Monday, June 16th, 2008
Quote of The Day
Posted by Bossip Staff
Barack Obama and family attended the Apostolic Church of God in Chicago yesterday where he graciously dropped some fatherly knowledge:
“What I’ve realized is that life doesn’t count for much unless you’re willing to do your small part to leave our children — all of our children — a better world. Any fool can have a child. That doesn’t make you a father. It’s the courage to raise a child that makes you a father.”
Leave it to our man Barack to lay it out with class and honesty.
Obama ‘08 – Yes We Can!!!!
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Topics: Barack Obama, Bolitics
First!
2nd… or 3rd
You betta g’wan with your fatherly preaching Obama!
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Any fool can have a child. That doesn’t make you a father. It’s the courage to raise a child that makes you a father.
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I agree 100% I love my wife and kids!!
Leave it to cl*****y Obama to tell it like it is…. love you barack keep on representing Chicago and nem.. you make a sista feel real good to be from the same home town…see we can have a president from a gangsta city also… it aint where you from ghetto or whatever the f@ck.. it what you take with you!
If I had my dead beat fathers email address I would forward this to him….. I totally agree, it is time we take responsibility for our actions. It takes a lot more than just sperm to have and nurture a child.
He is absolutely correct. There is more to parenting than being a donor. My husband is a great father to our daughter & he’s good to me. Real good. lol
Brooklyn … whats up my twin…. i aint fell back yet but im lovin my honme town Chicago with obama and more .. im lovin it more and more!!!
go head Barack with your fine and super smart self..tell ‘em!
Negrodamus Believes it takes a village to raise a child, but a lot of stable families to build a village.
I like Obama addressing issues that socially handicap our community. These types of statements also show the true sickness of white people..They praise the Bill Cosby’s of the world for making such statements, but shun any notion,concept or plans to build black solidarity.
thats home town!!!! darn typos!!!!
Amen
This man is a modern day Prophet
Preach On
i totally agreee with him.
excellent, simply fantastic!
it’s ashamed that only 9 people had a comment to day on this topic.. and 3 don’t even count b/c it wasn’t a comment, meanwhile 124 had a comment about Ashanti. being a great father and husband is more important, than what Ashanti wore or any other celebrity for that matter. Our priorities are not straight/correct.
real talk:
yes, can we have a real discussion here….
I love this man, does he speak truth or what?!?!?!
Add this to the p*****ing on Tim Russert and how devoted he was to his son and his great relationship with his own dad and right about a bunch of folks should be hanging their heads in shame for NOT doing right by their kids. However, it’s never to late to start…
“Any fool can have a child. That doesn’t make you a father. It’s the courage to raise a child that makes you a father.”
…I love it!!! Preach Obama..PREACH!!
oops, ‘cuse my typos, but y’all get my drift…:-)
Negrodamus Believes white people like this rhetoric by Obama, but hate action or blueprints, with the words “black, for black” etc. etc..White people should understand that black solidarity, un-politicizing education and more black unity, is also a benefit to their quality of life as well..That’s the racism..No matter how successful you are, they still don’t see us as equals..That’s why we should replace them with pork.
it’s ashamed that only 9 people had a comment to day on this topic.. and 3 don’t even count b/c it wasn’t a comment, meanwhile 124 had a comment about Ashanti. being a great father and husband is more important, than what Ashanti wore or any other celebrity for that matter. Our priorities are not straight/correct.
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@lala
They just posted the topic…
You can’t 100 comments under 10 minutes…
@ ms braided beauty chicagos own stepper
Whatz goody sis? I’m lovin’ me some Chi-town right about know, lol!! Chi-town, Stand UP!
that is so right , let it be kim k ’s fake butt injection and you get 1000 posts on why black men date non black women…and what they think is so bad about black women.. but its strange b/c you never hear white men putting white women down after they date out of their race… white men put the black man down but never talk bad about their women… take heed!!!!
@lala,
My hope is that alot of us are at lunch, and will make their comments upon their return.
Obama’s daughters are so beautiful
“I like Obama addressing issues that socially handicap our community. These types of statements also show the true sickness of white people..They praise the Bill Cosby’s of the world for making such statements, but shun any notion,concept or plans to build black solidarity.”
Can I ask, honestly and sincerely, what the white man has to do with black males making babies and abandoning them?!?!?
I’ve noticed over time the black males tendency to blame others for his inability to do what the very people he is blaming seem to do, regularly, just fine… Though there are dead beat dads in EVERY RACE GROUP – the white man doesn’t seem to be plagued by the child abandonment issues that the black male is – so how is it his fault that the black male is?!?!?
Amen Obama Amen!
“that is so right , let it be kim k ’s fake butt injection and you get 1000 posts on why black men date non black women…and what they think is so bad about black women.. but its strange b/c you never hear white men putting white women down after they date out of their race… white men put the black man down but never talk bad about their women… take heed!!!!”
AMEN!!! Black males always want to talk abotu the black womans attitude but never about the things he does that cause that attitude.. A black male white woman thread would have 1000 posts lke yo usaid, but noone wants to discuss black males abandoning their babies…
SMDH!!!
Brooklyn… what up bro? BUST-A-NUT LOL! seriously, lovin me some chitown,,, they showed on the news Obama stared this real men cook thing in chicago and it took off nation wide… they showed the black fathers in chicago ( and other cities) bbqueing and bonding with their families…. love that since the black man is always put down like none take care of their kids…. bullcrap, i got a cousin who got all 6 of his kids, and two of them are by his first girlfriend, he takes care of all of them!
No question, Obama is right… I love my kids and know it’s my job to make sure they are raised right. It’s starts w/ individual responsibility!
@SMDH
If you understood my post you’d realize I was making a seperate point..Wait a minute…Why am I addressing you as a person?
Don’t they ban shirtless, teethless, 8 day in a row cargo short wearing, bike stealing bandits in the park, from the public libary?
Great commentary…but the ones that really need to hear it…will they?
He’ll have to take this speech to every urban street corner in America…then pray that the message seeps in.
God help the people!
SMDH….. i agree with you on this one… and i read an article thats said.. kids without a father in the home will end up being thugs and murderers and no good… hey i dont believe nothing i hear (im like bernie mac) i dont believe nothing until i see it, obama said he father left when he was 2, and look he is about to be president… i dont let *****ody define my pattern in life for me.. i define me and the you can follow my damn trail!
So proud of him and he is speaking the truth! It does take a man and real father to take that responsibility. We women take it day in and day out and it feels good when men step up and do their parts as well. He is saying something true, that has been said time and time again. I hope it really starts to count for something as our children need their fathers just as much as they need their mothers. ALL FATHERS….of any race….STEP UP, BE A MAN AND BE A FATHER to these children out here. And it isn’t solely in the black community either. I know quite a few white friends of mines whose sperm donors have skipped out on them as well. SMDH @ all the people who can bust a nut but not deal with the repurcussions of that action.
@lala, ummm maybe there’re so few posts because we have some deadbeat dads among us. *shrugging* Again, it’s never to late to turn things around.
Oh, and on another note, I know that folks are talking about Kobe and all the pics with his kids…why not? It’s encouraging to know that those two girls have a father who is “present”…who could hate on that?
and then after the white man puts the black man down he has the nerve to put the black woman down saying she is the reason the black man dates white women… pulease cnt *****ody make me date out of my race,, if one balck man is not right for me i find another… but thats me, you do you and im gonna do me…black men are really looking good to me! always have and always will! b/c my father was no good but my step father was awesome.. but that didnt make me run to others races talking crap about my race of men!
I cram to understand why Black men leave their children in droves.
Fatherlessness is an underrated pandemic in the Black Community. It’s the reason why so many of our youth are so angry, depressed, and sexually abused; cause there’s no father in the home.
It’s the elephant in the room that no one wants to talk about; cause we’re so busy praising single mothers all the damn time.
Well I was raised by a single mother; and being a single mother sucks. Yes! You do what you have to do as a mother; but being a single mother is not a charmed life. And no matter how powerful your cape is sista you can’t make up for the imbalance of not having a strong man in the home.
Now I know single mothers are gonna get up in arms because whenever you challenge the statistics of fatherlessness black women do tend to get on defensive and take ***** personal. And yes! It takes two to tango; but at the end of the day you have to live with the choices you’ve made and that includes who you lay with.
All the more reason more why I love Michelle and Barack. Michelle chose a good brother; and its time us sisters start following those kind of examples.
I’m really sorry to say this (not really)…
BUT HOW DUMB DO YOU FOLKS THAT KEEP writing “First”, 1st, 1st *****es, 2nd, and all the other senerios you use…think we are?
DO YOU KNOW THAT WE CAN COUNT …and we see your name FIRST, second, third?
I think that is the stupidest thing for a bunch of so called grown-***** people to do…STOP IT!!!!!!
SMDH!
“Don’t they ban shirtless, teethless, 8 day in a row cargo short wearing, bike stealing bandits in the park, from the public libary?”
Which translates into:
I have nothing to say to your statement in the black males defense.. You are absolutely right that we like to sit back and blame others for our issues even when the one we are blaming do not share our issues.. I just have a good thing in blaming everyone for the black male being sorry, and under the race card play its worked so well, that I don’t want to give it up.. Perhaps one day the black male will take personal responsibility but not today.. I have it too easy not taking responsibility for my own actions..
SMDH!!!
I AGREE WITH OBAMA. THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO ARE UPSET WITH HIS STATEMENTS ARE THE ONES WHO ARE OUT THERE BEING “NO GOOD FATHERS”. Also, just because you have MONEY doesn’t make it alright to have multiple children, like all of these Ballers who make babies in every state they visit. That’s not cute…..that’s IRRESPONSIBLE. I grew up in the house with my daddy and now I am married, raising our daughter with my husband. I love my father and husband very much…..mainly because I am proud of them. STEP UP MEN AND TAKE RESPONSIBILTIY FOR YOUR CHILDREN.
MY FAVORITE FAMILY . Barack could never do any wrong in my eyess.
@Afiya,
I’m really sorry to say this (not really)…
BUT HOW DUMB DO YOU FOLKS THAT KEEP writing “First”, 1st, 1st *****es, 2nd, and all the other senerios you use…think we are?
DO YOU KNOW THAT WE CAN COUNT …and we see your name FIRST, second, third?
I think that is the stupidest thing for a bunch of so called grown-***** people to do…STOP IT!!!!!!
SMDH!
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You’re entitled to your opinion-however, it’s harmless fun-if you don’t like it, then simply don’t do it.
This man soooo represents me!
LOL at the Secret Service man behind Michelle and the girls…he looks so out of place.
Hi “Just Sit”….when you get a chance, check out MSNBC and watch Luke Russert’s interview on the Today show this am…you can see the father in the son. Luke did really well considering the cir*****stances and there are some moving picture there as well.
Women, please choose better men and leave these thugs alone. It takes two fools to have a child, a fool and the foolish woman who hooked up with him.
Funny how this hasn’t inspired as many comments as the posts about bull—-! As a grown woman who is STILL dealing with the repercussions of an absent father, I can say Mr. Obama is 100% correct. Men have no clue what is does to a child to abandon them. The scars can last a lifetime.
Harlem Chic
I totally co-sign to your comments.
I implore people not to just have children without thinking of the real-life repercussions after the baby showers and naming the baby etc. I live in NYC recent transplant and all I see if single latina and black women onthe trains struggling with baby strollers and kids. I rarely see white women/ asian women doing the same thing. Now, I am not trying to call anyone out but it’s like ugh….I wish that I didn’t see that so much.
Very well said Mr. President
The women are at fault too…
**I’ll get to the men in my next comment…
When you as a woman decide to sleep with a man that you can clearly see doesn’t have ANY GOOD QUALITIES/CHARACTERISTICS of being a Father or in the least Husband — without proper protection – than in my opinion, then women should bear SOME of the blame too…
*Aren’t there over 10 types of pregnancy prevention choices/methods available for women?
If you just wanna have sex for fun and don’t want to bring a child into this world when you’re not ready – financially or emotionally then maybe you should make it your business to make sure that you don’t get pregnant…
ESPECIALLY when it’s clear that the man is = a liar, immature, BROKE, can’t hold a job, irresponsible, the only time he’s on time is when you’re going to give him some coochie, not trustworthy, still living at home with his/her parents, etc…
@Harlem Chic
They leave because they can’t live up to the hype…they are so concerned about their own selfish needs and it’s real hard to care about their child’s needs…let the mother do it.
I’m thankful that I’ve been surrounded with real good men in my life…and I let them know it!
“I think that is the stupidest thing for a bunch of so called grown-***** people to do…STOP IT!!!!!!”
I KNOW I have often wondered how much time does one have on their hands to sit around all day waiting for new threads so they can post 1st!! I guess unemployment is a real *****, huh?!?!
@Slide
“ESPECIALLY when it’s clear that the man is = a liar, immature, BROKE, can’t hold a job, irresponsible, the only time he’s on time is when you’re going to give him some coochie, not trustworthy, still living at home with his/her parents, etc…”
AMEN. Women need to make better choices and stop hooking up with these men. Maybe if they see that they can’t get acceptance from women they’ll decide to straighten up, get a job and be responsible. But no, women love these thugs and losers, and they will continue to impregnate women as they have no reason to do otherwise.
It’s CHILDISH @ Aunt Viv…and you know it…so STOP IT…your a grown-***** woman…act like it!
YEW WE CAN!!!
@ harlem chic
I agree with most of your post until the very last comment
everyone knows that men pick and choose if they want to be in a child’s life or not-it has nothing to do with if they can be a good father it’s if they choose to, how about divorce women who are single mothers now-I’m certain their husbands didn’t give the impression that if things didn’t work out they wouldn’t be there for their children, and the same goes for any woman whose been in a relationship with a man, they rarely show the signs that they aren’t going to be around for the long haul- (some do, but we aren’t talking about sheniqua with 5 different baby daddys)
Being a single-mother is tough in deed, but I be damned if someone is going to try and give me a guilt trip for being the one that actually stays and raises the child-
a man walking away from his child is his own doing and trust me I have seen men in corporate america and dudes from the hood in family court fighting to be apart of their children’s lives -so don’t blame the mother whose doing her best to raise a healthy child if the man walks away-and in fact Obama is proof that a child can grow up healthy & successful, in a single parent household.
One parent that loves you and supports you is always better than growing up in a house where the mother is enduring abuse, physical or emotional just for the sake of the childdren-all two-parent households aren’t healthy
would I prefer a two-parent household?-of course it would lessen the strain on me but I refuse to force myself to be with a man that isn’t healthy for me or my child.
Being a parent shouldn’t become an option once the relationship ends-you should be a parent irregardless………
@ Slide like a fresh pair:
I agre with you if these were the only men abandoning their children.. Black males from ALL WALKS OF LIFE abandon their babies..
