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first

You can’t put a career before your man. Plain and Simple!

second !!!!! ) will add serious input later

Here we go again…

I THINK T

Third! You have to let a man be a man. Plus, you have to open yourself to love.

With all these black man that r gay and in jail its hard.Black women will have to date outside there race and they will find a man

get invtro jk

I DONT THINK THAT WE SHOULD LOWER OUR STANDARDS FOR NO ONE ESPECIALLY TO KEEP A MAN…….I DONT SEE BLACK MEN LOWERING THEIR STANDARDS FOR US…….I WOULD BE DAMN IF I KNOW MY HUSBAND IS CHEATING AND WELCOME HIM HOME EVERYDAY TO A CLEAN HOUSE WITH DINNER READY:)

That 54% of eligible black is men is not accurate. Figure in the gay men and the black men who just wont date a black woman and I’d say that number is around 35%.

hope those states are just for american blacks…and not canadian…. =)

@ rena
us canadian gals are A-OK!!!

How many white women have never married? How many Latina women have never married?

How many of these who have ‘never’ married are in long term relationships?

How many ‘married’ women have lived single lives because the relationship dissolved without actually hitting the courts?

How many of them are single mothers? And how many women think that babymomma is a term for wife until the man leaves?

And in the end how many of us really care about this?

@comsicsistren

Black women need to travel more too. And I don’t mean to Atlanta, Jamaica, or Miami. We need to see the world, and realize that the world is our oyster. There are endless possibilities for love and romance.

We belittle our self-worth and beauty with lines like, “That white boy will never take me home to meet his mother.” Translation: “I am scared of that white boy because I might actually like him and I don’t want him to meet my family because they will judge me.”

We need to break out of this collective small town mindset because we are only setting ourselves up for disappointment. I learned years ago that you can’t live your life according to other people’s standards.

They should have done a special on why Black men refuse to marry. There are plenty of Black women who want to, but Black men just aren’t wanting the restrictions that come with marriage.

because they dont submit and dont know how to. Black women have had the burden of raising kids by themselves and when their kids grow up they know that they dont need a man. Why do they need a man..mama didn’t need one. AND…their personalities clash with a man trying to be head of household. It’s like two men living in the same house.

wow…95% mindfreeze when trying to answer such a ques……go figure!

Good piece. I can relate to these women. And I wish people would stop telling Black women to lower their standards or date outside of their race. Why? Just to have a man? Nobody tells white or Asian women to lower their standards. So why should we? We have slim pickings but that doesn’t mean we should “settle.” A lot of Black women are settling and most are unhappy!! I agree with Steve Harvey, the only advice that would be good for these women is to date older Black men.

@monique
Why marry and end up like tiger woods but the broke version…If you aint ready dont do it because then you aren’t just cheating on the woman you are cheating on God..IMO…..If you got a good head on your shoulders, work hard, have a promising career then puudussy is thrown at you from all directions..Just wrap it up..why get married???when i get married it will be to have kids…but that’s probably what cheaters do huh? still end up cheating but at least you have kids to contribute to the race…

In order for any female to marry no matter her race, is to make getting married top priority in her life and the willingness to make the necessary changes in her exterior and interior to achieve that goal. Ironically, I’m offering free coaching to any female who is serious about getting married in 2010. Check out msedna.com

…so now, as I mentioned, I’m well into my 40s. I’ve dated women of all races, and the city that I moved to some years ago also has a substantial number of African women. So they got thrown into the mix as well. And I recently asked an African woman for her hand in marriage. She accepted my proposal, so by next summer’s end, we’ll be man and wife. Which is to say I’ll enter my 50s a married man. So to anyone, man or woman, I’d advise: know your preferences, but keep your options open.

This is so disturbing… I’m 29 and I feel the same way. My standards for a man are not ridiculous. As long as he respects and loves me, is a hardworker and honest, then I am down with him. I have been thinking about dating outside my race (that’s a little difficult because most non-black men would be afraid to bring home a black woman). Or maybe date a black man from another country.
A lot of these black men (mostly American black men) these days are totally ridiculous… And it’s sad.

why so many successful Black women are single
_________________________________________

Successful Black Women are single because some of them are arrogant, have attitudes or are overweight…

- arrogant because of the success that they’ve achieved and it’s gone to their heads… SMH

- they’ve picked up that “stank” attitude nonsense from hoodrats and think that bullsh*t is cute… what they fail to realize is that a great personality ACTUALLY makes you MORE attractive and can move you up on a scale of beauty at least 2 points… you catch more bees with honey!!!

- they fail to accept the fact that men are visual and that being “overweight” is a turn off and shows that you don’t care about yourself… Other women know the deal and as a result you find them in the gym after or before work…

well said frankiestage

please ladies look for a man who is faithful and loyal to you. Money is good, but does not make you necessarily happy.

There is nothing wrong with a sister putting her career first. That’s when you open the door to meeting like minded people. The problem is too many sisters waste their “youth” on knuckleheads and deadbeats. When you are in college date only those men (whatever race) who are in college. Leave those babydaddies alone – period. They will drag you down and when you are young and single you don’t need the baggage. Stop worrying about the black men who are gay or with women outside our race. There’s a good chance you would want them anyway. Be good to yourself and other, smile, go to church and be a role model for younger sisters. The “right” man might be someone’s brother, cousin, neighbor who is doing the same things. Also, don’t over look short men. Some of them are so fine, smart and caring. I should know. I married one 20 years ago. And he’s a professional too.

more and more black men are in jail or are VERY GAY!!!!!

Though I am not fully into the “real world”, I see this in college. Granted, it’s college your supposed to have fun and all that, but the gender disparity is reflected in college. I am pursuing my Ph.D and the farther I advance academically, the smaller my dating pool becomes, so I already have not limited myself to dating black men. I open myself to anyone who will treat me right and has the qualities my father has. While I would love to marry a black man, I believe in not setting limitations. So brothers don’t look twice if you see me with someone other than you. That just means someone didn’t step up to the plate. If we all settle rather than rise to be better, we continue to weaken our race.

bottom line. women period, not just black women, settle. they don’t think they deserve better so they don’t get better. they don’t ask for better because they don’t think they should.
women don’t know what happiness is. they spend a lot of time with people who aren’t good for them. there’s plenty of men out here who can show them true happiness and marry them but if they’re caught up on these fake notions of happiness then they’re stuck.

Many of them are very educated!

Zoogley.com, offers women’s plus size tops, jeans, suits, pants, swimwear, outerwear, plus size nursing uniforms, perfume, handbags, shoes and boots up to size 15.

Some black women need to expand their options. Black men are not the only men to date. And, like Steve Harvey said,”all of ya’ll are fine!”…they are not ugly women so, I don’t understand..

I should have typed this…
Stop worrying about the black men who are gay or with women outside of the race. Chances are you would not want them anyway. I laugh when I see the brother in an interracial relationship checking me out. I wave my big wedding ring near my chin. Not thinking about you. Don’t care. The Becky usually looks tore up.

I have to agree with Steve Harvey. Successful black women in their 20′s and early 30′s who want successful relationships with black men need to date men who are older than them (mid 30′s and up). The age difference makes up for the maturity gap.

Also, screw that notion that successful black men want white women. While it’s true black men typically don’t limit their options, the majority are still marrying black women.

I have to question why this question is being raised… I’ve never been one to talk about systematic racism, but my spider sense tells me to pay attention these days since there seems to be a concerted effort to constantly underscore how “bad” things are between black women and black men. I don’t believe it.

Why are there so many successful, single black women? That’s a very valid question… but it also has to be asked in the context of why there are so many single women ACROSS ETHNIC LINES.

45% of single, non-Hispanic, white women are also single.

40% of single, Asian women are single.

See: http://www.nytimes.com/2007/01/16/us/16census.html

Why doesn’t ABC get a white or Asian comedian/relationship expert to talk about the slim pickings of white and Asian men?

Sometimes it feels like there is a segment of society that loves sowing discord among Black people in this society. But to what end?

So many are single simply bc of numbers. Black women out number black men then with prison and the homo’s its no way every black woman can find her black prince sooo black women need to be more like black men and be open to dating outside of the black race. There are GREAT looking spanish, asian and white men that would love and respect a succesful black woman

I’m an AA female from mixed parentage. My father is West Indian and my mother is AA. They are Still married for over 30+ years. My mother is far from submissive but has show that she supports my father emotionally and spiritually. I have picked up those morals and know how to cater to a man while being a Strong Black Women. It’s a balance. Yes I know how to cook/clean/throw down in a bedroom. But I’m not doing that for every Tom/Raheim/Jaden that I meet. I’m 30 and unmarried. NYC is HUGE and it feels like there are no option.

I also work in the Criminal Justice system. Marrying a man who has a record is NOT an option for me. I will not choose a man over being able to provide food on my table and a roof over my head especially when most American Black men aren’t interested in marriage. Caribbean men are marriage minded but are swiftly picking up American ideals and are starting to get married later in life. I’m 30 no kids, NO ABORTIONS either, and want to be a Wife/Mother before my eggs dry up.
No lie I’m about to do a European Excursion and go the “other” route. I don’t care if they’re Middle Eastern/European or from Jupiter. Waiting on AA men will have you f’d and forgotten.

lulu
12/26/09, 10:43:am

With all these black man that r gay and in jail its hard.Black women will have to date outside there race and they will find a man

——————————-

Thanks Lulu. I agree. Some of the comments are just plain stupid. Let a man be a man. Lower your standards. Black women have to start looking outside of their own race. It is really that simple. Waiting on the perfect black man that will never come have left them alone. Never lower your standards. NEVER. Men and women both should be able to find mates that match their success, intelligence, and life choices. Many are probably looking in the wrong places.

But, a black woman could learn to kill the attitude. Thats for real. Sometimes good black men are intimidated by successful women.

it’s white b u l l s h i t

I think single people make the mistake of “checklist” romance. He/she has to have this or that and look this way or that. True romance and love is like a spark that catches fire and rages uncontrollably. It consumes those caught in it. If we are busy checking boxes on a list, it will never happen. Speaking for myself, every true love I’ve ever had was an “as is” deal. In other words, whatever was on her list to begin with became my list of desirable qualities. I think if we accept a person for who and what they are independently from some ideal, we’d be happier in the long run. Tiger is an extreme case but he found exactly what he wanted “on paper.” The day to day reality of his hand picked, “perfect” mate was not so ideal as it turns out. Use your head, no doubt, but bring passion and desire back into the mix when considering a mate.

EbonyLolita said: “…My mother is far from submissive but has show that she supports my father emotionally and spiritually. I have picked up those morals and know how to cater to a man while being a Strong Black Women. It’s a balance….” That balance will serve you well. Some women are too in to displaying their strength via masculine displays. But the subtleties of feminity are often more “strong,” and more effective, than the masculine approach.

Some women who reach that position of excellence and don’t know how to treat a man.They want the man to wear the purse and take care of the kids or if she makes more money she throws it in his face and expects to make all the decisions in the house.Just like some men that date these women feel that all her education and money making potential means nothing.”Just go in the kitchen and make my dinner”,basically they don’t respect her status and feel threatened by her.Since the male-ego can be as fragile as delicate glass.Successful women shouldn’t have to dumb themselves down just to make him feel more manly,but being submissive isn’t considered weak.There’s away to let a man be man without losing self-identity.Let him pay the bills(if he can),don’t put him down in public,have respect for yourselves,be able to take care of house(its not that hard),also a lot of men that I know love to care for women or be needed,so just let him have that.And successful black women shouldn’t date down,like if your dating a manager from mickey d’s or a mechanic.Those are ok because they will always make money,but dating Q from the corner that sells t-shirts and lives in his mother’s basement isn’t smart.I’ve also noticed that black men that are threatened by successful black women are usually the ones that have zero ambition and never will move up in the corporate world or any other field.They want these women to cater to them and make them feel like the man,when they aren’t really a “man” yet!Then there are gay men,confused men,color-struck men(who only date one ethnicity instead of all not just black),and the ones with the Oedipus complex,and the boys posing as men,that’s a whole ‘nother story,lol!

As a black man I can understand the these ladies concern. However my question is what did they do when they were in college or age 21-27???? That is what ladies and reports never show that in most cases while they are younger that they are Pro I’m-to-Independent or Hollywood status and passed on a lot of guys that were trying to be that husband for them. As a black professional, working for a Fortune 100 company and working towards a JD/MBA and most of all a Christian!!!!
I NO LONGER feel sorry for black females. I had a black female, I was dating for 5 years, I never cheated, I never disrespected, and asked to marry me say yes and then go “I want to do me and follow my dreams before we do this” on me.
But in 5 years she’ll on someone show saying the same thing…. Both male and females are at fault.

I

why so many successful Black women are single
_________________________________________

If they are SOOO fine, accomplished and wonderful then why aren’t ALL men chasing after them *and NOT just trying to f*ck to fulfill their “chocolate fantasy”, I’m talking about put a ring on it???

What I said earlier is the reason why successful Black Women are single = arrogant, stank attitude or overweight…

Their head is too far up their a$$es to realize it!!!

By the time they realize it, it’ll be too late… SMMFH

The problem is that how these successful women PERCEIVE themselves is ACTUALLY a far cry from what the REALITY is and they are not as “wonderful” and a great catch as they think of themselves to be…

I wish them well.

“The brothers I know that married white women, didn’t marry them because they just wanted a white woman… they married them because they believe that they are EASIER TO LIVE WITH. What I have heard them says is that black women are argumentative and have attitudes.”

Were their mothers the same way?

My parents and I also discussed the internalization of stereotypes among some blacks as well. Some of us also seem unable to differentiate the personalities/actions of individuals from the community as a whole. In other words, we thrust the same labels and generalized perceptions upon one another that have been affixed to us by people outside the race.

@ Dr Drake..I agree witcha..alot of black women act like they want you to put a foot in their rump. Alot of yall need to go to prison and try to clean up a rudeboi to be happy.. I wouldn’t marry a white woman but i think about it. Stop the drama, wash the dishes, cook something, go downtown, and just buy a gift from time to time..that’s it. If I was a woman I dont think it would be hard for me to get a man because I would do whatever he says and in turn he would do what I say SOMETIME. But OH NO..Black women aint even havin it..lol..i aint mad atcha. just be single cause white men dont want that drama either.

AND FOR SOME BLK WOMEN,.. THEY MONEY IZ THEY MAN!

@Sydney:

Yeah…the FIRST thing I noticed was that they were attractive.The second thing I noticed was that they appeared completely devoid of ‘TUDE.

Here we go with this ish again.

@Dr, Hayden Drake

Good post.

@Dr. Funk

“Yeah…the FIRST thing I noticed was that they were attractive.The second thing I noticed was that they appeared completely devoid of ‘TUDE.”

Exactly. And yet they’re still single, and there are men posting in this thread that to still be single, a black woman must be unattractive, overweight, or have an “attitude.” (another stereotype)

So what is the reason for these women’s plight?

Could it be that this issue actually extends beyond black women? I did see a thread posted recently about Steve Harvey’s remarks about misogyny and some other issues among some brothers, and, from what I recall, male posters tore him to shreds.

Dont be white and stop do mixed kids!

@SCORPIO:

Bless you.I see it that way from a male angle.Being single is preferable to to being involved in SEVERELY FLAWED INSTITUTION.(marriage) I do not envy my friends-black white or otherwise-who have chosen that route.Did they really win !?!

The answer is simple!! Men like women who have drama!!! Successful women are boring to them.

2010 is going to be a big year!! Bring in the new year looking fabulous!! Visit the BE FASHION Closet at: befashiononline dot com. FREE STANDARD SHIPPING on all items!! Offer ends January 2, 2010!! United States & Puerto Rico Only!!

Sydney,

I know we go back and forth with each other but seriously. Sometimes its not about the study of the socio-economic or general stereotypes.

Why is it so hard for you to believe that some black men, simply through their own first hand experiences dating various types of black women, find similar characteristics that are often unattractive. This is not always the case of course but when black men say, This IS The Problem, why instead of addressing the problem do some (you) black women look to through redirect the issue back on to the men? Obviously large numbers of successful black men are making the same decisions and finding the same results. I think that at least deserves some looking into.

Dr, Hayden Drake

AMEN

ohh well, here we go. Let the hate fest begin.

Advice to BW, work on youselves. If you’re a good person already work on being an even better person and if you’re not well hell take a long hard look at yourself because you need a reality check.

Two kinds of women get a man’s attention
1) Gorgeous women and
2)women who are down to earth and endeering but also fairly attractive.

If you’re neither and you have a bad attitude/out look on life you’re not even in the running. If you’re the former and you have a bad attitude there is always a replacement for you and you will be tossed as soon as someone prettier or with a better attitude comes along. If you’re a combination of the two and you still can’t find a black man relax because you are among the 10% that men of other races wouldn’t mind scooping up so try the swirl out. With BW its usually a mind over matter thing.

If you’re the second kind of woman and you have a positive attitude are ambitious and still can’t find a husband, you may just want to relax your criteria a bit. You may have to settle for a slightly unattractive guy who will treat you like a queen or someone who you don’t have explosive chemistry with. You may also just want to not sweat the whole marriage thing. There are worse things in life than never being married. When you look at the characteristics of many men today and the heart ache and head ache that many of your married counterparts endure you will see that marriage is usually not what its cracked up to be. It is a lot of work to maintain and unfortunately ladies, the bulk of that will fall on you.

Most important for all ladies is to never come across as being desperate. You should be able to sustain yourself with out any help from someone else. Find yourself hobbies that bring fulfillment. Build for yourself a strong base with family and friends. Travel to places you’ve never been and experience the culture. Form a good bond with the creator. Plant a garden and till the soil.

im black men and white girls not attractive to me i love only black/mixed sisters and black/mixed latino sisters (not white)…..just be keep it real!

SYD
HEY DARLING ..LOOK AT THEM THEY DATE PROF AND NOT SO MANY BROTHAZ FIT THAT CRITERIA, AND THE COICES ARE SLIM FOR THEM AND WHAT ELSE OR WHO ELSE TO DATE? ,…WHITE MEN,I COME ACROSS THESE TYPE WOMEN ALL THE TIME I KNOW WHAT THEY LIKE …ATHELETES AND CELEBS AND BLK PROF …WHICH IZ OK BUT GIVE THE SRUGGLING BROTHA SOME PLAY HE MAY HAVE SOME GOOD IDEAS ON HOW TO MAKE THE MONEY LAST FOREVER!

I don’t think it’s about being submissive, it’s about be respectful. And respect goes both ways.

“being respectful”

like i said… GO TO AFRICA TO GET GOOD BLACK MAN!!!

why so many successful Black women are single
_________________________________________

NO man (Black, white or whatever) is trying to come home to confrontation, a stank attitude or deal with an educated snob…

Black Women, don’t you see what the OTHER women are doing to take the Good Black Men away from you = being nice, pleasant, fun to be around, warm and positive…

Why don’t you try that for a change and if you need to shed a few pounds go to the gym or start taking brisk walks… Remember men are visual… If a man had to choose between a fat girl and a slim or normal sized girl which one do you think he’d choose??? SMMFH

Do what works!!!

Andromaches

“What exactly have black American men done to prove themselves worthy of headship in regards to black women?”

Well on that line of logic, what has the black woman done to merit the title of wife? – And considerin’ the sad plight of black boys over the past few generations, most of you aren’t worthy of the title, mother, either.

Because just because you are educated and successful doesn’t mean you’re wife and mother material. I don’t care about your degrees, i have three myself; a degree can’t raise kids with love, foster them, cook a meal from scratch for them. It’s like women are ashamed of being women nowadays and think that the things our mom and grandmom use to do for us is beneath them. My question for all these successful women out there, what are you bringing to the table other than your degree and your skills in bed?

@Dr. Hayden Drake

“Sometimes its not about the study of the socio-economic or general stereotypes.”

It is when “general stereotypes” continually emerge during conversations that could otherwise be healthy and productive.

“Why is it so hard for you to believe that some black men, simply through their own first hand experiences dating various types of black women, find similar characteristics that are often unattractive.”

Because I know there are a number of black women who are bending over backwards, as we speak, to attract and keep black men. Because I PERSONALLY know many attractive sisters whose personalities match their exteriors. Because I choose NOT to delve into stereotypes. Hmm, let’s see, if I based my views of black men on what I see on the news, and, may I say, on this very website, should I conclude that the majority are violent, ill-tempered, poor communicators, prone to producing children outside of wedlock, and despise their mothers?

“This IS The Problem, why instead of addressing the problem do some (you) black women look to through redirect the issue back on to the men?”

Because, good doctor, perhaps the problem IS you and the choices you make. If you’re the common denominator in all your poor relationships is you, it may be time for a good look in the mirror, and the same goes for women.

Because Sistas are Beta. Becky’s are Blu-Ray.

Because
Everyone
Can’t
Keep
You

Sorry
I
Stopped
That
Activity

LAWS OF ATTRACTION

If you are an attractive, successful, educated, sensitive, sweet, supportive, feminine, loving black woman and you shouldn’t be single.

Plenty of successful black men WANT you. But maybe the problem isn’t successful black men not wanting you… but you not wanting them.

If you are attracted to thuggish masculinity, a soldier with swagga, that’s gonna beat it up for you at night and fight for you in the club. (via the laws of attraction) you get a thug and all that comes with him. That doesnt mean that there aren’t good black men out there, it just means good black men aren’t what you are attracted to.

@ Tyron…why you say brisk walks..haha…normal sized or slim..Slim because if she’s slim she can go to normal and not directly to fat..Keep ya head up ladies. Maybe some if some aliens invade earth they will be black men…its a possibility…

BE

@Marquis De Sade

damn tell them how you really feel? lol

I just don’t understand why a relationship between the black female and male is so tough.

@Glok

“SISTAZ WHO MAKE THIS KINDA OF MOEY SHOULD OPEN UP WORKSHOPS FOR BROTHAZ ..TEACH THESE YOUNG BLK MEN HOW TO BE MEN…”

Glok, brother, now you and I and many others know that this is at the crux of many of our current issues — Women CANNOT raise men. We need brothers to teach boys how to be men.

People are falling for the okey-doke.

According to the last Census, 51% of all women in America are single.

More than 40% of Asian women.
More than 45 of white women.
And upwards of 70% of Black women.

Successful women no matter the color are largely single. But with the incarceration rate of black men, obviously the problem is more noticeable for black women.

This is not about black women “not submitting.” No grown a** adult needs to submit to another grown a** adult. They merely need to figure out how to collaborate and work as a team.

Now what is interesting is that those women are all in Atlanta. Atlanta has the largest black population in the country. It draws the largest number of successful young blacks to the same area. So obviously the dating disparity is going to be greater there.

If Black people (men and women) got out of their comfort zones (be it cities, clubs, social groups, etc) they’d find a lot more like-minded people of all colors.

I hate how people judge a whole population of people from a sample. You cannot place a label on on black women because you dated a couple bad one and the same likewise for black women viewing black men. However what the media likes to perpetuate these stereotypes and we tend to view this as everyday life. For black men if you don’t want to get married just don’t get married and be real about the reason why. This is where alot of the problems start is with communication. If she knew why then maybe there can be some to talk about. From my experiences only, my only, cause I have seen a lot of good brothers, a brother will say a black women has is complains too much if she asks certain questions he know he doesn’t have a good answer too. Then it automactically becomes nagging. For example I asked a dude have you ever thought about going to school to secure your future. He says yes and that he wants to do better. So peridically I try to encourage him on getting started. I mentioned one time lets go together and get you enrolled in school. He caught an attitutde. Saying i nagged him too much about it and I need to go get my harvard grad my standards are too high. I’m like wtf, this is your future not mine. But I’m nagging. If he didn’t want to attend school just be real about how you feel and stop acting like you are concerned about your future and telling me what I want to hear. That way I know up front and won’t be “nagging” you about something I am looking for that you never had and said you did. Men lye alot about who they are to get the the chick and when confronted, oh you nag to much, give me a break.

who do you think raised all these uneducated/criminal negroes?….black women, i think we need to work on being better mothers first…

AND THATZ THE PROBLEM BLK WOMEN FROM A EARLY AGE DISPISE US, MDEIA TAUGHT YOU TO CHOOSE ELSEWHERE, THEY DONT RESPECT US BLK MEN AND WILL NEVER RESPECT US UNTIL HE RESPECTS HIMSELF …YES I WILL TAKE ONE FOR THE TEAM AND SAY SOME BROTHAZ DONT DESERVE YOU SISTAZ,SISTAZ YOU BUST YOUR AZZ FROM PRIMARY SCHOOL INTO THE REAL WORLD ..BUT YOU FORGOT WE ARE RIGHT THERE TOO, REALTALK…

What’s up Sydney?

Everyone should just find who works for them whether black or non-black…….

As a black woman currently pursuing her BA degree and hope to go on to achieve more, this story is pretty scary. It kind of looks like I am looking into my future. The funny thing is that the less accomplished black women ARE getting the black men. It kind of makes me feel like my degree will be my man. Whatever. I’m not compromising my future. EVER.

Another program focused on black issues in order to entertain white people. These television stations love to portray blacks/hispanics,Arabs, etc. as being disfunctional people, as if white people are not disfunctional. When is ABC, NBC,CNN or any of the other stations going to do a segment on why white people have such as high divorce rate, or why white women are victims of domestic violence. This propaganda is used to allow white people (the targeted audience) to feel comfortable and justified in their racist and bigoted beliefs.

I will be the first to admit that the brothers have to get it together too. We have some issue that seriously need to be addressed so that we can be loving fathers, husbands and community members.

But that has been said, black men acknowledge that we have issues. Black women like Sydney are still in denial about black women also having issues. Not stereotype,s thats becoming your easy way out, Syd, if you don’t want to address it, you pretend its not real by labeling it a stereotype, I get it but its not productive.

I will ask it plainly for you, Syd. Do you think that black women have any issues that they need to work on that could contribute positively to the marriage situation?

And Yes we are talking in general because not all of anything is anything, so don’t use that as an excuse not to answer… again.

What is it Syd, that you think black women in general need to work on? Or are you all perfect?

I am a guy that dates all types as long as they fit my criteria. I really don’t have a preference. People should just sit back and ponder what they would really desire in a mate, aside from financial security. If they are hard-working, financial security will follow. I think all women and men alike should ask themselves does this person have a realistic plan and is he/she working diligently to achieve their goals? If not, let someone else have them.If black males/females don’t have their stuff together and come with extra baggage (children, criminal records I say don’t even bother….

@FLAWDA

AMEN BROTHER!

man, people are so ignorant!!!
LOVE HAS NO FU©KING COLOUR!!!!!!!!!!
BLACK WOMEN HAVE TO PUT THEMSELVES OUT THERE TO GET A MATE THEY CANT JUST WAIT!!!!

Hey John

@Dr. Hayden Drake

“But that has been said, black men acknowledge that we have issues. Black women like Sydney are still in denial about black women also having issues. Not stereotype,s thats becoming your easy way out, Syd, if you don’t want to address it, you pretend its not real by labeling it a stereotype, I get it but its not productive.

I will ask it plainly for you, Syd. Do you think that black women have any issues that they need to work on that could contribute positively to the marriage situation?”

Well, now that you mention it, I just wrote on a thread within the past week that I believe more sisters should subscribe to the “put marriage before the carriage” adage and view themselves as potential wives. But, to do so, requires that they love themselves first, and I think that low self-esteem is an issue among a number of sisters. I think some of us believe we have to settle, that we’re not attractive enough (referencing the “mainstream” images of beauty), are not valuable enough, and are not worthy of love. I also think some sisters need to be taught how to carry themselves with more respect and dignity. What you wear, what you say, how you comport yourself all factor into how others view you and how you will be approached and treated.

I think we ALL need to get it together, but we seem to be mired down in these destructive attempts to belittle and degrade one another. These conversations all seem to end up in the same direction — which is nowhere.

Gimmeabreak78

u just not want black men

MOCK ROCK
SEE MOCK ROCK WHO CRAVES A C.OCK,I READ YOUR CHIT THE OTHER DAY,BUT I DONT THINK YOU HAD BADDER CHICKS THAN ME ….BUT CHIT I BET YOU CAN LICK A PUSEE LIKE NODOY BIZNESS TOO ….THAT HELPS!

@flawda

“The reason why there are so many thugs is because that’s the image that black women said they want, if black women said we wan’t educated and nice guys; black men would change.”

What about what YOU want, and what you want your legacy to be in this life?

I’m sure many black men want scantily clad women like the ones they see in strip clubs. Am I going to alter myself to fit their “desires?” Heck no.

@Glok

“SO IF YOU SISTAZ ARE RAISING BLK MEN TEACH THEM WHAT IT IS YOU NEED OF HIM IN LIFE”

Glok, brother, I’m trying to convey to you that what you described is a job that is best handled by a man. I know some may disagree with me, but we cannot deny that our community is in a crisis.

YOU KNOW IM HIGH SO F THEM TYPOS PLZ!

“Gmen
12/26/09, 12:48:pm

Gimmeabreak78

u just not want black men”

Nope. Gimmeabreak78 is young and (obviously) spent a portion of her life dating a bunch of street pharmacist and a slew of Tupac/Biggie wannabes. She (like a lot of sistas) just refuse to own up to the fact that at one time they couldn’t suppress that sweet tooth for “THUG D.I.C.K.”.

@flawda

“What does that say about yall that you guys continue to fall for the same dumb *****s without ambition”

That’s precisely why I stated that if you can’t find what you value in black men, move around. I never once said settle for the immature, unstable black man.

@Gmen

I do want a black man, but not just for the sake of having ANY black man. I want a black man with parity. Unfortuantely, the number of black men whose lifestyle and values are comparable to mine is lower than the number of white men with the same thing.

educated sn.ob

@ Marquis de Sade

You’re very presumptuous. I’ve never dated a drug dealer or thug, or anyone like that. Every man I’ve ever dated has been college-educated and professional. Kindly keep your incorrect assetions about me (a total stranger) to yourself.

It use to be that all the black men are in jail or gay. Now we can say they are in jail, gay, or with Becky!!!!!!!

I am a single Black Man. I have a BA and and MBA. I make nearly a six figure salary. I own my own home and drive a luxury car.

I see fathers playing with their children and I get a little jealous because I want that too. I want a family and kids.

Problem is, I haven’t found the woman.

I have found several beautiful black women who would make great wives…. but they don’t want children. So that ends it for me.

I also find that some successful black women
instead of just talking with you, every conversation is a competition. Or they are always looking to impress their friends and churches. It’s like can we just be.

I’ve dated white women and I have to say I found it easier. Less attitude, less drama, less to prove. Okay just being quiet sometimes and letting me talk, or feel the way I feel.

But I could never seriously be with a white woman. My mother, aunts and sister would kill me. Plus I want black children.

I agree with Dr. Hayden.

Over all it seems like black women want you to be perfect for them but they don’t want to do anything about their part. It’s aaaaalll us and they think they are perfect.

Thats why they are perfectly single.

Gimmeabreak78

“Unfortuantely, the number of black men whose lifestyle and values are comparable to mine is lower than the number of white men with the same thing.”

Then what’s the problem? Have you found that “SUITABLE” whiteman yet?…And if not, why haven’t you?

It’s like what I typed earlier: “Y’all need to get rid of this mindset of marryin’ a list of “CRITERIA’S” and “TITLES”, and remember at the end of the day, you’re marryin’ a human being with flaws, insecurities and shortcomings just like YOU!”

@ Sydney

Personally i don’t wan’t to get married or value my happiness on whether or not i have a partner. All i am saying is WOMEN HAVE ALOT OF POWER and a man will act according to what your wants and needs are. Why do you think you got these fake thugs walking around here on campus, because that’s the image they have to use to pull women; everyone knows there are no thugs in college. Like i said earlier too, it’s all what you’re bringing to the table too because being successful is not synonymous with being a good wife and mother.

SYD ..I GLAD YOU HAVE HOPE FOR THE BROTHAZ ,..THAT WE CAN CHANGE AND MAKE A BETTER AND BRIGHTER STRONGER MAN OUT OF US..SIS THE CRISIS IZ THE BLK MAN IS IN THE WORST CONDITION EVER ..THE SPOTLIGHT IZ ON US AND ALWAYS HAS….WE GOT THE BROTHAZ THAT NEED TO BE ELIMINATED OUT OUR RACE …AND THE RIGHTEOUS ONES WHO GET NO ATTENTION CUZ THEY DEEMED SOFT. SO HOW CAN SOME OF THESE CRACK BABIES COMPREHEND WHAT A POSITIVE BROTHA HAS TO SAY!!

why black men so stupid be-cuz black women is stupid…..why white men so smart be-cuz white women is smart……FACT!

Plus, even if the theory of “it’s my mama’s fault that I’m a thug were true,” what happened to taking responsibility for our own lives. It’s getting old just like this conversation.

@Negrodamus:

I don’t want a thug. Never have. Never dated one. I’m not even sure I’ve ever known one. I do look outside the box, which is why I have dated white and Latino men in addition to black men. I want parity and have always wanted it. Here’s what that means to me:

1. college-educated
2. childless (preferable, but I can work with a father with very strict limits)
3. Christian (in lifestyle, not just name)
4. employed
5. upwardly mobile professionally.
6. no prison record

I don’t let Beyonce, Tyler Perry, Oprah or anyone else dictate my values. I’m not looking for a man to increase my status or be my meal ticket. I’m looking for a man to complement my status and that is not something I will apologize for.

@gimmeabreak78

You’ll find a man. Don’t stress about it.

@Andromaches

“What exactly have black American men done to prove themselves worthy of headship in regards to black women? I’d really love for someone to answer this question logically. I’m genuinely puzzled that any black man in the U.S. thinks he’s somehow superior to black women and fit to hold dominion in any way.”

This was the system that was created generations ago to create divisions between black men and women for the purposes of widespread control. It was such an effective, insidious, debilitating process that the effects of it are still with us to this day, as is evident here. The black man was deliberately emasculated to the point that his own woman would see him as unable to head the household.

@flawda

“All i am saying is WOMEN HAVE ALOT OF POWER and a man will act according to what your wants and needs are. Why do you think you got these fake thugs walking around here on campus, because that’s the image they have to use to pull women; everyone knows there are no thugs in college”

Again, what power do MEN have, particularly in terms of their own images, the same ones that are projected not only to others in their community, but around the world? Who created the “thug” image, to begin with?

Toussaint Beaupre -

I’ve dated white women and I have to say I found it easier. Less attitude, less drama, less to prove. Okay just being quiet sometimes and letting me talk, or feel the way I feel.
===========================================
Sigh. Yeah, same story, different day. So Mr. Beaupre, if this were true, how come white men across the board aren’t stating that. White women get cheated on, abused, divorced, and treated like dog mess, but yet, black men still have this pie in the sky, “white women are just the pinnacle of perfection” mentality. Maybe some of you brothers come at them in a certain way. Please tell me that every black woman you’ve meant has been attitudinal, loud, and with drama. If those are the only kinds of sisters you are meeting, you might want to change your venue. How come I as a black women (been one all my life) don’t know those kinds of sisters. No, I don’t date them, but overall, I know the character of my friends, and they are not the “typical” description so many black men love to spout on a daily basis.

ALSO THEY FORGOT TO ADD TO THE LIST OF NON-HS DIPLOMA,INCARCERATIONS, NO JOBS.

THEY FORGOT TO ADD BLACK GUYS WHO ARE ELIGIBLE WHO ONLY WANT TO DATE WHITE WOMEN.

THAT IS ANOTHER BIG CHUNK OF GUYS ADDED TO THAT LIST!!

@ Marquis de Sade

“Y’all need to get rid of this mindset of marryin’ a list of “CRITERIA’S” and “TITLES”, and remember at the end of the day, you’re marryin’ a human being with flaws, insecurities and shortcomings just like YOU!”
_______________________________________________

I’m not pretending that I will meet a perfect human being, but in a marriage, everyone needs standards and criteria just for the sake of compatibility. I’m not naive enough to drop “gainfully employed”, for example, off my list of criteria, just to “try to make it work” with Lamont from around the way. Please.

I think coming soon black ppl will die in america!

Oh great another woman with a check list, people aren’t a new car or a new home getting appraised. Some of you women need to learn how to read a man, he isn’t gonna have everything right away (degrees, home, car,etc) but does he have the ambition, heart, and desire. No man want’s to feel like he is on a interview when he talks to a women, what next; “what’s your credit score”?

