
heygurrl! 11/25/09, 11:18:AM
@BG
it does!! Happy Pre-Thanksgiving
Lady Architect (Simply Priceless) 11/25/09, 11:21:AM
Hey People,
Ok I’m thinking this guy may like her but not in the way she likes him…She’s way too far ahead of him in attraction stages. Of course he will introduce you as a friend since you are not his girl…Atleast she got “best friend”…lol
Ms.EJ 11/25/09, 11:21:AM
@NIQUE- Hey girl and I agree with your comment they should be able to talk, but I kid you not I have heard of plenty of grown folks who play the HS or elementary liking game almost the check the box no or yes if you like me. Folks are too old for that mess. Now, I am old school I do not pursue ANY man my father always told me the man will puruse and pick me, maybe she is afraid to ask him either way if they are bestfriends like you stated in should be a little bit easier.
Ms.EJ 11/25/09, 11:22:AM
@LADY A- Hey Ms. Lady
Lady Architect (Simply Priceless) 11/25/09, 11:23:AM
Smh@ bossip and their bad advice…Por out your love for a guy that’s showing signs of not even being close to the same way she feels…I’d say put him on friendship back burner and keep dating until he comes around
Aunt Viv 11/25/09, 11:24:AM
If y’all were so tight, there would be no need to be nervous about talking about anything. That man is taken, so leave him alone. Besides, office relationships can be tricky.
Good morning Bossipers!
Lady Architect (Simply Priceless) 11/25/09, 11:25:AM
Ms.EJ
@LADY A- Hey Ms. Lady
Hey there!…I’ve never dated a guy I went to school with either..since thhey were always older…my first bf was done with highschool..smh
DAYWALKER( MR INTENSITY!!!!) 11/25/09, 11:25:AM
OKAY…TIME FOR SOME TOUGH LOVE HERE:
1) This nigga don’t want your azz!! What nigga gon wait 2 years for some azz??? And mostly, it’s your own damn fault!!! Here, lemme ask a few questions:
Did you offer this n*ggah some brain???
Did you specifically tell this cat you wanted to F*ck him???
Does this n*ggah answer questions with 2 snaps in “Z” formation???
When you bend down does he look down your blouse??
When you walk away, does he check out your azz???
2) Women like you kill me with all that “I’m a good girl” crap when you want the high hard one just as much as we wanna give it to you!!! For Pete’s sake learn to let a brother know, because most of the time, we suck at reading minds!!!
3) The perfect guy??? GTFOH!! NO ONE IS PERFECT!!! Not even me,(But I come close…
) By putting this guy on a pedestal, you might be missing out on 6 other guys who wanna tap that!! Quit being so damn picky!! Beggars don’t get to be choosers!!!
4) This guy obviously still likes his ex, and you end up looking like a 3rd wheel every time you show up… Your stalkerish behavior makes you look even more desperate!! If you wanna see just how much dude likes you, try “Not” calling him till he calls you!! And when he does, “Be busy!” I do it to girls all the time, and trust me it works!! Sometimes, me and my boys are playing PS3 and I’m not even doing anything, but whoever’s calling doesn’t need to know that!! And for the love of Pete, Never have a conversation that lasts longer than 3 minutes!! How can the person “miss” you if you are constantly in their face??? Remember, Absence makes the heart grow fonder, not the other way around!!!
5) You guys work together: This is a red flag from the jump!! This guy may actually want to smash, but he doesn’t wanna end up jobless in the process!! You need to give him the option of hiting that azz, yet not trying to eff his career if things go south!! You know how women can be…Which is all the more reason to find another dude!! You’re so hung up on MR.PERFECT that you ain’t giving nobody else any play…And even worse yet, He really ain’t biting any of your bait…..
6) And no matter what you do, don’t EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER take any advice from BOSSIP’s STAFF!!! Them walking Yeast infections couldn’t get a dude if they had a damn net, 6 tranquilizer guns and a roll of duct tape!!
Bg(aka...Chef-boy-r-BG) 11/25/09, 11:26:AM
A man confronted by 2 women that don’t know each other will always act in a nervous manner. Don’t read into that! It’s natural!
