Dear Bossip: Is It My Job?

- By Bossip Staff Categories: News, Sex and Relationships

What’s up Bossip I have a problem. I am a smart, funny, attractive and intellectual woman who wants to be loved just like anyone else. But my problem is men get to caught up on my occupation. I’m a exotic dancer and most of them just don’t seem to take me seriously. Most men I deal with will do all the dinners and dates and phone conversations in the beginning but they don’t stick around for more than 90 days! For a while I thought I was at fault because I used to be quick to sex up someone I’m seeing but now that I’ve stopped that guys think I’m a tease because of what I do to pay my bills. Like I said I want to feel loved just as much as the next person and a lot of the girls I work with always think that it’s unreal fro me to want to be married and have a family like I’m naieve. Regardless of my personal struggles I think a deserve a chance of happinees. Please tell me what I’m doing wrong because I’m ready to give up.

First, thanks for writing in and sharing! So that’s a no! Don’t give up on love! The woes of dating are impartial! Everybody wants to give and receive love, so trust and believe that there’s someone out there for you who won’t judge you based on your occupation. Maybe some of the men you date try to convince themselves that they can handle the fact that you’re an exotic dancer but in reality, somewhere inside, they have a problem with it. Men and women, for that matter, don’t like to share the person they hold close to their hearts and the thought of you showing your body to other men may be too much to handle!

In terms of what you’re doing wrong, that’s hard to decipher. Do you date your clients? Do you come across as the dancer in the club that wants to be “saved” or looking for a way out? Let’s try this: without you saying it, we’ll assume that you’re working towards a larger goal with the money you make as an exotic dancer, be it a degree or two, starting a business or buying a house cash money. Let it be known from the gate that your current job isn’t your permanent career. Discuss your goals, aspirations and the timeframe in which you’d like to achieve them. In order to be “taken seriously” you must display a progressive mode of thinking. I.e. “This is temporary. I have a plan.” Somebody out there can and will respect your hustle if you’re gunning for a larger purpose.

The other thing would be to change your environment. Do you hang out with other dancers when you have free time? One thing you don’t want is to be around people who don’t support you, it makes the energy around you dense and undesirable. Why not take some time to yourself, by yourself and love on yourself. Take an art class. Go to a museum. Paint your living room. Be open to new surroundings and new people, who knows who you’ll meet in the process! Do something that you’ve been wanting to do but haven’t made the time to get it done and do it alone. Being alone is necessary sometimes to sort out your thoughts and come to terms with your “personal struggles” so they don’t hinder your future relationships. Think about what you want out of life, first, then what you want in a man and what you’re willing to give … or give up! Stay positive, sis! Hope this helps!

What do you think she should do Bossip Readers?

Please remember to e-mail all topic suggestions, feedback and questions toloveandrelationships@bossip.com!

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Comments

  • Glok..I spit it so eloquently,..My pistols represent me!

    SHHHH GURL TAKE IT OFF ,..TAKE THAT CHIT OFF …. GOT DAMMIT STRIP!

  • anewme

    It’s going to be hard for a man to take you seriously doing what you do. I don’t think a real man would want his woman working in strip club.

  • Don'tGiveAWhat

    Sad but true, no matter what your circumstances, no matter how good of a person you truly are, most men don’t respect strippers enough to date one openly. It’s a cultural thing. I wouldn’t give up on love, but I’d probably seriously consider holding off on serious dating until I made a career move…,

  • Mr.GQ

    “guys think I’m a tease because of what I do to pay my bills.”

    HO Sit down!!

  • suki suki

    GET ANOTHER JOB. There are other *more respectable* things you can do to make a living.

  • Nique (Cuz I'm a laaady)

    LOL @ that entire letter!

    Girl, no1 wants to claim a stripper after 6am!You have to love yourself first b4 u can expect someone else 2. Here’s an idea; find urself a new CAREER and self-respect and MAYBE, just maybe you’ll find someone 2 love you.

    Oh and u might want to enroll in a GED program while waitng for your soulmate!

    Until then, HO SIT DOWN-ALL THE WAY DOWN!

  • http://consciousrebelle.blogspot.com Aba

    intellectuals are smart enough not to strip. she should remove “intellectual” from her description.