JackieB – I tend to agree with you; however, the majority of brothers are married to black women. With that said, I agree. The black women detractors make every excuse in the book to justify their dislike for black women. I wish these men would take a long, good look in the mirror and see that maybe, just maybe, they have some issues. So many of them think they are the picture of perfection. No one is perfect.

I think like so many black people, many of them think white is right regardless. All the arguing and back and forth and talk about this same topic isn’t going to change until black men/women stop making excuses and own up to the decisions we make in our lives.

this supposed problem isnt unique to black women. White , and hispanic women have the same issue and it has little to do with the lack of mate availability. The fact is that women judge men based on social status and income, and no matter how much money/status a woman has of her own, she will usually seek a mate who has more, Thus the higher a womans status /income the smaller her chances are of finding a mate with as much money and status as she has. this fact coupled with the fact that high status men tend to have a lower standard for choosing mates( usually physical beauty ) , and the wide availability of women willing to compete sexually with one another for the attention of these men makes it very difficult for the high status female to find a mate she deems suitable.

@WordtotheWise

“yet, black men still have this pie in the sky, “white women are just the pinnacle of perfection” mentality.”

On a side note, has anyone else noticed the differences in perceptions of the behavior of some women of other races? I didn’t see any of the usual name-calling with Tiger’s current situation, and, yes, I found it very conspicuous. Some of us seem to assign certain characteristics to individuals based on skin color — most often, those who look like us.

These women are suffering from combination of obsessive-compulsive disorder,somatization disorder and major depressive episode.they all need serious mental psychological evaluation and treatment.these women will need advance cognitive and rational-emotive therapy to get their minds right.

@ Sydney

The image came from fatherless boys who turned to the streets and fatherless girls who grew up with no male figures in their lives. These dudes don’t have no male figures teaching them how to be a man (being responsible) as opposed to females who have their mothers who can teach them how to be a woman.Being a nice guy is like being a nerd, it doesn’t get any play with females so guys adjust to get puzzy. We are chasers as dudes, we will adjust to whathever females say.

“Any sister that would want to marry a white man, is not the kind of sister a real black man wants any way. I want my wife to be proud to be black and have black babies and p***** down positivity of black and African culture.

So if you want a white dude you will probably be waiting just as long as you have to find a good black man that meets your long lists of expectations. Please find a white man and get the H3ll out of our way.”

LOL, I’ve read the very same statement from black women concerning black men who view white women as somehow superior.

Egads, it seems we do agree on something in this thread.

Why do office romances happen so much? It’s because we spend many “unguarded” hours together. Throw black and white out the window. Our most attractive selves are our real selves. When someone feels that another person loves their real self, the good, bad and ugly, it is beautiful and liberating. Ladies, would you rather have a “credentialed” husband and be unhappy or someone less credentialed but real and in love with the real you? The degree you hold or the money you make does not necessarily predict what type of mate you will be. I think women want men to come completely assembled. We are all works in progress and we should be able to consider that and evaluate potential.

@Gimmeabreak78
Why Christian? I see that on a lot of Black women’s lists… And aside from that, I hit every criteria on the list. But I’m not religious.

Religion/spirituality is an extremely personal thing… Hell, people can’t even agree on the meaning of “the word” in the same church, much less the same race. What do you think of as a Christian lifestyle? I have non-black friends where one is Jewish and the other is Catholic… one is Muslim, the other is agnostic. But most black women I meet are adamant about finding a “Christian man.” What about a man with a good set of values?

Seems to me that might be one of those list items that narrows your dating pool (irrespective of color) tremendously.

Hook em’ horns… Bama is going down!

You guys should check out Reflection Eternal’s new song with Mos and Jay Electronica…CRAZY

On a side note, Gelila Bekele is so pretty!

@ Sydney,

I appreciate your response to my question. I found it insightful and honest. I think you are absolutely correct about the issues that black women have. I simply wish that those things would be addressed more than they are. I think that black women need to hear more of the things you listed as issues rather than creating blame fantasies about why they are not married.

@ Sydney,

I appreciate your response to my question. I found it insightful and honest. I think you are absolutely correct about the issues that black women have. I simply wish that those things would be addressed more than they are. I think that black women need to hear more of the things you listed as issues rather than creating blame fantasies about why they are not married.

@toussaint

You are right. Other cultures of men are not as interested in marrying black women. It is much easier for black men to go out side of the race than it is for black women. And it’s not because of some female black loyalty. They would if they could but they can’t so they don’t, (often times, rare exceptions)

@WordtotheWise

“Many of these brothers don’t know the power they possess because they didn’t have fathers.”

Exactly. Men teach boys the lessons of manhood.

“Many of them don’t go around admonishing white women for the failures of a few. Why is it that black men do?”

Because whites, unlike us, are generally viewed as individuals, rather than a population as whole, when it comes to perceptions of their behaviors and characteristics. Some of us are taking a closer look at the deeper meaning behind the words we use to describe members of our race.

@flawda

“The image came from fatherless boys who turned to the streets and fatherless girls who grew up with no male figures in their lives.”

Yes, I agree. And when fathers return to the helm of the households and alter the images of men currently being disseminated, then real change may occur.

“Being a nice guy is like being a nerd, it doesn’t get any play with females so guys adjust to get puzzy.”

Correction: Being a “nice guy” doesn’t get play with certain women — the wrong ones.

Oh yeah, one more thing F*CK Steve Harvey!!!

This b*tch a$$ ni@@a been married 3 DIFFERENT times and got the nerve to think he’s the authority on relationships… Huh???

Does that make ANY SENSE???

If he’s soo smart how come he’s been divorced so many times…

Gimmeabreak78

After white and Latino men the black men will want you?

@Slide

I do agree with your statement about Steve Harvey (whom I can’t stand anyway).

@Dr. Hayden Drake

“I think you are absolutely correct about the issues that black women have.”

I want to make a clarification that I was referring to “some” black women, just as “some” black men have similar issues that affect their eligibility to be suitable husbands/fathers.

“I simply wish that those things would be addressed more than they are.”

There are people who are addressing these issues. My mother told me this morning about a group she heard of that is designed to boost self-esteem among black women. There are sisters who are volunteering as mentors to young girls.

“I think that black women need to hear more of the things you listed as issues rather than creating blame fantasies about why they are not married.”

While these issues may indeed be a factor, the Nightline segment also pointed out other social factors that affect the dating scene for black women as well.

I’ve had many conversations with other sisters about the perception of the “dearth” of suitable black men. I think there are suitable black men out there, but you’re not going to meet your husband in certain venues, in certain packages (keep in mind that when Barack dated Michelle, he was driving a car with a hole in the bottom), or if you’re a person who isn’t internally prepared to meet her mate.

GIMMEABREAK SHUT YOUR TRAP YOU SOUNDING LIKE A REAL TRAMP RIGHT NOW …I BET YOU LET THEM GLAZE YOUR FACE TOO!

My brother married beautiful PURE sister….so i think a problem in you BLACK WOMEN!

TO ALL:

AS A MARRIED BLACK MAN.

Marriage is something you must be prepared for. There are things you have to be ready to give up, to gain the beauty of a fulfilling marriage.

Both sides have to give up a little EGO.
Both have to be willing work together.
Both have to give up the need to always be right.
Both have to be willing to adjust their lives to fully include the other.

You will have to do things that you have never done before. You will have to bend more.

You have to be in love enough to want to make that other person happy forever. Their happiness has to make you happy too.

You have to enjoy seeing them have their wants needs and desires fulfilled.

You have to be willing to do your part, admit when you are wrong, celebrate encourage and support the person you love.

You have to be willing to see that there is no “perfect” and that every one, even you (including you Syd) is flawed and has insecurities somewhere. And you have to love them any way because you want the same done for you

Yes it is a full time job, but it is amazingly rewarding.

But it is not for the weak minded or immature.

So there are black men that are not marriage material, not yet anyway, and even if you married them you wouldn’t be happy because they haven learned to do the things I listed above, and maybe you are not either.

We have to work on ourselves so that we offer someone in marriage a whole man or woman, not an adult who is still half a child.

“While I have a collection of posters here in the room, can someone please tell me what a ‘Stank Attitude” is?”

What some men on this site seem to have. They’re not very nice.

Nightline have to remember that not all successful black women want to get married. The survey is flawed. The survey is basically saying that all successful black women wants to be married and that is not the case.

If the survey had said “42% of all successful black women that want to get married has never married”, I will more take to that survey.

F.UK STEVE HARVEY,… GLOK DONT TAKE ADVICE FORM BLK WHO WORE WIGS IN THE PAST AND SUDDENLY BECOME AND EXPERT ON LOVE!

“You have to be willing to see that there is no “perfect” and that every one, even you (including you Syd) is flawed and has insecurities somewhere. And you have to love them any way because you want the same done for you”

I never said I wasn’t flawed, good doctor.

Sydney™
12/26/09, 13:20:pm

@WordtotheWise

“yet, black men still have this pie in the sky, “white women are just the pinnacle of perfection” mentality.”

On a side note, has anyone else noticed the differences in perceptions of the behavior of some women of other races? I didn’t see any of the usual name-calling with Tiger’s current situation, and, yes, I found it very conspicuous. Some of us seem to *****ign certain characteristics to individuals based on skin color — most often, those who look like us.

========================================
Good point, Sydney, and isn’t that called RACISM? Here you had Tiger ratted out by all these white women, yet black men still look at them as the great, white, hope.

Sydney, here’s my premise. They can be in a relationship with a white woman and she can dog him out and treat him like dog mess, yet he goes running back. Never a negative word about her. Yet, when a sister does something to offend them, all bets are off. We are all categorized under the same negative nonsense.

Also, as long as some black men can pick apart our fault, they cannot reflect on their own. Many of them must believe they don’t have some work to do on themselves first. Talk about having a huge chip on their shoulders.

As a single black male I find it harder to find a woman that is ready to settle down and not play the games. Some are used to a man lying to them and when a brother like myself wants to be honest and loving the way my grandparents treated one another, she is the one who cant commit.

@Glok

“SYD ..I GLAD YOU HAVE HOPE FOR THE BROTHAZ ,..THAT WE CAN CHANGE AND MAKE A BETTER AND BRIGHTER STRONGER MAN OUT OF US..”

Yes, I do. I was raised by one, have one as a brother, others in my family, plan to marry one and, possibly, be a mother to one in the future.

There are already countless numbers of black women who are educated and out earn their counterparts settling in the relationship trying to be supportive,encouraging,dumbing themselves down while trying to uplift their man and in return just being USED financially! I don’t think any woman should lower her standards when it comes to finding a mate if she has done what it takes to accomplish her own goals that she has set for herself as far as education and career goes. Then why on earth shouldn’t she look for that same GET UP & GO in her man? A lot of black men aren’t being raised by their mothers to be real men later on in life from being SPOILED ROTTEN! So don’t settle ladies just keep looking even if it means going outside your race….. customcalendars4u2

NYC Gal

…And not to mention, these women were putting on their “BEST” mask for national t.v.. I’m sure they’re not as “PERFECT” as they’d like everyone who viewed their segment to believe. In all probability, they’re “SINGLE” for a reason.

@Glok… My Weed iz my prozac!

I have never addressed you on this post because I never felt the need to. But since you made a direct comment to me–

Why don’t you shut the hell up, and learn to write a sentence in coherent English, and put down the weed long enough to join the rest of us in this experiment called real life? Your posts are almost always ridiculous and I’m sure I’m not the only one tired of reading your nonsensical rubbin in ALL CAPS.

Do me a favor, and just ignore me, like I’ve been ignoring you.

@WordtotheWise

“Good point, Sydney, and isn’t that called RACISM?”

Yes, sista, it’s called internalized racism, and there’s an abundance of it on this site every single day.

One last point. I believe black women should date also their race, because love has no color. but even at doubling the number of black women with other men it should be noted that only accounts for 4% more black women being married as opposed to 14% black men marrying other women. This is disturbingly low for women and I agree that maybe the reason for it are issues beyond education and money black women have failed to address

Ohhhhhh shooooooot this is about to get good… My wife is gonna sign on….ooooo weeee

Just so you know we don’t usually agree on these issues, but I love anyway.

@ Gimmeabreak78

In my opinion, religion gets in the way of potential couples! If only I could find someone who subscribes to Kantian Ethics and looks like Gelila Bekele……

Correction

*rubbish*

E
G
O

i should have said how many sit-ups can yo a&& do?
________________________________________

@citibank

I only bring up weight because women need to know that if they want a man to approach them then they need not to look sloppy and have a gut because that sh*t looks f*cking terrible and will NOT help them in their efforts in “attracting” the opposite sex…

You gotta be honest and straight forward with these broads so they know the deal my ni@@a…

To all the girls that wear BIG draws embrace eating salads, eating healthy foods and that treadmill is your friend in 2010…

I’ll tell you why so many successful black women are single. It’s because they think they’re all that just because they have a bit of money. It’s not about them lowering their standards JUST TREAT PEOPLE LIKE HUMAN BEINGS!!! For those complaining there aren’t any good black men, you’re right. There aren’t any for you.

I think women have to really know what is important to them. I am an attorney and my husband is a food-server at a hospital. a lot of people ask me what am I doing with him. And, I simply tell them he is a hard, honest worker, he is a great father, he is there for his children, and he is there for me and treats me good. This beats out being with someone who is a a corporate worker and may not treat me as well. (Not saying that all corporate workers are like that.)

NOTE TO THE BROTHERS!

I’ve asked this questions countless times yet no one has the guts to answer. I’ll throw it out there again.

If white women are so perfect, why do they get divorced, talked about, dogged out, and treated poorly by their own men? Do you guys live on planet earth? Have you heard the comments white males have made about their relationships gone bad.

Brothers, you keep spouting the “white women are better” premises (which makes you a racist), yet you can’t back it up. There are none so blind as those who WILL NOT see.

Any takers?

Marquis de Sade
12/26/09, 13:52:PM
NYC Gal
…And not to mention, these women were putting on their “BEST” mask for national t.v.. I’m sure they’re not as “PERFECT” as they’d like everyone who viewed their segment to believe. In all probability, they’re “SINGLE” for a reason.

===================================================
I think these women want to be single because if they wanted to get married they would. They are just using it as an excuse.

You see when people ask these women why aren’t they married, they would find excuses but I truly believe these women want to be single but are afraid if they say this that people will look at them strange.

GIMMEABREAK YOU GOT IT I WONT SAY CHIT AFTER THIS …LEAVE MY WEED OUTTA THIS … YOU GO ON AND BE THE WHITEMAN FREAK BYTCH ALL YOU ADVERTISE ON HERE..AND YOU ALWAYS SOUNDED LIKE YOU A C.O.C.K HOPPER ANYWAY…YOUR VAJAYJAY IZ IN DIRE NEED OF REPAIR!

Sydney™
12/26/09, 13:55:pm

@WordtotheWise

“Good point, Sydney, and isn’t that called RACISM?”

Yes, sista, it’s called internalized racism, and there’s an abundance of it on this site every single day.
====================================
Yep, Sydney, you are right, and the conversation goes around and around in circles because they seem to have the need to believe the lie. They are in serious denial. Have you noticed that when you brought up the issue with Tiger, no one responded to your inquiry? Did you notice that when I stated the fact that white women have just as much trouble with men and we do, not one brother on her addressed it? They can’t because their illogical argument will be broken down. As long as they can believe the nonsense they dish out, the more they don’t have to deal with themselves.

As a BM in his mid 20′s i’m at the point where women my age are starting the transition towards good BM like me. I can now see why some BM go for white women. If a good BM got his career together, i can almost guarantee you that on the come up, he couldn’t fit the mold of what BW were looking for at the time. I know i didnt. So when he ‘gets on’, THATS when he gets credit and desirability, and BW want him to put the ring on it. No wonder some good BM feel good about dating outside the race. Some of us can feel like BW only want us because we are successful.

Your past has a direct influence on your present.

JK
12/26/09, 14:00:pm

I think women have to really know what is important to them. I am an attorney and my husband is a food-server at a hospital. a lot of people ask me what am I doing with him. And, I simply tell them he is a hard, honest worker, he is a great father, he is there for his children, and he is there for me and treats me good. This beats out being with someone who is a a corporate worker and may not treat me as well. (Not saying that all corporate workers are like that.)
====================================
Amen, girl! I agree with you 100%!!!

NYC Gal

…Or maybe they’re lookin’ for TUPAC or BIGGIE with a college degree.

Oh, and BW don’t excercise as much as other races of women. Thats a fact.

@WordtotheWise

“Have you noticed that when you brought up the issue with Tiger, no one responded to your inquiry? Did you notice that when I stated the fact that white women have just as much trouble with men and we do, not one brother on her addressed it?”

Oh, I noticed. It was also brought up previously, and it wasn’t addressed then either, lol.

I think if certain scenarios do not fit the views of some in regards to behaviors that they attach to individuals based on race, then those incidents are simply overlooked or discredited.

@Sydney

Umm… didn’t you just co-sign this ridiculously racist statement:

“Any sister that would want to marry a white man, is not the kind of sister a real black man wants any way…”

“Egads, it seems we do agree on something in this thread.”

Hmm. Any black person that would be open to marrying a non-black person is not the kind of person a “real” black woman/man wants. Hmm. And you co-signed that about 2 nanoseconds before talking about internalized racism.

As Homer Simpson would say, “the ironing (irony) is delicious.” How can someone say as many intelligent things as I’ve seen you write and still hold onto such bigotry? Amazing.

Ponzi
12/26/09, 14:07:pm

Oh, and BW don’t excercise as much as other races of women. Thats a fact.
=========================================
That’s a fact? Prove it! Even if it was a fact, and???

This argument is just retarded. Sorry all sides to this look dumb as hell..

Sydney™
12/26/09, 14:09:pm

@WordtotheWise

“Have you noticed that when you brought up the issue with Tiger, no one responded to your inquiry? Did you notice that when I stated the fact that white women have just as much trouble with men and we do, not one brother on her addressed it?”

Oh, I noticed. It was also brought up previously, and it wasn’t addressed then either, lol.

I think if certain scenarios do not fit the views of some in regards to behaviors that they attach to individuals based on race, then those incidents are simply overlooked or discredited.
======================================
Very true. Typical, isn’t it?

“Ponzi
12/26/09, 14:07:pm

Oh, and BW don’t excercise as much as other races of women. Thats a fact.”

LOL! At my gym, the only sistas’ I see at the gym are the M.I.L.F. types: Mid 30′s to Mid 40′s.

I am glad i found a nice strong black man who loves his black race of women and does not put them down or place blame! He doesnt date white women and he says he have never wanted to! Where did i find a diamond like that?? I dont know but i can say i am happy , proud and overjoyed that i dont have to thru that white woman crap! I asked him one day why.. and he really got into it but i wont ~` all i can say is he sees his love going to a woman that has had his back thru thick and thin , maybe it wasnt me because i didnt meet him until his was grown but i am one of those black women that he treasures.. Thanks to his MOM!!! Sunny, Dahonest and Ms EJ,,, if you out there.. Have a happy and Blessed New years!!!

SYD !
I LOVE ALL THAT BLKNESS YOU HAVE . MUCH LOVE SISTA..MORE SISTAZ SHOULD TAKE HEED TO YOUR LOVE FOR THE BROTHAZ!..WE HAVE A BUNCH OF DAMM SELLOUT SISTAZ WHO FORGET BLK AND SEE GREEN….AND CHASE WHITE TO GET IT!

“Oh, and BW don’t excercise as much as other races of women. Thats a fact.”

Based on what? Whenever I’ve gone to the gym, I’ve seen other sisters, as does my mother (she also gets hit on by men of other races — but I guess they must think she’s just a tanned white woman from some of the comments in this thread).

@DenialRiver

“Hmm. Any black person that would be open to marrying a non-black person is not the kind of person a “real” black woman/man wants. Hmm. And you co-signed that about 2 nanoseconds before talking about internalized racism.”

Re-read what I wrote, Mr./Ms. In Denial:

“LOL, I’ve read the very same statement from black women concerning black men who view white women as somehow superior.”

I see lots of black women exercising and not all exercise comes at a gym.. thats a crazy statement.. i know women who have exercise euipment at home, I have a friend who works out constantly (yes she black) and she never set foot in a gym.. she has a million and one work-out tapoes, she says she loves the privacy of her own home.. seems lots of white women work out i dont agree but it also seems it aint doing too much because they also fill up the DRs offices with sillicone injections, so why all that if you can just work out???? My self i have a gym membership and i useit also but i like exercising outdoors when the weather lets me!!

AWWW there she goes.

Check the last name. It’s mine… I gave it to her.

A great woman with crazy ideas….(just kidding baby)

But you know what, this woman married me while I was in medical school. She believed that I would make it through. (many don’t) Thats what black men need, support and not this constant nagging and aggression that drives men away.

I know several men who are trapped in loveless marriages, but stay because of the kids.

Or men that wanted to stay but didn’t because his woman just made life miserable.

@WordtotheWise

“Very true. Typical, isn’t it?”

Yes, unfortunately, it is.

Marquis de Sade
12/26/09, 14:07:PM
NYC Gal
…Or maybe they’re lookin’ for TUPAC or BIGGIE with a college degree.
====================================================

I think the problem with these women are they do not want any kids and they feel that being married would put pressure on them to have kids. So instead of facing facts they just use “I can’t get married because of..”. When they damn well know the real reason.

@WordtoTheWise

Yeah, I’ll take it.

“Brothers, you keep spouting the “white women are better” premises (which makes you a racist), yet you can’t back it up. There are none so blind as those who WILL NOT see.”

The fact of the matter is… you’re focusing on WEAK black men. Yeah, I’ve dated (and date) women that aren’t black. If you ran into me last week you would have seen me sitting across from one at dinner.

Does that mean I think they’re better than black women? Absolutely not.

Was I with her because black women “have attitudes”? Absolutely not.

Do I think white women are “perfect.” Hell no. White women are just like women of any other color.

So why was I sitting across from her? Well, because I don’t meet very many professional black women… Of the few that I’ve met, there were a couple that I simply wasn’t attracted to but more often than not the FEW single black women I’ve met were more interested in competing with me instead of using their feminine power and smarts. It’s got nothing to do with color. It has to do with whether you understand the power that comes with your gender and know how to use it… or, whether you’d rather try to swing d*cks with a man as a way of proving some obscure point.

The real question is, why do YOU seem to believe so strongly that black men think white women are perfect? Do you secretly harbor this belief yourself? Because I don’t… and I doubt anyone other than the WEAKEST of black men do as well.

Gimmeabreak78 & WordtotheWise

“@WordtotheWise

First of all, black men are incarcerated at a very high rate. Many black men are gay, married, or otherwise not in a position to be good husbands. Why is that? It’s your mama’s fault. Many black men will not rise because you keep playing the blame game. Stop blaming everyone for your failures”

Damn, this could all be avoided if single black women who decides to have babies out of wedlock could only have baby girls and not baby boys, since it’s been proven that most of you are utter failures at raising “SAID” baby boys. Gotta’ send an e-mail to MAMA NATURE to make this happen.

@tiffanydrake

“We are negatively painting each other with broad and hurtful strokes.”

Hello

I agree, but hasn’t your husband engaged in the same activity on this site?

@DenialRiver

Dang brother, you are dropping serious knowledge today. I agree with you 100%

First:

“White women are just like women of any other color.”

Then he wrote:

“Of the few that I’ve met, there were a couple that I simply wasn’t attracted to but more often than not the FEW single black women I’ve met were more interested in competing with me instead of using their feminine power and smarts.”

Interesting, lol.

I guess my love goes stronger than fat or skinny because i aint gonna lie, i will love that person for who they are not how fat they are! i will help them if they are overweight and get then to exerciuse and go to the DR. But i surely would never base my love of black men on the fact that white men take better care of themselves, but a lot of things that blacks and whites have come from hereditary so whites have a lot of bad things in their genes too!

@Tiffany Drake-
If you could, please forward the young ladies credentials in my direction and I will trek to Atlanta for a weekend to see what’s real. =)

You raised a valid point… that was echoed by @Malcolm X and a few other people…

These kinds of topics are presented and nurtured in a way to stir up discord among black people…

To answer your question of what can we do… I think it starts with getting rid of the stereotypes and being open-minded. I don’t meet a ton of single black women yet I’m always on the lookout… I’m always hoping for the best even if I go on a date with one that wasn’t so hot… I don’t carry the “black women are ___” baggage when meeting new people.

If more black people dropped the internalized racism/sexism/misogyny/misanthropy and just met and hung out with each other as PEOPLE first and not as BLACK PEOPLE, then black communities and black relationships would flourish. Or so I like to believe.

“Sydney™
12/26/09, 14:29:pm

First:

“White women are just like women of any other color.”

Then he wrote:

“Of the few that I’ve met, there were a couple that I simply wasn’t attracted to but more often than not the FEW single black women I’ve met were more interested in competing with me instead of using their feminine power and smarts.”

Interesting, lol.”

Well I think that’s a little unfair, Syd. I feel his rationale comes from the same “ADAGE” that most of you sistas’ are so use to fallin’ back on: “I REFUSE TO SETTLE FOR LESS THAN WHAT I WANT IN A POTENTIAL MATE”.

Stedman makes less than Oprah, Nick makes less than Mariah, Gabby (white) makes less than Hallie. Nick and Gabby are also younger. Where these women lowering their standards?

@wordtothewise!!! Hi there~~ yeah i agree and statistics never get me going because first if all they dont knoiw all black folks and i never seen anyone in my neighborhood taking a count, 95% of the black women here workout, the Bally’s club is half and half when it comes to black and white women,I cant stand folks to repeat old worn out a$$ stereotypes,, oh blakc women dont exercise.. bullcrap, i work out 3 t0 4 times a week and sometimes both weekends days.. i have no kids and i keep my body is hape, and even when i marry and have kids i will still workout! i came from a family of exercise people, my father was a drill Sergent in the service and my brother is a personal trainer! I hate stereotypes but in all they seem to overlook the fat white women.. and it a lot of them around!!

Nothing better than post xmas to drop a black man vs woman post to incite the holiday cheer lol smdh

@Sydney – Whats good, happy holidays

@DenialRiver – Well said…

Black people wake up!!!

Hey! I have a concept. Learn to act like men and the leaders you are supposed to be.

Brother, I applaud you for dating outside your race. Why would I want a man who feels threatened by my strength. I’m going to be myself and not change for anyone. If you can’t deal with it, sounds personal. Find you a woman, regardless of color, who will let you control her in order to feed your small ego. You have my blessings.

The end.

You know, there are precious few black women today who have both the vision and foresight when it comes to choosing their life partner.

Today, if you asked the majority of those successful black women would they consider a brotha who had nothing but dreams. The overall majority of these sistahs will say hell to the no.

But see, one high powered black woman who defied this notion was none other than our first lady, Michelle Obama!

Nuff said!

@Marquis

“I feel his rationale comes from the same “ADAGE” that most of you sistas’ are so use to fallin’ back on: “I REFUSE TO SETTLE FOR LESS THAN WHAT I WANT IN A POTENTIAL MATE”.”

That’s not what I was attempting to illuminate. Never mind.

Carry on.

@Syd

“I agree, but hasn’t your husband engaged in the same activity on this site?”

Yes indeed and I include him in the challenge for more positive and constructive conversation.

The difficult thing about Hayden is that, I often encourage him towards my perspective, but it is often challenged by his actual work. I often explain that the reason he sees so much disparity is because he spends so much of his time in the trenches there. His medical work and his major commitment to volunteering in these communities affect him greatly because he sees the problems consistently and wants to change it immediately. I don’t think that he is wrong, but I think his approach, in conversation on this blog, is not as affective as it could be.

Concerning the lack of eligible black men I think most of those black men argue the same, that there are a lack of eligible black women.

The issue is in how they define eligible and by what standards.

Women shouldn’t be so concerned with lowering our standards, but adjusting our standards to include a man that can love us completely.

When I married “the good doctor as you call him” lol. I was already making close to what he makes now. I didn’t care about the money. I just wanted a man that would ACTIVELY LOVE ME and wanted the best for the family that he would build. (him being fine as hell didn’t hurt, either)

He isn’t perfect, neither am I. None of us are, I think we as black women just need to be a little bit more open. (open but not stupid- a thug is a thug- unacceptable)

i have a tread mill in my basement .. all hooked up and i have a exercise bike and a weight machine (not mine0 but i have access to it0 so i will be leaving this post to go work out on it for 45… im glad i came to this post this morning because i was going to put it off but i ate a lot at my friends house fo xmas so i am leaving now to go work out for an hour.. ( a little over an hour.. 45 tread mill- 20 minutes bike~!!

Hey, Txhustla! Did you have a good Christmas?

I’m getting ready to leave soon to see “Avatar.”

Black people wake up!!!

I agree with you 1000000% bruh

Mamie

LMAO!

Well I got a ring and I’m just waiting on him to pop the question…hopefully it will be by New Year’s or it’s going to be some drama…I’m 22 but I am ready to settle down…hopefully those four women are blessed with a good man…whether he’s black or white…

i’m 30 and have never been married. i’m also multi-racial. i am currently in a relationship and honestly, is in no rush to get married. i believe marriage is serious and should be taken seriously. but from the looks of things these days, especially with all the infidelity in the media, who in their right mind would even want to get married. and this isn’t a race thing because the stories have come out from mayors, to athletes, to ministers. women in general should be down right terrified of marriage because of what they risk going in. i’m not saying that all men cheat or are dead-beat dads, but sorry, the bad sure does out number the good. and i do blame some women for this. i blame the mistress, the baby-mama, the wife that looks the other way at child abuse, sexual abuse, physical abuse and mental abuse. i blame those who have not stood by family and moral values. i blame society who tells the young rapper it’s ok to sleep with multiple women because you have money and father multiple children and be nothing more than a check to them. you can’t possibly be a REAL father if you are too busy traveling all over the world trying to be a father to all your children in 6 different states, by 6 six different women. this isn’t about women not wanting to submit or hold her man down. hold what down and submit to what?? not too many men making the decision for us any easier either. like someone wrote, who wants to be at home waiting on u with open arms when in the back of her mind, she know u out there doing God knows what with God knows who. she knows at any given time, anything could come out of the dark about her so called man. marriage, people, society…nothing is not as it used to be..

HI HATTERS

KRAZZIIINNESS AT THE FINEST :0

IT’S SIMPLE PUT GOD FIRST, PRAY AND BE PATIENT.

IM AS A BLACK WOMEN NO LONGER AM CONCERNED ABOUT WHAT ANYONE WANTS.

WITH GOD THE RIGHT MAN R WOMEN WILL COME ALONG

AND THEY WONT LOOK AT UR SKIN, SIZE R INCOME.

IT’LL BE A MATCHMADE IN HEAVEN

GOD CAN OPEN DOORS NO MAN CAN CLOSE AND CLOSE DOORS NO MAN CAN OPEN.

@whogonecheckmeboo, u got a ring and u just waiting for him to pop the question???? huh?? and if u are 22, how old is ur soon-to-be but not quite because he still hasn’t asked you yet, fiance??? did i read what i think…wow! piece of advice, please wait to settle down…PLEASE!!!!!!!!

A successful black man will choose an uneducated and unsuccessfuly Becky quicker than the successful women above. WHY?

rose by any other name # 9304026339482056536 ™
12/26/09, 14:41:pm

@wordtothewise!!! Hi there~~ yeah i agree and statistics never get me going because first if all they dont knoiw all black folks and i never seen anyone in my neighborhood taking a count, 95% of the black women here workout, the Bally’s club is half and half when it comes to black and white women,I cant stand folks to repeat old worn out a$$ stereotypes,, oh blakc women dont exercise.. bullcrap, i work out 3 t0 4 times a week and sometimes both weekends days.. i have no kids and i keep my body is hape, and even when i marry and have kids i will still workout! i came from a family of exercise people, my father was a drill Sergent in the service and my brother is a personal trainer! I hate stereotypes but in all they seem to overlook the fat white women.. and it a lot of them around!!
================================
Hey Rose, I agree with you! Girl, of course sisters exercise. I’m telling you, I may not go to the gym, but I take care of myself as well. It’s just the same ole excuses they all use in order to justify their racist attitudes toward their own. Black men are the only ones with this mentality. I guess they can’t help it; what else do they know. There is something gravely wrong with this picture, isn’t there?

As far as fat white women, you should come up here. Chile, they are hanging on these white women for dear life and these women are loving every minute of it!

@Sydney

Avatar is a great film! I enjoyed it very much.

@ Andromaches

I think that married people are supposed to submit to another in marriage and women more so than men. (It’s the natural order of things). So what your saying is, “I will never submit, (not even to the sleeper hold),” hence you will not get married, unless you got double Dees and bomb head.
Yes I agree with the whole American story thing and that’s a bad/sad situation. It was good a job by the white man of executing such a brilliant plane that continues to impact a nation of people. BUT… we must move pass that way of thinking. Bottom line, a Black woman don’t have to be submissive if she doesn’t want to, cause I have more options, more Black women, Hispanic, etc., etc. You have options too but you don’t want them for some reason. They have pills that make their stuff bigger now too I think. The question you have to ask yourself is, if I had a man to pay the house note and all other bills other than your car, would you submit?

I am superior to no one. I just think a woman should let me call the plays until I mess up but I am still the head coach. I know my momma wouldn’t like to obey a man either but that’s the name of the game. Maybe that’s why she aint gotta man??? and her momma and her momma and so on!!it’s a cycle…BLACK WOMEN DON”T SUBMIT..(Normally)

@Sydney

I get what you were trying to “illuminate” about me.. but trust, there’s no dissonance in my mind about black women.

I also have black aunts, black female cousins, a black mother, a black grandmother and black female friends… all of whom I love and all of whom know how to get me to do what they need me to do without making me feel as if they’re trying to compete with me on a gender basis.

They’re not weak. They’re not mousy. They say what they feel but they know HOW to say it in a way that illustrated how comfortable they are in being WOMEN. Of the small number of black women I’ve dated, I haven’t seen the same ease… That doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. It just means I haven’t found it yet.

But I ain’t sitting at home waiting for it to happen either. In the meantime dates need to be had… =)

SUE
12/26/09, 14:56:pm

A successful black man will choose an uneducated and unsuccessfuly Becky quicker than the successful women above. WHY?
===================================
Yep, many of them sure will. They always have an excuse for their choices instead of just saying they are colorstruck and believe white is superior. I honestly thing many black men feel they are on the same level as a white man, so to speak, when they have a white woman on their shoulder. That’s why they have the need to unrealistically believe they are better.

@Sydney – in the sense there wasnt as much drama this year, haha it was pretty low key and mainly just my immediate family none of like everyone the crazy extended family or in laws..

@Tiffany Drake

“Yes indeed and I include him in the challenge for more positive and constructive conversation.

The difficult thing about Hayden is that, I often encourage him towards my perspective, but it is often challenged by his actual work.”

Thank you for your response, and I’m glad you decided to post. I appreciated your words the other day.

I understand that your husband is challenged by his word, but his words are no less damaging than those from a black woman who works in a field that brings her into contact with a number of incarcerated black men (like a friend of mine who’s a lawyer and used to work in a DA’s office) and allows her observations to color her views of brothers as a whole.

“Women shouldn’t be so concerned with lowering our standards, but adjusting our standards to include a man that can love us completely.”

I agree that women should look at the totality of a man to determine if he would be a good mate. There have been many men with impressive résumés who have made horrible husbands.

“When I married “the good doctor as you call him” lol. I was already making close to what he makes now. I didn’t care about the money. I just wanted a man that would ACTIVELY LOVE ME and wanted the best for the family that he would build. (him being fine as hell didn’t hurt, either)”

LOL, I’ll stop calling him that — I forget where I first heard that phrase.

I concur with you completely. I’ve never been impressed with how much money a man has (I’ve been focused on taking care of myself), but I do pay close attention to his values, beliefs, and other intangibles that he brings to the table.

@Syd

“I agree, but hasn’t your husband engaged in the same activity on this site?”

Yes indeed and I include him in the challenge for more positive and constructive conversation.

The difficult thing about Hayden is that, I often encourage him towards my perspective, but it is often challenged by his actual work. I often explain that the reason he sees so much disparity is because he spends so much of his time in the trenches there. His medical work and his major commitment to volunteering in these communities affect him greatly because he sees the problems consistently and wants to change it immediately. I don’t think that he is wrong, but I think his approach, in conversation on this blog, is not as effective as it could be.

Concerning the lack of eligible black men I think most of those black men argue the same, that there are a lack of eligible black women.

The issue is in how they define eligible and by what standards.

