First!

Sadly, this thread is probably going to stary empty. SMH.

TYPO: “stay”

It’s all about the body to me. You can see the last scene of Love & Basketball on BlackStar69.com. What a wonderful scene.

haha woman in a hoopty…i kind of respect that!

I’m completely attracted to a smart woman. I love a smart woman. If she likes to read books then it’ll enhance our conversation … it’ll never become stale. I love a woman who likes to learn new things and has an opinion about everything. She can say, “hey, you know what I read today ….” and it’ll open up a whole new realm of communication. I love a woman with a heightened sense of intelligence. I like to go to a girl’s house and she’s got a countless amount of books on a variety of subjects and she’s got a quirkyness about her. This says she’s willing to try and learn new things. So one that’s not quick to spat ignorance, she’ll read up, you know. I like an interesting woman. – Marcus, 27

A natural woman is one after my heart. I like a woman who is comfortable being herself without caked on make-up, fake hair and nails. I love a woman who doesn’t have to make a production out of going to the grocery store or Blockbuster with her weave rituals. I like a chick who can throw her hair up in a ponytail and leave the house with no make-up and still look good. A natural woman, to me, is okay with being herself and I don’t have to peel through the layers, literally, to get to the crust of her. – Jonathan, 30

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That’s the one right there! These two defs rolled up into one.

Its not too many dudes that’ll turn down a woman like this….well, guys that are smart enough to know what a good woman REALLY is.

It was interesting to hear what these guys liked in a woman all very different!

@keino

you see Nicky Minaj? Show me where she is and I’m running the OPPOSITE direction!

The list was whack!

What about the feel and warmth of a womans’ body??

A woman who knows her way around the kitchen?

WTF is the one about the car??!

rotflmao @ “weave rituals”

@Nique

“The list was whack!

What about the feel and warmth of a womans’ body??

A woman who knows her way around the kitchen?

WTF is the one about the car??!”

——————————————

I’m pretty sure you aren’t a man with the name Nique, so I’m guessing you don’t understand what a man likes in a woman in a squader. It’s just one of those things that shows confidence and it just makes her stand out more. Your attention is stuck on her and not the things she has. In most cases, it shows that she doesn’t need extra material stuff to make her stand out.

I have been here thinking and the only thing I can come up with is:

Because a woman haa a V.A.G.I.N.A

All the rest of that nonsense, I do not appreciate.

ROFLMAO@Reality Check!

LMAO about the one in an ugly car! I have a car that you can hear coming from afar…does that count?

I’m completely attracted to a smart woman. I love a smart woman. If she likes to read books then it’ll enhance our conversation … it’ll never become stale. I love a woman who likes to learn new things and has an opinion about everything. She can say, “hey, you know what I read today ….” and it’ll open up a whole new realm of communication. I love a woman with a heightened sense of intelligence. I like to go to a girl’s house and she’s got a countless amount of books on a variety of subjects and she’s got a quirkyness about her. This says she’s willing to try and learn new things. So one that’s not quick to spat ignorance, she’ll read up, you know. I like an interesting woman. – Marcus, 27
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I was feeling this statement; I love a man who knows the values of the woman that he is with… I love a man who is not intimidated by a woman who wants to learn and likes to inform herself in life… I love a man who can be comfortable with his woman strengths and well as weakness… I like the type of man who knows how to communicate enough with his partner that ya’ll will be able to agree and work together on the blueprints and life planning that any couple should be able to have together for the bigger picture called life…

LOL at Re and Reality Check…

natural woman is one after my heart. I like a woman who is comfortable being herself without caked on make-up, fake hair and nails. I love a woman who doesn’t have to make a production out of going to the grocery store or Blockbuster with her weave rituals. I like a chick who can throw her hair up in a ponytail and leave the house with no make-up and still look good. A natural woman, to me, is okay with being herself and I don’t have to peel through the layers, literally, to get to the crust of her
______________________________________________
I have never been a make up person, I see a lot of celebrities and none of them look good without make-up, it like make-up is really a trap… My mother use to always get on me about not wearing make-up she would say that men like it and I would respond by saying and I have never has any problems attracting man even thought I don’t wear make-up…

Dr. Hayden Drake

12/10/09, 12:41:pm

I married the rarest black woman I could find.

“She doesn’t take life advice from Tyler Perry”
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That line alone made me shed a tear.

So sad that this thread is so barren…

A natural woman is one after my heart. I like a woman who is comfortable being herself without caked on make-up, fake hair and nails. I love a woman who doesn’t have to make a production out of going to the grocery store or Blockbuster with her weave rituals. I like a chick who can throw her hair up in a ponytail and leave the house with no make-up and still look good. A natural woman, to me, is okay with being herself and I don’t have to peel through the layers, literally, to get to the crust of her. – Jonathan, 30

—–
men say they like natural girls but do they really though? most men will try to talk to the glamorous, high maintenance looking chick whilst they probably wouldn’t even notice the plain looking girl with her hair up and sweats on. most men will pick a beyonce type girl over a macy gray type girl

Dr. Hayden Drake

And then you would be incorrect statement becaus I fit more than 5. Why do people make statements like this as if they have met every black woman in the world and at the end of the day you pick who you are attracted too so why blame all black woman?

Gimmeabreak 78

I can totally agree with your statement..

Dr. Hayden Drake

Now with that all said and done I am glad to see a black man who still shares and believes in black love…

This tread is…. Interesting..
I mean everyone has their personal preferences so it’s good to hear some of the men opinions of the women they like.

Lets be real – men do not like that much about women.
Here is what men like about women:
Their looks.
Their bodies.
Some real hair.
A lot of Sex.
And preferably a woman who makes he self absent, whenever we get tired of her.

This is all, it is not rocket science.

This is exactly what I want in a woman. Good list I think most men want this just dont know how to explain it.

resurrected and Gimmeabreak78, you both need to go the The Washington Post and read the article about the Black writer who feels she can not find a well-off, educated brother.

Let me know what you think about THAT! =D

sorry…the story is Successful, Black and Lonely

It’s in the local section of the paper

KeepNit2Real

Ok I will look for it and these are successful woman looking for successful brothers right?

@resurrected…

uhm, that would be a successful single woman looking for a Black man.. Just read it….lol

I love the last one.

People need to understand that relationships is a luxery! Yep it is.

This was a very interesting read. Both the article and the comments. I definitely do not think that the good black woman is a rarity. It is out there and I am prime example of it, as are the friends I keep. But the truth of the matter is that we are a minority. Funny cause earlier today, I was on my way back to work from a meeting and I flagged down a cab. When I got in, he was a bit hesitant. Either way, he had the radio on and so I asked for him to turn it up, (there was a discussion on the Afghanistan situation). We somehow got into a conversation and this man stated that he doesnt like to pick up black women in his cab. They give him to much drama. Most of them give him the cabby an attitude for no reason. My first instinct was to be mad but at the same time, he is not lying. Thats being his experience. So either way we want to spin it, educated, well behaved and rounded is not a common occurence anymore. Sad but true.

Good women can still attract tools (speaking 4rm personal experiance).

@hayden Drake if your wife is truly all those things then you are blessed and very fortunate.

KeepNit2Real

Well for most people they are there environments I have a problem with the world putting black woman down but not choosing to do nothing to help lift her us… Many black woman grow up in a house with no men around period and now she has to change her whole world perceptions when the men never cared to stay and the world never see her issue as a whole… I follow God and I will let him lead the way for me because follow this world of people is still a very stupid stand for me.. You have to be confident with yourself first because you try to please the world or anyone else. The key is to find like mined people to share your life with not changing everything about you to confort or to fit the world..

Non-sexual and very important!
1. The fact that a woman is a woman.
2. The God given instinct a woman has.
3. The intelligence of a woman
4. The strength of a woman
5. The independence of a woman
6. The love of a woman
7. The diversity of a woman
8.

