Sextra: Help! I’m Scared to ‘Get It From the Back’

Hello Bossip! I read your sex and relationship column all the time and I’ve noticed a few posts where people discuss some of their intimacy complaints and I thought maybe you could help me out with my problem. I’m a woman in my early 30’s and I have a successful career, house, car and what I believe could end up being a promising relationship. I grew up in the church and when I was a child my mother and father preached abstaining from sex until marriage. I went along for most of my life but eventually lost my virginity when I was 28 with my fiance at the time. It wasn’t the smartest thing to do but I was ready to experience intimacy. We ended the engagement about a year later but it was for the best and I’m at one with it. I’ve been dating ever since but I’ve only been with two other men, one being the man I’ve been seeing for about a year now. I love him, he’s good to me and there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for him and vice versa. He’s very experienced with women and sex but me not so much. I haven’t been totally honest with him about my lack of knowledge and know how but I’m sure he knows and so far he’s been very patient. I’ve done research online, bought books and magazines trying to learn more about what men like but application is not as easy as I thought and some things I’m just not comfortable with just yet. Lately he’s been wanting to “hit it from the back” as he says and I am not comfortable with it yet. Like I said he’s patient, but I’m not sure if my unwillingness to do certain things will cause a problem down the line. I’ve seen some of the magazines that he keeps in his closet and they’re pretty graphic and raunchy and I’m having a problem with the idea that that’s what he wants to do to me. Am I crazy? How do I overcome the fear of being sexually free? Can you shed some light on my situation please? Thank you for your time.

*Editor’s Note: the woman who wrote the letter has communicated to us that “vaginal entry from behind is what I’m talking about. Not anal.” Apologies for the confusion, sis!*

Happy Friday, sis! Thank you for your readership and for writing in! So you’re a little apprehensive about sexually freeing yourself, huh? Here’s the deal, you held out on your sexual experience for a good while and that’s hugely admirable! However, the catch is this, it’s going to take some time for you to get completely comfortable with yourself, first, and then your partner. The upside is, you have someone who you say is patient so, if this is the case, he’ll do what it takes to make you feel at ease with trying new things and pushing your sexual boundaries at a pace that you’re okay with. It’s completely normal to be a little nervous about something you’ve never done before so, no, you’re not crazy! But one must remember that what you won’t do, someone else will! Be his freak, sis! You don’t want your sex life to become boring or mundane.

With that being said, try and lighten up a bit and realize that sex isn’t staged and as glamourous as it appears in the movies and magazine spreads. It’s a beautiful thing to share and be intimate with someone you love, so don’t get caught up how you might look from certain angles and positions that you find less appealing or taboo. Know and trust that he’ll love the visual once you decide to let him “hit it from the back.” And with men, the raunchier the better! All things “nasty,” when the time is right, is superb . . . splendid . . . magnificent. You’ll like it, he’ll love it! You might just grow to love it more! Seriously, as primitive as it looks, it serves it’s sexual purpose for women! He’ll be able to reach certain spots that could heighten sensations and intensify your orgasms! A large part of him (no pun intended) wants to do it for you! Don’t think, feel . . . and enjoy!

Again, communication is key! You should be up front with your apprehensions and let him know why! You should not be ashamed to share what you call a “lack of knowledge” with the man you envision a future with! Your honesty will strengthen your communication and, ultimately, create the level of trust you need to venture out of your comfort zone with him. So, talk to him, be open and honest and don’t be scared! Unleash your inner-vixen, sis, she’s in there . . . and she wants out!

Talk to her, Bossip fam! Please share your thoughts below!

Have a wonderful, safe holiday weekend and remember to e-mail all topic suggestions, feedback and questions to loveandrelationships@bossip.com!