Women shouldn’t be so concerned with lowering our standards, but adjusting our standards to include a man that can love us completely.

When I married “the good doctor as you call him” lol. I was already making close to what he makes now. I didn’t care about the money. I just wanted a man that would ACTIVELY LOVE ME and wanted the best for the family that he would build. (him being fine as hell didn’t hurt, either)

He isn’t perfect, neither am I. None of us are, I think we as black women just need to be a little bit more open. (open but not stupid- a thug is a thug- unacceptable)

THE ANSWER TO WHY ALL BLK MEN IN JAIL ….BLK WOMEN! SIMPLE AND PLAIN!
ASK ANYONE OF THEM AND IT ALL RELATES TO YOU BLK SISTAZ, FOR DAMM SURE!!!

Brothers, did it ever dawn on you that the very thing you are saying about white women (being comfortable with them, your ease as talking to them and dating them) black women are saying the same about white men? We don’t all experience the same things. How can we even compare our place with white people when white supremacy is still very prevalent in our society. Of course white women are nice and sweet (according to you) because maybe you approach them differently because you believe they are superior. Black people have gone through so much, and still do. Whites and blacks are in two different worlds.

Sorry about the double post, accident.

@Glok

THE ANSWER TO WHY ALL BLK MEN IN JAIL ….BLK WOMEN! SIMPLE AND PLAIN!
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I know where you are headed and refuse to believe it. You can’t blame anyone for the choices that you make instead of yourself. No one told you, not talking to you directly Glok, to sell drugs, no one told you to commit a crime. You did it because you wanted to and you should suffer the consequences.

Thats easy because success does not just come with a college degree or a good job. Success is being well rounded in life.
Even though I date blackwoman many times the question has come in my headed to look at different races.
The reason I have thought this is because out of many years of dating blackwoman I realize that a lot of them are mentally unstable to head strong, not sure what they really want in a relationship. And are always looking over the fence to see if the life is greener on the other side.

@Tiffany Drake

I look forward to seeing it. You have to wear those multi-colored 3-D glasses, right?

@Denial River

“but trust, there’s no dissonance in my mind about black women.”

IMHO, you displayed more of it in your subsequent post, but so be it. You discussed the characteristics you’ve observed among black women in your family and your circle of friends and presented a totally different view of the sisters you’ve met in general.

It’s just more of the same sentiments that are expressed here daily — just written in a different format and tone.

TTYL, all

@NINA K

How does it feel to be married to a black man that has a very low opinion of black women?

Girl Please…..
Hayden’s opinion on one particular issue does not affect my very happy marriage.

We disagree on a number of things. So? I chose this man because he is everything I prayed for….

He is loving, kind, Christian, loves me as much as any man could love a woman, loves his children and is a caring father. By his provision I have the family and lifestyle that I dreamed about as a little girl.

So surely you understand why a disagreement of one idea is hardly reason to question my marriage.

Surely you get that.

Duuh, because black women arent as pretty as white/hispanic/basically everyother type of women. Truth hurts, sorry.

deesac
12/26/09, 15:08:pm

Thats easy because success does not just come with a college degree or a good job. Success is being well rounded in life.
Even though I date blackwoman many times the question has come in my headed to look at different races.
The reason I have thought this is because out of many years of dating blackwoman I realize that a lot of them are mentally unstable to head strong, not sure what they really want in a relationship. And are always looking over the fence to see if the life is greener on the other side.
====================================
Maybe you should look at yourself first because why are you attracting these kinds of women? There are a lot of mentally unstable women and men regardless of color. Why are you black men so dead set on realizing that? Look at yourself first.

I really believe many black men need psychological help. You guys have so much baggage you want to dump on black females. The problem is YOU!

People are funny…

They’ll take credit for their personal success but are quick to blame OTHERS for their personal failures… SMMFH

Some people NEVER wanna do some self-reflection and be honest with themselves in order to figure out what they are doing wrong with respects to whatever they’re not achieving success in…

An Ad Hominem refers to a general category of fallacies, which fallacy in particular were you referring to ?

This thread and the continued sweeping generalizations as usual is pure comedy, until the game starts.

@Syd – Enjoy Avatar, recommend the 3D experience…

Tiffany Drake
12/26/09, 15:11:pm

@NINA K

How does it feel to be married to a black man that has a very low opinion of black women?

Girl Please…..
Hayden’s opinion on one particular issue does not affect my very happy marriage.

We disagree on a number of things. So? I chose this man because he is everything I prayed for….

He is loving, kind, Christian, loves me as much as any man could love a woman, loves his children and is a caring father. By his provision I have the family and lifestyle that I dreamed about as a little girl.

So surely you understand why a disagreement of one idea is hardly reason to question my marriage.

Surely you get that.
====================================
Awwww! How precious.

@Tiffany Drake

I never questioned your marriage. I questioned his outlook about black women, and being that you are a black woman, I questioned how you feel to know that he quite frankly thinks many good black women are uncommon.

Alot of people have a different opinion about things. But to keep generalizing women that look like you and claim to love black women and be married to one is absurd.

Society tells (women)us that we are to be married and have kids. Not every woman wants to get married and yes women who are now a certain age were raised to not date outside their race. I know women in their mid 40′s mid 50′s who are highly educated and never married nor had kids. Most I know in this age group came from two parent homes with more than 8 (siblings), they helped to be the parent and don’t find a need to have thier own husband and kids. These women know that they had to share their life at a young age helping to raise their siblings and made a choice or came to the realization that they want to be selfish and not go through the challenges of marrying or bringing kids into this world. Also not every married couple wants kids.

Today’s young females are going to have to decide earlier to have a Family or to pursue a Career.

It is sad but true that males have the option to start families later than women do. Therefore, young women should focus more of their attention on smart brothers with potential versus the bad boys or thugs.

@WordtotheWise

I know what ad hominem is, but it is evident that you do not. Just because I want a wife that can be successful yet submissive you attacked my ego, you are very contradictive.

Secondly I do acknowledge black women have been the leaders of the community, I never denied that. However in a relationship black women need to stop trying to be so dominate. I know this is a stereotype but stereotypes also have some truth to them, if everyone is saying the exact same thing about black women, you could come to the conclusive statement and say ” wow some of what they are saying must have some truth to it if the same argument is being made”.

Growing up in school I’ve had nothing but negative experiences with black women. Calling me a f_ggit, bytch, pu__y, and a loser for exceling in my academics, they mocked me for not dressing to their liking. Just because I didn’t wear my pants below my azz and spoke in ebonics they called me a f@gg1t. Black women obviously do need to do some changing of their own despite what you say.

I have lived plenty in my 20yrs and these are just some of my experiences. Black women need to stop chasing the thugs and give decent men a chance, and they need to stop being so combative with their partners, have a opinion but stop going to war with you partner, that isn’t attractive.

When is the Why are so many Black Men incarcerated post coming up?

Betcha it never will

@Tiffany Drake

I do apologize for my first question to you. I did want to ask you but my approach was wrong. I just get tired of seeing black men always generalize us on here. We are not all the same, just like all black men are not the same.

Anna
12/26/09, 15:23:pm

Society tells (women)us that we are to be married and have kids. Not every woman wants to get married and yes women who are now a certain age were raised to not date outside their race. I know women in their mid 40’s mid 50’s who are highly educated and never married nor had kids. Most I know in this age group came from two parent homes with more than 8 (siblings), they helped to be the parent and don’t find a need to have thier own husband and kids. These women know that they had to share their life at a young age helping to raise their siblings and made a choice or came to the realization that they want to be selfish and not go through the challenges of marrying or bringing kids into this world. Also not every married couple wants kids.
=================================
Anna, you’ve made some wonderful points. There is nothing wrong with being single. We have been brainwashed in believing that a man validates us and we have to have that ring and children to make us more of a “woman.” Marriage and children are beautiful if that’s what people want.

We almost talk about singleness as though it’s a curse. I’m sure there are some married people who still wish they were single!

What annoyed me about the ABC story was that it implied that everything about the marriage prospects for white women was just grand.Yes whites are more likely to marry.They’re also more likely to divorce…IN LARGE NUMBERS.I don’t know the exact stats-but we live in a society where the never-married & divorced significantly OUTNUMBER the married.Yes…married people are an across-the-board MINORITY.We-(people of the Western world of all races & genders)-are living longer.We have more options to live the kind of life we desire.Someone will have to explain to me:What advantage is there to me as a man to be married?

Women with standards rarely get married. There are just too many women in the world that will put up with anything so men marry them. It is less work.

Because they have woken up, smelt the coffee and comprehended that weak black men are black women’s biggest problem and jail statistics, diesease figures and black single women bare evident to that.

However, they still lay in wait for a decent black man to come along without selling out their soul and their race, nevertheless, time is of the essence and Hally Berry will testify to that.

@NINA K

Just read the apology and I retract my tone. I appreciate you sister and your concern for our people.

Love is the Answer

just like MJ said.

NINA K.
ITS ALL GOOD WE MAKE THE BIGGER MISTAKES CUZ WE DONT PROTECT YOU AS WE SHOULD, AND LOVE YOU LIKE WE BLK MAN SHOULD BUT YALL MUST CONVERSE WITH US, STOP MAKING US HAVE TO GO BEYOND OUR MEANS TO PLEASE ON SOME OF THESE IMPOSSIBLE REQUEST!

Why can’t black women just act like our “loyal” black men and marry white? Black men have abandoned us a long time ago. I am okay with that now because I have decided to live my life on my own terms and not a allow a black man to make me feel less than over white women like so man “brothas” try to do. I have always been open to interracial dating, but I never gave up on black men, and would never reject a brotha just because he was black.

White men are incredible partners when you find a good match and they know how to make a woman feel appreciated. Black women need to get over feeling “uncomfortable” with possibly dating a white guy and just take a chance and see.

Just think of all the travel, the romantic dinners, not having to go visit your man in prison, not having to deal with 7 or 8 baby momma’s, not having to pay his half of bills because he can’t support his self. Are black men really worth all this trouble? I don’t think so. If they don’t want us , be grateful, and stop making a fool out of yourself waiting for your black prince to suddenly appear..There are very few black men out there that looks good on paper ( paper meaning, credit,education, earning potential) no matter how how good they may look in the flesh. White men are just much better providers and do more for their families and especially for their children. It hurts to hear it , but we all know it’s true. Stop dreaming about something that will most likely on have a 10% chance of happening.

GOOD I AM GLAD I HAVE GOT THAT OFF MY CHEST, BLACK MEN THINK THEY ARE SPECIAL AND THEY SIMPLY ARE NOT! THEY ARE HORRIBLE!

Black men are like the jail statistics LOUSY, wake up sisters. To be honest for a sister to become sucessful she would have had to acknowledge that fact years before she got on the road to sucess.

I think that if people were as honest with themselves as they are with other people on the web, there would be no need for such conversations.

JESUS CHRIST IS KING.

Society is always quick to reveal black statistics. African Americans are depicted in a negative aspect.. What about European American statistics??? I am so tired of hearing about African Americans count for the highest in everything negative.. The African American Race is a symbol of Beauty, and Undying Strength.. There are plenty of Black women who have successful careers, married with big homes and a husband. Where are the statistics for that?????

Black men cannot stand their children and cannot stand a successful black woman, where is the surprise, it is because they are LOUSY!

What other race needs messages from stars about looking after their children and how to be a man? ONLY BLACK MEN and they still cannot do it.

@Slide

No woman has trouble finding or keeping a man. Most women have trouble wanting to keep the man they find. That is the truth.

Merry Christmas all!!

The main issue is that “SOME” black women feel as though they have a set list of attributes that men must adhere to..If they don’t meet said criteria, they are automatically discarded!! It’s just that simple..You heard it yourselves…The one sista would only date a guy who was 6’6 or taller…Then there was the one who wanted a guy who made either what she did or more…Look, it really doesn’t matter what someone makes, or their physical attributes…What matters is their heart, the way they conduct themselves, and the overall content of their ways as a person!!! What “matters” is: Does this person unequivocably love me, and do I in return care for them?? That is what matters!!!…A lot of women also allow their friends/family to influence their decisions concerning potential mates, and Lo and behold, they subsequently don’t have someone!! How can you take advice from someone without a mate to influence your decision on a potential mate?? That concept is foreign to me!! If I choose to be with someone, I base it on my own need/want/willingness to be with them…As for what other people like or don’t like about it, I could care less!!! I have to lie next to that person every night, not them!!! Steve Harvey is probably one of the worst people on the planet to give advice on relationships due to the fact that he has been divorced previously!!! He can give other people advice and point out what “not” to do in a relationship, yet couldn’t make his own marriages work?? What a crock!!! To answer a previous question that was posed, NO, these females set the bar too high when trying to select a mate…They are articulate, yet they try to impose their wills upon potential suitors..They have mastered the concept of succeeding in the coorporate world, yet fail miserably when it comes to submitting or compromising their own flawed beliefs when it comes to men…Especially men of color!! It’s no wonder that they are single, because in all honesty, I wouldn’t date/pursue any of them either!! And that is coming from a single, decent looking Engineer with no children, and has never been previously married….In short, why would I or any man want to be with a woman only to be belittled, dominated and made to feel less than adequate?? No, the question begs to be asked as to why can’t they learn to become a companion?? Why can’t they learn to compromise?? Why can’t they learn to love unconditionally??? All I heard was a constant barrage of reasons as to what they wouldn’t settle for, so at the same time, why should any man worth his salt “settle” for them, and their unrealistic demands?? And it’s hillarious that there were 4 of them celebrating a birthday together, because if they were truly “worthy” of being someone’s mate, as they claim, they would be with their men instead of throwing a pity party for each other….

Sincerely,

Daywalker

Tracey

Black men cannot stand their children and cannot stand a successful black woman, where is the surprise, it is because they are LOUSY!

What other race needs messages from stars about looking after their children and how to be a man? ONLY BLACK MEN and they still cannot do it.

—————————————-
Wooooow, you going hard right now.

NO ONE should have to lower any standard to be with ANYONE. regardless of race.

The only problem I have is they make this problem exclusive with Black women, when that couldnt be farther from the truth. ALL WOMEN go thru the same problem. The situation is SEXIST not a race issue.

There are plenty of INSECURE successful men that do not want the challenge of dating an equal. They want a dumb trophy wife that doesnt have a brain to combat with. The MEN are the problem. A strong woman wants a strong man…. but a strong man wants a weak woman. and there lies the problem.

@WordtotheWise

Well at least we are coming to a point where we can agree on something. Black men do need to change as well, they need to stop having chips on their shoulders and learn to take responsibility for raising their families instead of becoming dead beat fathers.

I have stated my views on black men on other threads before, and I have attacked them for their behavior. I’m not bias by any means, frustrated maybe, because it seems like Black women are a bit tedious to decode. One minute they want me to dress and act a certain way, the next minute they want me to act more mature…wtf am I suppose to do lol?

And by submissive I mean stop going into war. I love a woman who has a mind and a opinion of her own but I don’t want to have a relationship on a battlefield where the woman is always trying to compete with me.

And Please forgive me for the stereotypes but I can only speak on my experiences. From kindergarden all the way up to senior yr of high school. I can only remember one black female actually being nice to me………ONLY ONE. Quite sad isn’t it? most of them always had something negative to say even when I was minding my own business. Now that I am in college my experiences with black women have gotten better but i still deal with the sisters who only want a “thug”. It is what ever though, I will find a black woman that is right for me when the time is right. I’m only 20 so I’m not in any hurry.

The problem is, most black men are commitment phobes. They do not mind “booty call”, friends with benefit but whenever things start getting serious, they chicken out.

And white men are usually intimidated by black women so they always hesitate to go one step further even if things are getting heated up.
Us decen black women are raised to be proud(positively)-i.e-let the men do the chasing. That explains why that beautiful woman found it shocking that her friend instigated that she should have asked for the white guys’s number when he didn’t.

Solution: Black men should re-think their priorities and be present in their households for their kids. Their sons, on seeing this will try emulating their dads and so cultivate a culture of stable relationships among black people.

PS- White men, holler!!lol..the worse we could do is turn you down!

I just read what I typed… Damm I’m good. I should be a freaking talk show host. Problem solved and summed up in a few sentences. lmao

*Psychology*

The sooner black women realize black are lousy THE BETTER, and I welcome the debate.

There are also a large number of single white, hispanic, asian and other women. Anyone selling the solution as dating outside the race is selling snake oil.

If you feel there is no one worthy of yourself, stay single. If you’re trying to sell an item on ebay and no one offers the right price, you keep it and keep it moving.

Tracey

The sooner black women realize black are lousy THE BETTER, and I welcome the debate.
——————————————–

I think that is an easy statement to make when that is all you know. Obviously, every man in your family has let you down. Sorry, you have such lousy men in your family.

WTF HAPPENED THERE?

@ CandyCane

LMAO

@MIZ HOTNESS : I DONT SEE BLACK MEN LOWERING THEIR STANDARDS FOR US
_______________________________________________________________________

LAST TIME I CHECKED MOST BLACK MEN DONT HAVE ANY STANDARDS

Because I am being honest with black men, I am meant to be single? Okay I am coming off as an angry black woman, but I am in a relationship of 10 years.

NICOLE MIGHT HAVE ACCOMPLISHED WHAT SHE DID BUT MAYBE SHES BORING.( NO PERSONALITY-?

nywoman23
12/26/09, 16:10:pm

@MIZ HOTNESS : I DONT SEE BLACK MEN LOWERING THEIR STANDARDS FOR US
_______________________________________________________________________

LAST TIME I CHECKED MOST BLACK MEN DONT HAVE ANY STANDARDS
_______________________________________________

Sadly, I’d have to agree!! Thereby explaining te fact that you have kids……SMH….:?

THE FACT* (TYPO)

This site is full of self-hate.

As a a very successful black female ….you should never have to settle for anything less than what you would expect from yourself, problem is 75% of Black men especially in the midwest are confused, insecure and broke.

The one sista would only date a guy who was 6′6 or taller…
_______________________________________

@Daywalker

Cousin, can you imagine what OTHER stupid a$$ things were on her list… SMMFH

Instead of focusing on a man’s character and scruples she’s talking about physical attributes that most men don’t have (*how many of us have a rack of male friends that are 6’5) and aren’t really important with all things considered anyways and she wonders why she’s single…

AND maybe while she thought they had a great conversation with the white dude PERHAPS he didn’t think so… Yeah, that NEVER crossed her mind… SMH

Women think too much of themselves sometimes especially the very attractive ones who haven’t been told about themselves growing up, so much so that they think that their sh*t don’t stink… LOL

In conclusion, we black people are confronted with enemies on every front. We fight the white racists, and then we fight the racists who look just like us. We can’t cut a break. We do the best we can with what we have in a nation that really hates and despises us. We are a product of that hate, thus, we fight amongst ourselves. I, for one, have never said white men were better. If I have, I was wrong. I’ve said all along that whites have the same issues if not more, but they never attribute their issues to the color of their partner’s skin. They see each other individually. We, on the other hand, do not. We have been trained well to think we are inferior and we actually do hate ourselves. Sad, but true. I don’t think we will change anytime soon. We haven’t in 400 years, and I don’t think we will start now.

I’m out. Peace to everyone.

@…

self hate is an understatement with these fools. If every black person thought like these morons we would be extint in the next 10yrs. Makes you wonder how we been here from the beginning of time. Probably because they wasnt sipping the kool-aid back then.

How do a group of people go from ruling the world….. to being the bottom barrel of it. smh in hilarity.

And what’s funny is how some blacks think “they’ve made it” by the size of the back accounts. … a piece of shyt is the same no matter how much “legal tender” you have… which doesnt have true value anyway. Damn what you dummies gonna do when they introduce that Amero money.

ooh let me not even go there… They really dont know shyt about that.

rofl

I just LOVE these sweeping statements about black women and their attitudes.

I love it because I know many black women who would shut your ignorance down in a heartbeat.

There are a million and one observations that I have made about black men, their attitudes/arrogance, the types of women they are attracted to, the stupid decisions they make, and so forth, and yet I would never say ALL black men are a certain way.

Do any of you males ever give a black woman credit? For anything good? At all? And I mean, a black woman you ARE NOT already married to or one who isn’t your mama? And no, I’m not talking about a black woman’s shape or sexual abilities either.

As a black woman who has so much going for herself (and for all of the black women who I know are wonderful, loving females), I find it shameful that black males are so condescending and out of order for the way the stereotype us all. You guys should be ashamed of yourselves, especially since it was a black woman who gave birth you.

Remember that when you males co-sign each others statements, you’re agreeing that your mothers, sisters, daughters, aunts, cousins are included in those generalizations. And unless those statements are true about your family members, that would mean you are happily tarnishing their reputation as well.

@wordtothewise

All of that you said would sound so good if you werent fuccing a white man ya damm self!!

VALIDATION DENIED

@Denyse

Keep doing your thang. At least you are trying to get what you want. Nothing beats a failure but a try. Im proud of you!!!

@
Tracey

12/26/09, 16:21:pm

I also like to add, for years black women have always been treated like we are never good enough, and we are the problem and any time a black man has got into any decent career they have always opted for a WHITE woman or some latino and made us feel unwanted.
_______________________________________________
You have some major issues. You want to know why those brothers who got really good jobs went and got white girls? because when they were doing what they needed to do to get to that level,Black Women where not interested in them,instead they wanted that Flashy Thug or that Pretty boy Baller that every other chick on the block wanted. Why that brother was riding the bus and working his menial job and home studying instead of out partying,you thought he was corny,but the second he made it,you then deemed him worthy of your attention. THT is why those brothers won’t give you the time of day. Appreciate the journey as well as the destination and maybe things will change for you.

@Tracey…

Why do you think your husband married you and continues to be married to you?

Chemist* (typo)

Some times you have to lower your standards a little bit to be happy. Alot of black women are too damn picky. I was a single black women no kids in my 30′s. I like the bad boys who doesn’t The truth is the bad boys DON’T COMMIT!
I am currently engaged to a black man that I have known for 6 yrs but never gave a chance because he didn’t fit that THUG image. I just got tired of the same ol thing. He treats me like a queen and I truly LOVE HIM. When women are in their 20′s they want a thug or pretty boy its al about looks and material things. I would say yes I have settled I have settled for a GOOD MAN. Ladies sometimes God put people in your life for a reason. There are good men out there but sometimes we are too blind to see it. Before you know it we wake up and are too old and all the men our age want younger women. In the end its not about biological clocks or desperation at all. Its about being happy and giving someone a chance that you never thought about before what do you have to lose??

NICOLE MIGHT HAVE ACCOMPLISHED WHAT SHE DID BUT MAYBE SHES BORING.( NO PERSONALITY-?
______________________________________

@nywoman23

That’s what I’m saying!!!

These broads and other “successful women” think that they’re soo wonderful JUST BECAUSE they’ve earned a college degree or two and made a little bit of money or whatever…

These broads could be boring, not fun to hang out with, no personality, stuck up, can’t hold a conversation about anything interesting, can’t f*ck, don’t give head, etc…

Maybe that’s the reason why they can’t get or keep a man – I bet they’ve NEVER considered MAYBE it’s THEM and the way that they are and there are things that they NEED to address with with themselves and how they act is the root cause of their relationship problems…

With some people it’s always others and NOT themselves… SMMFH

@ Malik B

LMFAOoooo

…
12/26/09, 15:36:pm
Women with standards rarely get married. There are just too many women in the world that will put up with anything so men marry them. It is less work.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Correct me if I am wrong with your comment. I have standards and married for love, a best friend and someone to share my life with. I married a man with no kids, ex wives and two married parents who are his best friends. I married a black man 12+ yrs. ago and he encouraged me to pursue my career, which I did. I can agree with another comment in the room that some black women put thugs and drug dealers on a “Pedestal” and dont give the average black male working “a honest, legal job a chance. I am 42 but have found that kids today are being raised in “single parent households”, with moms being both mom and dad, or mom does not want to be lonely and gets and wants any man in the home to say “she has a man”. Sometimes ppl marry just to shut the other one up. To the 22 yr. old who said “he put a ring on it but he has not proposed yet”. Congrats. , but take your time. Marriage is not for everyone, but the “fantasy of marriage” is a false hope. You(anyone) really do not know what you are getting into. What I wanted at 22 is not even close to what I wanted at 25 or even 30.

Dr. Hayden Drake

12/26/09, 16:36:pm

@Tracey…

Why do you think your husband married you and continues to be married to you?
_____________________________________________

Because I was a challenge, I am a strong behind black woman he tried to breakdown, but couldn’t and he appreicated that fact and now we have grown together as one and have become a happy medium, it was not like this at the beggining. By the way, he is a professional black man with a degree in petroluem engineering.

My husband has pride, knows his roots, has family values and on the whole I got lucky….correction we both got lucky :0)

GAPEACH

LOL! Be careful, darlin’. There’s a large vocal faction of SISTA ELITES’ up in here, who refuse to believe there are “BLACK” women who date or used to date “THUGS” (willingly).

“A single mother can NEVER raise a son to be a man”
______________________________________
How the fucc can you say that?? There are some women who cant raise a man and there some that can. BUT the bigger picture is some PARENTS cant raise CHILDREN…. PERIOD. There are some VERY established, respectable brothas that did NOT have a dad growing up. .. They just had twice the mom. Now if you have no daddy and yo mama aint shyt… well what do you expect.

and what about the men who raise their kids alone… oh wait let me guess…. You didnt know that some men are single parents too.

Some things are not gender specific… people are people. good and bad… and alot of times it has NOTHING to do with whats between your legs.

GAPEACH
12/26/09, 16:40:pm

Some times you have to lower your standards a little bit to be happy. Alot of black women are too damn picky. I was a single black women no kids in my 30’s. I like the bad boys who doesn’t The truth is the bad boys DON’T COMMIT!
I am currently engaged to a black man that I have known for 6 yrs but never gave a chance because he didn’t fit that THUG image. I just got tired of the same ol thing. He treats me like a queen and I truly LOVE HIM. When women are in their 20’s they want a thug or pretty boy its al about looks and material things. I would say yes I have settled I have settled for a GOOD MAN. Ladies sometimes God put people in your life for a reason. There are good men out there but sometimes we are too blind to see it. Before you know it we wake up and are too old and all the men our age want younger women. In the end its not about biological clocks or desperation at all. Its about being happy and giving someone a chance that you never thought about before what do you have to lose??
_______________________________________________

Preach, sista!!! PREACH!!!

GLOK!! Im back , dont leave because of ignorant folks.. thats how that retard @choco did me.. that troll commented to me first and then ahd the nerve to say she was ignoring me.. wtf kind of blue crap is that!1 Anyway i just got thru working out aand showering and i did 45 min on the tread mill and 20 mins on the exercise bike.,i feel good but i get put in the stats of black women dont work -out.. in sick of this crap . i work out all the time thats why i can brag on my fiqure but most of it is genectics..guess where im off to next..we have a frozen yogurt shop here called ‘Kokomos” and they sell frozen yogurt in all flavors and they have tons of goodies to top it with like i get , strawberries , kiwi, mango, blueberries and coconut flakes on mine and pineapple so im all good.. they can say what they wnat and my black man loves it.. he doesnt stereotype!! Thank God!!

Malik, man, I am not happy with your answer, it is so whateverish, something needs to change.

I would rather be a single black woman with a son because most of the time they have some black males in the family to help make him a man. I know i owuld rather be in a black family then a white family.. molesting their little kids.. single or not!!!Obama’s mom didnt do too bad raising a son by herelf.. with the help of her parents. but how can anybody say .. you cant be a single woman and raise a son, as long as you dont baby him and stuff teddy bears in his face like white folks do… a woman can make a man out of him ask Fiddy (50 cents)!!

Maybe the point of this abc piece is to discourage black woman from getting an education, cause God forbid you become too successful for marriage. Please don’t believe the hype.
There are just us many single uneducated black women out there, but the headline is “single successul black women”. Please think about messages that the media constantly throws in our faces.
Why is abc so concerned with the plight of black womenmarital statusof black women hmmIf

*successful

BLACK WOMEN NEED TO STOP BEING TOO DAMN PICKY. A MAN’S HEIGHT,CARS,MONEY DONT DEFINE WHO HE IS! BLACK WOMEN HAVE LOST SIGHT OF WHAT A GOOD MAN REALLY IS.

Also, theres nothing wrong with admitting you use to like the thug/bad boy types and grew up to realize whats most important.. .. I mean duh, shouldnt we all be progressing into someting better. Again, not a black issue, just apart of growing up.

Same thing for men, how man use to like nothing but a big butt and a smile UNTIL after baby mamas and lost wages figured out… that is NOT the business.

Now if you a 40 yr old groupie trying to get on tour buses or a grown azz man still catching STD’s and fuccing “ho’s”… you need to check yo self. look in the mirror and realize where the REAL problem lies.

Sorry about the last sentenced.
I meant to say why is abc pretending to be so concerned with the plight of black women, yet on a daily basis the media portrays only the negative stereotypes of black people.

Seriously, I would much rather be single and educated instead of single, uneducated and begging for handouts.

I believe in marriage and I agree no woman can teach a boy how to be a man. There are certain things that boys can only learn by observing men.

All of that you said would sound so good if you werent fuccing a white man ya damm self!!
VALIDATION DENIED
________________________________________

@Candy Cane

OH SH*T!!!

LMAO, I’m sorry but that was funny!!!

And then you ended it in all caps = VALIDATION DENIED

SMH @ You…

Tracey

LOL! Your “TRUTH” is skewed. Trust!

Heyyy, ROSE!!

No no no gapeach, we need to be more PICKY, and leave those 24/7 thugs in the gutter where they belong!

Marquis de Sade

12/26/09, 17:01:pm

Tracey

LOL! Your “TRUTH” is skewed. Trust!

_______________________________________________

Only because you are a black man who HATES the truth!

We are all on the web, go do a google search on the blacks man statistics in chid raring, jail rate, and relationship figures, it is all out there.

i have seen you on this site Marquis, you are happy dissing black women and bigging up white girls, but you cannot handle a little home truth?

DO YOU EVEN DATE BLACK WOMEN?

@ Marquis de Sade

They have but won’t admit it. Thats all

Candy Cane

LOL! Don’t you just love WordtotheWise? She’s always coming up in here talkin’ black, but sleepin’ white, and still feel she has the “MORAL” authority to criticize black men for doin’ the same thing. Talk about a serious disconnect from reality!?!

I’ll telyou that a lot of brothers want an exotic type. That is true. Dudes think about how they kids will look just like females. I know brothers who will only date light or white because of this. We really have been whited out man

GAPEACH
12/26/09, 17:04:pm

@ Marquis de Sade

They have but won’t admit it. Thats all
______________________________________________

Couldn’t agree more, ma!!!

@slide

lol… I agree with you UNTIL you gave men a pass (which I agreed with) about that being a young boy mentality.

Will that be safe to say that when a women wants a “bad boy” that’s just a woman with a young girl mentality speaking.

come on brotha, can we give the sistas that same young person pass?!! lol

oh and I’ve been told my frame is very nice and I tend to wear clothes that cover it up because I’m more then that. So I meet a brotha and he likes ME for ME (mentally)…. after we get to that point and I bust it all out… BAM… INSTANT CHERRY ON TOP!! surprise…. surprise!! lmao… seriously though.

I would encourage women to look for good men regardless of what race he is.

The ladies in the abc piece admitted their preference for black men, so why should a man of a different race approach them. Men are smart and can sense what we want.

Men of different races do find black women attractive, but they are also aware of the black woman’s loyalty to black men.

If lowering your standards means not making money and height a priority then I a agree, but if it means putting up with cheating, laziness and pretending to be dumb just so that the man doesn’t feel less, then HELL NO.

@slide

the blanked out parts were P A S S

dumb, un-necessary, azz filters.

Tracey

Darlin’ I’ve owned up to my “TROLLIN’” and “MISOGYNY” on numerous occasions (includin’ on this very thread), but at least my B.S. is obvious. Yours is clueless.

TOP TENIZ 4 LOSERS!
LOOK I DONT KNOW THE LOSERS AND CHILD LIKE BROKE CATZ YOU DEALT WITH BUT ,… I PAY FOR EVERYTHING MY WOMAN DESIRE AND QUALITY TIME PLZ,… SHE’LL GET PLENTY OF THAT AND WE’LL SMOKE BLUNTS AND PLAY PS3 TOGETHER ,..CANT GET NO BETTER THAN THAT DEAR!

“and I was looking for that Ninja in the daytime with a flashlight!!”

and this is interesting now more than the game or programming xserves .. wtf does this mean smdh lol

@ Tracey

I agree with you we do need to leave the wanna be thugs alone. Truth is we need to know what we really want. When we say we want a good man we end up with the opposite we lost site of what we really want.

@marquis

…. you know I’m saying?! lol

I agree with her, BUT cant get into what she’s saying… well, because SHE’S the one saying it.

wordtothewise (ironice screen name) should practice what she preach. … hmmmm, actually she would make an EXCELLENT preacher… or deacon atleast.

A single mother can NEVER raise a son to be a man. They make them momma boys who are sensitive to a woman’s needs but devoid of the character of being a man.
________________________________________

@The_Truth

I wholeheartedly agree with your comment, because it is “the truth”!!!

Good post!!!

Marquis de sade, you are part of the black woman’s problem. You hate on black women, put us down, as you big up the white piece of PORK and cannot handle or accept the truth when someone challenges the negative actions of a a black man.

The difference between your and mine B.S is that mine is proactive, while yours is just damaging!

These women decided earlier in life to put their careers before a relationship, which is not a bad thing, but now they have to compete with younger and prettier women. Women of other races don’t pick one over the other( relationships over careers), they usually do both!

… and where the fucc they get this 42% from? I have not been interviewed or any census bureau has knocked on my door.

lol.. just saying.

media always manipulates numbers to further push an agenda. numbers equal truth, so why not maniuplate that first. makes wicked sense.

Pray ni%%a, Pray!

12/26/09, 17:16:pm

These women decided earlier in life to put their careers before a relationship, which is not a bad thing, but now they have to compete with younger and prettier women. Women of other races don’t pick one over the other( relationships over careers), they usually do both!
_______________________________________________

It is a no win sitution, have a career and never find a decent black man, or date a black man early and get left with a kid.

You know the career can always be your baby, the more aspirational black women get, the more it would force black men to FIX up!

A successful black women should never fret about younger models who still need to go through a lot in life. And one bad turning could mean an automatic face on car crash of a life, with nothing to show.

@Daywalker, I have read some of your posts in here before, you are one of the few decent black men out there, and we sisters need to big you up!

Tracey

Yeah, but darlin’, your “CRITIQUES” are based on bitter black female emotions without the benefie of intellect, due in most part from your past dalliances with thugs.

Your rants are nothing more projection, based on you (sub-consciously) being ashamed and embarr.a.s.s.e.d. by p.a.s.t. (and I think) current primordial need for thug d.i.c.k., and hating yourself for it, thus projecting “SAID” hate unto black men.

Protect your mind ONLY THE ONES THAT HAVE BEEN TO JAIL!

Candy Cane
12/26/09, 16:32:pm

@wordtothewise

All of that you said would sound so good if you werent fuccing a white man ya damm self!!

VALIDATION DENIED
=============================================
Wow! To think I really thought you had your mind together. Thank God I don’t need your and anyone else’s validation. What I speak is the truth regardless of who I date. Too bad the narrow minded population can’t figure that out. However, thank you for the feedback
******************************************
Candy Cane

LOL! Don’t you just love WordtotheWise? She’s always coming up in here talkin’ black, but sleepin’ white, and still feel she has the “MORAL” authority to criticize black men for doin’ the same thing. Talk about a serious disconnect from reality!?!
=========================================
Sho, will baby. Will continue to as well. My comments stand as they always do. I don’t care who likes or doesn’t like them. Call me whatever you want. Ain’t hurting my feelings one bit.

No, the difference between what many black men do and what I do has been explained countless times. If you are too demented to understand that, that’s on you.

he likes ME for ME (mentally)…. after we get to that point and I bust it all out… BAM… INSTANT CHERRY ON TOP!! surprise…. surprise!! lmao… seriously though.
_________________________________________

@Candy Cane

Sis, you cracking me up over here

Yes, very smart and wise of you = make sure the man likes you for YOU first!!!

Well, both are wrong… And as someone so eloquently stated earlier this week:

Black Men need to do better and Black Women need to choose better.

LOL @ PROTECT UR MIND !!

WordtotheWise

I really believe many black men need psychological help. You guys have so much baggage you want to dump on black females. The problem is YOU!

