Bossip please help! I’m really starting to wonder if he’s for real. My man is such the jokester and I’m not sure if he’s joking when he says he is. Maybe I should divulge the details so you can understand. I’ve been with him for….it’ll be 2 years in August. It’s pretty serious and we’ve been making plans to move in together. I’m not from the city we live in but his family is here and I’ve met his parents and his brother and sister and I get along nicely with all of them. Since we’ve been seeing each other whenever I went home, he’s never came with me but since we’re about to make a pretty big move, I thought it was time for him to meet my family face to face. On Memorial Day weekend we went to my hometown and he got a chance to meet my family and for the first couple days everything went really well.
So my best friend moved to California when we graduated college and she made a point to fly in to hang out with me and my boo, they also met for the first time. We went out, the drinks were pouring and we all got faded together and he started talking crazy about wanting to do a threesome with me and my best friend!! We are completely different people, she’s extremely attractive and I’m not above admitting that her style is very unique and amazing. I’m not as creative and stylish as she is so I can totally see why he’s attracted. He went on and on about it that night and my best friend was so put off by it that she’s already decided she doesn’t like him. Anyway, the next day he apologized and blamed his antics the alcohol. But he keeps bringing it up!! Since we’ve been back he keeps saying that it would be his dream come true if I found a way to convince her to join us but I’m not into it and never have been. When I get upset about it, him being the jokester will say, “girl you know I’m playing….unless you want to do it.” He’s got quite the whoring past with women and has said that he’s been involved in threesomes before but would love to know what they’re like now that he’s on his “grown man ish.”
I’m not a prude and hardly ever reject his sexual needs but I’m starting to feel like I’m not enough or don’t fit the bill. I really need to know if he’s serious about his “jokes” or if he’s really kidding because I can’t tell the difference and I need to know before I make this move. Am I making something out of nothing or am I valid?
Hey sis, thank you for writing in and sharing your story! So you got yourself a “jokester” who sounds like the type that will laugh off sensitive subjects to avoid an argument or upsetting you. This will only become a larger problem if you can’t get him to talk straight about things that truly concern you. Everything is not a joke or comedic material and mature men get that, so it sounds like he’s got a good bit of growing up to do.
No, you’re not making a mountain out of a molehill. If you have hang ups with his unrelenting requests of fulfilling a fantasy with you and your best friend and you want it to stop, he should respect that. If he’s genuinely invested in the relationship he would not do or say things to intentionally hurt you or get a rise out of you and that’s where it seems he’s lacking maturity, so your concerns are valid. It’s enough to make you question whether it’s something you can live with, right? But take the time to understand why you’re feeling apprehension to move in together. Are there other reasons that have you questioning your move? Are you disappointed at his behavior when you took him to meet your friends and family? If so, have you addressed it and was his response one that you can trust and believe and can you move on?
Joking has its time and place and its never to be mistaken for suitable means of communication when dealing with hard-hitting issues. Please know that there’s a hint of truth behind all jokes. Keep in mind, though, without communication you have no foundation and the two of you have to work at mastering a style that works best for your coupledom. Always trust your intuition and take your time with this move, sis! Be absolutely sure the two of you are ready to share your living space and daily life with each other, it’s a huge commitment. Hope this helps and good luck to you!
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