My brother was one of those brothers who went to a white woman and gave black women a bad rap… he said that was the worsr thing he ever done… b/c when he got around her white friends and family all they did was talk bad about blacks ( in a subtle way0 like they do, he said he hurried up back and he now has a beautiful black woman, 2 kids, bought a nice home and he is there every hour of the day in his kids life and he loves the ground his beautiful black wife walks on… he said he learned the hard way.. said every timre he saw a black woman reminded him of our mom and he put all that love out there to black women!!
Babygirl looks just like her Daddy……
too cute.
“Being a single-mother is tough in deed, but I be damned if someone is going to try and give me a guilt trip for being the one that actually stays and raises the child-”
AMEN!! AMEN!! AMEN!! I always say, how do you blame the person who stays behind once the sorry ***** daddy leaves and does BOTH roles?!??!
Its just like the condoning of R Kelly’s rapist ***** while blaming the 13 year old girl.. Black people need ot start laying blame where blame is due and stop blaming everyone around the black males sorry ***** for his issues…
@ BellaY
Funny how this hasn’t inspired as many comments as the posts about bull—-! As a grown woman who is STILL dealing with the repercussions of an absent father, I can say Mr. Obama is 100% correct. Men have no clue what is does to a child to abandon them. The scars can last a lifetime.
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AMEN to this. Yes the scars do last a lifetime. I am living proof of that as well.
YEAH JUST WHAT WE NEED SOMEONE ELSE BLAMING SINGLE-MOMS FOR EVERYTHING FROM THE CRIME RATE TO TSUNAMI
PICK BETTER MEN THATS ALL OF YOUR SOLUTIONS TO “MEN” NOT BEING FATHERS TO THEIR CHILDREN
I’VE ALWAYS SAID THIS WE WILL RAISE OUR DAUGHTERS BUT TURN A BLIND EYE TO THE BOYS-
WHEN YOU ARE TEACHING JOHNNY TO BE A PLAYER WITH ONE WOMAN OR ANOTHER-DO YOU THINK HE IS A CANDIDATE FOR A GOOD FATHER
HOW ABOUT FATHERS TEACHING THEIR BOYS TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR ACTIONS
SO THE PERSON WHO ACTUALLY TAKES REPSONSIBILITY FOR THEIR ACTIONS AND STAYS AND RAISES THE CHILD IS THE EASY TARGET TO BEAT UP ON-THAT’S THE THANKS WE GET FOR ACTUALLY HOLDING IT DOWN
AND YOU WONDER WHY THERE IS A CRISIS IN BLACK AMERICA-BECAUSE YOU BEAT DOWN THE ONLY CONSTANT FIGURE IN BLACK COMMUNITYIES “BLACK MOTHERS” IF IT WEREN’T FOR BLACK MOTHERS “SINGLE” AT THAT -WHERE THE HELL WOULD SO MANY OF YOU UNGRATEFUL AZZES BE?
I GUESS YOUR MAMA SHOULD HAVE MADE A BETTER CHOICE, ABSENT FATHERS DIDN’T JUST START HAPPENING-SO ARE YOU SPEAKING ABOUT YOUR MOTHERS WHEN YOU SAY THIS NONSENSE?
I don’t even respect men that don’t even act as good fathers to their children…
I JUST CAN’T!
I had to cut a friend back because of that issue – because I lost respect for him…
This dude would talk more about getting pu$$y in the state that his son lived in – rather than talking about visiting his son (who lived within distance of these women he was visiting)…
It would disgust me and dude was 34 and older than me…
I’m looking at him, like ni@@a – in this story that you’re telling me about you going to visit these broads, are you gonna include a visit to see your own seed…
And then got the nerve on occ*****ion to tell me about how it breaks his heart to see how his son responded when he was trying to leave after visiting him…
There is no defense or excuse for a Black man not to take care of his child. No woman should have to force a man (via court system) to care for his own son or daughter. Personally, I have no answer. I have two children and could not imagine not taking care of them. I get nervous if I haven’t heard from them 15 minutes after school gets out, so to just be a dead beat dad is something that I can honestly not comprehend. Maybe because my father was there for me (and my brothers), his father was there, etc. My pops gave me some advice a long time ago that could help females if you really want to know if a man is ready for children: He asked me “What is the most important thing a man can do for his family?” My reply was “Take care of them.” He told me I was wrong and said, “The most important thing a man can do for his family is take care of HIMSELF. Otherwise, how can he take care of anyone else?” So, ladies if your father-to-be-prospect is unemployed (or unemployable), living with their mother, no bank account, etc. (you know the type) then he is not ready to be a father to your child. I know, it takes two to make a baby, but when it comes to sex you do hold the “trump card”.
all i can say im proud of my dad. he was there since i remember,until the day he p*****ed away RIP Dad.
@intenzemocha
I agree…my son (15) and his father get along like oil and water…they are always disagreeing about something and I’m always put in the middle…I go hide (smile)…but no matter how much they don’t get along…my son best get it in his head that his dad ain’t going no where (his dad’s words)…and my son is like “DAMN!” lol
Shouts to all the real fathers handling their business when it comes to parenting and raising theirs. I love my job!!
I thank God for my Dad on more days than just Father’s Day.
I show him love.
So, I just shelled out $ yesterday and he seemed to be okay with it…….
hI! Ms. Braided & BK!
@Afiya,
It’s unfortunate that you’ve chosen a post about something positive to complain about something so inconsequential. This is Bossip, not the Wall Street Journal. Thank you for your advice, but unless you’ve become my mother, I’ll do as I please. Have a good day.
Love Love Barack!!! He’s so real and down to earth…Apostolic Church is definatly a better fit for him. Laying it down for Chi-Town!
Whatz goody Ms. Lauren?
““Being a single-mother is tough in deed, but I be damned if someone is going to try and give me a guilt trip for being the one that actually stays and raises the child-”
AMEN!! AMEN!! AMEN!! I always say, how do you blame the person who stays behind once the sorry ***** daddy leaves and does BOTH roles?!??!
Its just like the condoning of R Kelly’s rapist ***** while blaming the 13 year old girl.. Black people need ot start laying blame where blame is due and stop blaming everyone around the black males sorry ***** for his issues”
Nods in agreement to SMDH
“Some days it ain’t sunny but it ain’t so hard
Just breaks my heart
When my momma try to provide and I tell her ‘That ain’t your job’
To be a man, she try to make me understand
That she my number one fan”
@The Ladies
And beyond getting pregnant, y’all need to protect yourselves due to the fact that African American woman make-up the largest percertage of new cases of HIV/Aids…
And Aids is the LEADING cause of death for African American Women ages 25 – 34…
And one of the top 3 causes of death for women 35 -44.
@ hey ms lauren… hows it going lady.. im just on here stomping for my chi-town brother obama and all the shot outs to the real fathers doing their job and not complaining about it or complaining about black women!! kudos to all of them… and keep taking care of your beautiful dughter!
dang my booty cant even spell today… thats daughter”"lol!!
We ALL need to protect ourselves…….they contracted it from someone more likely than not……
I’m just sayin.
@Illimunate Truth
I agree with your comments wholeheartedly
especially about a man whose not taking care of himself, but some men who have jobs and stay fresh to death in the latest gear and the hottest ride will ride right past their baby mama with “their” child at the bus stop.
It has to be instilled in a man to take responsibility for his actions and if you ask me-the reason why it’s seems like an even bigger epidemic now is these men harbor anger & resentment towards their own absent dads and are just following their lead, by not being around-they figure my daddy wasnt there for me, so *****ody can make me be there for mine.
Your right we as women do hold the trump card when it comes to sex-I have two children an adult son 22 and a toddler, two different dads one holds it down and the other didn’t only differnce I could see between the two is they both were raised in a two-parent home so dad was around, but one had parents that always bailed him out whenever he got into trouble and he was never held acccountable for his actions that is until his azz got locked up-
It’s about character either you have it or you don’t
@ D’Original….
PROTECTION IS THE KEY!! I tell that to the young people all the time….
But the most important thing is that we not only preach this to our young ladies but also our young men….they are the ones.
Give us the statistics on the brothas dying of AIDS
I agree AIDS is an issue but don’t act like you are concerned for just us ladies, who in the hell do you think we are contracting it from each other?
LOL-we as women are more likely to get tested and be seen by a doctor we all know that alot of men don’t go to the dr’s for a regular physical less known a damn AIDS test-if the statistics is high for us women its probably quadrupled for black men
@ Ms. Braided…
Yes…I agree! My daughter is blessed to have a wonderful father, I quite frankly wouldn’t know what to do if he wasn’t in her life like my dad was/is is mine. Kudos to all the women who have to be the father and the mother…no matter what the cir*****stances maybe, also KUDOS to the women who don’t feel a need to constantly hate the father of their child for not being there for whatever matter but SUPPORTING her child and giving him/her the best life possible….
@ Afiya
It sounds like your son and his Dad (props to him for being just that)are going through that “alpha male” thing. I’m going through the same thing with my son (he’s about the same age) and it really comes down to him just trying to claim his manhood. His father is doing the right thing by being persistant. I know with my son, that he is at the age where he will HEAR me now but LISTEN to me later when he sees the real deal in the world. In the mean time, I just try to meet him in his world some time (video games, crappy TV, etc.). This at least gives us common ground to work from.
@Lisa, hey girl *cyber waving*…I’m sure you all had a great Father’s Day.
About the interview, I watch the Today Show while getting ready for work, so I was able to see it. Isn’t that young man something? I couldn’t believe how well he was able to maintain his composure.
To abandon your child is worst than being an animal in my book…..These Black men sometime act like they are heartless with no affection. How can any one man/woman abandon their child?
vgeezy(Check me out!)
To abandon your child is worst than being an animal in my book…..These Black men sometime act like they are heartless with no affection. How can any one man/woman abandon their child?
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Are you implying that only BLACK MEN abandon their children??
Even though I agree with statements saying “it takes 2″
TODAY
Barack’s statement isn’t geared at the Ladies, it’s geared at the Men.
Just take it in….take care of your children and not point fingers today.
Today is about taking responsibility for what you do and don’t do.
Tomorrow he may have a message for black women.
My father is a career criminal. When he was around it felt like Christmas and he would use his stolen money or whatever (learned this later…didn’t know this as a youngster) to buy me whatever to make up for the fact that he wasn’t around. He used to call once a month from jail and talk to me and was upset that at 10 I decided to stop visiting him. He uses jail as a revolving door. Now my brother has huge emotional issues (as do I) about the fact that Steve (dad) wasn’t around. We blame ourselves, like well if we weren’t born he wouldn’t have to burglarize places and steal money for us. But the truth is because he won’t talk to us about it (he always claims he was in the wrong place at the wrong time)we come up with all types of thoughts and reasons for his actions.
My father used to take care of my daughter on one of his out of jail sessions. Claiming he was turning his life around and wants to be in his granddaughter’s life. After he was arrested this last time he told us he was on drugs and all this crap. I am like WTF?? And you had my baby (yes there are really functioning drug addicts out there…I truly had no clue). He blames his parents death and pretty much everything and everyone under the sun for his problems.
The emotional and mental backlash of his actions have affected us greatly. My brother is 15 years older than me and still is suffering from not having this man in his life. We both have serious trust issues, my brother abuses alcohol, I stuggle with drug addiction, we have millions of unanswered questions. I mean the lsit goes on and on. Not trying to solely blame him but a lot of things that exist have to do with the fact that he was Santa Claus in my life instead of a father. I had no example of a strong black figure in my household or really in my family, so many of the choices I have made with men, for example, truly do revert back to the type of man my dad is. A lot of them go in and out of jail, a lot of them lie, make promises they don’t/can’t keep…pretty much younger versions of Steve.
My mom did her best. Worked 5 jobs over points in times to keep me in private school and had me in dance programs and everything…but truthfully in the long run that helped but it didn’t fill the void of my father missing. I started seeing men at a young age and many of them were much older than me. Like a fatherly-figure age.
So I applaud all the real fathers out there. Absentee fathers really don’t know the type of damage that they do to the children and how their absence plays a part in the way a child is formed, grows up, loves, trusts, even funtions at points in times. Children need a male, to talk to, look up to, see, grow with, etc. Anyone who has a child and is not invovled really ought to be more than just ashamed of themselves. Although you may not be truly setting them up for failure, you are setting them up for difficulties in other aspects of their lives that you may not even consider. I hope some absentee father reads my story or one of the many stories out here and decides to change his ways. When my dad was around money was all it was about. What do you want, we can do this, take a trip here, whatever. But i would give that all back, to have a father, even if he was broke, in my life, teaching me things that I may still not know, helping me ride my bike, just a phone call (or bedroom) a way when I had issues or needed to talk. Sometimes it isn’t always about having money or this and that….the kids JUST WANT YOU…whatever that may entail….we just want you there, present, involved.
SORRY IT IS SO LONG.
BTW @ VGEEEZY, I agree with your statement, although I thought it should have been worded differently
sistah lady catching holy ghost! secret bodyguard just wishes he was anywhere but there!
Once again Obama is telling it like it is.
Women should observe a man’s character before risking to becoming pregnant and men should be more responsilbe and take a role in their children’s lives
While I didn’t have a “father” in the traditional sense, you’d better believe every uncle, grandfather, old man around the corner kept an eye on me and other kids in our neighborhood. My mother was very open with me about their being young and in love when THEY had gotten pregnant and made sure I understood my dad’s decision to not be there wasn’t my fault, and that I should work hard to not make the same mistake THEY did. She made it very clear that she was just as responsible for his not being there as he was, but as I got older, I truly see it was him, not her. She had an open door policy for him to come into my life and he never did.
She also made it clear that I wasn’t to make the same mistake and to get a good man in my life that wanted a family BEFORE we start a family. True, you don’t know what tomorrow may bring, and the person you loved today may pull a Jekyll and Hyde and completely walk out of your life one day, but you know a no good man before he even sleeps with you. We as black women need to stand up and accept responsibility for what’s going on around us. As I stated, I didn’t have a father, but I did have positive black male and female role models in my life so I knew what I could become, what I wanted in a man, and what I wouldn’t accept.
Black men, well, ALL MEN, should have the same standards for the men they *****ociate themselves with. If your homeboys are no good men who just make babies and leave, and you continue to kick it at all hours with them instead of telling them to go pick up their kids, read a couple of books with them, take them to the library/park, then you are no better than they are. You need to encourage your friends to take care of their kids just as you encourage them to get that new ride, go hit on that hoochie at the bar, start a fight, etc. Same goes for women, stop hanging with these girls who have too many kids and can’t see past payday to build a true future for their family or for themselves.