@@KeepNit2Real we all dont want the rap lifestyle. im a simple dude. we also just wanna sleep with the Kim Kardashians and marry the michelle obama. I mean beyonce is fly but she prob is high maintenance. Gimme a zoe saldana any day.

p.s. I also want a woman that is looking for more than swagg.. I hate that word so much…

i just read the article. Well I live and work in DC so I hear what she is saying but at the same time, if you are labelling yourself a mean person, you are pretty much saying you have an attitude problem of sorts and that is not going to help your quest. PS. I am really proud of Helena. I remember her Columbia days lol. How time flies

p.s. I also want a woman that is looking for more than swagg.. I hate that word so much

LMAO. That was funny. I hear you though. Image appears to be everything but as the article says Image is nothing in the end. Its about whats beneath the image and the front

@KeepNit2Real

My apologies–I should have been more clear. When I said that I can relate, I was referring to the part where she said that she went on a date with the guy her friend dubbed “Cornrows”. If she was truly in her late 20s or early 30s, then the guy was likely in the same age range as well. For me, cornrows are fine if you are a rapper, but if you are a grownup, they’re a little disconcerting

@KeepNit2Real

My apologies–I should have been more clear. When I said that I can relate, I was referring to the part where she said that she went on a date with the guy her friend dubbed “Cornrows”. If she was truly in her late 20s or early 30s, then the guy was likely in the same age range as well. For me, cornrows are fine if you are a rapper, but if you are a grownup, they’re a little disconcerting.

hmm I love this. I am a black woman who finished college going back for my masters next fall, has a job, doesnt have bad credit, no kids, doesnt wear weaves, not a nagging woman, have uplifting black females as friends, I was raised in the hood (brownsville, ny to be exact and I made it out. Very intelligent and know what I want out of life. This is interesting reading what my male counterparts have to say in references too what they like in a woman.

LOL or p.a.s.s.i.o.n

Gimmeabreak, Preach on it. Cornrowns on a grown man is too much for me. I am sorry but its not a good look at all. Not for your professional growth. Its just a potential mess.

Gimmeabreak 78

12/10/09, 14:08:pm

@KeepNit2Real

My apologies–I should have been more clear. When I said that I can relate, I was referring to the part where she said that she went on a date with the guy her friend dubbed “Cornrows”. If she was truly in her late 20s or early 30s, then the guy was likely in the same age range as well. For me, cornrows are fine if you are a rapper, but if you are a grownup, they’re a little disconcerting
______________

Ah, light has been shed upon thine head. =P

@DR Hayden Drake

“Not many black woman can put 5 of these qualities together so I feel pretty lucky.”

Wonderful way to give props to your woman…and diss the entirity of black women at the same time. Wow. Not even 5 of these qualities…of the 20 you listed? You should meet my sister circle just for the sake of having your mind changed.

@Gimmeabreak 78

I pretty much feel you on every comment you’ve made!

Genevive the qualities he listed were not manly. There are women who fit his desription. His comment makes it seem like he wants some one who he can chill with, be friends with and that’s always a great foundation for a good relationship.

Men love to talk about what they want in a woman. Cooking, cleaning, sex, well kept, smart, career, nurturing, blah blah blah and that’s all fine because women should be all that but it’s the same men who want to still be in the streets with the Kim Kardashians, don’t want to take their woman out, and put no effort into romancing a woman. And why is it always that a career minded woman is seen as a bicch but then you say you don’t want a gold digger after your money? Men talk about women complaining but they complain so much more about what they want when they aren’t bringing a damn thing to the table. The we have the women that “date down” which makes it harder for all the good women because men are thinking they don’t have to put any effort when so many women are desperate enough to have no standards. So basically the good women these men want are left with jerks who think their high maintenance.

WHATEVER I agree with KEEPNITREAL all men want at the end of the day is a pair of lips open at all times to only them and it isn’t the one on your face cuz those should just shut the hell up

Wow, is it my imagination or do the women posters in here far outnumber the men?

And then there’s a post from a man who’s supposedly complimenting his wife by saying she’s the opposite of a litany of stereotypes about black women he compiled. It’s rare for a sister to speak intelligently and to not think that being educated is tantamount to “acting white.”

Wow, depressing. Even in a thread designed to be uplifting, sisters still get swatted down like flies. . .Sick.

Correction: It’s rare for a sister to speak intelligently and to not think that being educated is tantamount to “acting white?”

The regurgitation of stereotypes is a reflection’s of one’s own environs and mentality. It’s very telling.

Which is exactly why I didn’t pay attention to Dr. Drakes list but his last point was valid…

Yeah, I figured this would a thread for some to sit and complain about men. SMH.

I mean nobody have the common courtesy to tap me on the shoulder and let me know where they went….With friends like yall who needs enemies

Sydney™
12/10/09, 16:07:pm
Wow, is it my imagination or do the women posters in here far outnumber the men?

And then there’s a post from a man who’s supposedly complimenting his wife by saying she’s the opposite of a litany of stereotypes about black women he compiled. It’s rare for a sister to speak intelligently and to not think that being educated is tantamount to “acting white.”

Wow, depressing. Even in a thread designed to be uplifting, sisters still get swatted down like flies. . .Sick.
________________________________________________

I did no such thing, SYD!!! *Gives Sydney a side eye*

Bg(Failure is the toll you pay for Success)
12/10/09, 16:22:pm
I mean *****ody have the common courtesy to tap me on the shoulder and let me know where they went….With friends like yall who needs enemies
_______________________________________________

Not true, dawg…I said I was coming here…LOL!!

Except Daywalker…pardon me bruh

Where are the ladies? I’m leaving if some females don’t speak up.

Yall lurkers too!

@Sydney:

I hope I’m not out of pocket for saying this, but I have long felt that many (but not all, but certainly ENOUGH to be noticed) brothers have a very (read: hatred) unrealistic view of women. They want the oversexed Kim Kardashian types for sex. They SAY they want the “classy” Michelle Obama types for marriage. The problem is, brothers aren’t marrying any of them.

Part of that blame lies with us as women, but I think the lionshare of the issue lies with men for the reasons I stated earlier in reference to extended adolescence.

Bg(Failure is the toll you pay for Success)
12/10/09, 16:26:pm
Except Daywalker…pardon me bruh
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Nah, you’re cool!! But BG is right, why did ya’ll break camp on a n*ggah?? *Gives SYDNEY a side eye*

Yall left me out…smh

Lionel, Brandon, and johnathan is all me!

Sydney™
12/10/09, 16:10:pm

Correction: It’s rare for a sister to speak intelligently and to not think that being educated is tantamount to “acting white?”

The regurgitation of stereotypes is a reflection’s of one’s own environs and mentality. It’s very telling.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

VERY TRUE! Smh.

@GIMMEABREAK78

You sound very frustrated dear.

My list of attributes that I love about women would be too long to post…

@ Gimmeabreak 78
12/10/09, 16:27:pm
@Sydney:

I hope I’m not out of pocket for saying this, but I have long felt that many (but not all, but certainly ENOUGH to be noticed) brothers have a very (read: hatred) unrealistic view of women. They want the oversexed Kim Kardashian types for sex. They SAY they want the “cl*****y” Michelle Obama types for marriage. The problem is, brothers aren’t marrying any of them.

