Dear Bossip: I’m Sleeping with My Husband’s Brother

- By Bossip Staff Categories: News, Sex and Relationships

Bossip I need to get something off my chest. I can’t talk to my friends or family about this but I’m between a rock and a hard place. I’ve been with husband for 10 years and we’ve been married for 7 years in September. We have 2 boys, 5 and 2, and I would give my life for my family. Me and my husband have been having problems for the last 2 years because he’s been going out of town for work a lot and I don’t trust that he’s all business and no play while he’s away. I didn’t like the idea that he would be gone in Vegas and other big cities for two and three weeks at time and when he came home he would be too tired to give me any attention or even help with the kids. After having my youngest son, I felt alone and was always at home with the kids by myself. While he was on the road, my husband’s brother who is also married with older kids would come by and pick up my oldest son and take him to get a haircut or bowling or to the basketball court. He was basically doing all the manly things my husband doesn’t do. Him and my husband are like night and day. My husband being a corporate man and his brother owns a landscaping business. My husband is very studious, straightlaced and matter of fact but his brother is sort of street smart, self taught works with his hands kind of man. For the longest time his brother and I didn’t get along and we constantly bickered back and forth but the more my husband traveled the closer we became. Back in April we had a bar-b-que at our house and his brother was there talking about how much my son has come along with dribbling a basketball and my husband got jealous and made a scene saying that he had kids of his own to raise and that he needed no help raising ours. His jealousy went through the roof when I backed his brother and told him that I appreciated that he makes the time to do these kind of things with our sons. The next week when my husband left town his brother called and asked if it was okay to come and get my sons to take them putt-putting and asked if I wanted to come along and I did. We had a good time and we came back to my house and I cooked dinner for all of us, the kids ate and fell asleep. I had a few glasses of wine and he had a few beers and the next thing I know we’re on the kitchen floor having the best sex I’ve had in years. I felt horrible about it and thought it was a one time ordeal and was scared to face my husband when he came home. For about a month I avoided all his brother’s phone calls and didn’t want anything to do with him. Within a few weeks my husband had made arrangements for him to make use of some of our lawn equipment that we don’t use and he came to pick it up. I opened the garage door so he could get what he needed and leave and he came in the house to let me know he was leaving and I said okay thanks but he closed the door behind him and starting kissing me and once again we had sex. I can’t resist him and we’ve slept together 4 times since then. I can’t go on this way. I’m constantly paranoid that they might argue and his brother will go off and tell him that we’ve been sleeping together. Every time my husband calls my heart races thinking that he knows and he’s caught wind of it. I don’t know what to do because I don’t want to leave him but I’ve developed feelings for his brother. Please tell me what to do.

Good day to you, sis! Thank you for writing in and sharing your story. Oh dear, this is so scandalous on so many levels! Curse that Pandora’s box . . . but you sure opened it, huh? You’re sleeping with your brother-in-law! He’s your children’s uncle! When you took those vows with your husband, he became your family! He’s supposed to be that secondary support for his brother (your husband) in terms of the time he spends with is nephews, that’s what families do! Seriously, ma . . . an extramarital affair is hurtful enough but your husband’s brother? Based off what you’ve written it sounds like you succumbed to your loneliness and a little bit of attention from a man opposite your husband – athletic, a little thug appeal because he’s “street smart” and “works with his hands,” and he also happens to be your brother-in-law. It also sounds as though you two have found the passion the both of you are lacking in your marriages. This is not okay. You have violated unspoken boundaries that most people wouldn’t dare cross and, as a result, you are now living in fear.

When the two of you decided to romp around on your kitchen floor, you ran the risk of losing your families! You guys have nothing to gain, everything to lose and for what? Something that can never be! Come out the clouds, sis! The feelings you have for your husband’s brother you have to ignore because nothing good can come from this. The both of you have too much to lose and it would be in your best interests to stop sexing each other up while your man is out of town. Secrets like these never stay in the dark and whether one of you ends up confessing or somehow you all get busted, it’s going to be felt across the board – from your husband to the kids and your brother-in-law and his wife and kids.

