Where Are My Parents?

Soulja Boy Vibe Magazine digital outtakes

Dear Mr. Jenkins and Ms. Way: We understand being the parents of a teenage millionaire must make a lot of things easy to overlook. But we’re gonna need you to come get your child.

Because clearly, nobody around him is gonna stop him from saying stupid things or doing dumb sh*t. Your cute little boy now looks like a sideshow freak. Like if this rap thing doesn’t work out, he can compete for the most tattooed man in the world.

And the tattoos themselves aren’t the issue. But we’re pretty certain that if our kid came home with some random broad’s lips tatted on his neck, we’d take some kind of action.

Please reign this little boy in before he can legally start drinking next summer. ‘Cause alcohol will only make matters worse.

And while you’re at it: please tell him that a pretty boy’s swag does not include having the world see his droopy drawls on television.

We thank you.

VIBE

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