Now, before someone jumps down my throat, I’m not vilifying all single mothers, because my mother did a great job with me, as did my grandmother who had to raise her 3 kids, pay a mortgage, and have a social life after her abusive husband left. Two of my best friends had kids young and have amazing smart, funny, well behaved children that are a joy to be around. I had to let some of my childhood friends go who gave up on themselves and weren’t doing anything for their families, they just keep having babies, want to go to the club, and don’t want to work. Some women act like we have to accept things the way they are because as a single mother that’s your cross to bear. Single mothers are a gift to their children, you show us how to survive, how to keep going, and how to pick a mate when you do settle down. My mother surrounded herself with good men, so I was able to benefit and learn from that. But before we keep wagging our fingers at these men, we need to take a look at ourselves as black women.
They claim that i’m violent
Just cuz I refuse to be silent
These hipocrits are havin fits
Cuz i’m not buying it, defying it
Envious, because I will rebel against
Any oppresor, and this is known as self defense
I show no mercy, they claim that i’m tha Lunatic
But when tha ***** gets thick, i’m tha one you go and get
Don’t look confused, tha truth is so plain ta see
Cause i’m tha ***** that you sell-outs are ashamed to be
And every jeep and and every car, brother stomp this
I’m never ignorant, getten goals accomplished
Tha underground railroad on an uprise
This time tha truth is getten told
Heard enough lies
I told’em fight back, attack on society
If this is violence then violent’s what I gotta be
If you investigate you’ll find out where it’s coming from
Look through our history, Americas tha violent one
Unlock my brain, break tha chains of your misery
This time tha pay back for evil ***** you did too me
They call me militant, racist cuz i will resist
You wanna censor something
Motha*****a censor this!
My words are weapons, and i’m stepin to tha sirens
Wakin up tha m*****es
But you, claim that i’m violent
Chorus
(with tons of scratching in the chorus)
***** a damn cop, (they claim’in that i’m violent)
Just because we play what tha people want, (Violent)
***** a damn cop, (they claim’in that i’m violent)
Just because we play what tha people want, (Violent)
***** a damn cop, (they claim’in that i’m violent)
Tha cops can’t stand me, but they can’t touch me
Call me a dope man, cause I rock dope beats
Jacked by tha police, didn’t have my ID
I said, excuse me, why ya tryin ta rob me
He had tha nerve to, say that I had a curfew
Get out tha car, or i’lI hurt you
So here I go, I better make my mind up
Pick my 9 up or hit tha line up
I choose B steped into tha streets
Tha first cop grabed me, tha other ripped my seat
They grabed my homie and then threw him to tha concrete
(what ya doin man) they tried ta frame me
They tried ta say I had some dope in tha back seat
But, i’m a rap fiend, not a crack fiend
My homie panicked, he tried ta run
(freeze *****) I heard a bullet fire from tha cops gun
My homie dropped, so I hit tha cop
I kept swingin, Yo, I couldn’t stop
Before I knew it, I was beaten tha cop senseless
Tha other cop dropped his gun, he was defenseless
Now i’m against this cop who was racist
Given him a taste, of tradin places
And all this, cause tha peckerwood was tryin ta frame us, but
I came up
Now they claiming that i’m violent
Chorus
(with tons of scratching in the chorus)
***** a damn cop, (they claim’in that i’m violent)
Just because we play what tha people want, (Violent)
***** a damn cop, (they claim’in that i’m violent)
Just because we play what tha people want, (Violent)
***** a damn cop, (they claim’in that i’m violent)
As I was beatin on a cop, I heard a gun click
Then tha gun shot, but I wasn’t hit
I turned around it was my homie with tha gun in hand
He shot tha cop, now he’s a dead man
I said, come on, it’s time for us ta get away
They called for back up, and they’ll be on their way
Jumped in tha car, and tried ta get away quick
Tha car wouldn’t start, we in deep *****
So we jumped out, (come on, let’s take tha cops car)
We drove a little ways thinking that we got far
But I looked up and all I saw was blue lights
If I die tonight, i’m dying in a gun fight
I grabed tha AK, my homie took tha 12 gauge
Load’em up quick, it’s time for us ta spray
We’ll shot’em up with they own *****in weapons
And when we threw spraying, then we steppin
This is a lesson, to tha rednecks and crooked cops
You ***** with real *****s, get ya *****in ***** dropped
So here we go, tha police against us
Dark at dusk, and waiting for tha guns ta bust
What’s next, I don’t know and I don’t care
One things for sure, tommorrow I won’t be here
But if I go, i’m taken all these punks with me
P***** me a clip G, now come get me
You wanna sweat me, never get me to be silent
Givin them a reason, (a reason)
Ta claim that i’m violent…
Chorus
(with tons of scratching in the chorus)
***** a damn cop, (they claim’in that i’m violent)
Just because we play what tha people want, (Violent)
***** a damn cop, (they claim’in that i’m violent)
Just because we play what tha people want, (Violent)
***** a damn cop, (they claim’in that i’m violent)
Just because we play what tha people want….
@I’m Just Me…Wow…girl I wanna give you a big ole cyber {{{{{{{hug}}}}}}}}!!
ms lauren… yes sweets, you are very lucky with your pretty daughter, my daughter is 13 and she is beautiful also, i never mentioned it but her dad got killed in chi when i was pregnant with her, he rubbed my belly and said its a girl.. and she will be beautiful, he would have made a wonderful dad, but some oh i hate to even say felt the need to take him out at 24 years old, she looks just like him , but my family is so big there is lot of male fiqures in her life and she tells me everything that is in her life .. we are real close! but like my mom always said if you a rose , you are a rose by any other name (song by teena marie and gerald levert)!
@ IlluminateTruth
Yep…your right.
My husband is clueless to the video games…but they compete heavily on the court…and when I finally see them two look at each other and have a hearty laugh…MANNNN, I savor the moment…cause it’s gonna be awhile before I see it again
I can see them laughing about these times in the future…as with your son…keep up the good work IlluminateTruth…no one said it would be easy.
@ intenzemocha
You bring up really valid points. Any man regardless of his situation still has to be a man. Most men, young and older, don’t know the meaning of sacrifice and how much sacrafice it takes to raise a child. I mean, I would love to have the new ‘09 80,000 dollar car (name a model, any model) but my local school system is horrible so I am sending my son to private school and preparing to do the same for my daughter. Meanwhile, I’ll deal with the car I have for as long as I can. I’m not complaining at all. I couldn’t have it any other way. I give alot of respect to any woman who holds it by herself but zero respect for any man who puts her in that position.
@ All men
If you are dating a girl with children and you are not ready to be in the child’s life to some degree than do yourself, the woman and the children a favor….dismiss yourself.
@ Brooklyn, Stand Up! Thank you for the post- I love my wife and kids it made me
! Familiy is great!!!
I’m Just Me,
I feel you on the issues you go through because of your dad. My mother and her sibs have a hard time dealing with a veteran who wouldn’t get physocoligical help and had an alcohol problem, and one of my closest friend has a father who is now in prison. My mother would say not having a father guarantees a happy family, but you will learn from him good or bad. My heart goes out to you girl.
OBAMA 08 yes we can!!!!!!!!!!!
I agree what are the statistics of AIDS in men…where are the ladies getting it from. And it isn’t just down low men p*****ing it back to our ladies it is straight men who are cheating and whoring around. Protect yourself people but even more so GET TESTED. There are treatments out there and regardless it is more important to know. We must stop being scared to go get tested. I have a friend up here where I live and she is like her man is clean and I am like how do you know you have busted him cheating time and time again…she is like well because I get tested regularly. And I am like that is not sufficient. Make him tkae responsibility. Each and everytime he cheats you both go together and get tested. It shouldn’t always be up to one person. Relationships are two way streets and both partners (hetrosexual or homosexual) need to take responsibility FOR PROTECTING EACH OTHER by knowing their status and keeping it that way.
@ Ms Braided….damn girl, I couldn’t even imagine, but then again being from a simialr city (Philly) I could. A man was shot to death even yesterday on FATHER’S DAY here, its like we have no regards for anyone…so sad, but wow you have a 13 year old and your close? Thats amazingly healthy lol…seriously though…imagine what you didn’t tell your mom at 13 that your daughter can openly speak to you about? Thats a beautiful thing right ther….
similar*
@ I’m just me…
Keep your head up…you seem to be a very strong person!
@ t(Check me out!)
@ Brooklyn, Stand Up! Thank you for the post- I love my wife and kids it made me
! Familiy is great!!!
=========================================
Your Welcome!
@I’m Just Me
Thank you for sharing that…
I too, hope someone who needs to read it does…
@I’m Just Me
THANK YOU for sharing that…I pray that your negatives turn into a positives and God fills your life with blessings. Keep the FAITH!!
HUG!!
@I’m Just me
Brooklyn sends his luv to you!!
@ lauren
looking at Barack, is it me or is he the most finest president we will ever have i just pulled up a link where we could view all 54 pres and he will be the first fine one, he reminds me of my dad!!!
@ ms bb
damn firl i had no idea but im glad it made you a stronger person… and im even more glad you have a beautiful 13 yr old to remind you of him , that always helps with good memories
@ everyone…
I’m just me should get a cyber hug for that story…
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
my dad has always been there for me, african dad always last longer than……….. u say the rest!!!
@Ms Braided Beauty
I’m sorry that you had to go through that twin. Much luv from big bro!! Always stay positive sis!!!
@ JSABP and Whatsyoursismine
Thanks y’all. I am a lot better about it then I used to be. I tried so hard to build a relationship with that man. But you know what, for the sake of my sanity and my self I had to let it go. I had to let go of any hope of that man and kick him to th curb. He has a problem and until he can get it dealt with he is no good to anyone else.
I just wanted parents especially men to know their role in a child’s life is very important and to never think that by leaving or not being involved everything will be a…okay. Sometimes it is,but often it isn’t. And there is a cycle of absenteeism being taught to our children.
I just have to tell yall that I just sent my child to St. Croix, the U.S. Virgin Islands, this Sunday to be with her Daddy for a month. She has seen her Daddy once, for a week, when she was 8 yrs. And has not seen him since. He moved back to St. Croix from New Jersey when she was 4yrs. I could hate on her Dad, which I did do for a while. Or her Dad and I could forgive each other for our past faults. The child support was not always there nor his presence. But I will not destroy my daughter’s view of Black men by saying her father was a horrible person, or other Black men, or men in general for that matter.
Even though things were not all ways “civil” between us, we have talked frequently, and our daughter has not heard us argue about her or with each other. Sometimes you have to be mature and think of the future of your children, even if you want to, “lay someone out” or royally, “blow up their spot”. This month will be a hard month without my girl, but her, her Dad and her Nana are ecstatic. And I am happy for them.
I watched the speech it was great.
@ im hust me
damn girl kick the statistics, i have a full PROOF WAY TO MAKE SURE THAT EVERYONE IS AWARE OF HIV/AIDS AND GETS TESTED… YALL READY…. LET LITTLE WAYNE PUT A SONG ON THE CARTER 4(HIS NEXT CD) ABOUT GETTING TESTED AND BEING INFORMED ON AIDS… I BETCHA ***** FOS START RUNNING TO SEE WHAT THE HYPE IS ALL ABOUT
@brooklyn
sup boy, the lakers are really fu*king up big time!!! i hope they win in boston!!
THANK YOU FOR ALL THE LOVE BOSSIP FAM!!
We love you I’m Just Me….
@BB
sup sis? hope u aight?? and i got ur message about mdaddy, why is that happening to him? it is not as if he says irrelevant things on this forum!!!
@the real dre(Check me out!)
@brooklyn
sup boy, the lakers are really fu*king up big time!!! i hope they win in boston!!
=======================================
Tell me about it… They had me in tears last week!! I’m hoping momentum will carry over to boston and we get these next two wins. (Keeping my Fingers crossed)
@IM JUST ME! YOUR BRAVE SISTA AND VERY STRONG AND VERY REAL, I RESPECT THE ***** OUT OF YOU FOR THAT MOMENT IN TRUTH LOVE YA FOR THAT,THANK YOU SO MUCH ! I HAVE SO MUCH HUGZ FOR YOU ..REAL TALK SIS!
What I really want to say here is even though it hurts and you may be bitter; don’t let your child lose out on a relationship with their father. Even if they haven’t been around for years, God may be working in that person’s life in ways you don’t know. Now if he’s an major a$$ that’s another matter entirely. LOL God bless you all and your children. And to those single Moms and Dads out there, I’m with you, I’m one of you.
I last thing.
LADIES, LADIES LADIES….THIS IS FOR US…SERIOUSLY
If your child’s father and you no longer can work it out in the relationship…do not use the child as ***** in your game to get him back. Do not deny your child his father and a father his child just because he is no longer in a relationship with you. For as many men that leave and no longer want to be in a child’s life there are some spiteful women that will do the same thing. Don’t play with your children like that Ladies. There are so many dads that don’t want to be around that if your child’s father does, please let him. Even if right now he cannot afford to pay child support. A child needs money, yes, but they also need love, devotion, some one to talk to. If the man wants to pick the baby up from school everyday, take the child to the park, the game, or whatever he can do, please let him. The money will come, God is good all the time, but never let you not being in a relationship with the father stop you from letting him be in the baby’s life IF IT ISN’T DANGEROUS FOR THE CHILD FOR YOU TO DO SO. Also, don’ deny a father his child if he has moved on and is dating a decent female who poses no threat to your child. If the relationship is over….let it go.
FOR THE MEN:
Seriously…I have lived this. Don’t get all up in your child’s mother’s face if you guys cannot be in a relationship and tell her she better not have other men around your kids. For the most part I agree. If Mom’s is dating and looking for Mr. Right…that may not be ideal to have all the different men that come and go in the child’s face. BUT if the woman has truly moved on, is in a solid relationship…let her go. Espeically if you aren’t providing anything productive for the child and all you are doing is using the child as a ***** in your game to hate on its mother. Don’t deny your child having a postive role model in its life because you are jealous, no good and a loser. Please. Let someone else do the job that you are not capable of doing. A child needs a productive male role model and if that is not you, step aside and let an uncle or step-father, help grow the child in a proper way.
In both of these scenario’s, these games only hurt the children.
ILLUMINATE TRUTH! START CHARGING BOSSIP FOR YOUR KNOWLEDGE, YOUR WISE WORDS OF WISDOM IS UNCANNY, IM LEARNING A LOT FROM ALL YOU GUYZ SHARED KNOWLEDGE THANK YOU!
@I’m just me
Thank you for sharing your story.
@ I’m just me
you of course don’t know me but I’m proud of you Lady.
curtsy to you.
@karina
actually what i usually hear is that, the women are the ones who never allow thier child see thier father. that they are the cause of this born out of wedlock thingy!!
@I’m Just Me and Everyone
That’s one of the things that I think that a lot of these absentee fathers don’t understand and that’s the impact of them not being in their children’s lives has…
As a community, we need to start SERIOSULY addressing this and the other dysfunctional things that we do and accept = financial responsibility, substance abuse, making education a priority to name a few…
@ Ms. Braided & BK….I just emailed MDADDY, But doya’ll know where he been??
@mdaddy
were u @ bro??
