Dear Bossip: ‘I Just Don’t Like His Daughter’

Dear Bossip, I’ve been dating this man for a little over five months now and things are pretty serious. I wanted to get to know him when I met him because he seemed like a standup guy. After talking over the phone a few times, he let me know that he is a single dad and that he has full custody of his 14 year old daughter and normally I don’t date men with kids. After I thought about it I decided I was willing to compromise my standards and continue seeing him. Well I don’t like her. She is an evil little girl and does things to come between us. For example, she was over a friends house and she had her friend text me from her phone saying that she was with her father the night before knowing I was at the house. She did it to get a rise out of me and once we got to the bottom of it, she laughed it off as a joke. What I have a problem with is he didn’t do anything to punish her. How I was brought up, you don’t play like that with grown folks. That’s just one of the several things she has done to p*ss me off and I’m getting to a point where I might put an end to our relationship because she is in the way and I just don’t like her. Am I overreacting or should I stick around?

Hello to you, sis! First thing’s first, thank you for writing in and sharing your story. Okay, so this is the first time you’ve dated a man with a child and, in this case, she’s a teenager. Well, your man should be applauded for taking full custody of his child, that’s a standup man thing to do . . . and a little girl at that! Without disclosing the details behind why he’s a single father, one must imagine the conditions that would prompt anyone to remove a child from their mother’s care – that’s the first part. Let’s evaluate the other half which is the inevitable dynamic between a father and his daughter and, to reiterate, she’s a teenager! But just so you know, the first rule of thumb when it comes to “grown folks” and their kids is: stay in your lane and merge with caution. If you really want to put an end to things, why don’t you tell him how you really feel about his daughter? Or, critique how he disciplines her, you don’t know what he said to her outside of your presence or . . . what she said to him about you.

Now, you’re a grown woman calling a teenage girl “evil” and saying that she’s “in the way” is unsettling. How do you think he would feel if he heard you speak of his daughter in this way? That young lady is “Daddy’s little girl,”she’s not going anywhere and if anyone is “in the way,” can you guess who it may be? She’s at a vulnerable stage in her life and you should know because you’ve been there! Have you ever thought that maybe she’s seeking your attention on some level? You’ve failed to express whether you even want to get to know her. Have you tried to get to know her . . . at all? Especially after the prank she pulled (as wrong as it may have been) no parts of you wanted to explore why she would do that to you? We all did stupid sh*t when we were teenagers, even you can realte. Since you’re the adult, why don’t you take her and one of her friends out to lunch and have girl talk, go get pedicures, prepare a meal for her father together? Take a genuine interest in her thoughts and interests and get to know this young lady and you might just grow to love her and vice versa! You’ll never be her mother but you can surely be her guide or confidant — an even if things don’t work out between you and her father, she can call you anytime kind of woman in her life. So don’t “stick around” unless you’re truly invested. That’s how you date the “grown folks” you speak of and, once you reach a certain age bracket, most “grown folks” got kids!

If the aforementioned is not an option for you, then move on, ma. That little girl and her father are a package deal! And for you to think that you’re deserving of all his attention is a clear indicator that you should probably re-upgrade your “standards” and discontinue dating men with children because you will have to share the time and attention. You say you don’t like her and from the way it sounds, the feeling is mutual. So, spare the child the heartache of having to deal with you if you’re not serious about getting to know the both of them . . . and spare him (and yourself) the time. So, you should decide if you really are into this guy enough to get to know his daughter or keep it movin’, sis!

What are your thoughts, Bossip fam? Please share them below!

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