Part of that blame lies with us as women, but I think the lionshare of the issue lies with men for the reasons I stated earlier in reference to extended adolescence.
________________________________________________

Okay, here’s the deal:

Men love oversexed women in the bedroom, but we also want you to be ladies in the street!! That being said, if you are a black woman, you had best believe, men are going to try to get at you if you are on point, but if you carry yourself as promiscuous, then you had best believe that no one is going to consider you marriage material! In short, (And I can’t stress it enough) save it for the bedroom!!! And when you get there, even if you have been with 90 guys, act as if you haven’t!! Nothing will kill it faster than you being too freaky with a guy the first time out!! Let us think we are showing you some new things even if we aren’t!!! (Yeah, men need more than just their “egos” stroked sometimes)And as long as I’m on the subject, let him be right some of the time, too!! Trust me, you don’t have to win every battle to win a war, ladies…..

@ Lady A
Did you just mention my govt?

My list of attributes that I love about women would be too long to post…
____________________________
Same here!

BG,
no I was reading the stories above and comparing them to myself

Lady Architect (My Love is Priceless)
12/10/09, 16:41:pm
BG,
no I was reading the stories above and comparing them to myself

NOTHING COMPARES 2 U!!! LOL!!!

Thanks for the advice Daywalker!

@ Daywalker

Okay, here’s the deal:
Men love oversexed women in the bedroom, but we also want you to be ladies in the street!! That being said, if you are a black woman, you had best believe, men are going to try to get at you if you are on point, but if you carry yourself as promiscuous, then you had best believe that no one is going to consider you marriage material! In short, (And I can’t stress it enough) save it for the bedroom!!! And when you get there, even if you have been with 90 guys, act as if you haven’t!! Nothing will kill it faster than you being too freaky with a guy the first time out!! Let us think we are showing you some new things even if we aren’t!!! (Yeah, men need more than just their “egos” stroked sometimes)And as long as I’m on the subject, let him be right some of the time, too!! Trust me, you don’t have to win every battle to win a war, ladies…..

__________________________

MMMMMM. Hm. You’re the best. I had to leave my desk to let you know I see you and thank you for responding. I’m still reading so keep em coming!

See. I’m the kinda girl who acknowledges and appreciates a man’s follow-thru. xoxox to you.

@ Daywalker
NOTHING COMPARES 2 U!!! LOL!!!
____________________________________
The ice you’re skating on is getting very thin….

B3 Fearless
12/10/09, 16:43:pm
Thanks for the advice Daywalker!

Anytime!!

Daywalker,
I fully agree.

@Man, I just don’t care

I am frustrated. I’m tired of not seeing a lot of stable black nuclear families.

@Daywalker(The Daydream!!!)

Thanks for your earlier list about what you loved about women. It was nice to read that.

Concerning your comments about oversexed women, I understand your point about behaving like a lady in the streets and a freak in the bedroom.
My issue is that brothers are not marrying the ladies. Maybe the problem is that there are too many ladies to chose from, or maybe it’s that the responsibilities of marriage are to tall an order for brothers to fulfill, but either way, the situation is alarming.

BlogReader#1
12/10/09, 16:43:pm
@ Daywalker

Okay, here’s the deal:
Men love oversexed women in the bedroom, but we also want you to be ladies in the street!! That being said, if you are a black woman, you had best believe, men are going to try to get at you if you are on point, but if you carry yourself as promiscuous, then you had best believe that no one is going to consider you marriage material! In short, (And I can’t stress it enough) save it for the bedroom!!! And when you get there, even if you have been with 90 guys, act as if you haven’t!! Nothing will kill it faster than you being too freaky with a guy the first time out!! Let us think we are showing you some new things even if we aren’t!!! (Yeah, men need more than just their “egos” stroked sometimes)And as long as I’m on the subject, let him be right some of the time, too!! Trust me, you don’t have to win every battle to win a war, ladies…..

__________________________

MMMMMM. Hm. You’re the best. I had to leave my desk to let you know I see you and thank you for responding. I’m still reading so keep em coming!

See. I’m the kinda girl who acknowledges and appreciates a man’s follow-thru. xoxox to you.
_______________________________________________

Anytime, sweetheart!! I rarely disappoint!!! LOL!
________________________________________________

Bg(Failure is the toll you pay for Success)
12/10/09, 16:44:pm
@ Daywalker
NOTHING COMPARES 2 U!!! LOL!!!
____________________________________
The ice you’re skating on is getting very thin….
_______________________________________________

You’re cool, dawg!! I wouldn’t do my boy dirty like that! I was just giving a compliment is all…

@ Gimme
There are alot of ladies to choose from…I’ll give you that.

My question is: Do you want a guy to marry you that “thinks” he can handle it? I would think that a woman would appreciate a guy that knows he’s not ready and let you know

@GIMME A BREAK

I understand your concerns. Do you think that marriage is rewarding and fulfilling in and of itself from the perspective of men?

If so, why?

Daywalker,
I’m loving what you are saying

typo: sum up their idea of marriage and long-term commitment in one word

typo: fun and effortless. Any man can make the hardest task look like a cake walk. It’s all a matter of perspective I guess.

@CHOCO
“No nice try but you can shorten your list by coming up with only 10….really now-too long…how many different ways can you say *****, cooch, V-A-G-I-N-A you have to come up with attributes…real cute tho”
____________________________________________________

That IS a very beautiful part of a woman!!!

But my list WOULD be too long. It would be oh so diffucult to pick out just 10 attributes that I love.

Please don’t torture me by forcing me to value one characteristic over another!! That would pain me to no end!

@Bg(Failure is the toll you pay for Success)

My question is: Do you want a guy to marry you that “thinks” he can handle it? I would think that a woman would appreciate a guy that knows he’s not ready and let you know
________________________________________

Of course it’s appreciated when a man says he’s not ready. My question (and I bet a lot of women would cosign with me) is that how many of you can’t be ready?

Of course ladies will give a 25 year-old man a pass, and even a 30 year-old. But when we start talking about 35 and 40 year old men who still don’t want to marry, still in the club chasing anything in a skirt, it’s almost sad. When a man in his 30s or 40s has three of four kids with multiple women he never married, it’s really sad, because it makes me wonder what kind of legacy he’s leaving those children, or even if he’s thought about his legacy at all?

@Man
Torture huh okay for now I won’t but you have just given me the upper hand now that I know how easily you are tortured…
Things that make you go mmmmmm!

typo: fun and effortless. Any man can make the hardest task look like a cake walk. It’s all a matter of perspective I guess.
___________________________________________
When I see a woman that looks like a tall order, I just push my built in “Easy Button” and shazam…we are horizontal!

@ Gimme
Interesting, Yeah I don’t wanna be “that guy” 40 in the club with a blazer on trying to bag 21 year olds.

@ BlogReader#1:

Awwwwwwww…You gon make me blush, girl!!

@Man, I just don’t care

Do you think that marriage is rewarding and fulfilling in and of itself from the perspective of men?
__________________________________________

In short, no. I think men in this country (all men in general, but black men to a greater degree) have been programmed to view marriage as a trap from the time they were little, which is funny, because a trap is a force that is supposed to immobilize you and keep you from escaping until another force can kill you. White men, Hispanic men, and Asian men are fed this garbage to a lesser extent, which is why we see dramatically higher marriage rates in those communities.

On the other hand, I know a few black men who are in happy marriages and who say that marrying their wives is the best decision they’ve ever made.

@BG

I bet “Blog Reader” is a man dawg. Just sweatin a bit too hard. Most females ain’t puttin it out there THAT hard.

I HOPE I’m wrong.

BE LEARLY DAYWALKER.

I am so on the fence about marriage and I do believe in it honestly I do but I don’t know why I’m not looking for it in a relationship – I met and dated a guy for five weeks he was 37 the first week we dated he told me he wanted to be married by 2010…I’m confused seriously you wanna wife me after 5 weeks and was tryn to mold me into the wife he wanted…Screw that!

Daywalker,
I know some women like that…..

