Who Would Have Ever Thought Gabby the Homewrecker Would Have Issues Being Dark Skinned?!?!

- By Bossip Staff Categories: For Discussion, News, SMH

Gabrielle Union decided to vent her thoughts on the issues she had growing up with her self-esteem and how she still deals with some of those issues now. From being intimidated by light-skinned women to hating her nose…

in my own town, with me being THE black girl, the white guys weren’t really checking for me in that way. When I got to go to basketball camp and I got be around black boys, I was like cool…until I got dumped…for a light skinned girl.

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If you ask my parents they would say I was a perfect child, a model child, because I did everything that was asked of me. I got great grades, I was a great athlete, I was a student leader, the police were never called, there were never any major scandals on our cul-de-sac…but what was going on inside, and what I was dealing with individually and as a group of girls, was absolute turmoil. Emotionally, physically, spiritually, we were forced to deal with a lot of adult issues and situations as a collective, and often times we wouldn’t turn to each other, we would internalize everything, we didn’t have an outlet. So, I was going through MAJOR low self esteem. I was a black girl in an all white school in an all white community, never feeling good enough, but always being encouraged by my parents to be bigger, badder and better. And perfect is the standard. That’s an immense amount of pressure to put on a child. Then I’m starting to like guys. And in my own town, with me being THE black girl, the white guys weren’t really checking for me in that way. When I got to go to basketball camp and I got be around black boys, I was like cool…until I got dumped…for a light skinned girl. And then that whole thing started. My hair isn’t straight enough. My nose isn’t pointy enough. My lips are too big. My boobs aren’t big enough. And you start going through all of that. And I realize as I’ve gotten older a lot of issues that I was dealing with at 15, I am still dealing with today.

My niece is a teenager and is dealing with her skin, she’s dealing with her hair, she’s dealing with what clothes to wear, the music she listens to…I would love to say a lot has changed, but I certainly believe that there is a lot more work to do be done.

In the business that I am in now, it is incredibly tough, and to be honest, sometimes it is is hard to keep my head above the water, sometimes I feel like I’m drowning. I’m just really fortunate to have people, friends I can call on at any hour. You don’t get a job, and you immediately want to blame it on, if my hair was different, or maybe if my nose…or they just want to go with light-skin girls, and you start to doubt yourself, and the self-doubts and the low self-esteem starts to creep in. When that happens I know that I can call on a good friend. One day, he made me do this exercise, which I thought was ridiculous at first, standing in the mirror and finding things about my face that I loved, whether it be the freckles or my eyebrows, and just concentrating on all of the positive things…and I thought it was a load…and then, I found myself doing it one day and I found myself feeling a little bit better. So I texted him and I was like, “it worked.” But what I found is that it’s great that I have a group of girlfriends that I can rely on, but it can’t just be this one-way street of women validating women. There’s something about a platonic, non-sexual male voice in your life, ideally your parent, your father, relative or brother, which should be a steady, consistent source of nothing but positivity. And having this friend inspired me to reach out to my own dad and tell him that he’s got to tell my niece everyday that she is a beautiful princess. I can tell her that she has a lovely jump shot, or she does well in school, but what she’s gonna start looking out for from other people, from other men, is to tell her how beautiful she is, and she’s gonna find validation in all the wrong ways. So, it is important to be that mentor, to be that guiding figure in her life, so she doesn’t accept validation from the wrong places.

We don’t generally share these stories. These are things that you generally take to the grave with you. You don’t want people to know that I hate my nose. You don’t want people to know that I have this fear a light-skinned woman walking into the room, ya’ know, you don’t want people to know that, so you take that your grave. So, I write this to let you all know that I’m still in it, but it’s getting better and there is light at the end of the tunnel. And when a young person has a mentor, it only makes the light seem that much more real.

-Gabrielle

Damn, that’s real and we have to give it up to her for opening up about feeling that way because there are a lot of people who feel out-of-place and think that they are never good enough. In today’s society, companies sell the idea that we should all look a certain way to be considered beautiful, no matter what color your skin is. Children need to know it’s okay to be different and not look like everyone else and that they are beautiful no matter what.

***On a side note, we hope Gabby is teaching her niece not to mess with people who are already married… YOU KNOW WE HAD TO THROW THAT IN THERE!!!***

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Comments

  • kerri

    real talk, glad she put that out there. iv been in the same situation. growing up being the only black girl in a lily white town. then i went to a black college and start hearing all this light skin vs dark skin mess, like great here goes some more ish to feel self-concious abt. glad gabbys putting it out there for ppl to realize its an issue with black girls

  • redbonekillbill

    Not surprised, naturally pretty women have a lot of issues with the way they look. Its good that she recognizes these issues and doesn’t necessarily act out because of them ( I’ll leave the married man situation alone) because most women especially young ones will. So maybe these statements will help others, or at the very least show them they are not alone.

