A List of Ways to Make A Breakup Less Painful

- By Bossip Staff Categories: News, Sex and Relationships, Top Ten Lists

Good day, Bossip Readers! Here’s to another almost there Thursday! One of our readers responded to yesterday’s post and raised the question: how do you let someone down easy? Well, there is no easy way to end things with someone when feelings are involved and time has been invested. But there are ways to break the news tastefully. Everybody has been on the receiving end of a devastating break-up at some point, while reliving the moment, we’ve all said to ourselves, “man, he/she could’ve said this” or “if he/she wouldn’t have been so nasty, it wouldn’t have been so rough.” Since you know the feeling that you’re about to hand over to your soon-to-be ex, it’s best to be firm yet gentle. Allow the space and opportunity for open, candid conversation. The point is for both people to walk away being a better person and having learned something about themselves that will be useful in future relationships. So here it goes . . . take a look!

Don’t Be a Punk About It – true story: relationships and marriage engagements have been called off via e-mail and text message! Digital break-ups degrade the depth of a relationship leading one to question if the other person was sincerely genuine to begin with. You have to be noble about these things and, as hard as it may be, have the conversation face-to-face and if that’s too much, a phone call will suffice.

Be Firm in Your Decision – that whole make-up to break-up business is for the birds! You know, the on-again, off-again madness? Then when it’s finally over, you’re not really sure because you’ve been down this road several times before and the both of you are wondering if “it’s really over this time.” Never use a break-up or “space” as leverage to get what you want out of someone because after that you can’t be taken seriously. Don’t waver with words like “maybe in time” or “if you had . . . ” Leave no room for question if “the fat lady’s singing.” It’s over . . . done . . . finished.

Thoroughly Explain – state your case. Let him/her know how you came to the decision to end things. Give them a general idea or specific event that marked the point of no return for you. You’ve likely had a discussion explaining why you’re unfulfilled in the relationship prior to its end, acknowledge the adjustments he/she and you tried to make to see it through and why it’s not going to work for you.

No Rehashing – there is absolutely no need to drudge up catastrophic events and hard times! You can’t dwell in the pain from the past if you’re moving forward, make sense? If you’re firm in your decision to split, then there’s no need to kick up dust or take him/her through the a variance of emotions. If you’re a peace with it, then peaceful it will be!

Allow Ventilation – again, the idea is for the both of you to walk away having learned something and, ultimately, be a better person because of it. When you’re not allowed the time, space and ear to vent your frustrations and why you might agree or disagree, you’re leaving or taking away excessive baggage. Once everything is out in the open, there’s just not much to harbor and he/she will move with ease.

Be Sensitive – if you’ve been out of reach for a week and finally call your significant other over to “talk.” then you already know you’re dropping a bomb that’s going to rock his or her world. There may be tears, fits of anger and cross examination, but you have to stay cool answer all questions the best you can and give them a moment if they need it. Remember, if it were you you’d expect a certain level of sensitivity.

Closure is Key – you both need closure. It may not come on the same day or within the same week for that matter. You know how you walk away from a situation saying, “dang, I should’ve asked this and said that.” Take some time and narrow it down to three, maybe four, questions or comments and mail them in letter form to him/her and expect no response. This is only meant to be therapeutic and to get any last thoughts off your chest. Take it step further and hold on to the letter for a week or so and if you feel the same intensity you felt when you wrote it, send it! If not, can it. Sometimes, literally, expressing your feelings onto a sheet of paper is all the closure you need.

Either way, this is not an easy conversation to have with anyone and it’s even more painful to be on the receiving end, so keep that in mind when you’re in the throws of a breakup because you never know when you might be the “dumpee.” You get what you give, no?

What are your thoughts, Bossip Readers?

Please remember to e-mail all topic suggestions, feedback and questions to loveandrelationships@bossip.com!

Comments

  • I Am Legend

    UMMMMMMMMMMMMM NO

  • http://urnotpdiddyloser 5'10" AKILLAH RICHARDS

    Keep it moving. Nothing worse than seeing someone talking sheet, hating, and whining like a beach ESPECIALLY A MAN. KEEP THE PERSON’S RESPECT AND YOU MIGHT GET SOME MORE. LOL

  • http://urnotpdiddyloser 5'10" AKILLAH RICHARDS

    CHICS BUSTING OUT WINDOWS, TALKING SHEET ABOUT THE DUDE TO HIS NEW GIRL, DUDES SCANDALIZING THE GIRL’S NAME, THINKING THEY’LL STOP HER FROM SCORING HER NEW DIMEPIECE…FAIL!!! THAT SHEET IS OBVIOUS AND REPULSIVE. KEEP IT STEPPING, YOU’LL THANK YOURSELF LATER.

  • Are You Serious?

    Break up with me? I don’t think so…now I got to cut you.

  • auntdoggandauntfail

    lolz at @I am Legend I don’t think the people you truly love ever really leave your heart where there is honesty, loyalty, and respect. Trust is important definitely, but communication can work out the trust issues.

  • Glok....Lawda Mercy Big Botti Gyal!!!

    IF SHE A STAN OF BEYONCE TELL HER THAT SHE BREATHE SMELL LIKE CHIT …AND YOU CANT WAKE UP TO THAT SASHA FIERCE BREATHE NO LONGER…SHE’LL UNDERSTAN!
    … BOOK OF GLOK CHAPT 69!

  • ??

    If a person doesn’t want to be with you anymore just be an adult about it. Sometimes its better to just walk away thats why I stay single so I don’t have to deal with the mess of relationships.

  • Nun like Baton Rouge

    O yea so simple if the person thats in love with you is not a psycho and doesnt want you to ever move on. This make up break up thing is some bullshhhhh.

