Dear Bossip, I have a topic for your advice column. I want to know if I’m tripping. I’m 32 and my husband is 37. We’ve been married for 8 years and we have 3 kids. Our oldest is 5 and our twins are 2. When I married my husband I was small framed and was never any larger than a size 4 but now that we’ve had the kids I’m a size 8. I don’t mind the new hips and larger behind but I hate my breasts and stomach. I nursed all of them but the twins took a real toll on my body in the most unattractive way! I’ve been working out since I had them thinking that I could work the baby weight off but the skin on my stomach is loose and stretched (I have horrible stretch marks) and the tatas are not my friends anymore. I was a B cup before I got pregnant but when I was nursing they were DD’s and now they’re just long and ugly! There’s really nothing I can do about the hanging skin on my stomach and I want to get my breasts lifted to where they once were, so I’ve been exploring cosmetic surgery. We’ve got the money and I really want to go forward with the procedures but my husband is not feeling that idea at all. Since we’ve had the babies, my husband has gained about 20-25 pounds and he’s not the slim trim man I married. I love him either way but he beats himself up about his weight gain. I support him and try to get him to come to the gym or take walks with me but he’s too “tired” or “busy”. Then the other night when I approached him about the breast augmentation and tummy tuck he said something along the lines of I’m trying to “get fine again and leave him” or he’s going to be the “fat man with the fine wife” and he fears I will become addicted to going under the knife. That’s so far from the truth it’s ridiculous but he laughed it off and said he doesn’t want me to do it. I hate looking in the mirror and I feel like he should support me since I donated my body to the kids and I want my old one back!!! He says he loves my new shape but he’s not the one whose breasts flop all over the place and fall to his armpits when he lays down!!! How do I get him to support me through this or should I scrap the idea?
Good day, sis! Thank you for writing in and sharing! Let’s start here, there’s nothing greater than the joys of motherhood and a healthy growing family so kudos to you and your husband! But in all honesty, men have no clue of the pains and devastations of childbirth. Carrying children can result in complete body wreckage and with twins, double the damage. Your desires to repair certain areas are shared with several woman who have had children also. Seeing a permanently rearranged body in the mirror is a harsh reality for many women. Hopefully, whatever your choice may be, you will be comfortable and happy with your healthy body.
Your husband, on the other hand, may have several concerns as it relates to your surgical enhancements. The insecurity that he portrays is likely a small reason why he’s apprehensive. You’re in your early 30’s, he’s approaching 40 and this could be somewhat unsettling for him. While there is a hint of truth behind all jokes, he may be frightened by the idea of something going wrong on the table or afterwards. It could be a very genuine concern for your health and safety but you’ll never know unless you talk it out! You should explore his hang ups and get to the real reason why he’s not being as supportive as you’d like. If he won’t budge, give it a rest and revisit the idea once he’s had some time to digest your determination.
What you could do to possibly quell his worries is take him with you to your consultations. Ask him to help you find a suitable practitioner or give him all the background information on the one you’ve chosen. Let him know which boards your surgeon belongs to and the necessary criteria a medical professional must fulfill to be a part of these committees. Have the surgeon explain the procedures, map out the incisions and inform him on what to expect during your recovery and how he can help. Get him involved and he just might get excited with you!
In closing, if your husband really rejects your desires to reconstruct your body, let it go. Your body housed and birthed his children! And if he’s lovin’ on you and not caring where your lady parts fall and flop, let it go! Load up on the coco and shea butters and do what you can naturally. Besides, this is the man you’ve vowed to grow old and wrinkly with and someday aesthetics won’t even play a part in your marriage. Love yourself, sis! Love yourself.
Hope this helps! What do you think she should do Bossip Readers?
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