Reality vs. Fantasy: What’s the Difference Anymore?

Posted on August 26th, 2010 - By Bossip Staff

Categories: News, Sex and Relationships

Good day, Bossip Readers! Here’s to another “Almost There Thursday!” Have you ever had one of those nights where you purposely avoid large crowds to go to a low-key bar or lounge where you think you’ll find a good time, good music and engage in casual conversation with interesting people? Only to get there and the whole scene looks like one really bad rap video – half-naked women giving the catty up-down and once-over to every female that passes as if she’s sizing up her competition, trying to gauge who will be the first to snag the attention of whichever man at the bar is buying drinks. Meanwhile, the men at the bar are overwhelmed by the plethora of options before them. All too often the scantily clad, industry-ready paper doll trumps the down-to-earth individual. So the question is, how does one compete with societal illusions that suggest you can, in deed, have it all in exchange for very little? In other words, the line between reality and fantasy is slowly fading and the idea of having to put in work to acquire and sustain a substantial union is a distant memory. We explored the notion with a few folks who were willing to share their thoughts and here’s what they had to say!

These thirsty broads will do it all for nothing! The f*ck he want to marry me for when he can have the next b*tch every which-a-way? I don’t have a fighting chance with any man if I’m not, literally, giving up the goods! And the number of people (men and women) who are willing to drop a little cash for some a*s and vice versa are increasing by disproportionate numbers. It’s hard out here for someone who is willing and waiting to share a life with someone they care about and genuinely love. - Renee, 29

Man, listen. It would suck to be single again, I can’t even lie to you. Me and my wife have been together for 7 years and we have our fair share of problems. Trust me when I say this, I can’t imagine dating again. When me and my wife really get into it and she starts talking crazy, it makes me work at it a little harder because I’d prefer to work on what I have instead of ‘starting over.’ My single friends are miserable. Chicks out there don’t be about nothing but what bills you can pay for them and what you can buy for them or what places you can take them to and whatever else you can do for them. I think brothas have lost sight of the benefits of marriage or being in a committed relationship because they can re-up on any given Sunday, you know? – Robert, 35

How can you compete? I mean, we see people in high places doing irresponsible things in their personal lives. Granted, it’s not the public’s business how many women banged Tiger Woods throughout the course of his marriage but the homewreckers are suddenly famous and posing for Playboy spreads? Even though they would never admit it, I think some people use others’ actions as a means to justify their fouls ways and not feel so alone in their indiscretions. You can, in fact, stalk a man and marry him. You sure can! Why not abandon your wife and kids for “the love of your life” and knock her up while you’re still married? Why not? Swizz Beatz did it too. The black image is on such a low vibe and it’s sad.- Brandi, 33

In most cases, the easy route takes precedence, unfortunately. Depending on what kind of night I may be in the mood for will determine the type of woman I end up pursuing. It’s easy for a man to get caught up in having the luxury of having what he wants. You can actively date a girl for a few months, get tired of her and move on. Yeah, it’s that easy so it’s almost like, what’s the incentive if I can the best of both worlds? I will settle down when I’m ready. I know it’s selfish but that’s what it is, in total honesty. -Trey, 30

It’s a shame that women feel like they have to put themselves out there like that. Of course, a barely-there blue dress will get you all the attention you want but is it the type of attention you want? A lot of girls thrive off that kind of mess and wear the wh*re spirit like a badge of honor. Then someone like me is quickly overlooked because I have a less than inviting demeanor. When, really, I’m just bracing myself for whatever may come out of a dude’s mouth because they’re quick to shell out indecent proposals and get mad when you dismiss him! Please exit my space! I’m not obligated to talk to you . . . I bought my own drinks, dammit! Come correct or not at all, please. - Michelle, 30

What are your thoughts, Bossip Readers? Please share them below!

Please remember to e-mail all topic suggestions, feedback and questions to loveandrelationships@bossip.com!

  • My Other SN

    Glad I’m out of the rat race.

