Hi Bossip, first I want to say I am such a huge fan of your site and keep up the good work. I am also in need of advice, ASAP. I am desperate, and don’t know what else to do.
I was farely young when I met my husband of now 5 yrs. We have a beautiful daughter who is almost 4. When I first met him, of course it was PERFECT, everything I ever wanted in a man. Nice job, good head on his shoulders, Christian man, very good looking and treated me like the queen of the world. Couldn’t of asked for anything better. He immediately told me he had two sons, and that the relationship with the baby mother has been over, a little over 3 yrs because of her lying ways, cheating, etc. I didn’t mind the kids, I was in love; anything that had to do with him, I accepted. I accepted his boys, I also even started to love them and helped him with the Christmas shopping for them, birthdays, school clothes etc. The mother never knew of me, I made sure to keep it that way because I didn’t want any problems and of course, I was 18. I didn’t know if I was ready for a commitment, I didn’t know if I was ready for marriage. I just wanted everything to come into place. The mother of the boys was very revengeful with my husband, didn’t allow him to see the kids, kept the boys away from him, and hurt him in so many ways that I didn’t know why she would do that. I brushed it off.
Our relationship grew, and of course, an UNEXPECTED pleasant surprise came into our lives. I became pregnant without planning it. We were scared but ready for what the Lord had put in our laps. I then decided to tell my husband that it was time I met his kids, and for him to also let the mother of his kids know that they were going to be big brothers. I thought everything was going perfect, but I was fooling myself, it was the beginning of what I still call a NIGHTMARE! As soon as my husband let her know, so that she and him could both sit down and talk to their kids about my pregnancy, the woman became enraged. The very same woman who wouldn’t allow him to see his kids for weeks and weeks at a time, was now dropping off the kids EVERYDAY (we didn’t live together yet), then she would tell my husband “I don’t want my kids to meet your new girlfriend.” So he was forced not to introduce me to his kids. She would show up at his house unexpected, call everyday and e-mail him constant love letters that they needed to get back together so they can have their “family” back. I was appalled. How can a woman, who cheated, who lied to him, who wasn’t there for him all of a sudden try to get back with him now that I am pregnant? The woman started stalking me, calling my phone private, driving by my house. It was hell Bossip. My daughter then was born, of course in the midst of all this drama and my husband trying to calm the woman down. He couldn’t control her. She was insane. I had to put her in jail, and a restraining order was placed on her. FOUR YEARS later, my daughter still doesn’t know her older brothers because this woman WOULD NOT ALLOW THE KIDS to meet our daughter, and I am still enduring this hell. I don’t know what else to do Bossip readers. I love my husband to death, and I married him because I am truly in love. But this woman is out of control, needs psychological help and I need my sanity back. Everywhere I go, I have to look over my shoulders because I am afraid she’s following me and trying to make false police reports on me. I am in need of advice immediately. Is love truly enough to keep fighting for my marriage? I truly just want out, and if she wants him that bad and wants me out the picture so bad, I am willing to do so. I need to protect my daughter and her safety. I just want my normal life back. Drama free, and peace. Should I leave the man of my dreams and husband because of this woman? My husband and I have tried ignoring her and not pay her any mind at her crazy antics, but it’s 5 years later and it won’t stop. Please help.
Okay, this is not your battle to fight. This is something your husband is going to have to man up and manage, period. You were fully aware of his ex’s antics before you took the plunge, so why is this a problem now one might ask. His relationship with his sons requires them to have to communicate. It should have been smoothed over before you dove into a relationship with him of any kind. Okay, so you were young and love is blind; however, now that you’re a mother and a wife, it sounds like you now realize the severity of your husband’s last relationship in which they share two children. Now that his lack of leadership has gone awry, it’s ultimately affecting your marriage. It is his duty as a man, husband and father to make sure that you, his wife, and child are free from harm! Don’t think for a second that he’s powerless in this situation! He can turn this whole thing around if he masters communication with his children’s mother. If it means he has to go to family court to get more time with his kids, that’s what he’ll have to do, but you have to allow him the leeway to do what he has to do to make this right.
No man, or woman for that matter, can move into another relationship and expect for it to work when their previous one is messy, especially when there are kids involved. This should have been more than smoothed over before you took your marriage vows. In fact, a healthy relationship with his ex and the boys should have been a prerequisite before you walked down the aisle. If he really wanted to make it work with you, he would have been more than willing to do so. Hindsight is 20/20, but you’re five years and a daughter deep into this marriage, you don’t feel safe, and you’re fearing the safety of your daughter! If you really believe that this woman has it in her to physically harm you or your little girl, then yes, you should absolutely leave and tell your husband to join you once he puts an end to the madness. Given the sensitivity of this matter, having had this woman put in jail, restraining orders and the like, it’s difficult to foreshadow a peaceful relationship between the two of you any time soon, but with time it could work. Your husband has to man up and take control of this situation ASAP!
What are your thoughts Bossip readers? Remember to e-mail topic suggestions, feedback and questions to loveandrelationships@bossip.com!
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