  • C|itoral Stimulation

    i’ve dated a few strippers. broke ones, ballin ones, “going to school” ones. in the end, it all meant one thing – No Happily Ever After…Ever!

    She recognizable to the public, she cant be trusted, she lacks integrity. No go!

  • anewme

    Glok…I swear you a fool! LMAO🙂

  • Angel

    I agree with Cat Eyes and Nique. You took the words right out of my mouth.

  • Miss Jordan

    exactly ….please take intellectual out honey….being a stripper and hustling men does not take too many brain cells…youve got to be kidding…

    mark my word…a man wants a good STRONG smart woman who doesnt take her clothes off for money…NOT WIFE MATERIAL.

    Saying you strip to pay your bills is a pathetic excuse…its for some ppl but not for respectable women looking for a man

  • nsm

    LMAO! @ “Intellectual” and “exotic dance” in the paragraph. Ha! I can’t do it! Good luck with that.

  • RazeKane

    TRICK QUESTION RIGHT? WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD I WIFE A STRIPPER WHO’S JOB IS TO FULFILL OTHER MEN’S FANTASIES. IF A MARRIED MAN HAS A LOT OF OPTIONS WITH WOMEN CHANCES ARE HE WILL EVENTUALLY CHEAT. SAME THING WITH A WOMAN ONLY A WOMAN STRIPPER’S OPTIONS ARE TENFOLD. WOULD NEVER COMMITT WITH A STRIPPER, JUST HIT IT AND SPLIT IT.

  • nsm

    LMAO! @ “Intellectual” and “exotic dancer” in the same paragraph. Ha! I can’t do it! Good luck with that.

  • velvetlily

    Being a lady is hard work. It isn’t always the most fun or the most lucrative option. What we have these days are women who want to act like strumpets and be treated like ladies. The fact of the matter is, you did not do the work and you are not deserving of the bennies.

  • resurrected

    That is very true who wants to wife up a stripper your occupation is so close to always cheating…. Any real person who has worked hard to achieve success is not going to spend that hard work on someone who chooses a fast job for fast cash… To me choosing a job as a stripper should be your last resort not your first… At the end of the day we are not saying don’t love yourself because you are a stripper we are saying that you can not control the response that you might get because you are a stripper… It kind of like knowing that you man is an AIDS test dummies and still marrying him even when you know that marrying this man is the biggest risk of all when you can just be free or choose else where…

  • CAT EYES

    @Brooklyn
    Just tell me you’re joking!!You mean,you could marry a woman that lets men see anything they want on her body for a dollar???

  • cruzan trini

    Once I told my boyfriend that I wanted to strip on stage at least once in my life after I mastered my splits (I’m about 5 inches from the ground now) and that fool had the nerve to tell me that he wouldn’t marry a woman that would strip even if it was just once.

    Well as they say, one monkey don’t stop no show… he and I aren’t together anymore. Not just because of that, but for the simple fact that he judged me so harshly for something I wanted to do. Men have preconceived notions about strippers and what they do, with good reason because there are many strippers that go beyond “exotic dancing” and prostitute themselves.

    If I was this girl, I wouldn’t give a damn about what any man thinks. If he thinks less of you because of your job, then oh well, he is not the man for you.

  • C|itoral Stimulation

    Intellectual and can —- folded dollar bills on you —- while youre —-ing listening to Luda! sounds like a great —-in catch!

  • resurrected

    And then she have a nerve to say that she was sexing up all her dates fast which only proves to them that you are an easy lay and easy and strippers seem to go together in theroy…

  • http://chokolatemilk.blogspot.com/ Choco

    I think she should listen to her friends…and this was a very dumb post becuz this exotic dancer knows why she can’t keep a man – NONSENSE!

  • YaYa Sisterhood

    Not entirely impossible. Didn’t Ice-T marry Coco?

  • rum&indigo

    strippers carry way to many negative stigmas and stereotypes to be taken seriously… any ‘intellectual’ man looking to start a family isnt going to be interested in someone who likes to get rained on for a living. thats just obvious. try a more respectable career path…

  • resurrected

    YaYa Sisterhood

    And he treats her like a hoe as well never seen coco do anything c l a s s y not even on her free time…

  • http://internetmodeling.com/1341 soho

    FOOLISHNESS!!

    MODELS NEEDED www internetmodeling.com/1341 Make CASH today!

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