Are You a ‘Crazy’ Baby Mama Authors Max-Laine and Melanie Bent Aim to Break the Cycle

- By Bossip Staff Categories: Love and Relationships, News, Sex and Relationships

It is no secret that being a single mom is no easy task and to outsiders looking in, the cliche saying, “you may think you know but you have no idea” is a reality. It’s so much of a reality for single mothers, Max-Laine and Melanie Bent, they decided to write a book about it! While the title Are You a “Crazy” Baby Mama: A Handbook for Single Moms may strike a potential reader as being overly provocative or perpetuating a stereo type, they were aiming to do quite the opposite! The question that Laine and Bent asked themselves before committing their philosophy to paper was this: “How do we encourage single mothers to improve their lives when we are dealing with our own personal issues?” To put it plainly, this book is not your average run-of-the-mill “how to/ self-help” manual, but it comes from a place of relating and understanding without judgement! Bossip had a chance to chat with the Max and Mel about their experience being a “baby mama” and guess what? They’re not “crazy!”

Bossip: What made you ladies team up and write this book?

Bent: Circumstance, really. I was going through a bout of depression. I was overwhelmed, feeling underappreciated and I didn’t have anyone to turn to, in terms of being able to relate to someone. At the time, Max and I weren’t really close but we had mutual friends and I knew she was a single mom and going through different things so I reached out to her. We ended up speaking on the phone and we both vented and it turns out we were both experiencing some of the same things and I said, jokingly, ‘we should write a book!’ The next day, Max emailed me and said, ‘let’s team up and write that book’ and it went on from there!

Bossip: How did you come up with the title of your book and do you feel the term “baby mama” sends the wrong message?

Laine: Ugh! We hate that term and when we first started talking about writing the book, we both agreed that we hate saying that or having to identify with being a ‘baby mama’ because of it’s negative connotations and we didn’t want anything to do with it. So, for a while, we were like we don’t even want to mention that term or be affiliated with it. But we started to think: why not redefine the term while we catch people’s attention, you know? Make them listen! All the books that are written about being a single mom don’t talk about the time in between the break-up or divorce to moving on. They were all pretty much focused on how to get back into the dating scene after the relationship is over. Then, there were a few crazy baby mama books from the perspective of the new girlfriend.

Bossip: Oh, no she did not!

Bent: Yes, there was one particular book by a woman who said she was in a loving relationship with her new husband but the baby’s mother was in the way of them growing as a couple and that she was ‘crazy’ and acting irrationally. But she never stopped to question why?

Bossip: These kind of situations are awful and, ultimately, the child suffers. So, what do you think it’s going to take to break the cycle? Because it seems like there’s hardly any ambition to get married or be a dual parent family.

Laine: One of the things that we should do is making sure to have positive male figures in your children’s lives. Let them see Dads who are in their kids’ lives and let them see what the workings of a household should be. Try to show them examples of a two parent family and encourage that.

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Comments

  • Case mgr local Welfare Office

    PARENTS….. plz stop allowing anyone to bestow that low class title on you! ‘Babymama” JUST SOUNDS LOWCLASS! BABY DADDY just conjures up images of girl that got pregnant in the 8th grade and never made to high school

  • nolababymoma

    Love it these ladies have very valid points men being a father doesn’t always have to do with finances it also means time…smh

    • SuperJerk

      A lot of women say that, but the reality is, if you not trying to pay a rental fee for your child you are not going to see that child. I had a friend who had recently lost his job. While looking for another one, with the free time he had, he offered to do more like help the child with the homework take him to the park and spending time with him. You better believe the minute the money stop coming she was allowing him to spend time with his child.

  • Welfare Case Mgr

    Baby Mama and Baby Daddy please dont let anyone label you or call you the aforementioned! WE CAN ALWAYS TELL YOU THE EDUCATION LEVEL OF THE PARENTS WHO SAY THAT. AND MOST OF THE DADS HAVE CRIMINAL RECORDD

    • chrissy

      @case mgr. i have girlfriends that complain about ya’ll offices all the time…the lazness,rude and don’t nobody work for welfare but ignorant black woman…..

      why do ya’ll treat black womean bad when they come into your office….and no i don’t have no kids an never been in a welfare office……

  • http://hotmail Islandbaby

    DWL @the pic! Looks a novel u see on the street of Harlem.

  • Tm30

    I’ll pass, I will never be a baby mama.

    • DR.FUNK

      Bless you.Modern technology makes that goal possible.Buying this book is an admission of making BAD DECISIONS.

  • JustAshley

    Baby mommas are 1 of the reasons why I don’t date men with kids. Deranged as all get out because that baby didn’t make him want to get married.
    *
    SMH

    • Butter Pecan

      SHUT THE F UCK UP

  • Case mgr local Welfare Office

    @DONE AWAY
    So all your friends baby mamas. Oh well at least none of you had to buy bridesmaid dresses.

    • Cutie Pie

      Yeah and how many of your case mgr’s co-workers or case workers have stole some baby momma’s food stamps or money bytch!!!

  • G.M.

    hope that book sheds light on letting/allowing all the fathers who want to be fathers to their children but are constanly screwed and denied access to them via the court system and the “crazy baby mama” out of spite, pettiness and excessive child support payments…helpin change the laws with visitation rights and having them not so easily abused would do wonders for kids who aren’t allowed to see their fathers who go broke just to get multiple opportunities to be denied in court visitation or get more than a weekend of time to spend with them

  • Kenedy

    But why do so many women settle for being a “baby mama”? why not be a wife and then a mother…and if it doesn’t work out…be an ex-wife and a mother…not a baby mama

  • mixed bad chick

    I’m married with no kids but I have to say, I wld buy the book.