This exactly what I’m talking about the way you sound. A lot of blackwoman will try to devert there problems on someone else. In all you post you swing one way then another, very confusing.

Alot of blackwoman like yourselfs will never ever face there problems because they are to head strong. The first thing they will do is bite back at the person thats saying something of truth.

Reading your post sends a million msg, You been in a lot of failed relationship and you have a very low self esteem plus your lonely. I hope you find the psychological help that you desperately need.

I used to joke with my husband and say ‘damn, I had to go outta my race to find a good man?!’ But really it wasn’t like that. He’s the first guy outta my race that I have dated and it just so happened that we fell in love and got married! He treats me better than ANY black man that I have ever dated. He stepped up to the plate when My kids’ father backed out(and still hasn’t stepped up)…Anyway I just feel things nowadays have changed. SOME black men know that they can find another woman that will stay around for bullsh*t and have lower standards so when they see Black women more educated and want more, they act lik b*tches and run off cause they know they don’t have the resources to take care of a woman like that…I don’t know. That’s what I think…

Deesac, if the white man could get the f u c k out of some of our issues, the better we would be for it. The problem we have out there is easily solved ONLY if we admit to it and start mending it ourselves.

wordtothewise

I like what you have to say usually, but you have to understand how hard it is to take what you say to heart because you fucc white men.

what I’m saying is you can talk mad shyt all day long, but at the end of it… your not laying with a brotha. Sorry sis, but real is real. I agree what you said but ther’s no merit to it. But please keep spiting sista.. it’ll sound real good to the one’s who dont know your status. It still needs to be heard.

Wordtothewise

Oh, yeah, your rationale is: YOU’RE DATING A GOOD MAN (WHO HAPPENS TO BE WHITE) WHILE (SELF-HATING) BLACK MEN DATE WHITE WOMEN CUZ THEY HATE THEMSELVES, BLACK WOMEN OR ALL OF THE ABOVE…The only one you gave a pass to was your own brother, who also married a white woman…But hey, he’s family, eh?

I’m sure there’s a lot of black men who dates and married “GOOD” women, who just so happened to be white or non-black, also…So why not give them the benefit of the doubt as you so cavalierly given yourself and your brother?

deesac
12/26/09, 17:28:pm

WordtotheWise

I really believe many black men need psychological help. You guys have so much baggage you want to dump on black females. The problem is YOU!

This exactly what I’m talking about the way you sound. A lot of blackwoman will try to devert there problems on someone else. In all you post you swing one way then another, very confusing.

Well then if I’m swinging one way, why don’t you refute it. You know, some people do that. They won’t directly confront their issues, so they put them off on others. In other words, some black men won’t address their mess, but divert it to black women. Clean up your own backyard before you start in on someone else’s. The truth hurts, sweetie. Man up to it.

Alot of blackwoman like yourselfs will never ever face there problems because they are to head strong. The first thing they will do is bite back at the person thats saying something of truth.

Since you know me so well, what, are my problems? I don’t have any problems. I’m problem free because I don’t mess with men with a lot of baggage. You guys always wanna talk about the virtues of a white women, but when the tables are turned, you whine and cry like a 2 year old.

Reading your post sends a million msg, You been in a lot of failed relationship and you have a very low self esteem plus your lonely. I hope you find the psychological help that you desperately need

Bwahahahaha! You know me that well, huh? Wrong on all levels, sweetie. My self-esteem is very good, thank you very much. I love myself and who I am and that’s not changing based on some blogger’s opinion. Please refute anything I’ve said as not being fact. Prove me wrong!

MADE IN NNY, hear f u c k i n g hear, though your comments arent as harsh as mine, hear f u c k i n g hear. No I can sign out and do the f u c k i n g things I am meant to do. LOL

wordtothewise

marquis does have a point sweetie. What if russell simmons was on here talking shyt about black women, trying to tell us what we need to be doing and how to act…. ??? do you realize how fucced up that would be.

Candy Cane
12/26/09, 17:31:pm

wordtothewise

I like what you have to say usually, but you have to understand how hard it is to take what you say to heart because you fucc white men.

You’ve got to be kidding me. Come on, girl. You gotta come better than that. My being with a white man has nothing to do with his race. I actually didn’t seek out a white man, but as I’ve stated here many times, the black men here in my town mostly like white women. I’m not waiting around for one. I met someone I truly connect with. So what was I supposed to do? Sit around bemoaning the fact that brothers like vanilla instead of chocolate. For those sisters who wanna sit around waiting for the brothers, more power to you. I’m not mad atcha, but I wasn’t going to do it.

what I’m saying is you can talk mad shyt all day long, but at the end of it… your not laying with a brotha.

I will not apologize for it either. I’ve never said that I thought white men were better than black men. What I have said is that many black men spout the praises of white women all day long and won’t date a sister for the life of them. Who’s worse? Them or me?

Sorry sis, but real is real. I agree what you said but ther’s no merit to it. But please keep spiting sista.. it’ll sound real good to the one’s who dont know your status. It still needs to be heard.

Welp, people can take what I have to say or leave it. I comment and leave it at that. Regardless of whom I’m with, I speak the truth. Reject it or accept it. That’s all I’m saying.

I do appreciate your feedback.

“where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character. ”

Hmm everyone seemingly loves this man but continues to miss the message , priceless

Btw I love my president hes bi racial, then again thats in regards to his principles and policies not something seemingly pathetic as the color of his skin, as far as ‘mongrel’ children its ironic as nobody unless you hail from some indigenous tribe is 100% of what they think you are. Race will always continue to be one of the most interesting social constructs….

Candy Cane
12/26/09, 17:36:pm

wordtothewise

marquis does have a point sweetie. What if russell simmons was on here talking shyt about black women, trying to tell us what we need to be doing and how to act…. ??? do you realize how fucced up that would be.
======================================
Well, let’s look at it like this. Forget Russ, hon. The black men here are doing exactly that. They continuously tell black women to look inward, blame us for our being single, blame us for the black man’s demise and his failures, and so on. Marquis is the last one to talk with his “n*gga b*tch” comments, and you are cosign with him?! Have you read through all these comments from so-called “bruthas” who won’t date anyone who looks like them. Girl boo!

WordtotheWise

“Welp, people can take what I have to say or leave it. I comment and leave it at that. Regardless of whom I’m with, I speak the truth”

LOL! Well darlin’, your “TRUTH” is just as skewed and subjective as Tracey’s. So in my “SUBJECTIVE” opinion, it’s NULL and VOID!

“MADE IN NNY, hear f u c k i n g hear, though your comments arent as harsh as mine, hear f u c k i n g hear. No I can sign out and do the f u c k i n g things I am meant to do. LOL” – Tracey
_________________________________________________

LoL, I hear u. I try to refrain from the harsh comments. When it gets to that point, I prefer to click the X in the upper right corner.

Marquis de Sade
12/26/09, 17:33:pm

Wordtothewise

Oh, yeah, your rationale is: YOU’RE DATING A GOOD MAN (WHO HAPPENS TO BE WHITE) WHILE (SELF-HATING) BLACK MEN DATE WHITE WOMEN CUZ THEY HATE THEMSELVES, BLACK WOMEN OR ALL OF THE ABOVE…The only one you gave a p***** to was your own brother, who also married a white woman…But hey, he’s family, eh?

Yes, because I know him personally and he’s not colorstruck. So right. I give him a big thumbs up for that. For all the other brothers out there truly in love with their non-black mate, more power to em. Love is hard to find no matter what race you are. I’ve never criticized non-colorstruck black men. Ever. Who are I to tell someone who they can’t and can’t love.

I’m sure there’s a lot of black men who dates and married “GOOD” women, who just so happened to be white or non-black, also…So why not give them the benefit of the doubt as you so cavalierly given yourself and your brother?

I have and I will. I know several white women who are married to wonderful black men. They are my friends and I love them. I have no problem with that whatsoever. Their husbands are wonderful men who truly feel in love with thier white wives character, not her skin. Those aren’t the ones I’m addressing. What part of that is so hard for you to comprehend?

wordtothewise

all bs aside I agree with you. I was poking fun, but also getting you to understand how you come off. I never disagreed with the message… just the messanger.

oh and for one sec dont get it twisted. I know how hateful and wicked marquis is. I’m not agreeing with him… merely the message he said towards that one subject about you. that and that only. He is nothing short of the devil himself. I’ve peeped him. I know you mean well… but that is two conflicting idealogies.

I couldnt dare say half the shyt I talk if I was layed up with a pinky. People would laugh at me. The best way to get people to understand where you are coming from is to lead by example. We are all visual at some point and seeing is believing.

no disrespect word!

to the people saying that black women should lower their standards i say NEVER. the one time i lowered my standards it almost cost me evrything i worked hard for. he was like a heavy weight dragging me down and i couldn’t see it because i was so concerned with being the ‘stand by your man’ type of woman. if u do lower your standards for a man don’t be suprised if he takes u down with him.

Marquis de Sade
12/26/09, 17:46:pm

WordtotheWise

“Welp, people can take what I have to say or leave it. I comment and leave it at that. Regardless of whom I’m with, I speak the truth”

LOL! Well darlin’, your “TRUTH” is just as skewed and subjective as Tracey’s. So in my “SUBJECTIVE” opinion, it’s NULL and VOID
=============================================
Whatever you want, Marquis. Coming from you, that is a compliment

Candy Cane

“He is nothing short of the devil himself.”

LOL! I’m am the BOOGIE MAN, aren’t I? It’s a gift, what can I say?

@Tracey: What’s up with the ‘mongrel’ comment?! If I choose to have mixed kids, that’s my business! That doesn’t mean that you’re kids will turn out better than mine cause they’re ‘all black’! Race really doesn’t have anything to do with how your kids will act cause there are useless men in the world no matter what race. I’m just speaking on how SOME black men are nowadays!

@MADE.IN.NY: Thanks, I was just being honest. SOME black men arent’t like they used to be back in the day. I think SOME have gotten intimidated that women wanna do more for themselves that they just got sloppy and stopped providing all together!

WOW! Did you see those numbers for those black men who DON’T have high school diplomas, incarcerated, etc? PATHETIC!!!

@ Daywalker(THE DAYDREAM!!!)

YOU ALWAYS SPEAK THE TRUTH AND I ADMIRE THAT ABOUT YOU!!!

Marquis

lol… dude you are one wicked, evil, “gifted” dude.

Sometimes you are so vile I just wanna hug you. It doesnt scare me one bit. You rub people the wrong way… but it doesnt bother me, I think it’s funny.

Candy Cane
12/26/09, 17:53:pm

wordtothewise

all bs aside I agree with you. I was poking fun, but also getting you to understand how you come off. I never disagreed with the message… just the messanger.

Okay, sis. I overstand your point .

oh and for one sec dont get it twisted. I know how hateful and wicked marquis is. I’m not agreeing with him… merely the message he said towards that one subject about you. that and that only. He is nothing short of the devil himself. I’ve peeped him. I know you mean well… but that is two conflicting idealogies.

Woooo, girl. I’m so relieved! Thank you, sis!

I couldnt dare say half the shyt I talk if I was layed up with a pinky. People would laugh at me. The best way to get people to understand where you are coming from is to lead by example. We are all visual at some point and seeing is believing.

Well, ya know. I think I am leading by example. My blackness if very important to me, and just because my mate isn’t black, doesn’t diminish that. I thoroughly understand where you are coming from. Strangely enough, do you remember the Black Panther movement? Did you know that a lot of them were with white women? I saw Eldrige Cleaver speak once at a local bookstore and right along side was his white wife. Does that make their message any less valid? Frederick Douglass also had a white wife. Again, I really do get what you are saying because it really seems like a contradiction.

no disrespect word!

Thanks hon! No problem

Daywalker

You’re cool and not cool all at the same time. In one sec you diss the fucc outta black women as a group, and the next min your loving black women.

Your like a crime fighter…. against yourself.

and i really don’t understand why black women restrict themselves to black men. i have a friend who is in long term relationship with a black man, they have been together for 6 years and he is still show no signs of wanting to get married even though they have children. i know two black women who are married and guess what….both of them are married to non-black men. black women need broaden their horizons, if u don’t want to then be prepared to be alone for the rest of your life if you don’t find the black man of your dreams

Daywalker

That pic in your gravie is from a picture message I once had. She has a really fat azz and she bends over and takes her panites off, exposing her also, fat puzzy.

Is that yo girl dawg? You might want to up your own standards!

Candy Cane

LOL! You should go on the HOLLIDAY BEACH LOVIN’ thread right below this one. I was havin’ a little fun with the FIRE n’ BRIMSTONE homophobic bible thumper crowd…And I didn’t cuss once.

wordtothewise

When a black person is pro-black and marries white is VERY conflicting to me. You know its like animal rights. Yea I dont believe in neglecting dogs or other animals, using them for their fur, testing harsh chemicals on them, over breeding, etc….. but I would NEVER fucc one.

Fredrick Douglass was amongst so many. Everything he did was watered down to me, especially in that time frame. frankly, it’s rather disappointing.

@Slide Like A Fresh Pair of Gators
where do i start? he did alot but he has definately changed my mentality. before i would have agreed with some of these posts and said that black women do need to lower their standards. Now that i have been there and done it i believe that if a man doesn’t meet what u want then keep it moving. don’t waste your time or his, there are too many woman who are unhappy in a relationship but they settle because they don’t believe that there’s better out there

Candy Cane
12/26/09, 18:08:pm

Daywalker

You’re cool and not cool all at the same time. In one sec you diss the fucc outta black women as a group, and the next min your loving black women.

Your like a crime fighter…. against yourself.
_______________________________________________

If you can show me one single solitary time where I dissed hard working, respectful, emotionaly sound women of color who love, respect and care for their men and their children of color on this blog, I will log off and never come back on again in any way shape or form……Now have I made posts on women who make complete azzes of themselves by dressing in things they know they shouldn’t be wearing, getting pregnant by men who aren’t worth the time it took for them to complete said act, and went on tirades about females doing wrong?? I sure have!! And will continue to do so,ma…..I’m sorry you don’t see eye to eye with me all the time, but the thing is: God doesn’t want people to see eye to eye all the time. It’s cool!! I don’t agree with a lot of the things I read on here sometimes, but at the end of the day, I respect you for your opinion…..Even if I don’t agree with it….

Percentage of African Americans without a High School Diploma

MEN WOMEN

20% 16%

Marquis

lol… I’m coming over. I can guarantee they’ll hate me… I’ve been called the devil and the anti-christ because of what I’ve said under those topics.

Homophobic bible thumpers huh?…. hmmmm like taking candy from a pissy azz baby. lol

to RENA and SOMALI:

What are you talking about, it is WORSE in canada. Black men have MORE access to white women and others here….

Daywalker

lmao.. save it dude. look I happen to like you, so if I really went and found ALL those hundereds of threads.. accoording to what you just said, you wouldnt log on anymore.

….. and we dont want that!!

lol

Candy Cane
12/26/09, 18:15:pm

wordtothewise

When a black person is pro-black and marries white is VERY conflicting to me. You know its like animal rights. Yea I dont believe in neglecting dogs or other animals, using them for their fur, testing harsh chemicals on them, over breeding, etc….. but I would NEVER fucc one.

Fredrick Dougl***** was amongst so many. Everything he did was watered down to me, especially in that time frame. frankly, it’s rather disappointing.
======================================
Candy, I don’t know what to tell you. I respect your opinion. As far as the animal rights issue, animals are animals, mankind is mankind.

As much mess as black men have to say about us, the one thing they CAN’T say is that black women are not ride and die. We are the ever loyal woman who will have their back even when they continuously put us down. Sorry, that’s not me.

I respect other people’s decisions, but there are too many other men on the planet for me to just settle because a man is black. I won’t do it. For those who will, more power to ya. I’m not mad atcha.

wordtothewise

I’m coming at you “hard” because I got love for your intentions. From one sista to another would you waist time talking to a incompetent retard?!…… didnt think so.

No matter if we dont exactly agree … I still respect you, and that’s worth conversing with.

wordtothewise

“As far as the animal rights issue, animals are animals, mankind is mankind. ”

baby girl, I use to think that.. but know I’m not so sure. Some “humans” are ill-equipped.

lol… honestly, I’ve met people who were no smarter than a banana.

If you believe that dating another black person is “RESTRICTING” than you do have self hating issues.

Candy Cane
12/26/09, 18:21:pm

Daywalker

lmao.. save it dude. look I happen to like you, so if I really went and found ALL those hundereds of threads.. accoording to what you just said, you wouldnt log on anymore.

….. and we dont want that!!

lol
_______________________________________________

What hundreds of threads are you talking about?? If I made just one, that would prove sufficient…If you can’t back what you say, then that’s on you!! I know what I write…But like I stated, if you can find one out of the so called “hundreds”, call me out on it as you have here…Personally, I don’t think you can, because I’ve never typed anything along those lines…Nice “try” though!!

No YOU are lying. and you fuccing know it too.

Lets play you little game and say that is your girl.

1. Why would you want her azz out for the world to see?

2. She’s black, so arent you clearly disrespecting her?

3. Also, arent you violating her privacy, but plastering her pic on a public website?

riddle me that?! See you thought that pic was random enough, where noone would know where it came from. Ooops bubble busted!

well i’m a married black female and understand this the marriage isn’t the problem it’s the people in it. marriage has so much to offer if you roll with GOD and the reason for the failure of marriages is because most of them was about what one another has or got. sex, money, looks only go’s so far trust.the devil is always at work and if you once in one point wanted to get married and now don’t because of he say, she say, then yea you won’t have happiness at all. there is so much evil and negative crap going around that it makes marriages look bad but NO! if GOD is in your life, your gifted to it.One Man, One Woman and God makes the braid of Marriage baby. believe that!

People want it to appear that being married is so much fun and it is necessary in a persons life. To all the single ladies who want to get married. It is NO picnic! Ladies you are living the life. Don’t get married, stay single and enjoy life! Travel, date different men, make a list of things you want to do and live a good life. Marriage is hell on earth, don’t do it!

Should I get off my lazy full azz and post these other pics?

Daywalker

I dont have the energy or manpower to pull up those posts. You and I know they’re there.. so whatever. If anybody else wants to research you, be my guest. They can start by clicking on any thread with a white bytch..

happy hunting!!

Candy Cane

For some reason my Internet Options isn’t clearing out my Cookies. What does the girl in Daywalker’s gravie look like?

“. . . if GOD is in your life, your gifted to it.One Man, One Woman and God makes the braid of Marriage baby. believe that!” – Missy
_________________________________________________

Yes, I believe God is the glue that keeps marriage together. I don’t see how a marriage can last without God in the center of it all.

Okay first off dont argue with ignorant people. There are white people and some blacks that are specifically on here to derail your thinking. You EVEN HAVE WHITES DISGUISED AS BLACKS TO THROW YOU OFF.

IGNORE THE TROLLS!

THE REASON WHY SO MANY SISTAS ARE SINGLE IS BECAUSE THEY WONT EXPAND THEIR HORIZONS. STOP RELYING ON BLACK MEN AND STOP WAITING FOR THE “BLACK PRINCE” TO COME FIND YOU. I’LL BE DAMNED IF I’M GONNA WAIT FOR 30-40 YEARS TO MEET A BLACK MAN. THERE ARE OTHER RACES OF MEN. BLACK MEN ARENT THE ONLY ONES FOR BLACK WOMEN! GO OUT MORE, AND START BEING SOCIAL. STOP WAITING AND ACTING LIKE A FOOL. GO OUT AND START BEING MORE DIVERSE. STOP COMPLAINING WHY YOU CANT FIND A MAN. WAKE UP!

ZYXM,

You must have an ugly or fat lazy husband, or your looks have completely gone south!

Oops, hey everybody Vegas is on sale right now. I just booked 3 rooms at Encore Hotel 12/30-01/03 for a total of $330 a night for all three rooms! These muthaf*ckas were negotiating! Dont mind the posted rates, vegas is in a recession!

Daywalker

omg dude… why say blackberry? why not just say phone? so you wanna brag that you have a blackberry now huh? Yea you have one.. and everyone else who renewed their rate plan!

please keep going… it’s getting funnier by the minute.

Candy Cane

Well if you remember, Donte went on Daywalker’s Mys.p.a.c.e. page, when Daywalker used to link his name to Mys.p.a.c.e. and stole Daywalker’s photo.

Another thing, 42% of black women have never been married? Out of that 42% how many;

1. already have a kid/kids?
2. are fat?
3. are ugly?
4. have a nappy azz weave or braids?
5. are ghetto?
6. are stupid as f*ck and cant hold a conversation without the words “kno wa um sayin”
7. have really bad credit and are lookin’ to use yours?
8. still live with their mommas?
9. are unemployed?
10. cant cook, clean or read?

?

You know I find it funny to see the posts saying that Black men need to stop trying to be actors athletes and rappers because you know why they’re all striviing for that? Because regardless of what’s said in these comments that’s what Black women want. You know I was a college basketball player and I’m a lawyer now, but when I was on the come up Black women wanted nothing to do with me, but all of a sudden I’m a good catch, now? Give me a break…women need to do as Steve Harvey said and find an older man or else be willing to grow with someone, and not expect them to be on baller status from the momen you meet.

#4 is Glok

Wordto the wise~~~ Good list and very true, i was going to go off if you had of put that MIJDC on there and Kigali but it claims it is a woman but please dont add Sanjor to that list.. ughhhhh!!!

hate to tell ya this sistas but more than likely you wont marry because you didnt grow up with a male/father figure in your own home. we all have learned behavior. and this is very prevalent in the black community. and a lot of black men also grow up without a male/father figures and they dont tend to marry either. thats just the way it is.
__________________________________________

@hi

That’s the f*cking TRUTH right there and it’s soo f*cking sad

EXCELLENT POINT!!!

That’s THE REASON why it’s hard for those that have been raised in a stable 2 parent home and/or a NON-Dysfunctional manner to find a mate…

So many people out there don’t know what being in a good relationship is because they didn’t grow up seeing it at home = seeing their parents in loving, committed & stable relationship where honor & respect was shown between the two…

*That’s something that you have to find out so that you can understand the other person in a sense…

But I will also say that you have people that have grown up in horrible situations & dysfunctional homes that have VOWED to do better for their OWN family and children…

S.T.E.E.Z.E.

Tony Redd aka Redd Tony is NOT for the sistas. He’s plays a good game, but he’s all smoke and mirrors.

and that is alot more fact than opinion!

Some of the things these women mention as requisites (like height, income, etc.) are just outlandish! Especially if you claim to be unhappy being unpartnered.

Stop looking for athletes, thugs, and harvard graduates. Why don’t you start looking for men with ambition, drive, discipline and morals? However “lame” that may sound to you ladies!

Black women need to start being practical, realistic, and logical in their dating choices.

aa sister married to aa husband for 5 years:)
12/26/09, 19:20:pm

Some of the things these women mention as requisites (like height, income, etc.) are just outlandish! Especially if you claim to be unhappy being unpartnered.

Preach!

Stop looking for athletes, thugs, and harvard graduates. Why don’t you start looking for men with ambition, drive, discipline and morals? However “lame” that may sound to you ladies!

The average woman isn’t looking for an athlete are they?

Black women need to start being practical, realistic, and logical in their dating choices.

Many are. Why are we continuously lumping all women in the same bag?

LMFAO @ what marquis said about Redd Tony…. so true.. so true.

everytime he would imposter he’d use that “tee hee” shyt and tell on himself every time… lol

rose by any other name # 9304026339482056536 ™
12/26/09, 19:13:pm

Wordto the wise~~~ Good list and very true, i was going to go off if you had of put that MIJDC on there and Kigali but it claims it is a woman but please dont add Sanjor to that list.. ughhhhh!!!
==========================================
Thank you, and girl please, I would NEVER add Kigali, MIJDC, or Sanjor to the list. EVER!

Daywalker

stfu already. I dont give a flying fucc what you said about black women, I just know you’ve said them. I told you from jump I wasn’t researching shyt… so why you keep probing is beyond me.

All I know is your one pathedic azz liar. You must be azz lame as they say you are because that pic aint yo girl, and I did see her puzzy in my phone.

Just admit you are busted and you lied… save the last shred of dignity you do have! damm

@Deesac~~ please dont copy and paste my comments, i know you can raise a son by being a single parent, i have seen it happen and i have seen some fu-k – ups who have 2 parents.. whatever!! Im off this blog, its the week-end and i have sh-t to do!!

Daywalker

scroll up and refer to my previous last post to you.

I know what google is dumb azz.

bump what you said about bw…. what about the fake azz pic LIAR!

@Txhustla

“@Syd – Enjoy Avatar, recommend the 3D experience…”

I just got back. The 3-D version we had planned to see was sold out, so we saw the regular film.

It.Was.Amazing. So beautiful. . .

I couldn’t help crying. I can’t explain it.

@deesac.. fiddy is his own man he can be in gossip and still have a mother and father.. WTF.. f outta here fiddy is fiddy and we all know its a lot of bi-ch azz men and some on here all day!

I thought I’d be able to read every comment before posting mine but there are too many of them… I agree with Dr. Drake and others as well (just don’t remember their names).

I am an African woman and I’m in my late 20s. I’ve been in the US for the past 10 years now. I was raised by a strong, independent and hardworking black woman (my mother). I hold an Engineering degree, and I consider myself to make a good living.
What I want to say is having been influenced by the African, European and American cultures, I’m still puzzled by AA women: the attitude is wayyyyyyy too dramatic and if I were a man, I would not want to deal with them, period! (And of course, this doesn’t apply to each and every one of them).
I also think the ones in the footage or that I have observed are not very realistic about relationships: it’s one thing to make good money and be FINANCIALLY INDEPENDENT, and it’s another one to be a good partner to someone (granted that each relationship comes with its challenges).

It’s only recently that I started considering getting into a serious relationship, and I had to ask myself the question “am I in a good enough place to be a good partner?” as I believe it’s a prerequisite to a good one. A series of other questions followed, and made me realize that my educational/professional background only contributes to the financial aspect of things. Because I am looking for a loving, supportive fulfilling, nurturing, peaceful relationship, I have to be able to provide that to my partner as well. I have not found him yet, but I know that that will be my challenge (which to me has nothing to do with my professional accomplishments) when I do.
My uncle whom I adore once told me that to keep a man, it is crucial to make him want to be with you, and that’s not accomplished by having tons of degrees or money (at least I don’t think so). So maybe that’s what ALL women need to focus on, and I believe the rest will follow…

M-a-s-s-e-s* (typo)

Candy Cane
12/26/09, 19:36:pm

Daywalker

scroll up and refer to my previous last post to you.

I know what google is dumb azz.

bump what you said about bw…. what about the fake azz pic LIAR!
______________________________________________

There is no “Fake azz pic”….And what does my pic have to do with you being caught in a lie?? Please explain???

Daywalker

you are a punk… You on that dumb shyt… how many times do I have to tell your dumb azz I DONT CARE WHAT YOU SAID ABOUT BLACK WOMEN. I’m NOT gonna research you. Do the words “I DONT GIVE A FUCC”… mean anything to you.

I just want your lying dogg azz to admit that picture is NOT a girl you know. You pathedic worm.

oh now I’m caught in a lie? Hmm and what lie would that be idiot?!

You are straight busted bytch. That gravie is FAKE FAKE FAKE FAKE …. and more FAKE…. just like your azz.

Redd Tony is a closet gay. He’s the only dude on here, who punctuates some of his comments with “TEE HEE”.
________________________________________

@Marquis & Candy Cane

LMAO!!!

If me and ol’ boy got into another argument again that’s the angle that I was gonna come in at AGAIN!!!

That’s what I was saying about him the last time ol’ limp wrist mother f*cker… Heeeeeeey… LMAO!!!

Ok, OTHER people see how that dude is flaming…

lmao@ ” ol’ limp wrist”

I mean really what real man.. tee hee’s

smh.

@Sydney

Did you think Avatar was racist? I have not seen it, but this topic came up on Essence.

I’ve had my “Mrs.” to a successful black man for 15 years and YES, I am equally successful. If I can offer anything it would be to open yourself to the many options available. He’s out there ladies. Don’t give up.

surely*(typo)

ALL WOMEN you can’t win today for every 1 man you have 10 women black man will not get married so easy in today world why when you can have 3 to 4 women you can date…

I Have this russian girl that i see every monday and this sista the i see every friday, right now and looking for a sunday female cause i get out from work at 5pm tell me what black men will want to get married in today world?????

Marquis

I knew what you meant. I had to throw that in there though! But actually I agree with you that nobody wants to hear you bytch and moan about after you dealing with life long struggle and responsiblity from one night of funky thug passion.

Personally I dont like “thug” dudes… and I also think they tend to have bad hygiene. Seems as though hey front like it’s “gay” to be groomed and wash your hands and azz. I dont know it just feels like that to me. Not a metrosexual guy.. just a regular one who like to wash himself.

Daywalker

Dude, let me give you a little advice: LET IT GO! IF WHAT CANDY SAID IS UNTRUE, THEN BRUSH IT OFF YOUR SHOULDER. You belaborin’ the point, only proves she’s right…Sides’, bruh, if that’s your woman, you have no business postin’ her azz on an open blog. (All trollin’ aside).

Daywalker

Your stupid azz is gonna keep talking about some dumb threads and keep advoiding the fact that you are a fake, ugly, wanna-be, loser azz dude who put up a fake pic and got called out on it.

How many times can one person be called on their lameness before they retire to the land of loserville.

stop talking to me about you bw bashing. I didnt lie, I just said I’m not going out my way to research shyt.. what about that cant your unintelligent azz understand.

Marquis

You know I’m not lying. Some things are just too obvious. You are entirely too smart (and evil, lol ) to believe otherwise.

I didnt even try to out him on purpose, I just seen it and spoke on it. He could have said from jump that he seen the pic online and liked it, so he chose to use it as his gravie pic. I mean what’s wrong with that? but leave it up to mr. fantasy land to create a bullshyt story.

That’s all I’m saying.

Candy Cane

I know you’re not lying, but my man keeps diggin’ a hole by seeking validation on a gossip site, I thought i’d pull his shirt tail and advise him to LET IT GO!

I mean really what real man.. tee hee’s
___________________________________

@Candy Cane

LMAO!!!

Check this out, that’s what I was saying last time about him when we were going back and forth = What kind of man calls himself “Earth Sign”, what kind of f@ggot a$$ sh*t is that??? Heeeeeeey (*with a limp wrist*)

And you know why we were arguing, because his queer a$$ was talking about choking his girl in a way that didn’t leave any marks on her neck and I had an issue with that and said something…

Funny, I thought I was the only one who noticed his female tendencies…

Marquis

Thank you baby!

Marquis de Sade
12/26/09, 20:07:pm

Daywalker

Dude, let me give you a little advice: LET IT GO! IF WHAT CANDY SAID IS UNTRUE, THEN BRUSH IT OFF YOUR SHOULDER. You belaborin’ the point, only proves she’s right…Sides’, bruh, if that’s your woman, you have no business postin’ her azz on an open blog. (All trollin’ aside).
______________________________________________

N*ggah, I don’t care either way, but if memory serves, “she” was the one who made a statement to the content of “my” character…Not the other way around!! Me and my chick can laugh and have fun with each other regardless of what other people think, and we post pictures of each other all the time….She doesn’t take issue with it as long as I don’t show her grill…However, for this chick to tell me what I said, and then provide no proof about it is just funny to me!! I mean don’t get me wrong, you do your “troll thing” on here and a lot of the time, I know who you are, but it ain’t my place to diss you, call you out of your name, and go to all kinds of lengths just to make you admit who you are…If that’s what makes you happy, then so be it!! But why ol’ girl gotta be all up on mine like that??? It sounds like she needs to get some business of her own instead of digging in mine, dawg…(And no hating on the troll thing, Marquis…I actually think it’s pretty funny, myself!!)

Daywalker

you really sound stupid now. dont hate on Marquis because he’s not stupid like you and would get caught in an OBVIOUS lie. And besides this is NOT the first time your dumb azz as been fronted by complete strangers.

Marquis was trying to help you at first but you wouldnt listen, so he just kept it real with you.

Thank You Sydney, I read about different perspectives from different people.

Sometimes, I think people look for something that is not there.

What is weird is that there IS now a proven fact that there are many sucessful and professional black females out there, yet black men are still focussed on bringing us down? What the hell, isn’t this meant to be good news for black men? Isn’t that what black men want, black women who can hold their own, intelligent, working and looking for love?

I give white men their dues, if this was a proven fact on white women, you wouldn’t find white men sitting and blogging they would be out there mingling in the right places, wasting no times.

Candy Cane
12/26/09, 20:27:pm

Daywalker

you really sound stupid now. dont hate on Marquis because he’s not stupid like you and would get caught in an OBVIOUS lie. And besides this is NOT the first time your dumb azz as been fronted by complete strangers.

Marquis was trying to help you at first but you wouldnt listen, so he just kept it real with you.
_______________________________________________

And the reason your lying azz is still talking to me is???

because I can bytch. and I will for however long I choose to. If you dont like it… log off loser.

Tracey

Darlin’, let it go! There’s no way a weak minded black man can bring a strong black woman down, unless she allows him to, and vice versa. Stop with whole MARTYR/VICTIM routine, it’s annoyin’.

“…(And no hating on the troll thing, Marquis…I actually think it’s pretty funny, myself!!)”
__________________________

you sound like a real puzzy. How do you call yourself “checking” somebody, but double back and get all “nice” at the end.

weak

Daywalker

lol.. yea you might have a nut-sack but you sure dont have a dyck because it’s tucked in your azz.

weak bytch

Candy Cane
12/26/09, 20:34:pm

“…(And no hating on the troll thing, Marquis…I actually think it’s pretty funny, myself!!)”
__________________________

you sound like a real puzzy. How do you call yourself “checking” somebody, but double back and get all “nice” at the end.

weak
_______________________________________________

Well, you’d be the puzzy expert, wouldn’t ya?? And for your info, I got no beef with Marquis…But I do have beef with sour, stank puzzy having females who lie about shyt, tho…Can’t stand their ignorant azzes…

Darlin’, let it go! There’s no way a weak minded black man can bring a strong black woman down, unless she allows him to, and vice versa. Stop with whole MARTYR/VICTIM routine, it’s annoyin’
_______________________
VERY TRUE…. now THAT I agree with.

@Angee

“Thank You Sydney, I read about different perspectives from different people.”

Sure, no problem.

“Sometimes, I think people look for something that is not there.”

I can see how someone could arrive at that other conclusion as well. I personally wasn’t offended in any way. I thought it was a beautiful piece of film-making (the scenery was amazing), and it moved me (but that, admittedly, is not that hard to do, lol). I thought Zoe Saldana did a great job as well. Do you plan to see it?

Candy Cane
12/26/09, 20:36:pm

Daywalker

lol.. yea you might have a nut-sack but you sure dont have a dyck because it’s tucked in your azz.

weak bytch
_______________________________________________

Actually, that would be your momma’s azz….I’ll be posting the footage here shortly…

Um, I think I’ll take my leave now. . .

@SYD,

Glad you enjoyed the Film.

Steph and I saw NINE, the nanny and the kids saw The Princess and the Frog again.

This blog has really heated up. Lets see where can I get in. lol

Candy Cane
12/26/09, 20:36:pm

Of course if you don’t recognize her, it’s because I gave her a bath in bleach, and used a weed whacker to shave her back…

Omg, just when I thought you couldnt get any more lame, you come with a “mama joke”… I mean come on dude white kids are doing mama jokes now… goes to show you how they that is… and how lame YOU ARE.

I’m crying over in from laughing so damm hard.

@Syd

Dont leave.

Gaywalker, dont try and save face with Marquis. He posts on here alot more than I do, and I dont think he’d want some gay cyber stalker all on his nuts every time he makes a comment.

@Sydney

Yes, I do plan to see it tomorrow, assuming I can get out of the winter wonderland that is the northwest suburbs of Chicago

Gaywalker the stalker..

I’ve concluded that you posted that fake pic, to cover up the fact your a homosexual, which I see nothing wrong with. But your own insecurites have you wimping out by lying, dont worry your not going to hell for getting it up the azz…. just a nice trip to your local clinic.

*our own*

@Dr. Hayden Drake

How was NINE? I would like to see that, too. It’s getting a lot of Oscar buzz. I also have “Invictus” and “Up in the Air” on my list, too.

@Angee

Girl, I don’t know how you Illinois denizens take that extreme cold. I was too exasperated with the snow we had in the DMV.

