We Watched American Idol Last Night And That Sh*t Was _________

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Categories: American Idol, News

Jennifer Lopez, Steven Tyler, Ryan Seacrest, Randy Jackson

The new judges for American Idol made their debut last night with millions of people watching. The reviews are in and most people think the show was ____________.

A judgeless mess. Steven Tyler and J Lo joined Randy to do everything BUT judge the talent. It was evident to anyone watching last night that the one thing missing was the mean.

Critics weighed in throughout the show and flooded blogs with opinions throughout the night and the consensus is in. The talent is meh and the judges are blah.

The first time new gatekeeper Jennifer Lopez had to face the essential task of delivering less than sunny news, she threw up her hands and cried, “This is awful. I can’t do this.”

Even if a contestant had the voice of a deaf yak, she would simply look away, or default to a “deer-in-the-headlights” stare.

When called on to deal with a similar unfortunate situation, fellow newbie Steven Tyler would fashion a pre-set look of empathy and offer a canned suggestion that the kid plow a less daunting path.

For much of the show, Steven Tyler lusted after everything with 2 legs and for a second, you could almost forget he’s in his mid sixties. (Maybe he’s been mummified and preserved by drugs and alcohol.) But for the most part, his plastic face and and impromptu rocker squeals provided the lions share of the comic relief. (And there was very little.)

Thankfully, Randy didn’t “dawg” us to death, but then again he didn’t dog anybody, all night. He never even said someone was ‘ehhhh, kinda pitchy’ which is usually what he ALWAYS says.

J-Lo spent most of the evening whining about telling the contestants they sucked. Considering the fact that she was never known for her vocals, we’re not surprised she had a hard time telling people the truth. She obviously has a hard time telling it to herself.

Overall it gets about a 4.5 on a scale of 1 to 10. What y’all think?

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