Sen. Obama spoke words of widom indeed, it was a wonderrful message of taking responsibility for your actions, he is a great role model and will make a damn fine President.
Both our young men and women could do better, this is a vicious cycle that needs to be broken.
@ IM JUST ME
I WILL GO A STEP FURTHER, IF YOU EVER NEED TO YOU CAN BORROW MY DAD HES THE BEST, HES NOT PERFECT BUT HE ALWAYS THERE… SO IF YOU EVER NEED LET ME KNOW…. EXCUSE ME FOR SAYING BUT SOUNDS LIKE YOU GOT IT TOGETHER THOUGH AND MAY BE JUST FINE…. I GOT YOU IN MY CYBER PRAYERS
@ Glok9N
Thank you very much for your input. I’d Like to think I am strong, but most importantly if I can help someone not make the same mistakes Steve did in our lives then I am very happy to share anything I went through.
@ Lauren.
Love you too Momma! How are you feeling…I hope you are keeping hydrated in all of this heat!!
@ LAUREN
HE WAS TRYING TO POST EARLIER TODAY AND SAYS BOSSIP HAS HIM BLOCKED… YOU KNOW HOW THEY CAN BE SOMETIMES
@ Shay Shay, Lady Elle, Aunt Viv and Slide
Thank you very much!!!
I single man with no money or job and a criminal record should never get any sex without paying for it from a hooker. Young girls and ladies try being a wife before being a babies momma. Work on your self-esteem and set higher standards for yourself and the low lifes will back off.
@ cns…
i agree you shouldnt be getting any cat… not right now anyway…(unless you have turned over a new leaf)
but i agree 100% with what you said, if we women would make better choices when it comes to men then maybe our pockets/and/or minds would get pregnant before our bodies do!!!
@ I’m Just Me….. Girl I’m okay, yea I’m keepin hydrated hopefully the temp will go back to norm soon though…it feels like fuggin August!
(@karina: actually what i usually hear is that, the women are the ones who never allow thier child see thier father. that they are the cause of this born out of wedlock thingy!!)(Katrina)
@the real dre, it takes two to make a baby. Both parents have to be honest and open with themselves. Even though our daughter is 12 now and we are not together, it took us until she was 8 yrs. to get over our petty hurts. She polite, respectful, moral and kind. Even if a child is born out of wedlock, that does not mean she/he will not be a decent human being. And if a person will not allow a child to see their father, when the father wants to see her/him. that child will question the parent. And may “hate on” that parent who had them.
….That is raised them.
love ya mister obama!
LET THE CHURCH SAY AMEN!!!!!!!!! I HOPE HE REACHED ALOT OF BLACK BROTHER’S SOUL WITH HIS WORDS OF WISDOM.
I have a lot of issues with my dad as well. As a kid, as far back as I can remember, my parents were not together and I never understood why my mother pushed him away from me (Wasn’t till I realized later on that my father was a drunk).Anyway, I loved my dad because he always showed me love and whenever he was around he would spoil me to death. My mother would wind up in a relationship with my lil’ brothers dad. He would be the one to turn my whole world up side down. While my mother was with this fool he told my mother that he didn’t want my dad coming around to check for me so my dad explained to me when I was 9 years old that he would be disappearing for a while and he would return when I was older and I would understand (Which he did). So, my dad was out of my life and this new guy was playing step dad and he really did treat me like I was less than his son. Long story short he would cheat on my mother with prostitutes and crack heads (This was in the early 80’s). He gave my mother HIV, she left him and they both past away no more than 5 years later. I was 15 years old when she past. I always blamed my dad for my mother not being around cause if he did the right thing then I would still have my mom and she would of never met that dirt bag. I know I shouldn’t take it out on him but it hurt me so much and I was a kid I just didn’t and still don’t understand how this could have happened. My father still reaches out to me till this day but I have a lot of anger towards him and I can’t get past it. Allot of men have these father issue but unlike women it is very difficult to talk about our feelings cause as a young kid you were always told that crying is for girl. These issues that men have with there fathers or even mothers carry over to adult hood and affect us as parents because we didn’t have the proper guidance. These situations in life made me the father and husband I am today and I would die before I abandon my kids. Even if my wife kicked me to the curb, she will never stop me from being a father to A.J. & Jasmine.
@I’m Just Me
I don’t think others would mind (I’m quite certain, considering)…
Please continue to share your thoughts & express yourself on this issue because you’ve lived it (along with others on here) and I imagine it’s very cathartic for you to discuss it…
Even though we’re on Bossip talking about and arguing about foolishness (you like Beyonce’s dress I don’t, I have a crush on Meagan Good, but you’re tired of her not carring a purse), we’re all family in the end (cause we’re Black and get treated the same by others) and we should be there for each other and be understanding on the more serious issues as it relates to each other…
@ Brooklyn, Stand UP!
You are the type of person I’m looking for. Not necessarily a man but everyone I surround myself with. People who know what it’s like to have pain but they don’t let their pain make them worse. They use it to make them better. I got mad respect for you.
Lauren(Check me out!)
@ Ms. Braided & BK….I just emailed MDADDY, But doya’ll know where he been??
==============================
I haven’t spoken to big brother since last week… is he okay?
@*****
Thanks buddy
@ BK….
I don’t know, I’m waiting for him to e-mail me back now….
I love Mr. Barack Obama and his wife. They are the epitome of cl***** and dignity and that is what we need in the white house!!!!!
You can still be in your child’s life without dealing with their mother.
Barack Obama is the only candidate that can delivery this kind of tuff love and wisdom to the Black community and we take it positively and build from it. Thanks to our future President and Cosby for telling the truth and not necessarily what everyone would like to hear but what we need to hear… to independent thought.
@Brooklyn Stand Up,
Sorry 2 hear all you’ve been through, but you’re doing right by your kids and your wife right now. Stand tall and continue to do our borough proud brotha.
@ Slide…
Even though we’re on Bossip talking about and arguing about foolishness (you like Beyonce’s dress I don’t, I have a crush on Meagan Good, but you’re tired of her not carring a purse), we’re all family in the end (cause we’re Black and get treated the same by others) and we should be there for each other and be understanding on the more serious issues as it relates to each other…
______________________
PREACH!!!!
Every Black woman is not like Michelle that for damn sure.
Thanx Aunt Viv
I appreciate your kind words.
@brooklyn
yea dude i respect u for that.. i can’t wait to be a dad myself???LOL
VERY INSIGHTFUL COMMENTS AND PERSONAL STORIES
I’VE REALLY ENJOYED THE DIALOGUE ON THE SITE TODAY
THANKS FOR SHARING ESPECIALLY I’M JUST ME, ILLUMINATE TRUTH, & BROOKLYN STAND UP
I’M A SINGLE-MOM AND THERE ARE 2 SIDES TO EVERY STORY, THERE ARE GOOD FATHERS AND GOOD MOTHERS, AND IN THE SAME TOKEN THERE ARE BAD FATHERS AND BAD MOTHERS
I’M THANKFUL THAT I WAS RAISED BY PEOPLE WHO LOVED AND SUPPORTED ME UNCONDITIONALLY & ENCOURAGED ME TO LIVE MY DREAMS-NOPE I WASN’T RAISED BY MY MOTHER OR FATHER-BUT MY GRANDPARENTS BUT I HARBOR NO ILL FEELINGS OR RESENTMENT TOWARDS MY PARENTS THEY HAVE THEIR OWN BURDENS TO CARRY-I’M JUST GRATEFUL TO GOD THAT MY GRANDPARENTS STOOD IN FOR MY PARENTS AND INSTILLED IN ME TO BE THEIR FOR MY CHILDREN-NONE OTHER THAN GOD COMES BEFORE MY CHILDREN, NO MAN, NO JOB, NOT EVEN ME..
WHEN I LEAVE THIS EARTH THE LEGACY I WANT TO LEAVE BEHIND IS THAT I WAS ALWAYS THERE FOR MINE…..
I REP SO HARD FOR THE SINGLE-MOTHERS CAUSE I GOT A TESTIMONY!
NO MOM OR DAD, TEEN-AGE MOTHER, WELFARE RECIPIENT, SECTION 8, GRADUATED HIGH SCHOOL, EARNED *****OCIATES, BACHELORS, COSMETOLOGY LICENSE, MOTHER OF A 22 YEAR OLD BLACK MALE NEVER IN JAIL & HE HAS NO KIDS REPPIN FOR HIS COUNTRY IN IRAQ & A BEAUTIFUL LITTLE GIRL
I AINT COMPLAINING ABOUT BEING A SINGLE-MOTHER I LOVE MY KIDS-AND WHATEVER IT TAKES EVEN IF IT MEANS CLEANING TOILETS I’LL PROVIDE
BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY…..I CAN LEAVE THE DOOR OPEN AS I HAVE, YOU CAN’T MAKE A MAN BE A DAD HE HAS TO WANT TO BE…
Change starts with your kids and your home. You cannot change what is outside of that door but what you can change is the impact you and your children have on society. Treat people with the same respect you would want someone to give your mother and good things will happen in life. I may not be the wealthiest person but I am rich with love and I love the sh*t out of my family!!
@pm(Check me out!)
Every Black woman is not like Michelle that for damn sure
100% true
@the real dre(Check me out!)
@brooklyn
yea dude i respect u for that.. i can’t wait to be a dad myself???LOL
============================
Best job in the world homie!! Just taking them to the sprinklers to get wet and have ice cream afterwards is a warm feeling. I haven’t felt that feeling since mom was around. It’s the BEST!!!!
What kills me is what this does to young men. I have so many guys in my life that I’ve met through work, church, community service who’ve had an absentee father, or the one who comes home and drowns out their family and doens’t help the mom. I’ve had only 3 major relationships in my life, two with black men, one with a white male, and none of them had fathers who parti*****ted in their life. One of the black ones came from a pretty well to do family, and his dad threw money, but no love, at their situation. The other two came from my rough neighborhood and had abusive fathers who were in and out of jail and pulling disappearing acts. It’s amazing how all three of them were so p*****ionate about having a family, being there for kids, and it showed in how they treated their younger siblings, nieces, nephews, etc. I’m so thankful when you see MEN who come out of these situations and want to make it better for their children. As long as we address the issue and move forward, I believe we can make great changes for everyone.
@intenzemocha
Thanks buddy
Thanks for sharing, your story made me feel good. I love your grandparents!!!!
@ BK
OH man! I am so sorry to hear this. I really, really am! My goodness. First of all never let anyone tell you, you cannot cry. Sometimes a good cry clears your mind and helps you think straight. Yes I am a woman but I have many guards up and a good cry has helped me to change a path that could have ended my life prematurely. I respect you for sharing and I am so happy you are so involved in your children’s like. I hope you let you son know it is okay to cry. Real man cry. Everyone can put up guards, but a real man knows when he can let them down. I am always hear for you Pa….just reach out your hand.
@ just sit:
give me five minutes and check your email, I got something to show you.
@Dre
Just don’t rush into fatherhood! These damn kids will drive you crazy, LOL!! My son breaks EVERYTHING!!!
Oh man, I typed a great response…if I must say so myself…to Brooklyn and it didn’t pop up. Dang, now I don’t have the energy to replicate the whole thing ’cause I’m really sick today…but here’s a big ole cyber {{{{{hug}}}}for you!! You are a special guy.
You’re right, men are not allowed to emote, but at some point, you may have to sit down and say your piece with your dad, and while it might result in anger, tears, or hugs, I think that afterwards, you’ll have a bit more peace.
@Lauren
No I am not saying that other races don’t desert their children just not in the m*****ive numbers of African American men……I work at Big Brothers and Big Sisters which pairs up children with role models and we have so man young black boys that have no father figures in their lives. A lot to people say that a male father figure is the next best thing to a father I agree to a certain point. But make no mistake to a little boy there is no replacing his BIOLOGICAL father. A man can come in an be the best role model and step dad and all that but there will still be a hole in a child’s heart that only HIS FATHER could fill.
So sorry you lost your Moms @ Brooklyn…that’s a hard lesson to learn…but your doing the right thing…BIG UP to ya! Glad you still have your Dad and hope one day SOON, you’ll fully forgive him.
Remember: Parents didn’t come with instructions but some did come with common sense and it sounds like your Dad did the best he knew how…share with us when you really forgive him…will ya?
@Lisa, gotcha!
@slide aka keepin it real…I know we’ve had our differences in the past…but today, I’m loving you!
@ Whatisyoursismine
AMEN!! My husband is like that. All the negative he went through has helped him be a better man and a positive role model for our daughter and just a wonderful person to me. He has his rough patches but overall a wonderful dedicated me. Out of the coal can come a diamond.
@I’m Just Me(Check me out!)
@ BK
OH man! I am so sorry to hear this. I really, really am! My goodness. First of all never let anyone tell you, you cannot cry. Sometimes a good cry clears your mind and helps you think straight. Yes I am a woman but I have many guards up and a good cry has helped me to change a path that could have ended my life prematurely. I respect you for sharing and I am so happy you are so involved in your children’s like. I hope you let you son know it is okay to cry. Real man cry. Everyone can put up guards, but a real man knows when he can let them down. I am always hear for you Pa….just reach out your hand.
======================================
You got me tearing up,
Thank you, we are all God’s children and we need more people to stop being so stupid and take care of these kids. Teach them how to give love and get love. I appreciate you I’m Just Me… You are a great cyber friend (LOL)
@Brookyln Stand Up
WOW!
Ummm, Thank you for sharing too…
Wow, I’m almost at a loss for words after reading that…
I remember you one time mentioning that you weren’t cool with your dad, now I understand…
@intenze…good for you!!!!
@Just Sit and Be Pretty
Thanks buddy
I feel the love and I’m sending it back! I love my bossip family too!!
@Afiya(Check me out!)
So sorry you lost your Moms @ Brooklyn…that’s a hard lesson to learn…but your doing the right thing…BIG UP to ya! Glad you still have your Dad and hope one day SOON, you’ll fully forgive him.
Remember: Parents didn’t come with instructions but some did come with common sense and it sounds like your Dad did the best he knew how…share with us when you really forgive him…will ya?
======================================
You got it bud’s
I’m gonna give him a call tonight (Just to say hi). Thanks for letting me share guys!!
Lisa, I saw your email and almost fell off my chair.*Didn’t I say I wasn’t feeling well?*
Okay, I’m gonna hit you up with the info. LMAO, it’s always those skinny ones…:-)
@Brooklyn,
Yeah, real men cry…my husband cried when he took my car without asking me and crashed it…he wept like a baby…
“BABY, I’m SO SORRY…please forgive me…”
SO YEP! they cry!
@ Slide Like A Fresh Pair of Gators (fka Keepin’ It Real – D’Original)
Yeah, it’s a tough think to swallow… I will never see my mom in the flesh… I have to close my eyes to imagine her beautiful smile, her warm touch. I miss her so much…
I HAVE TO GO GUYS!!! God bless you all and give a big hug to your mothers for me.
