Dear Bossip: I’m in Love With Another Man

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Categories: Love and Relationships, News, Sex and Relationships

Dear Bossip! I need some advice. I am 34 and I am currently dating my Boyfriend of four years this past October. He is 26 and in the military great guy!. We have been living together for the last 2 years. I love him, we have a great relationship he wants to get married when he finishes school and start a family. We just moved into our house and everything is great! He’s just a little jealous, but I tolerate it. We have a lot in common, we both ride motorcycles and we have a lot of fun together. April of this year he went to his home town to visit for 3 weeks. My cousin and I where at a house party when this guy approached me and asked my name. We hit it off instantly, we had a connection unlike no other. We kept in contact from that day forward. We hung out allot and I started lying to my boyfriend and taking trips out of town every weekend. 3 months later my relationship with my boyfriend started going down hill. I was considering leaving but I just couldn’t do that to him. I continued to see this other guy even though my relationship was failing because of my wrong doing. Finally the guy I was seeing broke it off, he said I was breaking his heart and he couldn’t take it anymore. He said he loved me and wanted me to himself. He said he wanted to be the only one in my life. I was devastated I cried for days, neglecting the good man I had at home because I was heartbroken by another man. 1 month goes by no contact with the other guy. Until one day I seen him at the Sprint store and we automatically rekindle our romance. Well be known to me, he got involved with someone and they live together now. He tells me he is still in love with me. I can feel the magic that we still have is strong. He said he wants to give me all the things I desire in a man and more. He hasn’t exactly told me he’s living with anyone yet. I used to go and stay over his house, but he has moved and I’m not able to come over anymore. We spend as much time as we can together but not like we use too. I’m in love with him and he is in love with me. He sneaks out to be with me and I do the same to be with him. I don’t want to hurt my boyfriend he loves me very much but I’m in love with another man, now he has some one in his life. Bossip I Know I should not be upset but it really hurts my heart to know that he goes to another women every night and it’s not me. I don’t know if I should move on with my boyfriend knowing I’m in love with someone else, or just let the other man go for good.

Sincerly,

Sighs of a broken heart.

Good day to you, sis! Thank you for writing in and sharing your story! So you threw your four-year relationship under the bus for a man you met at a house party? This is really too much for all parties involved and if you don’t put an end to it, it will only get messier. You’ve got a man, who’s significantly younger than you and who is serious about being with you! Why would you even entertain another man’s advances if you were already involved with your live-in boyfriend? Why would you risk a potentially successful relationship for a man who is involved with someone else? Why? Without being cold or curt, your heartache is a result of your own decision making so, you now have to live with the consequences. There’s an old saying that much of our pain is self-chosen. If that’ s true, then all that you’re going through right now, you brought upon yourself and, as a result, selfishly upon someone else.

This situation is difficult to assess without questioning your motives with your current boyfriend. Seems like you were moving in a progressive fashion with him and your giving into temptation with a perfect stranger so easily is baffling! Sounds like the young man you moved in with doesn’t meet your standards or expectations in some way(s), otherwise, creeping around with another man would not be option … or a thought for that matter. You’re the older party in this scenario and you’re experienced in life enough to know the type of repercussions these kind of situations can bring about. So, you had an instant connection but you made the choice to explore it? Maybe it’s the age difference? Is the man you’re sneaking around with closer to your age? At this point, those details don’t matter. The point is, you’re dating a younger man but you’re the one displaying less than mature, adult-like behavior, unfortunately.

Right now, Ma, there’s not a whole lot you can do. However, if you really want to do the right thing, you should free your boyfriend. Yes, set him free and let him live his life. He sounds like a dedicated man with a good head on his shoulders. There are plenty of women out here who would love a man with those qualities … and love him selflessly — without the lies, deceit and cruel intent. He deserves that kind of love, doesn’t he? So, free him up so he can connect with someone who will return it. Let the other man go or continue to see him, that’s your choice, but you absolutely cannot do this at the expense of someone’s happiness! Let that young man live his life and you move on. How would you feel if someone robbed you of you “golden years” -playing games with your heart and emotions? That’s not right, right? Do the right thing, let him go and live your life however you want, sis. Do the right thing. Good luck to you.

Sigh, Bossip Fam … what are your thoughts? Please share them below.

Please remember to e-mail all topic suggestions, feedback and questions to loveandrelationships@bossip.com!

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