@Dr. Drake

Thank you.
cosign 100%

and I’m a young black girl from the south that is supposed to be in his main ‘demographic’
smh….

Candy Cane
12/26/09, 20:47:pm

Gaywalker, dont try and save face with Marquis. He posts on here alot more than I do, and I dont think he’d want some gay cyber stalker all on his nuts every time he makes a comment.
______________________________________________

Nah, just like I don’t want a lying azz trick swinging from my scrotum sacs either…But then I guess you’ll do whatever you have to to keep a n*gga, cause it’s obvious you’re all on mine right about now….SMH….

Gaywalker the stalker

how did the audition go?

I wonder if the subject were reversed what would all the responses be like. What if this topic was…

“Why are so many successful black men single?”

I have a couple of frat brothers both doctors, that are single. They say lots of black women just won’t date short men?

Is that true sisters, would you marry and have children with a dude that was between 5’4 and 5’6?

Even if he is a doctor and a good man?

@daywalker

she called you out dawg, just leave it alone.

. . . . . . . . waiting for answers . . . . . .

Why is it just black women? Successful woman in general find it hard to get a dude. Those statistics were presented to me in a college class. I don’t know why they wnat it to seem like just black women have a hard time.

@ EVERY BODY

What if this topic was…

“Why are so many successful black men single?”

I have a couple of frat brothers both doctors, that are single. They say lots of black women just won’t date short men?

Is that true sisters, would you marry and have children with a dude that was between 5′4 and 5′6?

Even if he is a doctor and a good man?

Toni
12/26/09, 21:12:pm

Why is it just black women? Successful woman in general find it hard to get a dude. Those statistics were presented to me in a college cl*****. I don’t know why they wnat it to seem like just black women have a hard time.
=========================================
Toni, the media always wants to throw shade on sisters. How many times has this discussion been rehashed? Everything negative has a black face to it. That’s what happens when we have a white-owned media. They present everyone else’s (namely black) instead of their own. Networks like BET and TV One don’t have enough sense to bring the real truth.

@ANGEE- Oh okay. Well, I definitely was not going to spend anytime online on such a day. I will have to check out what I missed today

If Nightline actually cared and is not trying to vie for rating I would care. That means over 50% has been married. So many of them after they start making a little bit of money are so hard to get along with that is why no one will marry them. I’ve been married and now i’m divorced at this point I have no interest in getting married again. Before folks start questioning why they need to see how many of these woman are unmarried by choice.

@….:
12/26/09, 21:11:pm

@daywalker

she called you out dawg, just leave it alone.
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Actually, it was the other way around…All she did was make “accusations” for which she had no actual “proof” of….But anyways, What’s good???

@patricia,

“I want an educated, good looking, physically fit Black man, with a stable job, and financially secure!” and then the same girlfriend who told me this does not have her **** together-not financial or physical wise! How can we state that we want all of this delicious package when we are not putting a package out there to attract these sort of men?”
********************************************

You just made the point i have been trying to make all day.

well said. Thank you for telling the dang truth.

@Ms.EJ, hey baby girl!!! You had me worried. I hadn’t heard from you in a while. I knew you were probably mad busy. How are you, sweetie?

I hope you had a wonderful Christmas. I’ll look forward to your emails

Dr. Drake, I’m the kind of woman that looks at character before anything else. I don’t really care that much about anything else. Attraction is very important, but not the end all. If a man is short and I dig him, why would I pass him over because of such superficial standards. In other words, the answer to your question is yes, I would date a short man.

@DAYWALKER- I knew they would be full from the lovely meal you cooked. I love gumbo, particularly my mothers which is my favorite. Spicy gumbo over rice is the BEST. I did not have a mixer to make my sweet potato pie, but it came out perfect, nice and smooth (no strings). I gave myself a pat on the back, lol.

@Patricia – what about loving, caring, faithful, dedicated, great father material, etc. There’s nothing wrong with wanting someone physically fit, but what if you get that, and he’s a horrible husband? I understand preferences, but what happens if and when those good looks and fit body change. You know, it’s never guaranteed. Just asking not trying to be confrontational.

sorry dawg, but i’ve seen that pic before too.

Bye Angee!

@WORDTOTHEWISE- I missed you too, and trust me you and your mom are never far from my heart. Many things transpired this past week,including one of my aunt’s whom I am very close to had a heart attack, but thank God she made it. She was released from the hospital about two days ago.

Dr. Hayden Drake

In Cali, most sistas’ ain’t datin’ a short man, even if he is genetically/socially incapable of makin’ less than six figures…Now that’s not to say they won’t try and play him for a new Fendi Bag or some Manolo Blahnks(sp) by givin’ him some, but he better wrap it up, though.

@Ms.EJ, girl, I’m so sorry to hear about your aunt. I was really worried about you, girlie. I’m glad she made it and is home safely. Thank God! I knew there had to be something going on. Thank you for your thoughts toward us. I appreciate that so much, sweetie. Does your aunt live in your town?

Dr. Hayden Drake
12/26/09, 21:13:pm

@ EVERY BODY

What if this topic was…

“Why are so many successful black men single?”

I have a couple of frat brothers both doctors, that are single. They say lots of black women just won’t date short men?

Is that true sisters, would you marry and have children with a dude that was between 5′4 and 5′6?

Even if he is a doctor and a good man?
______________________________________________

I’m like 5’11, so I’m not really that short as opposed to some… I know a few guys who are like 5’3 to 5’6….Shorter than me, but they can get girls..However, they rarely get sistas that are taller than them, Doc…I mean I’ve seen them pull taller women, but it’s rare…I think a lot of women prefer that a guy to be taller than them, but that’s just my opinion, though…As for whether they’d get with a guy just because he’s a doctor and a good dude, all I can say is that women are hard to judge sometimes, and some of the time opposites do attract…

Really the problem start with black men and women. We both have a low self esteem about ourselves as a race, and were living in Jim Crow theory.

We must break the tread if we expect to be successful in a relationship.Black women have to start selecting better choices in men, and blackmen need to have more repect for blackwomen.

Now I no this is hard because at this point we do not trust each other. But this is what we get for trying to intergrate into main stream society.

Ms.EJ
12/26/09, 21:20:pm

@DAYWALKER- I knew they would be full from the lovely meal you cooked. I love gumbo, particularly my mothers which is my favorite. Spicy gumbo over rice is the BEST. I did not have a mixer to make my sweet potato pie, but it came out perfect, nice and smooth (no strings). I gave myself a pat on the back, lol.
_______________________________________________

Well, Congrats!! You don’t really need a mixer as long as you mash the potatoes up well, though…This gumbo I made is smelling pretty good, though…I usually make it when it gets cold….
_______________________________________________

….
12/26/09, 21:24:pm

sorry dawg, but i’ve seen that pic before too.
______________________________________________

Dude, I don’t really care…I told ol’ girl when I took it, and if her azz chooses not to believe it, then that’s her thing….Not mine….

@DR. HAYDEN DRAKE-Given the fact that I was extremely close to my father(RIP DADDY)I tended to be attracted to men who possessed his characteristics such as: being God-fearing, humorous, great communicator, intelligent, sensitive, good cook, and physically active men. My father was a tall men and the majority of men who I dated and/or had serious relationships with were extremely tall men. I have to be physically attracted to a man both physically, and I look at one’s heart regardless of height. I will admit that for awhile I did not care for a man who was shorter than me, but that was when I was much younger and even then it was never a deal breaker. A man can that can make love to my mind emotionally and mentally is what ultimately matters to me.

I never got that about some women.

Why does it matter if a man is short or not?
I mean if he has the same equipment and is willing to take care of you want the big deal. I hope women are not stupid enough to think height is correlated with the size of his package.

I wouldn’t be surprised if that was the answer, actually.

You women running around getting these big old football player looking dudes… thats all good if you have a son. If you have a little girl she is gonna look like her big @zz daddy. I see them all the time, badly built and self conscious, cuz her mama just had to have big old thug.

Men, we don’t care if a woman is short.

I’m 6’3 my wife is 5’7 but I would love her even if she was 4’7.

@OPEN,

We are glad that you learned to copy and paste from bible.com but…..

MAN Nobody is reading all of that.

And don’t bring the bible into this. Black people can have an intellectual conversation with out using the bible, especially when most who quote the bible are full of sin themselves… They just think their sins are not as bad….

Any Way. Point is, Ain’t nobody reading all that!

@Dr. Drake

Height doesn’t make a man
Height doesn’t matter to me at all

my ex was 6’10
the guy im currently dating is the same height as me 5’7

@DR. HAYDEN DRAKE- I know some women still abide by the “high heel test” when it comes to men and height, but some women prefer to date taller men or tall men, because they feel that a tall man can protect them. I was once under the false impression that short men could not defend or fight if it came to protecting himself or family from harm. At the end of the day it is their preference, however I think most women will not pass up on a good man just because he is short. Of course no one on here knows your friends personally, but it may not be their height that prevents them from getting or dating women.

Bye Day! and thank you for the prayer offerings to my mom.

WordtotheWise- My aunt lives in Miami, Florida. Actually, all of my fathers side of the family live on the West Coast, and my moms side in the South. Will email you later .

I see that I have came in this thread at the tail end, lol. It seems that everyone is leaving, therefore I will follow suit.

Good night everyone and God Bless *exits*

@open

I take it you don’t eat pork…

Do the knowledge

@Dr. Hayden Drake:
I’m only 5’4 and my husband is 5’9 so that’s short to me anyway! LOL! But I fell in love with a short man! Besides him being the first non-black person I’ve been invoved with, her was also the shortest! lol But if I found somone shorter, like 5’6, yeah I would still date him! Unlike SOME men nowadays, I wouldn’t run if I found somone that was more qualified than I was. That would just give me more drive to get my sh*t together(if it wasn’t already) no matter how tall he was!

High Heel Test Wow Never heard of that.

And Sorry to say this MS. EJ. But Its stupid to pick a man on the basis of whether he can fight or protect you.

It’s 2009 no man can protect you or himself from a bullet based on his height.

And fighting over women is for children and uneducated black men. Not adults with sense enough to leave a bad situation before it gets worse.

As far as protection goes. If a man uses his mind to earn a living that keeps you all from struggling, that is provision and protection.

There are a lot of TALL black men in prison or doing other thuggish things and if they had a woman they couldnt protect her from anything legal.

As long as I have a Gun any man that runs up in my house, no matter what his size or mine, is a dead man.

I hope you have grown out of that childish mentality that still pervades among black women today.

Get you a man with an education and some money who loves you. Don’t worry about his fighting skills or his height. Hell if you feel danger. then call the dang police.

GOD, you just p-i-s-s-e-d me off with that one, I gotta calm down.

I’m a 30 something single black female. I am successful, attractive and not fat. I am single because I choose to be. I am single because I have yet to meet a man that I want to settle down with and I date frequently. I have dated all kinds of men from professional athletes, doctors and lawyers to a tow truck driver and a Puerto Rican construction worker. As long as you are a hard working, respectful caring man, I don’t really care what you do for a living.

The reality is, marriage is more than two people joining together who love each other. It is a partnership. Both women and men need to be serious and selective about whom they choose to enter the partnership with.

I would like to get married one day, but I will not just settle down with someone whom I am not evenly yolked.

I think that as black women get older it is hard to adjust to being married and being able to let go and let a man be head of household especially when you’ve been doing that all along. Its hard to trust someone in that position especially if you’ve been hurt in the past. I got married in my 30s and it was an adjustment, but I wouldn’t change it for the world. I support him in his career goals as he does with me.

@DR. HAYDEN DRAKE- Please do not attack me, and that was uncalled for. I was stating for SOME WOMEN not me personally. I said I was under the false impression, but I never ever said that I did not date a man due to that. I mostly spoke on women who did not date men for that reason alone. I also posted a comment to you earlier regarding the reasons why I date a man which was beautiful that you seem to have intentionally looked over. It seems that you wanted a reason to attack me. That was not right or called for. Read my original two comments to you.

@DR. HAYDEN DRAKE- This was my original comment to you at “2/26/09, 21:32:pm

@DR. HAYDEN DRAKE-Given the fact that I was extremely close to my father(RIP DADDY)I tended to be attracted to men who possessed his characteristics such as: being God-fearing, humorous, great communicator, intelligent, sensitive, good cook, and physically active men. My father was a tall men and the majority of men who I dated and/or had serious relationships with were extremely tall men. I have to be physically attracted to a man both physically, and I look at one’s heart regardless of height. I will admit that for awhile I did not care for a man who was shorter than me, but that was when I was much younger and even then it was never a deal breaker. A man can that can make love to my mind emotionally and mentally is what ultimately matters to me.
———————————————-

In the future please do not e-speak to me in such a mean-spirited and condescending way. I am very respectful to ALL those I interact with online and offline and I ask for the same in return. Maybe you are short tempered, but whatever the reason did not justify the tone of your reply to me.

Dr. Drake

LOL! Calm down, bruh, Ms. EJ is a gentle soul, and didn’t mean no harm…Now if you want to go hard Wordtothewise, then let me break out the popcorn.

I wasn’t looking to attack you.
I was attacking the idea that you presented.
If the ideas that you expressed are not your personal ideas then I am not talking about you.

I’m talking about the same women that you were talking about who do thing that.

I apologize.

I’m out for the evening…it has been a rough couple of days and things are just starting to really get better. It is a must that I keep up the positive energy flowing.

Thank you to Marquis De Sade and WordtotheWise

*final exit*

Dr. Hayden;

You’re half a moron. As former law enforcement, I can tell that many people have been killed thinking that a gun was the only protection they need. In some cases if you’re close enough, I can probably take your gun and hold against your forehead. All three of my children (a girl and two boys) know how to fight, shoot, and generally defend themselves. I feel that it is important for a man to be able to defend his woman in as many situations as possible. And a woman should expect it. That is why my kids know first aid, and have camping and survival skills. You’re right; money is the first line of defense but as the past two years have shown, it is not always reliable.

I find nothing wrong if a woman expects certain things from her dream guy. However, that desire should be tempered with pragamatisim. A mate should be choosen by the balance of he or she brings to a relationship and not excluded for something superficial.

Ms.EJ

Goodnight, Princess.

“I feel that it is important for a man to be able to defend his woman in as many situations as possible. And a woman should expect it.” – WTF
_______________________________________________

Thank you!!! Now, I can go to bed on a note of common sense.

What man WOULDN’T want to be able to protect his woman? I’m not talking about going around starting fights for no reason, but just as a natural instinct to defend and fight for her (and their family) in dire circumstances.

My have a headache, I can’t take it anymore . . .

@WTF

You missed the entire point Sir. Which was women shouldn’t pass over men by considering whether or not he will engage fighting with other people.

The gun example i used was simply to amplify the point that there is no way one can use size to determine protection. Especially when people use weapons (of any kind) or are just crazy.

And Sir. You seem to enjoy fighting so much so that you have passed it on to your kids.
Thats great. I just personally feel that teaching children to fight with their minds would be a thousand time more productive.

All the little thugs in juvenile can fight too. You see what it got them. Fighting is no longer the answer, Dollars and Education. thats the key. I hope you teach your children that too. ( not saying that you don’t)

And you don’t no me bruh, to be calling me anything, stick to adult conversation and let your kids and other children do the name calling.

WTF

Now, now, you should know that most men aren’t warriors, and what Dr. Drake was gettin’ at, was with money and education, one can (in most cases) insulate their love ones by moving them to a safe and civilized environment where liked individuals also reside, thus lessening the risk of dealin’ with the day to day violent intangibles of livin’ in the URBAN BASTILLE that we “AFFECTIONATELY” call the HOOD.

*I*

And you don’t know me bruh, to be calling me anything, stick to adult conversation and let your kids and other children do the name calling.

Lazy with Lower IQs and Confused Black Men

Dang, you needed to post that mini novella just to say black men ain’t yo’ cup of tea?

I grew up in the hood. I never had to fight anyone.

I dated black women all the way into medical school. I never had to physically fight any one for or about them.

I knew I was going to be a doctor and the use of my hands would save lives. I didn’t need to use them to fight. I used my head.

If it came down to physical fighting and there was no other logical solution to protect my family, I would, who wouldn’t. But violence rarely solves anything and there is never a guarantee that you will when. If you are the provider for your family its simply stupid to get involved in an altercation that may risk you ability to be a provider, like going to jail or getting seriously hurt. It just doesn’t make sense. Sorry.

lol @ Marquis

Dang, you needed to post that mini novella just to say black men ain’t yo’ cup of tea?

ha ha

Well in Cali, you know where not to go to lessen the odds for violence and(or) drama. It’s all about takin’ the path of least resistance…That’s either City Walk, The Grove or Disney Land. There’s other locations, but i’m sure y’all get the gist.

It’s funny because black men can choose light skinned, long hair, big butt and everything else not related to character whatsoever. Free will is free will. People have a right to date whom they want. If a women wants a thug, that is her choice. You can’t change it, just like you can change SOME black men’s affinity for white or anything close to it. OH, but I forgot, that’s good for the goose, isn’t for the gander. My apologies.

@ Marquis de Sade

(This is not projected at towards all black men: only the group deemed unfit and unproductive in so many ways.)

You’re wrong. I was married to a black man. I love black men but I will not settle or lower my standards for the sake of having a black man. My point is a large number of Black men seem to easily fit the stereotype that they world has of them: Low IQs, lazy, violent, druggin’ thugs who are confused. If larger number of men in other societies across the planet can step up their game, be leaders, play hard in the classrooms and corporate rooms, what the hell is wrong with Black men? If I were a black man, I would be so insulted that I would challenge myself to rise to the occasion, tow the line and be a real man in both the household and career field. Our brothers (men) have low self-esteem, feel inadequate, and afraid to rise up and meet the challenge of become real men who are leaders and worthwhile.

Lazy with Lower IQs and Confused Black Men
12/26/09, 22:43:pm

@ Marquis de Sade

(This is not projected at towards all black men: only the group deemed unfit and unproductive in so many ways.)

You’re wrong. I was married to a black man. I love black men but I will not settle or lower my standards for the sake of having a black man. My point is a large number of Black men seem to easily fit the stereotype that they world has of them: Low IQs, lazy, violent, druggin’ thugs who are confused. If larger number of men in other societies across the planet can step up their game, be leaders, play hard in the cl*****rooms and corporate rooms, what the hell is wrong with Black men? If I were a black man, I would be so insulted that I would challenge myself to rise to the occasion, tow the line and be a real man in both the household and career field. Our brothers (men) have low self-esteem, feel inadequate, and afraid to rise up and meet the challenge of become real men who are leaders and worthwhile.
====================================
What a brilliantly written commentary. These are the issues many refuse to see about themselves.

You never know what can happen at any time, at any place. Crazy people are everywhere, people are irrational and do irrational things. I’ve learned to always expect the unexpected. Things will not always go as planned. People will not always behave the way you expect them to. There might come a time when money can’t fight your battle.

No one is advocating a thug mentality, but men were created to be protectors in every sense of the word and if a woman can sense a man is more likely to run, leaving her for dead at a desperate moment in time, 9 times out of 10, that’s a man she doesn’t want.

Protection doesn’t always mean physically fighting. Would you jump in front of a bullet for that woman? Would you push her out of the way of a moving car and take the hit for her? If there’s a fire in your home, are you capable of making sure you get her out and the kids too? These are all examples.

And there’s the other type of protection (that has nothing to do with height). Will protect her heart and not hurt her? Will you guide her in the right direction as the head of the family? Can she depend on you to support your fam financially and do it without acting like you’re doing them a favor? Etc.

Dr. Drake;

I’m also insulted by your implying that your talents as a doctor are somehow higher than that of a cop. If you’re ever robbed by two men with guns already drawn, yell at them “I’m a doctor and I’m armed.”

Marquis, why don’t you ever just address the subject at hand instead of turning it around. Since you are so educated on how many black women are actually dating thugs, please give us some numbers since you and black men who spout this nonsense seem to know so much. Come now. I’ll wait.

WTF

Sounds like you’re projectin’ and have a lot of mis-placed aggression, which has made you very pugnacious, bruh. Btw, don’t try and impress folks with your “WORKIN’ C.L.A.S.S. HERO” schtick…In doin’ so , you’re just as guilty of the same c.l.a.s.s.i.s.m. as you’re accusin’ Dr. Drake of.

WTF, keep speaking what you speak and spittin out the truth. You can’t expect the likes of Marquis to agree.

IT’S A SHAME THOSE WOMEN ARE SO PRETTY TOO…..But just like they said 1.8 million would still be “single” if every blk woman had a black man so so naturally some are still gonna date outside the race

@WTF
that first line should read ….

You lost me. Some where in between your Bravado and your intention to prove some point, that was never being challenged to begin with.

@ Down By Law: Thanks for the stick-up! lol…Even if you wasn’t doing that thanks for recognizing that STUPID remark anyway! lol

“WordtotheWise
12/26/09, 23:06:pm

WTF, keep speaking what you speak and spittin out the truth. You can’t expect the likes of Marquis to agree.”

Y’know, you’ve just proven mine, 6am’s, Kigali’s and Sanjor’s point with that last comment, don’t ya’, darlin’. Still equatin’ brawn and violence with real manism, i.e. THUG WORSHIPPIN’. LOL! You’re so predictable.

Shut the hell up During the so called Feminist movement BLACK MEN STILL HAD NO DAMM JOB AND BLACK WOMEN WERE DOING WAHT!??? TAKING CARE OF YOU!!!….So dumb…also White women don’t always date down so why should black women? you black men will marry a damm white nanny or flight attendent but you won’t marry a black school teacher….Half you black men that went to jail ruined your own life black women don’t have to date you and most of you can’t stand when they make more money than you anyway.

bw can date outside the race all they want to. when it comes to married, most non-bm who do date bw, when the time comes for them to settle down there going to choose there own. sorry.

Dr. Drake;

??????? Do you read what people write?

you name one college educated bm that married an uneducated becky.

@WTF,

I do. Thats why I am still surprised at you.

Did you read what I wrote. How I respect your position and that I donate generously to officers?

Did you read that I said I never said I was wiser or better than you?

I simply addressed what you said.

Thats all.
Find My fault again sir. Maybe I missed it in your attempt to explain something or other.

Dr. Hayden Drake….is that really your picture?

Dear Single Black Woman…. YOU AIN’T GON TIE ME DOWN!! TIE ME DOWN TIE ME DOWN!!! YOU AINT GON TIE ME DOWN!!

Lets face it… yall brought it on yaselves.

-GREAT BM

“YOUNG BLACK MEN” THE TIME IS NOW GET IT TOGETHER, STOP EMULATING HIP HOP ARTIST..STop dressing like you a rapper or you have been to jail, Be more nicer, stop smoking,be more romantic, and get an education BECAUSE YOUR GONNA LOOSE YOUR WOMEN THIS IS NOT A JOKE!!!

Its true that men do want beautiful women but how can you say they don’t WANT AVG BLK WOMEN WHEN THEY JUST GO GET SOME AVG OR BELOW AVGT LOOKING WHITE WOMEN?

@daniel – try Tiger Woods

@Dr. Drake – you seem hype. I wonder why you fail to mention how blk men will overlook a good blk women, if she has no a.s.s. or lacking the curves of buffy the bod. Yet, you get on blk women for having a height preference, r u serious?

Here’s the deal, blk men have probs. at least “listening” to blk women, no heavy lifting, just listening to us.

We tell you our communities are suffering.. blk men turn their backs as evidenced by single parent homes, etc.

Say what you will about the “hoodrats, skanks, and attitudes,” at the end of the day, blk women still take care of the babies, go to school, and run the households, b/c blk men CHOOSE NOT TO.

ATTENTION DUMMIES!

This article did EXACTLY what it was supposed to do. DIVIDE US!

note: When white ppl THROW AROUND stats about blacks..IT’S NEVER FOR OUR GOOD!
Do you honestly think that white ppl care SO MUCH ABOUT US? Think about it! When has the white media cared so much about blk america!

PUTTING YOU ON GAME 101!

Whites will SOON be the minority. They are scared as h.e.l.l.! WE ARE WINNING! KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE PRIZE! WHEN THESE SICKNING ARTICLES COME OUT,REMEMBER TO LOOK INWARD.Remember than,when you are doing well,HATERS come a callin!

BLACKS ARE DOING JUSTTTT FINE!!

THINK

Tanji

Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but most of them have nothin’ to step up to…Given their current environment, only a few may get out and excel, but most will lag behind. Black women are s.u.c.c.e.e.d.i.n.g in the same environment due to (SUB-CONSCIOUS) GENDER BIAS CHILD REARING. Women are better equipped to raise their daughters as opposed to their boys.

@ Marquis de Sade

Wrong again. My ex-husband graduated from St. Lawrence University and I went to UConn. I do not date subpar. There are no thugs allowed in my household. My children have started college (future dentist of doctor of physical therapy) and I have instilled great values in them: Love yourself more than anything (drugs, etc.) or anyone else on this Earth. Play hard, study hard! Above all love God and reach for higher heights…never settle…look for quality of characters.

I’m sure your environment (negative) has shaped your worldview, but there are some of us who have chosen to experience (positive) life differently.

@Cherry Fields.

I actually agree with you.

I think both black men and black women overlook wonderfully qualified people as spouses because of superficial reasons.

The point I was making about height, is that i know other successful black men that are over looked because of their height.

I think the same when it comes to women. A man should not base his choice of wife on her behind, or curves rather than her beauty inside and out and her ability to be a good wife and mother. Marriage is more than sex. One must have a partner.

My wife doesn’t have a big old butt, and that not why I married her.

I think both sides have growing to do. We both should consider the long term relationship and not just simply the immediate physical. Your choices grow considerably then.

@Marquis Sade

(Correction: future Dentist and the other pursuing Doctor of Physical Therapy.)

No Subpar Mating Allowed! LOL

Exception, not the rule…If it was so, you wouldn’t have typed that mini novella espousing the shortcomings of most black men.

daniel
12/26/09, 23:24:pm

bw can date outside the race all they want to. when it comes to married, most non-bm who do date bw, when the time comes for them to settle down there going to choose there own. sorry.
===================================
And you get that from where? More and more black women are marrying outside their race. Why do you brothers always want to make up stories. Do your research.

You guys just want us to stay pining away for black men. It strokes your egos. Why do so many black men got to extreme lengths to tell us how we are NOT wanted? Maybe it’s because you guys are angry and confused. The number of eligible black men vs. black women are small. Thus, of course sisters not willing to date outside their race will be single. It’s simple arithmetic.

Yes, Tiger Woods went to Stanford University on a Golf Scholarship.

No Subpar Mating Allowed! LOL

Sorry, I though you were “Lazy with Lower IQs and Confused Black Men”…But my last response still stands.

12/26/09, 23:40:pm

ATTENTION DUMMIES!

This article did EXACTLY what it was supposed to do. DIVIDE US!

note: When white ppl THROW AROUND stats about blacks..IT’S NEVER FOR OUR GOOD!
Do you honestly think that white ppl care SO MUCH ABOUT US? Think about it! When has the white media cared so much about blk america!

PUTTING YOU ON GAME 101!

Whites will SOON be the minority. They are scared as h.e.l.l.! WE ARE WINNING! KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE PRIZE! WHEN THESE SICKNING ARTICLES COME OUT,REMEMBER TO LOOK INWARD.Remember than,when you are doing well,HATERS come a callin!

BLACKS ARE DOING JUSTTTT FIN

It’s a sad case for black women trying to find a decent black man. The breakdown of where all the black men have gone was surprising but they forgot about all the GAY black men! Although I love tha brothas I would have no problem finding love outside my race…

@Tiray

We disagree. My Coworkers, friend friend girls, and family have been saying this for a number years. We didn’t need a News Segment or Investigation to tell us what we already know. However, it was “Black Women” who requested that a segment be done regarding our plight. Hell, Oprah, Tyra have already covered this matter in episodes. This is nothing new. White people are not trying to divide us in this sense. These are facts that Black women wrote to ABC to beg for our plight to put on blast. The statistics are real and the people in my circle (both men and women…married and single) have all discussed this with me for quite a while. We do have a number of confused black men, those who are thuggin’ and bound for prison, no jobs, or poor education. This leave the ratio of qualified black men to qualified black women unbalance. Not to mention that there are 1.8 more black women than men. The reporter was only speaking what the research, interviews, statistics show. I’m sure black women and men were involved in researching & writing this segment.

Okay I stepped back into the same bm/bw bs…. well atleast gaywalker is gone.

@ Sorry Tiray..

How do you know that this media trip is the TRUTH? This is the problem.
MOST PPL TAKE THEIR OWN WARPED EXPERIENCES AND MAKE IT TRUTH…which it is not!

When you aren’t doing great,don’t think that other’s are…..YES..PPL WHO BELIEVE MEDIA HYPE ARE IN DEED DUMMIES!

blacks are fine!

Let’s not project!

@

My brothers, we should try harder. Black women should hold no regrets either nor lower this standards stuff.. Successful careers don’t comes easy nor relationships or marriage. Hey, our President didn’t succeed from the start with the first lady.. He kept trying and he was already successful in his career..

@Black Queen AND Marquis de Sade:

If you happened to read my first comment earlier I mentioned that my husband isn’t black. I NEVER thought that I would’ve married a outside of my race(he’s hispanic for those wondering, but who cares?) but for those that are wanting to find that good black man, they ARE out there. I guess some women have just got tired of the MAJORITY.

But one of my good friends is going for her Masters and guys say the same thing: ‘You’re too good for me’ or ‘You probably won’t go for a guy like me, huh?’ It’s craziness! Guys are putting themselves down before they even know what kind of man she even wants! How come a successful woman scares ya’ll?! If you wanna provide for a woman like that, why not try harder to get to that point! I don’t mean same profession but it’s okay to make a lil less than your woman as long as you CAN PROVIDE for her! Did anybody get that?! lol

@Sorry Tiray

Look at your own life! Is youe life great?

Yes…white’s DO divide. Do you REALLY THINK that whites care abt us SO MUCH that they would put a damning negative media hype up worldwide?

WHAT ABT THE BLACKS(ME,AND SO MANY OTHERS)THAT ARE DOING GREAT?

Believe it our not…

WHITES aren’t doing so good at the moment,.they KNOW what buttons to push,in terms of black america. AND U BOUGHT IT HOOK,LINE,AND SINKER.

Its hard,but try not to project your relationships on the total of blk america..’

blacks are doing fine!!!

think

@HEY NOW

That’s not true…

In school.white women dated broke blk men on campus! Real talk! Guess ya kinda have to be a blk man to see this!

think

@ HEY NOW…..

Let’s not digress..The article was abt why black women are single!

Let’s keep it abt blk women…Which i think are great!!

think

Double standard time, yet again.

If a successful black man says that he only wants to marry a woman that is as successful as he is, the sistas will be out in force to tell him that he is not being fair. In reverse, the sistas will say that the man must have be this, that, and the other or he can’t be considered a good mate. How is it different? Because men are ‘supposed’ to be successful and take care of a wife and the opposite is taboo.

My wife and I have been married for 15 years, both of us with a solid professional careers. But we have had to make career choices and sacrifices to stay together. If these ladies are asking to meet someone who is equally tremendously successful, they must be prepared to make some sacrifices in the name of staying together.

Dr. Drake;

I agree not to ignore what’s wrong, but many conversations about the black community is dominated by the wrongs with little to no attention given to what’s working. Obama put it correctly when he said we already have many of the answers, we’re just not listening to them (paraphrasing).

I commend all that you do for the community (not just the black community). And while our back and forth was contentious I feel we’ve come to a better appreciation of each other’s point of view.

Good night.

Lazy with Lower IQs and Confused Black Men

12/26/09, 22:43:pm

??????????? “tow the line” ??????????

Dear Non-Black person,

No, I repeat no African American would ever tell another AA to “tow the line”. Given your bad spelling I am sure you are white and grew up economically disadvantaged. Get a life.

@ WTF…

EXACTLY!

That’s what i’ve been trying to say all along..

i.e……we project our own bad experiences!

sigh*

@ Marquis de Sade:

Oh ok…By reading what everybody has had to say I think everyone has their own views on what the topic really meant…I was just responding to your comment about black women dating outside of their race.

This is seriously beating a dead horse. Folks could and will debate on this chit all day long. I think it’s very sad how the black community has gone down hill since segregation. It’s all MLK’s fault.

*DESEGREGATION I meant.

@2SWEET..

Respectfully,it’s sounds like you’re PROJECTING your own negative experiences into this thread. I know PLENTY of blk couples that are cool!

If u take care of “self” you’ll do fine!!

BLACKS ARE DOING JUST FINE!!
The blame game and the “pitty party rant is so 80′s!

THINK

Dr. Phil have said on a number of occasion that Romance & Finance go hand-in-hand as most couples argue about money (bills). Get your money right…and stress less. LOL (i.e., brothers stepping up and getting their minds and spirit right to become productive via education, etc. will help reduce the stress in relationships). I agree…a lot of them would rather become like females than to man up and tow the line. I will not go as far as saying “No Romance without Finance.” However, I will say that a decent Finance (income) in any relationship will help the Romance (by reducing unnecessary stress).

@TIRAY

I know you aren’t able to read the more than 700 responses to this post but there are a whole lot of posts from blk men stating that successful blk men don’t date blk women because blk women wouldn’t date them before they were successful so I do not digress. All day posters have said that successful blk men will not want us no matter how successful we are because they couldn’t get no play b4. That bunk tho thats all im sayin

Gotta tow the Line Fellas

Well I hope you relize this current recession/depression has put a damper on most folks financial aspirations? – That bein’ said, the unemployment amongst black men is higher than the national average to the tune of (I think) well over 20%…And when you factor in the sobering number of college educated brotha’s, who’re currently out of work, we can safely say this recesseion is the great EQUALIZER in deflating the whole college educated CASTE system.

Its6amHoGetOut,

Another thing, 42% of black women have never been married? Out of that 42% how many;

1. already have a kid/kids?
2. are fat?
3. are ugly?
4. have a nappy azz weave or braids?
5. are ghetto?
6. are stupid as f*ck and cant hold a conversation without the words “kno wa um sayin”
7. have really bad credit and are lookin’ to use yours?
8. still live with their mommas?
9. are unemployed?
10. cant cook, clean or read?

—

hahahahahahahahahahhahahaha lol

@ Gmen

Another thing, 42% of black women have never been married? Out of that 42% how many;

1. already have a kid/kids?
2. are fat?
3. are ugly?
4. have a nappy azz weave or braids?
5. are ghetto?
6. are stupid as f*ck and cant hold a conversation without the words “kno wa um sayin”
7. have really bad credit and are lookin’ to use yours?
8. still live with their mommas?
9. are unemployed?
10. cant cook, clean or read?

___________________________

All of the above probably applies to more than 42% if the BLACK MEN out there not even counting the one who are incarcerated.
Black men are the only ones expecting to get major play when they are broke. Broke White dudes don’t expect to date alot. They do what they need to do get successful then get their pick of the available white women. In other cultures such as arab and asian societies those men don’t expect to marry at all unless they got their stuff together. Black men always want us to take them as they are and hope for the best. If we have be fine, know how to cook, have no kids have a degree and job never ever have any problem that might require a blk man to exert himself at all then they best have the SH!T together also but most don’t

@ HEY NOW..

lol..If that were the case. The black community would be extinct! lol

The real world is the place “outside” the internet.

(Alot of these ppl that come on blogs,work in cubicles,and are mentally stagnate!)

When i walk outside MY door,i look at the ppl who are going places,hence i see great ppl.

I walk in postivity…hence….
When we project our OWN negative experiences into ANY subject,it becomes jaded!

blacks are doing fine.

think

@ Tiray

@ HEY NOW..

lol..If that were the case. The black community would be extinct! lol

__________________________

sometimes i wonder if we are not well on our way

These woemen sound like myself. I feel them on what they are saying and i couldn’t agree more. if some of these celebrites (female),who millions are looking up to, thought like these women, boy, America would be a better place. The Bible says “let your light be so shine that others will see your good works and glorify your Father in Heaven.” (Matt. 5-16)

Tiami

Huh?

Tiami….huh?

@ HEY NOW..

Trust me,i feel you.

There will be ppl (DAILY) THAT TRY YOUR PATIENCE!
There is a WAR going on baby! A REAL WAR. And we are fighting for our(blacks) existence!

A sure fire sigh THAT we are WINNING,is the constant heckling of black ppl,at the expense of the media..

We can only look inward for our own answers!

WE ARE ONLY AS GOOD AS THE EXAMPLE WE SET.
WE ARE ONLY AS GOOD AS THE EXAMPLE WE SET!!