The sleeping on the couch and no action however disturbs me. A woman can’t even be under the same roof with me without being propositioned at least 10 times that night
Ms.EJ 11/25/09, 11:28:AM
@LADY A- Yeah, I was 18 and my boyfriend was 25. I forgot you and I both dig older men
@DAYWALKER-*waves* Hey how are you?
DAYWALKER( MR INTENSITY!!!!) 11/25/09, 11:29:AM
Ummm…Was that just a little too much, guys???
Lady Architect (Simply Priceless) 11/25/09, 11:30:AM
Lmaooooo Daywalker….so true
This guy don’t want her like that…I’d say treat him the same way…I’d put him into the jump off status category.
Lady Architect (Simply Priceless) 11/25/09, 11:31:AM
lmao@BG
Ms.EJ
@LADY A- Yeah, I was 18 and my boyfriend was 25. I forgot you and I both dig older men
I was 14 and my first bf was 18…yes we both dig the older guys
Bg(aka...Chef-boy-r-BG) 11/25/09, 11:32:AM
Hey Lady A!
Who’s that lady (who’s that lady)
Beautiful lady (who’s that lady)
Lovely lady (who’s that lady)
Real fine lady (who’s that lady)
Hear me callin’ out to you
‘Cause it’s all that I can do
Your eyes tell me to pursue
But you say look yeah, but don’t touch, baby
nah, nah, nah don’t touch
Redd Tony 11/25/09, 11:32:AM
Good morning Miss EJ, Lady A, Aunt Viv, Daywalker etc
Bg(aka...Chef-boy-r-BG) 11/25/09, 11:33:AM
Ms EJ
Whats good!
Lady Architect (Simply Priceless) 11/25/09, 11:34:AM
Bg(aka…Chef-boy-r-BG)
Hey Lady A!
Who’s that lady (who’s that lady)
Beautiful lady (who’s that lady)
Lovely lady (who’s that lady)
Real fine lady (who’s that lady)
Hear me callin’ out to you
‘Cause it’s all that I can do
Your eyes tell me to pursue
But you say look yeah, but don’t touch, baby
nah, nah, nah don’t touch
*sways hips* to the lovely chosen tunes
Redd Tony 11/25/09, 11:34:AM
@BG
“A man confronted by 2 women that don’t know each other will always act in a nervous manner”
————-
True dat!
DAYWALKER( MR INTENSITY!!!!) 11/25/09, 11:34:AM
Bg(aka…Chef-boy-r-BG)
A man confronted by 2 women that don’t know each other will always act in a nervous manner. Don’t read into that! It’s natural!
The sleeping on the couch and no action however disturbs me. A woman can’t even be under the same roof with me without being propositioned at least 10 times that night
___________________________________________________
he don’t want “Sugar Walls”, he’d rather have the balls, my n*ggah!!! And even if it was 2 females there, ya set one of em up for later!! Don’t they teach that these days????
___________________________________________________
Ms.EJ
@LADY A- Yeah, I was 18 and my boyfriend was 25. I forgot you and I both dig older men
@DAYWALKER-*waves* Hey how are you?
___________________________________________________
Getting ready to get dressed and ride over to this girl’s house for Thanksgiving dinner, hun!!
Everything good in your neck of the woods???
Lady Architect (Simply Priceless) 11/25/09, 11:35:AM
Hey Red Tony…I was in your area last weekend
heygurrl! 11/25/09, 11:35:AM
She is a little desperate, if u ask me
it's Me 11/25/09, 11:35:AM
whatever. just keep it as it is, ya’ll screw whenever you all get a chance and leave it at that. Remember you never eat where you crap. I been there and boy can it get UGLY….
Ms.EJ 11/25/09, 11:36:AM
@LADY A- Girl I was not allowed to date until I was 16 and parents made sure of that LOL. I don’t know about 14 and 18 did your parents know? if so how did they feel about that? also I take it that you were very mature for your age.
DAYWALKER( MR INTENSITY!!!!) 11/25/09, 11:37:AM
Well, that, and to watch the “Motor City Kitties” get roasted!! LOL!!!