  • http://urnotpdiddyloser 5’10″ AKILLAH RICHARDS(D.K.N.Y. boys like me a lot)

    this is why I dont go to clubs- and Im single. smh. I HATE THIRSTY PEOPLE-MALE AND FEMALE. SMH

  • if anything be noble

    Pray. Seek the Lord. He will guide you. If you use human tactics, conniving, maneuvering and effort, you will get human results. But seek the Lord for your mate. He knows and will help you establish your bloodline. “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you– to give you a future and a hope.”

  • http://www.myhairparadise.com www.myhairparadise.com

    Check out myhairparasdise dot com to learn how the food you eat can promote healthy hair

  • Me

    You know what? I’ve had a 6-year-long abusive relationship with this Freddy Krueger whom I call “my baby’s father”, but I’m glad that’s over…After splitting with him – I was partying non-stop and dating several men @ the same time…And now that I’m close to 30 – where are those men now????? I was being promiscuous thinking that if I may give that man what he wanted at the time – he’ll get hooked & eventually come around…But that did not happen…Why would you want a man who is clearly going to make your life a living hell simply because he does not want to commit???Staying classy, professional and being yourself may be a lonely experience for a while, but after all the games are done – the man always ends up with a REAL LADY! Now, when I see hoodrats stalking a man I just smile because I know that whatever they may have going on isn’t going to last long in a first place…Keep your head up, ladies!

  • dallascutie95

    This is so true on both side..so what is there for the single woman to do?

  • Bossip Iz The Shiz

    Well the photo describes the situation I mean look at it. The ratio of women to men, all of em mad cause they gotta share, and the reality of is that there just ain’t gonna be a room full of women that’s there for the same man and they’re not fighting each other. All of em look unhappy and uninterested.

  • if anything be noble

    And re: the question of reality vs. fantasy… reality would be the spiritual, the eternal, the things that will never fade away.. Focus there because all the mess we do (the wearing of the hoochie dresses, the flashing of the wads of cash…. that, my dear friends would be filed under “fantasy.”)

  • key

    is that akon?

  • that damn sh#$ disturber

    and you’re not thirsty!?!?

    robert’s comment “Chicks out there don’t be about nothing but what bills you can pay for them and what you can buy for them or what places you can take them to and whatever else you can do for them” describes you to a T and you admitted that yourself!!!

  • resurrected

    Fantasy is not basis on seed time and harvest but plain on imagination that does not have to based on no point or or boundaries. Fantasy living makes you feel that you don’t have to have any accoutabilities for your actions and choices real life hold you accounable.

  • resurrected

    Spiritual reality help you keep all things in moderation and help you to keep a balance life style because without balance all you have chaotic.

  • if anything be noble

    Fantasy is flesh… all about me, all the time me…. and me some more. Getting my needs met, doing what makes me “happy.” Me on top of me sprinkled with me with a me cherry. Reality isn’t.

  • Glok … She Simply Delicious!

    I CANT STICK MY DIK IN THE WEBB CAM ,…THE THE DIFFERNCE!

  • aqueenwaits

    FYI: GOD is ALWAYS IN CONTROL. So don’t blame HIM. HE gives all of us a free will and when people choose the wrong thing to do, they end up on the wrong side of life……everytime.

    Bottom-line, we can’t live this life RIGHT without HIM!!!

  • S.a.s.s.y24

    I agree 100 percent

  • Mimi

    Thank goodness I am not looking for love right now, because I know I couldn’t deal with the “looking for while up in club” politics. But then again, I wouldn’t be looking for Mr. Right in a nightclub anyway. Most men are probably looking for a Miss Right Now and the skeezer in the ‘hoochie mama’ dress looks like she could fit the bill.

    And anybody who is expecting to meet a Mr. Right/Ms. Right in a nightclub, is going to be disappointed, in my opinion.

  • @ Me

    @ ME your a DAMN FOOL! How are you going to stay with someone for 6 years who is abusive, then bare a child for him what are you INSANE? this is why men don’t want to wife you because you are dumb.

    ..and this is a woman saying this

  • chaka1

    This is Miami Beach every night of the week. I used to think it was the only way to meet a man.

    Funny thing is, you meet the most men went you are out doing normal things like going to the gym, sport events, shopping, etc. The key is to be in places where you have no competition and all attention is on you.