THINK

I don’t think that this study was done to divide anyone, but only to wake Black America up! Maybe if we see these type of things on national t.v., we could realize what we need to do as a people to make our race better. Steve Harvey hit the nail on the head when he stated him blaming his generation for the lack of teaching to the younger generation of men. There is nothing no one should be mad about b/c these women and myself have those standards that we’ve worked too hard to just let some dead-beat take from us. Women, you cannot get mad b/c you have not set any standards, have little or no educatioin, and have settled with less or if you are a man who don’t have standards and doesn’t meet the qualifications.

Tiami…

Ya know..It’s strange.

You make it sound like,when u step ouWhen i walk outside MY door,i see blacks making moves.

MORAL:

Look for blacks that are making moves.Associate yourself with them…only

Your mind will change.

When have white ppl EVER put positive things about blks in the media? ANSWER: NEVER!

WHEN U BELIEVE RTHE HYPE,U BECOME PART OF THE BIG LIE THEORY.

think

opps..typo

I meant to say: u make it sound like,when u step outside ur door,all u see are negative blks.

When i walk outside my door,all i see are blacks making moves…be apart of those!

@ black yet not incar..

WHAT IS “swagga”?

and why is it so important?

This this a word that ppl aged.18-24 use?
What does it mean?

Well that stat was telling that only 54% of black men are available for marriage. Even more telling is that of that 54%, probably 1 out of 5 of them are gay, downlow, or in contemplation. Keeping it real we lack a male head family culture to an extent and until that is repaired it will also be that way. Also, some black women need to be more realistic with standards and stop trying to only date pro athletes, entertainers, or dope boys b/c they will be the last ones to get married if they ever do.

Swagga = slang term for “swagger”. Commonly refers to a person’s air of confidence that they project. Sometimes it refers to a man projecting an image of c.o.c.k.y.n.e.s.s or arrogance, which is some misguided females mistake for strength.

Tiray

It’s a hip hop metaphor: ATTITUDE, CONFIDENCE, MATERIAL GAINS, THUGGISH, RUGGISH, TUPAC/BIGGIE, etc. It’s what puts the tingle most sistas’ C.L.I.T.S.

@ Marquis

Oh..ok!
Hip hop. ok!

I guess young ppl have a wholeee lot to deal with . No wonder we feel like we’re going no where. We are still worried about our identity!

ok.

smh

@Tiami

This is what white media WANTS you to see! And you bought it..HOOK,LINE AND SINKER.

We as blacks ,have a tendecy to group OUR OWN negative experiences into a highly disfunctional soup!

See.(please hear this) YOU ARE THE CHANGE THAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR..NOT THE WHOLE OF BLACK PPL.IF YOU WORK ON YOU,(NOT THAT YOU HAVEN’T)YOU WON’T HAVE TIME TO SEE THE PROBLEMS WITH THE BLACK COMMUNITY THAT THE “media” says we have!

If you work on your world,YOU’LL QUICKLY SEE THE GOOD BLACK PPL! YOU’LL BE TOO BUSY be feed positivity! TRUST ME..I WAS LIKE YOU. then i worked on me!

Whenever you say we!This includes YOU!
are you the solution?

Think abt what i’ve said..interalize it!
Negativity begets the same!

@Tiami

I own a site called” blackwiz.biz .I advertise for black owned businesses! If you knew how many black owned businesses there are,you might change your mind! hundreds of thousands of us are making moves…DAILY!

lol Steve Harve is a trip. There is nothing ridiculous about a women who is a Corp Exec making $150,000 wanting a man who is the same. She may not find a Black man who is but best believe there are White, Asian and Latino men who are. NO COMPROMISE! And furthermore, Black men are not limited to the US. There are Black men all over the world. Black women travel please

Tiray-

You don’t need to tell me that. you need to be talking to someone who is negative and blaming somene else for why he/she didn’t become a success. But you are blaming the media for what is being broadcasted negatively about blacks. If black pepole would get it together, there wouldn’t need to be any broadcasts like this one. & you are right when I say “we” that’s b/c i’m an AA, but i’m not one who is living an immoral lifestyle of a black person and thinks acting a certain way rectifies being black. & your question, I am going to be the solution by not lowering my standards and settling with anything that could potentially cause me to be another black statistic of welfare, single parenting, no degree, and no career, slaving for the white man the rest of my life. I will be:

A WIFE
A MARRIED MOTHER
HAVE A SUCCESSFULL CAREER
HAVE MY MASTERS OR P.H.D.
EDUCATE MY CHILDREN

so that my decendants will not be just another statistic or black number in the population. you should think the same SIR! Good night!

@TIAMI

I so used to be like you. (Blanketing black society with negativity) There is some truth to it! Then i started looking at other cultures.And guess what? PROBLEMS.Ofcourse we have problems,but i question how old you are,because of your constant mentioning of the “black plight”.lol.
As i look at your post,i see that you haven’t even experienced enough to know that most of what you’ve stated starts with YOU.
You’re mentioning black ppl”holding it together”.We have been holding it together for 100′s of yr.s. HAVE YOUR PARENTS DONE A GOOD JOB,HOLDING IT TOGETHER FOR YOU? Ask yourself this. If the answer is yes: MY POINT HAS BEEN MADE.

Don’t look outside your own home when mentioning the i’lls of the black community.It starts with you & me

xoxo

Michelle

Your so right and this is the point that I have been trying to get across. We follow no plan at all, everything is base on looks and hip pocket knowledge. And there is no future plain. So how can we expect for black relationship to last like this.

And mostly likely the couple who wants to be together are coming form broken homes and with no strong religious beliefs.

Michelle – that all sounds wonderful on paper, but let’s remember. They play by a different game than us. They are white in America. The odds are for them. I’m not suggesting that we can’t make it as a people. We can, we do, and we will. America is geared toward white people. It works in their favor. As long as there is white supremacy, that will be the case. If you get a chance, listen to Tim Wise, a white man that will break it down to the nitty gritty.

Again, I’m not saying that blacks should not do WHATEVER is in their power to become successful. We have proven time and time again that we are; however, we have to remember that the odds are not always working in our favor. JMO.

@ Michelle

I hear you.but PLEASE..PLEASE..NEVER SAY:
This is what my WHITE colleagues do! Ewwwwww! Yuck!

Who are THEY to refer to? They are just as messed up as the next disfunctional lot,if not more!

Our answers aren’t that hard!

errrrhhhhh!

The white controlled media (including BET) wants us to believe that we are hopeless. Many in this generation do not understand that there are tons of wonderful, loving, black families, and tons of broken white families. Our way of thinking is such that we really believe white people are our savior. Again, how can many of us not believe that. We are told how worthless, disease ridden, ugly, and undesirable we are, and much of it is coming from our own people. We have enemies on all sides, yet we survive. Again, find some books on the successes of African Americans. We must change the way we think first because as long as we believe we are inferior, many of us won’t make any strides.

Thank you Michelle!

@ WORD TO THE WISE

Erggggh!
Do u REALLY think that this is a WHITE mans world? (I just threw up alittle)
They’ve sold u a bill of goods too.(But i understand.If you walk in office building’s or go downtown,all you see are CEO’s and the lot.)

BLACKS THINK THAT IT’S A WHITE MANS WORLD ,BECAUSE YOU’VE NEVER HAD THE GUTS TO CHALLENGE IT!

Moral: White man’s english 101:

advantage is taken,not given!

think

@ Word to the wise

EXACTLY!!

i’M COUNTING ON ALL THE YOUNG BLACK WOMEN AND MEN,TO CHALLENGE EVERYTHING.
‘
There is a war going on ppl.Whites are against the wall…WHen they are,they lash out..(media)

We are winning.But not if we think we aren’t

So simple!

We focus on the wrong stuff.

The fact that most men are absent from the families tells you a lot. Most women never really saw their Mothers interacted with men (fathers) and are simply clueless when it comes to relationships. What kind of advise could you take from someone (even your mother) when she could not keep a man. My mother and my father have been married for 30 years now! Even if she divorce today, I will still take all her advices. I myself have a master degree in Finance and i tend to not looking for a man to have the same education as me. As long he is intelligent, eloquent and humble, i can deal with him. I for myself dont like the so called successful black men cause they tend to be very arrogant too! They want the best looking girls which is most of the case fair skinned with long hair…. I might be wrong but this is something i experienced. In Africa, the education of women is EXTREMELY important. And when you actually decide to marry , the families of the husband give some money to the bride’s familiy (dote). But if the woman happen to be a bad wife, he can ask his money back. So its for the sake of honor. A woman is taught how to cook, how to clean, how to support her husband, how to deal with the drama etc… So when a woman can do all of that and if on top of that she is intelligent and wise, she could definitely be the best PARTNER for her man! THINK about it. I love to cook, to take care of my man and this no matter how many degree i got!

@ Christelle…

I hear you.Men are visual beings !

MEANING: you can’t look like quasimoto baby!

Especially here in LA.

I mean…Oprah is smart rich,et.al. but bruthas are like…..mmmm no!

I see a few ppl on here are saying that the solution is to date an older man. I don’t feel like that’s right b/c I honestly feel like age is a state of mind. Some men in their 40′s and 50′s still acting 21 or 22 yrs old. They at the club trying to find a woman in her early 20′s. I feel like alot of the problem is that alot of women say they’re looking for a good man…but are they really? And I ask that question b/c when a decent man approaches a woman alot of times he gets blown off. But then as soon as that thug brotha with a harem of kids and nothing but drama in his life approaches y’all, that’s who y’all fall for. Some not all women feel like just b/c a man is quiet, shy and really nice…women automatically assume he’s weak. I’m a good catch myself…I’m 32, handsome, well groomed, hard working, no kids, good job, done a little traveling (mostly b/c of the military), very caring and generous. Some women will automatically write me off b/c they’ll assume I’m “too nice.” But the thing is…sometimes it’s not that a man is “too nice”….sometimes we bark only when it’s completely necessary and not until then. And sometimes when we’re younger we’ve dealt with enough bullsh*t in previous relationships that we learn not to sweat the small stuff.

tiray
12/27/09, 03:22:am

@ WORD TO THE WISE

Erggggh!
Do u REALLY think that this is a WHITE mans world? (I just threw up alittle)
They’ve sold u a bill of goods too.(But i understand.If you walk in office building’s or go downtown,all you see are CEO’s and the lot.)

BLACKS THINK THAT IT’S A WHITE MANS WORLD ,BECAUSE YOU’VE NEVER HAD THE GUTS TO CHALLENGE IT!

Moral: White man’s english 101:

advantage is taken,not given!

think
=======================================
Yes, it is the white man’s world. Please, Tiray, tell me where it isn’t. As long as HE is in power and has control, yes it is. We don’t wake up and see ourselves in advertising; we don’t see ourselves on billboards; we don’t own any national franchises, banks, etc. We don’t hold the power. I’m not saying that we don’t make our own way. We have and will continue to, but again, it’s about power.

You can’t talk about taking advantage when white supremacy, i.e. white privilege.power and money is at the helm. Do you think that most black people don’t want to be successful?

@ tiray,
im not elitist, i like AA and i dont live in america anymore but i like my black people. Tradition is still powerful. We have almost the same plagues as you do BUT we manage to keep the family in center of our culture. Like i said, it was easy to do that because you guys are living under the power of white men’s power. Our problems are different but i agree that we can see the same pattern. Im not giving any advice as i dont feel above any AA. But given the issue at hand, african women never stay single. So at least try to understand that!

@ Christelle
I don’t think i’ve seen(one time ever) that a brutha says he doesn’t like dark skinned women.That’s something u have to work out in terms of self esteem!(i for one,know many dark skinned women who are the bomb!)

Men can be judged by our size,height,weight etc. It’s ok. This is a big world.You can find anyone for everyone.(finding anyone is hard)

To answer your questin honestly,you can never ever group blk men in one bundle and call it a day! SOME OF US LIKE FAT WOMEN.SOME DON’T

Who said looking for your mate would be easy

Problem is: We forget to bring to the table ezactly what we want from the opposite sex!

think

@ word to the wise

respectfully my brutha..you are wrong!!

We are in advertising

I own blackwiz.biz.I advertise for blackowned businesses!

Did you know that..2 napa valley wineries are black owned? (The 2 richest?)

If i took time to list what we DO own,you would cry..literally!

Problem is my brutha: we have never had the TIME to see what in this country..!

You feel it’s the whites man;s world because you have never had time to challenge.

i CHALLENGE you TO DO SO!

NFL,NBA….DEPEND ON US…BUT WE DON’T TKAE THE BULL BY THE HORNS….

LATELY YOUNG BLACKS HAVE finally started to see that..the world is for the taking!

never let some other person (who doesn’t have ur best interest at heart)determine ur destiny!!

said with luv!!

think

Tiray-

Give it up!

@ Christelle

BABY..I’M COUNTING ON AFRICA TO RISE! I’M COUNTING ON IT.

If Africa pershes,so will black america

xo

But africans have to work on a lot of things though. We cannot continue to act like victims. I feel that we are helping the white men in controlling us. But how can you expect us to run a country and to be competitite in this capitalist world when we dont control anything. When a whole economy is only based on providing coffee, bananas etc… We dont even control the quotation of our own oil, gold, diamond WTH??? THey decide the price of everything , they control us… ACTUALLY they are doing more hurt against africans than they are doing to you at this point!!

lol@ tiray,
i love your optimism, but youa re delisulional somewhat. Most oft he so call black owned compoany and not even black owned! this is just a front. Look, White people even though they dont wanna deal with us know that african americans represent a good buying power. They tell you what music you should listen by giving you rihanna and beyonce. they tell you what clothes to wear by giving roca wear or sean john who are NOT black owned. You might have some little business BUT when a black nusiness is working, you can be more than sure that they will buy YOU out! look at Softsheen and carson . It was bought by the most racist company ever L’OREAL!

hey what time is it over there 4 am?? Are you guys not sleeping. In France its already 10 am lol

opps typo:

A winner,see’s no G.L.A.S.S. ROOF!

@
tiray

12/27/09, 03:59:am

It’s in ur hands brutha!
young black america’s doing it!
we are winning!
_________________________________________________

Uh…No we’re not Bruh. Abd we won’t be winning anything until we stop thinking local and start thinking GLOBAL! We are on our way to becoming the smallest minority group in this country. The Latino population has passed us by and the Asian community in the coming years will do so as well. These are two rapidly growing minorities that we have alienated along the way and in the coming years it will come back to crush us. The ever growing Middle eastern population is continuing to expand and they to have no use for us and we still sit around groaning about the white Man who has made major inroads with ALL of these growing communities. Asians,Latinos,Indians and other Middle Eastern College students can be found hanging out with White College students on any College campus in this country,forging unions and relationships that will further down the line.While in our community,chaos and mediocrity are on the rise! If you think we’re doing fine and that Young Black America is making moves,You my Brother are in need of a MAJOR wake up call.

@ downlaw,
so if the lady was married in the state of the art and DIVORCED!
Would you still deem it as a mistake??
I mean you guys who are talking probably left a woman despite the kid you had together so how would you blame a woman for having a kid. Why men just dont get vasectomy since they dont like kids! dont expect a women to date a dude for years and not wanting to have kids. We are women for god’sake we are programmed to produce!!!forgive us for being how god intend us to be!

@ down BY LAW..

The definition of minority is NOT who has the most ppl,but who has economic power!

true that hispanics are major in the pot..
But you REALLY need to do some research into who’s doing wht in America..

Certain ppl don’t want us to know.

WE ARE THNKING GLOBALLY
And i’m not talking about music .
Black American have been veturing into West America for yr.s,and we are FINALLY beginning to make some headway.(farming,engineering et.al)
It’s easy to look at what we aren’t doing..trust me,i was the same awhile back.But to diminish the vast accomplishments of our ‘unsung’ hero’s is doing them a major disservice.
If need be,i can list you some MAJOR goings~on in the tech world,and who’s marketing a change in the GREEN JOBS in LA!

I know it’s hard..when u walk outside,and all u see are mexicans in food service etc.

Do ur research…..we are making major moves. Seek out blacks who are in that progeressive light. It’ll change how you see us as a whole!

think

Typo..opps..Majority= those who have economic power,not numbers!

@ tiray,
now please, if black people are doing so great, why the hell, most of you are in jail or dropping out of school. is it because you dont belleve in the system, the same one you claim it can create millionnaires??

@ Christelle…

Most of blacks are not in jail..Who told you this? lol!
Most blacks are IN school!
Most blacks aren’t in jail! lol..
Who’s telling you this?

@Christelle

I could easily say that Most AFRICANS have aids and smell bad,but that would be VERY WRONG..GET MY POINT?

tiray

12/27/09, 04:36:am

@ down BY LAW..

The definition of minority is NOT who has the most ppl,but who has economic power!

true that hispanics are major in the pot..
But you REALLY need to do some research into who’s doing wht in America..

Certain ppl don’t want us to know.

WE ARE THNKING GLOBALLY
And i’m not talking about music .
Black American have been veturing into West America for yr.s,and we are FINALLY beginning to make some headway.(farming,engineering et.al)
It’s easy to look at what we aren’t doing..trust me,i was the same awhile back.But to diminish the vast accomplishments of our ‘unsung’ hero’s is doing them a major disservice.
If need be,i can list you some MAJOR goings~on in the tech world,and who’s marketing a change in the GREEN JOBS in LA!

I know it’s hard..when u walk outside,and all u see are mexicans in food service etc.

Do ur research…..we are making major moves. Seek out blacks who are in that progeressive light. It’ll change how you see us as a whole!

think
_______________________________________________

The progress that you speak of in terms of our economic power is not being felt on a Global Scale. The power bases being established by the other communities i spoke of before are being felt here as well as abroad. The Republican Party is already starting to make major inroads in these communities and we are losing the chance to form stronger economic as well as social allegiances with these groups every day. I see more Latino and Asian owned businesses more and more every day as do a lot of us and i see the majority of us still consuming more than we produce. The progress that you speak of is not being felt or seen by these folks so it means little if nothing at all to them. As a people we need to expand our view and we need allies which we are losing more and more every day. Our relationship with the Latino Community is as bad as it has ever been. Our relationship with The Asian community is non-existent. Those two growing groups with both their voting as well as economic power is merging with the already established white community and we are being left behind in the dust,not just on an economic level but education and socially as well.

down by law..

I hear you.
These 2 groups never liked us sir!
(In the 40′s,the greeks told their women that blacks men had tails!) So the black hatred goes back way before Spanish,italian,MOOR rule.
THEY VOWED TO MAKE US dissapear!

I admit,that we aren’t as far along as I wou;d like,but i will never negate the progress of the unsung heroes that are doing !!
Latinos have ALWAYS tried to “get in where they fit in”.thus not being in our corner.lol

The changes that you are talking about starts with US..You and ME!bECAUSE IF we DON’T do the work,the responsibility falls on OUR heads!

I , for one,have flown to Houston Tx.,and have bought 2 rental houses,that i rent out on the lower econ. area!

I challenge us to make that move! The balls in our court!

@ tiray, i like you, would you marry me LOL

@
christelle

12/27/09, 04:51:am

@down law,
i kinda agree but for example in my country, a woman will get married by the age of 25. And she will have 2 to 3 kids by the age of 30! Now if she gets divorced, she will be a baby mama with 3 kids. Im 26 almost 27 and i’ve never been married and i dont have kids yet. I can guarantee you people of my family or culture start to look at me like the black sheep! In Africa a young woman who is not married is either a ***** or have a serious problem! i m a s suming in AMERICA, THINGS ARE DIFFERENT!
_______________________________________________

They are.A lot of people such as myself view life in several stages. Early 20′s-are a time to enjoy your freedom from parental rule.Mid to Late 20′s-getting serious about your future 30′s-Building for your financial and professional stature. 40′s -Solidifying your position on all levels. 50′s and above -securing comfort for your remaining years.
Now that just happens to be how i see it. I am still young enough to have and enjoy children,if i choose to do so and if i decide not to,then i am find with that to.I respect those who choose to have kids as well as those who choose not to. My preference at this time in my life is for a woman with no children because of the freedom it would allow us in traveling as well as other things.

@ tiray, yes that would be wrong. this is why we should never believe statistics… But still, lots of african and AA have aids. So it still RING the alarm and tells you what kind of problem should we adjust in priority! Actually, in AFRICA, MOST PEOPLE DONT DIE FROM AIDS BUT FROM PALUDISM! Did you know that??
In EUROPE, ITS CANCER!

@ down law
I agree wholehearthedly
But im guessing the history of AA (and africans which i think is related) is so hard that it will take more time for them to stop thinking in such unproductive way. Of course, its is always wiser to be a owner than a renter. But do we really have the choice. Who was the biggest looser of the housing crisis >>>> BLACK people! We cannot just make it, its like a curse LOL

this is the longest thread EVER!

I am 29. I can totally relate to these women. I am going to be honest here. Part of the reason why I have worked so hard is so I can marry a man who is educated, cultured and successful. I grow up in a household were my father paid all the bills. I would never date or marry someone who made less money than me. I just was not raised that way. It makes no sense at all to get married if you are not going to be happy. I am totally against settling. I think it only leads to divorce anyway.

I think that every women is different. No all black women are the same. I am so tired of people saying that. However facts are facts. The fact is there are not enough black men to go around. As we move up in the world there fewer that we would even have anything in common with. Than factor in the ones who refuse to date us because we have the same skin color as they do and we have a better chance of winning to lottery. Most of us will not marry a black man.

I’m happy that the majority of this discussion went on without the usual put downs and foolishness.

The truth is, sistas are single for many reasons. Some are internal, others are external.

As a successful single black woman(Attorney with my own practice). It took some self examination to understand why I am single. Initially it was because marriage was not appealing to me, truth be told. Most women I knew growing up who were married, were not happy at all. Great women, beautiful women who were great mothers. Yet they were miserable. No matter the face they put on. Their husbands were happy, but that was because they reaped all the benefits of being married.

So, I went about my dating lifee with no intention of getting married. So in my twenties, I came across good men who wanted to be married and settle down. I didn’t want it, and that was fine. But in living that way, you pick up bad habits from dealing with people who also don’t want marriage, but take it to another level. So you pick up the negative energy, and have to shed it before you can move into another realm.

The myth that it has to do with being in shape or out of shape, is just that, a myth. Fat women get married all the time. And Black men are least likely to marry someone who is “in shape”. Because a lot of brothas are out of shape themselves lol. So let’s be realistic. I have always attracted men, in all my states of being in or out of shape. Black men, white men, hispanic…didn’t matter.

As I grew into the marrying mindset, it was the guys that I was attracted to that became the problem. And they are all of those negative things LOL…Seriously. (cont’d)

I’m very disappointed and ashame of Black Women in America. Do you guys honestly believe you’re going to make it to heaven with the evil stuff that you guys are helping the white man do to Black people now in America. You guys know they want us to go back to Africa but you lie to your husbands and sons and tell them otherwise setting up for the genocide that’s coming.

I think the solution to this problem is simple. Black women need to stop limiting themselves and date out. period. This blind loyalty to black men needs to stop. It has not gotten you anywhere but, alone. There are plenty of men of other races who would date black women, in America and Overseas. There’s a whole world out there.

Stop limiting yourselves. If you don’t want to lower your standards and settle and you don’t want to be alone. CONSIDER DATING OUT. Period. That’s the only way I see.

I spoke specifically before. now I will get general and talk about the flipside.

Just as some have complained about the attitudes, physical condition and natures of black women. We must also look at those characteristics of black men that make them undesirable.

Number one…Men have forgotten the first P of being a man…Protector…
Certain black men, forget how to protect a woman. It is awesome that you are accomplished, but if you don’t know how to protect me, I want nothing to do with you. Protection, doesn’t mean fighting, but if it comes down to it, you should know how to use your hands. Just in case…. Know how to change a tire…know how to keep me out of harms way…let me feel safe with you. Take care of your sexual health. Don’t cheat, lie or steal.

The second P….Provider…It is great to have dreams, but while you have dreams, have a plan to keep yourself financially stable in the mean time. There is nothing wrong with taking a job or two on the side to maintain stability. Don’t be lazy mama’s boys… No one cares what your mama has done for you. You need to provide something for the table…You need to provide emotionally, phyiscally, spiritually, and financially. And the truth is, many of you don’t know how, and come up short. A woman neeeding you to be financially stable is not a golddigger!!! But as soon as the notion of finances come up, men like to label. If you aren’t Bill Gates, you have nothing to worry about…

Third P…Presence. You need to be present and accounted for. Stop abandoning your families and responsibilities. Stop abandoning your identity. Too often, black professional men abandon everything black related, because they feel it will advance them in their careers. There is absolutely nothing wrong with expanding your horizons or likeing other things. But when you disparage being black, a black woman who is true to who she is as a black woman, will not want you.
And stop being present in too many women’s lives…You can’t love and be dedicated to a sista when you are still present in your last relationship or in search of your next relationship. A lot of the emotional outbursts sistas have, come from how you treat them. Be mindful of that. It goes back to having bad habits.

Beyond that, black men take on the false belief that no other man wants a sista…it is merely a defense mechanism…Sistas are wanted from here to Spain…been there done that.

December 27, 2009. Black Women has sold out their husbands, boyfriends and sons to the white man. You can’t get no lower than that!! And supposely these are the decendents of the people from the Holy land? I’m sure God is very angry but the Black Women don’t care because they have no fear of God!! Their God is the white man!! Their God is Gucci!! Their God is Fendi!! Their God is Versace!! That’s all they care about.

Ok im back. LOL This is just my story, Readers are allowed to disagree. A lot of the readers have valid points indeed. It is time to get out of the box and explore other races. There’s nothing in the bible that says Black women, thou shall not date outside of your race. Trust me my eyes was open long time ago to interracial dating, and there are white men out there who loves a black woman. My cousin and co worker, married Portuguese men, from what they tell me they treat them like “Queens” LOL I said I gotta get me one LOL! Get out and explore. As for Black women who does not want to marry period, power to you and wish you all life success. Cause there’s a line from Whitney Houston, I heard and stuck with for years “I rather be alone than unhappy” I can go on and on. But I’m out Good Luck to everyone.

Here we go again…Sistahs do not be discouraged! I am a married 33 year old black woman with two children in a loving 6 year marriage. I have a BS (Engineering) and an MBA. I’m the youngest VP that my engineering consulting firm has ever had. I’m married to a slightly less successful black man who is 3 years younger than me. Before I met him, I had a list that was 103 items long. When I met him- I realized that none of those things on my list concerned me. He is all of the things that I never thought I would like, but everything that I love.

The statistics are daunting, but who cares. As long as you are open to whatever life has to throw your way, you will find what you are looking for. Before I married my husband, I dated every type of guy you could imagine (white, black, asian, hispanic,etc.) I’ve never lived under the limitations of what society says is OK for a BG. The biggest critics of BGs are other BGs. If your girlfriends have something negative to say about everything you do and every guy you date…you need to change your social cirlce. If all of your girlfriends are single…change your social circle. If all of your girlfriends are your age or younger and at the same stage in life…change your social circle. Have some variety in your life, get different perspectives on your situation, be open to meeting people that you would normally not meet, travel to differnt places, be open to relocating…In order to do sonething you’ve never done, you need to be someone you’ve never been. Trust me, people are attracted to someone who is truly enjoying their life, not just saying that they are. Men can tell when you are desperate for marriage, kids, etc. It makes them feel like they are a means to an end. I have white girlfriends who dated fierelessly and I learned to do the same thing. I love my husband, but if anything ever happened to us, I truly feel that I would land squarely back on my feet. God can’t work through you if you operate in fear.

all these fake azz b-itches just not want brothers be-coz if they would like that, they always would find the good black men!

These women (black women) need to start dating out of their race. They can still keep all of their standards, and a white man is more likely to fit them than a black man will. That’s what I did, and I am extremely happy. All of these women are waiting for that “black man” to marry, and most black men are just not wanting to settle down with them.

oki this is not to contribute to the stereotype of the angry black woman. i just found it so funny!

@Tunie 1
Lastly, a lot of the successful black men are with white women!
——————-
This is the main dilemma for successful black women. Yes, we could date outside of our race but for most that is lowering their desire/standard. I don’t have anything against men outside of my race, I just don’t want to marry outside of my race. Does that make it wrong NO. Will it be hard to find a man I desire, YES!

WORDTOTHEWISE~~~` iM SORRY BUT ON MY LIST MIJDC IS THE BIGGEST LAME ON HERE, MAYBE YOU LIKE HIM BUT I DONT, HE CAME AT ME AND THEN I HAD TO LEAVE ONE DAY AND WHEN I CAME BACK I READ WERE HE SAID “QUOTE’ ” IM GLAD THE HO IS GONE” NOW I WILL NEVER FORGET THAT BECAUSE IM NOT A HO, WHY DO I HAVE TO BE A HO AND THE Mn doesnt even know me! plus i have seen him arguing with woman and i also saying back mess about black women , so you like him if you want but he tops my list …….him and that Sanjor person and that Choco person!

i mean african queen

Good-morning to all.

Hello: Rose By Any Other, Made In NY, WordToTheWise, Black Yet Never Incarcerated and Deesac.

I am in total agreement with Made In NY and WTF regarding men and protection of his family. Those are the same sentiments and/or views that I too, share. Clearly, you all understood that IN NO WAY one is promoting random fighting and/or violence, but protection in general. As you stated Made In NY crazy people are EVERYWHERE. However, I do feel that the ultimate protection is the covering of Jesus.

In my final conclusion I do not think anyone should lower HIS or HER expectations when it comes to a potential spouse regardless of their race or gender, HOWEVER these expectations should be REALISTIC not unrealistic, because NO ONE is perfect. If a person comes into a relationship with a list that is almost impossible to either gain or maintain then the relationship is doomed to be built on “sandy” foundation.

There are plenty of men and women who do not have a degree, but are hard-workers (often worked their way of the corporate ladder)but are God-fearing (which is a must for me), caring and who just have morals and values that a degree does not provide. I also understand those who prefer to date a person with a degree since they have obtained their own. It comes down to preference. However, one not having a degree should not prevent him or her from being unworthy of love and marriage. I do celebrate the advancing of ones education, especially since I came from a two parent home with college educated parents and I, myself, am attending my last semester at my university.

There are married African American couples who are really making it work in ALL aspects that I hope to see more often rather than the negative. I understand about addressing issues, but it seems that the good are often overlooked.

The reason that 42% of black women have never been married is for one reason and one reason only. They DON’T want to be.

If a woman decids that being married is for her, then she’ll get married. Most women get asked at least once or twice in her life, so it’s not as though they’ve never been asked.

A lot of women have decided that it’s not for them for whatever reason.

There’s nothing wrong with black women or black men. Not everyone needs or wants to be married.

@DC

This panel was ridiculous. First you have a woman stating that she does not want to “settle”—that is “settle for someone under 6 foot 5″. Wow. That really shrinks that 54% down to less than 5% of the population. And she had the audacity to say she decided to maybe move the height standard down to 6 foot 4, and then 6 foot 2. Wow. Now we’re talking about 6% of the population.
===============================================

Actually, the statistics for tall black men are much lower.

In the U.S., only 14.5% of ALL men are over 6 feet tall. If a woman is looking for a BLACK MAN over 6 feet tall, she should know that only 1% out of that 14.5%. In other words, only 1/10th of 1% of U.S. black males are over 6 feet tall. Out of that 1/10th of 1%, you have to subtract married, gay, incarcerated, under-educated, under-employed, and those who are undesirable as marriage partners for a myriad of other reasons. I hope you can see that the black professional woman who is holding out for someone over 6 feet has an extremely small pool of men to choose from!!! Good luck with that!!!

As you said:

6 foot 5, really?

“Most women get asked at least once or twice in her life, so it’s not as though they’ve never been asked.”-Old Timer

Very true.

Its that time, but I wish EVERYONE a safe and blessed HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!! and for those who had a rough 2009 know the God will make 2010 a year of rejoicing. God Bless everyone!!!

*exit*

@black yet never incarcerated

I agree, that is ridiculous LOL
So you see, no matter how educated you can be, you still can be DUMB! LOL

Old Timer

Ahhh, the voice of sanity. I 100% co-sign on that one. Marriage is for people who wants to be married. As I typed earlier, these chicks are single for a reason. There isn’t a dearth of eligible black men, but a dearth of non-wifey material sistas and a plethora of enlightened folks who realize that marriage is for the terminally CO-DEPENDENT.

Initally, this story was tremendously discouraging. I am an engineering major and math is what speaks to me. When I hear the stats on black woman and black men, I was thinking its over, numbers dont lie, call it quits. However, I will say that it has been incredibly encouraging to hear the different perspectives from some really intelligtent posts on here. I’m 30, no kids, an engineer, and I’m with someone who makes 1/3 of my income, seems to not even want to marry but wants to hold on to me(7 year relationship), and uninterested in doing much in life but he is a good person it seems and holds some kind of job. I’m not sure if this is a catch or not but I do feel like I am settling but I havent figured out what to do. I am sooo much more attracted to black men but statisticallly, it might not happen.

@ Ms. EJ

Those men who are hardworking with little education are meant for the black women who are at their level. It is hard trying to communicate in a relationship with someone who is not on your level. The Bible also speak of unequal yoke. Hooking people who are not spiritually balanced, etc. together will not work. This article is about the Plight of Successful Black Women finding worthwhile Black men of equal status. We do not need to dumb ourselves down. This only reinforces the stereotype of black men having low IQs, lazy, etc. We need more of our black men to rise up and make something of themselves instead of shucking-and-jiving, thuggin’, druggin’ and wasting in school. They have risen up to compete with other men across the world because that negative behavior growing up and wasting time in school with pipe dreams. Black men in the U.S. need to take lessons from the Nigerian men who are serious about becoming real leaders who aren’t afraid of getting a good education and making something of themselves. Why do some black men insist on being at the bottom of the totem pole, instead of becoming strong black warriors (leaders) like Obama, Denzel, Will Smith, doctors, lawyers, engineers, to name a few? This is how you get respect young black men, take note! (Most people in the world have low expectation of black men…your view only reinforces that black men are less of a man and that we black women need to dumb ourselves in some way…it make no sense. It is time for more black men to rise up and be real men who are worthwhile and desirable like other men across the planet. Women from other races do not have to dumb themselves to find a suitable mate. Why should black women? This has to do with self-esteem. Where is your pride?)

why most of you equal intelligence to DEGREES?? Tht’s dumb of you, im serious. i have a Master degree in Finance, but ive already met people who know MORE than i will ever know because they read, they travel, they know a lot and they are just interesting people! Most people we met at school were not that interesting. otherwise, most of you will already be married by now dont front! THis is stupid. Another thing, I know a lot of self made men that makes more money than i will probably ever make and they dont have a master degree. They just decide that they did not want to work for no company and creating their own business! In AMERICA especially, there are lots of self made men (im not talking about the street hustlers). It is very arrogant to think that he needs a degree. Well, if your WAY of success is a degree then FINE, but its not everybody else way. Matter of fact, those who are working for companies are more likely to loose their jobs or get fired when they make mistakes or during bad economy times.
Oh well. Seriously, I personnally dont find myself better because of my degree and I dont care about my man having one or not. As long as we are on the same page, he is ambitious and he is willing to learn what he needs to success his life then im GOOD! I know a guy that havs a engineering degree and he decided to go to the circus. He wanted to be a clown, he loves that! He is way happier even though he dont make 100 000 a year. I for myself was working on a company as a financial controller and i dismissed. I was getting so bored. That is not for me! I decided to work on my own business. Am i wrong, who knows. Money and degree is not everything. Matter of fact i always wanted to do history classes but i choose finance to make money. I felt like i wasted my time now!

We need more Worthwhile Black Men- I have absolutely no idea or clue as to how you came to the conclusion (neither do I care to exhaust such energy to understand how and I state that with no ill will or attitude whatsoever, because I always come and speak in peace) that you have regarding my comment. No idea. I am fully knowledgeable of the good book word meaning the Bible. I support those who are smart and who work there way up the corporate ladder, and those who have a degree as well. People seem to interpret and pick and choose what he or she wants to read and its sad that most seem to thrive off of negativity which I will not partake in. My father (RIP DADDY)was a great man. All that I am saying is that JUST BECAUSE ONE DOES NOT HAVE A DEGREE DOES NOT MEAN THAT HE OR SHE IS UNWORTHY OF BEING LOVED AND MARRIED. JUST BECAUSE ONE HAS A DEGREE DOES NOT MAKE YOU, ME OR ANYONE ELSE INFERIOR OR SUPERIOR, plain, and simple. I have no clue on how you even came to even think that I was promoting one to dumb themselves down. I am not into back and forth, therefore I will just express my thoughts to your comment as you expressed your thoughts to mines. I do not try to force one to agree or disagree with me. God bless.