Again, what happens in the dark will always come to light, very seldom do secrets of this magnitude make it “to the grave” so with that being said, you can do one of two things. You can continue on with life with your husband and kids and be haunted by your paranoia until he finds out, because he will. It could be today, tomorrow, next week, next year or years from now but until then you will continue to be tortured by your conscience and that’s no way to live. Which leads you to your second option and that’s telling him the truth and either part ways or try and work it out if he wants to but you will have no say in the way things transpire from that point on. Powerless. Since you don’t want to leave your husband, chances are you’re going to try and keep your affair a secret. However, in his defense, it’s unfair that he’s caught in a love triangle and has no clue. If you love him, love him enough to the tell him the truth and allow him to decide what he wants to do and how he wants to handle the situation. He deserves to know the truth and a chance to free himself from the madness you and his brother have created. Do the right thing, sis. Do the right thing.

What do you think she should do Bossip readers? Confess or take it to the grave? Please discuss.

Please remember to e-mail all topic suggestions, feedback and questions to loveandrelationships@bossip.com!

Comments

  • lani3000

    Boo this woman.

  • LYRICS

    OH CHILE U GOIN’ 2 HELL!!!

    NOW I’LL READ THE POST!!! LMAO, BUT IN ALL HONESTY THE TITLE SAYS IT ALL!!!!

  • Man, I just don't care™

    **R. Kelly voice**

    “I don’t seeeeee nothing wrooooong.”

    Keep it to yourself and move on. Your hubby prolly fugged your sister too. It’s all good.

  • lani3000

    naw but for real. Your husband works too much and dont pay you enough attention. No excuse to cheat though.

  • LYRICS

    same comment….even after readin’ the post!!!

    @ Man, I just don’t care

    U KNOW U WRONG, RIGHT!!!??? LMAO

  • Choco

    I can’t judge but I think you should be talking to a therapist or a priest-
    You let your vulnerability get to you and you are ruining two families I mean his wife may find out and take him back I doubt your husband would want you after he found out-It’s odd becuz you really can’t face anything in life-You can’t confront your husband and you can’t confront your husband’s brother-also known as your brother in law sad to say you need a lot of inner reflection and then self-esteem you will come out looking pathetic and desperate

  • chi chi

    dont say nothing, no good will come from it, somethings are betah left unsaid…matter of fact hire a private investigator to follow ur husband cause something is not right with him

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  • Ahra

    No don’t tell your husband keep it to urself, but STOP f**king ur brother in law. If you tell him trust that he will have nothing to do with you maybe if you sleeped with someone other then his brother he would give you a chance…TAKE THIS SECRET TO YOUR GRAVE.

  • E

    well what to do is not that hard to say, but when the D is good to you, then it becomes more complicated. Here is something to think about. Anyone that would mess with their brothers wife , or sisters husband cannot be trusted for anything. It means that they have no love for their brother, and If they don’t love their own blood brother, then what about you..im sure there are exceptions, but as a basis…well

  • cat

    Advice given by someone who clearly has not been in a long term relationship before. Take this episode to the grave and have a heart to heart with the brother and tell him that you cannot continue the escapades. You and the brother have too much at stake. THe person giving you advice neglected to say, that the brother’s life would also be ruined because his wife would find out too. Keep this to the grave.

  • Choco

    I don’t know this ish seems like it will hit the fan I mean where is her sis n law n all this – women’s intuition is a motha and a scorned woman is the worse

  • Allie

    This is definitely a sticky situation by i agree with Ahra because who knows your husband could be cheating while he’s away on his business trips

  • Choco

    Also if this story is real y on earth would she post it on the internet…scenario is not difficult to compare

  • Butterscotch™

    “Back in April we had a bar-b-que at our house and his brother was there talking about how much my son has come along with dribbling a basketball and my husband got jealous and made a scene saying that he had kids of his own to raise and that he needed no help raising ours. His jealousy went through the roof when I backed his brother and told him that I appreciated that he makes the time to do these kind of things with our sons.”

