Hey Bossip! First of all I want to say that I love your site and your love and relationships posts. I have a slight dilemma that I need to address but I’m not sure how to. I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year in May. We dated for some months and waited a while before we started having sex. I would say that we’re just now getting to a point where we’re both in a sexual comfort zone. I like his style but recently he’s gotten a little too rough. Sometimes he’s aggressive and we get a little kinky which is fine, but the pounding I don’t like. I don’t think he realizes how painful it is while he’s telling me to “stop running”!! I have to because it hurts and the soreness last for days sometimes. He’s well endowed and I’m small framed! Don’t get me wrong now we have great sex but I don’t want to feel pain. I haven’t told him this because I’m not sure how to. I don’t think his feelings would be hurt but I’m just not sure how to say it. Isn’t this ridiculous? Please tell me what you think and how to have this conversation. Thank you!
Sincerely,
Sore
Hello Sore! Thank you for writing in and sharing. So let’s start here and men should take note, there is nothing pleasurable about a man pounding away at a woman’s innards. It doesn’t feel good. Kink is good fun but there’s a very thin line between that and what crosses the line, which also depends on the individual and their preference. But you shouldn’t have to take the pain and you shouldn’t be, in any way, apprehensive to communicate your needs. He’ll understand.
However, there is a way around this … you can stroke his ego and get what you want all at once! Here’s an idea, praise his manhood, its size and how good it makes you feel, but counter it and tell him you’ve noticed that lately you’re sore after your sessions and tell him to take it easy from here on out. Make it a “it’s not you it’s me” situation and he’ll never know the difference! The next time you two engage, tell him if/when he crosses your threshold, in terms of pleasure and pain, and he’ll gladly make the adjustment.
Remember communication is key and if the shoe were on the other foot and you were mishandling his man parts, realize he wouldn’t hesitate to let you know! He’s probably unaware that he’s been hurting you if you’ve been taking it like a champ and saying nothing! Be communicative and talk it out. One thing he probably won’t understand is why you waited so long to tell him. Hope this helps!
What do you think she should say Bossip Folks?
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