Damn, What Do You Really Want?

Good day, Bossip Readers! Here’s to another “Almost There Thursday!” After reading through some of our love and relationships articles, one of our male readers sent in a passionate e-mail explaining his position and how he doesn’t “get women.” Seriously, how many times have we had this conversation with a close friend and/or family member(s). This discussion is not gender specific either because women say the don’t understand men either!

In the e-mail the man expressed the notion of “women say they want a man that does this and that and when they find him, he’s too soft or too nice or isn’t quite rough around the edges enough.” He went on to tell a story about how he had invested his time in a relationship only to find that the women he was dating was still sleeping with her ex and her excuse was, “you’re always working and never spend time with me. This is where I’m confused! You say you want a man with a job, car and his own place and as a man, that’s what I’m supposed to do! I’m 32-years-old and women don’t motivate me to do that sh*t for myself. I take care of myself!! I’m in good shape and I’m mentally sound! What am I missing here?” He described himself and eligibility in few words, “I’m no pretty boy Billy D and I’m not a thug but I’m a man who knows how to treat a woman. Damn what do you really want??” Do you even know? I’m convinced that women don’t know what they want and that’s why men suffer.”

The statement is as simple as the topic is complex! Can we prevent pain and “suffrage” by knowing what we want and are willing to compromise? Are you realistic in your thought processes? Or, are we so caught up in a feeling, connection or chemistry — so blinded by love our standards and expectations take a back seat? That is until the flame defuses and you find that the two of you might not have so much in common (other than attraction) and he/she is not the “one.” So we asked a few of our lady readers, “what do you want in man?” Not surprisingly, it was hard for some to articulate what they want versus what they don’t want. And some know, without and shadow if a doubt, what they want in a partner.

In conclusion, he said, ” I challenge your woman readers to speak up and say with conviction, what they want.” Take a look and please discuss!

Wow, why is that such a hard question? I can tell you what I don’t want, for sure. What do I want? Hmm, I absolutely know what I don’t want and that’s a scrub. What I mean by that is, I want my man to know what it means to be a man. I’m not a needy chick so don’t take me not calling for a day personally. Or expect me to be the problem solver in the relationship. I want a man with a job and drive! I want him to have direction, like, I don’t want to have to show him the way to his own success because , if I do, then he’ll want me to do everything else for him. I want him to be as established as I am so we can match each other instead of compete, does that make sense? That’s what I want! – Teresa, 29

I want a man with a dream. I want him to chase his dreams like I do mine. I want him to know what he wants and how to go about getting what he wants, I only want to be the enhancement or the person on the sidelines cheering, I don’t want to be the work slave! I do believe it can be equal but as long as we share similar goals like being a parent, home ownership or big business! We just need to be on the same page, futuristically. If he’s all bark and no bite, I don’t want it. But if he’s focused but can still find time for me, he’s perfect! I just want him to want what he’s after like I am and we’ll be good! – Kelly, 28

Really, I want a man who’s not weak. I don’t want that dude that gets with a white girl because he’s looking for an easy way out of his problems, you know what I’m saying? I don’t want that dude that spends more time with the next broad than he does his own seed. I don’t want a weak-willed man who’s influenced by all the dumb a$$ videos and reality TV. If he don’t know that that ISHT is fantasy then I can’t fawk with him because he’s operating off a totally different principle. If he don’t want the real, then he don’t need to fawk with me. I tell you what, the real reason why black men are into all kinds of other broads is because they stopped being scared of us. Not saying they should have ever been but you remember that damaging cartoon with the big-breasted black woman talking reckless on the porch, that was a design and a whole different conversation. But, for real, they stopped wanting to please black women and we got too arrogant. Like if you raise your voice or bust the windows out his car he’ll get right . . . no! He can get a bunch of other ITCHBAYS that will s*ck his johnson and all that without the drama. If a man can recognize that, then, in my opinion, he’s not sleeping. What was the question, again? – Lady, 33

I want a man that wants more than he has and acts accordingly. If he didn’t have a man in his life, then I want him to be all he desired for his kids and not fall back on the “I didn’t have a father” excuse. I want a man’s man that knows what a woman wants instinctually. I want him to take care of himself while caring about the people in his life including me. I want a man that can rock me to tears in the bedroom and ignite a passion in me that only he can fuel. I think real men know how to do that but let’s be clear, a man like that is a man of God. He’s gotta be a God-fearing man to please a real woman. – Sandra, 29

Stay tuned for what the fellas had to say next week! What are your thoughts, Bossip Readers? Please share them below!

Please remember to e-mail all topic suggestions, feedback and questions to loveandrelationships@bossip.com!