Every Black Woman that wants a good Black Man isn’t deserving of one.

Just because you want something does not mean that you should have it.

If you want an educated black man then you should be an educated black woman.

If you want a physically fit black man then you be a physically fit black woman.

If you want a successful black man then you be a successful black woman.

What I am seeing over and over again are black women who don’t have themselves together but want black men to be perfect.

Thats not fair. You don’t get something for nothing.

You want good man then you be a good woman.

You all are of that TYLER PERRY school of thinking. Where no matter what you look like, how immature you act, no matter what your bad habits are, no matter how horrible your attitude or how unhealthy your lifestyle…. You still think that you deserve a perfect man.

You have to be some one worth being with too.

I’m not talking about all black women just the ones who fir the description above… But the guilty will holler,

You people really need to start knowing people for who they are. I for myself NEVER finds my school mates that interesting. Most of them think they were the best thing and were very arrogant. I hate arrogant people! Your degree does not define you or is an indication that you are a good person. A man with a degree will still cheat or beat you or whatever. Money dont make you happier. Look at all those women, besides the fact that they speak eloquently, they are still wining because of the lack of men! You guys need ot humble down a little or you will stay ALONE all your life. Even white men dont want to deal with no arrogant women either. My ex was a steward, he was a good man, nice and has traveled so much that everytine he was telling me his stories, i felt like i was traveling too! Any man could make you happy! A man could and will still be a man if you let him be a man. But the problem is that money come with power so if a woman make more money than you, she will let you know and end up ALONE cause men dont like to be lowered like that. I will say, GET your money and do like Madonna, find you a tom boy then…

@MADE IN NY- *waves hello* I am not sure if you read previous comment regarding you, but *high five* to you. Many things you have commented on have been so right on, girl. I have been proposed to three times, however during the engagement period I noticed a change that made me take a step-back. I heard how some change once they get married, but for me it started once I became engaged.

I personnally want a nice life. I dont care about driving a BMV or living in Beverly hills, I want a husband, a good salary, kids and just having fun with them and be happy. I seriously dont want to spend all my damn life at work not enjoying my life. Because, you guys should actually know that being on the top of the corporate ladder WONT allow you to actually be available for your MAN! It will be worse if your man is also working 15 hours a day? I did that. GOD, its not for me. I was working from 8 to almost 10. I was tired to cook or to do anything like that! I want To enjoy my life…

@MADE IN NY- Exactly. It makes no sense. That is the main problem with many people is the need to tear other’s down, to act as if he or she is better, because he or she has this or that. I WILL NEVER base my happiness off of materialistic things, because when it comes time for ALL of us to meet our maker those things will not matter. Yes, it is nice to have nice things, but I rather have a person who loves God, who has a good heart, supportive, loving and a hard-worker degree or non-degree vs one with a degree who is cruel, mean, arrogant and condescending.

@CHRISTELL- Many assume that if a person is college educated that he or she will treat you right, strictly based off the fact that they have a degree. My ex was a math and science tutor (we met in college) he also was a civil engineer major, in addition, he also played football too. However, he turned out to be the most violent man. He was not a thug nor was he raised up in the hood. This man has a degree, a top notch job, but has mental issues in conjunction with violent tendencies that required me to have a order of protection.

@BLACK YET NEVER INCARCERATED- *waves hello* I am not sure if you got my comment awhile back, but I wanted to tell you thank you so much for help with my computer. Since I have downloaded the BitDefender my computer has officially went back to its great, fast-speed working self. Thank you. I enjoyed our e-interactions with you online and I would like to ask you if you have given any thought to that maybe it is not just their height that is causing them to have problems in dating women? I think it has to be more than just height. I’ve dated tall men, average height men and short. If a man is a good man he is a good man.

We need more Worthwhile Black Men

I tell ya’, the fine pursuit of college degrees has definitely created a serious CASTE SYSTEM. Now we have a large portion of college educated sistas’ comin’ out of these universities with the preconceived notion of Prince Charming and the proverbial HAPPILY EVER AFTER that comes along with it. These elitist b.i.t.c.h.e.s. will have ta’ learn there’s big difference between “WANT” & “ENTITLED”.

@ Ms. EJ *cheesing and waving mad hard as usual*

Thanks for what you wrote earlier and hi-five to you too. I mostly agree with everything you say also, sometimes I’m like “Girl, get outta my head . . . right now” LoL.

Good for you for making an exit before it was too late. A marriage is more than a ring. It’s always best to note the signs and make wise choices.

I know a woman who says she had a dream the night before she was supposed to get married – the dream basically warned her not to do it because she would be making a huge mistake. She married him the next day anyway.

Years later she regretted the fact that she didn’t listen to the warnings in her dreams because her husband treated her like pure crap in more ways than one. She went through so much hurt and pain because she didn’t follow God speaking to her.

@MADE IN NY- Right on and since God is apart of my life, especially the union of marriage I will always include and acknowledge him in ALL things. I do my best to not lean to my own understanding and to ask God to direct my steps. I also understand that God will allow certain things to happen to test our faith in him, but that he also gives us warnings. When I no longer was “baby in Christ” and grew mature in his word I begin to really take heed to warnings that often time came in dreams. I too, had a warning dream when it came to my former fiance that I did not take heed to which would have prevented much heartache, but you live and you learn.

Toussaint Beaupre

‘Every Black Woman that wants a good Black Man isn’t deserving of one.’

So, is every black man that wants a good black woman deserving of one?

‘If you want an educated black man then you should be an educated black woman.’

Actually, there are more educated black women than black men. I’m a brotha, and I’m cognizant of this.

I could continue with rejoinders, but I fail to see the point. It’s not healthy, it only leaves room for stereotypes to ensue that are already internalized.

‘What I am seeing over and over again are black women who don’t have themselves together but want black men to be perfect.’

Where are you finding these black women? If you’re looking for a potential partner, maybe you should frequent places where professional and exceptional women dwell.

For every black women who fits the standard of white America, I can find as many or more black men who exhibit condemnable character, and fit the image of mental stereotypes.

Your argument is pointless.

Marquis

‘Well, Film has too, cuz he’s dating Sydney’

Really? Where’s your proof, and why do you care? LOL. .

“This internalized mentality will only incite hostility, and the ongoing cycle shall travel onward.”-Film

Hello Film…and I 100% agree…that is why I am so taken aback by such hostility. I remember a study that previewed on 20/20 Dateline discussing people with road rage. The study found that those who had such rage were having many other issues going on at home, work and financially. The people felt as if he or she had no control, therefore lashed out on other’s. My point is that I understand one being passionate about a topic in a mature non-attacking way, however it is another thing to just use a forum to release misplaced anger.

And why are people on here always trying to down play education.

Obviously the lack of education has caused nothing but terror in the black community with these dumb thugs & dumb women, having dumb babies that turn 13 and have more dumb babies that grow up and rob, shoot, sell drugs and kill people.

Education is the key to the future and all these dummies on here telling you that its okay to be dumb like them, are just being foolish.

If you are an Eagle don’t hang around with chickens, because chickens can’t fly and they don’t want you to fly either.

reading the bible is not a substitute for getting an education.

@FILM- 12/27/09, 14:11:pm- The voice of reason and I wholeheartedly agree. I continue to admire your stance on looking at the positive flip side of things.

@MADE IN NY- “Exactly. It makes no sense. That is the main problem with many people is the need to tear other’s down, to act as if he or she is better, because he or she has this or that. I WILL NEVER base my happiness off of materialistic things, because when it comes time for ALL of us to meet our maker those things will not matter. Yes, it is nice to have nice things, but I rather have a person who loves God, who has a good heart, supportive, loving and a hard-worker degree or non-degree vs one with a degree who is cruel, mean, arrogant and condescending.” – Ms. EJ
_______________________________________________

I co-sign with your statement to the fullest. When you’re dead and gone, all the material possessions will be left behind, so what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his own soul?

We all need money and nice things are great too, but in the end it will never make one happy. And I think the sooner people realize this, the better off they’ll be.

That doesn’t mean one shouldn’t strive the reach their highest potential, it just means we need to keep things in perspective. Prioritize our lives.

As for having “a person who loves God, who has a good heart, supportive, loving and a hard-worker degree or non-degree vs one with a degree who is cruel, mean, arrogant and condescending”, you hit the nail on the head. Arrogance DOES NOT make a man attractive in no way, shape, or form. I don’t care how educated, how fine, how financially stable a man is, arrogance will stop me dead in my tracks, I will not pass go, I will not collect $200.

Every Black Woman that wants a good Black Man isn’t deserving of one.

You want good man then you be a good woman.

You all are of that TYLER PERRY school of thinking. Where no matter what you look like, how immature you act, no matter what your bad habits are, no matter how horrible your attitude or how unhealthy your lifestyle…. You still think that you deserve a perfect man.

You have to be some one worth being with too.
_________________________________________

@Toussaint Beaupre

LMAO & THANK YOU!!!

But you can’t tell them nothing though ’cause they act like they’re sh*t don’t stink…

“reading the bible is not a substitute for getting an education.”- Toussaint Beaupre

No one EVER made such a statement, however having a degree will not get you into the gates of Heaven. I will always be for education as I stated earlier I came from a two parent home (marriage) where both of my parents (RIP DADDY) were college educated. I am also only one semester away from earning my degree, but I also understand that it will be a blessing from God when I do walk across that stage.

@MADE IN NY- 100% agree (your reply to my comment). Very well stated.

rose by any other name # 9304026339482056536 ™
12/27/09, 11:07:am

WORDTOTHEWISE~~~` iM SORRY BUT ON MY LIST MIJDC IS THE BIGGEST LAME ON HERE, MAYBE YOU LIKE HIM BUT I DONT, HE CAME AT ME AND THEN I HAD TO LEAVE ONE DAY AND WHEN I CAME BACK I READ WERE HE SAID “QUOTE’ ” IM GLAD THE HO IS GONE” NOW I WILL NEVER FORGET THAT BECAUSE IM NOT A HO, WHY DO I HAVE TO BE A HO AND THE Mn doesnt even know me! plus i have seen him arguing with woman and i also saying back mess about black women , so you like him if you want but he tops my list …….him and that Sanjor person and that Choco person!
==========================================
@Rose – hey there girl! No ma’am. He was not on my list. Someone else put him there. I’ve never liked his comments at all. Girl, please.

@MS.EJ

Every day is a blessing from God. Every step forward and every idea the fosters love and improvement is a blessing from God.

No one ever said and education will get you into heaven.

But it just seems out of place to keep thumping the bible as if that some how gives your statements more credit or protects you from people disagreeing with you.

I believe in God too. But that has nothing to do with this rooms topic of discussion.

@Made in NY and Film

You know the funny thing about reading is that… it helps you understand.

You see the topic of is about black women, Reread It if you need to or just in case you missed it.

Because the topic is about black women you shouldn’t be so surprised that I am speaking about black women.

If the topic was addressing black men I would address that. there are plenty of things that brothers need to to do to step up and be better. But again thats not the room topic.

but i have noticed that it is a bad habit of some of the women in this room to ignore the fact that the topic is concerning them and try to flip the conversation to being about black men, just so they don’t have to hear whats wrong with their side.

But please don’t ask me why i am responding to the rooms posted topic thats ridiculous.

Toussaint Beaupre- I’ve only encountered two different people who have replied in disagreement with my opinion, therefore there is no “thumping the Bible with everyone who disagrees with you”. You were the one that made that statement regarding the Bible and education.

I will never allow ANYONE not you ANYONE to try to stop or prevent me from mentioning the teachings and/or sayings of the Bible. In the word it reads “in ALL your ways ACKNOWLEDGE HIM” and I will continue to do so. Also, no one including myself is not “thumping” the Bible which I feel is a disrespectful term towards the referencing the good book. We will just agree to disagree.

@christelle

Nice to meet you sweet heart you sound wonderful, and yes I agree with the loss of femininity in some, not all of our women.

@FILM- Right on! I am the same way and will never let anyone dictate my beliefs and/or thinking as well.

@MADE IN NY- “Right on and since God is apart of my life, especially the union of marriage I will always include and acknowledge him in ALL things. I do my best to not lean to my own understanding and to ask God to direct my steps. I also understand that God will allow certain things to happen to test our faith in him, but that he also gives us warnings. When I no longer was “baby in Christ” and grew mature in his word I begin to really take heed to warnings that often time came in dreams. I too, had a warning dream when it came to my former fiance that I did not take heed to which would have prevented much heartache, but you live and you learn.” – Ms. EJ
_______________________________________________

Yes, God must be the head of a marriage and I don’t see any other way it can work.

Everyone does not believe in God – I get that. But it kills me when people try to downplay what your faith and make you seem dumb for believing in a God they don’t believe in.

I say, don’t worry about my relationship with God. Worry about your own soul and making sure it ends up in the right place once this life is over.

I’m not saying I’m perfect (very far from it actually), but I lean on God for knowledge also and try to apply His words to my life too. If His word tells us to love, be wise, respect yourself and others, guard your heart, help people, etc., how is that harmful to anyone? If more people did those things this world would be a better place and no one can deny that.

“CHARACTER. They see the external qualities, i.e. looks, money, what kind of car the man drives, etc., but fail to see what kind of mate he will potentially be.” WordtotheWise

“You were talking about having God as your foundation first and building from there based on His qualifications. AMEN, sister! Mankind is so limited in his scope, but God knows the essence of a persons heart and soul, so, I know for a fact, that if wait on His best, the best will surely come. I don’t care who poo poo’s it, disputes it, or whatever.” -Wordtothewise
———————————————–
I could not agree more.

@Film – hey there, sir! How are ya doing? Good to have your input here today.

@MADE.IN.NY
12/27/09, 14:16:pm

I cosign your cosign to Ms. EJ. What else can be said?

@EJ

Listen, I am a Christian. And I in now way meant or mean you any disrespect, concerning religion.

If you try to hear my side, you will see that i am not being negative towards you at all. I just simply think that the minute people start hiding behind the bible, not that thats what you are doing, it makes it difficult to come to any intellectual understanding. I have read some of your post. And I have found some of them to be very thoughtful and quite knowledgeable. I think that your arguments are good enough to stand alone, and to be defended with information. I hope your understand what I am saying. But if being upset is more comfortable, then i understand.

Why are so many on this thread racist? Let me explain. We as black people have fought long and hard to dispell the racists attitudes that plaque our nation and world. Yet, many here are exhibiting that same behavior by their hateful, spiteful, ignorant, generalization. I’ll either wager to think you are not black and posing as someone black, or you are a racist. Am I wrong?

Anyone care to explain this phenomenon for me?

“But it kills me when people try to downplay what your faith and make you seem dumb for believing in a God they don’t believe in.”-MADE IN NY

100% agree. I co-sign that entire comment.

There is nothing wrong with having faith.

One should live by faith. But its just poor judgment to think that faith with out works will yield you anything. And the bible says so.

I feel just the way you feel when people down play education.

Spirituality and education can exist together.

Toussaint Beaupre

I was wondering when you’d respond.

‘Because the topic is about black women you shouldn’t be so surprised that I am speaking about black women.’

I know what the topic addresses. What surprises me is your approach and ignorant mindset (which is filled with stereotypes) about the discussion.

Well, considering these women are single, and looking for black men as potential partners, that alone involves us as apart of the discourse.

‘there are plenty of things that brothers need to to do to step up and be better.’

You seem to be so conversant about the state of black women in America. Enucleate for me as to what areas we brothers need to improve in. Or, are are we just without defect or blemish?

‘but i have noticed that it is a bad habit of some of the women in this room to ignore the fact that the topic is concerning them and try to flip the conversation to being about black men, just so they don’t have to hear whats wrong with their side.’

If you could comprehend, you’d know that I’m not a woman. I’ve already clearly stated that with no multi-syllabic words included in my thoughts.

You’ve listed and basically classified almost all black women according to images depicted often by mainstream media. Give me a list of what positive characteristics they exhibit.

Whats with all this goddamn God sh*t? Everybody knows heathenism is the way to go. Now lets get back to why colored women aint getting married.

Toussaint Beaupre- I will state again that I will always acknowledge him in ALL things. If it was not for God I would not have a mind to even be intellectual which I feel is balanced equally with my spiritual insight. I have no idea how one mentioning and/or referencing the Bible with non-spiritual information per se is “hiding behind the Bible”. I understand this is not what you are stating about me “directly”, but “indirectly” yes, however, that is fine. The only time I ever take offense is when someone tries to tell me to basically “shut up” about God other than that I continue to be a gentle spirit. In addition, the statement regarding “if you being more comfortable upset…” was not necessary, and please do not be sly and try to put me into a category of a woman who is “angry”. It is called being offended which happens to ALL of us. Again, lets just agree to disagree

All,

I stick with my statement.

“The reason that 42% of black women have never been married is for one reason and one reason only. They DON’T want to be.” They don’t CHOOSE to be

Many black women use it as an excuse. It’s kinda like saying…..”I’m too good to be married and there’s no one out there that is worthy of me.”

Also, conversely, by saying that successful black men only want to date white women, they’re saying that most black men don’t want them and they would rather do without. That’s nonsense.

There is no shortage of decent, hard-working, smart, funny and loving men and women. They’re everywhere. If you want to find a person who loves you and you want to build a life together, that person is out there.

An apt analogy would be a college recruiter was complaining that he couldn’t find any academically qualified black students for a private college.

I asked the recruiter how did he find a whole basketball and half a football team of young black players? He said that they were out there, you just needed to know where to look. He used coaches, referrals, bonuses and etc.

I told him the same was true for looking for academically qualified black students. You have to know where to look.

long-lasting effects. TYPO

WordtotheWise

What’s going on, Word?

To all the black men in this thread. . .

Give me a list of what positive characteristics black women exhibit. I mean, every stereotype has already been listed.

Film
12/27/09, 14:11:pm

Toussaint Beaupre

‘Every Black Woman that wants a good Black Man isn’t deserving of one.’

So, is every black man that wants a good black woman deserving of one?

‘If you want an educated black man then you should be an educated black woman.’

Actually, there are more educated black women than black men. I’m a brotha, and I’m cognizant of this.

I could continue with rejoinders, but I fail to see the point. It’s not healthy, it only leaves room for stereotypes to ensue that are already internalized.

‘What I am seeing over and over again are black women who don’t have themselves together but want black men to be perfect.’

Where are you finding these black women? If you’re looking for a potential partner, maybe you should frequent places where professional and exceptional women dwell.

For every black women who fits the standard of white America, I can find as many or more black men who exhibit condemnable character, and fit the image of mental stereotypes.

Your argument is pointless.

Marquis

‘Well, Film has too, cuz he’s dating Sydney’

Really? Where’s your proof, and why do you care? LOL. .
============================================
Film, I don’t even know what to say, brother. No one can dispute (they’ll surely try) your comments. You are something else, brother!

Made in NY

Asked for Myths about black men:

Even though this isn’t the topic of discussion I will indulge by answering.

MYTHS ABOUT BLACK MEN. (Do not address me as if this is my discussion because it was not, i am simply responding to a request of randomness)

1. Black men are morally and intellectually inferior.
This myth is the foundation on which all other myths about black men
are built. This myth states that black men are thugs and brutes,
that we are inherently violent and unintelligent.

2. All black men are well-endowed and are better lovers.
This myth was invented by white supremacists to promote and justify
the domination and oppression of black men. What this myth really
says is that black men are sexual primitives who possess the
sexuality of beasts.

3.Black men prefer white women.
This myth as far as I am concerned is just plain nonsense. It states
that black men will run over black women to get to white women. The
fact is only about 5% of married black men in the U.S. are married
to white women or women of other races other than black.

4. Black men are irresponsible fathers.
There are those who like to point to the fact that the majority of
black children being born to single mothers is proof that black men
do not care about their children. Well then, how is it that white
women are the fastest growing group of those having babies out of
wedlock? Is it that white men no longer care about their children?

5. Black men are superior athletes and entertainers.
It’s okay for black men to excel in sports since we are brutes
anyway right? That is what the racists say. Black men have come to
excel in sports and entertainment because for a long time those were
the only areas of achievement that we were allowed to enter. Black
men could have easily excelled in sciences, economics, etc. if we
were given equal access.

6. Black men are poor businessmen.
Many, including blacks, still believe that black men have no
business sense. One only has to look at the number of successful
black businesses in order to put this myth to rest.

7. Black men contributed nothing to the advancement of civilization.
The ancient Egyptians who built the great pyramids and founded one
of the earliest and grandest of all civilizations were BLACK.

refresh

“Spirituality and education can exist together.” – Toussaint Beaupre
_______________________________________________

Who said it couldn’t?

I know a VP of a major corporation who is a very dedicated Christian and has been for years. She’s educated, wealthy, drives a fierce car, owns a large home, shops at the best stores and she still worships God faithfully.

I also know an African woman who works for the U.N. She’s a very educated doctor (who is married with children by the way) who unashamedly lives for Christ. I’ve volunteered and raised money for her AIDS foundation and have seen over time that she is just as sweet as she is strong and she doesn’t hit you over the head with her education and position in life because she knows God is at the head of all that.

You men need to get out more. There are Christian women out there who are not these stereotypes you keep trying to stuff down our throats.

@FILM- I rest my case, officially. I am also very grateful for such a positive, fair and balanced brutha such as you. *nods head in agreement with your comments*

@MADE IN NY- It goes back to how many people have the “I” mentality meaning “I” did this or “I” did that without giving credit to God who blesses us to wake up in our right mind. It amazes me how many put: a car, a degree, a house, a fraternity and/sorority before God when if it wasn’t for God they would not have those things, but yet want you to “hush up” about God. IMO it is scary at the hostility towards the mentioning of the name God, but everything else is good to go?!!!

Old Timer

‘There is no shortage of decent, hard-working, smart, funny and loving men and women. They’re everywhere. If you want to find a person who loves you and you want to build a life together, that person is out there.’

Agreed.

@Film,

I am not sure what you do or who you perceive yourself to be but consider this I have not directly insulted you once but you have on several occasions refereed to my level of intelligence. You are more than welcome to disagree with me, and thats fine but you can cut the personal judgments because you have no idea who I am or what I do. My credentials sit at the very top of most African American males in this country. My BA, MBA and six figure salary, should stand as examples to you that i am not a child and most definitely not any child of yours.

You don’t hand out to do lists to other grown men as you are doing to me. I am all up for discussing anything you would like to discuss but your failed attempts to discredit anything that i have said using your pseudo-intellectual examples of reversing my statements. Which is a childish way of arguing. Instead of moving forward with your own points or addressing the points being made you childishly ask another question and think that that somehow makes you sound smart.

It doesn’t. I am all up for an intellectual discussion of ideas but at least have the common decency to argue like a man instead of espousing didactic points just to get a reaction,or pretending to be the man that just happens to agree with all the women. Perhaps that strokes your ego. But I would rather you just make a point of your own.

Assume nothing of my knowledge of history, if you have a question, ask. If not keep the childish rhetoric to yourself. Or better yet find some one else on whom it may be more effective.

I think the biggest misconception is about what most people think marriage is. A lot of things that people focus on are things that are NOT really important in a marriage.

You know the traits that makes someone good at one thing makes them bad at another. What makes a person a good employee can also makes that person a bad parent or a bad spouse.

A person who has a successful career won’t necessarily be a person who will devote a lot of nurturing or family time.

More focus on love, kindness and loyalty and less on height, money and success.

Married for over three decades to the same man and can still laugh about it.

I need to go tell my husbandto turn his Jimi Hendrix down, I believe that man has gone stone deaf. LOL!!

“You are more than welcome to disagree with me, and thats fine but you can cut the personal judgments”- Toussaint Beaupre

I state this without any rancor, but the same request you are asking from Film is the same I ask of you. The same emotion and/or thought you feel that was directed towards you from Film is the exact same “personal judgement’s” you placed upon me. Treat other’s how you would like to be treated.

@MADE.IN.NY
12/27/09, 14:16:pm

“I cosign your cosign to Ms. EJ. What else can be said?” – WordtotheWise
_________________________________________________

Thank you I co-sign many of your comments too. I don’t know what else can be said. 900+ comments? I think we’re all running out of ways to say it.

@ Toussaint Beaupre: Email me directly; I like what you have to say. I am of the opinion that this whole “discussion” has turned sideways and is beyond ridiculous — personal attacks, questioning each others intelligence, etc…
I am single, hold a BA and 2 MA’s, live in California, been all over the world {save for Africa} and am looking to settle down with a brotha who is equally as ambitious and adventurous.

It’s been good everyone….

I am out for real this time, LOL. I have many great things to do and look forward to bringing in the New Year!!!! Happy New Year!!!!!!!!!!!

Bye: MADE IN NY, WORDTOTHEWISE, FILM, and to ALL

*final exit*

i have noticed that it is a bad habit of some of the women in this room to ignore the fact that the topic is concerning them and try to flip the conversation to being about black men, just so they don’t have to hear whats wrong with their side.

But please don’t ask me why i am responding to the rooms posted topic thats ridiculous.
________________________________________

@ Toussaint Beaupre

LMAO!!!

They do it everytime… SMMFH

Word to the wise

I am not attacking anyone, I am simply saying what I think. Just like you all are. I address people just as I am addressed.

You all feel like its a crime if someone thinks differently or disagrees with you.

Or you take one statement and make it into a bigger issue than it is. I give on the point being made to Ms.EJ I have clearly stated my position was one of understanding and not attack or negativity. But still people want to play the hero role. Its a Blog for God’s sake. Everyone doesnt think like you and you don’t win a prize for fighting some one else’s battle.

Ms.EJ I apologize.

Yet it seems like that doesnt matter as long as one can continue to build and argument to distract away from the issue.

DOES ANY ONE WANT TO ADDRESS THE TOPIC OF THE ROOM ANYMORE?

Marquis de Sade

There’s no such thing as a true 50/50 relationship.
___________________________

LMAO!! That is so true.

My husband and I always say that with marriage if you’re lucky, you get a 10 and a 90. Most of the time, it’s more like a 2 and a 98.

@lovett250

Hey Baby girl,

I am in California, also. How can I email you directly?

Bye Ms. EJ! I’m about to follow soon, can’t see myself making it to 1,000 comments. LoL

“@FILM- I rest my case, officially. I am also very grateful for such a positive, fair and balanced brutha such as you. *nods head in agreement with your comments”
_________________________________________________

Agreed.

Bye, Ms.EJ!

MADE.IN.NY
12/27/09, 15:31:pm

@MADE.IN.NY
12/27/09, 14:16:pm

“I cosign your cosign to Ms. EJ. What else can be said?” – WordtotheWise
___________________________________________
Thank you I co-sign many of your comments too. I don’t know what else can be said. 900+ comments? I think we’re all running out of ways to say it.
——————————————-
Thank you! Yep, it’s a rap! What more can be said, and in the end, who is really listening? Not hearing, but listening?

Ms. EJ

‘I state this without any rancor, but the same request you are asking from Film is the same I ask of you. The same emotion and/or thought you feel that was directed towards you from Film is the exact same “personal judgement’s” you placed upon me. Treat other’s how you would like to be treated.’

Exactly. It amazes me that he can expel such negativity about black women, but when in approached in the same manner, he gets defensive.

Film

“Marquis

‘Well, Film has too, cuz he’s dating Sydney’

Really? Where’s your proof, and why do you care? LOL. .”

LOL! It’s not a question of me caring, I was merely enlightening WordtotheWise on why certain male posters consistently co-sign/placate the women on here…Now your first query, welll, I will respond in the form of one of my favorite film lines: “DON’T CON ME, MR. ROPER”. LOL! Ciao!

phrase not adage. TYPO.

Marquis

‘“DON’T CON ME, MR. ROPER”. LOL! Ciao!’

LOL, that’s actually funny. LOL. .

‘I was merely enlightening WordtotheWise on why certain male posters consistently co-sign/placate the women on here…’

Nope! You’re wrong. As I said earlier, my beliefs/views have been consistent since my very first post on this site.

@film

If I wasn’t sure before, I am now. You are a juvenile communicator.

As far as the credentials i was defending myself against your childish attacks on my intelligence. It was not randomly listed. My defensiveness in not in response to any point that you have made because you have not made any points. My defensiveness was in response again to your childish name calling.

You talk about generalizations, all of this information including the uninformed things you say are also general. No one knows every one so of course they are general. And I haven’t said any hateful things about black women. I love black women. I simply said and I stand by it that if you want to be with a good person you have to be a good person and all that follows accordingly. and as I said in that exact same post i wasn’t talking about all black women just the ones who fit that description. So again your argument is false.

As for your Ivy League education, I question it. If so prove me wrong. I am an Ivy League graduate and there is a listing of other black Ivy League graduates available. What school did you attend and what year.If I am wrong I will apologize.

You see the only goal you have is to look like the good guy. Well congrats you did that. But don’t think you made any points or even defended any of your arguments.

I haven’t said anything hateful about all black women. And again you were the one who approached me with childish name calling, and you can’t deny that. So you see when you talk like a child to an adult you get dismissed like a child talking to an adult.

Not matter what else you may have to say, since you have clearly fail to argue any substantial point and I doubt you will in the future, I have nothing further to discuss with you, from my attention, you have been dismissed.

Word to the wise

I haven’t attacked any one thats a misuse of the word. I have my opinions like every one else and just because they don’t agree with yours doesn’t make them an attack.

Made in NY

I said along time ago that I was not referring to all black women.

I even said the quotes that i posted about stereotypes were not my beliefs. I listed exactly where they came from. You read what you wanted to read and you rand with it.

DOES ANY ONE WANT TO ADDRESS THE TOPIC OF THE ROOM ANYMORE?

I think this topic has been exhausted. There’s just nothing else to say.

____________________________________________

Finally………..

If my mother can have five husbands, there is no shortage. Even my aunt with special needs and a social security check got a husband. My cousin with one leg got a husband. Nice husbands too, no dogs or anything LOL!!

I refuse to believe that there is any kind of shortage. Some might be hiding, but no shortage. I found my husband at our college library. So go look.

Old Timer

I think you are correct.

“I refuse to believe that there is any kind of shortage. Some might be hiding, but no shortage.” – Old Timer
_________________________________________________

I agree, Old Timer. Definitely.

“Whoa girl! With that, I’m out of here. That’s a wrap for me, girl, because your comment just tore down everything. Thank you for that, Made.” – WordtotheWise
_________________________________________________

Thank you and have a good evening, Word. And you’re welcome – I do what I can. LoL. J/K

Marquis, you don’t need to enlighten me about anything. I don’t believe Film is attempting to placate anyone. Film has been consistent throughout, so what’s your point?

You’ve actually been consistent as well, but your consistency has always been based on your lack of integrity and constant criticism of black women and the men who stand up for us.

Film has always brought intelligence, smarts, wit, and addresses the facts without emotion. That’s a rarity here, and actually I welcome it.

Keep doing whatcha do, Film!

“I said along time ago that I was not referring to all black women.

I even said the quotes that i posted about stereotypes were not my beliefs. I listed exactly where they came from. You read what you wanted to read and you rand with it.” – Toussaint Beaupre
_______________________________________________

No, Toussaint – I read this whole thread. Including every single one of your statements. I know you said all of those stereotypes are not your beliefs.

It’s cool. No use beating a dead horse. You have a good evening.

MADE.IN.NY
12/27/09, 16:37:pm

“Whoa girl! With that, I’m out of here. That’s a wrap for me, girl, because your comment just tore down everything. Thank you for that, Made.” – WordtotheWise
_______________________________________________

Thank you and have a good evening, Word. And you’re welcome – I do what I can. LoL. J/K
==========================================
You are welcome, and you have a good evening too, Made.

Toussaint Beaupre

‘You are a juvenile communicator.’

No, your constant stereotyping, and depictions about black women is puerile and fatuous.

‘As far as the credentials i was defending myself against your childish attacks on my intelligence. It was not randomly listed.

My point was, and I will reiterate it again. Why even mention your credentials in a debate? I don’t care about them. It only proves that it defines you as a person, and builds your character. And, you mentioned your six-figure salary. What was the purpose of that?

‘My defensiveness in not in response to any point that you have made because you have not made any points.”

You still haven’t responded to my initial statements. And, all of what you have declared has consisted of stereotypes, and preconceived notions that you hold about black women.

‘You talk about generalizations, all of this information including the uninformed things you say are also general. ‘

The questions/statements that I posed to you were generalizations. I was proving the point for that every remark and conventional way of thinking depicted about black women that you’ve expressed, another statement of opinion can be expressed about black men.

‘And I haven’t said any hateful things about black women. I love black women.’

How can you acknowledge or claim to love them, yet you haven’t mentioned any adjectives that display optimistic traits about black women?

‘As for your Ivy League education, I question it. If so prove me wrong. I am an Ivy League graduate and there is a listing of other black Ivy League graduates available. What school did you attend and what year.If I am wrong I will apologize.’

I will reiterate this again. Comprehension skills are imperative. I never said I attended an Ivy League school. Go back and read my comment.

‘I haven’t said anything hateful about all black women’

You haven’t said anything that would even remotely imply that exceptional, and intelligent black women exist. Now, what you have shown is that your thoughts consist of internalized, pessimistic views about them.

‘So you see when you talk like a child to an adult you get dismissed like a child talking to an adult.’

An adult, who claims to be a superior black man and Christian, would not hold negative judgements about black women. Is that God-like? Since you claim to be accomplished, you should have been exposed to other environments were exceptional black women frequent. The fact that you haven’t offered anything positive to discourse, only stereotypes, is more of a reflection about what you really believe to be true about the majority of black women.

‘I have nothing further to discuss with you, from my attention, you have been dismissed.’

I get it. You can’t handle another black man directing comments to your personal judgements about your low opinions of black women, but you can eject continuous negativity, and think it will go unnoticed. It think it’s best that you dismissed yourself.

@ film

I just reread the argument you are having with toussiant.

If you read what he has been writing you, can see that he is correct.

He never said anything negative about all black women. He did list some quotes that i don’t agree with but he also said that that was not how he feels and and even in that other list he said plain as day that he was not referring to all black women.

all he said was you had to give something to get something and I agree.

What are these stereotypes you keep saying he said. I just read the thread. I dont see what you are talking about.

It seems like you just want to defend the women in the room, but from what? So it makes you look good?

You attacked him first. reread the thread you came at him very foul dawg. you went off on the man about stuff he never even said.

I don’t have no ivy league degree but I am a hard working man.

I agree that there are great black women out there but not all of them are just like there are great black men but not all of them are.

But just looking at the discussion you were having, I think you were wrong. You came at him wrong and you were talking about stuff that didnt even apply to him.

Its all good to defend the women in the room but im just saying man, at least be on point about your stuff.

As for the topic.
Black women and black men both need to do better. period.

Thats all im gonna say.

accepted to two, not admitted. TYPO

I’ve been asked what school I attended on here (not while debating) before, and I answered the question.

Anyone who is even familiar with my post may know., and it certainly doesn’t matter.

Optimus Prime Rib Special $8.99
12/27/09, 17:08:pm

On the other HAND. White, Asians, and Indians live carefree lives and know the benefit of sticking together and being themselves. Black folks don’t get it yet.
=============================================
Of course they do. They have something we don’t. They have a culture, language, and country. Even the Indians have their own. Even though they were thrown off their land, they still have something to call their own. What we had/have has been stolen from us. Our identify taken and replaced. So it only stands to reason that the groups you mentioned, including Latins, stick together and can be themselves.

Toussaint Beaupre’s first comment about black women is:

“Over all it seems like black women want you to be perfect for them but they don’t want to do anything about their part. It’s aaaaalll us and they think they are perfect.”

“Thats why they are perfectly single.”
=======================================
I don’t see the word, “SOME” in this statement at all. He said “it seems like BLACK WOMEN (emphasis mine), blah, blah, blah.

Now that sounds like an attack on all black women to me. No?

Nah it doesn’t sound like an attack. because he said, “It seems” and he just talking about how both sides have to own up to they part in stuff.

when you read other people posts before that people are talking about what they want from brothers or what kind of brothers they want.

It aint right to want so much from other people but not be willing to do nuthin yourself.

then in the other part he says he is only talking about people that fit that description.

so that dont mean everybody.