@GIMME A BREAK
“In short, no. I think men in this country (all men in general, but black men to a greater degree) have been programmed to view marriage as a trap from the time they were little, which is funny, because a trap is a force that is supposed to immobilize you and keep you from escaping until another force can kill you. White men, Hispanic men, and Asian men are fed this garbage to a lesser extent, which is why we see dramatically higher marriage rates in those communities.

On the other hand, I know a few black men who are in happy marriages and who say that marrying their wives is the best decision they’ve ever made.”
_____________________________________________________

So in what way should black in particular view marriage, if not as a “trap?”

Why so?

Why do you think the “trap” concept caught on?

I mean, a rose by any other name would still be viewed as a rose. So how could so many be decieved to not see the inherent goodness in one thing?

@BG and Man
Leave Day’s cyber boo alone she’s smitten with him is all dayum I’m laughing so hard at you both…
@Day
On the real cyber girl made me take a back seat LOL I was like dayum have at it LMAO

Man, I just don’t care™
12/10/09, 17:17:pm
@BG

I bet “Blog Reader” is a man dawg. Just sweatin a bit too hard. Most females ain’t puttin it out there THAT hard.

I HOPE I’m wrong.

BE LEARLY DAYWALKER.
_______________________________________________

Yup….Trust me…Ya gotta get up pretty early to put one over on da kid, Doc….
_______________________________________________

Choco
12/10/09, 17:18:pm
I am so on the fence about marriage and I do believe in it honestly I do but I don’t know why I’m not looking for it in a relationship – I met and dated a guy for five weeks he was 37 the first week we dated he told me he wanted to be married by 2010…I’m confused seriously you wanna wife me after 5 weeks and was tryn to mold me into the wife he wanted…Screw that!
_______________________________________________

Maybe he liked what he saw, boo!! I mean the man’s only human!! But on that issue of trying to “Change” people?? Nah..I don’t get into that! If I like you a certain way when I met you, then that’s the way I want you to stay…A lot of people need to learn to love somene for who they are versus who you want them to be….

You must have put that sunshine puzzy on him!
____________________________________________________

ROFLMAO!!!!

@Day, loved your list and you were dead on with #3, lol.

Choco
12/10/09, 17:23:pm
@BG and Man
Leave Day’s cyber boo alone she’s smitten with him is all dayum I’m laughing so hard at you both…
@Day
On the real cyber girl made me take a back seat LOL I was like dayum have at it LMAO
_______________________________________________

Nobody could take a backseat to you, gurrl!!

@Day
He liked what he saw I don’t doubt that it was just really heavy early on and I was just tryn to get to know him-he was really possessive and for only knowing him for five weeks I couldn’t do it we enjoyed one another’s company but I noticed he had a huge jealous streak….

I’d still do Lela Rochon off how she used to look!

Carry on!

@ Daywalker
@ BlogReader#1:
Awwwwwwww…You gon make me blush, girl!!

*blushing back*

I ain’t no dude! I’m a highly attractive female, thank you haters!!

I say what I feel when I feel it. I won’t apologize for that ever. I like what Day says, he’s often the only one who doesn’t mask his true self with corny azz jokes.

@ Day

no, you won’t catch a break. But that’s okay … I gotcho back

@BG
My cooch can get me in trouble becuz it’s addictive and I think that the guyz I date wanna lock the cooch down and keep me in some little glass box-

@Day
I know hun just wanted to direct your attention toward me ; )

Sanjor
12/10/09, 17:27:pm
@Day, loved your list and you were dead on with #3, lol.
______________________________________________

Thanks, hun!! How’s the little one??
______________________________________________

Choco
12/10/09, 17:27:pm
@Day
He liked what he saw I don’t doubt that it was just really heavy early on and I was just tryn to get to know him-he was really possessive and for only knowing him for five weeks I couldn’t do it we enjoyed one another’s company but I noticed he had a huge jealous streak….
________________________________________________

See? That right there is how guys screw up! If your lady is coming home to you, why get mad that other guys want what you have?? That has never made sense to me…..LOL!!!

I ain’t no dude! I’m a highly attractive female, thank you haters!!

I say what I feel when I feel it. I won’t apologize for that ever. I like what Day says, he’s often the only one who doesn’t mask his true self with corny azz jokes.
_______________________________________
I mean, you know……I mean all the truly fly chicks have gravies. I’m just saying!

@ Choco
How bout you let me be the judge… For scientific purposes of course

@ BG
I mean, you know……I mean all the truly fly chicks have gravies. I’m just saying!
___________

ohhhhhh. and cool names too huh? I’ll work on that. But some things can remain mysteries. I am fly tho I must admit. I’mma get in trouble messing wit yall at my job. Leaving in 15. Thanks for letting me chat with you guys! It was fun. Catch you guy later.

@ Day – Kisses! *air bite* lol

BlogReader#1
12/10/09, 17:35:pm
@ BG
I mean, you know……I mean all the truly fly chicks have gravies. I’m just saying!
___________

ohhhhhh. and cool names too huh? I’ll work on that. But some things can remain mysteries. I am fly tho I must admit. I’mma get in trouble messing wit yall at my job. Leaving in 15. Thanks for letting me chat with you guys! It was fun. Catch you guy later.

@ Day – Kisses! *air bite* lol
_______________________________________________

Bye, HUN!! (HUGS) Be safe, now!!!

@Day
I was like okaaaay is this guy really serious he was mad at me for talking to his next door neighbors about their pitbull who was a gorgeous dog-crazy he was really jealous we went to a party where I knew everyone at and this fool wants to keep me outside the whole night-there is no way in hell he was going to divert me back to my highschool days…

@BG yyyy you are cuttn up fly chick have gravi’s LOL

@Man, I just don’t care™

So in what way should black in particular view marriage, if not as a “trap?”

Why so?

Why do you think the “trap” concept caught on?

I mean, a rose by any other name would still be viewed as a rose. So how could so many be decieved to not see the inherent goodness in one thing?
_____________________________________________

I think that marriage should be viewed as a way for two individuals who are good already to make themselves better in partnership. I think it should be viewed this way because there are benefits for both genders. For women the protection and economic stability a husband provides is definitely benefiical. For men, the responsibility that marriage demands is a benefit to that man’s character. Also, married men live longer than men who never marry.

I think the trap thing just caught on because men were looking for a way to not be responsible for their actions when it comes to women and children. Responsibility is not a trap. It is the mark of discipline–and discipline is the mark of adulthood.

@Gimmeabreak78

“Part of that blame lies with us as women, but I think the lionshare of the issue lies with men for the reasons I stated earlier in reference to extended adolescence.”

I’m on my way out, but I read your previous post on the “extended adolescence” theory, and I concur that this has affected the thinking of some men.

@Dr. Hayden Drake

Your entire initial post was not only an affront to black women in general, but to your wife, who you have deemed to be the exception to your tainted, stereotypical view. If you want to portray yourself as an “educated professional,” cease spreading ignorance.

@Day
I will keep it in mind I don’t have to ask—okay so how do I let you know I wanna phone b-o-n-e LOL I’m being bad

@BG
Scientific purposes uuhhhhh no it’s a lot to deal with especially when I want it to be over and the other party doesn’t want to let go and we both know it was nothing more than sex…

@ Lady A
Calm down… I mean I wasnt really gone do it, I was just trying to see if I still had it.

C.l.a.s.s.i.c Excuse!

Aight good folks I’m out, rare form tomorrow I promise

Choco
12/10/09, 17:38:pm
@Day
I was like okaaaay is this guy really serious he was mad at me for talking to his next door neighbors about their pitbull who was a gorgeous dog-crazy he was really jealous we went to a party where I knew everyone at and this fool wants to keep me outside the whole night-there is no way in hell he was going to divert me back to my highschool days…
________________________________________________

But see, I wouldn’t have done that…I would have been happy to have a beautiful, sedxy vibrant woman on my arm, and had a good time!! Like I said: They can dream, but I have the reality…Nah, he was offbase, ma…Matter of fact, I get a “big head” when I know that other dudes want my girl and can’t have her….LOL!!!