    __________________________

    That part of the woman’s story is very telling. You don’t interfere when your spouse is having a disagreement with a family member in public, much less take the other person’s side. Bottom line, she needs to stop sleeping with her brother-in-law and get some therapy. She obviously has deeper issues with her marriage than she is letting on.

  • Man, I just don't care™

    We all have a person or three (or 4)that we slept with that we probably regret.

    It’s really not that big a deal. She shouldn’t tell her husband but if she does he gets a free pass to fugg someone else. It’s the only way the marriage can survive.

  • sexymike

    If her husband had been handling his business in the
    in the bedroom instead of being a workaholic she would
    not have to get sexed up by her brother-law.As to what the situation in her brother in law marriage was who knows.

  • Choco

    @Money
    You feel for the husband who is gone for two to three weeks and comes back home with no affection, adoration or attention for his wife….The husband is getting Karma but the wife will end up worse

  • Me

    Confess your sins to God almighty. Ask for forgiveness. Break off the relationship with the brother by thinking only of how devastated and torn down your children will be if they find out, or walk in on your shadiness. Seek counseling and get a hobby—but not anything to do with men. You are feeling this way and acting on irrational behaviors because your self esteem is in the crapper. Ask your husband to seek counseling with you. But don’t, I repeat, DO NOT, tell him you have been sleeping with his brother. He may snap and try to kill his brother or you or both of you. I know this because the same situation happened in my family to my brother. His wife cheated on him with my other brother who had just been released from prison. The odd thing is the calm brother who was the husband was the one who ended up cracking and he tried to kill my other brother. You are not doing anyone any good by getting this off your chest—by no means are you helping your husband to unload your mistakes on him and destroy the life he and your children know. You should indeed take it to the grave, break it off for good, and perhaps convince your husband to move the family closer to where he conducts most of his business…that will help you get away from a temptation that is too close. Unless you really don’t care about your children or your husband….think long and hard—if you destroy your life, the lives of your babies, your husband’s life, your brother in laws life…..that needs to be some real good nookie….sound stupid? Exactly! No NOOKIE IS WORTH THAT. Grow UP AND TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR ACTIONS, FEEL THE GUILT YOU DESERVE TO FEEL, AND PUT SOMEONE ELSE’S WELL BEING AHEAD OF YOUR OWN. That, little girl, is love.

  • Lez

    @ ME

    She needs to tell her husband not keep it a secret, you telling her to not say anything is the dumbest s**t I ever heard, women like you give honest good women a bad name, who cares what the after math would be they deserved it. SMH

  • Bobby Womack

    I think it’s sad we can’t trust our brothers and sisters because one of them is “street smart”. It’s sad because females never kno wat they want even while married. Sad to see, she needs to get her mind right and come clean.

  • Choco

    I don’t see any good from telling the truth she better abstain and pray that this ish never comes to light and confront her husband

  • PayMeRPayMeNoAttn

    Whew i know that d!%k was good☺

  • Lez

    Thou shalt not lie, thou shalt not commit adultery. SHe better tell him because if she doesn’t it will come to light one way or another and the outcome will be worse then if she just would have come clean in the first place. People these days have no morals.

  • Me

    @LEZ–I am not going to engage you in a chat room argument because this isn’t a forum where intelligent conversation can be had, especially with someone who hides behind a monitor and caps on the advice another human being is trying to give someone to save their lives. Crimes of passion are real…people do die from this type of thing. I won’t encourage her to tell the husband and incite rage, bitterness, and anger in him and I won’t act like disregard for a life is normal, even if the person made the worst mistake ever. There is not one of us who has gonr through this life unscathed or without making mistakes others would see as intolerable. Love covers a multitude of sins and the best she can do for her children, her husband, and herself would be to love him enough to spare him from the pin of her stupidity. He didn’t make the mistake—she did. She should have to live with it—-not him. And in the process, she could be sparing the lives of herself, the brother, and her own children. I haven’t been in this situation personally, but, you can believe, if I hasd made this mistake, I would not tell my husband the very thing that may cause him to break mentally and eradicate our whole family.

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