    Worked for me (as I stare at my engagement ring).

  • Too tall

    Mang go sit yo tired fat married azz down somewhere U ain’t happy just stuck like chuck with a stick up his butt!!!

  • juliemango

    Not all the men some women dress for @ the club want them- a gay guy i onced worked with told me some things about the dls who visit him after the club!!!

  • deelucious

    Stop with the spam ok? If we wanted to know about hair we’d google it

  • Sanriobaby =^.^=

    All I have to say is THANK GOD I’M MARRIED!!!!

  • loveblackbabe

    I support interracial relationships! I believe love has no color!

    ___ interraciall oving * C o m ___

    This club is for those of us that don’t discriminate! This is to all my people who don’t care about somebody’s ethnic background, just how they are on the inside.

    If you want to find an sincere interracial relationship. If you are serious. Come and join us!

    ╭⌒╭⌒╮╭⌒╮~╭⌒╮

    ,)))),”)~~ ,”~)

    ╱◥█◣ ╱◥█◣

    |田|田||田|田|

    ╬╬╬╬╬╬╬╬╬╬╬╬╬╬

  • hmmm

    We all know that when you’re out looking for love or true companionship you don’t find it, but when you’re not looking or in an existing relationship you meet all types of ppl.

    I think ppl shouldn’t try so hard to find a mate. Just be you, better yourself daily, be happy, live and have fun. Regardless of where you frequent, natural beauty and good character will always shine through to the right person. Don’t get mad because the skanks in the club are getting all the attention, be glad its not you, unless you like being used. Let natural chemistry and attraction take place. And stop being superficial and picky like singer Chilli .. you’ll really be single forever!

  • WTF

    Clubs are nothing but a fashion show and who you know. Half of the people there work bummie a*s jobs and can’t afford to take you out to a decent restaurant on your first date. I’m 30 years old and I went out the other night with my boys and I was like do all of the females shop at the same place and do they all have weaves now. I’m terrified to goto a club again, it’s so much of the same music and same females I can take. Plus they all looking for a baller, I can buy a table everyday of the week but for what? (to please some 21 year old)….GTFOH

  • yuta

    hehe i loe

  • Bite Me

    I agree. But it is also important to stick to your own morals and values. If a lot of men are just sleeping around and on to the next all of the time, why would you want him?

    It’s funny, I was just telling the guy I am talking to, about how I’ve been single for over a year. He was like “what…why…what’s wrong?” As if having sex, being w/ a bunch of dudes someone makes me more attractive or confident.

    This is really where America is right now. It’s sad but true. I still won’t compromise myself for a all-around lover. I rather be by myself and safe than in a relationship w/ someone and still feel by myself…cause he’s busy getting becky from the “easy chicks.” Smh @ it all

  • Real314

    that’s one of the problems we have now, everybody believing in this imginary friend for grown ups….you might as well believe in the Easter bunny or big foot, or hey the loch ness monster will do as well

  • Rihanna’sSharpNPointyWitchyFingernailsTookTheOath

    they all look hungry

  • http://urnotpdiddyloser 5’10″ AKILLAH RICHARDS(D.K.N.Y. boys like me a lot)

    chick Im at work right now and 50 hr a wk every week. Im not faqing anyone and I dont go to clubs. how thirsty is that? you know what end your obsession with me right now. I dont have time to explain myself with you.

  • http://urnotpdiddyloser 5’10″ AKILLAH RICHARDS(D.K.N.Y. boys like me a lot)

    what’s it to you anyway? dont reply.

  • Sha

    I think if you get into any lifestyle, it becomes your reality.

    It’s not good it’s not bad…

    it is what it is.

    Q: How do you compete???

    A: When in Rome do as Romans do.

    not a guarantee you’ll get what you want, but you’re in there.

    But really, on the outside looking in is that what you really want?

    if so, have at it! :P

  • Me

    Don’t you just love how “imaginary” people say our Heavenly Father is until they are caught in one of life’s bitter storms? When there is a gun to your cranium or you are heading head on in a collission or you have been diagnosed with a terminal illness—no one denies there is a God because they are too busy praying to Him to get them out of that situation.

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