What’s the difference many would ask. But apparently, for some, a sexual affair outside of the relationship is not a deal-breaker or a means to an end. After speaking to a few people, in terms of physical infidelity the general idea is: sometimes these things happen. Infidelity with emotional investment, however, normally means it’s over! This idea deserves some exploration because sex outside of a committed relationship, it seems, is becoming something that’s quickly omitted while an emotional affair will send someone running to the hills! So what’s the point of COMMITMENT if it’s often violated? It’s completely crazy to imagine that we now have to ask, “you cheated on me? Okay, well … what kind of cheating was it? Did you make love to him/her or was it just casual sex? Because it’d be okay if you just had a fling.” The odd twist of it all is, friendship is supposed to be the foundation of all relationships that are worthwhile and as a rule, we forgive our friends, right? It deserves some discussion! Take a look at what some folks had to say. Oh, and by the way, happy Friday Bossip Readers!
Aw please! I’ve been married for 13 years and I know my husband be doing his thing but I don’t ask questions I might like the answer. Listen, when you have kids and a house and other financial obligations don’t nobody have the time or the money for a divorce! It’s just not a priority in the grand scheme of things. I’m not having sex with him so he’s got to get it from somewhere else and if he comes home happy I’m thanking this b*tch. We’re a fairly happy couple but we’ve definitely had our struggles and when we do I know what time it is. He don’t bring that crap home. The bills are paid, the cars are in the garage, the kids are fed and he does all he needs to do on the home front so I don’t care that he gets around from time to time. I’m not a young as he likes them, I guess, but I’m not above letting him having sex with other women occasionally slide. The biggest double standard is this, if I slept with another man he’d be out the door! Ain’t that nothing? - Harper, 36
Man, if my wife cheats on me it’s not only physical it’s emotional. That’s why they (women) cheat! We do it because we’re greedy. That’s no excuse but it’s what it is! We’ll drink a whole carton of juice and leave a swallow, that’s inconsiderate as hell, right? That’s a bad example but that’s how we treat our relationships also. We’ll ride it out until it’s falling apart and can’t go any further and wonder why it’s not working. Because you didn’t take care of it like the treasure it is and want it to be now that you’ve destroyed it. So if she’s creeping, I’m fu*#king up and she’s pretty much over me… so why bother? I think the signs are there way before the cheating takes place but when you’re so used to being with a certain person for an extended amount of time, it’s hard to let go. - Dre, 29
I would be hurt either way, but I think it would sting more if my husband was emotionally invested in someone else. Both are deal-breakers. The moment I catch him cheating or if he confessed it to me, I got to go. I mean, I’ve been with my husband for 3 years now and even though it’s not easy we make it work. I love my husband and I would be hurt if I even suspected he was cheating. But I say these things now like I would bounce or I would leave him but until you’re confronted with the situation you’ll never know. I think I might try to work it out but how do you come back from that? I just don’t see it happening. – Kelly, 31
I was married and my wife cheated several times. I admit now that I might have been married to my work and neglected her in many ways. So when I found out the first time I was like I’m slipping somewhere because for a woman to cheat she’s lacking from me. I thought that paying the bills and working hard so that we could take those lavish vacations and put our kids in good schools was all I needed to do, so I didn’t leave because I recognized the error of my ways and tried to work it out. Then she did it again and I was like what did I miss? I thought we were on the right track. And I stayed, that time, for the sake of my kids all the while still trying to work on my marriage, which was broken beyond repair in hindsight. You know, there’s only so much a person can take before they just…. before they crack. But for me, I just wanted to know that I had given it all I could before I said, “forget this.” -Anthony, 35
If my man is having an emotional affair, it’s over. Done. Physical cheating I can get over with time but that texting back and fourth or calling each other, I might have to cut somebody. I can get over him having sex with someone because that kind of stuff can happen by chance. Men are notorious for getting caught up in a fat one, they’re visual beings. But I would have to call it quits if he was emotionally attached to another woman. The way I see it is, go be with her if you’re smitten, you know? It would take a larger shot to my pride if he weren’t mentally and emotionally content with our relationship. - Dawn, 30
Please discuss!
Have and wonderful weekend and please remember to e-mail all topic suggestions, feedback and questions to loveandrelationships@bossip.com!
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