Lust or Love . . . What’s the Difference Anymore?

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Categories: News, Sex and Relationships

Happy Friday, Bossip Readers! In light of all the recent headlines that are exposing the cheating ways of many, it leaves one to wonder what it is that makes someone recklessly abandon their marriage. Is it simply infatuation or lust? Or are they confusing their casual encounters for love? Either way, the differentiation between lust and love begs discernment lately, no? While it’s completely healthy to lust after someone you love, it’s a gamble to try and turn a fling into a solid, loving partnership! The latter hardly works because it lacks the foundation! With everything being so instantaneous in this day and age, we wait for nothing yet expect stellar results with very little effort. It’s kind of like trying to microwave a gourmet meal – never works. A strong partnership takes time and lots of work. So why should one feel the need to work if the prize has already been won and the goods have already been consumed? We asked a few people what the difference is between lust and love and here’s what they had to say.

Lust is normally synonymous with infatuation. Love, to me, means experience. Lust is funny because when you’re caught in the moment and everything around you, it’s not necessarily the person! The setting, where you met that person or that particular moment sometime gets mistaken for something deeper. But once it’s over and you really start to get to know him, the fire dies and you don’t want him anymore or vise versa. Most people don’t really know what love is and that’s why they’re often confused! Love is hard and never easy. Love is sticking by someone no matter what the situation may be. The moment you start to pray for someone more than yourself, that’s love. – Layla, 31

Lust is a feeling, purely sexual. Loving is not only wanting to have sex with someone but also spending time with them and getting to know them. Love is leaving you with feelings of having some kind of stock invested into the relationship. I wonder how some people do it though. They base their relationship purely on infatuation or lusting after a person. Some people think that if they are attracted to someone, that’s all there is to have in a relationship … almost like lust turns into love by force. Men, when we’re looking for love we want the whole package. She doesn’t have to be a 10 but attractive to me. Maybe come from a good family with good morals and healthy relationships! Hey, that’s a 10! Men won’t stay with a women who doesn’t have more to offer than good sex. – Charlie B., 33

I’ve been guilty of confusing the two once or twice in my life. But now that I’m a little older I can say that lust and love are often confused because people are too quick to proclaim this deep, affectionate love for someone without knowing them while enjoying all the benefits of a long lasting relationship. Does that make sense? Like, I think people confuse good sex with love. You can have phenomenal sex with someone without even knowing their name and so it goes, you meet a someone, you go on a couple dates and now you’re physical … regularly. But a few more months into it, it’s messy and you’re at each other’s throats if it’s not over already. Love takes time and I think the people forget that you have to be friends with your partner first. If you’re friends first, you can overcome all obstacles because the framework is in place. You can’t build a friendship out of lust or an infatuation, in my opinion. – Kay, 29

The huge difference between lust and love is: lust is more of a good time or an “in the moment” type of deal. Love is when you get into the deeper parts of a person. You want to get to know the mental more so than the physical, you start to think about the future with that person and really take a personal interest in them and their well being. And that’s when the romance and the cooking dinners together and the massages come in, it’s the total package, you know? Lust and love get confused because people get tunnel vision, they’re moving too fast and abandon the bigger picture for a moment or moments. But all that means is they weren’t fully invested in the relationship to begin with. Love would pretty much dispel all those urges to go astray. – Kristoff, 30

There’s no real right answer to that. Love and lust mean different things to different people. That’s why it’s so important to get to know each other before you start getting into the physical aspects of the relationship. You should really find out whether your goals and aspirations in terms of love, family life and the future parallel in ways that are beneficial to the both of you. Then you can build. When you do too much too fast you crash and burn. I guess I’m old-fashioned in that way but it’s okay to take your time with these things. I know it sounds like idealistic but I can happen. I have hope. – J.D., 31

What do you think, Bossip Fam? Leave your thoughts in the thread!

Please remember to e-mail all topic suggestions, feedback and questions to loveandrelationships@bossip.com!

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