GOOD NITE EVERYONE…
@ Afiya
LOL!!!
@ BK
LOL…you are too…thank you!
Good Night…BUDDY!!!
BYe BK
@Just Sit And Be Pretty
Thank you…
I thought people were gonna tear me a new one too, via my earlier thoughts & opinions…
And by the way – I’ve NEVER disliked you…
Didn’t you even see that in the midst of us going back and forth, when one of your imposters chimed in – I told them to leave you alone? If I didn’t like you do you think would do that…
But whatever, let’s stay on topic today and/or at least on this post…
Thanks again, I appreciate it…
Oh yeah, I think Bossip “turned up” their filtering program because yesterday I wansn’t allowed to say a few things that I was able to say just recently…
*Leave my grammar alone, Girl – I don’t feel like correcting that last sentence…
In other news…as someone who had a great relationship with his Dad, our favorite Cablasian does it again!!
_____
The New York Times
Monday, June 16, 2008 — 4:31 PM ET
—–
Woods Defeats Mediate in Sudden Death at U.S. Open
After more than 90 holes of golf in five days, Tiger Woods won the U.S. Open in sudden death over Rocco Mediate on Monday.
Go Tiger!!
granted 10 mins,, BUT, it was posted before Ashanti… so most ppl breifly read it and then commented on Ashanti wardrobe and singing abilities! lol,,,, moving on… @ whateva,, i agree with you 110% my “dad” still blames everyone else for him not being in my life.. I have forgiven him for running away from his responsibities,, but it is sad when real fathers,, good decent fathers are taken away from their their children too soon.. RIP.. Tim R.
@Slide, no worries, I really don’t take cyber beefs to heart…lots more important things to deal with the in the real world!! Thanks for defending me in the past.
LOL, you know I’ll throw something off topic in the mix…folks can ignore me and keep it moving.
Okay, so CNN posted some stats:
56% AFrican
22% White
31% Hispanic
Raised in single parents homes. Let’s hope that folks don’t try to drum up controversy (as the media is speculating) and that for one, the black community take a long hard look at this issue and work to ameliorate it!!
@Lisa, did you send it? I’m about to leave shortly…heading home…there’s a Vicodin with my name on it!
@ just sit…
watch those d^mn vicodins.
I had to have 2 knee surgeries about 2 years ago. They put me on Vicodine needlesstosay I stopped taking them, those things are addictive.
hope you feel better.
@SLIDE ON A FRESH PAIR OF GATORS, I TOTALLY AGREE WITH BOTH OF YOUR COMMENTS 100% BECAUSE I HAVE FEMALE FRIENDS THAT KNEW A GUY WASN’T *****, GOT PREGNANT THINKING HE WOULD CHANGE AND BINGO,SHE IS NOW A STATISTIC.I ALSO KNOW MEN WHO WILL NEVER BE RESPONSIBLE. BUT YOU BETTER BELIEVE, ONE DAY THE DEADBEAT PARENT IS GOING TO NEED THAT CHILD FOR SOMETHING AND THAT CHILD IS GOING TO REMEMBER EVERYTHING. THIS IS PART OF THE REASON WHY I LOVE MY HUSBAND SO MUCH- BECAUSE HE HAS BEEN THERE FOR ALL OF OUR CHILDREN THE WAY A MAN SHOULD BE AND I HAVE SEEN HIM DISTANCE HIMSELF FROM GUYS THAT ARE DEADBEATS IN THEIR HOUSEHOLD. YOU SEEM LIKE YOU HAVE A GOOD HEAD ON YOUR SHOULDERS ALSO AND I WISH YOU MANY BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN TO TEACH THE RESPONSIBILITIES OF LIFE.IT IS NOT WHAT YOU BUY A CHILD THAT THEY REMEMBER, ITS THE LITTLE THINGS LIKE HUGS,PRAISE AND TEACHING THEM SELF WORTH.MY OLDER KIDS ALWAYS TALK ABOUT THE WAY MY HUSBAND AND I WOULD EMBARR***** THEM AT THEIR SCHOOL EVENTS BECAUSE WE WERE THE 2 YELLING “THATS OUR BABY” AND SNAPPING PICTURES THROUGH THE WHOLE THING. BUT NOW SINCE THEY ARE OLDER AND HAVE HAD TIME TO SEE ALOT, THEY TELL US THEY WERE SO LUCKY TO HAVE PARENTS WHO CARED.THEY NOW KNOW PEOPLE WHO NEVER HAD ANYONE TRULY CARE FOR THEM. JUST REMEMBER THAT WHEN YOU HAVE KIDS.
Thanks Lady, yeah that’s what I heard, but trust me, I have only taken two so far and got them since Sat. I’m not about to be needing a 12-step program for painkillers…:-) I couldn’t imagine going through withdrawal for anything *shudders*.
Not too get all personal, but this is for Afiya and BellaY,, i read this book a few years back,, it was very helpful to me and maybe it can be for you,, remember we do not have to be a product of our environment:
Whatever Happened to Daddy’s Little Girl?
Written by Jonetta Rose Barras
ABOUT THIS BOOK
What happens to a little girl who grows up without a father? Can she ever feel truly loved and fully alive? Does she ever heal—or is she doomed to live a wounded, fragmented life and to p***** her wounds down to her own children? Fatherlessness afflicts nearly half the households in America, and it has reached epidemic proportions in the African-American community, with especially devastating consequences for black women. In this powerful, searingly intimate book, accomplished journalist, poet, and fiction writer Jonetta Rose Barras breaks the code of silence and gives voice to the experiences of America’s fatherless women—starting with herself.
“We are legions—a choir of wounded—listen to the dirge we sing,” writes Barras of the millions of black women like her who lost, either through abandonment, rejection, poverty, or death, the men who gave them life. A father is the first man in a girl’s life—the first man to look in her eyes, protect her, care for her, love her unconditionally. Fathers fashion their daughters as expertly and as powerfully as they do their sons. When a girl loses this man, she grows up with an ache that nothing else can soothe. Psychologists have found that fatherless daughters are far more likely to suffer from debilitating rage, depression, abuse, and addictions; they tend to seek “sexual healing” through promiscuity or anti-intimate behavior and end up fearing or despising the men whose love they crave.
Barras knows from personal experience the traps and the fury of being a black fatherless daughter, and she makes her own life story the heart and soul of her book, alternating chapters of spellbinding memoir with the stories she has gathered from women all over the country.
P*****ionate and shockingly frank, Whatever Happened to Daddy’s Little Girl is the first book to explore the plight of America’s fatherless daughters from the unique perspective of the African-American community. Like Hope Edelman’s New York Times bestseller Motherless Daughters, this brilliant volume gives all fatherless daughters the knowledge that they are not alone and the courage to overcome the hidden pain they have suffered for so long.
Some of these people on this blog amaze me. Some of you are the same people that puts down every woman that takes one of these celeberties too court for child support. Some of you even supported a particular artisit who is a prime suspect in burning down the house his child was living in. But now it’s oh Obama said, which I couldn’t agree with him more, but, the reality of it is he saying the same thing Bill Cosby got a lot of flack for a few years back.
If it’s the same message and just a different messenger what’s the difference.
Hope the coward who donated the sperm that helped create me heard his speech. Never met the f*cker.
Wow! Mrs. Obama is really bringing back that 60’s/Camelot look……..I like it.
@ ms lauren… yeah doll, thats why i get teary eyed on fathers day, b/c he would have mage her a great father,… his name was tony g, in chi every body knew him , he was big time all over the south north side and all over chi- he was 24 and had clout so one of his own guys, (hear-say) took him out coward style from the back… jealousy and you know gangsta chicago an philly is! his name was Tony and my daughters name is toni with i…. but we call her gigi…which had nothing to do with the ganster disciples he was in … his mother was name gloria jean.. so she nicknamed her gigi…. but i have good sweet memories and i can instill in her what my mother taught me. And believe it or not my whole family met kellz and if he ever looked crossed eyed at my daughter she will tell me .. i even asked her and she said no!!
@ jUST SIT…
Yeah I noticed I took 1
then I strted taking 2
when I started looking for 3..that was it I threw the bottle out and took aleve…no addiction for me.
get home safely
peace everyone.
this was a good forum today.
peace & blessings.
Brooklyn… so sorry .. heres a big ole hug out to you stay strong my brother!!!! @ lauren i think our m daddy is being banned, he must have been a bd little boy!
@ ms coperate cutie and ms lauren and brooklyn..thanks for the luv mami’s and papi.. i love yall to death and every time i look at her i smile and i see his face in her.. she is such a lady, so cute but not that fast azz cute.. i got some of them in my fam too.. when my daughter met snoop’s son corde the oldest. they took pics and she is so qiute, all the other girls were all up on him like lil strippers , but he gave her his number, he was like you so cute and she blushed all the way home with me rolloing them eyes at both of them.. but i know you got to let them have a lil fun!!
When I traveled to Jamaica, I learned that it was the black women abandoning the kids. There were black males hurting because they did not have a mom growing up. But society blames the female they always do. And I think in a way, it is the female to blame. Because even if you are married and your husband leaves you to raise the kids, more times than not he had some unstable signs to begin with, when you met him. There are always signs. Maybe you married a player or maybe he cheated before you got married. Most women including myself never pay attention to the clues.
yall still hangin, im in here slavin too. im normally solo about this time
@ ms bb
tell snoops son not to get fuc*ed up,(lil spank) we dont moing smacking a rappers son… Tony yayo did it!!!
you are such a positive force and just think your daughter will have that part of you and thats a blessing all in itself
The fatherless children blame is more on the ghettofabulous mamas who want to have thier first child by 16 and their last before 25, so they grab any man and make him a sperm donor. That category is who this thread is aimed at. Or the category of women and yall know who you are, who trick men into having kids ie. stop the birth control, punch holes in condoms, etc.
Not the million other scenarios that cause women to be single moms (ie. relationship not working out, death of the dad, etc)
obama was in his home chicago on fathers day , hopefully his talk help cut down some of that violence.. and that attitude you did me so my people will do you!
@EVERY BODY
obama is in detroit right now, my daughtER is at JOE LOUIS arena hearing him speak right NOW!!!!!!
MRS OBAMA IS THE BEST DRESSED WOMAN IN HISTORY NEXT TO JACKY ONASIS
cool
thanks ms coperate cutie….yeah she has corde’s picture with her on it on her my *****e page and on her phone… snoops son plays footbal so cali played against az… and all the lil girls went to meet snoop and family… cali won, and all the little black and white girls where hollering and screaming when they got off the bus, one of the little black boys went down the line and said he aint goin g like you, he aint going to like you, and he got to gigi and he said but he might like you, she aint stopped grinning yet and that was 3 months ago! she met soulja boy too but she said he had a lil attitude not like corde.
I LOVE THE OBAMAS!!!!
Black Fathers stand Up!!!!!!!!!
OBAMA`S MY HOMEBOY ! at least that`s what I saw some dude wearing a tee-shirt that said that ! Minutes later saw another positive tee-shirt … it said ” ***** MILK … GOT WEED !! ” ! Yeah we as a country are definitely heading in the right direction !
@ MS BB I HAVE ONE OF THOSE CUTIES AT HOME TOO… IM GETTING NERVOUS CAUSE SHE BUILT LIKE A BRICKHOUSE ABD TURNING 15 BUT SHES A GOOD GIRL SHE IS VERY POLITICS
VERY POLITACAL I MEANT, SHE IS CL***** PRESIDENT, AND HER LAST NAME IS WRIGHT AND WHEN SHE WAS CALMPAIGNING HER SLOGANS WERE THE MOST HOTTEST SLOGANS.. MAKE SURE YOU VOTE THE”WRIGHT” WAY… AND SHE HAS ABOUT 25 T SHIRTS THAT SAID..”THATS WRIGHT”
DESHAYLA FOR CL***** PRESIDENT… I MEAN SHES A WORK OF ART SO I KNOW THE FEELIN
@CAT EYES
Thank you…
I coulda swore these people up in here were gonna try and tear me a new one, because of my opinion…
*I know I should of stayed on topic and focused on what Obama said but I when I read I saw another thing that should be brought up…
Oh yeah, since we have different opinions on a man’s nature and cheating…
Let me just say this – you too have come across as somebody with a good head on your shoulders and in combination with your good husband – just make sure (as I know you are doing) to raise your boys (*I remember you got 7 children) to respect women (not see them as a piece of pu$$y, *excuse my french) and to be responsible young men, etc…
And since you guys are gonna raise them right I know they won’t abandon their wives & children or EVEN cheat on their wives – right?
How and why would they cheat on the women in their lives if you raise ‘em right by instilling in them morals & good values?
Oh yeah, last thing – make sure your little girls ONLY allow men into their lives whose words match their actions (i.e., ain’t full of it) and have shown OVER TIME that they possess good qualities like your husband
WHERE MY HO’S AT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHERE MY HO’S AT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHERE MY HO’S AT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHERE MY HO’S AT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHERE MY HO’S AT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHERE MY HO’S AT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHERE MY HO’S AT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHERE MY HO’S AT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHERE MY HO’S AT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHERE MY HO’S AT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHERE MY HO’S AT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHERE MY HO’S AT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHERE MY HO’S AT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHERE MY HO’S AT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Black Fathers stand up.
Obama is the truth and Michelle is the light.
Women…make better choices.
@ SMDH
I love ya but I don’t understand why you complain about black men who speak badly about black women while I’ve witnessed you mercilessly bash black men every chance you get.
Just saying….
WHAT ABOUT THE GRANDMOTHERS, THEY ONCE WERE THE
FIST OF OUR COMMUNITIES. I GUESS THERE TO BUSY PARTYING, IN THE CLUBS WITH THERE DAUGHTERS.. WAKE UP BLACK PEOPLE … MLK IS WOULD BE DISGUSTED
Just Sit and Be Pretty(Check me out!)
@Slide, no worries, I really don’t take cyber beefs to heart…lots more important things to deal with the in the real world!! Thanks for defending me in the past. LOL, you know I’ll throw something off topic in the mix…folks can ignore me and keep it moving.
Okay, so CNN posted some stats:
56% AFrican
22% White
31% Hispanic
did u mean african american, instead of africans!!!
ms coperate cutie… yeah she is a lil lady , she does situps, drinks a lot of water, eats a lil not greedy.. and has a all and all great body image, good luck with your daughter, that cutie sounds like she a star already. @ and whats up with these people still yakkin about r kelly.. damn oh boy is aquitted… get the hell over it!
dre… what ups boo boo.. you being nice or are u clowning today… tell your dad i said happy belated fathers day and send your sis some of them benjamins this way… ok!!!
ms corperate cutie.. you know that saying ” a rose is a rose by any other name… thats how my family always put that in my head… and cant *****ody tell me jack all they can do is let me make my apth and they can follow my trail!!!!
darn thats path not apth… moving too fast!!