Bg(Failure is the toll you pay for Success)

12/10/09, 17:43:pm

@ Lady A
Calm down… I mean I wasnt really gone do it, I was just trying to see if I still had it.

C.l.a.s.s.i.c Excuse!

ok that’s cool…Imme go check and see if I still have too..

Choco
12/10/09, 17:41:pm
@Day
I will keep it in mind I don’t have to ask—okay so how do I let you know I wanna phone b-o-n-e LOL I’m being bad
_______________________________________________

Gimme your e-mail….LOL!!

@Day
that’s becuz you are confident in your skin while he may have been confident he couldn’t deal with the attention I got and I’m really outgoing and friendly so it could’ve been that way with a male or female

I’m about to be out I’ll talk to you tomorrow…

Lady Architect (My Love is Priceless)
12/10/09, 17:47:pm
Bg(Failure is the toll you pay for Success)

12/10/09, 17:43:pm

@ Lady A
Calm down… I mean I wasnt really gone do it, I was just trying to see if I still had it.

C.l.a.s.s.i.c Excuse!

ok that’s cool…Imme go check and see if I still have too..
________________________________________________

Of course you do!! (Don’t let BG hear that though!!!) LOL!!!

Choco
12/10/09, 17:48:pm
@Day
that’s becuz you are confident in your skin while he may have been confident he couldn’t deal with the attention I got and I’m really outgoing and friendly so it could’ve been that way with a male or female

I’m about to be out I’ll talk to you tomorrow…
_______________________________________________

Ok, hun…I’ll look forward to it! (Hugs) Be safe now!!

Damn @ all yall makin these lists…i mean, does a good black woman HAVE to be without kids?? Im educated, driven, independent, all that..but i have a 2 yr old. does that knock me out of the “good black woman” category??

Black Women see to think that there is nothing wrong with what you all are doing and it is every one else who has the problem.

Instead of acknowledging your issues you become defensive and dismissive, which does nothing to help the issues and continues the cycle.

If you want better men, then raise better men, stop saying out loud, in front of your sons, nephews, that black men aren’t worth anything, and that you dont needa man.

because they grow up thinking that they are not respected or necessary to your lives so in the end they treat you all accordingly.

I didnt make the list to attack black women but more to say we need to look at our selves, (brothers too) and fix things.

You cant seriously believe that all black women are with out flaw and that black men are all of the problem. Thats a childish mentality and its also unproductive.

Don’t get mad at the truth, use it to grow.

I did! I saw black men around me growing up who were negative in a lot of ways and I decided to be better than that. I saw a problem and I personally addressed it. I didnt dismiss it saying, “Naw you just hatin’”

Because

@ QueenStar
12/10/09, 18:02:pm
Damn @ all yall makin these lists…i mean, does a good black woman HAVE to be without kids?? Im educated, driven, independent, all that..but i have a 2 yr old. does that knock me out of the “good black woman” category??
_______________________________________________

Read my post, ma….And no, having a kid doesn’t automatically konck you out of the running! LOL!!!

Knock* (typo)

@Man, I Just Don’t Care

First off, it’s a farce that “married men live longer than non married men.”
_____________________________________________

No it’s not. It is a fact that men in general have a shorter life expectancy than women in general; married men make that gap narrower because they engage in risky behavior less than unmarried men and also because their wives act as caretakers and nurturers for their health. (Source: CDC. Here’s the link: http://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/preview/mmwrhtml/mm5842a7.htm)

It appears you think that men inherently avoid responsibility. If men have had to bare the brunt of the majority of responsiblity for centuries throughout the world, why would they inherently change in the last 50 years or so?
________________________________________________

No, I don’t. I don’t think men (in general, but black men in particular) INHERENTLY avoid responsibility. I think they are socialized to do it. Almost everything in our culture tells black men to “hit it and quit it”. That attitude is what gives rise to the whole “baby mama syndrome” we see. That’s why 70% of black children born in the country are born out of wedlock. The same figure is only 35% for white children. When a black boy is born to a single mother he subliminally accepts the message that childrearing is something that a woman should do alone and unless he is told or shown something to combat that way of thinking, that is an attitude he will carry forward into his adult life.

@ Man I Just Dont Care…

You made very valid point that I had not considered. I did not take in to account reproduction and a woman’s biological clock.
I will think about that one…
(thats what we need more thinking and less dismissing)

As for the list…

If it doesn’t apply to you then there is nothing to be upset about. I suggest that if you are upset about the list it is because there may be some truth to it for you.

I hear black women say horrible things about black men all the time. But those things don’t apply to me so I don’t get offended but i do try to hear their perspective.

I have 2 twin boys age 4 and a daughter age 6 and I teach them that if something is wrong you don’t ignore it… you do your part to fix it… and that ignoring the problem is often just as bad as being the cause of the problem.
I suggest you step back from being offended and reach for a little perspective.

As for my love of black women…
I am a 33 year old black man, I’ve been married to a black woman for 8 years.
I have never dated anything but black women.
I love black women.

As for my wife…I praise her because she deserves it. And any black woman like her deserves praise and adoration. But they are not the majority, just as amazing black men are not the majority.

(shut yo mouf docta Drake, you’ze bet not say nuffin about black gals or they gonna go Madea on you…youze being a docta dont mean nuffin, You aint no Balla like Coby or and you can’t put it down on a woman like a real thug like 50 cent. Get outa here talking that white folks talk about black people needin to do betta.Weeze fine just the way we is Hatter!)

For me the list stands true

Dr. Drake maybe some of your friends need better social skills when it comes to speaking to women. I’m not saying this with an attitude, but some of the professional men I have dated who I labeled as boring (I have never called a man weak and I actually like dating nerds) it was due to the fact that they couldn’t hold an interesting conversation. They either came off as stuck up talking about everything that they have or don’t talk about anything because maybe they are too shy. One engineer was going on and on about a project he was working on that after the third date I was just like ok enough is enough.

@Gimmieabreak 78

My advice to you. Because you are a beautiful woman with amazing qualities to offer a man in marriage, do not settle for anything less than a man that will adore you mentally and physically. Also don’t let these other women talk you into settling just because they have.

No every man you date will not be the right man for you… they are not supposed to be.

Because while you waste your time with the dude you settled for, they guy that you deserve is is missing you.

I promise good black men exist and so do good black women, but we have to find each other and it is not easy because the bad ones on both sides are every where.

Wait a minute, that’s your gravie? You’re a doctor?

Are you a member of the AMA or NMA? What is your specialty?

Dr. Drake maybe some of your friends need better social skills when it comes to speaking to women. I’m not saying this with an attitude, but some of the professional men I have dated who I labeled as boring (I have never called a man weak and I actually like dating nerds) it was due to the fact that they couldn’t hold an interesting conversation. They either came off as stuck up talking about everything that they have or don’t talk about anything because maybe they are too shy. One engineer was going on and on about a project he was working on that after the third date I was just like ok enough is enough.====== I can totally relate. I date or have dated all kinds of men from a Preachers’ son, choir boy, the nerd et cetera. Never dated or was attracted to thugs (nothing about fighting all time and breaking the law is attractive). I have dated men from a lawyer, fire fighter, correctional officer and engineers and ran into the same issue. Extremely stuck up and talked about their accomplishments and/or what they have done which is great but set aside the business meeeting conversation and let me get to know you on a personable level. Needless, to say I opted out of a 4th date barley made it through the 3rd. I know all are not like that, but even my mom experienced that and she is an RN and is married.

