Sextra: He Wants Sex When I’m on My Cycle!

Hello Bossip. I hope I don’t come across as a prude or sexually immature but I’m 29 years old and I recently got engaged over the holidays. My fiance and I have a very active sex life and we really enjoy each other on an intimate level. I will gladly admit that we have a lot of sex we never go more than two days without it unless I’m on my period. There are times when I’m tired but I never reject his sexual advances and that goes for him as well. Since we’ve been engaged he keeps saying that there are some things that I’m going to have to get over and one of those things is having sex while I’m on my cycle. He says that’s “that’s my sh*t” and all we need is a towel. I’m willing to please him in other ways while I’m menstrual but I just can’t bring myself to do it. I feel like I’m kind of depriving him but at the same time I feel like he can get over it. Do you have any suggestions on how to address this matter?

Hello and Happy Friday to you, sis! Thank you for writing in and sharing your story! This is a touchy subject for some because it’s a personal choice that should not be questioned, it should be respected! Men have no idea what it feels like to be bloated with cramps, headaches and swollen body parts that are often sore to touch. Now, add all that discomfort to the viciousness of bleeding from your lady space. It’s never delightful unless a woman is anxiously waiting for it … y’all know what it is. But if you explain to him, in depth, the change that your body goes through in the days leading up to and during your cycle this may help him understand your hesitation. If you’re grossed out by the idea or just don’t feel comfortable having sex while you’re on your period, tell him why and give him details. Pain the picture for him.

This is a decision that should be made by you and only you, Ma. If you don’t want to engage in sexual intercourse during your time of the month then he should respect that. It’s not about being prude or immature – it’s about your body and doing (or not doing) what you’re most comfortable with. That’s a personal decision that he’ll have to deal with and eventually come to understand. While he says, “that’s my sh*t,” please remember that it’s yours first and you can do what you like with it. It’s completely up to you. Never doubt that regardless of the pressure from your fiance! You’re not depriving him, he will survive for a week – and really, the fact that you’re willing to please him on other ways during your time is more than so many men can say about their woman. That’s very selfless of you! He should be reminded!

One thing is certain though, while it is a personal decision, many couples do this all the time! Thankfully, your sex life is healthy but a lot of married couples do what they have to do if they’re only intimate a few times out the month. So, maybe it’s something that you’ll be open to down the line but if it’s not something you’re willing to do right now then don’t do it! On the other end of the spectrum, there are plenty of women and men, for that matter, who believe that a woman’s cycle is her time to cleanse and purify so that week is totally off limits! If that’s how you feel about it, let it be known and you two can come to a better understanding. Either way, have the discussion and don’t waver from your position until you are absolutely ready to do so! Hope this helps! Good luck to you, sis! Good luck!

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