  • Chica

    Amen! A famous darkskin sister has finally broken the silence. Our young black girls need role models that can help validate their self-esteem, and help them realize that beauty comes in all complexions.

  • http://bossp.com MZOJUMU

    I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND YOU GABBY..I HAD THE SAME ISSUES..BUT I LOVE MYSELF NOW FOR WHO I AM. THIS IS HOW GOD MADE ME AND I AM PERFECT IN HIS SIGHT, I HAD TO LOOK WITHIN AND TELL MYSELF THAT I AM DARK SKINNED AND I AM BEAUTIFUL AND IF OTHER PPL DONT SEE IT THEN THAT IS THEIR PROBLEM, I FACE IT EVERYDAY A LIGHT SKINNED OR CAUCASION PERSON GETTING A JOB BEFORE ME, AND I LOOK AT IT LIKE THIS I DONT NEED TO WORK FOR THAT COMPANY IF THEY ARE LOOKING AT THE COLOR OF ONE’S SKIN OR HOW THEY LOOK..SO THEREFORE I FEEL THEY DID NOT HIRE A LADY THAT IS PERFECT FOR THE JOB..STAY BLESSED GIRL AND KEEP YOUR HEAD UP CAUSE TO ME YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL…

  • Somali Ninga

    Don’t hate on us light skin gals Gabby cuz LIGHT SKIN is the RIGHT SKIN!!!!😀

    • http://yahoo dyann

      gabby doesnt hate on lightskin girl idiot she means they are prefer more alot in the black communtiy/society.

  • Ahni

    This is so true. And I commend Gabby for this. I was the black girl at the all white school. And I was ALREADY going through issues. Then when I started going to school with more black people I found out I’m still not good enough. WHY? Because I’m DARK. It’s a NEVER ENDING CYCLE. I’m glad she’s there to be a positive role model and represent.

  • letsgo.gitit

    LOL!! I dont think it has anything to do with your complexion, I know pretty dark girls and pretty light skinned girls. It all depends on you.

  • me

    You people just CAN’T just give the woman props for discussing an issue that is very big in the African-American community WITHOUT mentioning the fact that she is in a relationship with a SEPARATED man. As you all damn well know,divorces take time which is why MANY couples live separate lives while the proceedings continue.

    Kudos for Gabrielle!!

  • afashionpl8

    I respect her honesty, but why in 2009 are we still crying about being dark-skinned. I am a medium-brown skinned woman and have never had issues with my skin. I grew up around strong, positive men and women who all had dark skin. I am a confident and professional woman and I don’t feel as though my skin tone has ever stopped me from getting anything in life. This includes a job, a promotion, happiness, or a man. I can pull the best of them. I think that the biggest problem is state of mind. If you don’t feel like your just as good as the infamous light-skinned girl, then you won’t be. Let’s get it together people. There’s nothing wrong with having dark skin!!!!!

  • afashionpl8

    My mistake, that’s 2010.

  • http://www.kanyeuniversecity.com/blog/imgpop.php?img=http://www.kanyeuniversecity.com/client_images/kanyewest/3164_b0e5bda4c46c8d17b6cf25713d3170ac.jpg Slide Like A Fresh Pair of Gators

    I have this fear a light-skinned woman walking into the room
    ___________________________________________

    SMMFH…

  • babynewyear

    My sister & I are light-skinned girls who grew up in the projects. Our problems weren’t with the white girls as much as they were with other black girls. we got into a lot of fights, for no other reason than being light-skinned. I never understood this, ’cause light skin or not, I am still BLACK & still deal with the same struggles as a dark skinned girl in today’s society. I have seen plenty of ABSOLUTELY gorgeous darker skinned women & every light skinned person is not cute! At the end of the day, I’m just glad to be black & would not trade if for anything. I also won’t give white folks the satisfaction of thinking they are better than me because if it!!

  • Bohwe

    Glad that she point that out, it’s about time a black woman said that. She’s a pretty girl, a naturally pretty girl,

    Just want to say that black parents are so eager to put their children in white schools hoping that would be better for them, ignoring the fact that there will be pyschological issues that will plagued the child the rest of their lives. Not to bring up the Jacksons but, evev Janet had said that she had problems growing up being the only black girl in the class. And that now she regrets getting her nose job at 17. And look at poor MJ, him being around white people being told that white equates to beauty and success , messed him up.