^^^ meeting *correction and that second comment is also to you B3 Fearless excuse my error.

@DR HAYDEN-Your last comment to Gimmeabreak I agree with totally.

when i think of love, i think of the sweetest moments of life and i think about sharing it with someone.
I think of that someone making me laugh until tears pour out my eyes and that same person would be there when real tears fall.
To understand and accept me for who i am, because i want to have a connection with someone on the level of becoming one. Someone i can talk to until the break of dawn. Who appreciates small victories and new discoveries.
I just want love, real love, not the way its painted on TV.
is that so much?

Here is an interesting thought.

When I volunteered as a doctor at an HIV and AIDS clinic, I had to interview my patients.

98% of the HIV positive women became so by sleeping with men that have been in prison, or were convicted felons, gang members or thugs.

This is not made up.

Women your poor choices in men are killing you.

haydendrake
12/10/09, 20:57:pm
Here is an interesting thought.

When I volunteered as a doctor at an HIV and AIDS clinic, I had to interview my patients.

98% of the HIV positive women became so by sleeping with men that have been in prison, or were convicted felons, gang members or thugs.

This is not made up.

Women your poor choices in men are killing you.
—————————If indeed true (based off of YOUR patients not society as a whole) I am not surprised by that high percentage who contracted HIV/AIDS from those men. I also have a dear friend who is male who contracted HIV from is ex-girlfriend who cheated on him w/her ex who was had slept with her not long after he was released from prison. However, a great number of women contract HIV/AIDS amongst other STDs from their married partners who cheat on them w/other women and from their husbands sleeping with men.

@BLACK ORPHEUS- I like your list

Good night all *eyes getting heavy exits*

“It will be almost five years that I have been celibant”

LOl..if this is any indication as to your level of education, I can see why those you have dated who were intelligent, could not connect with you. The word is not “celibant”, it is CELIBATE. this is the issue, most of you will not tell the truth about WHY these men in the upper echelon do not connect with you, it is because intellectually there is no compatibility. you would rather lay the blame on them by calling them boring, however I wouldnt be surprised if we were to talk to them and find out that they felt you just were not on their level intellectually.

Who cares!!! My girlfriend also agrees with me. She is a black big female, We met online at interracial club

______BlackWhiteMingle dot COM_____

It’s fabulous! Maybe you wanna check out or tell your friends.FREE TO JOIN
________________________________

Ok heres my list:

10. She puts up with my sh*t because she knows at the end of the day no matter what i say we’re gonna wind up doing what she wants.
9. She actually went to my mother and asked how to cook my three favorite meals, smothered steak and rice, turkey and dressing w/gravy and Gumbo with no okra.
8. I trust her unequivocally, she has my Amex and wont buy sh*t without asking me first.
7. she doesnt need a weave.
6. she has perfect toes, n*ggas hate a b*tch with f*cked up feet.
5. Her conversation is on point, we can talk about anything, especially our mutual hatred of Emmitt Perry and R Kelly.
4. she knows exactly when i need a backrub, when she needs to sit on my lap and when its time to pamper her man.
3. she listened to me when I said “we aint doing sh*t until you finish school”
2. she doesnt have any kids.
1. When I was still in college her “care packages” and $20-$40 loans kept my azz alive, when you move out of your parents house the last thing you want to do is tell their azz youre starving!

toussaintbeaupre; haydendrake & jerry d

LOL! You cannot (really) fault the modern day sistah for their p.i.s.s. poor choices in men, afterall, in their case, most black women are driven by their primordial urge(s) to mate with the (perceived) “ALPHA” male, but it just so happens, said “ALPHA” male (in their skewed outlook on things) tend to be in the form of the “GARDEN VARIETY” thug.

It doesn’t matter how educated, refined or cultured the sista’ is, they (in most cases) will throw all of their good breeding and upbringing out the window in order to sate their sweet tooth for THUG D.I.C.K.. It’s their nature.

um hmm……

Let me add to Toussaint and Marquis’ assertions,

Thug n*ggas aint hardly “alpha-males”

yet women perceive them as such, heres something you’ll never see ladies: That thug n*gga youre f8ckin’ with knows who else to f*ck with. He’s not going to mess with any man who he feels threatened by either successfully or morally upright. This means in front of you he’ll talk a bunch of sh*t about how “square” this educated professional man looks, yet he wont walk up to that grown man and engage him. Wanna know why? because once that educated man starts talkin’ your thug aint gonna know sh*t, thats gonna make him look dumb in front of you.

theres more but I’ll type the rest tomorrow….

I agree and at Howard University you need to be the most careful. I have two young female cousins at Howard right now. As you may have read I am a Doctor and just so you know DC has one of the highest rates of HIV and AIDS infections for Black women in the country. Please don’t allow some slick talking young man to hurt you. Just remember that just because something looks good doesn’t mean that it is good for you. Just because they out number you don’t let them have your power as an intelligent black woman. Make good decisions.

Yes I know not all black women think unproductively. As I said my wife is an amazing exception to what I find to be the average black woman, as a matter of fact she also graduated from Howard before going on to graduate school at Yale. She says Howard can be a wonderful yet dangerous place so please be careful.

Also young lady, if the things I said don’t apply to you then I congratulate you, I happen to believe if this is the case then you are an exception. And no matter what people say it’s okay to be above average and its very okay to be special. So don’t be offended for the average woman if you are an above average special young lady, as you seem to be.

It’s a very sad day indeed when black people believe that the exceptional among them are the exceptions. What happened to our sense of pride and dignity? To those who are espousing the merits of education, have you educated YOURSELVES on your history and the talents that are abundant among brothers and sisters? Why have some so willingly and completely embraced stereotypes that were designed to malign and cripple?

@Dr. Hayden Drake

You declined to respond to my initial questions, and I’ll take that as a signal of the accuracy of my perception of you. You keep repeating that you’re a doctor. A doctor of what?

I personally have never come across a doctor who was concerned with black women employing the cacophonous “conversate” and equating education with “acting white.” You’re an anomaly and a conundrum. Something isn’t quite right.

@ Sydney,

I know that, thats why I said it wasnt directed at Tamara.

The Doctor was using hypotheticals

Why am i still up at 12:23?

i like brandon and jonathan story…

It seems that many rather focus and overlook the negative rather than the positive, therefore allow me to state this comment loud and clear SUCCESSFUL BLACK MEN ARE NOT BORING. The issue with SOME successful black men NOT ALL is when he is not able to turn off his work mode mindset and just enjoy a fun outing whether it is a walk in the park or bowling. I do not care if it is a man or a woman CONSTANTLY talking about yourself and your accomplishments for the duration of a date comes off as arrogant. I stated in an earlier comment that I have dated all kinds of men, but NEVER dated and/or was attracted to a THUG. I clearly stated that a person constantly fighting and breaking the law is NOT ATTRACTIVE in any form to me. I actually enjoy bookworms, nerds whatever one choose to label a person. The nerds that I did date who were also accomplished were fun to be with, because they had an equal balance of knowing how to have fun and when to be in business mode.

@Sydney

Darling I was not ignoring you, I didnt see your comment. And I am very happy to answer any question you have to help you come to a place of understanding.

I will try to answer them in order,

What happened to our pride and dignity?
- I wonder the same exact thing. I think it got lost somewhere in the business that we are engaged in now, where instead of acknowledging a problem and working to fix it, we (you) become offended and attack, leaving the problem unresolved but your temper (need for an attitude release) satisfied. Sister I don’t think these things apply to all black women, as I said my wife and many women that i know don’t fall into items on the previously posted list.

