Dear Bossip: I’m Sleeping with My Husband’s Brother

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Categories: News, Sex and Relationships

Bossip I need to get something off my chest. I can’t talk to my friends or family about this but I’m between a rock and a hard place. I’ve been with husband for 10 years and we’ve been married for 7 years in September. We have 2 boys, 5 and 2, and I would give my life for my family. Me and my husband have been having problems for the last 2 years because he’s been going out of town for work a lot and I don’t trust that he’s all business and no play while he’s away. I didn’t like the idea that he would be gone in Vegas and other big cities for two and three weeks at time and when he came home he would be too tired to give me any attention or even help with the kids. After having my youngest son, I felt alone and was always at home with the kids by myself. While he was on the road, my husband’s brother who is also married with older kids would come by and pick up my oldest son and take him to get a haircut or bowling or to the basketball court. He was basically doing all the manly things my husband doesn’t do. Him and my husband are like night and day. My husband being a corporate man and his brother owns a landscaping business. My husband is very studious, straightlaced and matter of fact but his brother is sort of street smart, self taught works with his hands kind of man. For the longest time his brother and I didn’t get along and we constantly bickered back and forth but the more my husband traveled the closer we became. Back in April we had a bar-b-que at our house and his brother was there talking about how much my son has come along with dribbling a basketball and my husband got jealous and made a scene saying that he had kids of his own to raise and that he needed no help raising ours. His jealousy went through the roof when I backed his brother and told him that I appreciated that he makes the time to do these kind of things with our sons. The next week when my husband left town his brother called and asked if it was okay to come and get my sons to take them putt-putting and asked if I wanted to come along and I did. We had a good time and we came back to my house and I cooked dinner for all of us, the kids ate and fell asleep. I had a few glasses of wine and he had a few beers and the next thing I know we’re on the kitchen floor having the best sex I’ve had in years. I felt horrible about it and thought it was a one time ordeal and was scared to face my husband when he came home. For about a month I avoided all his brother’s phone calls and didn’t want anything to do with him. Within a few weeks my husband had made arrangements for him to make use of some of our lawn equipment that we don’t use and he came to pick it up. I opened the garage door so he could get what he needed and leave and he came in the house to let me know he was leaving and I said okay thanks but he closed the door behind him and starting kissing me and once again we had sex. I can’t resist him and we’ve slept together 4 times since then. I can’t go on this way. I’m constantly paranoid that they might argue and his brother will go off and tell him that we’ve been sleeping together. Every time my husband calls my heart races thinking that he knows and he’s caught wind of it. I don’t know what to do because I don’t want to leave him but I’ve developed feelings for his brother. Please tell me what to do.

Good day to you, sis! Thank you for writing in and sharing your story. Oh dear, this is so scandalous on so many levels! Curse that Pandora’s box . . . but you sure opened it, huh? You’re sleeping with your brother-in-law! He’s your children’s uncle! When you took those vows with your husband, he became your family! He’s supposed to be that secondary support for his brother (your husband) in terms of the time he spends with is nephews, that’s what families do! Seriously, ma . . . an extramarital affair is hurtful enough but your husband’s brother? Based off what you’ve written it sounds like you succumbed to your loneliness and a little bit of attention from a man opposite your husband – athletic, a little thug appeal because he’s “street smart” and “works with his hands,” and he also happens to be your brother-in-law. It also sounds as though you two have found the passion the both of you are lacking in your marriages. This is not okay. You have violated unspoken boundaries that most people wouldn’t dare cross and, as a result, you are now living in fear.

When the two of you decided to romp around on your kitchen floor, you ran the risk of losing your families! You guys have nothing to gain, everything to lose and for what? Something that can never be! Come out the clouds, sis! The feelings you have for your husband’s brother you have to ignore because nothing good can come from this. The both of you have too much to lose and it would be in your best interests to stop sexing each other up while your man is out of town. Secrets like these never stay in the dark and whether one of you ends up confessing or somehow you all get busted, it’s going to be felt across the board – from your husband to the kids and your brother-in-law and his wife and kids.

Again, what happens in the dark will always come to light, very seldom do secrets of this magnitude make it “to the grave” so with that being said, you can do one of two things. You can continue on with life with your husband and kids and be haunted by your paranoia until he finds out, because he will. It could be today, tomorrow, next week, next year or years from now but until then you will continue to be tortured by your conscience and that’s no way to live. Which leads you to your second option and that’s telling him the truth and either part ways or try and work it out if he wants to but you will have no say in the way things transpire from that point on. Powerless. Since you don’t want to leave your husband, chances are you’re going to try and keep your affair a secret. However, in his defense, it’s unfair that he’s caught in a love triangle and has no clue. If you love him, love him enough to the tell him the truth and allow him to decide what he wants to do and how he wants to handle the situation. He deserves to know the truth and a chance to free himself from the madness you and his brother have created. Do the right thing, sis. Do the right thing.

What do you think she should do Bossip readers? Confess or take it to the grave? Please discuss.

Please remember to e-mail all topic suggestions, feedback and questions to loveandrelationships@bossip.com!

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