    But black men should cut the garbage and be real men and validate their daughters. but let’s be honest black men can’t validate their daughters because they donh’t find black women beautiful, so they can’t lie. why do you think black men validate lighter complexion to nonblack women, because that’s what they find attractive. I’ve seen too much complexion issues from black men to think they want us. look at lil wayne, too short, d.j. quick, puff daddy, these men make it plain that they don’t want darkskin black women.

  • charlotte

    I cant believe there is a light skin-dark skin issue today. Women don’t get dumped because of their skin color. I’m as hi-yella as they come and have been dumped for dark skin, white, and other type of women.

  • UrHeinessDaQueen

    Even though I’m surprised she would decide to confess all this all of the sudden? ..anyways,I really feel her on this & even though times changes,sadly certain things never do like what she mentioned. Good she’s voicing her inner thoughts on this as well as trying to set a positive example for her niece

  • Sylmarvelous

    Everyone has insecurities-no matter what color! Either you’re too light, or you’re too dark! Even if you’re color is ‘in between’, you’ll have them too. I always worry about how my daughter will feel. She’s the only ‘dark’ child and I want her to have some self-esteem. Her father and I aren’t together anymore and being that my husband is hispanic, I know people will point that out sooner or later. I was mean to the darker girls in elementary. Kids can be so cruel!

  • Sylmarvelous

    DAMN! *even if YOUR color…*

  • Sydney™

    “I respect her honesty, but why in 2009 are we still crying about being dark-skinned.”

    Because colorism still exists in 2010. Because there are darker-toned sisters who are still being told that they’re “pretty for dark-skinned girls,” as if they’re some sort of exception. Because there are still have derogatory terms such as “dark butt” in the lexicon of some of us. And, because, there are studies that illustrate the influence that skin tone still has in facets of our lives, even the job market (there have been articles on this topic).

  • Gimmeabreak 78

    Though I am not surprised to hear that she has self-esteem issues in general, I am stunned to hear that some them are related to her skin tone. She has some of the most beautiful skin I have ever seen. She does Neutrogena commercials, for crying out loud!

    I’ve always believed that dark-skinned women never really got their full props in black culture anway. You can walk up to a random black man on the street and ask him to list who he thinks are the most attractive black female celebrities.

    Invariably the responses are Halle Berry, Beyonce, Alicia Keys, etc, all of whom are gorgeous–but you rarely find Gabrielle Union, Kenya Moore, and others on the list.

    Every now and again someone shouts out Serena Williams, but even then it’s a mixed bag because it seems for every man who says she’s fine/attractive, there is another who says she’s too manly/unfeminine.

  • Sydney™

    @Bohwe

    “But black men should cut the garbage and be real men and validate their daughters. but let’s be honest black men can’t validate their daughters because they donh’t find black women beautiful, so they can’t lie.”

    I understand your point, but I would just like to clarify that SOME, not all, black men find black women unattractive (and the black men on this site who regularly express scorn for sisters do not represent black men as a whole). And those men who do not love and respect their sisters do not/would not make healthy partners/husbands/fathers to begin with.

    A man who cannot/does not appreciate the beauty of women who share his skin tone has little to offer a self-respecting sister.

  • hey now

    @ somali ninga

    Don’t hate on us light skin gals Gabby cuz LIGHT SKIN is the RIGHT SKIN!!!!😀
    —–

    You are an ignorant fool! I’m so called light-skinned but that doesn’t make us any better or worse than anyone else. Ignorant comments such as yours help keep our community divided!

    Remember we all ni@@ers when to police show up!

  • hey now

    @ somali ninga

    Don’t hate on us light skin gals Gabby cuz LIGHT SKIN is the RIGHT SKIN!!!!😀

    ——

    You are an ignorant fool! I’m so called light-skinned but that doesn’t make us any better or worse than anyone else. Ignorant comments such as yours help keep our community divided!

    Remember we’re all ni@@ers when the police show up!

  • Somali Ninga

    @ Gimmebreak78
    OMG UR RIGHT!! SHE DOES FU©KIN NEUTROGENA COMMERCIALS!! LOL BUT STILL LIGHT SKIN IS THE RIGHT SKIN!!!

  • CJ

    Gabby could not have said it any better but black people as a whole gets discriminated against…really in all actually, any race that is not white gets discriminated against…yes we have come along ways as a society but we still have a long way to go. In addition…it all starts a home with helping children to grow up to have a healthy self esteem and to deal with all types of issues thay they will face in their lifetime.

  • Sydney™

    “LOL BUT STILL LIGHT SKIN IS THE RIGHT SKIN!!!”

    I sincerely hope you’re joking. . .

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