I have a question I want to ask you and your readers particularly the male ones. I am an educated female with a house and car of my own and I’m good at what I do. But what gets to me is a lot of women like myself who are financially independent, are always portrayed in a negative light as if we’re a problem because we’ve seen to it that we get what we want by any means necessary. It hasn’t been easy and true enough it’s a lonely path at times but I’m no that girl who rolls her eyes and toots her nose up at blue collar men. I don’t use what I have a leverage when I’m dating and I don’t judge a man for not having all that I have. I can’t lie it would be nice to date a man who can match what I have, only because we have no where to go but up and when we bring our lives together the transition should be smooth or at least that’s what I believe! That’s not reality though and I’m more than willing to compromise with a man that treats me how I deserve to be treated. That’s not my problem though. Around this time last year, I ended a six year relationship with a man that I believed I was going to marry. When I told him that I didn’t want to waste my time with someone who wasn’t serious about marrying me he told me he wasn’t ready. I was devastated and heartbroken but I bounced back fairly quick because at 31 I’m not getting any younger and six years of my life had already been invested without return and I began to date again. So I started to see this guy and I wasn’t trying to be too serious and keep my options open but as time went on, I stopped calling all the other guys because we were spending most of our time together and I’m really feeling him. To sum it all up….now that it’s gotten warm I’ve noticed he’s gotten distant and out with his boys at night when I’ve grown used to being with him. I wouldn’t even be upset if he hadn’t cancelled plans on me several times! I don’t know what to do or how to get his attention! Is it because it’s Spring and was I a winter fling? Please give me your honest opinion because I just don’t get it!
Good Day to you, sis! Thank you for writing in and sharing your story! So, you dove into the dating game and made the most common mistake we all make and that’s prematurely eliminating your options! This is something you just shouldn’t do without there being a mutual agreement that you are seeing each other exclusively. Otherwise, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. A lot of times we make the mistake of dropping all other suitors from the roster, thinking we’re showing our seriousness and dedication to the relationship with hopes of the other person doing the same, and from there unfolds a beautiful love affair. Ideally, sure! Realistically, no, it seldom works this way!
Okay, sis, here’s another thing that happens often, with women in particular, once you’ve ended a long-term relationship, time suddenly becomes of the essence and you’re racing the clock to meet certain milestones whether it be marriage or starting a family. And you said yourself that you’re “not getting any younger” but you’re 31! What’s the rush? You have plenty of time to meet, marry and start a family with the man of your dreams! He’s out there, but you can’t force or manipulate it into being because your biological clock is ticking! These are the parts of life you can’t plan nor place into some sort of time frame. By all means, your time should never be wasted waiting for someone to come around or turn a new leaf but whomever you decide to take seriously should value your time just as much as his own. Just like you said, it’s an investment.
So your question was, “is it because it’s Spring and was I a winter fling?” Unfortunately, sis, you may never know the answer to this question but his actions should definitely help you decide whether or not he’s someone you want to continue to invest your time with. And if you really want to grasp his attention once more, pay him none! Next time he calls you and wants to see you, have plans. Don’t just lie about it either, really have plans to do something – happy hour with the girls, art exhibits, take a good book or journal to the park, maybe some retail therapy. Once you busy yourself, you’ll start to meet and date new people and this guy will become an after thought. And this, my dear, is when you’ll have his attention again, sadly, that’s just the way it is. So don’t spend your Spring being hung up over this guy and the Winter you spent with him. Chalk it, move on and enjoy your Spring … just like he is! Good luck to you, sis! Good luck!
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