In White Folks News: Elvis Died Cause He Was Full Of Sh*t

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Categories: In White Folks News, News

"Elvis Presley Mahalia Jackson Barbara McNair Change Of Habit Set"

It’s important to stay regular, people. That’s all we’re saying. Apparently, it wasn’t being a drugged-up fatty, fatty two by four that did in Elvis. Pop the hood.

FOXNews gets to the bottom of this bummer tale.

It has been widely reported that Elvis Presley died in 1977 from cardiac arrhythmia, an irregular heartbeat, possibly brought on by drug dependency, obesity and a weak heart. But the music legend’s longtime friend and physician, Dr. George “Nick” Nichopoulos, has put pen to paper for the first time and revealed his belief that it was chronic constipation that actually killed the King of Rock and Roll.

“We didn’t realize until the autopsy that his constipation was as bad – we knew it was bad because it was hard for us to treat, but we didn’t realize what it had done,” the doctor explains of Elvis’ condition. “We just assumed that the constipation was secondary to the meds that he was taking for his arthritic pain and for his insomnia.”

According to Dr. Nick, the autopsy revealed that Presley’s colon was 5 to 6 inches in diameter (whereas the normal width is 2 to 3 inches) and instead of being the standard 4 to 5 feet long, his colon was 8 to 9 feet in length.

“The constipation upset him quite a bit because Elvis thought that he could handle almost anything, he thought he was really a man’s man and he wasn’t going to let something like this … he thought that this was a sign of weakness and he wasn’t going to be weak,” Nichopoulos said. “And it’s not the kind of thing you table talk. Back in the ‘60s and ‘70s you didn’t’ talk about constipation much, you didn’t’ hear people complaining about it, or saying what they did or how much trouble they had with it.”

When you gotta go, you gotta go.

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