Damn, What Do You Really Want?

- By Bossip Staff Categories: News, Sex and Relationships

Good day, Bossip Readers! Here’s to another “Almost There Thursday!” After reading through some of our love and relationships articles, one of our male readers sent in a passionate e-mail explaining his position and how he doesn’t “get women.” Seriously, how many times have we had this conversation with a close friend and/or family member(s). This discussion is not gender specific either because women say the don’t understand men either!

In the e-mail the man expressed the notion of “women say they want a man that does this and that and when they find him, he’s too soft or too nice or isn’t quite rough around the edges enough.” He went on to tell a story about how he had invested his time in a relationship only to find that the women he was dating was still sleeping with her ex and her excuse was, “you’re always working and never spend time with me. This is where I’m confused! You say you want a man with a job, car and his own place and as a man, that’s what I’m supposed to do! I’m 32-years-old and women don’t motivate me to do that sh*t for myself. I take care of myself!! I’m in good shape and I’m mentally sound! What am I missing here?” He described himself and eligibility in few words, “I’m no pretty boy Billy D and I’m not a thug but I’m a man who knows how to treat a woman. Damn what do you really want??” Do you even know? I’m convinced that women don’t know what they want and that’s why men suffer.”

The statement is as simple as the topic is complex! Can we prevent pain and “suffrage” by knowing what we want and are willing to compromise? Are you realistic in your thought processes? Or, are we so caught up in a feeling, connection or chemistry — so blinded by love our standards and expectations take a back seat? That is until the flame defuses and you find that the two of you might not have so much in common (other than attraction) and he/she is not the “one.” So we asked a few of our lady readers, “what do you want in man?” Not surprisingly, it was hard for some to articulate what they want versus what they don’t want. And some know, without and shadow if a doubt, what they want in a partner.

In conclusion, he said, ” I challenge your woman readers to speak up and say with conviction, what they want.” Take a look and please discuss!

Wow, why is that such a hard question? I can tell you what I don’t want, for sure. What do I want? Hmm, I absolutely know what I don’t want and that’s a scrub. What I mean by that is, I want my man to know what it means to be a man. I’m not a needy chick so don’t take me not calling for a day personally. Or expect me to be the problem solver in the relationship. I want a man with a job and drive! I want him to have direction, like, I don’t want to have to show him the way to his own success because , if I do, then he’ll want me to do everything else for him. I want him to be as established as I am so we can match each other instead of compete, does that make sense? That’s what I want! – Teresa, 29

I want a man with a dream. I want him to chase his dreams like I do mine. I want him to know what he wants and how to go about getting what he wants, I only want to be the enhancement or the person on the sidelines cheering, I don’t want to be the work slave! I do believe it can be equal but as long as we share similar goals like being a parent, home ownership or big business! We just need to be on the same page, futuristically. If he’s all bark and no bite, I don’t want it. But if he’s focused but can still find time for me, he’s perfect! I just want him to want what he’s after like I am and we’ll be good! – Kelly, 28

Really, I want a man who’s not weak. I don’t want that dude that gets with a white girl because he’s looking for an easy way out of his problems, you know what I’m saying? I don’t want that dude that spends more time with the next broad than he does his own seed. I don’t want a weak-willed man who’s influenced by all the dumb a$$ videos and reality TV. If he don’t know that that ISHT is fantasy then I can’t fawk with him because he’s operating off a totally different principle. If he don’t want the real, then he don’t need to fawk with me. I tell you what, the real reason why black men are into all kinds of other broads is because they stopped being scared of us. Not saying they should have ever been but you remember that damaging cartoon with the big-breasted black woman talking reckless on the porch, that was a design and a whole different conversation. But, for real, they stopped wanting to please black women and we got too arrogant. Like if you raise your voice or bust the windows out his car he’ll get right . . . no! He can get a bunch of other ITCHBAYS that will s*ck his johnson and all that without the drama. If a man can recognize that, then, in my opinion, he’s not sleeping. What was the question, again? – Lady, 33

I want a man that wants more than he has and acts accordingly. If he didn’t have a man in his life, then I want him to be all he desired for his kids and not fall back on the “I didn’t have a father” excuse. I want a man’s man that knows what a woman wants instinctually. I want him to take care of himself while caring about the people in his life including me. I want a man that can rock me to tears in the bedroom and ignite a passion in me that only he can fuel. I think real men know how to do that but let’s be clear, a man like that is a man of God. He’s gotta be a God-fearing man to please a real woman. – Sandra, 29

Stay tuned for what the fellas had to say next week! What are your thoughts, Bossip Readers? Please share them below!

Please remember to e-mail all topic suggestions, feedback and questions to loveandrelationships@bossip.com!


  • Hannibal


    • nide

      I love this , So does– My boyfriend. I met him via —D iamondR omance ℃○M— a nice place for seeking _Rich romance and love, which gives you a chance to make your life better and open opportunities for you to meet the attractive sin gles and treat you like a king or Queen. Maybe you wanna check it out or tell your friends. @@@ ;) ;)

  • I'm Just Me...Keeping It Real Since: 1983

    Boooo! I am not reading all of that!

    • Blacchyna


    • Blacchyna

      That was funny as h*ll to…

    • Bunny(formerly Angel/UrHeiness)

      Topic seems boring too so I agree LOL

  • I'm Just Me...Keeping It Real Since: 1983

    Oh I read plenty. Let’s not assume everything is interchangeable. This is crap so I am not reading it. I have read plenty of legitimate several page long articles. This is just junk and you know it!