I am saying that obviously there are some problems that are being ignored with a good number of our black women who are making poor choices in the men they choose and in how they raise their children. (sorry you don’t agree)

As far as my understanding of the merits of black people….As a member of Kappa Alpha Psi, 100 Black Men, Phi Beta Kappa, and the Boule’ and I am married to a member of Alpha Kappa Alpha and the Links, I certainly understand the beauty and the amazing accomplishments of Black people.All of my friends and are very successful black people. So i think you may have missed my point, which was those who choose to be apart of the very worst of our culture need to open their eyes and make better choices for themselves and our children. We can not continue to see that things are wrong and ignore them, so I called them out, yes! and I mean what I said. If you are apart of that list then you have a problem, if you are not, then I am not talking about you!

I have not embraced stereotypes I have made personal observations. I am a General practitioner G.P.)and I have a particular focus on dealing with the AIDS/HIV crisis. Where I see black women’s poor choices on display. As I said 98% of the women who were interviewed during treatment session contracted the disease from their male partners that have been in prison or lead this thug life style. They could tell me more about Madea than the could about their own T Cell count. (which is their life at this point) I also volunteer an several youth organizations for under privileged kids and the majority of them come from mothers that chose to be with thugs or men that were not fit to be fathers. 70% of the little girls and boys that were sexually abuse were abused by their BLACK MOTHERS NEW BOYFRIENDS- So excuse me for recognizing a pattern of poor decision making. Rather than dismissing me you should be of the understanding that there is a problem and it isn’t my educated, documented, statistics supported, personal observations.

Also so you know I was born and raised in the hood just like my wife and we saw problems and decided to fix them with ourselves and we actively help others.

Your excusing of poor behavior is the real conundrum here.

but rather than go back and forth with you. I will simply say, There is a Problem with our people and just because you don’t see it, doesn’t mean that it doesn’t exist.

And Converste was accepted as a word because black people kept using it. but I am personally not a fan of dumbing things down. We should teach our children to rise to the level of our expectation, and not be content to be at the very bottom.

I hope this is clear.

What I love about/in a woman:

communicates her standard/priorities, then re-evaulates them to see what truly makes them happy because $ can make some females happy versus a loyal man that can pay his bills and maybe one of hers
She is Natural
not more shallow than I am
can make fun of me
Is a woman of principles and not “rules”
like myself knows when to shut up and
respects boundaries
understands that it is not always best to speak your mind (we as humans think some awful and non accurate opinionated things
truly puts god/spirituality first ( ahead of her own self) many more but not enough time to list.

@Dr. Hayden Drake

Darling, you’ve returned and responded. Why, thank you.

Let me address your comments, if I may:

“I wonder the same exact thing. I think it got lost somewhere in the business that we are engaged in now, where instead of acknowledging a problem and working to fix it, we (you) become offended and attack, leaving the problem unresolved but your temper (need for an attitude release) satisfied.”

Darling, did you not read your first post and not see that it was indeed an attack? If you had taken a step back and thought logically before you posted, you may have been able to form a more informed foundation for the cogent observations that you later shared. I thought that you needed an “attitude release” and perhaps an introduction to a better social circle befitting that of a “doctor.” You could have simply listed your wife’s positive attributes, but you chose to deliver what you thought was an accurate assessment of “most” black women. In your own words, “Not many black woman (sic) can put 5 of these qualities together so I feel pretty lucky.”

I’ve read other posts from you, and they seem to carry a similar malcontent, stereotypical undercurrent.

“I am saying that obviously there are some problems that are being ignored with a good number of our black women who are making poor choices in the men they choose and in how they raise their children.”

I never said I disagreed with this statement, but this is not the tact with which you entered the thread. You started with a litany of generalizations about black women and then posted another list of negative traits.

“As far as my understanding of the merits of black people….As a member of Kappa Alpha Psi, 100 Black Men, Phi Beta Kappa, and the Boule’ and I am married to a member of Alpha Kappa Alpha and the Links, I certainly understand the beauty and the amazing accomplishments of Black people.”

Well, I’m glad to read that you’re aware of the accomplishments of black people. My father is also a member of the Boulé and other medical societies/organizations, so I know first-hand that you have been exposed to a plethora of black men and women with a high level of education and successes.

“Your excusing of poor behavior is the real conundrum here.”

I suppose you haven’t read any of my other posts on this blog in which I express my opinion on the causes of some social/economic ills in our community and their effects. The difference is, I try not to pigeonhole my fellow brothers and sisters or paint them with a broad brush. That is a counterproductive approach to examining existing issues and forming the means to ameliorate the conditions that some (not all) of us face.

“Also so you know I was born and raised in the hood”

Well, that doesn’t come as a surprise. As I wrote before, the embrace of stereotypes is an indicator of one’s own environs.

“And Converste was accepted as a word because black people kept using it. but I am personally not a fan of dumbing things down.”

Well, that makes two of us, and your incendiary, and, yes, attitude-laden entry into the conversation was certainly ill-informed.

I do applaud the work you do in the community, but I hope that you continue to be exposed to the wide diversity that exists among African Americans – men and women alike.

So, in closing, I absolutely see that problems exist, but I’m not going to tear down the men and women who share my complexion in order to produce solutions.

And I hope this is clear as well. If not, I would be happy to elucidate.

@Nickisha

You are correct baby girl, it is hard and we might not always have what we need to succeed. I simply add that not having should not be an excuse for not getting. But what you are saying that is most important is that you see and want more than what you have or have been given. Desire to do better is always the first step.

Forgive me I tend to be a bit blunt. I do have good intentions and in the heat of passion they are not always expressed as clearly as they could be. But my heart is in the right place, thank you for writing me.

Do me this favor though. Don’t stop trying to make things better for yourself, and don’t let any one get in the way of you bettering yourself. See whats wrong and try, just try to fix it. And should you find a man, make sure he is of the same mind, dont let a no good brother pull you down form being an amazing sister.

“Now that you clearly understand that you were wrong about my social circles, let me add that although i am surrounded by group of well established black people I still feel that we are not the majority, (reference W.E.B.Dubois and his thoughts on the talented tenth or any other news article on crime and education of black people, even the ones done by our own people.)”

I must also ask, do you view yourself as a member of the Talented Tenth?

@B3 & @Daywalker..
Thanks for that! I was getting pretty offended reading the Dr.’s list! I know who I am, and I’m very confident in the woman I have become. I just didn’t like the thought of black men looking past me because I already have a child. After she was first born I was very insecure, and I was sure no man would want me then. It was very hard getting any man to date me because they thought I wanted them to play house. My daughter’s father is very active even though we are not together. Anyway, I’m good on that now. I’ll just continue to be the wonderful black woman that I KNOW I am. Big ups to all the wonderful black women doin’ you!!

Peace & Love

@Sydney,

I like you. We differ in our explanation of things but I like how you keep up.

I wasn’t educating you I was sharing my personally gathered information as a background as to why i have formed some of the opinions that I have.

Like the large number of Child Abuse cases being linked to the black mothers choice in men, and the large number of HIV and AIDS cases being linked to black woman’s choice in men. The large number of single parent multi-fathered homes of black women being linked to their poor choice in men. (patterns)

These are real things, thats all I am saying. And it needs to be addressed. ( I feel like I keep repeating myself )

Anyway if winning is what you want out of this conversation, you can win, You WIN. If it lets you get to the bigger issues. You Win.

@Dr. Hayden Drake

“We differ in our explanation of things but I like how you keep up.”

I am glad that you deem me worthy of conversation. My college education has had some
good use, indeed.

“I wasn’t educating you I was sharing my personally gathered information as a background as to why i have formed some of the opinions that I have.”

I must have misinterpreted your previous comment then. I did get the expression that you were not only trying to educate me, but other black women in the thread because you believe that you have reached a certain level that few other sisters inhabit. It’s clear to me – and you confirmed this with your disclosure of your previous “less privileged” environment – that educated, successful black people have not been your peers until recently. If they had been, you wouldn’t have the need to repeatedly state that you’re a “doctor” and you’re a member of various “exclusive” organizations.