  • that damn sh#$ disturber

    yeah that works for the man who actually has some sense. but for the cocky ones in denial that don’t get it, you have to use a different approach. i enjoy playing stupid with them. casually change the subject, always compliment them, let them think they came up with the idea, keep everything light and funny, etc. by the time they realize what happened, you’re already gone…

  • Glok....Lawda Mercy Big Botti Gyal!!!

    HERE’S A GOOD ONE, CALL HER MOM NAME OUT LOUD WHEN PHUKKING HER DOGGY… SEE HOW EASY THAT BREAK WILL BE!

  • conceitedcutey

    @5’10” AKILLAH RICHARDS
    Totally agree

    once it’s over it’s over. don’t do any of that childish mess….crying, screaming, busting out windows, revenge. that’s idiotic. just act like a clazzy lady and leave it

    if you are a fly chica he will be begging for you back in no time. that will be your opportunity to tell him HELL NO!!!

  • Choco

    yeah that works for the man who actually has some sense. but for the *****y ones in denial that don’t get it, you have to use a different approach
    ____________________________
    Agreed even when you want to be civil someone else wants to make it ugly

  • conceitedcutey

    But to be real i’ve never really been broken up with, i’m always the one to end it. i’m one of those heart breakers who play games and mess guys head up. not proud of it but hey that’s life

    the best ways to break up with a guy is to ignore his calls, he will get the message after a while

  • ITS ALL GOOD IN THE END.

    I WAS WITH SOMEONE FOR 5YEARS AND THIS HAPPENED TO ME. LOVE WAS BLIND. THIS NICCA WAS A STRAIGHT B***TCH (FEMALE MALE PUPPY). HE WAS A HATER FOR REAL. I THOUGHT BY DOING SOME OF THE THINGS TO PLEASE HIM WOULD MAKE HIM HAPPY BUT THE ONLY THING IT DID WAS CHANGE ME FOR THE WORST AND ADDED MORE THINGS TO THE LIST THAT HE DIDNT LIKE. IT WAS A LEARNING EXPERIENCE FOR ME.
    I WAS STRONG BUT HE MADE ME WEAK AND WHEN I HIT THAT WEAKNESS IT WAS ALL BAD. I BLAME MY SELF,NO ONE ELSE. NEVER LOOSE YOUR TWO STEP. HE ENDED UP CHEATING ON ME, BUT LIED ABOUT IT. ONCE I FOUND OUT I MOVED WHILE HE WAS GONE ANT WORK AND HE AIENT SEEN ME SINCE. IT WAS REALLY HARD, BUT I HAD TO DO THIS BECAUSE I LOVE MYSELF NOW I HAVE A NEW MAN,IM HAPPY, I’M NOT IN PRISON, I’M LOVING LIFE, AND I CAN BE MY REAL SELF. EVERYONE ONE IS NOT MEANT TO BE TOGETHER. AND MALE HATERS IS THE WORST.

  • Mika

    Now-a-days n*ggas is throwing acid in womens face and killing them and their kids if you break up with them! Sometimes you just never know, in some cases you have to leave town to get rid of some dudes…

  • conceitedcutey

    young people get serious way too quickly, that’s why they go through all the heart break and messy stuff. have fun whilst you are young then get serious later in life. that way you won’t have to worry about how to break up with someone

  • Glok....Lawda Mercy Big Botti Gyal!!!

    CONCEITEDCUTEY!
    KARMA IZ BTYCH ..YA DIG!

  • ReALiSt aKa ReALeSt (StRoNg WiLL CoNTiNuE!!!)

    Bust the nutz in her eyes and say ciao..

  • conceitedcutey

    @Glok

    that’s very true but bad things happen to good people all the time, if i do get my karma i will just charge it to the game and deal with it
    love is a fools game. if you’re not hurting the person, the person is hurting you. i just make sure that i’m not on the receiving end of all that mess

  • conceitedcutey

    i couldn’t imagine someone coming into my face and being like ‘hey sweety, i don’t want to be with you anymore’….. sorry but that’s not me. Learn from other people experiences. i know a guy who is married and he has a child with another woman. the wife has no clue that he is having an affair and has another child.
    i read statistics somewhere that said up to 50% of men are raising children that are not biologically theirs, they have no idea that they are not the father of those lil brats.
    love is a fools game

  • http://urnotpdiddyloser 5'10" AKILLAH RICHARDS

    @CONCEITED CUTEY@5’10″ AKILLAH RICHARDS
    Totally agree

    once it’s over it’s over. don’t do any of that childish mess….crying, screaming, busting out windows, revenge. that’s idiotic. just act like a clazzy lady and leave it

    if you are a fly chica he will be begging for you back in no time. that will be your opportunity to tell him HELL NO!!!

    YEAH BUT THE KILLING PART IS THE DUDES ARE WORSE THAN THE GIRLS. LOL. YOU’RE LIKE, “DUDE YOU’RE KIDDING RIGHT?”

  • Lady K

    It’s know easy way to break someones heart. It’s going to hurt for awhile, then time will heal your broken heart. trust me I know…

  • Brooklyn, Stand UP!!!

    mmmhhhh, brain storm.

  • http://urnotpdiddyloser 5'10" AKILLAH RICHARDS

    lol I missed you guys, I was in a meeting. You know we get STUPID in the relationship posts.🙂

  • http://urnotpdiddyloser 5'10" AKILLAH RICHARDS

    man I swear to God just last month this dude killed his girl and then himself in the middle of the highway!! Im like “DANG BRO!” match.com, cupid.com, CRAIGLIST.com lol j/k

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