    • BookWorm

      Hmm. Well “I’m Just Me…Keeping I Real Since: 1983”, with all due respect, you’re in my peer group and it baffles me that you would be so crass. You should know that (in our generation) you can learn a little something from everything and everybody in any place regardless of where it comes from. With that in mind, people who open books have open minds so I don’t believe that you read anything other then these blogs. If we are the future then we have so much work to do! Oye.

    • Only the strong will continue

      @ Book Worm…I agree and I also “lol”-ed at your comment. “Oye” *dead*

  • Blacchyna

    Well… I think as a woman we say we want the ideal man who cooks, clean take care of home and himself has nice finances and is fine. On the other hand I prefer a man that does NOT let me take control him. Aggressive and rough around the edges.. He can have nothing, but if he has potential and he is Fine then I’ll date him. I don’t mind driving him around sometimes and picking up the tab when we go out. As long as he can give me comfort in the areas I need him too I’m game. Caue I know when he comes up ill be coming up right alone with him.. And if not on to the next Fine DUDE..



    • understandingoverignorance

      Are you fat with a job?

      No hate just wondering…

    • Jay

      This is the reason you are single. I want a woman who flys in the air and fights crime but it aint going to happen.

      But you black females settle for any old White boy, old gray haired and goofy looking.

    • Blacchyna

      To the both of you fellas.. Don’t mean to toot my own horn, but I’m the BOMB. Not only black women with low self esteem deal with men who are less fortunate then others. Hell it’s hard for the average black man with limited edcuation, who has grown up in the hood to have a whole lot anyway. Sometimes they need a good woman on there side to give them a push or helping hand.

      Fyi, I’m not single and I am black and chinese, so the black side of me says who cares what you think. And the Chinese side of me says.. Me love u long time…

    • CutieReppinNY

      You can tell this is one of them broads with no substance, that probably been hoppin from d*ck to d*ck for years. One of them chicks that every hood dude tells is fine just so he can try to f*ck. It’s clear that her priorities are way out of whack. So you’d be willing to drive a man around, and pick up tabs for him, but only if he’s fine (LOL). That is Birdology at its finest. By the way, if you’re the bomb why do you have such low standards and date losers?

    • Blacchyna


      That’s what I’m talking about give it too me..

      Well I’ll do you a favor don’t have any kids, and don’t want any.. Damn! why do a person always have to have low self esteem because they chose too deal with the less fortunate. Like you always been on top from birth. Please.. Its’ my puzzy, I do what I like with it. I don’t need a hug, I need a scrub…

    • Blacchyna

      Such harsh words, did I just hit a nerve or something. It’s all good. I’m going to always keep a man because as I said before I’m PHAT. I choose the man, they don’t choose me. So if I prefer a brotha who is Well in doubt instead of well off in other areas, who can treat me like a Queen without going in his pockets.. Then it’s all good with BLACCHYNA.

    • Blacchyna


      LOL.. thanks for the correction… I love it when I learn something new….LOL.. Man you good your on top of your game.. Don’t feel sorry for me.. I love my life.. Just make sure you love yours and enjoying it to the fullest.. I’m still PHAT…that’s not going to change… I can be all you want me to be sweetie…

    • Blacchyna


      You got to be a female….

    • jazzie91

      @CutieReppinNY I agree with everything you said

  • http://bossip GAT TURNER

    Wants pull you farther away………..Desires pull you kloser!

    They won’t get what they want!

  • http://bossip Lauren

    The main thing I have to have off tops is a ” connection”. We have to have some things in common, or I may feel intrigued by our differences. Respect is a demand….and the rest can be worked out ! What I have to offer in a relationship is support, respect for him and mainly myself, goals, values, independence etc. I can’t cook but it’s something I can make up for in other areas. The main problem we face male or female is immaturity and ignorance in a relationship. We seek something we know nothing about, no goals or expectations are set and the purpose is unknown.

    • understandingoverignorance

      Are you fat with a job?

      No hate just wondering 5’5 145 or more…

    • http://bossip Lauren

      Now I was with you when you asked ol girl that..but what did I say to give that impression? Btw i’m 5’6 125

  • Cougar_Lover

    Stop Wanting and get ta getting it….SHYT!!! i wanted some taco bell and the round tha corner one was close so i drove 20 mins to the other one and i ate all the same lol

  • Blacchyna


    If I was fat with a job… I wouldn’t tell you..

  • Dilla

    Every woman is different so one woman cannot speak for all of us. What one female finds appealing in a mate I might not find that a priority of my list of qualities. I think things people should keep in mind when dating are that you can’t change anyone, you have to accept them as the come. Ask yourself can you tolerate it? “It” being any little quirk that person my have. If people would just ask themselves the simple 2 questions when dating they could avoid making mistakes by getting involved with a person that’s just not right for them.

    • Blacchyna

      True, true..

  • Dilla

    A few typos *sorry* I 4got 2 proof read.

  • A Beautiful Dream

    A man with a Big Dyck, a fast tongue, who can eat pu$$y, who is mute, who will do whateva I ask, with FAT pockets!

    I can dream, can’t I

    • Blacchyna


  • Only the strong will continue

    itself* apologize for the other typos :D

  • rainbow

    Some women are just dumb and the mistake that this man is making is trying to lump all women in one category. We are all different.

  • attitude

    I can only speak for myself but I usually fall for guys with great personalities. They like to talk, they like to spend lots of time around me, and I can accept them the way they are, no change required. In this situation it seems the guy spent too much time at work and his girl stepped out on him. There is nothing wrong with him, she had needs he wasn’t taking care of. Relationships end, people grow apart, this is the way of the world.

  • whatever

    Thanks Rob!

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