“Like the large number of Child Abuse cases being linked to the black mothers choice in men, and the large number of HIV and AIDS cases being linked to black woman’s choice in men. The large number of single parent multi-fathered homes of black women being linked to their poor choice in men. (patterns)

These are real things, thats all I am saying. And it needs to be addressed. ( I feel like I keep repeating myself )”

Again, you did not enter the thread expressing your interest in solving societal issues. You unleashed a blanket generalization of black women and disclosed your perception of the education level, social standing, and other attributes of women reading your comments, i.e. the second list in which you asked how many sisters used certain language, wear weaves, and support Tyler Perry. You continue to state that these are issues that we must face as a community, but I fail to see where you have laid any accountability at the feet of your fellow men.

“Anyway if winning is what you want out of this conversation, you can win, You WIN. If it lets you get to the bigger issues. You Win.”

Winning is not my goal – It’s for you to see the fallacy of your viewpoints, which are rooted in stereotypes.

By the way, I want to address this excerpt as well:

“My list laid out the beautiful things about a woman, and the things that i feel separate her from the majority of black women that I have observed, (not in my social circles, but in the world)”

I must have missed the “beautiful” things you listed about a woman, and the majority of black women that you have observed appear to be from the “hood” in which you were raised. You have internalized a certain mindset, and you are right, it certainly does not stem from your “social circles.”

*has had some good use, indeed*

BOULE-S.P.A.W.N.

OOOOHHH Sydny we’d better stop using big words
You know some black people dont like when you do stuff like that. They call you elitist

Mr. Baphomet, What is the Baphomet Truth? Honestly? I am a Mason and I am very interested in what you might have to say as long as its not ignorant and is adult conversation.

What is the Baphomet Truth. I know what The Baphomet is but not what you are referring to, so enlighten me. Please.

I didn’t ask you who you were, ( reading is fundamental.

I asked you What is the Baphomet Truth?
Try to answer the question.

Its funny how you criticize my use of language then you do the same thing in your response.

Lol. At any rate, The question stilll stands What is the Baphomet truth?

not who is… what is…

Dr. Hayden Drake

HA! HA1 HA! The Baphomet Truth finds you amusing, manling. What we are, is beyond your comprehension, and do not look for our origins within the mindless conspiracy-ladened tomes of your man-written books and scriptures.

*Its funny how you criticize my use of language then you do the same thing in your response.*

HA! HA! HA! Unlike you, manling, The Baphomet Truth is a law unto itself…We are not confined to man written edicts of etiquette and decorum. We merely pointed out your transgressions as dictated by the rules you must live and adhere to, BOULE-S.P.A.W.N.

You did enough with that last statement to solidify my judgment of you as a fool.

What is this, science fiction, Get the fluck outa here.

Dr. Hayden Drake

HA! HA! HA! The Baphomet Truth is disappointed with you, BOULE-S.P.A.W.N.. Your use of cheap vulgarities, suchas “FLUCK” has just undermined your (until now) cultivated persona of “CIVILITY”. You’re not so “EVOLVED” afterall, eh? I’ve done my damage. CIAO!

@Baphomet Truth

LOL, you know you’re transparent, right? You use the same words whenever you troll. Run along now, Mr. de Sade. The Tiger threads are calling you.

@Dr. Hayden Drake

I just read your post, and I’ll formulate a response later. I appreciate your wife’s reply and observations. I don’t belong to a sorority (my mom is a member, however, and my father is a member of your husband’s frat), and I was a member of one of the organizations you posted.

I hope you’re having a good Saturday.

Sydney

LOL! Give me some credit, will ya’. You should know by now, I wouldn’t presume to a$$ume you’d woulnd’nt recognize my b.s…This was for the good doctor’s edification…C’mon, you gotta admit, his ego was screamin’ for me to get my “TROLL” on. You just got caught up in the cross-fire (a little bit).

@Dr. Hayden Drake, YOU HAVE TO BE THE MOST STUPID IDIOT EVER ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH.Just because your a doctor doesn’t make you better than no one else, you hear acting like your the best ever.F**K YOU oh am sure you’ll say that a black thing tooo,you so digusting

@Precious….

If I had even began to think that I might be wrong for the things that I said… re-reading what you wrote and how you wrote it, brought me back to reality….

WOW. We need better schools.

These sounds wonderful but why can’t I find a man who looks for those things? where are they?

no @Dr. Hayden Drake, you need a better school, oops i remember your a doctor now, umm that means even school couldn’t not help your stupidity, and FYI am a student in Kean University, yeh so technically your no better than anyone, dumbass.

PRECIOUS
12/13/09, 16:44:pm

no @Dr. Hayden Drake, you need a better school, oops i remember your a doctor now, umm that means even school couldn’t not help your stupidity, and FYI am a student in Kean University, yeh so technically your no better than anyone, dumb*****.

That being the case, then you (Precious) are indicative of the decline of higher liberal arts education. Your grammar and spelling is atrocious.

If you love yourself,then don’t find someone who does not like you for you!

[...] week’s post, “10 Things Men Love About Women” sparked a thread that drudged up some deeper issues that need to be addressed so be looking for [...]

[...] week’s post, “10 Things Men Love About Women” sparked a thread that drudged up some deeper issues that need to be addressed so be looking for [...]

I am a black women attending a top 20 university and I will say that there is a very noticeable absence of black male students on our campus. There are approximately 25 black males per class. I am not sure the exact number of black women. There are less black males, so it is easier to count and we have. I do not know the exact percentage, but I would generalize that there is a disproportionate amount of black women who attend a higher university than black men compared to the population of black men and women. I think this is one of the main problems that attributes to Dr. Hayden and other men making the generalization that there only a few black women out there who have 5 of the qualities on his list. I am not going to attack @Dr. Hayden for his very offensive and misogynist statements. However, I agree with Mr. de sade that your name-dropping of all the black elite organizations was very sickening. I am glad that you came from humble backgrounds and have prospered, but please dont think that makes you any kind of voice of authority. You attack the people and not the problem which does nothing more but aid it. Excuse me for my lack of punctuation. Anyways, I will try to address the problem. A large percentage of black men, at a young age, are encountered with many hurdles that are set in place to hinder their ability to see themselves as a man and individual. In elementary school, black boys (not all) are placed in special ed, held back, diagnosed with ADHD and other constructs that label them as different. After elementary school, there is the whole system of gender constructs along with the potrayal of black men in the media, that glorify the athletic, unsensitive, violent black man. You can raise your black son as well as the white family next door, but they will still have to confront these issues throughout their whole young life. For example, In CNN’s Black In America, the black middle class woman had to deal with the behavior of her son in class and his percieved image by the white teacher. The white teacher did not understand the boy and he was bored in class, so she immediately dismissed him. The middle class woman was fortunate to put be able to put him in private school, but what about those less fortunate? Growing up in less fortunate situation, I see many of the so called thugs who are smart and have a lot of common sense, but are trapped in that image. They need mentors and they need them at a young age. This all plays a role in how black men view black women. A person can not truly love and appreciate another when they can not love themselves. And when you mask your true self behind titles and characteristics, you are not really loving yourself. This also applies to the “strong” black woman. It’s not about graduating from the right schools and joining the right organizations and then finding a similar mate. Love is about loving yourself first for who you are and then finding another human being who you love for simply being themselves. For being kind, understanding, sensitive, thoughtful, etc. You can (try to) love a person because they work out and dont wear weave. Well those are shallow wordly things. Things that change with the times.

VERY INTERESTING PIECE, I’M GLAD I CHECKED IT OUT. THERE’S ALWAYS SOMETHING NEW TO GROW ON.