What’s up Bossip! I have a dilemma. It might be rare for you to offer advice to a man on his relationship but I am between a rock and a hard place. I am 24 years of age and my wife is 23, we have been married for almost a year and have one child together. The couple of years we dated before we were married we were an item, she would go above and beyond for me and my daughter that I had prior to her and I would do the same for her. Lately it just feels like a one-sided marriage. Almost everyday I hear “I want a divorce, I wish I never married you, never had a child with you,” and etc. It has been that way since our second month of marriage. I am doing everything in my power to keep my marriage together but now it’s getting to the point where I am out of options, especially because I don’t know why or what I have done. Every holiday I go out and buy gifts make reservations and she doesn’t open my gifts and she just wants to sit in the house. She can’t be cheating because she doesn’t go anywhere but work. All I want to do is keep my family together and not be a part-time father. What should I do? Should I give her the divorce or continue to do everything in my power to make it work?
-Young and Married
Good day, Young and Married! First, thank you for writing in and sharing. Second, you should be applauded for wanting to do right by your family and fighting the good fight for your marriage. Okay, you all are a very young couple, so growing individually as people as well as trying to keep your marriage healthy is going to take hard work and dedication. Marriage is work and that’s what you committed to when you took those vows. However, the both of you have to want it to work in order to turn things around. Gifts and dinner reservations are a sweet gesture but they don’t fix the problem(s) . . . whatever they may be.
There are two sides to every story and from what you’ve written, it sounds like your wife is angry with you. And if she isn’t, you may be the object of her aggression and frustration. She may be overwhelmed and struggling with the pressures of being a wife and mother. She may be angry with you for things that she “shouldn’t have to tell you” or things that she feels are obvious. The problem is, from what you say, she’s not communicating these things to you so you can make an effort to fix it. This is a good time to seek guidance from a marriage counselor, if she’s willing. If she is open to counsel that’s a good step in the right direction, so just be ready to work! On the other hand, if she’s hard pressed on a divorce and unwilling to try and make things right, sign the papers.
In regards to you not believing that she’s cheating or lacks the wherewithal to do so, don’t sleep. Women are crafty and hide affairs better than men. This could be the case and a large part of the reason why she wants nothing to do with you. No doubt that sounds cruel and insensitive but it’s a possibility. Keep your eyes open.
So here’s the deal, the line between love and hate is so thin and there’s still a chance she’ll come back to the love you shared in the earlier stages of your coupledom! Essentially, the two of you will either grow together or apart in your union in which you’re constantly getting to know each other all over again! If you guys can weather the storm, your love, marriage and family will be stronger than ever! Guaranteed.
Good luck! Hope this helps!
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