YOU KNOW, I WONDER WHAT THE PEOPLE WHO PUT THERE
LIFE ON THE LINE, DURING THE CIVIL RIGHTS MOVEMENT
WOULD HAVE TO SAY ABOUT BLACK PEOPLE TODAY.
IF THE SLAVES WHO ESCAPED UP NORTH COULD SEE INTO THE FUTURE AND SEE WHAT WE HAVE BECOME DO YOU THINK THEY WOULD’VE RAN? TO HERE THE WORD ***** USED AND HOW WE TREAT OUR WOMEN IT’S SAD WE HAVEN’T COME FAR WE MOVING BACKWARDS
@A.K-47 STAN
very well said!i cosing with you 100%
@ Brooklyn Stand Up
Now you know deep down that the Lakers – Celts series is over. The Lakers are a good team but the Celts roster is far superior… REAL TALK (Three super-stars against one = no contest). The only way the Lakers beat them is when the celtics don’t play any where near their potential.
Get ready people… I’m saying it now!!! it almost ended on Sunday but it WILL end on Tues.
YES WE CAN WATCH AMERICAS GOT TALENT!
I was raised by my grandmother and my aunts mostly, my father was not in the picture, that’s why I admire and love my husband sooo much because he’s such an amazing daddy to our twin boys. Barack hit the nail on the head with the key points in his speech about black fathers in our country.
Obama appears to be a great candidate!
I just know THE OTHER SIDE is waiting for BONES to fly outta brotha mans mouth. You know they r diggin DEEP 24/7 try’na find his BONE COLLECTION…
I’m just hoping whatever is found is minor and that for his entire life he’s been on some “I wanna b prez when I grow up” and was UNUSUALLY careful about what/how was said and where/how/why it was done.
Yes WE Can!!!
@ Brooklyn Stand Up
I think the Celtics sudden success after the trades for KG and Ray-Ray is gonna lead us into an era where NBA teams are gonna be trying to stack their rosters with talent. Its gonna be like an arms race… watch and see.
But only the teams who know how to put stars together with the right attitudes and chemistry will have any success.
@ Brooklyn Stand Up
Sorry to bug you but i gotta ask this… Does it not appear to you that a certain brother with the initials “PP” has and ain’t scared to call the number of a certain other brother with the initials “KB”?
I don’t remember Jordan ever getting “owned” by anybody in this fashion.
Just asking…
@bb
i am good sis. whats popping?
One thing we need to stop is all of this, “I don’t need you” nonsense. There’s nothing wrong with admitting you need the father of your child to be in their life.
Another beef I have are women who up and move when the relationship doesn’t go well. I worked with a white guy in his late 30s who had a 20-something year old son he doesn’t know. He and the mom were high school sweethearts from some small podunk town, and when he wouldn’t marry her after getting her pregnant, she moved away and her family woulnd’t tell him where the baby was. He’d been searching for over 20 years to find his son, and no one would help him, not the courts, hospitals, because the child was now an adult. It blew my mind when he told me that, and I used to talk to him when I was looking for my dad. He said not every man perceived to be a deadbeat is a deadbeat, you have to ask your mother and family questions. He even tried to help me with some databases to find my sperm donor, but it never panned out. I cried for him one day when he was so close to finding his son and went to the address on file, and he’d moved. He found his ex’s dad, and he gave him no *****istance. He said he’ll never stop trying, he doesn’t want to interrupt his son’s life, but he deserves to know he has a father who never gave up.
FYI, Al Gore will appear tonight in Detroit with Obama and will endorse him, according to the NY Times.
Yes We Can! Obama ‘08
Amen Brother Obama, PREACH ON BROTHER!!! I just truly hope and pray that brothers are listening and willing to step up and do right by their children regardless of their situation with their baby mama(s). There should be NO EXCUSE for this type of behavior. Why is it that the white man has to intervene for you to do something for your seeds (child support)?? This is for all the guys that DON’T take care of their responsibilities but for the ones that does, keep doing what you’re doing… we truly appreciate you for who you are and the fact that you’re doing right by your children because they didn’t ask to be here!!! We need more like you!!
His kids are BEAUTIFUL, well his whole family is!!!! Is it me or does his daughter, Sasha, looks like a young, Penny (Janet Jackson)?? She’s gorgeous!!!
More news on the Obama campaign:
Hillary Clinton’s former campaign manager, Patti Solis Doyle, is formally joining Barack Obama’s presidential campaign to serve as chief of staff to his eventual running mate. The hire will likely fuel further speculation over Clinton’s vice presidential prospects. Or not.
Also joining Obama’s team is Democratic strategist Stephanie Cutter, former chief spokeswoman for unsuccessful presidential candidate Sen. John Kerry in 2004. Cutter will play a senior advisory role to the campaign, as well as serve as Michelle Obama’s chief of staff. Michelle’s current top aide, Melissa Winter, will remain on as traveling chief of staff.
Also, Gore is scheduled to speak tonight in Detroit at 8:30 p.m. EST. He sent an e-mail to supporters today with the following message:
“A few hours from now I will step on stage in Detroit, Michigan to announce my support for Senator Barack Obama. From now through Election Day, I intend to do whatever I can to make sure he is elected President of the United States.”
Where’s that piece of ***** nahnah at?
i really don’t think this quote is that serious..this isn’t the 1st time i’ve heard it, and it damn sure isn’t the last
Listen…I posted my story earlier. But I just want to make a point. My mom was 32 and my dad 33 when they had me. My father is a pathological liar and to this moment my mom feels like she didn’t over look anything. He had a legal job and was there when she called. She really didn’t see it coming. My moom stayed with him for a short bid but by the 2nd time she said she isn’t putting her child (me) through this. My brother (really half-brother) was born when my father was 18 years old. My point is in my mom’s case not everyone is a young buck trying to get knocked up quickly so they can go back to the club by 30 and drop it like it is hot. My mom was in the same job (at the time for 10 years now for 33) and was stable and had money to the side. My father was contributing to the house hold, bringing home pay stubs (forged), filing for taxes and all that. Don’t *****ume because some fathers are dead beat losers mean they are young and running the streets.
My mom has been in her job for 30 years like I said. My pops (58 years old) is serving a 7 year bid on his usual MO of B&E.
@Keepin’ It Real
I just read your comments about your friend, and I think that’s heartbreaking that he didn’t spend more time with his son. His son obviously suffered from the lack of quality time with his dad. So sad. . .
@Brooklyn, Stand UP!
I’m sorry that I was swamped most of the day and just got around to reading your posts today. I admire you for being able to open up about painful experiences close to your heart. I cannot imagine what you went through with the loss of your mom. Like everyone else on here, I’ve never met you, but I can tell you’re a person who’s good to the core, and that’s not something you come across every day. Very special indeed. *hugs*
***** this bul*****. hoe come pple never call out these so called “strong sistas” on their bull*****. how come *****ody ever callsthem out on making bad decisions in the kind of men they accept to lay up with. women will chase thugs, pimps, players, hustlers all day and not use any type of protection. then when they become pregnant they expect these men to become good fathers. they knowingly ***** with no good bum excuses for men and expect good results. people need to take responsibility for their actions. i am tired of pple always blaming men for ***** in the black community. sistas are just as resposible because of their *****ed up poor selfish choices.
but damn, i understand hes apolitician so i guess he has to try to get the female votes by pandering to women. freakin simp. he had my suport till now
I AGREE WITH HIM 100% ABOUT WHAT A REAL FATHER SHOULD BE ,SOME MEN ARE NOT A PART OF THEIR CHILDS LIFE ,THATS WHY TODAY THERE ARE NO STABLE FAMILIES,MOST KIDS TODAY ARE RAISED BY SINGLE MOTHERS,I AM BLESSED BECAUSE I WAS RAISED IN A TWO PARENT HOUSEHOLD,TODAY WOMEN NEED TO STOP LAYING DOWN WITH THESE MEN HAVING KIDS,ITS NOT JUST THE MENS FAULT ITS WOMEN TOO!!!!BOTH MEN AND WOMEN ARE THE BLAME
Go back and apologize to Bill Cosby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NOW!
Is this not what he has been saying.
Go Obama!!! Words to live by!
Oh and is the white guy behind Michelle Secret Service? He looks out of place.
@brooklyn stand up
I am sorry that you had to go through that kind of pain. My mother died in 2005 and I still hurt in a way I could never put in to words. My father was abusive to her physically and mentally, he was a drunk and spent most of his life in prison. I wish that she would have just left him so that she could have raised me and my siblings. Its good that your dad did come back around. Forgiveness is a powerful thing dear. I’ve had to do a lot of that. I feel so blessed now, having a family of my own, I never take it for granted, and you stay strong and continue to be a good dad to your kids.
I am glad that he spoke about this sad but true topic. Even facing jail time for dead beat fathers will not make them stand up and be responsible for their actions. Family courts are loaded with cases for child support. There needs to be tighter laws to stop this epidemic.
Too many people are having sex unprotected without thinking about the repercussions of their behavior. Women play a role in this as well.
Women are having children with multitudes of men and still are not able to learn the consequences of their behavior. Having a child with a man is not going to keep him. They are being foolish, blind and selfish. In order to have mentally healthy children, It takes at least one stable parent. Women who do this are not mentally stable.
Women who chose this route usually wind up alone with several children to raise by themselves. They are sometimes poverty stricken, and upset all the time because they are overwhelmed with problems and heartache. The fathers of the children are gone to the arms of another. The product of this mess is children who are morally and mentally corrupt. They don’t have any hope and sometimes get caught up in crime, early graves, drugs, premarital sex, and then teenagers as parents. These children of single parents go to the arms of anyone looking for love, because the parent raising them were alone and too busy working, and being single parents all by their lonesome. This sick cycle of abuse goes on from generation to generation in the black community.
It can stop by making wiser choices in who you decide to mate. Stay alone if you have to. Don’t repeat the same mistakes by having children out of wedlock, hoping the man will marry you. It is selfish to keep having children with little or no means to support them. Children need a stable foundation. Not a life full of turmoil. Children need financial stability so they can have a succesfull future. Not a future that will be poverty sticken because the single mother had no means to provide a college education so they can have a bright future.
Mr. President you ain’t never lie..Tell it like it is Barack!!!
Yes he can!!!
Fathers do your damn job!!
Like Chirs Rock said you dont get a cookie for taking care of your kids
…you suppose to do that *****!!
@ Candice, Tracy & so called strong sistas
I’ve posting your sentiments for over a year in regards to the constant bad choices women make in who they mate with, and i’ve been called misogynistic or wrong – Mostly by these supposedly college educated women who post regularly on BOSSIP. Be prepared to be taken to task for your views in regards to the lack of accountability of black women who chooses to mate with these losers.
*I’ve been posting*
@ so called strong sista
..I understand your frustration for being called out. But like you said take responsiblitly….no women could get pregnet if the man isn’t *****ing her , or wearing a condom…so then they both guilty she as much as she FOR GETTING PREGNET…BUT dear the pregnacny is not the issue anymore its TAKING CARE OF YOUR KIDS. Lots of white women slept and got pregnet with less then positive WHTIE MEN , but the difference is those negative white men…stepped up, thats the fine line that dead beat or imature black men do not want to accept, AFTER you ROLLED IN your bed …YOU NEED TO *****IN FIX IT EVERY DAY UNTIL THAT ***** IS 18…and it takes the two people who contributed the 24 chromosomes to do that like it or not. Thats what white men do , that a large majority in the black male community dont do. Ask any white women out there yes, There are plenty of white BAD BOYS WHO GOT SOMEBODY PREGNET, but when it came time to do the damn thing, they did …took care of thier seed!!
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@ rachel
Last i checked, men don’t get pregnant. Men don’t have to carry that baby around for nine months. Men do not have to put their lives on hold in order to give birth and deal with the 2:am feedings, healthcare and providing a roof over said mistakes head beause stupid ***** of a mama didn’t have the foresight to practice birth control while fvcking some ***** she barely knew, or (lets’ be honest) in most cases some ***** she met at he club and decided to have a one or two hour stand with. If a ***** is stupid enough to allow herself to get knocked up by some ***** she barely knows – NEWSFLASH! That’s her baby/mistake! Btw, spare me/us your racial generalization in regards to whitemen being responsible babydaddies. Move your ***** to Washington or Oregon and witness all the out-of-wedlock white baby mamas with deadbeat white fathers. Don’t be a sanctimonius stupid *****!
We all know that as black people we’ve been having the same conversations amongst ourselves for years.
I’m glad he publicly aired our dirty laundry. The whole nation has wondered why we say we are so faithful to God and yet, we lead such lives of immorality.
It has to take a successful and well-liked and respected black man to say these things to the nation and the black diaspora as a whole.
Make no mistake, Obama speaks to African descendants worldwide. We have allowed our communities to be destroyed by our own selves. We have glorified the nastiest and most degrading behaviour just to line our pockets(yes I’m referring to these rappers).
Many of them have sold their souls to the devil in order to line their pockets; they’ve used the filth they’ve created to escape poverty all the while leaving a path of psychological destruction.
Our children like all children are impressionable, they can’t discern truth from fiction, what they see and hear about themselves becomes their reality. We have supported deadbeat, sexually promiscious men and women in our community who have willingly destroyed the minds and emotional health of their children by neglecting them.
Then, we cry when we watch t.v. and see another child who has known no real love in it’s life, destroy another child and their own lives, with violence.
We as a people have come too far and suffered too many hurts to destroy ourselves like this. Our ancestors suffered more brutality than we’ve suffered. Yet, we now brutalize each other and blame white people for it.
Show me the white man/woman that told you to have your child on the streets at 11 p.m. at night, on a school night; that tells your son to have sex with as many girls as he can; you daughter to open her legs for every boy/man who smiles at her; your husband to go to work and curse his boss out and get fired; you wife to wear sexually suggestive and innapropriate clothes to work. Yes, show me the white people who make us behave like fools when we’re in public, that make us disrespect ourselves by constantly cursing.
We have done this to ourselves. We allowed our own people to use the excuse that slavery and the man was keeping us down. We have tolerated criminal behaviour in our own families and excused it because of racism. White people didn’t create us, they’re not God. They never did and never will have power over us.
It’s time for us to take back our personal power, respect ourselves regardless of what others say; get up and raise the wonderful happy children that we are strong enough to raise. We have survived too much, for generations, to turn on ourselve and destroy what our ancestors fought and died for, US.
Senator Obama has such integrity, dignity and grace. he’s truly in a cl***** all of his own. it’s refreshing to see this kind of individual and man in the public arena. Obama has the moral authority to actually make this kinds of staments because he’s backing it up with his actions.