  • GoGetter Mommy

    Great topic! This is what needs to be shown on MTV not 16 and pregnant.. It is no joke.. And although we are Crazy about out kids… Raising kids as a single parent is not easy!!! LEt’s just say that.. .AND I have a degree and have a great career!!!!!! Great job ladies !!

  • keebler mf elf

    Black baby mama’s are the reason why I favor abortion!

    • Cutie Pie

      Too bad your hoe as momma didn’t abort u bytch!

  • MacMoon

    Some of these bytches have 2 or 3 baby daddies and act like they are pure as the driven snow…

  • Smart Brother

    Lets keep it real: baby mamas are golddigging bytches who have nothing else going for them except what’s between their legs who TRAPS their men by having his child/children.

    • DR.FUNK

      Basically.That why the law should read:

      WOMEN WHO CHOOSE TO BREED OUT OF WEDLOCK SHOULD NOT BE ENTITLED TO PUBLIC OR PRIVATE FINANCIAL SUPPORT.

      I bet the BIRTH CONTROL memo would hit their desk at that point.:-)

    • Cutie Pie

      U are not so smart after all dummy! baby’s momma’s can be married, divorce, or single. I’ll be glad when they start talkin bout the crazy as babie’s daddie’s!!!

  • DR.FUNK

    What is about women (especially sistas) that they cannot seem to grasp the concept of RECREATIONAL SEX?

  • Omega Man

    A noteworthy topic and definitely worth getting this book. Way too many woman and men settle for less. This books sheds light on an important topic!

  • T.Mack

    First of all congrats to my FRIEND for writin this book..It has been a long,hard road…I am so Proud of both of you ladies. And good luck on all your future endeavors

  • Takes12no1

    The book actually sounds really interesting from reading the article… I don’t care for the title but I guess if I were in a bookstore and saw that title it might stand out from the rest. Which I guess is an important factor in selling books.

  • Cutie Pie

    People have taken this “babies momma” phrase and used it in such a negative form. It means a mother who has children whether married, single, divorce or etc who is a momma that has or has had babies ok!! That’s all nothing more or nothing less. And we don’t even wannan discuss the crazy as babie’s daddie’s. Even the first lady Michelle Obama was referred to as: The President’s babies mama or something to that effect. So why is everyone running away with this as being negative!!! There are a lot of hating, bitter, mad as people on this site!!!!

    • CutiReppinNY

      You need to take your sad self somewhere and STFU. I’ve never heard a married man refer to his wife as baby mama…and you got the nerve to bring Michelle Obama into it. Please stop…If you wanna claim the term baby mama as a positive for yourself then do so, but stop trying to convince anybody that being a baby mama is a positive.

  • jmagic

    Black baby mammys are the worse type of person,then white skanks,if your gonna have a baby by a chick she has to be Boricua

  • jag

    For all the self rightous who believe they will never be a single mother or are downing them… I have a friend who is married with a child to the only man she has been with. During her pregnancy he cheated, but she decided to give him a 2nd chance, now she has found out about other indiscrections and will either be a single parent or a wife with a serial cheat for a husband. The moral of the story is you can control ur own actions, but not somebody elses and you never know what life will throw at you. Stop being so judgemental coz most of my male friends are, have or will cheat on their women if the opportunity arises. The only women that are safe are the ones who will take whatever a man throws at them and continue to stay in the relationship, and even then her may just up and leave you… Then guess what stereotypical name people will call you. Marriage is no guarantee, so get your head out the clouds

    • kala

      I agree!

    • hunnyBun

      jag, i hear what you are saying. it’s true, you never know what life is going to throw at you. a married woman is not in the same category as a ‘baby mom’ in my opnion. if a woman is married and it doesn’t work out, that is a completely different set of circumstances. if a woman is married then has children, she has done everything in her power to ensure that her children were born into the best scenario possible. an ex wife is not in the same category as a ‘baby mom’. Anyone can be a baby mom but it takes a whole lot more to be a wife or an ex- wife

    • Tm30

      I agree with hunnyBun, an ex wife is in a completely different category. And calling her a baby mama is a complete insult. Where I’m from we refer to those women simply as ex- wives.

  • SuperJerk

    Maybe if chicks made better choices in most situations they would not find themselves in these situations to begin with.

  • clark

    Whatever happened to a female going to college and getting a degree while dating. Whatever happened to that female that waited until she was a certain age to start a family? I blame society for all of this. A woman should never have to raise a child let alone children by her self.

  • ~ChynaPeach~

    I really dont know what to say because “baby momma” is like the worst term to call the mother of your child and it is not a badge of honor. I have two kids and Im not married but I am with my children’s dad and are moving foward and are going to get married. I do not ever claim to be his babies’ momma. Why because Im not. Im my babies’ mother. There is no garuntee he will always be there or that we will always be together, but one thing I can say is i will always be my babies’ mother. They will always have me no matter what happens.

  • ~ChynaPeach~

    Another thing, being married doesnt guarantee you child a two parent home as much as a degree doesnt guarantee a job. Some people act as if Marriage is an end all be all. Maybe in the 50’s but today people dont stay married forever. Id rather wait until we both are ready than to force it because we have kids. Just my $0.02.

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