Dear Bossip: She’s Beautiful but Far From the ‘Total Package’

I been dealing with this young lady for about 5 months now and when I tell you she is gorgeous, she IS GORGEOUS. She’s tall and leggy, got long natural hair and light brown eyes. When I met her at a party, I was immediately drawn to her and told her that I would love to take her out. She said yes and a few days later we went out to dinner. She turns heads everywhere she goes and we make a good looking couple when we do our thing outside. After about the 4th month she started to lose some of her beauty. I only say that because when we met she was living with two of her girls and her lease was up about 2 months into it. She said she didn’t want to live with them anymore and they found a new roommate to replace her so she made it seem like she was pressured to leave. Me being in my early 30s and her being 26 I had been there and done that and thought I was doin her a favor by letting her stay with me until she found her own place like she said she would, but she seems real comfortable. She has a job that doesn’t bring in much money and she has random modeling jobs that she gets every now and again but she doesn’t make a lot of money. I work hard everyday and I don’t need anything from anyone but whenever she does get money she never buys groceries or even offer to extend a couple bucks. When I do buy food, she says she’ll cook whatever I buy but she’s too busy watching reality TV and talkin on the phone…… she doesn’t even clean the place. I don’t mind sharing my space and when I do have a wife I would take care of her so she doesn’t have to work but I feel like she either doesn’t know better or she expects this from me. I have to find a way to get her out without hurting her feelings but at the same time I know if I do this we won’t last. I’m between a rock and a hard place.

Good day to you, sir! Thank you for writing and sharing your story! Here you have the perfect example of the old saying that goes a little something like this, “everything that glitters ain’t gold and everything that shines ain’t a diamond.” So, you were enamored by her beauty but you’ve found that, beneath the surface, she doesn’t have much to offer. Or, at least, she doesn’t have much to offer you aside from being fun to look at. Now you want her out of your living space but fear that your relationship will end, inevitably, but what’s left to save? From what you’ve written, it sounds like you already know that you can do better and that she’s sub par in comparison to what you truly desire so, again, what are you holding on to?

At some point in life, everybody battles themselves trying to figure out what’s good to them versus what’s good for them. And, in this case, you’ve got what’s good to you at your house waiting for you to put the apron on and Barry Crocker it up! If this is any indication of her dedication to your coupledom, you should ask yourself and answer honestly … are you satisfied and does she meet your expectations as a girlfriend and perhaps, in the future, a wife? Does she show long term potential and is she deserving of your dedication and devotion? Can you see yourself with her for the rest of your life? Are you simply caught up in the fact that “she turns heads” and that you two make a “good-looking couple?” Seriously, ask yourself and answer honestly, are you being shallow?

Okay, here’s the deal, sir … nice legs, natural hair and light brown eyes – all of those things can be bought and that’s exactly what you did! You bought the look and now you’re looking for a return on your investment which consisted of a few dinner dates and place to crash. From an outsiders perspective it seems like you’ve already gotten bored with what’s between those long legs you love so much and you’ve also discovered that what’s underneath that long natural hair borders remedial. Now, you look her in those “gorgeous” light brown eyes and tell her to “beat it” if you have an ounce of self worth! If that means that your relationship with her is over, then you already know what it was. Take comfort in the fact that there are “gorgeous” women out there who take care of themselves, cook, clean and know how to love a man. Maybe you haven’t found her yet! But there are plenty of fish in the sea and if this one is not the catch you were aiming for, toss her back and keep searching! Also, if nothing else, take another old saying with you, “true beauty is found beneath the surface.” Good luck to you, sir! Good luck!

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