Ok, my people, first and foremost, Obama is on some prophetic ish..fa sho, fa sho!! But, just as I was about to let loose on how wonderful he is, I saw Marquis de Sade’s comment. Ooohh, baby boy, yes BOY, where you get those views from, suga? Now mind you, that is definitely a dumb ho who goes out and has a baby by a 2-hour club date. But, um, er, honey don’t you think YOU need to wear a condom, so as NOT to put yourself in the spot of being HER dumb azz baby daddy? Now, it’s given she stupid, but what dat make you, punkin, when she s***** YO baby? And, honey, NEWSFLASH, REAL men do deal with the 2:00 a.m. feedings, put roofs over THEIR baby’s heads and keep a job so the baby can have health care and DO put their life on hold to raise the baby AFTER another dumb motha *****a don’t have sense enough to!!! I’m an old Hustler Girl born and raised by a Hustler MAN. I am living proof that it don’t matter how you get here, but honeybabychild where you go once you do and WHO is there to help you along the way. (translation: If the mammy dumb enough to be a jump-off and the pappy ain’t got enough sense to strap up because he KNOW she a jump-off, why ain’t *****ODY got enough gaddum sense to realize that it ain’t the baby’s fault that his/her parents were dumb motha *****as from the get-go?!!) MOVE ON and raise the little blessing so he/she don’t be as stoopid as YOU were. An ounce of prevention is a whole lot betta than THREE lifetimes of damage control. Break the cycle!! Ya heard?!
@Bee-Bee
As usual, you sistas’ get bogged down in what-ifs and suppositions. Yes a real man (ie HUSBAND/FATHER) does share in the care and rearing of his child, but you know and i know that mos of you sistas aren’t attracted to those qualities…If you were, there wouldn’t be over 70% of african american children being born out of wedlock! I’ve noticed that of you sistas’ are only (conveniently) attracted to the real man when you’ve exhausted all of your thug-options. I re-iterate – MAKE BETTER CHOICES WITH WHOM YOU MATE WITH! (And preferably within a stable marriage).
*that most of you sistas aren’t attracted to those qualities…If you were, there wouldn’t be over 70% of african american children being born out of wedlock! I’ve noticed that most of you sistas’*
@Marquis de Sade…I’m still not understanding why it is OUR fault????? I totally agree with you on us choosing better mates, but men should choose better bed buddies…as in, don’t make that 20 second nut from a $2 dolla hoe a liftime of commitment and ankle-biter payments. I have five brothers and ALL of them made conscious choices to have all of their kids with their wives and the couple that slipped in without their consent, they raised them too…but they didn’t go back thru the wedlock door neva not neva again!! AND, the baby mamas were all good girls and mothers. Same with me, I had one child out of wedlock by a WONDERFUL father who died. Mind you we did not get along, but in between those “you get on my last motha *****n nerve!” there was always, “Ok what is best for OUR baby girl?” To us, that bullshyt between us was straight secondary. We realized it was no longer about us, but her. The operative word here, suga, is RESPONSIBILITY for YOUR actions (our great sex) and dealing with the consequences (our great daughter). I raised her by myself and she is a beautiful young woman…still, you are so right, there were so many times I put my life on hold and I still do and I don’t regret one minute of it!! He was taken from me and her not by choice, but by happenstance. I have always known that I was very lucky to have had him. Still, I knew that I could not let his death stop me or her….I MOVED ON and raised my blessing! I ain’t pointing no fingers nowhere. ERRYBODY should get it together. Don’t matter who did what, fix it!!
@ Bee-Bee
That’s all well and good, but statistics shows that you and your siblings are the exceptions, not the rule! Most of these sistas are getting knocked up by *****s who are under-educated with the earnig potential of McDonald’s french fry cook. You can’t squeeze blood from an onion. If you could, there would be no need for public *****istance and other social programs designed to supplement irresponsible behavior/decisions.
Greed, lust and selfishness.
There are many men that cheat on their girlfriends or wives. There are many women that are mistresses because their “man” told them that they no longer love their wives. The women that choose to sleep with a married man should pay more attention to the high and vulgar levels of disrespect and deceitfulness he is so willingly to undergo for a piece if *****, er…, “love,” as some would justify it to be.
In these instances, having a child “validates” her love for him and the relationship. She is no longer a w***** (there is no honor in being a mistress), she is now a mother. It makes the doomed affair less dirty and shameful. In these instances, both parties are well aware of their dysfunctional situation– that is why they are sneaking around and talking on cell phones and in code. After all, a child is a gift from God… how sweet.
This is the sick, twisted “culture” that too many Blacks have come to accept as a natural part of our community. As Black men and women, we can always justify why we choose pleasure without accepting ANY responsibility. WE DO NOT WANT TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR OUR CHOICES OR OUR COMMUNITY. WE HAVE YET TO LEARN THAT IF LOVE, HONOR, TRUST AND RESPECT ARE COMPROMISED, THEN WE HAVE THROWN AWAY THE CHANCE AND THE FOUNDATION FOR ANY HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP TO PROPERLY EXIST. WE HAVE ALLOWED THESE PATHETIC, DISEASED, AND MUTATED FORMS OF RELATIONSHIPS TO EXIST IN OUR COMMUNITY.
If you catch a brother lying to you, how can he respect you? How can you trust or honor him if he does not give you any reason to? If a man is deceitful, then he is wicked. Then why are you sleeping with him? He has just given you a taste of all the head trips you are about to endure. How many episodes of deceit are we willing to survive just for access to sex?
Sex that occurs in non committed relationships stems from trickery and deceit from one or both partners. That’s why we have the AIDS epidemic, and the fatherless households. Usually one or both partners is of low character (financially, emotionally, and/or morally irresponsible)and do not want to be discovered for who they truly are- hence the lying. Because their character is so low, they feel no shame and therefore, don’t self-correct.
@ Marquis de Sade
Morality is low amongst humans in general. It is a world wide problem. Promiscuity has run amok. People are not looking for real qualitites when choosing a mate. People are looking at the outer layers of the skin. People are attracted to the bank accounts and not the inner qualities of oneself. A good looking man or woman never made a good parent. People are in lust and producing children out of wedlock by the m*****es. Immaturity plague these parents. They have no sense of value or self love. They can not possibly raise a child properly under these cir*****stances. Men and women are making these bad choices. I made the choice to speak about the single mothers, because they are not just the victims. They are willing parti*****nts of this growing epidemic of single parenting. The children are the ones who suffer from their parents flaws.
There is no difference with a loose woman producing children out of wedlock, and a promiscuous man bedding many women at a time. These men impregnate these women and leave these children with no father and little or no means to support them. They are equally loathsome. This immoral behavior is problematic amongst both sexes.
^^^***** man, you have an absolute hatred of black women. You probably didn’t know your daddy either, huh? I’d love to hear your reasoning behind black men killing each other on a daily basis. Is that Black women too? Barack being abondoned by his daddy at 2, Mariah, Alicia, Halle, Shemar Moore..All of them had white mamas and still got left. Don’t even get me started on the brother’s who do make it, thanking their mother and grandother’s who raised them SMDH. The bottom line is black men are not taking responsibiltiy, I don’t care what the woman’s station is in life there is no excuse for abodoning your children. My father worked at the UN and still had issues in regards to his children. Why he was a sucessful black man? Because his dady left him. Abondonment is a learned trait. Black leaders need stop being so sesitive in regards to what whitey is doing and declare a state of emergency in regards to black men, First start with the violence…and work your way in Family. The onderful Soledad O’Brian is doing a speciall on black america, it will start with the men on July 23 and then black women and the family on July 24 on CNN. Notice even how the black men are listed seperate from the family. Damn shame.
@ Candice
I generally single out the sistas, because ultimately, they have more to lose. That’s why i try to stress to them that it’s important that they protect themselves and learn to tell the differnce between having sex for recreation as opposed to procreation. In a perfect world, yes, it would be nice if every guy stepped up to the plate when they have a child on the way, but the reality is most won’t. I tell my nieces to always carry condoms. Don’t expect most of these hormones with feet to think proactively.
My coment was directed to that that Marquis, blaming the sistas for not chosing better partners and not holding black men equally responible in the distruction of the black family. Alos the fact that you can be sucessful and still abandon your children, Eddie Murphy anybody?
@ Marquis De Sade
I understand your perspective. These women will ultimately raise these children alone, poverty stricken and unhappy. These feelings of animosity spill over to the children and they suffer from it. What a sad enviroment to raise a child because of the parents poor decision making.
Candice
Immorality may exist worldwide but it certainly isn’t affecting other cultures in the manner that is has affected the black culture worldwide. Folks, we have a problem with treating ourselves with respect.
We lack a true relationship with God. We are no longer a God fearing people. Those that fear the Lord have wisdom. You cannot make wise choices in life without it. Those that do not fear the Lord, i.e. immoral people (please see my earlier post) are fools. They are plagued with nearly every societal problem their community faces, like a moth to a flame.
Today, we reside too much in the flesh and THAT HAS NEVER BEEN OUR DESTINY. It was the slaves’ spirit that led them out of bondage. Today, we have created our own demise. WE ARE RESPONSIBLE, PERIOD. In order to survive this mess, we have to return to out spiritual nature.
@ Utopia
LOL! It’s not hate. Think of it as tough love. You may not wan to admit it, but women ultimately decides whether a child is going to be carried to term or not.
Women have to be smarter. They have to learn how to detect these poor excuses for men. Don’t have intimate relations upon just meeting because he looks good. Find other activities to do. Talk to them and try to find out his inner character. That is what is of importance. Build a friendship without the benefit of sex. This is a better way in searching for the right mate. Not having relations with him first, and then finding out 3 months later that he is a two timing loser with little or no income with 7 kids. AIDS is the number one killer of black women. This should be enough to make wiser choices.
@ Candice
I totally agree. Amongst black women, they account for over 73% of all new HIV cases in this country…And the most startling fact is the age range: 18 – 54. Amongst other female ethnicities, it’s the usual irresponsible age range 18 – 26.
@ Josephina
These men and women are lost or tortured souls. They are possesed with demons tormenting their souls. The devil has twisted their spiritual beleifs and made them think that it is o.k. to commit fornication. The enemy is on the loose, craving what is bad. Tormenting humans at every turn. He is reaking havoc on their souls and causing turmoil in their lives. Some have no spritual guidlines and use god’s name in vain. They only turn to jesus when their life is in uproar, turmoil and heartache. After the dust settles they go right back to what is bad. If you use Jesus christ teachings in every day life, that is your only key to a successful, happy, peaceful and blessed life.
Marquis de Sade
Any suggestions on what the Black man can to help this epidemic? Are you resigned to thinking that the “men are gonna do what they want to?”
I do not think you can take sides here. If all women were to turn into pet detectives and investigate further who they intend to sleep with, do you think the issue of irresponsible fathers would go away?
Fatherless households account for the majority of the men in prison…and any level of over aggression found outside the jail… and professional dysfunctional relationships… I could go on and on.
There is no referee here counting points as to which side is better. What we have left behind is a young generation of people not ready to handle the rigors of healthy adult relationships.
this is what I like about Obama, he doesn’t narrow important issues to black or white. He sees the America as a whole. Absent fathers are epidemic in this country. While black men have been getting the most press because of the low marriage among blacks, new research has shown that middle cl***** men (black, white, and latino) who divorce just as likely to drop all contact with their children within 10 years! Many before that! The high rate of divorce in America means that no group has not been deeply touched by the injury of absentee dads. Many of you probably did not see the news broadcasts of white pasters delivering almost the exact messages to their churches.
MEN we all can do better than this.
I may be stretching it posting this on a gossip site, but here it goes. Great article from the New York Times on how blacks in France are responding to Sen.Obama’s presidential bid. It’s lenghty, but a good read. Reading this reinforces how blessed I am to live in America, yes I am patriotic. I’ve traveled to Europe and for African-Americans who think you have it bad here, visit there for a week.
========
Abroad
For Blacks in France, Obama’s Rise Is Reason to Rejoice, and to Hope
By MICHAEL KIMMELMAN
PARIS — When Youssoupha, a black rapper here, was asked the other day what was on his mind, a grin spread across his face. “Barack Obama,” he said. “Obama tells us everything is possible.”
A new black consciousness is emerging in France, lately hastened by, of all things, the presumptive Democratic nominee for president of the United States. An article in Le Monde a few days ago described how Mr. Obama is “stirring up high hopes” among blacks here. Even seeing the word “noir” (“black”) in a French newspaper was an occasion for surprise until recently.
Meanwhile, this past weekend, 60 cars were burned and some 50 young people scuffled with police and firemen, injuring several of them, in a poor minority suburb of Vitry-le-François, in the Marne region of northeast France.
Americans, who have debated race relations since the dawn of the Republic, may find it hard to grasp the degree to which race, like religion, remains a taboo topic in France. While Mr. Obama talks about running a campaign transcending race, an increasing number of French blacks are pushing for, in effect, the reverse.
Having always thought it was more racially enlightened than strife-torn America, France finds itself facing the prospect that it has actually fallen behind on that score. Incidents like the ones over the weekend bring to mind the rioting that exploded across France three years ago. Since it abolished slavery 160 years ago, the country has officially declared itself to be colorblind — but seeing Mr. Obama, a new generation of French blacks is arguing that it’s high time here for precisely the sort of frank discussions that in America have preceded the nomination of a major black candidate.
This black consciousness is reflected not just in daily conversation, but also in a dawning culture of books and music by young French blacks like Youssoupha, a cheerful, toothy 28-year-old, who was sent here from Congo by his parents to get an education at 10, raised by an aunt who worked in a school cafeteria in a poor suburb, and told by guidance counselors that he shouldn’t be too ambitious. Instead, he earned a master’s degree from the Sorbonne.
Then, like many well-educated blacks in this country, he hit a brick wall. “I found myself working in fast-food places with people who had the equivalent of a 15-year-old’s level of education,” he recalled.
So he turned to rap, out of frustration as much as anything, finding inspiration in “négritude,” an ideology of black pride conceived in Paris during the 1920s and 30s by Aimé Césaire, the French poet and politician from Martinique, and Léopold Sédar Senghor, the poet who became Senegal’s first president. Its philosophy, as Sartre once put it, was a kind of “antiracist racism,” a celebration of shared black heritage.
Négritude and Césaire are back. When Césaire died in April, at 94, his funeral in Fort-de-France, Martinique, was broadcast live on French television. The French president, Nicolas Sarkozy, and his rival Ségolène Royal both attended. Just three years ago, Mr. Sarkozy, as head of a center-right party and not yet president, supported a law (repealed after much protest) that compelled French schools to teach the “positive” aspects of colonialism. The next year, Césaire refused to meet with him. Now here was Mr. Sarkozy flying to the former French colony (today one of the country’s overseas departments, meaning he could troll for votes) to pay tribute to the poet laureate of négritude.
That said, as a country France definitely sends out mixed messages. “Négritude is a concept they just don’t want to hear about,” Youssoupha raps in “Render Unto Césaire” on his latest album, “À Chaque Frère” (“To Each Brother”). A regular short feature on French public television, “Citoyens Visibles,” hosted by a young actress, Hafsia Herzi, celebrates French artists with foreign origins.
