Dear Bossip: My Baby’s Daddy Is A Hater

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Categories: News, Sex and Relationships

Hey Bossip peoples. I have a situation and I could really use some advice. I’ve been dating this man for almost 5 months now and I think he’s “the one” lol. I have 2 kids with my ex and we used to live together until I put him out about a year ago. I’m not the type of girl who goes back and fourth with breakups and when it was over, it was over in my eyes. Of course my ex kept trying to come over and spend the night and would even try to get all romantic with me and reminisce about the good times, but I never bought into it. Well since I’ve been dating this guy, he’s been hating. He’ll call and want to come “see the kids” but I tell him that my current boyfriend is there and he can come the next day or the next time he’s available. Now that we’re getting pretty serious and I’m thinking about letting him move in, my baby’s father is really tripping. He’s mean to me and says that I’m being a “bird” and that I’m moving too fast. If I’m going out with him my ex refuses to watch the kids and tells me to find somebody else to watch them, or when he takes them he never answers his phone and brings them back really late. I just want to be happy but he’s hating because I wasn’t happy with him. What should I do?

Yikes! Okay, sis. It sounds like your kids are being put in the middle of a situation that you, your boyfriend and your children’s father should be handling. If you feel like he’s “the one,” then the three of you should be able to talk as adults and come to an agreement about what’s best for the kids before anything else! If their father wants to be active, another man should never interfere with his involvement, period. Have the two of them met yet? If so, does your children’s father trust him around them? You’ve got to establish and master the communication with your ex as it relates to the kids before you can truly move on in a suitable fashion.

You have to remove yourself from the equation and take a look at the long term. Not trying to be cruel, but you didn’t at all mention how your kids are coping with you and your ex’s separation or how your current boyfriend treats them. How have your kids been affected by the tension between you and their Dad? How do they feel about this new person that’s coming around so often? How would they feel if he moved in? Your kids and how they will fare should always be your first concern.

The last thing you want to do is set a tone of inconsistency … your kids don’t need to witness men coming and going. And your children’s father is right, slow down! If your current boyfriend is truly serious about you and he’s in it for the long haul then he’s not going anywhere, so what’s the rush? Do you really think 5 months is enough time to determine whether this man is going to be good for you and your kids? Why are you moving him in so quickly? You can’t be mad at your ex for being concerned and asking questions about his children’s potential living arrangements. So it doesn’t sound like “he’s hating on you,” sounds more like he’s loving his kids. Take your time, sis. Take your time. Hope this helps!

What do you think she should do Bossip Readers?

Remember to e-mail all topic suggestions, questions and feedback to loveandrelationships@bossip.com!

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