He defended what he said and he did apologize to that EJ lady, but you word to the wise kept on going with it, kept making it bigger, kept trying to pump the situation up. Like you doing now.

and plenty of other people were really saying bad things about black women. But you aint still talking about them.

you keep saying ATTACK. its just talking man. Attack. He ain’t attacking nobody.

that film guy attacked him, straight up, calling him names and mess, if you wanna talk about attack the get on your boy film.

Why you all up on this man any way, defending film like he ain’t a grown man?

The Ink Well

‘and plenty of other people were really saying bad things about black women. But you aint still talking about them.’

Considering he was the only brotha, with repeated posts, ejecting such negativity around the time of my very first rejoinder, would explain my continuous response to him.

The Ink Well
12/27/09, 17:40:pm

you keep saying ATTACK. its just talking man. Attack. He ain’t attacking *****ody.

Yes he is. Did you just read the quotes Film just mentioned? That’s attack to me, and that’s how I see it. Come now!

that film guy attacked him, straight up, calling him names and mess, if you wanna talk about attack the get on your boy film.

Film only brought the facts. Now to me that was not an attack. See the problem with people like Toussant is that they can dish it but can’t take it and go whining like a little boy.

Why you all up on this man any way, defending film like he ain’t a grown man?

Well ain’t that the pot calling the kettle black! You’re defending Toussant like he’s your relative. Please spare me.

Ink Well

‘“It seems” and he just talking about how both sides have to own up to they part in stuff.’

If his purpose is to really provide solutions for this crisis, why didn’t he include any positive attributes about black women?

When I came into the room I just saw two people jumping on one dude. I was ready to be on yall side from how yall were talking about what he said.

Then I reread it all and yall were wrong. So I decided to stand up and say something.

I asked if Film calling that man out of his name was an attack and you just sat up there and said no.

So Film outa no where calling this man a name isnt an attack but this man posting quotes and statistics is an attack?

See thats the stuff im saying that makes both of you sound wrong. its not an attack when he targets this dude and calls him a name but its an attack to put up statistics that are actually true.

Im just saying man rethink it.

Ink Well

‘You cant get man at the man for putting up statistics, I just checked them on line, those are the real statistics. How you gonna get mad at him for the statistics man?’

You actually believe stats that are represented by the white man? I guarantee that’s where it stems from. You probably believe the history constructed in the books by European sociologists, who are benefiting from a lie.

‘And about the quotes you keep on missing that he says they were not what he believed and said where the information came from.’

See, here’s what I don’t understand. If you profess to believe that information is inaccurate, or it’s not what one believes, why even present it when engaging in debate?

‘When you didnt agree with him you started name calling, just like he said, like a child.’

I questioned his intelligence, which I have every right to do when a an individual presents stereotypes and information, and imply, or give any indication that it may be true.

‘You don’t know nothing about that mans mentality and he don’t know nothing about yours. ‘

His mentality is quite crystalline. The facts that he presented it is an obvious truth in his eyes.

antonnie …new orleans always

‘i dont get it. why does this topic bring so much anger out of everyone…’

My initial posts was that I assumed this whole debate was pointless, and didn’t think it should continue. I got caught up in the moment while reading responses from one particular blogger.

On that note, I’m out.

Take care, Word.

OH, I didnt see it at first, You are one of those brothers, every thing is a plot by the white man to get us all.

Okay. That ends it for me. lol

You wont even admit when you are wrong. You did start name calling, you wont even admit it.

Aint really much else to say man, you win.

Save us all from the evil white man. And any body that disagrees with you is a moron.

Im out Peace.

Hey Film, it’s been nice. Take care now, and have a great evening.

Born alone. Die alone

presented by the white man. TYPO

antonnie …new orleans always
12/27/09, 18:08:pm

i dont get it. why does this topic bring so much anger out of everyone…we are giving opinions here. just realize that when black women badger and **********inate blk men character like this; all it does is push us away. u think that t.v specials like this will uplift our people as a nation?..***** no. tv. specials like this dont do anything but make white men look good and forces ppl to question our culture. i love my blk women but when blk women condone ***** like this it makes me wonder. maybe this is why brothers are quick to date outside of our race. this t.v. special is silly. when blk men travel to other countries, women seem to love us. in the u.s.a blk women never hesitate to point out our faults. just food for thought
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Oh please spare us. The only one badgering are many of the brothers here. I take it you haven’t read through all the threads, but even if you did, it’d probably go in one in and out the other since so many brothers are victimized. If you are that weak, I say please be gone. Oh, and by the way, once many brothers start dating other races, many of these “other” women figure out what a lot of you are about and bounce as well. I know for a fact that is true. It’s been nice.

Women around the world seem to love you? Does that give you bragging rights? Sweetie, they love that member between your legs. I hate to inform you of that. Many women sexualize black men (Mandingo), and then when they figure out what a lot of sisters have said all along, again, they bounce. Please spare me the “whoa is me” mantra. You aren’t perfect.

Note: THIS IS NOT DIRECTED TO ALL BLACK MEN.

Thank you and good night!

I’m out ya’ll. It’s been a pleasure!

Ms.EJ

@BLACK YET NEVER INCARCERATED- *waves hello* I am not sure if you got my comment awhile back, but I wanted to tell you thank you so much for help with my computer. Since I have downloaded the BitDefender my computer has officially went back to its great, fast-speed working self. Thank you.

I would like to ask you if you have given any thought to that maybe it is not just their height that is causing them to have problems in dating women? I think it has to be more than just height. I’ve dated tall men, average height men and short. If a man is a good man he is a good man
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Ms. EJ — I’m glad your computer is back in shape.

In answer to your question, it might be more than just height…but I think you know that there are a lot of women who just won’t give a man the time of day if he is below a certain height…even if he is short, but still taller than her!

antonnie …new orleans always
12/27/09, 18:50:pm

@ word to the wise. i didnt log on to argue with u…these are opinions mostly, please calm down.
==========================================
Who’s arguing? I’m stating a point just like you. I don’t have time for petty arguments especially by someone who…anyway. Moving on.

Where do I begin?

First of all, I want to completely concur with Made.In.NY’s earlier statement:

“But I do agree that many of the people who represent themselves as men on this site seem to have EXTREMELY hateful attitudes towards women.”

A number of these attitudes are, indeed, extremely hateful and, frankly, unnerving.

@The Inkwell

Then, in response to this comment, “He never said anything negative about all black women. He did list some quotes that i don’t agree with but he also said that that was not how he feels and and even in that other list he said plain as day that he was not referring to all black women,” I’ll inject that not only did “Toussaint Beaupre” list a litany of negative, divisive stereotypes about black women today, but he has done the same in the past.

Below is an excerpt from one of his posts on a similar thread from this fall:

“I am a handsome and edcuated black man. I have an Ivy League graduate degree. I have a great job. I am involved in several black professional organizations. I have never been to jail. I dont have any kids. I am not gay. I am not attracted to white women. I love the lord and I enjoy the finer things in life. With that said my response to the discussion is this…

I know plenty of other black men just like me and we share the opinon that we love black women, but they dont always love us.

We usually see that black women no matter what their success level is…

1. Like being with thugs.
2. Have horrible attitudes and won’t admit it.
3. Have TOO much drama”

————————————–

Same shtick, different day. . .

More from Mr. “I love black women” (this disingenuous line is getting a little redundant on this site, isn’t it, btw? If this is all “love,” how would some of you define “hate?”) Toussaint:

“I have dated plenty of successful black women and as one guy said earlier, they have just as bad of attitudes as the unsuccessful ones.

MEN ARE TELLING YOU EXACTKY WHAT THEPROBLEM IS YET YOU ALL ARE STILL IGNORING IT.

TAKE A STEP BACK AND HEAR US SAYING THAT YOUR ATTITUDES ARE *****ED UP!”

instead of bickering..how about resolve?

It is so sad that the actions of a small group of black people are always applied to ALL black people.

Yes, some professional black women (and men) have stank attitudes and unrealistic expectations in a mate, but you can find that in all racial and ethic groups.

My mother, aunts and sisters all married educated, successful black men. My sisters and my sister’s female friends never complained about there being a shortage of good men to date or marry.

The only time I had a problem finding good, compatible black professional women to date was when I lived in Denver, Colorado and that was only due to the fact that there are relatively few black people in Denver.

If I had some stupid rules that I was only going to date black women who made $100,000 or more AND who had green eyes, then yes, I would have some problems finding dating partners.

If you keep approaching women with stank attitudes, then yes, in your world, ALL professional black women have stank attitudes. However, before approaching someone, you can always get some insight into her general disposition by closely observing her mannerisms and how she interacts with people.

@ antonnie…new orleans always.

In all honesty. I really doesn’t matter at this point who the brothers want to date. Black women are tired of the contrast and comparison with “Becky’s” and have now realized that we don’t have to necessarily wait on a black man. We’re simply waiting on love no matter what color it comes in. If the brothers don’t want us that’s their choice, but blaming black women for their reasoning is shallow. A lot of people do carry over past hurts into new relationships, and then use it to generalize/rationalize their own theories.

Wow. Is this thread really still going on?

Why? For Real. Why?

@ PLEASE….I RESPECT YOUR OPINION BUT YOU BASED YOUR COMMENTS ON ASSUMPTIONS. YOU ASSUME THAT SUCCESSFUL MEN CHOSE MODELS BECAUSE THEY R DUMB. WELL TYRA BANKS WAS A MODEL AND IS VERY SUCCESSFUL. I DONT CONSIDER HER DUMB. I THINK THAT ALOT OF RICH PPL JUST CHOOSE TO BE WITH GOOD LOOKING PPL BECAUSE ITS HUMAN NATURE. ATTRACTION IS SELF EXPLANATORY. INSTEAD OF WASTING TIME PUTTING BROTHERS DOWN, MAYBE WE SHOULD FIND A WAY TO SOLVE THE PROBLEM. LETS NOT allow our anger to overwhelm. we all have been hurt. man and woman

@antonnie….new orleans always your head is about to pop off of your head with all of your hostility. Once again, I’m entitled to voicing my opinion. We are tired of you guys and your never ending bickering and lists. You haven’t said anything differently than I have said. We are..no..longer..particularly waiting…on a black..man. We are simply waiting for love no matter what color it comes in. Benz, Bentley or any other car terminologies that you want to you…ditto. If that offends you, then oh well. (ABM)

@ dr. yeah man i feel u…i hate the way blk ppl are portrayed. for every denzel and morgan freeman, we have a madeas. i hate the minstrel show acts. as young man my father always warned me about hating another man for being successful but why is tyler perry still wearing a damn dress and acting like that. if anything blk women shouldnt respect the way he depicts them.
______________________________

@ please… baby calm down. im not being sensitive. and i know u didnt ask me to read all those comments. you joking right? …i understand what you are saying but i dont agree completely. i love you sista. i know u might not want to hear that from a brother. but i respect u alot and its cool talking with u.

girl im not hostile. not at all. why would u think that. i was being sarcastic with the “fed up” thing. u know feeding u your own lines. im not hostile i was just giving u props. ok now im pissed.

@Dr. Hayden Drake…you are right. There just doesn’t seem to be a middle ground. There hasn’t been any resolve. To be honest I don’t even believe every statistic that I hear about because numbers are numbers until they yield substantial facts. Plus numbers can be manipulated based on variables used in the study. As someone stated earlier, what are the statistics for other races? I have a lot of married friends who are black successful women. I have a lot of white friends who are unmarried successful women.

@antonnie…new orleans always Thanks for the props. : )

I’m right about what? I’m sorry I got confused?

Were you intending to address me?

Cosign@ Scorpio.
Think about it.If a woman can focus and do what it takes to become a well-educated,well-paid professional,living the good life then she can certainly get a husband.If she wants one.
Many women are unmarried because they choose to be and they’re not complaining because they’re happy in their lives.
Really,think about it and you’ll understand that.

I was referring to the way white’s have portrayed blacks, and the whole Madea thing. Then I just went on a tangent about the whole thread on here. lol Nevermind….

@antonnie

I asked my patient, what she loved most about Tyler Perry Shows, because they all seem the same to me.

Her response was that he had hard life and still made to become a huge success. She reminded me that he was homeless and had been sexually abused as a child. She said that he is a good Christian man who tells it like it is.

I said yeah, okay now what about his shows do you like again. And she just started laughing.

It seems that it really isn’t about the garbage that he parades as art or film.

They love him and his back story and want to support him.

Then one of my nurses said, he is the greatest black film maker we have and even if he wasn’t black he is just a great writer and director.

I was so shocked that I didn’t even respond i just nodded and said, Okay.

chzz
12/27/09, 23:38:PM
Cosign@ Scorpio.
Think about it.If a woman can focus and do what it takes to become a well-educated,well-paid professional,living the good life then she can certainly get a husband.If she wants one.
Many women are unmarried because they choose to be and they’re not complaining because they’re happy in their lives.
Really,think about it and you’ll understand that.
___________________________________________

i disagree. we all need someone. all the money in the world wont buy u a man that actually loves u. cares 4 u…how can u not want that? can your louie v couch do that? will it nurse u when u sic? hold ya hand when u giving labor? listen when you want him to? pretend like hes listening when the game on? see…pricelss.

@chzz great theory, but that’s not true. Success doesn’t guarantee a wife nor a husband. Therefore being completely focused to launch a career has nothing to do with her ability to get married if she wants to. I guess you have to be a black successful woman to get that.

yeah i understand his appeal. ppl respect where he cam from. oprah gave him her seal of approval. hes from my home town. i just dont like teh way he imitates blk women. i guess its just my opinion. he’s successful and its good to see blk ppl successful but it doesnt validate alot of messed up shyt in hollywood. lmao look at the way nick cannon acts and talks on that amrican idol show. my girl and i trip over it. h sounds like a white dude pretending to be black. im sure the execs told him to blacken it up. we all know nick dont talk like that.

LOL at the bullsh*t I have read…I have had to stop talking to a number of black men who have children..so add that in with the other stats and bam..its funny when black women have standards and don’t want the men with kids, a record you say we are nto good for standing by you..majority of black men have lost my respect they are so unfriendly, users, and brainwashed only a small few are good…..Black men will wife up a light skin black woman quick but cheat on her within 1 years top!…see some bw had it twisted you thought black men were treating light skin bw right?..wrong!! they might appraoch them more or wife them up but better believe they dog them out tooo!!! if 70% are single it means all skin tones of bw..wake up no matter how pretty or nice a bw is she is going to have troble with many bm…..young black women are gonna have it hard..think about their future!!

MADE IN NYC.Actualy black women arent married because black men don’t propose and they don’t have fathers and don’t know their worth..and when they do and kick them to the curve they are now the “attitude black women” black men love to lie on many bw

Frankiestage implies that:

Femininity is a skill. I must research this skill to find it attributes. If anyone can elaborate on how one acquires such a skill and what makes up this skill please let me know. This quality interests me.

If you’re a mother whether single, married or the father is around start raising your kids and building relationships. Stop wanting babies young because you want to be young when they are of age. Are you hoping to go clubbing with them or something? Stop sitting around your kids bad mouthing their absent fathers whom you were foolish enough to have a baby with in the first place. They don’t need to hear all that. If you had valued yourself and done things right from the beginning you wouldn’t be a single mother. Girls gorw up hating men and thinking all men are dogs and boys grow up thinking all black women are angry and bitter. If you are a single mother step up to the plate and show your boys how to treat a woman. Show your girls how to respect themselves and command the respect of anyone they deal with. Teach your boys how to be a provider and beginning with their first job they must contribute something to the household they are a part of. Teach your girls how to cook a home cooked meal with out using the microwave. Stop allowing your boys to knock up these women and continue to live at home with you and the same rules apply for your girls. At a certain age unless you are furthering your education, you should be out of your mommas home. If you can create a life then you can support it without her help. Push your kids to stand on their own and make good choices unless they want to face the consequences. Educate them with the knowledge they don’t learn in a classroom. I am a firm believer that the woman is the foundation and the firm structure that builds and keeps a household functioning. But without a man it is all lost and the home is nothing more than a blueprint.
When a woman defines her role and won’t settle for any man who does not know his role then the home is manifested.

I notice when it comes to these type of subjects ppl like to focus on their credentials such as “I got an MBA” or “My house is paid for” or I drive a Mecedes C-class” or “I make a $150,000 a year.” What do any of those things have to do with the character of a man or woman? What if a man has an MBA but he beats your a**? What if a woman drives a Mercedes but she cheats on her mate? Just b/c a person doesn’t have a degree, doesn’t drive an expensive car, or their house isn’t paid for doesn’t mean they’re not a good catch nor does it depict the measure of a person’s character. A person’s degrees, cars, and annual salary should be added incentives…not deciding factors in choosing a mate.

I am so tired of people saying “that black women need to lower their standards” and that “a degree ain’t worth shit”.

If I can come to this country, learn the language, struggle to earn scholarships, get into a good college, struggle to earn a degree, get a job (after hundreds of resumes submissions), and now keep my job is I pay off my school loans. If after all of these struggles and personal sacrifices, why in the hell would I want to settle for a man who hasn’t even bothered to do anything that required hard work in his life?

Why would I be with someone who’s work ethics, values, and overall ambition is less than mine??? And if by some outlandish miracle, I did settle for someone like that, it would never in a million years work! I’d always want to better myself whereas they’d always be content with where they are in life and could never understand my need to grow! And I’ll be damned if I allow myself to get stifled and put down in order to get a man. Trust me, I’ve tried, and it didn’t work. I need someone who’s on my level and who can at least attest to the fact that in spite of racial, financial, and societal road blocks, hard work and determination do get you ahead!

The thing is, I don’t need a man who’s already ahead. I don’t mind working with you and supporting you and your dreams as you support me and my dreams. I don’t mind doing it together, as long as I know that we share the same ambition and the same drive.

I think the report is inaccurate. I’m a black female and most of my friends and college buddies are married and we all have BA & Masters degrees. I think this applied to women maybe over 5 years ago.

BTW, I am a good black woman. I am fun, beautiful, quirky, intelligent, and so damn caring. I have a lot of love to give, but sadly, have not found a good black man. I’ve either attracted men outside my race, and weirdly enough I’ve attracted black men who’ve traditionally only dated white women.

With that said, I can relate to these women. They are beautiful, kind, old fashioned, and seem to have plenty to offer a good black man. I too have experienced black men putting me in their back pocket for later, because I am what you might call “a good girl”, “wifey material”.

But I’m in my late twenties, approaching my thirties, with sadly no good man in sight. I’m a warm person, so I always give out a warm and friendly smile, but still, have a hard time finding a good respectful black men to whom I am attracted too. The few with whom I’ve clicked, are so full of themselves, that they lack basic respect and don’t even bother courting a woman because they think they’ve got it in the bag. If you are not putting in any effort in making me feel like you want to be with me, than I’m not going to think that you want me. It’s that simple.

As a resolve, I’ll try to do several things in 2010. I’ll try to attend more professional conferences (even if I have to pay for them and not the company), I’ll try to travel more to different countries and give men of other races a chance, and maybe I’ll try Steve Harvey’s advice, and see if I can meet older black men who know how to treat a woman. I’m feeling optimistic that even if after all of these, I don’t meet the man for me, I’ll at least will have experienced both professional and personal growth. Wish me luck!

These are probably the same women who were looking for who is the coolest, has the most swag, is he tuff(thug), all the women want him I want him too type dude. Young men pick up on all that negative stuff women want and try to emulate it while it may mess them up in the future. So while they are chasing the class clown, coolest swag having dude with no goals and doesn’t take school serious. They are getting good grades and going to college. Then they wonder why there are more BW with degrees than BM. BW need to learn to look for better qualities in men when they are younger, or a man who is not afraid to be himself(not the coolest, thug, or swag if thats not him). Some of these so called swagless, square men are educated and desired by WW, and only then are they desired these educated brothas. Why do dudes like Tiger only date WW, probably because BW called him lame, no game or whatever and the WW seemed to except him for who he was. I see this all the time even wit my own brother.

I, for one, don’t think black women need to lower their standards, I think on average they need to raise them.

You can’t keep dating ex-cons and thugs then turn around and complain about no good black men, when those are the ones you keep choosing.

For women that are actually attracted to successful black men, not the women who just say that they are because they want to win an argument, but for the women with sense who are actually attracted to men who they feel are better qualified to be fathers and husbands, I feel for you. I can only say that they are out there and they are looking for you.

Now When you find that good black man that you are looking for, I just ask that you not dismiss him because you think he is boring or short or doesn’t have some silly swagger or any other superficial reasons that I have heard some women on here say why they didn’t like some particularly good men.

Also it would be a good idea to be willing to do your part to bring your best self to the relationship as well. Meaning that you are also ready to be a good wife and mother. That if your superficial standards are going to be high, then you should be willing to meet some higher superficial standards as well. But in general I think leaving superficiality out of the relationship is the better bet.

Also and this is a big one, COMMUNICATION IS IMPORTANT.

Be willing to talk and listen, both should be able to say what they are expecting from the relationship and be heard about it. This way there is no confusion about how to keep the other person happy.

You should only get married if you feel like you can not live with out this person. Thats it. Because anything less will leave you questioning “what if.”

@ Dr. Hayden Drake

and partially @ KGINDY

I am a beautiful, kind, and good black woman who is looking for a good black man. I left out ‘successful’ because I’m willing to accept him even if he hasn’t attained his definition of success, as long as he is working towards it. And I left out ‘handsome’, because I don’t care whether he’s a nerd or a jock, as long as he carries himself well and takes pride in his appearance.

The main things that do attract me, are A) RESPECT (to me and to his family) B) KINDNESS (to those around him regardless of social status) C) INTELLECT (I go gaga over men that can carry on intelligent discourse, stay on top of current events, and can overall stimulate me mentally. I always say that a man’s gotta make love to my mind before he makes love to my body.) D) AMBITION (I need a man who’s always striving to be better) E) HEALTH (I need a man who conscious of his health and his weight)

Superficial reasons such as looks are initially attiring, but inevitably become worthless if he doesn’t have the key qualities I’ve listed above. And yes, I do embody these same qualities as well, because I’m willing to invest as much into the relationship, if not more.

As far as communication, I do talk and I do listen. Dear God, I’ve listened, but inevitably, that hasn’t worked much either. I tell you, a lot of black men are taking good black women for granted. There are a lot a black men that claim that they want a good black woman too, just for the sake of winning an argument.

@FWW

This is not a dating site. Take your desperate self to match.com or something

I dont know why this topic got this long to be honest. The cold and harsh truth is that like someone said before. MEN AS A WHOLE DO NOT FIND BLACK WOMEN ATTRACTIVE. Thats it.

BLACK MEN DO NOT LIKE BLACK CHILDREN, IT REMINDS THEM OF THEIR FATHERLESS WELFARE RIDDEN MOMMA ON CRACK CHILDHOOD. Truth. Hate it or love it. Im speakin the truth.

@ toussaint beaupre
***correction reading the Bible is MUCH better than an education. (and following God’s plan)

Dr. Elle,

What do you teach and what is the focus of your research program?

Hilarious..

These news specials always crack me up. Why is it that black men are always being studied, having a census ran on us, or examined like some type of experiment? I’m not going to sit here and make excuses for any man, but c’mon, not all black women “groom themselves for success”, as the newscaster put it…

Bottom line, they are given MORE OPPORTUNITIES than the black man. There are a lot of brothas out here that do those same things: go to school, graduate, and go look for jobs in their chosen profession. The difference is this: Most companies are more likely to hire a black woman over a black male with the same credentials. A lot of companies use the fact that a black women constitutes a “double minority” as a reason, but I’m pretty sure that’s not the only reason this occurs so frequently. Again, I’m not making excuses, but facts are facts…

From the time blacks were stolen from the Motherland, this society in general has taken a “kill the black man, spare the black woman” attitude and approach. That attitude and approach still exists today. This fact seems to always be ignored by not only the white media, but the black media as well, and especially our women. From educational programs geared specifically for black women, to black women being hired over black men in the workplace (which I believe is due to an extreme fear of the black male’s ability to excel in any environment), Black women are not only encouraged to succeed, they are almost set up to succeed, if they want to. And black women who have become “successul” have bought into the bull$hit, thinking that it’s all about them, when the fact is it’s much bigger than they could even imagine.

That’s why I tell young cats to try to do the very best that they can in school, and in anything else that they do, because when you’re a black male, no one is going you give you a break, or look out for you. Everything you get, you better believe you’re going to earn. And, you’re going to have to work twice as hard for it as everyone else, including black women.

In my opinion, this all comes down to black women being some of the biggest drama queens on the face of the Earth. They are guilty of something that black men are also guilty of – complaining about their situation, instead of doing something to change it. Yes, there are a great deal of black women that would rather complain about an issue, rather than resolve it. Because if they did resolve it, then they’d have nothing else to complain about. Also, I feel that black women are quick to $hit on brothas when they feel that they are in a position to do so (better education, job, etc.) In the workplace, a great deal of them handle any power they’ve been given terribly, and let any form of success go straight to their head.

At my job, I’m the only black male in my department, and every other male is white. Half are married, and wouldn’t think twice about smashing another broad outside their marriage.. Some that are not married, have more than one girlfriend. In that way, we’re all the same, and in most other ways also. Black women do not want to hear that, because it ruins their argument.

My point is this – Black American women seem to be the only group of women who don’t understand, or maybe don’t want to understand, that all men have flaws, no matter the color. And, you could find a black man that meets all of your material requirements, and he could still disappoint you in some way. If these successful black women really can’t find a “good” black man, or one “on their level” and all that other crap they say, that makes them feel better about themselves, then they should look elsewhere. (white guys, etc…) Maybe then, they’ll see that men are men, period.

Instead of constantly saying, “how come the brothas can’t do what I’ve done”, just find someone who meets your standards, and be happy.. if you can can manage that.

@Black, Yet Never Incarcerated!!!

Dr. Elle,
What do you teach and what is the focus of your research program?
____________________________________________

Hey Black….

I teach all types of courses relating to the media I also have a public relations background. Currently, I teach Race, Gender and Sexuality in Music Media. Next semester I am teaching a PR strategies course and I also teach Organizational Communications, Public Speaking, Adv. Topics of Media Studies and Media and the Black Experience and some others…thankful for the opportunity to do so. I often study gendered, racist and stereotypical images in the media. Organizational discrimination practices, and ethnic diversity among underrepresented groups in communication disciplines (PR, Advertising, Marketing firms etc.) It’s a cool gig, cause I (as we all are) am a student of life. Love learning and interpreting what I learn. As well as learning from my students.

Dr. Elle,

I teach part-time at a university. It is always nice to run across another academic.

Have you published any of your research?

@Dr. Elle,

I find research to be a very rewarding experience. Teaching…not so much.

I actually love teaching, but the “I just want to do enough to pass” attitudes of a good number of the students gets to be tiresome after a while.

What are the topics of your journal article and books?

@Dr. Elle,

I find research to be a very rewarding experience. Teaching…not so much.

I actually love teaching, but the “I just want to do enough to p.a.s.s” attitudes of a good number of the students gets to be tiresome after a while.

What are the topics of your journal article and books?

@ Black

OK gotcha. I totally understand that attitude. Many of my students have it too. Not all thankfully. There is also this entitlement attitude thing too. Another issue is plagiarizing…but thats across the board. Can’t say the exact titles of my works in progress …but they are dealing with my dissertation research on underrepresented groups in communications and my other research interests. Not tryin to be funny, but I have to be guarded with it til I am published.

women don’t get it. your job and education don’t make you a good woman. same as my salary doesn’t make me a good man. your ability to be a proper caretaker and nurturer of your family is what will make you attractive to a man.

when you’re on a date and the only things that you can talk are your career and educational accomplshments, we’ve already come to the conclusion you’re career first, family second.

also, if you as a woman are financially secure, why then are you looking for someone who is on your, “level” and able to provide for you?? shouldn’t you be more worried about finding someone who is of high character and shares the same values and/or goals as you??

@ Dr. Elle

I expected that you would need to keep things under wraps until publication. I follow the same policy. I am aware that, regrettably, plagiarism is a problem among some faculty as well as students. I was just wondering about the general areas of your works in progress rather than exact titles and abstracts. I enjoy reading scholarly perspectives on the constant c.o.o.n.e.r.y I see in the media.

When your work is publicly available, I would appreciate a notice. I’m sure it will be interesting reading. My email address is:

doc-vader at hotmail dot com.

OK, Black… It was cool meeting you. Have your email on file. Will send when the information gets published ; )

I’d like to point out that many black women have rediculous requirements (i.e height, pay, car type). A man’s height has absolutely nothing to do with his ability to love and protect a woman. If the woman’s doctoral salary is $150K and the man’s associate degree salary is only $85K, he can still provide for his family. A 10 yr old, well-maintained domestic vehicle serves the same purpose as the latest foreign sports car… reliable transportation!

I wanted to marry a black woman, but I am currenly married to wonderful woman who is NOT black. Here’s why:

I was subjected to a recurring theme when attempting to find a black woman to date. I was repeatedly told that I possessed all of the qualities they wanted in a man… but we couldn’t be together b/c I don’t believe my life is governed by some being commonly referred to as God. Nevermind the fact that I treated these women with the utmost respect. I even still follow the rules of chivalry! So, apparently, it is more important for black women to have someone who believes in God and attends the weekly fashion show called church than to have someone who treats them like a good woman deserves to be treated.

This line of thinking was appalling to me and became an overwhelming disappointment. Thus, the beginning of my all-inclusive search. A man of my experiences might say that black women should take a long, hard look at themselves. However, the truth is I don’t care what black women do b/c I have a woman that loves and supports me, and I treat her like a queen!

Signed
Former Tired Black Man

*shrug* What do men like/love about black women? My parents have been married for 43 years. My dad in my opinion hung the moon. I have three older brothers who are loving, successful, excellent fathers, providers, etc. My mom is an incredible woman and I’m thankful for her love, her wisdom and her strength. All three of my brothers are married and seem very happy! I refuse to buy into the foolishness I have read on this thread.

@6AM loved your post; @slide you always offer a great prospective on the dynamics of men/women relationship. I agreed most with the comment from Oh Brotha — loved your post. Well written and well said. You hit the nail on the head when you stated: “Contrary to popular belief there are many men of all races who want black women.” There have been 1087 comments posted on this topic. I’m sure the majority of you were arised by a black woman or she had some influence in your life. Look at your beautiful mom why has she been single all of her life? It is choice or circumstance. Look a your married mom who has invested years into her marriage. My dad found his gem 43 years ago. Their love is strong, beautiful and ever-lasting. Forget a stastic. What is for me is for me. I have know doubt that a wonderful, loving man will find me and marry me. It happened for my mom so I know it will happen for me. I’ve had the pledge of seeing a good, healthy, positive african american relationship work within my parents and my brothers. I don’t believe hype — I trust God! Have you told a black woman you love her today? Be it your wife, your mother, your sister, a cousin, a friend, co-worker, church member or most importantly yourself! Happy New Year! I gotta ten hand!!

Black men don’t want to deal with the strong black woman’s stereotypical attitude. So, we don’t!

I feel im an eligible black male living and working in the UK, good profession, make good money, never been out of work.

And I have been hit with ‘too nice’ label from black women so many times I just gave up. Unless you have a rudeboy/gangsta/thug/playa/pimp attitude, a lot of black women, even the successful professional ones, just dont wanna know! And I know thats the same experience of many a decent black male in the UK…

Wow i’ll tell you all one thing this discussion is one of the most civil back and forths that I have witnessed!!!! Keep it up we are all Kings and Queens and will recieve we we deserve.

I agree sisters just date outside your race white men are starting to come clean about thier true feelings for back girls they love REALLLLLLL Breasts and round juicy plumb asses like i the black woman have

I date white men and they an be jerks as well! Just continue to pray to god and he will send you what you want and need!

Junebug_from_SC

Good post.

@Marquis

Thanks! There are other excellent posts here also, but I felt compelled to contribute b/c this topic always invoked strong emotions for me. I can personally attest to having been rejected for being ‘too nice’. I still don’t understand that one, LOL!

@ Toussaint Beaupre

“Why Are Many Successful Black Women Single?” I am a very successfule black woman looking for an equal match. Contact me if you want to know more…MissMogulette@yahoo.com

Im a successful black man that just happened to get lucky and find the woman of my dreams (Who happens to be another black professional). However, before her there were struggles. I chalk it up to several factors:
1) the area i went to college in.
2) The general attitude of the women there. 3)The typical factors.

Disclaimer: Now this is from my general experience and is in now way indicative of other people’s experiences.

1) I went to college in the DC area. Im not sure if it was the area, but the girls there, when i was in college, seemed alot more stuckup than girls from any other part of the country. Unfortunately for me, I didnt go to college in those other parts.

2) They also seemed to be more interested in “thug”-type guys. I thought this was rediculous since there are no thugs in college. Seems like they couldnt be bothered with guy that was non thuggish in attitude and was an engineering student. eh.

3) Typical factors: I was Short (5’8), too nice, and light skinned. A lot of times I got “You’re cute, but too short for me” or “You are too nice” or “I dont trust you light skinned brothas, bunch a playas” lines.

Fortunately for me, I met some not from the area that suited me just fine.

That’s my real info, the reason why black women are single is all they want are to thug type of black men. I see good educated black men gettn LOLed at not just rejected by LOL, like LMAO type when they try to get a black woman of quality. If you are not of quality I mean pretty in shape, educated, established and CLEAN (sick of fat dirty smelly women)you should not be in this blog at all. Black women don’t want good men, they want stuped thugs, that’s why the men they have child with are allways gone when the baby comes. It’s because they are gettn knoced up by C’lo, and Big dogg. You a loser if you pick one ladies. I WOULD LOVE TO GET A BEAUTIFUL BLACK WOMAN ON MY TEAM, BUT I KNOW REALIZE THEY DON’T WANT ME, I TRY ALL THE TIME, AND THEY DON’T WANT ME……… BUT WHITE WOMEN DO, and white women have learned what we like, and it’s simple. slim, clean, smart, and sweet.

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[...] We have accepted that this topic is not going away. One thing we always hear is a woman’s perspective, this time we have a man who speaks his mind on “WHY BLACK MEN JUMP SHIP ON BLACK WOMEN!!!” [...]

Most sistaz like anything that they can b!tch at. Sistaz are to busy thinking that they are dating some “type” guy. Like “he is the basketball type or he is the rapper type. Lots of sistaz think that if you just ask them out for coffee that it means you are digging them so much.Keisha Cole is a great example Men do not want some braoad that acts like us we want the woman to be a better half.

As an older black man, I say please leave us the hell alone and take your problems to Ann Landers.

I am a single black woman and I am disgusted by this topic. Why are they lining up black women and men like we are supposed to be together. WE ARE ALL HUMAN> I have been with white men, black men, spanish men. We are all the same. I would def. marry outside or inside my race. I see many black women getting an attitude when they see black men in interracial relationships. Wake up. It is none of your business. Be happy for others. I am and I am single. I love when cultures come together. That means that we are becoming one. Wake up people. Love is all that matters. don’t let society brain wash you.

I may be out of line here as I am Latin but look white but it’s saddening when people of any group feel shut out from their own because of a few negatives. I could say “all these Latinas from this area are trash, blah, blah, blah” but that would be punishing most for a few losers. I don’t worry about race even though I’ve been beaten up just for saying I’m Latin (and NO, I won’t say I’m not. I go for quality; if I get along better with Shaniqua (as example) who treats me right than with Phylicia Rashad (as example) who treats me like crap, who do you think I’ll go with? That’s what people need to consider: who works best with them? What would a future with this person be like for better or worse? Sadly again; there are people who will make bad calls despite the fact that they really should know better.

Successful people frequently don’t get married. Race has nothing to do with it. I’m a gay black man, I’m on a track to making 80 thousand a year before I turn 35, and I am not getting married either.

There’s no real reason to. Hell, look at Oprah; she’s doing fine, and last I checked she was doing just fine with her boyfriend.

And I am not imitating women; I do what I like, because life is too short.

Anyone who says “They either becomes weak, cowards and imitate women (i.e., trannies, gays)” (nice education, idiot), on the other hand, is just unhappy because only a truly desperate person would even endure their company for a conversation, much less a relationship.

Let’s be real: some women are just too mean to have a man, hiding all their insecurities behind this hard mask that repels. You might be a lawyer during working hours but subjecting your man to the 3rd degree for leaving his socks on the floor is not attractive.

Agree 100%. Black men and women are too busy chasing the dollar, which is the white man’s way of thinking. We are to be more spiritual than that.