At the same time, it’s against the rules for the government to conduct official surveys according to race. Consequently, *****ody even knows for certain how many black citizens there are. Estimates vary between 3 million and 5 million out of a population of more than 61 million.
“Can you imagine if French officials said, ‘Well, we’re not sure, the population of France may be 65 million, or maybe it’s 30 million’?” declared a somewhat exasperated Patrick Lozès, founder of Cran, a black organization devised not long ago partly to gather statistics the government won’t.
When he sat down to talk the other morning, the first two words out of his mouth were Barack Obama. “The idea behind not categorizing people by race is obviously good; we want to believe in the republican ideal,” he said. “But in reality we’re blind in France, not colorblind but information blind, and just saying people are equal doesn’t make them equal.”
He ticked off some obvious numbers: one black member representing continental France in the National *****embly among 555 members; no continental French senators out of some 300; only a handful of mayors out of some 36,000, and none from the poor Paris suburbs.
To this may be added Cran’s findings that the percentage of blacks in France who hold university degrees is 55, compared with 37 percent for the general population. But the number of blacks who get stuck in the working cl***** is 45 percent, compared with 34 percent for the national average.
“There’s total hypocrisy here,” Léonora Miano said. She’s a black author, 37, originally from Cameroon, whose recent novel “Tels des Astres Éteints” (“Like Extinguished Stars”) is about race relations as seen through the eyes of three black immigrants.
“For me it was really strange when I arrived 17 years ago to find people here never used the word race,” Ms. Miano said over coffee one afternoon at Café Beaubourg. Outside, African immigrants hawked sungl*****es to tourists. “French universalism, the whole French republican ideal, proposes that if you embrace French values, the French language, French culture, then race doesn’t exist and it won’t matter if you’re black. But of course it does. So we need to have a conversation, and slowly it is coming: not a conversation about guilt or history, but about now.”
“The Black Condition: An Essay on a French Minority” by Pap N’Diaye, a 42-year-old historian at the School for Advanced Study of the Social Sciences, is another much-talked-about new book here. “We are witnessing a renaissance of the négritude movement,” Mr. N’Diaye declared the other day.
The surge in popularity of Mr. Obama among French blacks partly stems from the hope that his rise “will highlight our lack of
@ Josephina
In a perfect world, black men would exercise more common sense, accountability, and try to find their moral comp*****, but that pesky thing called human nature and all of its’ failings tend to rear its’ ugly head. I always say, that it’s easier to the the wrong and selfish thing than it is to do the right and unselfish thing. The drag part about it is that for the last few generations, most black men have been raised by single black women, thus leading a to a dearth of strong male mentoring. I fear that it’s going to take decades to undo the all this damage.
The surge in popularity of Mr. Obama among French blacks partly stems from the hope that his rise “will highlight our lack of diversity and put pressure on French politicians who say they favor him to open politics up more to minorities,” Mr. N’Diaye said. “We in France are, in terms of race, where we were in terms of gender 40 years ago.”
He laid out some history: French decolonization during the 1960s pretty much pushed the original négritude movement to the back burner, at the same time that it inspired a wave of immigrants from the Caribbean to come here and fill low-ranking civil service jobs. From sub-Saharan Africa, another wave of laborers gravitated to private industry. The two populations didn’t communicate much.
But their children, raised here, have grown up together. “Mutually discovered discrimination,” as Mr. N’Diaye put it, has forged a bond out of which négritude is being revived.
The watershed event was the rioting in poor French suburbs three years ago. Among its cultural consequences: Aimé Césaire “started to be rediscovered by young people who found in his work things germane to the current situation,” Mr. N’Diaye said.
Youssoupha is one of those people. He was nursing a *****e recently at Top Kafé, a Lubavitch Tex-Mex restaurant in Créteil, just outside Paris, where he lives. Nearby, two waiters in yarmulkes sat watching Rafael Nadal play tennis on television beneath dusty framed pictures of Las Vegas and Rabbi Menachem M. Schneerson. A clutch of Arab teenagers smoked outside. In modest neighborhoods like this, France can look remarkably harmonious.
“Césaire is in my lyrics, and I was upset when people misinterpreted what I wrote as anti-white because négritude is the affirmation of our common black roots,” Youssoupha said.
Ms. Miano, the novelist, made a similar point. “There is no such thing as a black ‘community’ in France — yet — partly because we have such different histories,” she said. “An immigrant woman from Mali and another from Cameroon view the world in completely different ways. You also shouldn’t think there isn’t racism among blacks in France, between West Indians and Africans. There is. But ultimately we’re all black in the face of discrimination.”
Then she smiled: “Too bad I forgot to wear my Obama T-shirt.”
@ Josephina
The man can practice abstinence as well. Shunning and ostracizing them will not reach the spiritually blind. You have to reach them by showing them the consequences of their bad choices that they make. They are reaping what they sow. Show them that the wrong turn they made in their life has affected them negatively. Jesus preached amongst wolves and never condemned them. He showed them love and the right way to conduct them selves accordingly. That is how you reach them. Show them the correlation of their problems in their lives because they chose the enemies way of doing things. That is how you cast the demons that plague their poor souls.
@ Marquis de sade
The only one someone can find morality is through jesus. Their is no such thing as a force called human nature. That force that is controlling them and taking away their good judgement is the devil. The only way to right these wrongs is through jesus. He is our only hope in finding morality. These men and women have a sense of hoplessness. That is our only salvation through this mess. Jesus phrophecies are coming to p*****. Fornicators, idolaters, adulterers, men who lie with men will not inherit the kingdom of god.
The devil has these men and women so blind that they don’t know the right way. Even when faced with AIDS they still chose his way. A rubber sheath called a condom is man made. So many humans are dying from this dreadful disease, because of poor choices in a mate, being promiscuous, and also taking blood tranfusions. Jesus warned us to abstain form blood. Adhearing to his teachings is the only way to survive in these troubled times. Single parenting is part of the problem of chosing the wrong way.
obama is the only real black man in this world i see and his half but more of a black man. anywho another thing people be thinking i could be this man child lol hey i know i look mix full of other races with my long pretty ***** hair i cant help it that im all black and look so damn good and mix.
Marquis de Sade
(Check me out!)
@ Candice, Tracy & so called strong sistas
I’ve posting your sentiments for over a year in regards to the constant bad choices women make in who they mate with, and i’ve been called misogynistic or wrong – Mostly by these supposedly college educated women who post regularly on BOSSIP. Be prepared to be taken to task for your views in regards to the lack of accountability of black women who chooses to mate with these losers.
come to think of it black men mate with loser women lol dont get mad cuz yall had them ghetto hood weavey chicks in the hood. see you never had that high top black chick who no from the hood dont wear weave and a virgin why? we to damn good for you ***** stick to low cl***** ghetto. you aint never *****en with a real ***** thats so fly thats why u get fat slob white women with no careers.
look at obama look who he mate with a smart ***** *****. yall mate with *****.
i hold my self up so high cuz what im worth i wont go down low of a mate. and my man owns his own business he own 4 houses. he want to pay for my place every month now tell me whos the bad *****? cuz he *****eing with the best black woman in the world perfect in clarely there no one like me. ummm walks off like the model i am.
Is that spitzer in the back?
It’s like *****ody wants to give a fair shake to Black men- not even alot of Black men themselves. That’s cool, though- decent, intelligent, articulate brothas have to depend on themselves and other like-minded brothas for support. Brothas just have to create and maintain support and information networks, BMV being one, and a very special and unique one at that.
The women of our race have become one of our worst enemies, and you don’t see the opposition this bad among any other race or ethnicity. Where else in the world does this occur to the extent it now affects Black folks in America?
@rachel still sweet
aint nodenying that absent fathers need to step up and *****ume responsibility. but somehow, a lot of people tend to leave out the women. they tend to ignore the fact that women play a huge role in this. whatever happened to abstinence until marriage? what ever happened to having sex only in a relationship? what ever happened to using protection. women have a gazillion ways of protection but some how manage to still have outta wed laock babies.
in ya last paragragh, you seem to try to compare bad black guys and white bad guys by saying the bad white guys actually step up. if he did, then hes actually a good person. no trifling thug is that responsible. at the end of the day expecting a “bad boy” to step up and be responsible, when he wasnt ***** in the first place is plain stupid. and you trying to justify such malarchy is pathetic. men havent denied their responsibility on this issue. but womn act like they are innocent.
stop tryna defend the bull*****
i have appreciated all the stories that were shared on this post…i like so many others grew up in a single parent home…not by choice my parents were married at the time i was conceived and born…however my father could not deal with being a husband and father and split…i used to be angry with him for being an absentee parent…i guess in a way that is why i involved myself in risky behaviors which in all honestly could have gotten me raped or killed…but there were strong men in my family…uncles, grandfathers who steered me in the right direction and showed me that men can stand up and be responsible, loving, nuturing…men who told me that i was worth more than my body and to respect myself and that i would get respect in return…men who kept me in line and scolded me when i did wrong…men who i love and cherish to this day…and now that im married to a wonderful man and have a daughter of my own…i know that it was the love and lessons from the men in my life that have shaped me into the woman i am today…and choosing a man whom i know will always be loving,nurturing and a protector for my daughter is one of the best gifts i could ever give to her…
I just found out that my 17yr old cousin is pregnant with her 2nd child, 2nd baby father and this is her 3rd pregnacy. She has very low self esteem due to being very unattractive & overweight so she will let any little ***** get with her. Neither of the 3 men were boyfriends, just jumpoffs.
My father says she’s just breding tomorrows criminals. What is really sad is she is not a mature 17yr old. She has the playful mind of a 12yrs old. These single parent households effect all of us. When these kids grow up to sell drugs, rob & kil, it effects the entire community.
Claroliza,
Thank you for posting that article! I know France has always been romanticized as being the place for Negroes to go for artistic expression and appreciation, but I’ve always heard that it’s African Americans, not African/Carribean immigrants that get treated better.
I went to Paris a few years ago and asked to be taken to a cafe in a predominantly black neighborhood, heard of it by word of mouth from other black tourists. The cabbie (a poor white male) told me I shouldn’t go there, I’m not like “them”. I was a little taken aback, but saw signs all around me of how blacks are treated there. If it weren’t for my bad French, and obviously American accent, I was told they would have thought I was North African because of my somewhat “Arab” features (red skin, thick eyebrows, thick hair). I gave in to the pressure and stuck to the tourist areas. In hindsight, I wish I would have branched out and went amongst the people like anywhere I travel. Then of course, the riots in the Muslim neighborhoods followed a few months later, and I saw so much anger on TV, it amazes me how we get treated around the world.
@So called strong sistas…………Oh, my heart is bleeding for you. Brothas get such a bad rap. Give me a break!
I am from a tradition 2 parent household. My parents been married 40yrs. Just because my father has always been there for me, I do understand that most of my friends, cousins and ex-boyfriends had little or no relationship with their fathers. That is a problem that can’t be ignored.
What a powerful statement…..
@ Josephina….BRAVO!
Thanks @ lala…I’mma go order it.
I still have my dad in my life…even though he didn’t show up until I was 15…but it’s okay…
*going to order book*
yo wats good with the lady on the side…thats the epitome of holyghost right there
@ Afiya- you are very welcome! hope you enjoy it..
damn statistics…. they dont know everyone!
“Black women always have attitudes”
“Black women are mean”
Well you would have an attitude and be a little put off if you worked a full time job, picked up kids, shopped, dealt w/ school problems, paid 100% of ALL the bills, kissed, hugged and prayed w/ the kids; whipped, spanked, disciplined the kids not just on everyother weekend, BUT 24/7…
ANSWER: if black men think sistas are mean and have attitudes PLEASE straighten them out by helping out and doing your part… IT’S HARD OUT HERE FOR ONE PERSON WHO IS BOTH MOTHER AND FATHER-LIKE FIGURE… sistas want to be able to act like ladies/women and not fathers. BOTTOMLINE, Man-up and get on your J.0.B.
Ya know, I just read a fantastic point made regarding Obama’s speech on fatherhood Sunday from another site. Black women are always indicted as to why there are so many out-of-wedlock births as though, we, alone, made this baby. Many of us choose wrong men, however, while that may very well be true, it’s also an indictment on black men. If 70% of these women are raising children alone, that means 70% of these men are DEADBEATS. Some brothers choose to p***** the buck and criticize black women for our faults and failures, but fail to look in the mirror. For all these brothers that want to set black women straight, how many gangsta, hoodrat, thuggish brothers are you talking to? How many are you telling that birth control is not always 100% effective so if you and the one you are sleeping with don’t want a baby, you best make sure you are doing everything in your power to prevent it instead of putting your ***** wherever it points. Men, too, have a responsibility. What a concept, huh?
A lot of black men (not all) fail to see their own sins. I’ve often heard it said, before trying to remove the stick out of my eye, take the mot out of yours. You see, it’s always easy for SOME brothers to blame. They tend to be very arrogant and think they are beyond fault. If they do admit their faults, they chock it up to “being human,” but will continue to bash black females. Do black women (all women for that matter) need to make better choices in men? Yes! However, for each bad decision we make, there is always a counterpart, so let’s quit the black female bashing, shall we?
Oh, by the way, I expect some to disagree, but that’s okay because this is my opinion.
OBAMA MAKES A LOT OF “CONTROVERSIAL” COMMENTS ABOUT PEOPLE’S LIVES, FAMILIES, INTERESTS, BELIEFS. HE ESPECIALLY FOCUSES ON THE NEGATIVE WHEN ADDRESSING AFRICAN AMERICAN AUDIENCES. LISTENING TO OBAMA IS LIKE WATCHING THE NEWS: HYPE AND STEREOTYPE WITH A SIDE OF FEAR.
STICK TO THE POLITICS, POLICY ETC. OR SOLUTIONS, NOT PREACHING!! IM NOT VOTING FOR ANYONE BASED ON THEIR ETHNICITY. (EVERY BROTHER AINT A BROTHER) MAYBE I NEED TO BE MORE INFORMED ON WHAT HE’S DONE/DOING TO BRING ABOUT CHANGE. YES WE CAN, BUT WHAT’S THE PLAN?
Some of you have no idea what you’re talking about!
i trust my white man over any black man. i trust him with every thing. he never turn his back on me. never i can bet that ***** on my life. im going to get married to this man. we set a date.
Proud Single Mother with $$$$$$
(Check me out!)
Some of you have no idea what you’re talking about!
ok i dont mean to get on you but how the hell can u be a proud single mother with money??? dont make no since and if we dont know what we talking about call a *****en name im no ***** about mine being a single mother what went wrong thats bad? haveing sex before geting married is wrong haveing kids with out a husband is wrong! im big on that as a black woman. i know alots of black women dont live like i do but damn. just a thought